The Renku Sessions: Ultimate – Week 3

A good week of verse three offers.

I won’t repeat each week that renku verses do not contain an internal juxtaposition of images and that their juxtapositions occur between rather than within verses. I will simply pass over verses with internal cuts or use my discretion to rewrite them.

Here are some of the verse three offers that I found most tempting:

double dating
other partners
at the harvest ball

Ben Wendell

When considered in light of the “same light in every tide pool,” this verse invokes “the grass is always greener.”

we take off
each other’s
costumes

Sean Murphy

The presumptive seasonal reference is to Halloween? There are several Halloween images on my short list but my concern with each of them is that an event that is tied to a calendar date will represent one season in the Northern Hemisphere and its opposite in the Southern. The “location” for our session includes both.

he pretends
he’s just a friend
for Thanksgiving

Sean Murphy

Aside from the Thanksgiving concern, I like the way that this presentation of his role, apparently false, parallels but contrasts with the presumption about the tide pools, apparently true.

holding hands
on a hayride
round the farm

Richard Straw

This fulfills my request that the first love verse reflect relatively early stages of a love relationship. The word “round,” while it is short of “around,” carries, for a verse too far forward, the shape of the Frisbee and the  moon.

sensuously sharing
a juicy red globe
in the vineyard

Pamela Garry

This is the spirit I hope for in a love verse! Again, “globe” my be too close to Frisbee and moon.

falling for the
cat woman at the
Halloween soiree

Michael Henry Lee

New topics of “social event,” “foreign (non-English) word,” and possibly “fictional character.”

rosy-cheeked teens
holding hands
on the hayride

Curt Linderman

This works nicely. I may want to save the naming of a color for one of the last three verses of our renku. And, with only one blossom verse, “rosy” would have to be altered here.

on Bonfire Night
she finds
her perfect guy

Tracy Davidson

A punning historical reference would be a real coup at this point. My concern, as with Halloween, is that a specific calendar date (Guy Fawkes Night) is not a single season indicator for all of us.

he traces
her collarbone
with a bit of hay

Belinda Behne

Also seems like just the right tone for a first love verse. And I like the “light touch” of its linkage with the moon verse.

first date
after a collision
in the corn maze

Andrew Pineo

And here is the opposite of a “light touch.” Very good for this verse, which is meant to be surprising and a very clear departure from what has come before.

he starts the fire
as she leans
on him

Mike Barrett

Ignition! Not sure if it registers specifically as an autumn verse, especially since “fire” is as strongly metaphorical as literal, if not more so.

pulling straw
from your hair
when there is none

Margaret Anderson

A verse addressed to a second person (although this might be a thought that the poet is keeping to herself).

I wouldn’t have gone wrong with most of my short list choices. Here is my choice for our third verse:

he traces
her collarbone
with a bit of hay

Belinda Behne

Here is what we have, so far:

Ultimate

ultimate frisbee
the scent of
sunscreen

Victor Ortiz

each tidepool has
its own moon

Orense Nicod

he traces
her collarbone
with a bit of hay

Belinda Behne

Here, as a reminder, is the plan for this very short renku:

1 (hokku) three lines, summer

2 (wakiku) two lines, autumn moon

3 (daisan) three lines, autumn love

4 two lines, winter love

5 three lines, spring blossom

6 (ageku) spring

This week, we will be writing a two-line winter love verse. It must contain a winter season image.

Since this is the second and last of our love verses, please focus on the relatively mature experiences of love.

Please submit a maximum of three winter love verses. The deadline for submissions will be midnight (eastern US time zone) on Monday, June 22.

Give us the long view on love!

John

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