The Renku Sessions: Way of the Wind – Week 18
I am John Stevenson and I am your guide for a twenty-stanza, nijûin, renku.
Our task, at this point, is to make a very clear tonal shift from the “anything goes” quality of the “ha” (middle section) to the more formal and consistently positive “kyu” (fast finish). This is complicated by a couple of factors: our concern for avoiding any obvious back-linking and our commitment to including new poets.
In traditional Japanese practice, the session leader has great latitude in revising the offered verses. But that can be rather jarring for poets whose culture generally encourages near total autonomy in their work. As a result, I try to minimize my revisions. As we get to the later verses of a renku, however, this tool becomes ever more tempting because it is ever more potentially useful.
I write these commentaries in the order you are reading them. So, at the moment, I do not know what I will select for verse seventeen. But I am aware, in advance, that there are some verses that I would like to offer in somewhat altered form in order to make them contenders for the final selection.
We had, as always, some tempting verses from poets already included. I’ll begin by recognizing a few of them:
what’s filed away
between o
and z
Laurie Greer
petrified wood
worn smooth
to the touch
Betty Shropshire
time to give
the kaleidoscope
another twist
Keith Evetts
ephemeral
reflections
off a tin can
Berry Shropshire
yesterday’s heroes
still smiling in auntie’s
photo album
Lorin Ford
a generic
as good
as a name brand
Laurie Greer
pasting fresh
bookplates
in the hardcover classics
Laurie Greer
just enough oil
to free the rust
that slowed the wheels
Keith Evetts
My selection will be made from the following set of twelve offers:
hoping
a few old friends
stick around
Ann Smith
Hope is a good place to start if we want to establish a positive tone. Of course, this particular hoped-for thing seems to be offered in the context of contrasting possibilities.
a ruby wink
from the rising sun
jumpstarts the day
Jonathan Alderfer
We have avoided naming a color throughout this renku because the hokku does that. But this does not mean that we can’t have vividly colored images. “Ruby” treads the boundary nicely. I am a little concerned about “jumpstarts the day” when we have “the long day opens” in verse three.
in every chapter
choice words highlighted
in yellow
Liz Ann Winkler
Here is a verse with the positivity that will announce our “Kyu.” It has a grammatical break. Starting with a prepositional phrase will almost always produce one. And it names a color. These things can be easily fixed.
choice words
have been highlighted
in every chapter
But we have spent a lot of time with humanity and the arts and I would prefer a distinctly non-human image here, if possible.
CCTV cameras
capture the fleeting sunset
in black and white
Jonathan Alderfer
Sunset following a moon verse with only one intervening verse is a problem but easily fixed by substituting something for “sunset.” In the meantime, the simultaneous invocation of bright color and the muting of that color is an attractive way of marking the transition from “ha” to “kyu.”
life’s invitation
to find another
hobby
Sandra St-Laurent
“Invitation” offers us a lift here.
riding a bicycle
with friends
wearing colored shirts
Nani Mariani
Another colorful image without actually naming a color. The companionship is attractive. To see the colored shirts to best advantage, I imagine myself behind or among the group of cyclists. I did express, just last week, my concerns that “The Way of the Wind” already contains a street, a que, relentless pursuit, an airport and a departure.
giggling
behind the old shed
children tell secrets
Sean Felix
The light tone is attractive. I would have to make changes to eliminate the grammatical break. And we have “kids” in verse two and “old” in verse ten.
giggling children
tell secrets
behind the shed
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
Here, at last, is a predominantly non-human image. Although “cultivating” is, in most senses, a human activity, it seems to be used in a somewhat novel and other fashion in this verse.
projects whirl
in his head
as retirement nears
Debbie Feller
The mention of retirement seems apt at this point. I would want to consider something gentler and perhaps more hopeful than “whirl.”
inserting (a) pencil
in his half torn
pocket
Radhamani Sarma
A close and vivid link to the scarecrow, suggesting that he may be moving on and possibly finding a new career.
the scales
of justice
(are) finely balanced
Ann Smith
Many of us will be acutely aware that this does not always seem to be the case. But read as pertaining to a particular instance, it invokes a peace, serenity and satisfaction that serves us well in this position.
no guilt
in taking
a mid-day nap
Debbie Scheving
Almost a “time out” signal!
Here is what I have selected as our seventeenth verse:
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
Here is what we have, so far:
Way of the Wind
green barley—
we follow the way
of the wind
Lorin Ford
kids playing pooh sticks
with plum blossoms
Linda Weir
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
a coin in the cap
of a street busker
Andrew Shimield
summer moon
low on the hips
of the horizon
princess k
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
still drawn to him
after all the bumps
along the line
Wendy C. Bialek
queuing up to enter
the Escher exhibit
Carol Judkins
do you think
they discovered chaos theory
by chance
Keith Evetts
three-martini lunch
with old pals from sigma nu
Betty Shropshire
wolves
in relentless pursuit
across the frozen tundra
Sally Biggar
pidge porridge hotter
than the fires of hell
Michael Henry Lee
that delicious fillip
of excitement
from a sidelong glance
Marietta McGregor
Rick and Ilsa
in the airport fog
Christopher Patchel
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
the scarecrow reluctantly
turns in his badge
Maxianne Berger
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
The requirements for verse eighteen will be as follows:
- A two-line verse of fourteen syllables or less
- Without a seasonal image (kigo)
- Without a grammatical break
- Linking in some way to verse seventeen (and in no obvious way to previous verses)
We are now in the closing section of the renku (“kyu”). Of this section, Professor Fukuda has written, “This part should be written calmly and pleasantly. Here again, we can say we write in formal attire.”
For this renku, we will be using this site (http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html) as the source for our season words and images (kigo). Kigo are not always intuitive so it is a good idea to check the list before submitting a non-seasonal verse, just to be sure it does not include an inadvertent seasonal reference.
I will be reviewing your offers until midnight on Monday, August 30 (New York time). On Thursday, September 2 there will be a new post in which I will announce my selection of the eighteenth verse, comment on some of the other offers, and issue instructions for writing verse nineteen.
Keep up the good work, everyone!
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
This Post Has 83 Comments
Comments are closed.
ah, such pure harmonies
carry you away
*
exasperated
by this blunted blade
*
temperatures rise
and temperatures fall
*
revered Dreamtime stories
in ancient rock art
~~~
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
– Jonathan Alderfer
•
the unfathomable sweep
becomes an octopus
– Betty Shropshire
or…
a crying gull
rises on spindrift
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
my jigsaw of Ireland
begins to take shape
Well done, Jonathan!
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
a crying gull
rises with spindrift
or…
a crying gull
rises on spindrift
A lovely verse, Jonathan.
*
window left open
in the seaside hotel
*
a warm soak
before the pedicure
*
smoothing the top
of a birthday cake
Wow Jonathan! Congratulations! And thanks John for keeping us going in the right directions!
finding fossilized coral
in the Midwest
dinosaur bones resting
just below the surface
prophesying life
over what is dry
light subtlety elevates
the ruins
calming bath salts for sale
in the spa boutique
putting down roots
in a seaside village
the orator places pebbles
in his mouth
.
the orator practices a speech
with pebbles
.Nancy Brady, 2021
a ring
all from sea pearl
**
learning by rote
all poems his like
**
his first coffee
his first flavor
**
thistle in sandals
spoils my trip
**
sun worship
a sacred rhyme
**
read aloud poems
great solace for her
rare orchids bloom
in my neighbour’s nursery
a bird’s eye view
from the penthouse
the scarecrow reluctantly
turns in his badge
cultivating
the pebbled waves
our island stories
the craft shop on the quay
has ships in bottles too
the people are reserved
but friendly & polite
the storm of twenty-one
brought us many new friends
emptying dust
from the hollow buddha
8.30.2021 by wendy © bialek
finger styling
flat ridged curls
8.30.2021 by wendy © bialek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKbPeozrkwo
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
a splash of sea-salted air
dances in the singing bowl
8.30.2021 by wendy © bialek
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
doodling rick-rack
with a bonsai rake
8.30.2021 by wendy © bialek
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
—
her hessian robe
tied with a splash of colour
it bounces seven times
before it sinks
all the litter
collected for recycling
Charlie Watts leaves his cymbals
still reverberating
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
and pirates
he overbearing with a cloak and a stooped fur hat
Nani Mariani
and pirates
he overbearing in a cloak and a stooped fur hat
Nani Mariani
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
is there nothing
that can’t be questioned?
*
the mark of a question
without an answer
*
is every question
slightly dotty?
*
a lighthouse beam
shattering the darkness
*
a mermaid sipping rainwater
from a lighthouse cistern
*
a bonsai in Ebina
betting on a breeze
*
two hundred fifty steps
to the top of the lighthouse
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
– Jonathan Alderfer
•
crème brûlée and coffee
and stories of home
– Betty Shropshire
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
a flintknapper
from way back
*
retooling the basics
for a sleek new look
*
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
*
Jonathan Alderfer
comfortably ensconced
in the mesolithic
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
*****
spellbound by the swirls
in marbled silk
a plastic Buddha
sits under the silk bonsai
so many neurons
in every heart
we open our bubble
to double vaxxed friends
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
—
no-one knows how many hands
shone the handle of the rake
Buddha still
gives nothing away
behind the rough-hewn wall
there is an orchard
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
.
OM chanting
fills the endless sky
OM chants filling
the empty sky
Verse 4 :
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
pearl
obtained from a quiet place like this
Nani Mariani
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
.
Jonathan Alderfer
the cat walks
through the sand
.
a cat flicks his tail
through the sand
.
the switch of his tail
through the sand
.
Nancy Brady, 2021
I really liked your verse, Jonathan, and found it inspirational for linking to.
…
Verse 1:
…
see the gem winking
on his ancient finger
…
Verse 2:
…
career advancement
was everything to him
…
Verse 3:
…
something was buried
in the garden
…
Verse 4:
…
windscreen wipers
in monotonous rhythmn
…
Verse 5:
…
she threw her lace gown
over the edge of the sea
Thanks, Pauline!
a Zen garden
to restore the spirit
***
the blue tiles in the tub
suggest the sea
***
manage not to think
while the rake goes
***
a secluded place
and a light chat
the notched edge
of old sepia photos
Congrats to Jonathan ! Have always wanted one of those tabletop perpetual fountains for my little rock and pebble collection. Your verse brings it to my minds eye.🙂
Oops! Mind’s eye.
Thanks, Maxianne!
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
*
a temple rests
at the top of the mountain
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
and I realized
it’s the ruins of the tsunami
Nani Mariani
one two three stars
stranded on the beach
Wow! I really like the visual and almost musical feel of your verse, Jonathan! I could hear the rings forming, the slow movement of water, the roughness of sand and stones. Bravo!
Following:
slipping shawl slowly showing
a tribal tattoo
still tasting a hint of reverie
from the tiki stamp
Thanks, Sandra!
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
– Jonathan Alderfer
•
an oracle’s answer
echoes inside the cave
– Betty Shropshire
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
.
Jonathan Alderfer
*
lala salama
spelled across earth’s dunes
*
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
Fridays now
just another day
Congratulations Jonathan and thank you John!
*
the echo of stilettos
on cobblestone streets
*
pelicans flying in formation
above the waves
*
for sale NOW
sign on the sandcastle
Thanks, Dan!
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
—
scents of incense
permeate the granite
with every tide
a beach is rearranged
a ripple in the bark
hints at rising sap
a mountain also moves
among the trees
amending last one to:
a mountain moves
among the trees
an empty bucket and spade
where she was sitting
her siren song
carries across the knots
what lies beneath
that polished surface
breaching the surface
in a tangle of kelp
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
trying on his new accent
in the mirror
*
trying on
the new accent
*
not so refined that he can’t
laugh at his own jokes
*
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the calculated flaw
that brings things to perfection
*
her prayer flags
I mistook for a clothesline
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
****
there’s an art to
repacking ball bearings
****
so much depends
upon ball bearings
vertigo every time
i see the news
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
.
Jonathan Alderfer
—
an almost perfect circle
drawn with a branch
the pattern repeats
every so often
from time to time a pause
to feel the pulse
what it must be like
to be hugged by a tree
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
endless in sight
like equatorial emeralds
Nani Mariani
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
upright the light pierces the image
illusion mirror
Nani Mariani
Congratulations dear Jonathan ❤️ happy to be gathered here and get excellent guidance and threads from dear John. Thanks my bike is here…
Thanks, Nani!
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
.
Jonathan Alderfer
.
beyond the fence
kookaburras laughing
Congratulations, Jonathan. (So that’s what scarecrows do when they retire . 🙂 ) Nicely done!
.
Thanks, Lorin. Zen scarecrows?
“Zen scarecrows?” – J. Well, Jonathan, whatever the maker or keeper of a zenny sort of garden is called. 🙂
.
枯山水, karesansui or “dry landscape” garden, often called a zen garden.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_rock_garden
Congratulations, Jonathan – it is a pleasure to see a touch of lyricism introduced. And again, an absorbing commentary and guidance from John.
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
—
a tyro learns to prune clouds
over roots that grip the rock
the perfect curves of gravel
last less than a day
the oldest monk suppresses
a ripple of laughter
at seventy he reaches
an impressionable age
Thanks, Keith!
amending the last suggestion to:
at seventy one reaches
an impressionable age
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
*
a bird lurks until
the fountain flows again
*
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
a whiff of sea-
salted air
8.26.2021 by wendy © bialek
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
– Jonathan Alderfer
•
I focus on the brief life
of a fiddler crab
– Betty Shropshire
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
an ensō on next year’s
zen retreat
8.26.2021 by wendy © bialek
Lovely verse! This is perhaps becoming the Archipelago of the Wind! Thanks for writing it, Jonathan, and for selecting it John. And for noticing my offerings.
*
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the strength and the beauty
of the cobbled together
*
what’s cobbled together
is made to last
*
Thanks, Laurie! I like that image of an archipelago (of verses).
congrats jonathan for composing a beautiful verse for our renku!
how special this process is and how i look forward to your comments and handling,
each thursday, john.
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
Jonathan Alderfer
planning next year’s
zen retreat
8.26.2021 by wendy © bialek
Thanks, Wendy!
John, thank you for your comments. Your guidance and insights always keep the renku moving forward in unexpected and thought-provoking ways. I’m delighted to have a verse included.
Jonathan, Congratulations! You were on fire with multiple takes for Verse 17. I had missed this later stone verse offering that John chose, as I had already fallen for your verse:
*
by the willow
where the water speaks
there is a net and a fish
*
Thank you John for shepherding us through this renku. Enjoying the surprises.
Thanks, greenrhythm. Love your pen name.
It’s not perfection but perhaps it is a little imperfection that will set off the beauty of the whole piece.
Hi, John. Does it matter that we have ‘kitchen island’ and now ‘island stones’? I know the context is different…just asking for future reference. 😊 ‘Berry’
An interesting question, Betty. It probably depends on whether we focus on the word/s or the thing the word/s represent/s. I was curious so looked up the origin of the word “island”.
.
“Old English īegland, from īeg ‘island’ (from a base meaning ‘watery, watered’) + land. The change in the spelling of the first syllable in the 16th century was due to association with the unrelated word isle. ”
.
(I have no idea when “kitchen island” came into the language.)
.
In Jonathan’s verse, “island stones” might be stones associated with an actual island in the primary sense of the word, (stones on or around a literal island), or a way of saying “stones surrounded by water” or (and I suspect this is the most likely interpretation) , as with the kitchen island, nothing literally to with an island at all apart from being surrounded by something.
.
It’s “cultivating” & “pebbled waves” that point to a “rock garden” or “zen garden”., in my view. The stones, larger than the pebbles, are surrounded by them. The stones are like islands and the pebbles are being cultivated to look like surrounding water. (Just as people’s faces at a Metro station are like “petals on a wet black bough”.
.
cultivating
the pebbled waves
and island stones
.
Jonathan Alderfer
.
https://japanesegarden.org/garden-spaces/sand-stone-garden/