The Renku Sessions: Purple Haze – Week 11
Hi, everyone,
I’m Kala Ramesh from India, and I’m your sabaki for this renku.
We are composing a Junicho, a 12-verse renku (linked verse). The tenth no season verse has been chosen, and we are now entering an important verse in this renku – THE MOON
This is a fun but challenging part of the whole renku.
I thank you all for the kind feedback many of you have shared. Many of you have said that you are immensely enjoying this renku, which makes me feel good.
_()_
We are on to our 11th verse.
Just reminding you of the structure, once again.
Jo – introduction – first 3 verses
Ha – expansion – next 6 verses.
Kyu – a rapid close –last 3 verses – we are on to the second last verse!
I’m extremely happy with the renku so far. Thanks to each and every one of you who has participated in this junicho with such enthusiasm. It looks like you’re all enjoying the weekly challenges.
Be present for the journey and enjoy the process!
_kala
Please read the schema, paying full attention:
Junicho: a twelve-verse renku (collaborative poetry)
JO
hokku – spring blossom
wakiku – spring
daisan – cut away verse – no season (ns)
HA
4 short – ns
5 long – summer
6 short: love – no season
7 long – love winter
8 short – ns
9 long – end summer (monsoon in India!)
KYU
10 short – no season – selected
11 long – autumn moon – We are here!
12 short – ageku – autumn
* Please remember: you should only offer verses about blossom, moon, love, seasons, rain, and so on during the designated slots specified in the schema.
The poem so far:
Purple Haze
purple haze …
sunlight filters through
jacaranda branches pc
a flight of butterflies
on the wood corral jd
an unmarked key
found at the bottom
of the drawer sa
Beethoven’s symphony
builds up to a crescendo mm
spinning wheel thread
unwinds from the spindle
in summer heat vjg
the tall dark stranger
changes more than her tyre td
reliving soda shop days
with porridge from one bowl
and two spoons lg
how silent the cave
of the last bears in Ireland mc
monsoon clouds
like a sea
above the sea on
Renkujin so far in this renku are:
hokku: Pauline O’ Carolan – spring
wakiku: John Daleiden – spring
daisan: Sanjuktaa Asopa – no season
4th verse: Mohua Maulik – no season
5th verse: VJ Green – summer
6th verse: Tracy Davidson – no season love
7th verse: Laurie Greer – love. winter verse.
8th verse: Marion Clarke – no season
9th verse: Orense Nicod – monsoon verse
Strong verses for the tenth slot that connected well to Orense’s verse are:
monsoon clouds
like a sea
above the sea
Orense Nicod
scientists explain
their successful return
VJ Green
Beautiful and what a shift!
nurses drawing blood
move from bed to bed
Richard Straw
Again, this link and shift are effective. The vastness of the clouds and sea is linked to the work this nurse has on her hands.
i lie tossing and turning
in my unmade bed
Pamela Garry
Don’t the vast monsoon clouds look like a comfortable bed? Yet here we see the narrator tossing and turning on an unmade bed! A troubled night.
one planet earth
so full of dark forces
Urszula Marciniak
‘one’ is done and ‘dark’ is done too!
miracles pour out
from the upper room
Debbie Feller
union window washers
shine the skyline
VJ Green
an empty butane tank
rolls in the dark
Anton R-kelian
Good verses, Anton. I couldn’t choose your second verse because the word ‘dark’ too me that dark stranger in the love verses!
little fingers drawing
lopsided stars
Orense Nicod
What a sweet verse. The clouds are huge and expanding, and we have this little child drawing “lopsided” stars.
sleep walks out of the body
wearing borrowed shoes
Guliz Mutlu
I would have loved to do this! Imagine you are out there, sleepwalking amid monsoon clouds as vast as the sea! A good imaginative link and shift!
a contrail splits
the day moon
Firdaus Parvez
You have shown rapid movements, but this verse contains ‘moon’, whereas the schema specifically says the moon appears as the second-last verse in this renku, which is the next verse.
the one bible verse
I could quote verbatim
Tracy Davidson
Remember, numbers are already done?
the puppet show overflows
with exclamations
Lakshmi Iyer
Nice fun verse.
is the global oil trade
back on track again?
Pauline O’Carolan
This is a good verse (questions) here on the socio-economic scenario.
children screaming at
the indoor bubble park
Scott Anderson
G
ood link from clouds to bubbles.
his identity stolen
in the blink of an eye
Laurie Greer
Strong verse which shows rapid movement. But the link and shift are a bit weak.
the satellite’s signals
blink twice and die
Anju Kishore
Numbers are done!
tourists filling up
Rani ki Vav
Anju Kishore
In your notes, you explain Rani ki Vav, an 11th-century UNESCO World Heritage Site, but isn’t the expansion part over with ‘ha’ in the middle section? This verse will take time to understand.
We have gained momentum and are now on a rapid close!!
through the barn cracks
a blind dog barks at bats
Anton R-kelian
Good one, but we’ve had ‘bears’ in Marion’s verse.
The verse that has been selected is:
the quick firm strokes
of the barber’s razor
Margaret Anderson
We’ve not had a barber or any profession, and adding one here is good. Having always been partial to music and sound, I gravitated to sound in this verse.
The link and shift are effective, too, with audio! And it’s not season-based. This verse is action-packed, shows quick, spontaneous movements, and fits in most beautifully here, in the kyu segment.
The entire poem, along with the currently chosen verse:
Purple Haze
purple haze …
sunlight filters through
jacaranda branches pc
a flight of butterflies
on the wood corral jd
an unmarked key
found at the bottom
of the drawer sa
Beethoven’s symphony
builds up to a crescendo mm
spinning wheel thread
unwinds from the spindle
in summer heat vjg
the tall dark stranger
changes more than her tyre td
reliving soda shop days
with porridge from one bowl
and two spoons lg
how silent the cave
of the last bears in Ireland mc
monsoon clouds
like a sea
above the sea on
the quick firm strokes ma
of the barber’s razor
Renkujin so far in this renku are:
hokku: Pauline O’ Carolan – spring
wakiku: John Daleiden – spring
daisan: Sanjuktaa Asopa – no season
4th verse: Mohua Maulik – no season
5th verse: VJ Green – summer
6th verse: Tracy Davidson – no season love
7th verse: Laurie Greer – winter love
8th verse: Marion Clarke – no season
9th verse: Orense Nicod – monsoon verse
10th verse: Margaret Anderson – no season
PLEASE READ THIS CAREFULLY and FOLLOW IT.
The requirements for verse 11:
- READ THE SCHEMA. Understand what is required for this 11th verse.
- We are on our second last verse! Oh! We are nearing the end, and I don’t want to let go!
3. Rapid Close means we do not stretch the moment. The verse would start and finish quickly!
4. No words with a loooong sound! No dragging moments.
5. A full-fledged three-line, MOON verse of 12 to 14 syllables, with or without human presence.
6. You will only link to the newly chosen no-season verse and completely move away from Orense Nicod’s monsoon verse.
The three essential parts of a renku (linked verse) sequence — specifically relating to the structural requirement of a “leap” or “shift” — are uchikoshi (the penultimate verse), maeku (the preceding verse), and tsukeku (the current verse).
monsoon clouds
like a sea
above the sea Orense Nicod (uchikoshi)
the quick firm strokes
of the barber’s razor Margaret Anderson (maeku)
New MOON verse to be selected: (tsukeku)
I’ll wait for your submissions. The window closes each Monday, and my selection, along with the requirements for the next verse, will be posted here every Thursday.
We are close to the end!
your sabaki,
_kala
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