The Renku Sessions: Ultimate – Week 2

Thanks for your offers of a second verse (wakiku)!

I see the need, once again, to emphasize that renku verses are not haiku. They do not contain the internal break that haiku often do, they don’t juxtapose images within themselves, and they don’t attempt to be “stand alone” verses. Since almost everyone who comes to English-language renku comes by way of English-language haiku, this distinction between renku verses (other than the hokku) and haiku must be continuously stated and restated.

Here are some of the verse two offers that I found most tempting:

coyote pups
yip at the moon

Belinda Behne

This is very nice. I pass on it only because of my desire to leave as many subject categories open as possible. In such a short renku there will be no more than one animal image. This verse might also foreclose upon the concept of family relationships, which could be useful when we write the love verses.

a circle of moonlight
inside the traffic cone

Sean Murphy

Fascinating. It suggests loneliness to me because it seems like something only one person might notice. And it covers the subject of geometry in particular and science in general.

the courthouse clock
chimes in the moonlight

Richard Straw

A strong sound image. And it covers “structures” and “government.”

what if we could
catch the moon

Urszula Marciniak

This takes the literal sport/game of the hokku into a kind of child-like speculation. Also, a verse in the form of a question might be quite welcome.

moonlight emerging
from the nimbus clouds

Milan Rajkumar

A beautiful verse about a beautiful sight.

an open hand
catching moonlight

Pamela Garry

A very direct alteration of the hokku’s image.

a wobble in
the moon’s reflection

Terri French

Also closely related to the hokku. The frisbee sometimes wobbles in its flight. I realize now that I have created some problems with this very short renku structure. The hokku and the wakiku are usually closely linked, often as elements of the same scene but, in this instance, they represent different seasons: summer and autumn.

full moon rises
over the canyon wall

Christopher Seep

A very striking change of scene.

the moonlight
inspires a serenade

Tracy Davidson

Very nice. Another sound image. Less definite than the courthouse climes. Serenade might also suggest the topic of love, which we will be addressing in the next two verses. It is possible to have a longer sequence of love verses in a longer renku.

full moon
in a dorm window

Andrew Pineo

Introduces the subjects of education and relocation.

dancing solo
among moonbeams

Pauline O’Carolan

This could be looked upon as a prelude to love verses, which it would actually be in this instance.

conversation wanes
as the moon gains sway

Margaret Anderson

Lots of poetry going on in this little verse! Perhaps we may not want to invoke the waning of conversation this early in our renku.

After being tempted by so many excellent options, here is my choice for our second verse:

each tidepool has
its own moon

Orense Nicod

This will foreclose any other bodies of water for the rest of this renku.

I am thinking of the tidepools as renku verses – with much in common, yet each is separate and distinct. This is probably an imagined scene, likely from memory. One would not have inspected every tidepool in order to confirm the speculation that, if one reflects the moon, all of the others nearby also do so. The idea is that each instance is a part of the whole big thing.

So, here is what we have, so far:

Ultimate

ultimate frisbee
the scent of
sunscreen

Victor Ortiz

each tidepool has
its own moon

Orense Nicod

A note on the title: renku titles are not like the titles of western poetry. Since renku is both non-narrative and non-thematic, the title of a renku is simply an identifier.

Since the game referenced in the hokku is generally known as simply “ultimate” I have settled upon that as our title.

Here, as a reminder, is the plan for this very short renku:

1 (hokku) three lines, summer

2 (wakiku) two lines, autumn moon

3 (daisan) three lines, autumn love

4 two lines, winter love

5 three lines, spring blossom

6 (ageku) spring

This week, we will be writing three-line autumn love verses. They must contain an autumn season image. Since I have not assigned a particular list of season words for us to use, you have room to use what suggests autumn to you, though I would advise you to think also about what might indicate autumn to others.

This is a love verse and, in renku, that means love between adult human beings. Not love of pets, food, books or anything other than adult human beings. Since this is the first of two love verses, please focus on the relatively early experiences of love: attraction, courting, early marriage and the like.

Please submit a maximum of three autumn love verses. The deadline for submissions will be midnight (eastern US time zone) on Monday, June 15.

Take us somewhere we haven’t been before!

John

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