The Renku Sessions: Timber Smoke – Week 5
Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s current Renku Session entitled, ‘Timber Smoke’. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto, Canada and will be leading this session through a 36-link kasen renku.
So we have our verse 5; our first moon verse:
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
This picks up nicely on the inclusive contrast of “drawn out / echoes in” of the previous verse while continuing the autumnal seasoning with “pale” and “fog”.
We’ve had movement in each verse so far, but the shift in this one is that the movement is not in a scent, of a plum, of a vehicle or a deer note but within our personal perception itself.
Further, Mary, it’s great that you put “day moon” by itself in the third line; no particle – a surprise to see it as it almost always is, for me at least. I mean i don’t ever look for a ‘day moon’ the way i would for a new moon, a crescent or a full moon. I happen to look up and it’s just there and this is how this moon comes into view.
I also appreciate that you wrote, “clearing fog” instead of ‘lifting fog’ as the ‘ift’ would have rhymed with the “sifts” of the hokku and pulled us aurally backwards.
“Clearing fog” by itself would be a contradiction if it weren’t for the anticipation of what would follow “even paler”. The two together add complexity and make the sense more dynamic. Then cut away to a surprise moon, barely visible, that even links slightly with the “drawn” of the previous verse, if we envisage the faint outline of this day moon.
And our week of the moon verse was completed during a full blue moon!
Well done, Mary White!
What we need now is 2 lines of no particular seasonality. For this one i want something ‘indoors’, but no actual saying of what the writer is inside of; be it shed, closet, store or a room etc.. Something specific or a specific experience of something within one of these kind of enclosing structures. Whereas the hokku connoted the movement from outdoors to indoors ,i would like this verse to be totally ‘indoors’.
Happy Linking
Marshall
Timber Smoke (so far)
nothing dimmed yet
timber smoke scent
sifts into the house
Marshall Hryciuk
one by one
I pick plums off of the ground
Alfred Booth
a file of cars
overtaking a tractor
on the mountain road
Keith Evetts
drawn out deer notes
echo in the coolness
Betty Shropshire
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
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in this foundation makeup box
finely crushed secrets
why not smoothie some expired coco milk
to start fresh?
Oups! This one shows as a 2 liners when flipping my phone horizontally only. Therefore changing into:
from expired coco milk
a smoothie to start fresh
dusting father’s toolbox
in the attic
embroidering
letter L for myself
straightening dog’s ears
in grandma’s cookbook
ironing the old coat
that once was dad’s
Thanks for putting all the verses in order.
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
(Congratulations Mary)
brings
a smile
to the crying baby
my books displayed in rainbow
I leaf through orange
VOTE buttons VOTE
stickers VOTE magnets
reaching for
a needle and thread
grandma’s hope chest
full of memories and destiny
her round mirrored compact
reflects rotating fan blades
an open wine bottle rests
by two glasses
too sentimental to discard
the spent flowers
trying to decide
on soup or salad
propping the book
on a crocheted lap throw
home alone
but for the ticking clock
propping the book
on a crocheted lap throw
I like this Debbie, it has that ‘hygge’ feeling.
All the very best with your entries.
Congratulations Mary!
Thanks Marshall!
even paler
from the cleared fog
daily month
Mary White
*
on my building
mural
correction:
on my wall
mural
the unwatched frying pan
fills the room with smoke
turning it over
I see it says not today
.
about ‘hand prints and crumbs’
marshall is requesting your reply…..Pamela G.
but, please, don’t stop posting your wonderful verses here
thank you Wendy. you are very helpful, kind, encouraging.
in a curled ball, Sophie,
the calico cat, sleeps
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
———Mary White
.
flies
in and out of the outhouse
.
curling wallpaper
reveals a faded stock certificate
.
the old washing machine
grumbles on spin cycle
.
Schrödinger’s cat
dreaming on the couch
.
his gold fobbed watch
beside a hand written note
as if the first time
I see the art around me
more than you know
as you have been a great contributer
correction:
contributor
the sound of ping pong
brothers playing in timeout
a marbleized ball
frees three fingers
a ghost with O.C.D.
keeps checking my door
also:
a ghost with O.C.D.
rechecking my door
snowdrifts in miniature
melting on my windowpane
five year old superman
wire hangers don’t stand a chance
real ghosts don’t wear blue hoodies
hold up treat bags or ring doorbells
real ghosts
don’t ring doorbells
real ghosts
don’t wear blue hoodies
real ghosts
don’t hold up treat bags
Alexa find my
pearl earring
a mummy
with a royal flush in hand
just squatting in here
a mosquito bite
the opal from her necklace
still warm
mother of pearl buttons
adorn her silk blouse
ivory tiles
my last touched haiku
the cat staring at the dog
sitting in the window
musicians know toilets flush
in the key of C
the cat food bowl being
filled with catch-of-the-day fish
Bravo Mary (and Marshall)!
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
***
much needed TLC
on the dollhouse
*
found at last
but expired passport
*
a drawer rattling
with silent knifes
*
itching to explore
behind the fiberglass batts
fine china patterned
after that cubist painting
– Betty Shropshire
the wall clock hands sweep
past ten-fifteen PM
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
blind fish caught
in the helmet light
the drop at the end
of a limestone stalactite
stalactites hang out
with the pipistrelles
the greybeard’s pause
after lathering
the rise and fall
of a cheese soufflé
the rise and fall
of a cheese souffle
🙂 🙂 love it
even the vampire
(sizing my neck) is donating
revamping:
and even the vampire
(sizing my neck) is donating
a must see treasure trove
for rusting frankensteins
garage shelves lined with
jars, nuts and bolts
– a life story
Revision….
garage shelves lined with jars
the nuts and bolts of a life story
feeding popcorn to a mouse
in the cheap seats
found my autobiography
in the Fiction section
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
a dream catcher
above the bedhead
some airman smiles
from gran’s photo album
they don’t make movies
like they used to
even squatting here
a mosquito bite
all afternoon the rings
of her cell phone unanswered
the water thick with salt
I pull the lid shut
slowly I wind
through towers of books
Marshall, since you want personal perception of a specific something or experience, is it ok to use “I” in verse? It would repeat verse 2: “one by one I pick plums off of the ground.
Yes, Carolyn, another ‘i’ would be okay here -Marshall
slowly winding
through towers of books
silent pews
under rose windows
Revise…
silent pews
under rose window rays
Carolyn, these are very lovely verses!
as she frantically parts the steam
her engagement ring circles the drain
moons look brighter
through holes in a roof
some barstools
spin better than tops
I joined the Mile High Club
on May 4th 1983
clutching his broom much tighter
the crypt keeper sees the open lid
no empty stalls so
we powder our noses
out of floss
he substitutes white thread
making my own omelet
with Emmental cheese
on the Dresden china plate
a half eaten sandwich
a ten year old slice
of frozen wedding CAKE
bats hanging loose
by the bells
a silver quarter
for the jukebox
a shelf of horror novels
by ghost writers
adding items to my cart
after checking out
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
sheets in the washing machine
go round and round
*
rows of heads
in hospital beds
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
the optician asks
if it’s better or worse
all we ask
is transparency
a question from the floor
about the nature of dust
some people can tell
margarine from butter
these cicada shells
must have been here for ages
cream spilled over
the cookery book
fifty different shades
of latte
the tick ticking clock sounds
fill the silent room
going through revolving doors
a silver dollar spins
singing Hallelujah
in a crowded elevator
singing Hallelujah
on the way to the 10th floor
Hallelujah echos
bouncing off the walls
Lovely verse, Mary!!
a charm bracelet saved
from the giveaways
– Betty Shropshire
the way overdue book
20,000 leagues under the sea
walked three miles today
in a prison cell
walked three miles today
back and forth back and forth
walked three miles today
ten steps at a time
a shush from the librarian
and we erupt in giggles
small feet
pirouette across wooden boards
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
maybe rubbing a little rouge
here and there
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
eyes on the screen
still double figures to grade
doing it over:
a child circles
the shape that is different
a child circling
which of these are different
correction
a child circling
which shape is different
a final feed for houseplants
before their winter slumber
hands wrapped around coffee cup
curled up on the sofa
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon……….Mary White
where were you last night
when i needed to bathe
a watercolour of eden
on the developer’s wall
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
—
three Hail Marys
for a clean sheet
—
clothes moths
in the wedding dress
—
looking up to a ring
of surgeon’s faces
—
the dance of the hours
on creaking floorboards
—
the death scene
upstaged by a housefly
her school lunch
in the corner
Beautiful verse Mary!!! It took my breath away! The oft neglected day moon… we are surprised when we see it, yet it is out of mind when we write about the moon itself.
the cat staring at the dog
at the door
the resident ghost
passes me on the stairs
inside the oak bark
two tree frog sisters asleep
the new dog watches a movie with the kids
her first slumber party
*she watches a movie
with the kids our dogs first party
(*last correction.)
watching a movie with the kids
our dogs first party
through the rear view mirror
an egret strolling along the edge
Congratulations Mary, a beautiful haiku!
the heater blasting they cruise past a field
noticing the cows
in the birthing room
my son’s first cries
pretending to be invisible
she slips past the ticket booth
and also:
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon—-Mary White
pretending
to be invisible
last memory before waking
my eulogy
getting a C+
on being invisible
and this too:
dissolving a little vitamin D
under my tongue
going bats seeing the page
no longer found online
also:
seeing the page
no longer found
waving to squirrels
from a treehouse window
bats soundly sleeping
overhead
returning the aloe
to the stove
also:
returning the aloe
to the stove top
the liminal space
of the empty mall
poised in the shadows
the spiders I can’t see
‘me and my mosquito’
inside the net
thought i put you away
last night
she did it with the candlestick
behind the faux bookcase
deciphering book titles
beyond the zoomed reporter
waking up to moonflowers
on my bedside table
Thank you Marshall for choosing my offering for the moon verse. I saw a day moon over a sea mist last week at Inch Beach in Co Kerry. I chose fog for its Autumn logo.
I haven’t come across using a haiku or verse with a kireji for the moon verse before. It worked for me so I’m happy with it. Thanks to my fellow poets for your nice comments
It’s a lovely verse, Mary. As soon as I saw it….
handprints and crumbs
I would miss them
hi Pamela
Lovely first line, but the second creates a pause or ‘half-break’ that could be avoided if we simply change it
to ‘that i would miss’ . This renews the flow of our renku after the ‘haiku’ verse’, but also allows for an understanding of the link that the “handprints and crumbs” may be missed both in the present and, more emotionally, in the future. So i hope you can accept this alteration. -Marshall
Absolutely I accept your alteration and appreciate it greatly!
handprints and crumbs
that I would miss
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
an orb weaver
spins its web in the attic
.
4
drawn out deer notes
echo in the coolness
5
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
6
the cat comes in for breakfast
and to dry off
nobody says much
studying the day’s program ”
post-it to self on fridge
TWO litres milk today
Congratulations, Mary.
even paper
than the clearing fog
day moon
pu!ling out
several wooden blocks
.
searching
for straight pieces
.
looking
for the edge pieces
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
just when he thought he’d plugged
the last mousehole
realizing the people in her kitchen
are family
ancient whispers
of well-wrapped mummies
the suspicious croupier
calls for security
no toilet paper left
after the west wing riot
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
adding the batting
to the friendship quilt
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
whispering a secret
to the nesting dolls
*
the secrets she entrusts
to the nesting dolls
down steep stairs
rows of preserves line shelves
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
sorting what’s still useful
in her t-shirt and sock drawers
*
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
exercises that strengthen
the inner ear
A beautiful verse, Mary White.
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
— Mary White
**
in a dark corner
waiting until her voice tires
our best silverware
kept in a dark cupboard
Around the World in 80 Days
on the bedside table
what’s left over
of the leftovers
what’s left of a soup label
on the blue mason jar
mantra-like meditations
under the mosquito net
ship in a bottle
rigged with a thread
the pout of a goldfish
alone in a bowl
Timber Smoke
drawn out deer notes
echo in the coolness
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
baked potatoes
peelings and all
spotless it seems
to the naked eye
sinking the nine ball
off the break
not much left
of leftovers
what else for breakfast
but pancakes!
bits of color still
in the prize bouquet
kanjini…a few hours ago i scribbled this on paper with some others in a series:
what’s left over
of the leftovers
but didn’t get to post it until now….i was so surprised to see your posting of nearly
the same kind of mantra-like meditations….and what is the chance of this happening here?
let-down on my only
job interview blouse
inside my smelly fridge
a white grapefruit
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon – Mary White
.
first Alka-Seltzer
of the morning
Love that one, Lorin! Long live haikai humour; and it seems to me also a sweet turning point…
Post-it’s on the desktop
bearing repetition
Post-its on the desktop
in and out of view
Post-its on the desktop
the things I want to ignore
Post-it’s on the desktop
little task masters
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon – Mary White
.
what to do
with a basket of daikon?
their school pictures
on their grandparents’ mirror
their school pictures
in grandma’s reflection
crumpled seed packets
flowers drying in rafters
dust motes fill the air
sweet hay slips down chute
Pillars of Creation
peeling off the wall
or
Milky Way
peeling off the wall
powdered fingerprints
on my reading glasses
spectacles on my iPhone
moments away from me
baby’s-breath
last in the old thyme jar
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon – Mary White
.
ectoplasm
waiting for its cue
.
her soft brush
over my back shoulder
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
her face
focusing on the mammogram
her face
on the mammogram
birthday cards on the mantle
until the month’s end
again….Marshall….the best of the best!
what a very beautifully, responsive verse, Mary.
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
her facial expression
following the mammogram
Thanks Wendy
Marshall, after I read your guidelines below for verse 5 I only mentioned inferences to the moon and not the moon itself in the sky in my submissions…and then you select a poem with the moon in the sky. It seems the only way to detect that a day moon is paler than the fog is to look up at it. So I’m confused. Was it just the act of visually looking up at the sky you wanted us to avoid?
“(M)ountain” also means that for the moon verse in verse 5 there won’t be a repeat of looking up (into the sky). But there are other autumnal aspects to focus on such as back-to-school, the turning of the leaves and Halloween for instance. -posted by Marshall
Hi Rob, i thought i said as a last thing for verse 5 instructions that it needn’t be as suggestive of the previous 4 verses. I did, however, as you note, say, after verse 3 that there’d be no looking up for the moon verse, which i think relates to my saying i don’t ‘look up’ for a ‘day moon’; it’s just an immediate surprise as i uncontrolably ‘look up’.
But, your comment does lead to the idea that i might choose something that i didn’t ask for if i think it adds more significantly to our renku than anything else that does ‘obey’ the instructions.
It’s not about keeping the rules; it’s about being spontaneous and sensitive language practice.
Thans, Rob -Marshall
Thank you Sabaki, now it is all ‘clear’ to me–there it was when I wasn’t consciously looking for it–art supercedes rules as in many aspects of life, and no finer example than your choosing of Mary’s amazingly subtle verse for 5.
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary this image is exquisite, so well done!
Marshall, your imppecable taste for the best is moving this renku along quite well, I commend you.
Thanks Rob High praise!
Congrats Mary and thank you Marshall
family photo album
three generations of frowns
drinking a beer
while on the treadmill
crowded trucks, crowded shacks
migrant workers
mime trying to open
an invisible door
Wonderful , Mary! And thank you, Marshall!
handmade presents
for grandma
Congrats, Mary. Thanks for the guidance, Marshall.
filling bottles
with filtered water
opening a door
to the breeze
hands wrinkling
in a bubble bath
A lovely verse, Mary. Congratulations.
the needlepoint
I Love You hand
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
sorting the scrapbook treasures
from the trash
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
ransacking old diaries
for a family history
neck hairs rise
as floorboards creak
a teapot’s whistle
dies a slow death
on an old stain
tap water drips
a cat pads
on floor dust
Congratulations, Mary! Thanks, Marshall, for your guidance!
One of my offers:
few more haiku
after this sale
eye-catching earth tones
densely knotted underfoot
mingling on the palette
zinc white and cobalt blue
searching each ceiling
maybe another fan
searching each ceiling
recalling the fan
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
searching for me
within the mirror
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
mind at rest
simple heart
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
hiding the crayoning
with a quilted sampler
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
(Congratulations Mary )
building to a simmer
the pot on the stove
Lovely verse, Mary! Thanks for the commentary and guidelines, Marshall.
*
even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon
Mary White
*
shelving the used books
in alphabetical order
*