The Renku Sesssions: Pilgrims' Stride 5

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1. Thank you, everyone. You have provided me with another hard choice! (That’s a good thing.) See you on Thursday morning.

2. reading Genji
   missing the bell crickets

3. one for the fun…

   a sonata
   on the concert Steinway
   played to the moon

   in a legend
   a scarecrow joins the crowd

4. the baker works
   through the long night

5. a sonata
   on the concert Steinway
   played to the moon

   the thin air along pathway
   whispering solitudes

6. a wind tune beckons
   from the reeds

7. a sonata
   on the concert Steinway
   played to the moon

   down at the harbour
   the first storm rising

8. a sonata
   on the concert Steinway
   played to the moon

   the tinkle of fishing boats
   before the first storm

9. a sonata
   on the concert Steinway
   played to the moon

   a goose call sawing
   through the yellow fog

10. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon
    –Lorin Ford
    .
    the space station dragonfly
    changes position

11. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon
    –Lorin Ford
    .
    the satellite flare
    in the waiting evening

12. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    lantern light
    from a swaying boat

13. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    cooked apples
    steam in the cool air

14. paulownia leaves
    falling to the Holsteins

    (Holsteins are black and white cows who love sweet paulownia and gather under the trees on windy days)

    Sara Winteridge

15. the saddleback pigs
    put out to pannage

    (locally pigs are put out ‘to pannage’ to eat acorns to prevent wild ponies/ cows eating them becuse they are toxic to them in large quantities). Saddlebacks are black with a white ‘saddle’.)

16. the albino blackbird
    listens for worms

    (worms aren’t an insect (autumn kigo) but ‘worm’s cry’ is.

    Sara Winteridge

17. I am glad to see continuing offers from some of those who have already had a verse selected. Although, with so many poets, I am unlikely to use a second verse by the same poet (or only much later in the renku, if so), it’s a game and everyone who is enjoying it is encouraged to keep playing. Show us what we might have had!

18. Aah thanks Ford-san, you are so kind. This has been fun. So dynamic and stimulating.

    domo,
    Patrick

19. crickets add their plainsong
    in autumn’s voice

    -Lorin Ford

20. . . for fun & because it occurred, though most likely not the done thing at all:

    a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    crickets add their plainsong
    to autumn’s voice

    -Lorin Ford

21. Mr. Sweeney-san … goodness, I’m not used to this san-ing 😉 … your verse is melodic, beautiful!

    – Lorin

22. Gomen nasai Ford-san, I meant to write: ‘played to the moon’

    -Patrick

23. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played by the moon

    -Lorin Ford

    West to the birth of cool
    East to the unborn wind

    -Patrick Sweeney

24. a midnight snack
    of hot potato soup

25. leaf rubbings
    fill the bulletin board

26. 5.
    a sonata

    on the concert Steinway
    
played to the moon

    –Lorin Ford

    6.
    Kaffeehaus peach strudel
    at a sidewalk table

    – Paul MacNeil

27. black and white coverlet
    against the chill

28. pulls the black and white coverlet
    against the chill

29. prints created
    with mushroom spores

30. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon
    Lorin Ford

    the riverboat arrives
    at high tide

31. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon
    Lorin Ford

    cobweb vibrating
    under a red leaf’ s weight
    Vasile Moldovan

32. We are at the midpoint of our weekly writing period. As usual, we are already supplied with a number of offers that would serve nicely for this verse. But there is plenty of time to make additional offers and who knows what good things may yet come through!

33. she wraps a black and white blanket
    against the autumn coolness

34. Thanks John;
    Sorry to make you repeat yourself, but the discussions left me confused. All set now.

35. Aalix,
    “Very simple question – is there a season word in this verse or not?”

    here are the verse six requirements:

    contains an autumn season word or phrase (preferably not a “late autumn” image)
    Written in two lines, without a cut
    Linking with the fifth verse, and only the fifth verse
    Shifting to a new topic and setting
    Maintaining a tone appropriate to the prologue

36. sparrows swoop from blue sky
    pecking rice from darkening fields

37. sparrows swoop in the waning light
    pecking rice from the darkening fields

38. Sorry John, did not mean to sound accusatory – I am easily frustrated 😉

39. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    morning fog, lighting
    my way with a pumpkin

    – Sandra Simpson

40. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    morning fog, I light
    my way with a pumpkin
    – Sandra Simpson

41. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    the foreign sumo wrestler
    not so adept with salt

    – Sandra Simpson

42. Ok I read the comments again and I thought I had figured it out , but I am still confused. It seems you are saying one thing one place and another in an other comment.
    Very simple question – is there a season word in this verse or not?

43. black of street numbers
    against white of houses

44. the black of street numbers
    against the white of the house

45. a second one-ups
    a cricket

46. two potatoes
    made into a battery

47. a bee here and there
    on yellow valerian

48. Mary,
    “I am confused about the schema. Should v 4 not be no season? ”

    I’m probably confused, too. Verse 4 (grandmother’s silverware / polished every monday) should be and is a non-seasonal verse. None of its elements appear on our list of season words and phrases. Were you thinking something different?

49. lying on the ground
    one eye of a scarecrow

50. Hi John,
    Its great that this is happening and I love the work so far. I am confused about the schema. Should v 4 not be no season?

    Here is my late autumn offering

    a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    from gold and bronze
    all changes to monochrome

    mushroom orbs hidden
    in the fallen leaves

51. gulls soaring, diving
    into a school of sea bass

52. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    through a wave
    of pampas grass

53. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    another rendition
    of autumn leaves

54. Thanks John – no blossom love or more moon unless directed, will do 🙂 I am enjoying it
    – reading renku / taking part is a process.

55. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    a boy runs into
    the new coolness

56. I’d like to shake things up a bit? What do you think John?

57. Devora,
    Yes, relax 😉 and trust in Sabaki’s guidance. He’s the one with the challenging job of composing the renku so that it works as a renku and as a poem, and under far more challenging circumstances than usual.

    ” Perhaps you were you thinking along the lines of John’s answer to me that, in your verse, there are “general topic areas among renku practitioners [other] than the seasonal and other ‘set’ verse topics.” – Devora

    No, I was thinking of linkage only. You have an outline of ways of linking in the url link you posted to JEC’s piece, ‘A Brief introduction to Renku’, but rely mostly on your intuition when linking: trust the reader.

    The ‘general topic’ John referred to in relation to my ku was “. . .the arts (music) . . . ”

    As well as the ‘set verse topics’ (blossom, moon, love) there are as many broad general topics as come within human experience: war, religion (in this renku, ‘religion’ is a topic covered in the hokku), sport, work , science, hobbies . . .

    Some of these general topics ( eg as a sport: canoeing) will be evocative of or designated as a seasonal activity. Others, such as ‘the arts’ or ‘war’, will not have inherent seasonal implications. Some topics are considered unsuitable for the more calm & stately tone of the jo / preface (such as ‘war’, ‘murder’ & perhaps even ‘rowdy drinking’ :-), or farce, or cleverness and wit), as among many other considerations Sabaki has to keep in mind the overall tone and movement of each of the four parts (‘sides’) of the poem.

    Just jump in with some verses, Devora. Analyse later.

    – Lorin

    other than the ‘set verse topics’ (blossom, moon, love) are as many as come within human experience, eg. debt, drinking alcohol, eating dinner, pruning the roses, paddling a canoe, housework, feeding the chickens, flying a helicopter … etc. etc. Some of these topics will be associated with a particular season so one wouldn’t usually propose a verse with ‘paddling a canoe’ in it for a designated Winter verse.

    These

58. the last waltz when
    i remember june

59. Sara,
    I could post a scheme for the entire thirty-six verses but I am reluctant to do so for a number of reasons. First, it would take a lot of space if I posted it as a permanent part of the site and I am already concerned that there is more instruction than some people can comfortably absorb on the portion of the text that is repeated from week to week. I could just put in now, using one of these comment boxes but then anyone who doesn’t see it soon might very well miss that it was posted at all. And finally, I’m not sure that it really would be as useful as you may think. It will show that, somewhere up ahead, we have a couple of series of love verses, blossom verses, and moon verses. So, don’t write a love verse, blossom verse, or moon verse until you are cued to do so. That’s really all there is to it.

    As for my quoted material – I just mean that, in order to make a complete poem out of a verse, we are likely to want to use multiple images and play them off of each other. But this in not needed and, in fact, can make the renku read like a haiku sequence rather than a renku. The image(s) you should play off should be contained in the verse to which you are linking. The poetry that your verse provides should be based upon it’s interplay with the previous verse, rather than being accomplished within the verse itself. I hope I’m making this more clear rather than less so.

60. Hi John, where could we find a list of what material should be used in which verses and therefore reserved for later. (I did look for the book you mentioned but couldn’t find it)

    ”Some of this comes from our instinctive urge to make a complete poem with our verse. But renku verses other than the hokku are not intended to have the potential to stand alone as a complete poem.” That’s a tricky one to evaluate for me – any further thoughts.

    thanks, Sara

61. ” In fact, it seems as if you incorporated two intents in one verse: “the idea of polish” and “the idea of social status.” As a newbie, I’m curious to know whether that is acceptable.”

    It is not only acceptable; it is nearly inevitable. We can easily get a little crazy trying to account for all of the possible qualities of any particular image. I recommend two things in this regard:

    1) Relax
    2) When writing your verses, keep it simple. In particular, be careful about including material that will be needed later and is not currently needed. Examples would include blossoms in a non-blossom verse. Some of this comes from our instinctive urge to make a complete poem with our verse. But renku verses other than the hokku are not intended to have the potential to stand alone as a complete poem.

62. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    a boy runs in
    the new coolness

63. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    a park keeper drains
    the outdoor swimming pool

64. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    mine eyes have seen
    the morning glory

65. Your intent is interesting, Lorin. Thanks for taking the time to talk about it.

    In fact, it seems as if you incorporated two intents in one verse: “the idea of polish” and “the idea of social status.” As a newbie, I’m curious to know whether that is acceptable. Perhaps you were you thinking along the lines of John’s answer to me that, in your verse, there are “general topic areas among renku practitioners [other] than the seasonal and other ‘set’ verse topics.”

66. sorry–forgot what season I was in–I’m supposed to be writing about autumn

67. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    white pear blossoms
    confetti the guests

68. the fawn’s spots
    slightly visible

69. waning gibbous
    her rump too

70. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon
    – Lorin Ford

    inca berries ripening
    in paper lanterns

71. salmon in the stream
    jump higher than the reeds

72. salmon in the stream
    jump higher than the rocks

73. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    three peaches in a basket
    and juice on my chin

    – Sandra Simpson

74. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    from the paper bag,
    perfume of a peach

    – Sandra Simpson

75. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    choosing the most orb-like
    of the peacherines

    – Sandra Simpson

76. a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon

    there, on the hillside
    the first red leaves!

    – Sandra Simpson

77. To Devora’s first question to John, re linkage, and “the poet will have her own ideas about the linkage”, I can confirm that John’s 2nd point is one I had in mind:

    “2) The link for me is related to the idea of “polish.” I see the verses connected literally through the luster of objects and figuratively through the ideas of removing flaws and creating elegance.”

    … and related to that, I had in mind the idea of class or social status: we have middle class /bourgeoisie or aspiration to such in the previous verse whether grandmother polishes her own silverware or has help. Silverware is/was a status symbol. A sonata played on a concert grand extends the idea of social class, whether that piano is located in a concert hall or in the living room of a middle class house.

    The ‘class’ or ‘status’ link, I believe, is one of the traditional ways of linking in renku.

    – Lorin

78. grandmother’s silverware
    polished every monday
    –Polona Oblak

    a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon
    –Lorin Ford

    a dragonfly hovers
    over the swaying reeds
    -Karen Cesar

79. grandmother’s silverware
    polished every monday
    –Polona Oblak

    a sonata
    on the concert Steinway
    played to the moon
    –Lorin Ford

    in the clearing
    a buck lifts his head
    – Karen Cesar

80. Beautiful watching it unfold 🙂 I am enjoying it, even if blindly blundering along 😉
    Sara

81. To Devora’s follow up question, if I understand it correctly:
    There are certain topics that are traditionally part of any Kasen renku. They include groups of verses for each of the seasons, sequences of love verses, and certain verses that present images of the moon, and blossoms. Separately, there is a sense that there are general topic areas that might be represented, most often by a single verse. They include things like “current events,” “industry,” “religion” (which is covered in our hokku), and many others. The general topic areas vary much more among renku practitioners than the seasonal and other “set” verse topics. I will be specifying certain set topics but only occasionally commenting on general topic areas.

82. ok, just one more!!

    pampas plumes dry brush
    an autumn sky

    or

    pampas plumes
    dry brush an autumn sky

83. Re: Your reason: Okay, and thanks for sharing.

    Do you mind a follow-up question? In my renku reading, I learned that as the sabiki, or conductor” of the renku, you have the right to pick the topic (in 5, the moon – “all autumn” – [which] “would be expected to feature in the fifth stanza,”* but in that same source, it noted: “No particular order [of topics] is imposed, but once a topic is ‘ticked off,’ it will not be referred to again.”*, and yet, for the 6th verse, your instructions say [that it] “contains an autumn season word or phrase (preferably not a “late autumn” image).” So that contradiction is a bit confusing.

    *Source: https://sites.google.com/site/worldhaikureview2/whr-archives/renku

    Thanks again.

84. scarecrow arms
    conducting the wind

    or “conduct the wind” or “direct or directing the wind”

85. I believe “a firework finale” should read “the firework finale” 🙂

86. a firework finale
    composed of ooo’s and ahhh’s

87. listening for the movements
    in a cricket’s song

88. Devora,

    As I said last time, the poet will have her own ideas about the linkage. I will add that you and everyone participating in the renku are entitled to your own sense of the linkage. But I am happy to share my ideas about it.

    1) The previous verse was a perfect set up for one kind of linking because “Monday” is “moon day.” So, there is a word derivation link, with nothing more than a mention of “moon” required.
    2) The link for me is related to the idea of “polish.” I see the verses connected literally through the luster of objects and figuratively through the ideas of removing flaws and creating elegance. These are attractive ideas in relation to renku and well placed in the prologue.

    As to why I chose this verse over others, that’s a more complex matter. Partly it relates to what I have mentioned; that it introduces the topic of the arts and the idea of creating elegance. Partly it is simply a matter of how the verse sounds when spoken, especially when spoken after the earlier verses are spoken. In the end, of course, my choice is subjective and there were a large number of qualified verses from which I might have chosen.

    It would be easier, in many instances, to explain why I didn’t choose a verse. I don’t intend to publicly criticize any verses that are offered but if anyone would like to know privately what concerns I may have had about a verse of their own, I would be happy to answer briefly (and privately).

    I will add that there remains at least one concern about the verse I actually have chosen. I will be attempting to apply what I learned about renku from Shinku Fukuda. He discouraged the use of the names of specific places or individual persons in the prologue. I have let this pass in our moon verse, partly because the name “Steinway” is so much more evocative of the instrument than of the manufacturer. But also because another piece of advice that Fukuda-san gave me about renku was, “First it has to be fun.” So, while I will be trying to make the rules known and to apply them generally, I do not want us to be burdened by a scholastic approach. Renku is also a game.

89. Unlike the other selections, you didn’t explain why you chose this verse, and how it connected to the 4th verse. Perhaps you could. Thanks.

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