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The Renku Sessions: Timber Smoke – Week 5

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Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s current Renku Session entitled, ‘Timber Smoke’. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto, Canada and will be leading this session through a 36-link kasen renku.

 

So we have our verse 5; our first moon verse:

 

even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon

Mary White

 

This picks up nicely on the inclusive contrast of “drawn out / echoes in” of the previous verse while continuing the autumnal seasoning with “pale” and “fog”.

We’ve had movement in each verse so far, but the shift in this one is that the movement is not in a scent, of a plum, of a vehicle or a deer note but within our personal perception itself.

Further, Mary, it’s great that you put “day moon” by itself in the third line; no particle – a surprise to see it as it almost always is, for me at least. I mean i don’t ever look for a ‘day moon’ the way i would for a new moon, a crescent or a full moon. I happen to look up and it’s just there and this is how this moon comes into view.

I also appreciate that you wrote, “clearing fog” instead of ‘lifting fog’ as the ‘ift’ would have rhymed with the “sifts” of the hokku and pulled us aurally backwards.

“Clearing fog” by itself would be a contradiction if it weren’t for the anticipation of what would follow “even paler”. The two together add complexity and make the sense more dynamic. Then cut away to a surprise moon, barely visible, that even links slightly with the “drawn” of the previous verse, if we envisage the faint outline of this day moon.

And our week of the moon verse was completed during a full blue moon!

Well done, Mary White!

 

What we need now is 2 lines of no particular seasonality. For this one i want something ‘indoors’, but no actual saying of what the writer is inside of; be it shed, closet, store or a room etc.. Something specific or a specific experience of something within one of these kind of enclosing structures. Whereas the hokku connoted the movement from outdoors to indoors ,i would like this verse to be totally ‘indoors’.

 

Happy Linking
Marshall

 

 

 

Timber Smoke (so far)

 

nothing dimmed yet
timber smoke scent
sifts into the house

Marshall Hryciuk

 

one by one
I pick plums off of the ground

Alfred Booth

 

a file of cars
overtaking a tractor
on the mountain road

Keith Evetts

 

drawn out deer notes
echo in the coolness

Betty Shropshire

 

even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon

Mary White

 

 

 

 

 

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This Post Has 186 Comments

  1. in this foundation makeup box
    finely crushed secrets

    why not smoothie some expired coco milk
    to start fresh?

    1. Oups! This one shows as a 2 liners when flipping my phone horizontally only. Therefore changing into:

      from expired coco milk
      a smoothie to start fresh

  2. dusting father’s toolbox
    in the attic

    embroidering
    letter L for myself

    straightening dog’s ears
    in grandma’s cookbook

    ironing the old coat
    that once was dad’s

  3. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White
    (Congratulations Mary)

    brings
    a smile
    to the crying baby

  4. an open wine bottle rests
    by two glasses

    too sentimental to discard
    the spent flowers

    trying to decide
    on soup or salad

    propping the book
    on a crocheted lap throw

    home alone
    but for the ticking clock

    1. propping the book
      on a crocheted lap throw

      I like this Debbie, it has that ‘hygge’ feeling.
      All the very best with your entries.

  5. about ‘hand prints and crumbs’
    marshall is requesting your reply…..Pamela G.

    but, please, don’t stop posting your wonderful verses here

  6. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon
    ———Mary White
    .

    flies
    in and out of the outhouse
    .

    curling wallpaper
    reveals a faded stock certificate
    .

    the old washing machine
    grumbles on spin cycle
    .

    Schrödinger’s cat
    dreaming on the couch
    .

  7. snowdrifts in miniature
    melting on my windowpane

    five year old superman
    wire hangers don’t stand a chance

    1. real ghosts
      don’t ring doorbells

      real ghosts
      don’t wear blue hoodies

      real ghosts
      don’t hold up treat bags

  8. Bravo Mary (and Marshall)!

    even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White
    ***
    much needed TLC
    on the dollhouse
    *
    found at last
    but expired passport
    *
    a drawer rattling
    with silent knifes
    *
    itching to explore
    behind the fiberglass batts

  9. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon
    Mary White

    blind fish caught
    in the helmet light

    the drop at the end
    of a limestone stalactite

    stalactites hang out
    with the pipistrelles

    the greybeard’s pause
    after lathering

    the rise and fall
    of a cheese soufflé

  10. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon
    Mary White

    a dream catcher
    above the bedhead

    some airman smiles
    from gran’s photo album

    they don’t make movies
    like they used to

    1. Marshall, since you want personal perception of a specific something or experience, is it ok to use “I” in verse? It would repeat verse 2: “one by one I pick plums off of the ground.

  11. moons look brighter
    through holes in a roof

    some barstools
    spin better than tops

    I joined the Mile High Club
    on May 4th 1983

  12. no empty stalls so
    we powder our noses

    out of floss
    he substitutes white thread

    making my own omelet
    with Emmental cheese

  13. bats hanging loose
    by the bells

    a silver quarter
    for the jukebox

    a shelf of horror novels
    by ghost writers

  14. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White
    *
    sheets in the washing machine
    go round and round
    *
    rows of heads
    in hospital beds

  15. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon
    Mary White

    the optician asks
    if it’s better or worse

    all we ask
    is transparency

    a question from the floor
    about the nature of dust

    some people can tell
    margarine from butter

    these cicada shells
    must have been here for ages

    cream spilled over
    the cookery book

    fifty different shades
    of latte

  16. singing Hallelujah
    in a crowded elevator

    singing Hallelujah
    on the way to the 10th floor

    Hallelujah echos
    bouncing off the walls

  17. walked three miles today
    in a prison cell

    walked three miles today
    back and forth back and forth

    walked three miles today
    ten steps at a time

  18. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    maybe rubbing a little rouge
    here and there

  19. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    eyes on the screen
    still double figures to grade

  20. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon……….Mary White

    where were you last night
    when i needed to bathe

  21. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon
    Mary White

    three Hail Marys
    for a clean sheet

    clothes moths
    in the wedding dress

    looking up to a ring
    of surgeon’s faces

    the dance of the hours
    on creaking floorboards

    the death scene
    upstaged by a housefly

  22. Beautiful verse Mary!!! It took my breath away! The oft neglected day moon… we are surprised when we see it, yet it is out of mind when we write about the moon itself.

    1. and also:

      even paler
      than the clearing fog
      day moon—-Mary White

      pretending
      to be invisible

  23. ‘me and my mosquito’
    inside the net

    thought i put you away
    last night

    she did it with the candlestick
    behind the faux bookcase

    deciphering book titles
    beyond the zoomed reporter

    waking up to moonflowers
    on my bedside table

  24. Thank you Marshall for choosing my offering for the moon verse. I saw a day moon over a sea mist last week at Inch Beach in Co Kerry. I chose fog for its Autumn logo.
    I haven’t come across using a haiku or verse with a kireji for the moon verse before. It worked for me so I’m happy with it. Thanks to my fellow poets for your nice comments

    1. hi Pamela
      Lovely first line, but the second creates a pause or ‘half-break’ that could be avoided if we simply change it
      to ‘that i would miss’ . This renews the flow of our renku after the ‘haiku’ verse’, but also allows for an understanding of the link that the “handprints and crumbs” may be missed both in the present and, more emotionally, in the future. So i hope you can accept this alteration. -Marshall

  25. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    an orb weaver
    spins its web in the attic
    .

  26. 4
    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness
    5
    even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon
    6
    the cat comes in for breakfast
    and to dry off

    nobody says much
    studying the day’s program ”

    post-it to self on fridge
    TWO litres milk today

  27. Congratulations, Mary.

    even paper
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    pu!ling out
    several wooden blocks
    .
    searching
    for straight pieces
    .
    looking
    for the edge pieces

  28. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    just when he thought he’d plugged
    the last mousehole

  29. ancient whispers
    of well-wrapped mummies

    the suspicious croupier
    calls for security

    no toilet paper left
    after the west wing riot

  30. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    adding the batting
    to the friendship quilt

  31. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    whispering a secret
    to the nesting dolls
    *
    the secrets she entrusts
    to the nesting dolls

  32. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    sorting what’s still useful
    in her t-shirt and sock drawers
    *

  33. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    exercises that strengthen
    the inner ear

  34. A beautiful verse, Mary White.

    even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon
    — Mary White
    **
    in a dark corner
    waiting until her voice tires

  35. our best silverware
    kept in a dark cupboard

    Around the World in 80 Days
    on the bedside table

  36. what’s left over
    of the leftovers

    what’s left of a soup label
    on the blue mason jar

    mantra-like meditations
    under the mosquito net

  37. Timber Smoke

    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    baked potatoes
    peelings and all

    spotless it seems
    to the naked eye

    sinking the nine ball
    off the break

  38. not much left
    of leftovers

    what else for breakfast
    but pancakes!

    bits of color still
    in the prize bouquet

    1. kanjini…a few hours ago i scribbled this on paper with some others in a series:

      what’s left over
      of the leftovers

      but didn’t get to post it until now….i was so surprised to see your posting of nearly
      the same kind of mantra-like meditations….and what is the chance of this happening here?

    1. Love that one, Lorin! Long live haikai humour; and it seems to me also a sweet turning point…

  39. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon – Mary White
    .
    what to do
    with a basket of daikon?

  40. again….Marshall….the best of the best!
    what a very beautifully, responsive verse, Mary.

    even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    her facial expression
    following the mammogram

  41. Marshall, after I read your guidelines below for verse 5 I only mentioned inferences to the moon and not the moon itself in the sky in my submissions…and then you select a poem with the moon in the sky. It seems the only way to detect that a day moon is paler than the fog is to look up at it. So I’m confused. Was it just the act of visually looking up at the sky you wanted us to avoid?

    “(M)ountain” also means that for the moon verse in verse 5 there won’t be a repeat of looking up (into the sky). But there are other autumnal aspects to focus on such as back-to-school, the turning of the leaves and Halloween for instance. -posted by Marshall

    1. Hi Rob, i thought i said as a last thing for verse 5 instructions that it needn’t be as suggestive of the previous 4 verses. I did, however, as you note, say, after verse 3 that there’d be no looking up for the moon verse, which i think relates to my saying i don’t ‘look up’ for a ‘day moon’; it’s just an immediate surprise as i uncontrolably ‘look up’.
      But, your comment does lead to the idea that i might choose something that i didn’t ask for if i think it adds more significantly to our renku than anything else that does ‘obey’ the instructions.
      It’s not about keeping the rules; it’s about being spontaneous and sensitive language practice.
      Thans, Rob -Marshall

      1. Thank you Sabaki, now it is all ‘clear’ to me–there it was when I wasn’t consciously looking for it–art supercedes rules as in many aspects of life, and no finer example than your choosing of Mary’s amazingly subtle verse for 5.

  42. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary this image is exquisite, so well done!

    Marshall, your imppecable taste for the best is moving this renku along quite well, I commend you.

  43. Congrats Mary and thank you Marshall

    family photo album
    three generations of frowns

    drinking a beer
    while on the treadmill

    crowded trucks, crowded shacks
    migrant workers

    mime trying to open
    an invisible door

  44. Congrats, Mary. Thanks for the guidance, Marshall.

    filling bottles
    with filtered water

    opening a door
    to the breeze

    hands wrinkling
    in a bubble bath

  45. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    sorting the scrapbook treasures
    from the trash

  46. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    ransacking old diaries
    for a family history

  47. neck hairs rise
    as floorboards creak

    a teapot’s whistle
    dies a slow death

    on an old stain
    tap water drips

    a cat pads
    on floor dust

  48. Congratulations, Mary! Thanks, Marshall, for your guidance!

    One of my offers:

    few more haiku
    after this sale

  49. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    hiding the crayoning
    with a quilted sampler

  50. even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    (Congratulations Mary )

    building to a simmer
    the pot on the stove

  51. Lovely verse, Mary! Thanks for the commentary and guidelines, Marshall.
    *
    even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

    Mary White

    *
    shelving the used books
    in alphabetical order
    *

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