The Renku Sessions: Way of the Wind – Week 16
I am John Stevenson and I am your guide for a twenty-stanza, nijûin, renku.
We now select our autumn moon verse. While we are still in the middle section (the “ha”) and anything goes, the subject itself suggests beauty and a certain degree of awe. There were some very innovative offers. Here are a couple of attractive examples:
earthrise
from the moon
so unforgettable
Betty Shropshire
imagine all those
confused wolves on planets
with two moons
Dan Campbell
While these verses make skillful use of a contemporary imagination, I am inclined to select a moon verse that represents more solidarity with the centuries of poets who precede us.
As we have come to expect, poets who have already been included in the renku continue to offer excellent work:
the moon
rounding up
the usual suspects
Wendy C. Bialek
a net full
of cod
under the harvest moon
Laurie Greer
the moon’s
fragments
in a cracked mirror
Marietta McGregor
taking off
all my bling to point
at the moon
Marietta McGregor
an exile sees
the moon
of home
Keith Evetts
the teamwork
of moonlit migrants
jumping the wall
Christopher Patchel
how come
everyone assumes
the moon’s gender?
princess k
a film of high cirrus
hides the moon’s
pockmarks
Keith Evetts
joyriding
in a bi-plane
beneath a sickle moon
Carol Judkins
the moon
will still repeat its phases
as time goes by
Lorin Ford
cumulonimbus
are curtains
for moonwatchers
Keith Evetts
moonlight in the rigging
as we chart our course
by the stars
andrew shimield
wherefore
art thou
moon
Keith Evetts
Turning to those verses offered by poets not yet included, I am especially pleased to see some names that are new to me this week. I will make a selection from the following:
sixteenth night
brighter than before
our shadow
Taruni Aditya Patala
This is an autumn moon kigo from our list that does not mention the moon. This is made possible by a lunar calendar and the fine distinctions observed by the Japanese among all phases of the moon. If I select this verse, I will have to revise it to avoid the grammatical breaks.
miles apart
I look at the moon
you look at
Surashree Joshi
This verse also contains a grammatical break. This sentiment is a very ancient one that still strikes the modern imagination. Coming after our two love verses, I am concerned that it might also be read as a love verse.
a crescent moon
rocks
this world
greenrhythm
Attractive simplicity, enhanced by the fourth line (the poet’s pen-name).
moonlit moons
dance on mother of pearl
button blankets
Liz Ann Winkler
The real moon, showing its imitators to best advantage. Love the laborious alliteration!
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
This verse brings to mind the famous “two autumns” haiku and fits nicely with the fact that Rick and Ilsa are parting. It’s interesting that even the harvest moon is separated into its component entities by a line break.
trickle down
moonlight lost
in the city’s glow
Jonathan Alderfer
For American readers, at least, this verse has a vertical axis that includes the Reagan era theory of “trickle down economics.” On the horizontal axis, it is an accurate expression of what can happen to moonlight when observed from street level in any large city.
this veiled moon
dampens
any melancholy
Margherita Petriccione
A very nice tone poem. I am concerned about a named emotion in this verse, since verse thirteen gives us “excitement.”
in the calm
of moonlight
the drone of engines
Ann Smith
The same might be a factor here, although “calm” does not have to be read as an emotional state. Since I would have to revise this verse to remove the grammatical break, I might suggest borrowing from Margherita: “moonlight / dampens the drone / of engines.”
curtain left open
for the company
of the moon
Debbie Scheving
I read the curtain of this verse, left open, as a contrast to the curtain coming down on the final scene of “Casablanca,” where Rick walks off with the prospect of a “beautiful friendship.”
only the moon
to witness the virus
creep into the room
Pauline O’Carolan
There were several “moon and thief” offers, which represent another vertical axis reference to a famous haiku. This one simultaneously serves as a current events verse.
The selections become more difficult as we enter the latter portions of a renku. Here is what I have selected as our fifteenth verse:
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
Here is what we have, so far:
Way of the Wind
green barley—
we follow the way
of the wind
Lorin Ford
kids playing pooh sticks
with plum blossoms
Linda Weir
the long day opens
with a chime of pots
on the kitchen island
Laurie Greer
a coin in the cap
of a street busker
Andrew Shimield
summer moon
low on the hips
of the horizon
princess k
mosquitoes know that my wife
has sweeter blood
Dan Campbell
still drawn to him
after all the bumps
along the line
Wendy C. Bialek
queuing up to enter
the Escher exhibit
Carol Judkins
do you think
they discovered chaos theory
by chance
Keith Evetts
three-martini lunch
with old pals from sigma nu
Betty Shropshire
wolves
in relentless pursuit
across the frozen tundra
Sally Biggar
pidge porridge hotter
than the fires of hell
Michael Henry Lee
that delicious fillip
of excitement
from a sidelong glance
Marietta McGregor
Rick and Ilsa
in the airport fog
Christopher Patchel
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
The requirements for verse sixteen will be as follows:
- A two-line verse of fourteen syllables or less
- With a mid or late autumn image (kigo)
- Without a grammatical break
- Linking in some way to verse fifteen (and in no obvious way to previous verses)
For this renku, we will be using this site (http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html) as the source for our season words and images.
I will be reviewing your offers until midnight on Monday, August 16 (New York time). On Thursday, August 19 there will be a new post in which I will announce my selection of the sixteenth verse, comment on some of the other offers, and issue instructions for writing verse seventeen.
Thank you, everyone!
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
This Post Has 74 Comments
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taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
.
warm sake for comfort
this chilly night
.
(chilly (hiyayaka, mid autumn).
.
“A barnacle goose
Far up in the stretches of night ” – W.B. Yeats, from ‘High Talk’
.
(goose (kari, late autumn)
.
morning frost blankets
the homeless camp
greedy pharaohs
hoard mushrooms for themselves
the welcome mat
covered in maple leaves
Congratulations Kanjini – lovely choice, John. I’m late this week and loving the variety of offerings so far.
lost in your bright eyes
Milky Way
Nani Mariani
hospice bed moved
toward the maple
8/16/2021 by wendy © bialek
lime cilantro seasons
the bowl of new rice
8/16/2021 by wendy © bialek
Congratulations to all selected ❤️specifically to dear Kanjini Devi >> big congratulations to you 🍇🌹🌹
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
Congrats to Kanjini, and thank you to John for mention of my “curtain” verse.
*
the walk home
in a drenched hoodie
*
hypnotized by the white caps
at high tide
*
barn swept
and filled with straw
*
we pick mushrooms
at his secret place
*
And a play on the discussion re Ryokan’s verse:
their bums get cold
picking apples
Kanjini what a perfect moon verse for this renku, so well done. And, John your commentary enables us to see all that you see as our guide. And, thank you for commenting on my offering. Our daughter was able to visit for the first time in two years, so I will skip this week. Thought I might get to it today, but “something came up.” I was able to peruse some of the offerings and it looks like the group is really into polishing off this round. The way of this wind leaves me smiling.
the first frost
burn the basil
*
in frost steam
fresh manure
running out of rungs
on the nut-filled feeder
8/16/2021 by wendy © bialek
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
——-Kanjini Devi
*
the wheat and the chaff
go their separate ways
*
the south road
crackles with frozen dew
*
the last cricket offers
a song of absolution
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
preparing thai basil
stuffed mushrooms
8/16/2021 by wendy © bialek
john….thanks for all you bring to the renku table!
(my only request is that the typo of my last name be corrected
before it goes into archives, thank you in advance)
the moon
rounding up
the usual suspects
Wendy C. Bialek
kanjini, a very succinct verse with a great link and shift! congrats!
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
training on mushrooms
with expired vaccines
8/16/2021 by wendy © bialek
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
.
she waits for the next full moon
to stir the cauldron
.
migrant workers pick
the apple crop
.
the dew chill frosts
the trees
Congratulation Kanjini!
Following
Taking leave
Of the harvest
Moon
***
tattered lotus bodies
knotted on the yoga mat
*
we found ourselves
at the salmon run
*
time to store
the smell of straw
*
still birds
listening to worm cry
Oups! Added a syllable there (too many)
Should read as follow:
tattered lotus bodies
knotted on the mat
one after another
grass final stage of wither
**
alone a crow
after bone in autumn’s field
**
careful grandma’s steps
a nonagenarian
**
her watchword
always the next full moon
**
lullaby in cradle
in more husky voice
**
shocks in the fields
no need to fear for weather
just one wrinkled russet
hanging on the bough
good bye Earth
bin nice to know ya
Yay Kanjini!
tv drowned out by
low flying geese
Congratulations Kanjini and
thank you John
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
walnuts clatter on tarmac
in a mast year
a glimmer of sardines
catches a wave
mushroom spores
vanish in a puff
the way mushrooms
push your buttons
the picker’s persimmons
warmed by sake
some day
more mushrooms may erupt
Verse 1:
…
a little cold
when removing the organs
…
Verse 2:
…
desolate population
now the city has fallen
taking leave
of the harvest
moon – Kanjini Devi
*
apple picking vacation
enjoyed by all
*
in highlighted rows
haystacks like breasts
*
an extra blanket packed
for this chilly night
***
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
.
our mycologist points to
a new patch of shrooms
.
an acorn added
to the keepsake box
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
•
seems as if truffles were
the only desideratum
– Betty Shropshire
Congrats Kanjini!
.
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
.
.
one by one
the wings from a dragonfly
.
the desolate delight
of an empty nest
.
soaked to the bone
i pour myself another
.
hand to mouth
the salmon
.
a story telling of crows descends
on fallen ears
.
a lode of lightning
slashes the sclera
.
worms weep
over bare bones
.
morning cold
and my throat is dry again
.
.
Here are my offerings for the renga. I’m not sure how many I can submit.
::
the porch lamp lit early
as the evenings draw in
::
cool evening breeze
hunting for the moon
::
swallows prepare to leave
for far away places
::
thought evenings draw in I pray
that moonlight guides me home
::
Karen Harvey
North Wales
PS. The link to the Code of Conduct is 404: not found.
I was under the impression that five was the max, based on what John Stevenson said at the beginning, but I am probably wrong, Karen.
I think I did say five in the beginning but I haven’t been enforcing it.
maple leaves and kites
decorate my roof
*
bitter persimmons
are Hell’s only dessert
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
thwap-thump of grand sumo
via satellite from Fukuoka
*Fukuoka in Kyushu hosts a major sumo tournament (honbasho) over 15 days every November. When my Australian photography workshop group attended a session, the giant rectangular stadium (15 minutes by cab from Hakata-ku Railway Station) was packed with cheering (or screaming) fans. It was exciting, deafening and fantastic fun to watch from the stands! Grand sumo with background info and play-by-play commentary is beamed all over Japan on NHK WORLD.
https://visit-fukuoka-japan.com/todo/other_spots/400000006059/
https://www.japan.travel/en/spot/267/
Thank you for your kind comments, everyone! Thank you, John, for picking my verse. I’m truly over the moon _()_
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
grandpa’s pampas grass
shining silver as his beard
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
every doorframe’s garland
of orange persimmons
red maple leaf
riding a black bull’s back
*
skipping persimmons
across the pond
*
scarecrow watching
rabbits explore the shriveled garden
*
mini-kite maple
leaves riding the wind
*
fresh persimmons are delicious
if you’re starving
*
scarecrows daydream
about running through the cornstalks
scarecrow daydream
about running through cornstalks
You have such a wonderful sense of humour, Dan!
I’m enjoying all your verses, especially the ones on persimmons.
This one in particular left me laughing!!
.
fresh persimmons are delicious
if you’re starving
(Dan Campbell)
.
Thank you dear Kanjini, you made my day!
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
*
a barrel of apples
sent to be pressed
sand castles washed away
in the first tide
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
—
a cock’s comb tattoo
on his close-cropped head
bits of bottle focus
wild fire in a haystack
leaf after leaf
parting from the maple
a final wave of reeds
before the cut
new straw ordered for
the Augean stables
the science behind
these peak maple colors
Congratulations Kanjini and thank you John, I always learn from your comments.
*
persimmons only taste sweet
after they are rotten
*
juggling persimmons
on a chilly morning
“…persimmons on a chilly morning” immediately summons up:
persimmon picking
my balls are cold
autumn wind
—Ryokan
akimogi no / kintama samushi / aki no kaze)
– would Ryokan’s L1&2 be selected for the renku or not make the grade, I wonder?!
Thanks for sharing Ryokan’s haiku Keith, I would vote to include it!
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
farmer on the haystack
waits for the silver light
the lone scarecrow
dangling upside down
so much to talk
about the silver silence
Thanks John. I didn’t know that this is so interesting!!
Shall surely read all of them!!
Keith, my best guess is that this English translation of the original Ls 1 & 2 that you’ve quoted would
not make it, because of the break: ‘persimmon picking // my balls are cold. ‘
Without a break it doesn’t make sense: “(a) persimmon picking my balls. . .” ( To misquote Ferris Gilli, “My, what a clever persimmon!” )
I don’t read Japanese, but my intuition says Ls 1 & 2 might more likely be something similar to this in English:
” My balls become cold as I pick persimmons// autumn wind” or “As I pick persimmons my balls become cold // autumn wind ” .
The only cut in a renku is in the first verse, the hokku. . . . (sometimes, the last verse, too. . . though I’ve not seen one in an EL renku)
… also, of course, there are two ‘kigo’/ ‘season words in it: ‘persimmons’ & ‘autumn wind’. That’d be unusual, I think. I’ll leave it to John to answer whether it’s generally ok or not to have two season words in one renku verse.
Lorin: yes, there are (at least) two kigos in it, and two cuts…. but Ryokan is a master….. For the purposes of renku, L1 & 2 could be reversed to eliminate the grammatical break, I submit:
my balls are cold
picking persimmons
Who invented the rule about no grammatical breaks, and why, I wonder. Interested…
..oops I meant two kigo.
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
—
a fine crop of nuts
for export
and then we arrived
at the sixteenth night
Thanks for your attention and for all the comments John, always very interesting.
And thanks for your hard work.
My new proposals
***
let us welcome
the first dew chill
***
footprints hidden
by the first tide
***
darker evenings
but smelling of chestnuts
***
and we arrived
at the sixteenth night
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
•
a volcano still rumbles
beneath the tattered bashoo
– Betty Shropshire
– Betty Shropshire
Hi Betty,
The “bashoo” is interesting because because it’s one of two types of banana trees. In much of the world it’s referred to as a “Plantain” but I think that in the USA the name ‘plantain’ is reserved for a type of grass.
In Higginson’s ‘Haiku World it’s found under “Banana Tree” and he knows it’s really a plantain tree but he mistakenly says ” . . . banana or plantain tree bearing inedible fruit“, which is not true. The plantain fruit is starchier and not as sweet as the bananas, so one doesn’t eat them raw but people (such as indigenous Australians and Pacific Islanders, for instance) have been cooking them from time immemorial.
The leaves, as you’re obviously aware, become tattered in the wind in just the way banana tree leaves do. 🙂
Whoops! I forgot to stop the bolding after “fruit”. Duh.
Hi Lorin! Happy you noticed my bashoo verse! Yep, we have a plenitude of plantain “weeds” not grasses. And I’ve eaten the leaves in a salad not that long ago while stopped overnight in the tiny town of Magdalena, New Mexico on a recent trip to Arizona…not very tasty but beautifully presented…we were quite surprised because it was such a “low budget” motel and restaurant. After I enquired about them, the chef claimed the unusual greens were from the local farmer’s market so we gamely ate them and something he called a watermelon radish which was not edible at all. We might’ve been had! 😄 Have also eaten fried plantains while in Costa Rica years ago and rarely, have see them offered locally in the more upscale grocery stores here.
Cheers!
Betty
discarded needles
among the haystacks
how desolate
this world seems now
why does mother say
my goose is cooked
the dew frost settles
on the body’s feet
Congrats, Kanjini, and thank you, John.
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
the runaround to tidy up
after fleeting autumn
Well done, Kanjini – a magic line-break! And another fertile session, well worthwhile.
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
—
geese gather
to synchronise their moves
again that name
traced in the dew frost
a scythe spares withered tips
to take the ripened
the first tide leaves in jetsam
a fading bottled plea
in the first tide’s jetsam
is an Afghan lifejacket
red leaves
a lot to be desired
Congrats, Kanjini, and thank you, John.
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
new soba exactly what
the doctor ordered
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
.
Kanjini Devi
.
witch sisters
hunt for ghost fungus
.
( mushrooms, fungus (kinoko, late autumn).
*
Omphalotus nidiformis, or ghost fungus, is a gilled basidiomycete mushroom most notable for its bioluminescent properties. It is known to be found primarily in southern Australia and Tasmania, but was reported from India in 2012 and 2018. . . . ”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omphalotus_nidiformis
.
+
It’s actually Friday 13th ( AEST ) where I am, I’ve just realised.
.
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
.
Kanjini Devi
.
(b)
ghost fungus hunts
added to the almanac
.
(c)
a ghost fungus hunt
on Friday 13th
.
Congratulations, Kanjini. It’s interesting that “harvest” in your verse can work as both noun and adjective. Considering the prohibition : “no cuts in renku verses apart from the hokku”, though, we must assume in this case that it’s an adjective.
.
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
.
you say “potato”
and I say “so what”
Well done to Kanjini.
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
round and round
the fairy ring
a long evening walk
off a very short pier
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
•
salmon up and up only
to gasp in the throes of death
– Betty Shropshire
Well done, Kanjini, enjoyed reading your comments, John.
congrats to Kanjini ☺ and for interesting comments, John .. always helpful for learning ..
**
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
Kanjini Devi
*
the scarecrow reluctantly
turns in his badge
*
have a fun week, all …
taking leave
of the harvest
moon
– Kanjini Devi
*
I fill the blank
with persimmons
*
the windstorm rages
all down the alleys
*
three gees loud quack
and cross the road