The Renku Sessions: Way of the Wind – Week 7
I am John Stevenson and I will be your guide for a twenty-stanza, nijûin, renku.
This might be a good time to provide relative newcomers (and remind the more experienced) about some things that must be considered when composing renku verses.
One reminder would deal with the nature of kigo. These seasonal references are not always intuitive. Some things that might seem natural aspects of a season do not appear on the list of kigo we are using for this renku. Sunbathing, tanning and sunscreen, for instance, are intuitively summer topics but they are not listed. So, we have to pass on otherwise tempting offers:
how their torrid affair
started with sunscreen
Christopher Patchel
A second, and very important consideration, when composing renku verses, is the matter of avoiding any kind of linking to what has already been presented. Generally, this is what I mean when I say we should be linking to the immediately previous verse and in no obvious way to other previous verses. But there is another layer of concern about this in regard to any possible linking to the hokku (first verse) and the verse occurring right before the verse to which we are currently linking (e.g. verse 4 when we are linking to verse 5). In these instances, we need to be especially careful.
So, although “fragrant breeze” is a perfectly acceptable kigo, it can be a problem when the hokku (and possibly the title) features “way of the wind.” As a result, we have to pass on some really lovely offers.
the way she sways
in the fragrant breeze
Keith Evetts
a fragrant breeze
perfumes their yearning
Carol J Judkins
And when the verse before the verse to which we are currently linking features an article of clothing (“cap”) we cannot use the otherwise available late summer kigo of “thin clothing.”
her thin dresses
hanging out in his mind
Debbie Feller
That verse also suggests music, so we have to avoid, for now, any images of dancing:
the smouldering heat
in your midnight tango
Carole Harrison
Or song:
their sweet nothings
silenced by cicada song
Wendy C. Bialek
We can become too extreme in finding these “back links.” In the course of my renku practice. I have come to feel that all entities are connected, either directly or through common connection to some third entity. Taken to an extreme, this would soon prevent any possibility of avoiding a “back link.” So, a reasonable level of alertness to this issue must be employed.
Any sense of linkage to prior verses other than the hokku or the “one before the last” verse can be approached with more tolerance. Because, for instance, the second verse implies but does not specify the presence of a creek or river, I might or might not give some thought about whether it is too soon to select a verse that features or implies other bodies of water:
young lovers swimming out
to the third sandbank
Lorin Ford
they lie entwined
behind the waterfall
Pauline O’Carolan
talked into a swim
down to our last layers
Peter Newton
swimming with the girl
who moves like Marilyn
Lorin Ford
Similarly, since the second verse invokes but does not directly depict a plum tree, I might wonder if it is too soon for:
I ask the phoenix tree
am I too old to love
Keith Evetts
Having expressed concerns about all of the above offers, I want to make the point that I had each of them on my short list and was tempted by all of them.
One way of thinking of a renku is that it is a sampler of the range and variety of things that make up our world, the heavens, and our outer and inner lives as human beings. In that sense, it cannot be comprehensive and any one image can represent many aspects of the whole.
Here is what I have selected as our sixth verse:
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
It’s actually fairly rare that a renku reaches the sixth verse before including any non-human creature. We now have included the topic of “insect” and will probably not want another until near the end of this renku, if at all. At some later point, we may want a bird, fish, reptile or mammal but not in the next couple of verses.
As a love verse, this one deals with an established relationship. It therefore precludes us from courtship and “love at first sight” in the following love verse. The character of the love in this verse is open to interpretation. Perhaps it implies that the poet has a wife who is sweet in other ways, too. Perhaps it implies a selfishness – take her, not me, mosquitoes.
Here is what we have, so far:
Way of the Wind
green barley—
we follow the way
of the wind
Lorin Ford
kids playing pooh sticks
with plum blossoms
Linda Weir
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
a coin in the cap
of a street busker
Andrew Shimield
summer moon
low on the hips
of the horizon
princess k
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
We are now completing our first pair of love verses. The love verses in a renku are about love between adult human beings. So, love of pets, ice cream, etc. will not satisfy the requirements.
The requirements for verse seven will be as follows:
- A three-line verse of seventeen syllables or less
- With no seasonal image (no kigo)
- With a focus on love between adult human beings in an established relationship
- Without a grammatical break
- Linking in some way to verse six (and in no obvious way to previous verses)
For this renku, we will be using this site (http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html) as the source for our season words and images. We should also check it when writing non-seasonal verses in order to be sure we have not used a kigo without intending to.
I will be reviewing your offers until midnight on Monday, June 14 (New York time). On Thursday, June 17 there will be a new post in which I will announce my selection of the seventh verse, comment on some of the other offers, and issue instructions for writing verse eight offers.
Thank you, everyone,
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/
This Post Has 91 Comments
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a lovely verse
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
“`
irritating zzz
zzz zzz
but we remain connected
~~~
we’re simply happy
canoodling
under the net
out on the town
casting his net
further afield
Congrats Dan! My blood also ‘sings’ to the mosquitoes.
.
.
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
– Dan Campbell
.
.
that itch
not even marilyn
can scratch
.
after seven years
enough to make rome
howl
.
to be perfectly
frank
dobedobedo
.
.
Thank you John for the commentaries and selection and congrats Dan, you are one of my favorites!
*
look.how
their shadows hold each
other up
*
her dancing is
still beautiful
in slow motion
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
——Dan Campbell
time collects
in the quiet rooms
you left behind
a new wrinkle
appears
on your life line
distant romance
just surviving
behind our screens
she sends me on
a late-night
pickle run
life sucks
except for when
I’m with her
vow renewal
smooshed against
their faces
we savor
even the stale pieces
of wedding cake
to avoid the moon link…
she sends me on
an early morning
pickle run
Final edit to also avoid the long day opening on another verse lol
she sends me on
an impromptu
pickle run
*
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
*
truer to type
with every unresisted
temptation
*
loving every moment
of the squabbles
and make-ups
*
our bond sustains
in sixty with sagging steps
into gravel path
*********young couple’s debate
ended in sharing
their juice lemonade
*****
adjusting button
his ladylove reminds
about a movie
**
in theater
young couple return
their lovely days
*******
wedding coat in proud
corner she demonstrates
their bond
*********
their time passes
with salted groundnuts
aged couple in park
this perfect life
now you’re
in mine
.
this complex existence
now you’re
in my life
an empty space
at the family
reunion
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
**
after nine months
we are exiting
the twins are born
Nani Mariani
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
**
like conjoined twins
exhausted
in bed
Nani Mariani
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
renewing vows
after all these years
committed to oneness
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
intoxicated by
thick smoke rising
from your fumarole heart
the chiaroscuro
of our cobbled life
ripens with age
hungry
for the sleek of your
tattooed skin
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood Dan Campbell
**
our his & hers
purple bath sheets
now soft pink
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
hubby doesn’t blink
when I ask for a lick
of his gelati
they decide
to hyphenate
surnames
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
– Dan Campbell
.
he remembers
the straw they shared
but not her first name
6/13/2021 by wendy © bialek
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
*
the old couple
still pause a while
at the kissing gate
an aperitif
reading each one
his newspaper
***
a wink
and she divides in half
her favorite patty
***
how much tenderness
finally passing
to separate rooms
***
the tender smile
of mutual deafness
at the silver wedding
*
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
*
all they’ve learned
over the years
of their A-plus marriage
*
their straight-A marriage
gives their children
a wealth of lessons
*
mosquitos know that my wife
has sweeter blood
.
Dan Campbell
.
you still ‘get’
the real me
between my words
.
you still understand
what I’m really saying
between words
.
who else still forgets
the punchline
of every joke?
.
Do we still need
to say “I love you”
every day?
.
still saying
“I love you”
every day
Verse 4:
…
rolling around naked
between
sheets smelling of sunshine
…
Verse 5:
…
the feud ends
with Romeo and Juliet
in the tomb together
another red wine
stain on the carpet
after their 50th
another red wine
stain on the carpet
after their 50th
What a journey!
Thank you John for the patient and caring way you jolly us along on this renku journey.
.
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
they say
bananas played a part
in her oral skills
.
the straw
we shared
from our first sip
6/12/2021 by wendy © bialek
with lover
no day without laughter
i love you …
Nani Mariani
you always say
my addiction to your lips
i pinch your waist
Nani Mariani
still drawn to him
after all the bumps
along the road
6/12/2021 by wendy © bialek
on a picture
from the holiday album
the imprint of a kiss
after a long absence
they compliment
each other
takes more
than a swat team to suck
the life out of our marriage
6/12/2021 by wendy © bialek
i think this is a better version:
takes more
than a swat team
to draw us apart
6/12/2021 by wendy © bialek
our walks
on the waterfront
always uphill
*****************
after fifty years
you are still
my boyfriend
*****************
as the sun sets
I give you my arm
to walk
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
– Dan Campbell
•
no-fault divorce
papers signed
with a flourish
– Betty Shropshire
sharing a bowl
she sucks a strawberry
down to its seeds
Ah, those pesky mosquitos Dan…
sharing a glass
we take it in turns
to spy on the sea
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
a morning serve
of honeyed words
when he brings her tea
.
PS. Dan, an enjoyable verse to work with. Thanks! And, like your wife, I’m the mosquito magnet!
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
the short break plan
for our fortieth leaves out
Transylvania
Or, to avoid another verse beginning with ‘the’:
a short break plan
for our fortieth leaves out
Transylvania
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
our airbnb hideaway
puts Dracula’s castle
to shame
Verse 1:
…
social distancing
not possible
when the fever’s upon us
…
Verse 2:
…
I feed her
strawberries and cream
after the loving
…
Verse 3:
…
her mouth tastes
of honey
and desire
If I can substitue Verse 3 (mouth and hips – both body parts!)
…
Verse 3:
…
my love tastes
of honey
and desire
Good catch. Any potential link to the verse before the verse to which we’re currently linking is a big issue. I like your alternate offer!
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
just found note
dishwasher loaded
knife blades up
6/11/2021 by wendy © bialek
(yes, i am aware, that most dishwashers are found in kitchens, a kitchens are also where most kitchen islands are……and that i should avoid this reference to laurie’s verse:
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
and my verse could be disqualified….because of the above repetition…..
but since the reference is in a note and the post it note was found (not in real time, but, later…..as it were, in the bedroom on the bottom of my slippers) i posted it here.
john….i would be interested to hear if you consider this an exception????
similar to the reasoning about pears being”gifted” by michelle and “painted” flowers are not flowers?????
correction, should read:
(yes, i am aware, that most dishwashers are found in kitchens, and kitchens are also where most kitchen islands are
and not a
A couple of points to be made here:
.
“Disqualification” only relates to links back to the hokku or to the verse before the verse to which we are currently linking. Potential links to other previous verses do not result (in my practice) to automatic disqualifications. But, at the same time, if I have good offers that do not raise this question of back-linking, I’m likely to go with one of those.
.
The first thing that concerned me about your “just found note” verse was the multiple grammatical breaks.
thanks, again john for your further clarification. i see it more clearly now!
and john, i am glad that you have commented on “my multiple grammatical breaks”….
this area confuses me…..i am unclear and trying to test out what is proper protocol concerning “quoted” data in renku verse…..
i remember andrew’s picasso verse had quotes…..
‘after Picasso
only God’
said Dora Maar
.
john,
could you possibly shed some light for me on this matter?
here is the reworked version:
just found note reads
‘dishwasher loaded w/
knife blades pointing up’
6/12/2021 by wendy © bialek
however…i wish to withdraw this submission.
Here’s the light but I don’t think it’s terribly enlightening. My ideal would be a renku in which there is no break in any verse other than the hokku. But I’m a realist and sometimes I will take what seems to be the best of what is offered, even if it has an “issue.”
.
I think we are all so used to writing haiku – complete short poems in which there is a “gap” that creates the spark and a two-part structure. In renku, the hokku operates in this way. But in the next verses, the spark needs to take place in the gap between verses rather than within the verses themselves. Since our habit is to write complete short poems and since the cut/gap is an important source of that sense of completeness, we habitually write these gaps into our renku verses and really have to concentrate in order to focus on the interaction with the previous verse as the source of our “sparks.”
thank you for your frankness and thank you so much for spinning me ’round to the right direction, john.
i have lost my way….and trying to grow new sea legs. i did, indeed, forget about that ‘gap’!
congrats dan!
how fun this party is getting with your
winning “multi-meaning” verse!
thanks, john….for taking the time to remind me to double check
all possible things written and unwritten.
the queen
grief-stricken
but duty-bound
–
re: ‘sunscreen’ I thought it might be closely related enough to ‘hot’ and ‘heat at zenith’
I loved your verse. But I had many other good verses that very clearly featured kigo from the list we’re using.
Thanks for all the explanations, John, and congrats, Dan, for a lovely verse — and for managing to through all the constraints — it feels tighter and tighter, and I admire those of you who are toughing it out. The rules are so difficult to follow that I feel defeated. I’ll see if I can come up with something, though — if only to avoid being a wallflower …
Yes, it does get more challenging as we go on. But there are multiple ways in which to succeed. One, of course, is producing a verse that navigates the requirements. But another is producing work that may not be used here but will prove valuable for later use, in another setting. I generally come away from a renku session with several pages of haiku or material that will become haiku.
*
the pinewood flames
makes her face redder
beside the tent
*
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
curled together
under the duvet
we fall asleep
she says
she meant to miss me
with the jade geisha
Wonderful lines, Dan! And thank you, John, for teaching us as we go along here!
feeding each other
the last
piece of cake
the two Norms
tearing up among
tried-and-true friends
– Betty Shropshire
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
– Dan Campbell
•
spot on as
the “IT couple” among
the hoity-toity
– Betty Shropshire
on exposed skin
another bite
seals our passion
*
that welcome sting
when she shows me
her peed-on stick
*
how do I love her…
let me count
the hickeys
Good one ! Following Dan Campbell’s
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
***
our honeymoon
spent synchronizing
our snores
***
a bottle of mead
reflecting
under the stars
***
unzipping
the tent for her
late night’s pee
***
lip smacking
goodness down the
length of her spine
**************************
illegal in all
fifty states but
Kentucky
****************
her DNA
all over his
bong
her DNA
all over his
bong
🙂 🙂 🙂 Great verse that gives me a great laugh, Michael.
(It’s not too hard to guess who the flower children were around here, is it? )
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
.
Dan Campbell
.
my husband Igor’s
fluorescent fangs
on the bedpost
.
word change (in L3) from ‘on’ to ‘adorn’
.
my husband Igor’s
fluorescent fangs
adorn the bedpost
Congratulations, Dan. Nicely done and what a sweet thing to say of your wife. 🙂
Thanks Lorin!
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
.
Dan Campbell
.
the spice
of our kissing after
a shot of chai
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
– Dan Campbell
•
these tabloid photos
like salt on
an old wound
– Betty Shropshire
Good to see you back at THF renku, Betty. 🙂
Hi, Lorin…thanks! it’s good to be here, again. 🙂
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
our children laugh
as we kiss
in the kitchen
still smiling
at some
of my jokes
the marriage lines
harder to remember
with repetition
Ah – now recalling that V3 is situated in the kitchen, I must amend my first one above to read:
our children laugh
as we kiss
on the patio
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
– Dan Campbell
•
reading in
the tabloids one
too many affairs
– Betty Shropshire
separation
is the bitterest pill
to swallow
Congrats, Dan, nice choice, John.
Garcia’s Carol!
As always Dan a vivid image.
Off topic of for a moment:
Have you read the Cherita form of verse/storytelling?
I discovered this in the forum. Well worth a read.
cuddling in bed
we sip
our cafe-du-laits
Thank you John, for a valuable explanation of the thoughts behind the selection – and yet again the selection is stimulating. Congratulations to Dan Campbell. Before thinking about verse 7: on the matter of a kigo, do we assume that as we have had the moon and a mosquito in this section of the renku, they are ruled out for v 7?
Oops – just re-read the specifications and we don’t need a kigo… Sorry.
Congratulations, Dan–love it! Thanks for the inspired choice John, and for all the reminders.
*
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
*
our dry wit
keeping us slap happy
since the moment we met
*
Thanks Laurie!
Congratulations, Dan Campbell!
despite my flaws
he loves me
as i am
.
the banter between us
without playing
gotcha games
Please ignore these as I wish to withdraw them from consideration. Thank you.
a beautiful choice !!!