The Renku Sessions: Way of the Wind – Week 4
I am John Stevenson and I will be your guide for a twenty-stanza, nijûin, renku.
As frequently happens, something that I did not mention in my sketch of the “requirements” became so important that it needed to be said as a comment, once it became evident through some of the early submissions. The problem with that, however, is that many people may have missed my comment and continued to make the same error.
In this instance, many of the submitted daisan verses contained “vegetation.” This would not work in this instance because our first two verses featured plants – green barley and plum blossoms. One thing that we try always to avoid in renku is three successive verses with similar subject matter.
I regret that some people seem not to have seen my note to this effect among the comments. But, at least, we collected plenty of other useable images. Here are some examples.
weaving the last
of the long day’s light
on the rigid heddle loom
Laurie Greer
I suggested that we set our daisan in dusk, dawn or night time. This verse checks that box and offers a clear departure from the opening verses.
up early
to comb the beach
for ikebana driftwood
Keith Evetts
Beachcombing is listed as a “late spring” kigo in the list we are using. It links to the wakiku through a progression of river/stream to ocean. And this also serves as a strong departure, which is wanted in this verse.
silkworms flex
in their glossy
cocoons
Carol Jones
Silkworms are a listed as a “late spring” kigo but (silkworm) cocoon is listed as “early summer.” Kigo are not always intuitive and it pays to search through the full list before selecting a kigo. All the same, I like this verse a lot and appreciate the slant link with the plum blossoms.
how about
steamed red snapper
for supper?
Kanjini Devi
Offering an image based on the sense of taste is usually a good idea at some point in a renku. We can tend to lean heavily on the senses of sight and sound.
soap bubbles
illuminated
at sunset
Angiola Inglese
A pretty image, with just the right tone. I take it to link to the wakiku through a sense of buoyancy that they share.
despite spring thunder
he sleeps soundly
between teddy bear sheets
Carol Judkins
Linking through the world’s most famous Pooh.
tranquil evenings
know “the value
of doing nothing”
M. R. Defibaugh
Time of day and tone are right. It may be a bit ironic to talk about doing nothing when we still have seventeen verses to compose.
In the end, three verses came to be finalists for me:
balloons cover
the ceiling of
the vaulted foyer
Michael Henry Lee
Like Angiola Inglese’s verse, above, this one links through the concept of “buoyancy.” In addition, it invokes for me an image in the prior verse of vaulted arches supporting a bridge. I like the sense of mildly checked momentum. This could be fun to puncture with the next verse.
the long day opens
with the chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
“Island” links to the implied stream of verse two and the sense of “emergence” also links to the experience of looking for the winner in a game of pooh sticks. This verse makes a point of fulfilling my suggestions that we have an indoor image and a night, dusk or dawn setting. It also offers a prominent sound image. And it reflects the fact that we are still in the opening section of our renku (long day opens). The choice of “chime” rather than “clatter,” “rattle,” or other more energetic soundings offers a good example of appropriate tone setting.
briny-sweet
cherrystone clams
awash in butter
Betty Shropshire
Another “flavors” image, “Cherrystone clam” is listed as “all spring.” Vivid.
Here is what I have selected as our daisan:
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
I am making a very small edit, to avoid three instances of “the” within the verse.
Here is what we have, so far:
Way of the Wind
green barley—
we follow the way
of the wind
Lorin Ford
kids playing pooh sticks
with plum blossoms
Linda Weir
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
You are now invited to submit up to five verse four offers. This is the final verse in the opening section of the renku (jo) and the tone should remain sedate and somewhat formal.
The requirements for verse four will be as follows:
- A two-line verse of seventeen syllables or less
- Without a seasonal image
- Without a grammatical break
- While linking in some way to verse three (and in no obvious way to verses two or one), it also makes a clear departure from the images in verse three.
For this renku, we will be using this site (http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html) as the source for our season words and images. Since the current verse is non-seasonal, you should check this list before posting in order to ensure that you have not inadvertently included a kigo in your offers.
I will be reviewing your offers until midnight on Monday, May 24 (New York time). On Thursday, May 27 there will be a new post in which I will announce my selection of a fourth verse, comment on some of the other offers, and issue instructions for writing verse five offers.
Thank you, everyone,
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/
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another upscale
mansion suddenly for sale
– Betty Shropshire
recounting copper
penny collection
5/23/2021 by wendy © bialek
offer accepted
on the copper street b&b
5/23/2021 by wendy © bialek
posed like buddha
in a maze of singing bowls
5/23/2021 by wendy © bialek
congrats laurie! what an inspiring verse… opens so many angles of approach.
thanks again john, for a fabulous choice and great comments!
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
. . . . Laurie Greer
stray cats sing doo-wop
on the back stoop
5/3/2021 by wendy © bialek
stray cats sing acapella
on the back stoop
5/24/2021 by wendy © bialek
if “on” is too redundant:
here are my alturnatives:
stray cats sing doo-wop
aross the back stoop
5/3/2021 by wendy © bialek
stray cats sing acapella
across the back stoop
5/24/2021 by wendy © bialek
correction:
alternatives
correction:
stray cats sing doo-wop
across the back stoop
5/3/2021 by wendy © bialek
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Green
we follow drips of blue paint
into the wilderness
all the trappings
of a bare-bones pilgrimage
an evening offering
of almonds and lotus root
he readies the garden soil
with a shovel and a smile
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
and ….
the story still continues
Nani Mariani
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
smoke drifts from the chimney
in an exclamation mark
the weather tries
to hamper the picnic
a seagull laughs
on the chimney pot
intent for novel
but ended in short story
***********
to be a winner
but losing all strength
********
swiping blackboard
but new set of white maths
***
complains tooth ache
still longing for ice cream
*****
all the curtains
with gaps to see through
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
*
‘pound a punnet’
shouts the market trader
*
insert your own currency/weights and measures!
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
on the corner
dad smiled happily …
Nani Mariani
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
aroma of cooking
make my stomach sing
Nani Mariani
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
.
pigeons and seagulls
line up at the door
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
. . . . Laurie Greer
the cat hiding
amongst birthday wrap
.
the purr of a cat
amongst birthday wrap
.
a caste-iron wheel
rusting beside our gate
.
celebrating
his favourite hymn
.
waltzing to
the Blue Danube
dreaming of tropic sands
as the clock strikes three
paparazzi fire their flashes
as a prince boils over
Thanks John for mentioning my verse.
——————————-
the sign of a painting
on the bare corridor wall
——————————-
outside the door
a recycled glass bottle
.
.
and what of my pet hobbit
with his kettle full of snark?
.
one pinky crustless
at elevenses
.
just a spot of earl
gee
.
the high priestess drawn
on bone china
.
witching hour written
in ring after ring of runes
.
.
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
a squirt of sanitiser
at the cinema entrance
adjusting the chain
on his high seat unicycle
one hand down he launches
into his party piece
accepting the dare
in the spin the bottle game
his he man pose
at the caber tossing comp
shoring up the roof
on his lean-to
– Betty Shropshire
trusted tuning fork
held close to his ear
– Betty Shropshire
a stroll in the park
for the midday break
***
scattering in a public garden
the last crumbs of lunch
***
there is a whole afternoon
outside the office
***
it is already evening
but now the lights will come on
***
the firecrackers announce
the start of the party
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
a medley of rules
for travellers abroad
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
campanologists gather
to ring the changes
(my fifth shot:)
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
—
clang of the channel buoy
lifting the fog
Congratulations Laurie.
Nice stream of alliteration in your first 3 author choices John. The beginnings of one L of a renku. 🙂
nice one, Laurie .. oh, and John, am wondering if it’s a typo .. you say 2 lines […] 17 syllables or less .. I always thought it was 14 or fewer for the two-liner and 17 for the three .. which is why I think it’s a typo .. anyway, ….
*
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
*
Laurie Greer
*
lost in reveries
while polishing silver
*
every recipe
becomes a poem
*
counterpoint
to Bach on the radio
Yes, 14 syllables or less. I hope I remember to correct that next time.
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
on an upscale train
the 3-note call to dinner
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
papa and mama’s wedding anniversary
all enjoyed it …
Nani Mariani
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
.
Big Ben
right on the hour
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
fork agains crystal
he strikes a tune
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
mother sipping latte
from a flo blue bowl
Renku Submission
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
domed anniversary clock
still spinning
soft sun stripes hardwood floors
exposing cat prints
whispering in hallway
string classics harmonize with shower
ukulele, harmonica and wooden flute
enlighten fire’s mantel
soft sun
stripes hardwood floors
in the beer garden
the clink of glasses
another spa retreat
offering chai or yoga
my alphabet soup for lunch
spelled out CATASTROPHE
*
sipping on alphabet soup
puts words in my mouth
*
today my alphabet soup read
to be or not to be
*
I sprinkle comma crackers
into my alphabet soup
making the hard choices
between Mary Ann and Ginger
**************************************
sands of an hourglass
all ran to the bottom
*****************************
a rip in the seat of
his brand new trousers
*********************************
ripping into the cereal
for a penny-ante toy
the lunchtime special
moves back indoors
with the Azores approved
travellers get Googling
sparks flare beneath
a smithy’s hammer
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
family vacation
it’s already on the agenda
Nani Mariani
we savour bass notes
in the new jazz club
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
paint strokes form
a ship in a bottle
mesmerized by
the ASL interpreter
A great choice of verse, John!
Well done, Laurie. This immediately brought me back to my student days and part-time jobs working in restaurants. I saw the endless flow of time as the link, and how those seemingly endless long days of childhood filled with fun activities suddenly ends and you find yourself swept along in the responsibility of work.
marion
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
.
Laurie Greer
.
pressing her new design
into the bowl’s soft clay
or
.
she presses her design
into the bowl’s soft clay
Laurie, Congratulations. Your offerings are so vibrant; I loved the sounds and link in this one.
*
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
*
shaking out
the welcome mat
*
waving at the neighbors
with a fresh cup in hand
*
the seven across clue is
move somewhere new
*
discovering why the cupboard
has been smelling so badly
Hi, when I submitted a fourth verse, the second line was altered. It is intended to be a full second line. 🏮
fourth verse:
Kitty arrives, tail swishing,
ah, such rhythm, promising sus-
tenance.
Wow Laurie! What a wonderful visual I get from reading your verse!
Congratulations!
an anniversary gift
of a completely cleaned car
Congrats Laurie and thanks for appreciating my verse John
************************************************************************
we reference a recipe from
the Kitchen Klatter cookbook
only the first dance allowed
at the wedding reception
Oops, I’m using my phone and seem to have posted in the wrong place—apologies, John.
marion
she eats every scrap
from the split garbage bag
she tells me off
for still using plastic spoons
how mother’s apron
still stinks of scotch
she closes her book
when the longed-for letter comes
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
*
a coin in the cap
of a street busker
*
hitting the snooze button
for another five minutes
scratch the first one – too close to dropping blossoms for pooh sticks
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
– Laurie Greer
•
will grecian marble do
for his high-relief epic?
– Betty Shropshire
Congratulations, Laurie. I like the “chime of pots” very much.
It reminds me of the part of my childhood where I lived in a country hotel The first sound of the day was the yardman shoveling coal into the ‘donkey’ (a kind of furnace, not the animal!) and getting the huge wood-fired stove going in the kitchen and the next was the chef arranging his mostly cast iron utensils, which do indeed chime.
“long day”, from the kigo list, works well,here.
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
—
distant traffic hum
bound for the coast
playing castaways
at the beach barbecue
the tinkle of mountain goats
filled with fresh milk
practising for the dance
with spoons for castanets
Loving the fun and lively atmosphere of your last verse, Keith
#4 could be amended to substitute “we practise” for “practising” if preferred. Or, of course, the US spelling of the verb – practice/practicing.
from the garden
a tuneless whistle
the old cat slinks away
with a snapper’s head
our feet hush the mat
as we dance in silence
a flicker of lightning
scores the horizon
the sting of a pickle
round a loose tooth
setting her ringtone
to a temple bell
Wow–I am just flabbergasted! John, thank you for your comments (I did indeed revise the original “clank” and “clink” to “chime” in keeping with the desired tone)and for the selection! My own long and short lists would have been much longer than yours, I found so many verses to admire. That one of mine would be the pick I never even considered a possibility.
Thanks to everyone for the wonderful work, now and going forward. This continues to be one of the highlights of my days.
Laurie,
Congratulations.
“My own long and short lists would have been much longer than yours.” Yes. This would be a good time to let everyone know that I do not list every verse that I liked when commenting. I too could have had a longer list.
Congrats Laurie!
sighs of liberation
as the school bell rings
Mmmm, I think this might be a bit close to the hokku – L2and 3
This seems very liberating.
?
Carol,
I think you make a good point.
After reading, Michael Henry Lee’s verse and your comment below , made me think, and go back for another reading of my first verse.
The importance of reading the thoughts of others.
Congratulations, Laurie. This clatter in the kitchen can be the never ending chore of keeping the family fed during lockdown or when called back to work as the hospitality venues open up.
Thankyou for pausing and commenting on one of mine, John.
I’ve taken on board about checking the kigo list with more care.
Are we to remain indoors for the next verse?
Carol,
We can be either indoor or outdoor in this fourth verse.
Ok, thanks.