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The Renku Sessions: Way of the Wind – Week 4

Wayrenku_300

I am John Stevenson and I will be your guide for a twenty-stanza, nijûin, renku.

As frequently happens, something that I did not mention in my sketch of the “requirements” became so important that it needed to be said as a comment, once it became evident through some of the early submissions. The problem with that, however, is that many people may have missed my comment and continued to make the same error.

In this instance, many of the submitted daisan verses contained “vegetation.” This would not work in this instance because our first two verses featured plants – green barley and plum blossoms. One thing that we try always to avoid in renku is three successive verses with similar subject matter.

I regret that some people seem not to have seen my note to this effect among the comments. But, at least, we collected plenty of other useable images. Here are some examples.

weaving the last
of the long day’s light
on the rigid heddle loom

                        Laurie Greer

I suggested that we set our daisan in dusk, dawn or night time. This verse checks that box and offers a clear departure from the opening verses.

 

up early
to comb the beach
for ikebana driftwood

                        Keith Evetts

Beachcombing is listed as a “late spring” kigo in the list we are using. It links to the wakiku through a progression of river/stream to ocean. And this also serves as a strong departure, which is wanted in this verse.

 

silkworms flex
in their glossy
cocoons

                        Carol Jones

Silkworms are a listed as a “late spring” kigo but (silkworm) cocoon is listed as “early summer.” Kigo are not always intuitive and it pays to search through the full list before selecting a kigo. All the same, I like this verse a lot and appreciate the slant link with the plum blossoms.

 

how about
steamed red snapper
for supper?

                        Kanjini Devi

Offering an image based on the sense of taste is usually a good idea at some point in a renku. We can tend to lean heavily on the senses of sight and sound.

 

soap bubbles
illuminated
at sunset

                        Angiola Inglese

A pretty image, with just the right tone. I take it to link to the wakiku through a sense of buoyancy that they share.

 

despite spring thunder
he sleeps soundly
between teddy bear sheets

                        Carol Judkins

Linking through the world’s most famous Pooh.

 

tranquil evenings
know “the value
of doing nothing”

        M. R. Defibaugh

Time of day and tone are right. It may be a bit ironic to talk about doing nothing when we still have seventeen verses to compose.

 

In the end, three verses came to be finalists for me:

 

balloons cover
the ceiling of
the vaulted foyer

                        Michael Henry Lee

Like Angiola Inglese’s verse, above, this one links through the concept of “buoyancy.”  In addition, it invokes for me an image in the prior verse of vaulted arches supporting a bridge. I like the sense of mildly checked momentum. This could be fun to puncture with the next verse.

 

the long day opens
with the chime of pots
on the kitchen island

                        Laurie Greer

“Island” links to the implied stream of verse two and the sense of “emergence” also links to the experience of looking for the winner in a game of pooh sticks. This verse makes a point of fulfilling my suggestions that we have an indoor image and a night, dusk or dawn setting. It also offers a prominent sound image. And it reflects the fact that we are still in the opening section of our renku (long day opens). The choice of “chime” rather than “clatter,” “rattle,” or other more energetic soundings offers a good example of appropriate tone setting.

 

briny-sweet
cherrystone clams
awash in butter

                        Betty Shropshire

Another “flavors” image, “Cherrystone clam” is listed as “all spring.” Vivid.

 

 

Here is what I have selected as our daisan:

 

the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island

                        Laurie Greer

I am making a very small edit, to avoid three instances of “the” within the verse.

 

Here is what we have, so far:

 

Way of the Wind

 

green barley—
we follow the way
of the wind

                        Lorin Ford

 

kids playing pooh sticks
with plum blossoms

                        Linda Weir

 

the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island

                        Laurie Greer

 

 

You are now invited to submit up to five verse four offers. This is the final verse in the opening section of the renku (jo) and the tone should remain sedate and somewhat formal.

The requirements for verse four will be as follows:

  • A two-line verse of seventeen syllables or less
  • Without a seasonal image
  • Without a grammatical break
  • While linking in some way to verse three (and in no obvious way to verses two or one), it also makes a clear departure from the images in verse three.

For this renku, we will be using this site (http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html) as the source for our season words and images. Since the current verse is non-seasonal, you should check this list before posting in order to ensure that you have not inadvertently included a kigo in your offers.

I will be reviewing your offers until midnight on Monday, May 24 (New York time). On Thursday, May 27 there will be a new post in which I will announce my selection of a fourth verse, comment on some of the other offers, and issue instructions for writing verse five offers.

Thank you, everyone,
John

 

 

 

 

The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/ 

 

 

 

 

 

This Post Has 77 Comments

  1. recounting copper
    penny collection

    5/23/2021 by wendy © bialek

    offer accepted
    on the copper street b&b

    5/23/2021 by wendy © bialek

    posed like buddha
    in a maze of singing bowls

    5/23/2021 by wendy © bialek

  2. congrats laurie! what an inspiring verse… opens so many angles of approach.

    thanks again john, for a fabulous choice and great comments!

    the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    . . . . Laurie Greer

    stray cats sing doo-wop
    on the back stoop

    5/3/2021 by wendy © bialek

    stray cats sing acapella
    on the back stoop

    5/24/2021 by wendy © bialek

    1. if “on” is too redundant:
      here are my alturnatives:

      stray cats sing doo-wop
      aross the back stoop

      5/3/2021 by wendy © bialek

      stray cats sing acapella
      across the back stoop

      5/24/2021 by wendy © bialek

  3. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Green

    we follow drips of blue paint
    into the wilderness

    all the trappings
    of a bare-bones pilgrimage

    an evening offering
    of almonds and lotus root

    he readies the garden soil
    with a shovel and a smile

  4. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .
    and ….
    the story still continues

    Nani Mariani

  5. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    smoke drifts from the chimney
    in an exclamation mark

    the weather tries
    to hamper the picnic

    a seagull laughs
    on the chimney pot

  6. intent for novel
    but ended in short story
    ***********
    to be a winner
    but losing all strength
    ********
    swiping blackboard
    but new set of white maths
    ***
    complains tooth ache
    still longing for ice cream
    *****

    all the curtains
    with gaps to see through

  7. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    *
    ‘pound a punnet’
    shouts the market trader
    *
    insert your own currency/weights and measures!

  8. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .
    on the corner
    dad smiled happily …

    Nani Mariani

  9. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .

    aroma of cooking
    make my stomach sing

    Nani Mariani

  10. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Greer
    .
    pigeons and seagulls
    line up at the door

  11. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    . . . . Laurie Greer

    the cat hiding
    amongst birthday wrap
    .
    the purr of a cat
    amongst birthday wrap
    .
    a caste-iron wheel
    rusting beside our gate
    .
    celebrating
    his favourite hymn
    .
    waltzing to
    the Blue Danube

  12. Thanks John for mentioning my verse.

    ——————————-
    the sign of a painting
    on the bare corridor wall
    ——————————-
    outside the door
    a recycled glass bottle

  13. .
    .
    and what of my pet hobbit
    with his kettle full of snark?
    .
    one pinky crustless
    at elevenses
    .
    just a spot of earl
    gee
    .
    the high priestess drawn
    on bone china
    .
    witching hour written
    in ring after ring of runes
    .
    .

  14. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Greer

    a squirt of sanitiser
    at the cinema entrance

    adjusting the chain
    on his high seat unicycle

    one hand down he launches
    into his party piece

    accepting the dare
    in the spin the bottle game

    his he man pose
    at the caber tossing comp

  15. a stroll in the park
    for the midday break
    ***
    scattering in a public garden
    the last crumbs of lunch
    ***
    there is a whole afternoon
    outside the office
    ***
    it is already evening
    but now the lights will come on
    ***
    the firecrackers announce
    the start of the party

  16. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Greer

    a medley of rules
    for travellers abroad

  17. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Greer

    campanologists gather
    to ring the changes

  18. (my fifth shot:)

    the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Greer

    clang of the channel buoy
    lifting the fog

  19. Congratulations Laurie.

    Nice stream of alliteration in your first 3 author choices John. The beginnings of one L of a renku. 🙂

  20. nice one, Laurie .. oh, and John, am wondering if it’s a typo .. you say 2 lines […] 17 syllables or less .. I always thought it was 14 or fewer for the two-liner and 17 for the three .. which is why I think it’s a typo .. anyway, ….
    *
    the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    *
    Laurie Greer
    *
    lost in reveries
    while polishing silver
    *
    every recipe
    becomes a poem
    *
    counterpoint
    to Bach on the radio

  21. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .

    papa and mama’s wedding anniversary
    all enjoyed it …

    Nani Mariani

  22. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Greer
    .
    Big Ben
    right on the hour

  23. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .
    fork agains crystal
    he strikes a tune

  24. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .
    mother sipping latte
    from a flo blue bowl

  25. Renku Submission

    the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    Laurie Greer

    domed anniversary clock
    still spinning

    soft sun stripes hardwood floors
    exposing cat prints

    whispering in hallway
    string classics harmonize with shower

    ukulele, harmonica and wooden flute
    enlighten fire’s mantel

    soft sun
    stripes hardwood floors

  26. my alphabet soup for lunch
    spelled out CATASTROPHE
    *
    sipping on alphabet soup
    puts words in my mouth
    *
    today my alphabet soup read
    to be or not to be
    *
    I sprinkle comma crackers
    into my alphabet soup

  27. making the hard choices
    between Mary Ann and Ginger
    **************************************
    sands of an hourglass
    all ran to the bottom
    *****************************
    a rip in the seat of
    his brand new trousers
    *********************************
    ripping into the cereal
    for a penny-ante toy

  28. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .

    family vacation
    it’s already on the agenda

    Nani Mariani

  29. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .

    paint strokes form
    a ship in a bottle

  30. A great choice of verse, John!

    Well done, Laurie. This immediately brought me back to my student days and part-time jobs working in restaurants. I saw the endless flow of time as the link, and how those seemingly endless long days of childhood filled with fun activities suddenly ends and you find yourself swept along in the responsibility of work.

    marion

  31. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .
    pressing her new design
    into the bowl’s soft clay

  32. Laurie, Congratulations. Your offerings are so vibrant; I loved the sounds and link in this one.
    *
    the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
                            Laurie Greer
    *
    shaking out
    the welcome mat
    *
    waving at the neighbors
    with a fresh cup in hand
    *
    the seven across clue is
    move somewhere new
    *

  33. Hi, when I submitted a fourth verse, the second line was altered. It is intended to be a full second line. 🏮

  34. Wow Laurie! What a wonderful visual I get from reading your verse!
    Congratulations!

    an anniversary gift
    of a completely cleaned car

  35. Congrats Laurie and thanks for appreciating my verse John
    ************************************************************************
    we reference a recipe from
    the Kitchen Klatter cookbook

  36. she eats every scrap
    from the split garbage bag

    she tells me off
    for still using plastic spoons

    how mother’s apron
    still stinks of scotch

    she closes her book
    when the longed-for letter comes

  37. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Greer
    *
    a coin in the cap
    of a street busker
    *
    hitting the snooze button
    for another five minutes

  38. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island
    – Laurie Greer

    will grecian marble do
    for his high-relief epic?
    – Betty Shropshire

  39. Congratulations, Laurie. I like the “chime of pots” very much.

    It reminds me of the part of my childhood where I lived in a country hotel The first sound of the day was the yardman shoveling coal into the ‘donkey’ (a kind of furnace, not the animal!) and getting the huge wood-fired stove going in the kitchen and the next was the chef arranging his mostly cast iron utensils, which do indeed chime.

    “long day”, from the kigo list, works well,here.

  40. the long day opens
    with a chime of pots
    on the kitchen island

    Laurie Greer

    distant traffic hum
    bound for the coast

    playing castaways
    at the beach barbecue

    the tinkle of mountain goats
    filled with fresh milk

    practising for the dance
    with spoons for castanets

    1. #4 could be amended to substitute “we practise” for “practising” if preferred. Or, of course, the US spelling of the verb – practice/practicing.

  41. the old cat slinks away
    with a snapper’s head

    our feet hush the mat
    as we dance in silence

    a flicker of lightning
    scores the horizon

    the sting of a pickle
    round a loose tooth

    setting her ringtone
    to a temple bell

  42. Wow–I am just flabbergasted! John, thank you for your comments (I did indeed revise the original “clank” and “clink” to “chime” in keeping with the desired tone)and for the selection! My own long and short lists would have been much longer than yours, I found so many verses to admire. That one of mine would be the pick I never even considered a possibility.
    Thanks to everyone for the wonderful work, now and going forward. This continues to be one of the highlights of my days.

    1. Laurie,

      Congratulations.

      “My own long and short lists would have been much longer than yours.” Yes. This would be a good time to let everyone know that I do not list every verse that I liked when commenting. I too could have had a longer list.

    1. Mmmm, I think this might be a bit close to the hokku – L2and 3
      This seems very liberating.
      ?

        1. After reading, Michael Henry Lee’s verse and your comment below , made me think, and go back for another reading of my first verse.

          The importance of reading the thoughts of others.

  43. Congratulations, Laurie. This clatter in the kitchen can be the never ending chore of keeping the family fed during lockdown or when called back to work as the hospitality venues open up.

    Thankyou for pausing and commenting on one of mine, John.
    I’ve taken on board about checking the kigo list with more care.

    Are we to remain indoors for the next verse?

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