The Renku Sessions: Triparshva — call for wakiku
Welcome to the third Renku Session. I’m Linda Papanicolaou, and I’ll be leading this journey in collaborative poetry. Triparshva is a 22-verse form developed by Norman Darlington in 2005. It’s a good form for composing online because it moves more quickly than the 36-verse kasen, while also following the jo-ha-kyu (beginning-development-rapid closure) pattern of traditional renku. So whether you’re new to renku, or simply want to keep your skills honed, you’re especially encouraged to join us.
Our Renku So Far:
There were more than forty offers for the hokku. Many thanks to everyone who submitted. I thoroughly enjoyed reading, spending time with each, and picturing the direction each would take us. So interesting the many different ways to express the joys of summer and of gathering to celebrate or begin a journey! We had summer clouds, cloudless skies, rainbows, an open air concert, graduation, a wedding, lawn parties, a festival, beach chairs, umbrellas and beach balls, swimming, a Ferris wheel, boating, picnics, campfires, cuckoo, loons, a swan, gulls, fireflies, a lizard, a cicada, bees, squirrels, an elephant, roses, crepe myrtle, strawberries, cherries. . . Within the variety there were recurring images and themes that speak of commonalities in experience of the summer season. Isn’t this what makes Internet renku possible? Who could resist billowing waves, an excursion boat with pennants flying, or an ice chest of beer floating along on an inner tube?
Finally, though, I’ve settled on
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
Lynne Rees
Place settings of red summer fruit on white china–It’s simply, finely observed, and layered too. I love Lynne’s analogy of picking verses to selecting a cherry a bowl, and the white plate as the tabula rasa of our renku itself. Scanning our roster of participants, I see friends, familiar names, renju with whom I’ve often written, and several new acquaintances. So I also like the analogy to place cards as we take our seats. Thank you so much, Lynne!
Before we move on, a bit of heads-up: By my count we have ca. 25 participants, and undoubtedly there will be more as latecomers arrive, squeeze under the beach umbrella and sit on the lawn. The catch is that triparshva as a form has only 22 verses. I’m thinking on how to mitigate this when not everyone will have a verse placed in the final poem. One way is to deemphasize “competitive” in the degachi selection of verses, in favor of collaboration and support. My own philosophy is that we will actually be composing two parallel poems 1) the triparshva, and 2) the poetry of the process itself, the outcome of which is the finished poem. For me, renku is in that sense a conceptual art form, and whenever I’m involved in one I remember what Christo has said of his installations such as Running Fence or The Gates, that the art is not the poles and the fabric. Rather, the work of art is the “all together”.
In live renku, once the party is over what remains of this secondary, larger poem lies in memory and in the “pocket verses”–unplaced submissions that participants collect and take home. In online renku, in each post with its comments thread we’ll be generating an archive of our proceedings and every verse offered will be there, a part of the renku. To pile on another metaphor, think of the unplaced verses as “roads not taken”, still there as possibilities to be visited another time.
Thus, whether you have or have not yet had a verse placed, I hope you will stick with us. Even the unplaced verses are part of the poem, and the more we have the richer the renku will be.
Now for the wakiku:
Second in the opening sequence, this two-line verse was traditionally written by the host as a response to the compliment offered him in the hokku. In function it is a support verse that complements, reinforces or extends the imagery of the hokku without overshadowing it. The hokku-wakiku pair may remind you of a tanka or tan-renga, though with capping it to closure. A good wakiku complements the hokku without overshadowing it, while bringing enough new imagery to the renku that the next verse, the daisan, may link to it in such a way that moves the poem forward.
Again, this is the hokku to which you will link:
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
Other things we’ll need in the verse:
- two lines, more or less calibrated in length to line 2 of the hokku
- a summer season reference
- imagery that complements, reinforces or extends without repeating images or topics in the hokku
What else to you see or hear? You could zoom out to a larger view of the setting, zoom in on a detail of someone or something else present. Where does your imagination take you?
How to submit:
All verse positions in this renku will be degachi. Please post your offers in the Comments section below. Let’s have an upper limit of 3 per participant. As Paul has reminded us, the comments feature does not recognize double spaces so do remember to separate your offers with a line of asterisks, hyphens, dots etc. Calls for submissions will remain open for one week, at the end of which I’ll collect everyone’s ideas, consider each and choose the one that best serves the renku.
This call, for the wakiku, will remain open until Monday, July 06, 2015 at midnight (EDT).
Links and resources:
- If you’re just joining us, please take a moment to review my introductory post
- For a discussion of the hokku, wakiku and daisan in renku, see John Carley, “Renku: Beginnings and Endings” in Simply Haiku 2.1, January-February 2004)
- This renku will follow a schema by Norman Darlington. The layout for a Summer Triparshva may be found by reading down the second column from the right.
- If you don’t already have a favorite saijiki (season word list), here are a few of my favorites that are readily available online:
- Kenkichi Yamamoto, “The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words,” tr. Kris Kondo and William J. Higginson, online at Renku Home (2000, updated 2005)
- ” The Yuki Teikei Season Word List”, online at Yuki Teikei Haiku Society, 1997.
- World Kigo Database, ed. Gabi Greve, also includes links to a number of regional kigo lists and saijiki.
This Post Has 57 Comments
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jar of fireflies released
into the night sky
Oops! Is there any way I can delete and redo this? “jar” is not meant to be the subject!
a spotted fawn
in the clearing
a flock of kingfishers
shake loose the morning rain
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
— Lynne Rees
***
repainted bench
under an old oak
***
porcelain doll collection
on the yard sale
***
windchimes on the stoop
remain silent
Is the second line of the hokku intended to be a pivot? (I’m guessing not, but its hard not to read it that way).
I would read it as a pivot, Christopher. Lot of fine haiku can use this — reads separately as 2 pair of meanings 1&2; 2&3. For the second pair there is an understood “is.” Not a linear sentence. Definitely part of Lynne’s quality.
So there’s a bowl of cherries and a name card on every plate?
I would assume one bowl of cherries, on the table.
Thinkin’ along the lines of cup & saucer. . .
Each place has a bowl of cherries and a name tag:
(a bowl of cherries sitting on each white plate)
(sitting on each white plate someone’s name)
The intrigue is left to me. . .
” I would assume one bowl of cherries, on the table.” – Chris
But that ain’t necessarily so. 🙂 This doesn’t read to me like a “let’s all just dig in” table setting. Each has a name card, and a small bowl of cherries, placed precisely … that’s how I see it. (… and somehow, I don’t see Elton John among the names on the cards cards. P-) )
– Lorin
Absent a dash, it’s open to multiple meanings, isn’t it? At first I was seeing an image as Phil describes, but after reading and listening to the sound of it several times, I find a slight cut at the end of line 2–the shape of the s in “cherries” slides into “sitting” whereas “plate” to “someone’s” requires reshaping to form the sound, thus a brief pause. That creates still another but also intriguing meaning.
.
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate[―]
someone’s name
Ok, I just need to downsize my picture of line one : )
Unless you’re in Wonderland! ☺
: )
I read L2 as a pivot line in Lynne’s hokku. Nothing wrong with that. In my experience, in a formal setting, it’s usual to have the bowl (of whatever) on a plate. Not so usual to have the name card sitting on the plate as well, but I see no reason why it couldn’t be done, especially with a bowl of uncooked food, such as cherries.
I like this hokku a lot 🙂
– Lorin
Congratulations, Lynne. Such an elegant hokku. A wonderful choice, Linda. 🙂
*
the glint of fireflies
along cobblestone steps
.
the neighbors slap
of cards in deep solstice
.
.
as the hostess turned away
the subtle gaze
.
.
the farmhand’s kerchief
this dog’s afternoon
.
little girls swirl round
the table to cool off
almond eyes
behind a fan
.
.
a rainbow cuts through
the ornamental fountain
.
.
moths at the window
also want to come in
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
— Lynne Rees
***
remains of thunder
behind their whiskeyed ayes
— Betty Shropshire
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
– Lynne Rees
,
***
where the blazed trail turns
you can hear a waterfall
—
another coin tossed
into the fountain
—
under the porch light
moth wings touch my skin
sunglasses
with stars and stripes
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
– Lynne Rees
**
through the screen door
the smell of honeysuckle
– Karen
**
Sorry, this has a double kigo so I am substituting:
**
through the screen door
the smell of afternoon rain
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
– Lynne Rees
**
through the screen door
the smell of honeysuckle
– Karen
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
– Lynne Rees
**
late afternoon rain
drips from old wicker chairs
-Karen
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
– Lynne Rees
**
casually elegant
in crisp linen pants
– Karen
not so happy
with citronella incense
at the door friends embrace
as firecrackers erupt
with lotus leaves
brush-stroked in ink
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
— Lynne Rees
****
chalk cliffs echo back
the fountainhead’s sweet balm
— Betty Shropshire
in the cage the parrot
speaking anew: welcome!
inside and out smells of
late flowers and early fruits
the guests flowers assembled
in a new ikebana
(offer #3)
—
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
—
we breathe the fragrance
of the freshly mown lawn
—
– Lorin
(offer #3 – revised)
—
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
—
we breathe the fragrance
of freshly mown lawn
—
– Lorin
in from the rain
the whitewashed crow
-Patrick
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
—
a fly dealt with
by the house gecko
—
– Lorin
the best cloud shape
defined with laughter
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
*
her straw hat flies off
across the beach
*
hugs and kisses
at the homecoming
*
palm fronds sway, shade
the merrymakers
revision:
—
cloud peaks of cream
for the pavlova
—
– Lorin
or:
—
creamy cloud peaks
for the pavlova
—
– Lorin
a variation:
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
—
cloud peaks of cream
on the pavlova
—
– Lorin
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
—
cloud peaks
on the pavlova, too
—
– Lorin
the freshly oiled gate
swung open in the heat
a pitcher of ice tea
beside the peonies
nosebleed tickets
for a doubleheader
Excellent choice!
***
a bowl of cherries
on each white plate
someone’s name
— Lynne Rees
***
heat lightens its burden
among the cotton fields
— Betty Shropshire
Oops!
***
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
— Lynne Rees
***
heat lightens its burden
among the cotton fields
— Betty Shropshire
Blues Fest weekend
ends with fireworks
gentle rain washes sunset
into asphalt shimmers
under a canvas tent
the snap of a breeze
a flutter of silk fans
at the ladies garden party
skywriting proposal
over a crowded beach
Honoured to have my lines chosen for the hokku, Linda.
Excellent lines, Lynne. 🙂 Perhaps the perfect hokku!
– Lorin
for wakiku
***
***
horseshoes clang
in the pit
for wakiku:
***
***
howitzers fire
salutes one by one
for wakiku
***
***
the smell of grill smoke
on the 4th of July