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The Renku Sessions: Timber Smoke – Week 3

renku_300

Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s current Renku Session entitled, ‘Timber Smoke’. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto, Canada and will be leading this session through a 36-link kasen renku.

 

For verse 3 i’m taking

 

a file of cars
overtaking a tractor
on the mountain road

Keith Evetts

 

I very much enjoyed the reversal from verse to verse that this link performed: going from a singular being (a man) interacting with multiples of another kind of being (plums) to a multiple (of cars) interacting, in a much less pleasurable way with a singular item; the tractor.

No spectacular language but the verse effectively connotes the frustration of the car drivers. Another pleasing aspect is that it takes us from looking down to an immediate thing to looking up the mountain from a broader perspective.

On top of that, we’ve gone from scent to touch to sight as primary senses within three verses.

“Tractor” may be seen as a summer and maybe a spring or autumn indicator, but i have seen farm equipment being moved on a main road in winter, and if it were in winter imagine the increase in irritation for the car drivers at the tractor’s slow movement being so unpredictable. But we don’t have to worry about winter now; we’re moving to autumn for the next two links and having had a farm accessory there can be no harvesting nor fruits in these 2 links.

“(M)ountain” also means that for the moon verse in verse 5 there won’t be a repeat of looking up (into the sky). But there are other autumnal aspects to focus on such as back-to-school, the turning of the leaves and Halloween for instance.

This verse keeps the renku running smoothly, too, so thanks for that Keith.

 

And what we need now is 2 lines, autumn; still with reserved language and no violent actions, but with lots of activities and events to play with.

 

Happy linking

Marshall

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This Post Has 161 Comments

  1. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on a mountain road

    Indian bummer still
    home from home in our camper

    straw bales dot the field
    as for cable laying

    water creeps down the arroyo :
    moonlight, yet safe to cross ?

  2. bright yellow piles of leaves
    kicked up with eager feet

    jack-o-lantern faces flicker
    while ghosts and goblins scurry

    bobbing for apples at pumpkin
    patch my nose full of water

  3. surprised by the broom
    a leaf somersaults

    leaves crackling in midday sun
    grandfather rocking his chair

    wind summoning leaves
    to commune with earth

  4. a flock of golden-plovers
    alights on a fallow field

    harbor whitecaps rime
    the deck in early morning

  5. he wears his brother’s
    outgrown costume

    it seems like overnight
    that the leaves began to fall

    facing a roomful
    of shiny new shoes

  6. even my foam pumpkins
    smile toothlessly
    *
    summer’s flower petals
    are slowly brown-tipped
    *
    my summer personality
    turns witchy-woman in autumn

  7. under the brim
    of my big straw hat

    *

    the scarecrow’s left hanging
    in the field

    *

  8. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    *
    trying not to seem scared
    on the first day of school

  9. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road
    Keith Evetts

    ***
    stags bay in mist
    by the telephone poles

    a punt full of leaves
    creaks on its tether

    the kestrel’s first flight
    downhill all the way

    this year’s class teacher
    is a stick-in-the-mud

    home run
    last pitch of the season

  10. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    rhut rhut as the Brent Geese
    land on the eel grass

    Brent Geese arrive in Ireland in the Autumn

    three tiny teddies
    in her new school pencil case

  11. Great writing, Alfred and Keith. Grateful once again for Marshall’s guidance.

    noisy crow
    raccoon finally tips the pail

    billowing leaves retake the railbed
    vanishing caboose

    burrowed tortoise pissed
    at groundbreaking ceremony

    dead crocus push through carpet of red
    october graveyard

    1. revisions, hopefully for the better:

      billowing leaves reclaim the railbed
      from an afternoon freight

      dead crocus emerge
      in front of a haunted house

  12. Thanks for the nice comments on the daisan.

    Just to recall Marshall’s opening comment “I’d like maintain this renku as a global outreach including the southern hemisphere as well, so that, e.g., indicating winter by Christmas references or spring by those of Easter will not be accepted” and to note that in the Rest-of-World Labour Day is 1 May, but for anti-communist motives the USA chose September…

    traces of turbulence
    behind a moulting swan

  13. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    .
    hup hup hup hup
    the marching band takes the field

  14. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts (Bravo! Brought back many lovely memories of my Quebec rural years).

    *
    his first mascara
    almost Halloween
    *
    picking up the mail
    with a beret and « bonjour »
    *
    slowly infusing her cubicle
    the return of pumpkin chai latte
    *
    a rainbow of rain boots
    ready for puddles
    *
    despite arthritis
    she weights each squash
    *

    1. hi Betty
      A diamond in the rough here —
      I hope you would accept an alteration to: drawn out deer notes
      echo in the coolness
      Very nice -Marshall

  15. rhe haunting hoot of owls
    shattering the chilly night

    whispering Vaya con Dios
    to our feathered friends

  16. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    *
    local candidates gearing up
    for the coming elections
    *
    there to help the steady stream
    of Labor Day shoppers
    *

  17. Hello Marshall Hryciuk! Hello everybody!

    Congratulations, Keith!

    *
    a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road
    -Keith Evetts

    ***
    Kans grass whitens
    the susurrus of wind
    ***
    saying goodbye at school-gate
    I straighten his tie

  18. a massasuaga
    made sluggish by the chill

    big enough for long trousers
    this school year

    the squeal of a rabbit
    almost full grown

  19. rows of toothless kids
    returning to school

    *

    ode to a jack-o-lantern
    due by next week

    *

    hard to speak truth
    when you’re missing teeth

    *
    hard to whistle
    when you’re all lit up

    *
    hard to keep this smile
    when you’re being smashed

  20. Congrats Keith!

    a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts

    crisp air fills the lungs
    as the first frost arrives

  21. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts

    leaves for a cushion in front
    of the scarecrow’s bare bones

  22. feeding acorns
    to a happy hog

    following a rattlesnake
    on a leaf-covered hiking trail

    brushing away leaves
    from her tombstone

    remember running through
    the piles of leaves

  23. third trimester
    everyone feels the bump

    screech of bamboo
    against the panes

    a plastic rattlesnake
    in her hallowe’en hair

  24. the new student’s name
    calligraphed on a leaf

    *

    even the scarecrow’s maker
    arrested for trespassing

  25. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road
    —Keith Evetts

    on zoom with audio on
    and out-of-sync
    new harmonies

  26. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road
    —Keith Evetts

    blooming wildflowers
    in dry rock
    farm to forest

  27. double dutch slaps
    on the playground
    ***
    dodge ball hitting
    below the belt
    ***
    red rover red rover
    through tight fists

  28. thanking an acorn
    for its future shade
    ******
    refugee brothers
    waving to migrating geese
    *********
    nature’s
    kaleidoscope
    ******
    chimney smoke
    swirling in the wind
    *****

  29. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    *
    growing up as her sister
    in a hand-me-down gym suit
    *
    BFFs turned twins
    in new school uniforms
    *

  30. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    *
    the honking of geese
    in a clear sky

  31. Congrats, Keith, for that verse.

    the scratching
    of pencils on goldenrod tablets

    sharpened pencils writing
    about summer vacations

    the rustling of leaves
    under a Jake’s wire range

    a black cat weaves
    through the pumpkin patch

    the school bus’s air brakes
    hiss at each stop

  32. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts

    *
    he must apologise for the delay
    he says in perfect English

    *
    don’t worry about Risotto with pumpkin
    it’s still al dente

  33. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts

    *

    up to our ankles
    in fallen leaves
    *
    turning up the volume
    to hear “Golden Years”

  34. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    *
    waving goodbye to her son
    in the rearview mirror
    *
    the bumper sporting
    a new varsity sticker
    *

  35. a pregnant jack-o’-lantern
    in plain sight

    a pregnant jack-o’-lantern
    the bare view

  36. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    pumpkin muffins
    slathered in Irish butter

    the driver reeking
    of whiskey and witch hazel

    a locker combo
    of 36-24-36

    a lab partner
    to die for

    sent home for wearing
    a SId Viscious tee shirt

  37. Very nice, Keith!!! ?

    *

    tossing coins at plates
    to win a candied apple

    *

    the school bell rings
    time to sit down

    *

    handing out treats
    to witches, ghosts, and goblins

    *

    eating kettle corn
    with my grandparents

    *

    toccata and fugue in d minor
    bellows out of the organ pipes

    *

    black cat
    purring up a storm

    *

    children laughing
    through the corn maze

    *

    Thank you,
    Diana

  38. (for the fun of it):

    the tinkle of rivulets
    after cool rain

    the wind after hours
    redistributes the leaf piles

    all the math we’ve forgotten
    by Michaelmas term

    a detachment of leaves
    falls in the trenches

    last of the marigolds
    in a whitewashed tire

  39. bears fattened up
    after the salmon run

    ***
    ethereal shapes
    of wolves in fog

    ***
    the bathroom now home
    to huge spiders

    ***
    storm drains clogged
    with fallen leaves

    ***
    the song of a leaf blower
    chimes with the crows

  40. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road
    – Keith Evetts

    yet another perspective shot
    of golden straw bales

  41. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road – Keith Evetts 🙂 Congratulations, Keith.
    .
    the scarecrow set up
    in a crop circle
    .
    or:
    .
    the burning man set up
    in a crop circle

    🙂 Congratulations, Keith.

  42. I enjoyed your poem Keith!

    does a leaf also feel grief
    over a life so brief

    tripping over pumpkins
    on a foggy morning

  43. the scarecrow not scaring
    bloody scavengers

    catching dragonflies
    for the witch’s cauldron

  44. Keith . . . another great verse! Well done!

    schoolchildren taking selfies
    photobombed by a honking goose
    – Betty Shropshire

  45. Congrats, Keith.

    a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    …Keith Evetts

    the jack-o’lantern’s teeth
    between marigold cheeks

    ***

    how can a french horn
    make leaves fall

    ***

    kids jumping up and down
    to trick or treat

    ***

    the price of gold
    falling with the leaves

    ***
    giving thanks
    we are not turkeys

  46. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    *
    the drive-in still open
    as leaves colorize the film
    *
    the lacrosse team returns
    with a win under its belt
    *

    1. whoops–lacrosse is a spring sport!
      revision:

      *
      the football team returns
      with a win under its belt
      *

  47. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    **
    **
    All Saint’s Day
    for too many lost souls

  48. Would the mention of anything made of wood or tree related eg, besom broom, be too close to the hokku at this stage of the verse?

      1. We take a lot of time preparing our verses, its good to know if we’re near the ball park.

        Thanks Laurie.

      2. “These days a broom is likely to be made of plastic.” – Laurie

        Really? Well, I have always had straw brooms (nothing like them for getting into corners, inside or out). But then, I have been accused of taking midnight flights around the neighbourhood on it. My younger neighbours use those noisy blower things.

      1. Well, that’s the end of “chopsticks” then, since bamboo is a type of wood. We’d have to write “plastic chopsticks”.

        1. “Well that’s the end of “chopsticks” then.

          Bamboo is a type of grass, so I would think you’d be ok, with the chopsticks, Lorin.

    1. sorry…last correction on this one. i promise!!

      suspenders and a hard hat
      complete her costume

  49. Congratulations, Keith, your verse made me smile. I drive tractors on the road with an implement or a trailer. I often find myself raising a particular finger as a passing gesture if anyone overtakes and overly blasts the car horn.
    Lovely verse.

    1. Thanks, Carol. I felt a little speed would mark a daisanly departure from v1 and v2, and thought of us all lining up to get a ‘turn’ at the route… 😉

  50. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    *
    borrowing the witch’s broom
    to sweep the landing

  51. a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts

    *

    mom reserves movie-size
    M&M’s from a treat bag

  52. Good going, Keith! And thanks, Marshall, for the commentary.
    *
    a file of cars
    overtaking a tractor
    on the mountain road

    Keith Evetts
    *
    fashioning the witch’s hat
    from a traffic cone

  53. Many thanks, Marshall: honoured to be chosen for the daisan.

    Thanks also for your slight but significant revision too: “overtaking” puts it in the present imperfect continuous, and in addition gets round the grammatical discomfort caused by “file” being singular and “cars” being plural. An improvement.

    Onwards we go…

    1. Thanks for pointing out my change, Keith. When i wrote it out in longhand, i just spontaneously changed it to the imperfect participle; but most usually attempt, at the least, to garner the poet’s assent before changing their verse. Good as she goes, though. Thanks again -MH

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