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The Renku Sessions: Timber Smoke – Week 4

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Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s current Renku Session entitled, ‘Timber Smoke’. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto, Canada and will be leading this session through a 36-link kasen renku.

 

Okay, we have the link for verse 4. It is:

drawn out deer notes
echo in the coolness

Betty Shropshire

This picks up nicely on the indefinite character of the moving up the mountain road to…anywhere and then places us outside of any domestic or enclosed environment and brings us into a relatively wild one. Deer-hunting season is in the autumn and the sound trailing off here could be plaintive; a doe wounded by arrow, bullet or car; or hushed, as between a doe and her fawn or the reverse of that; a buck’s distant announcement of his presence in his territory. We don’t know. And even if there was in fact a violent act the yelp was in response to, it didn’t happen directly within our range of distinct listening and was ‘off-stage’ and inconclusive.

Not only evocative of the indefinite but the “notes” repeat themselves in progressively less audible echoes.

“Echo” is particularly appealing as a link here if we also read, “echo in” as a transitive verb. reading it that way too, it can be felt to usher in, so gently, the coolness of autumn that is a precursor to winter. All up and through the undefined air.

A delightful link taking impetus from the previous one and at the same time setting our renku up for the first moon verse; which will probably have some visual aspect whereas this link in fact has none.

 

So, what we need now is 3 lines, in autumn with an aspect of the moon implied or stated. This can be a haiku and have a kireji or a break in it, but doesn’t have to.

 

Still no exaggerated language or strident action ‘on stage’ but a shift away from the ‘indefinite’ might be plausible

 

Happy linking

Marshall

 

 

 

 

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This Post Has 161 Comments

  1. Beautiful verse, Betty!

    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    dying campfire
    I warm my hands
    in moonlight

  2. a scimitar moon
    hangs over
    the fallow field
    .

    leaves fall, the moon rises
    but clouds come and go
    as they please

  3. bare branches
    cradling crescent moon–
    still water

    raking leaves
    in the murky pool–
    smell of moon

    my shadow
    takes the shape of bird–
    eyes on moon

  4. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    stubble fields
    an earful
    of moonlight

  5. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    Sixteenth of September
    we search the sky
    for Magritte’s moon

  6. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    night shift
    the shadows
    splintered white

  7. chasing moonbeams
    a maple leaf races
    over the cliff edge

    moonbeams creeping
    across a marble floor
    touch an open coffin

    dark leaves flutter
    across ghostly white craters
    windswept lake

  8. windy night –
    scarecrow on his back
    gazing up at the moon

    cold moon –
    one last cricket chirping
    on a scarecrow’s hat

    listening
    to my moonlit serenade
    in her pullover sweater

  9. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    autumn equinox
    moonlight flooding in
    with the tide

    1. Marshall, would you please take the above haiku I just posted “…a chilling sea…” out of the running?
      I didn’t realize how similar it is to Pamela Garry’s beautiful poem, “…the familiar moon…”
      I hope you will accept my apology, Pamela.

      Madeleine

  10. Moon shining over a pasture on an
    October night and a kind cow watches with wide
    Open eyes at the lunar lantern above her

  11. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    What a beautiful verse Betty

    even paler
    than the clearing fog
    day moon

  12. Congratulations on a lovely verse, Betty! Thank you for the guidance, Marshall!

    Here are my offers:

    moonlight
    staggers across
    the refreshing stream

    ***

    a pear
    eclipsing the moon
    at the forest edge

    ***

    a tint of orange
    from amidst the neighbouring trees
    glowing with russet

    ***

    orange chrysanthemums
    adorning the threshold
    at moonrise

    ***

    cubs crossing borders
    on a long night
    of full moon

  13. a pumpkin carving
    of the stars
    and a sickle moon
    *
    a pumpkin carved
    with stars
    and a sickle moon

  14. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    blue moonlight spills
    from the scarecrow’s
    torn pocket
    *
    splashes of moonlight blue
    stain the scarecrow’s
    worn painter’s pants
    *
    a flutter of zugunruhe
    in the wake
    of the equinox moon
    *

  15. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    snuggling under patches
    of blue moonlight
    on the wild geese quilt
    *
    nights stretching
    in the super blue
    moonlight
    *

  16. listening
    to my moonlit serenade
    in her sweater

    the garbage collector
    reading crumpled poems
    about the moon

  17. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    glints of the moon
    on ruffled water
    a nose & whiskers passing

    silhouettes :
    a trio with raised instruments
    under the moon

    frost in the air
    noises from the moonlit yard
    a head aslant

  18. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness
    — Betty Shropshire

    the familiar moon
    shedding new light
    on the waves

  19. shivering
    by a streetlight
    that looks like the moon

    someone seeking food
    from a dumpster
    under a full moon

    adjusting my halo
    by the light
    of the moon

  20. For the fun:

    first taste of the wine
    a year in barrel
    gibbous moon

    night passage
    the moon bobs in sync
    with the Milky Way

    an owlet’s first flight
    by the light of the moon
    woo-hoo!

    day moon
    the heather purpling
    on the moors

    waning moon
    a merry cricket on a branch
    heads for the falls

  21. moonlight sweeps down
    timbered valleys glowing
    with crimson maples

    north wind penetrates
    hot hazy days
    turning ptarmigan moon-white

    snow geese settle
    In stubbled fields
    moon-lit feathers gleaming

    1. New versions…

      timbered valleys
      crimsom maples glow
      in moonlight

      north wind releases
      summer heat
      ptarmigan turn moon-white

  22. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    coloured leaves
    becoming one shade
    in moonlight

  23. a bored scarecrow
    and wilted garden
    in the moon’s spotlight

    more howls than prayers
    bouncing off
    the full moon

  24. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness
    — Betty Shropshire

    moon landing
    in the morning fog
    by the reservoir

    silver grass
    reaching the golden Moon
    and Kennedy hugging

    the old moon
    veiled in the red lace
    of parting leaves

  25. Wish I’d seen the note about autumn AND the moon before now.
    *
    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *

    the full moon sketches itself
    on the canvas
    of fallen leaves

  26. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    supermoon–
    something in his backpack
    to defeat bullies

  27. Thanks for the clarification, Marshall (moon plus another autumn reference)

    crescent moon
    a late salmon arches
    over the falls

    waxing moon
    filling the estuary
    with silver sea bass

    rising moon
    the first gingko leaf
    drifts downstream

    closing the vent
    in the orchid house
    silver moon

    gibbous moon
    this year’s rabbits
    almost full-grown

    rising moon
    grandpa puts tinfoil bags
    on his chrysanths

    new moon
    the rose of sharon
    lasted a day

    new moon
    the blackness
    of red maple leaves

    dousing the lantern
    to see the moon
    hand in hand

  28. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    eye to eye
    with the moon
    in the camera trap
    *

  29. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    supermoon…
    the eye that fills
    a camera trap
    *
    camera trap–
    catching the moon’s
    bluest eye
    *

  30. his moonlight serenade
    her blushes
    match the maple leaves

    *

    no need for lanterns
    the harvest moon
    highlights his epitaph

  31. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *

    with her bow taut
    Artemis takes aim
    at the moon

      1. Hi Carolyn:
        I am sorry for the late reply. It is wonderful you have taken up haiku. I hope you are enjoying the process. Your haiku looks good to me and it doesn’t seem to require a break after “the whippoorwill”. Although, I am still somewhat uncertain about breaks in renku, myself. Here is Marshall’s statement about kiriji’s or breaks for this week’s writing: “…So, what we need now is 3 lines, in autumn with an aspect of the moon implied or stated. This can be a haiku and have a kireji or a break in it, but doesn’t have to…”. If I may, Carol Jones suggested a couple of weeks ago getting hold of the book, “Renku Reckoner”, by John Carley. I am planning on ordering one, myself. Carolyn, this is quite a lovely haiku! Hopefully, I was of some help.

        Madeleine

        1. Thanks Madeleine! I’ll look that one up, I need to read more haiku books to learn more. Thanks for the like on that haiku! I have imagery down, but need to work on that subtle wording that makes you think deeply about what it means. It’s tough!

          1. You’re welcome, Carolyn. I am happy you asked that question: Marshall’s suggestions have helped me in my understanding, as well:)

      2. Just so you know, carolyn, i’m one of those who favor no punctuation in haiku
        Here, the line break separates “whipperwill . . .” just fine
        but the first two lines have 4 adjectives; better to let your nouns do the showing
        Marshall

  32. Betty you created a little masterpiece that brought me right into the woods with the deer. Thank you Marshall for your expert editing.

    more moons than a timber wolf
    could ever howl at
    in the dew drops

  33. full moon
    matches the hue
    of the wild fire

    a golden glow
    illumines a statue
    in the cemetery

  34. Delightful, Betty!

    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    —–

    there
    bold as brass
    the moon!

      1. thanks, Dan…you made my night!
        glad this one resonated with you, though, not surprised.

        bringing ever more laughter…
        i recognized some jimmy fallon style in your thanking verse…with the shade tree.

  35. Thank you, Marshall and everyone! Delighted to have my verse chosen and especially for Marshall’s help in bringing it in better focus!

    Looking forward to the moon verses . . . did view the blue moon last night under a blazing haze of heat here in Texas. The mornings are definitely cooler but 100° F. temps will be with us for another month. Hoping those of you in Florida and the other coastal states are safe from Idalia’s ravages!
    Best to all,
    Betty

    1. Congratulations, Betty. :-)
      I’ve heard (from a longtime haiku-writer friend who lives there) that it’s hot in Texas. People are worried that their water pipes will burst!
      The ‘blue moon’ last night for me was a pale light behind thick, rolling clouds. The night before I caught a glimpse of it as it peeped out by chance from a thinner patch of cloud before it vanished again.

      1. Hi, Loren!
        Seeing the super blue moon was rare for us, too. Usually weather ruins celestial events where we are now in Texas. So keeping my fingers crossed that the upcoming annular (Oct. 14) & total (April 8) eclipses won’t be marred by weather as we’re well situated to see them! I’m planning to photograph them so on a binge to master the technique beforehand using new equipment for my camera. Old dog learning new tricks sorta thing! ?

  36. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    texting her favorite
    moon photo to everyone
    on the family chat
    *
    fresh moon photos
    to all
    on the family chat
    *

  37. Congratulations Betty – a lovely verse, although I have to confess that I have never heard the term “deer notes”, always learning.

    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness
    –Betty Shropshire

  38. Congratulations Betty!

    summer night
    diving naked
    into the moon

    wilted scarecrow
    waving to the moon
    on a windy night

    another
    stray moon
    following me home

  39. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    the fine drizzle of moonlight
    on the mooncake…
    equinox

  40. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness
    . . . . . Betty Shropshire

    a trail of stars
    and more waxing light
    oak leaves on moss
    **
    vampire stories
    illuminated by campfires
    night clouds
    **

  41. the moon
    in a silver bucket
    of champagne

    crescent moon
    a silver salmon
    leaps the falls

  42. Congratulations, Betty.

    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    blue super moon
    even through
    the curtains

    1. I was hoping for that Robert, all I got was super moonlit clouds (sigh)
      Hope I’m here for the next, in fourteen years time.

      1. Carol, if it’s any consolation, all we got in Melbourne was “super-moon lit clouds” too, rolling from North to South the night before last , with one little peek almost straight above about 10:30 pm, so there was nothing “super” about its size by then. Last night the clouds were so thick one couldn’t even see a dim light where the moon would’ve been.

        1. Hi Lorin, thanks for your reply. A tiny peek is all I had of it behind a blanket of mackerel clouds, it was a lovely sight and I did manage to take one good-ish moonlit clouds photo with a supporting role of an old ash tree. Here, too, the clouds became very heavy, so I gave up the ghost and went back to bed.

  43. a stubble field
    the scarecrow waits
    for moonshine

    barn dance
    the full moon follows
    an old couple home

    Halloween drunk
    the town clock morphs
    into moons

  44. Congratulations, Betty — very nice!

    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    ***

    moonlight filigree
    silvering the ripples
    of the river

    ( I take it that the moon/moonlight is autumn if there is no other seasonal qualifier)

    1. Hi Harrison. Yes, the word, ‘moon’ or the mention of a moon’s effects are traditionally taken to be autumnal but i’d like something besides the moon’s indication in this link to give us an autumnal feeling as well

  45. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *
    boot prints gently scuffing
    the hoof trodden
    moondust
    *

  46. Hello

    Can we have the whole sequence of poem here, that way I can read the previous selected ones and try to be clear as to what to post. Just my suggestion, thank you.

    1. I’ve already asked, Lakshmi. Seems if we want to read the poem as a whole we have to write it down ourselves.

    2. Here ya go:

      nothing dimmed yet
      timber smoke scent
      sifts into the house

      Marshall Hryciuk

      one by one
      I pick plums off of the ground

      Alfred Booth

      a file of cars
      overtaking a tractor
      on the mountain road

      Keith Evetts

      drawn out deer notes
      echo in the coolness

      Betty Shropshire

  47. drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    a field of flowers
    in plein air
    captured for posterity

  48. Congratulations Betty on your verse being selected.

    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness
    –Betty Shropshire

    passing clouds
    the moon telegraphs
    the coming season

  49. Wow! That is so beautiful. I have never experienced this… it’s so beautiful I feel like I am there. Congratulations Betty! And thank you Marshall for this gem and explaining the indefinite and the notes echoing …. So beautiful.

  50. i am so glad that Betty answered Marshall’s request. This is a fabulous verse….and i so wanted it to be included in the renku! Well done Betty!!! i love it.
    And much kudos goes to Marshall for finding it…and placing his magic shine on it

    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire

    *

    rippling pond
    in e v e r y wave
    a shred of moon

  51. Congratulations, Betty! A lovely, evocative verse. Thanks Marshall, for the comments and selection.
    *
    drawn out deer notes
    echo in the coolness

    Betty Shropshire
    *

    stretched canvas…
    the full moon
    sketches itself
    *
    or:
    open air–
    the full moon sketches itself
    on the stretched canvas
    **

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