The Renku Sessions: Timber Smoke – Week 28

Comments (131)

1. i remembered
   when I was a teenager
   confused like this

2. just forget it
   raise the wine glass
   blood melts

3. the pounding
   of hockey sticks
   and tankards

4. dragons breath
   hugging myself
   waiting for the bus

5. in a quiet recess
   of a windowpane
   ladybirds are sleeping

6. wearing winter hats
   shivering
   searching for stanza stone

7. ice-melt
   ripples along
   the gutters

8. flat tire fixed and now
   to pry dungaree knees
   from the black ice

   1. slimmed:

      flat fixed
      now to pry my dungarees
      off the ice

9. again
   dad wanders off
   unsuited for the elements
   *
   a frank talk follows
   dad’s wandering off
   in freezing weather
   *
   retrieving his ax
   from the shed
   time for more logs
   *
   more than enough
   logs split
   to carry tonight’s chill
   *
   sparks spill beyond
   the wrought-iron
   fireplace fence

10. a pinch of salt
    to the stew bubbling
    on the backburner

11. shooting stars
    above the ice-cold outhouse
    midnight in the boondocks

12. planters
    still covered
    by frost

13. gardeners rake the soil
    ready for seeding

    1. oops! edit-

       gardeners
       rake the soil
       ready for seeding

14. even on frigid mornings
    the trees
    are full of lively crows

15. bitter cold
    the scent of cinnamon
    from inside

16. the crackle
    of electrical chanteys
    slipping off knickers

17. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    ——-Dick Pettit
    .

    a sip of nepenthe
    six months of cold melt into
    warm nothingness
    .

    frogs and turtles
    under the ice-locked pond
    dreaming

18. frosted windows
    and then
    the thermostat’s click

19. steaming latte
    like a chimney
    on the rock ledge

20. espresso roast
    staving off
    the chilblains

21. grandpa’s ghost
    sitting by
    the fireplace

    walking my mutt
    on a
    frozen lake

22. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    cross-country skiers
    following
    a contrail

23. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    inhaling
    the hot cocoa
    all in one breath
    *
    too cold to wait
    for the cocoa
    to cool

    1. Lauri, I love: too cold to wait….

24. a hot buttered rum
    after his shift on
    the Zamboni

25. he selects
    the chilliest day
    to practice setsubun

26. another version:

    the crackle
    of electrical chanteys
    stepping out of knickers

27. Dear Marshall
    Nevertheless, I beseech you sir, on bendèd knee,
    to suffer my wounded verse to be salved in it’s latter-day
    form. :

    Wyndes through the snow-stacked tables
    of/at/by (but not in) the sea-front caff

    for if the outside tables – & their chairs – are not
    stacked outside, they couldn’t be be-windered
    and besnawen.

    Your recalcitrant servitor
    Dick P
    (though I guess it doesn’t matter if
    they get blown over or not).

    1. Hi Dick … here’s my humble interpretation: I simply envisioned it as an open-air cafe by the sea and ‘in’ is entirely appropriate. And I like (in my mind) the whole “wrath of God” the revised version gives to the previous verse on “Sin City”. Course, I’m here in Texas with over a million+ acres of land burned by ongoing wildfires and parts of California buried under windswept mountains of snow by a recent blizzard so here’s where my mind goes…Wrath of God…that ole time religion.

       Best regards, Betty

    2. Dick, it’s not the tables that are leveled but the stacks of snow on them. We’ve gotto move on.
       Marshall

28. stepping out of knickers
    the crackle
    of electrical chanteys

29. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    carolers sing
    O Tannenbaum
    for the homeless
    **

    a car ride
    to gape at outrageous
    holiday lights
    **

    in red pajamas
    we spy on the chimney
    one night per year
    **

30. my future bleak
    depends
    upon dull past

31. wyndes level snow-
    stacked tabled
    in the sea- front caff
    — Dick Pettit
    –
    tomorrow
    what else happened?
    No one knows
    —- Nani Mariani

32. wyndes level snow-
    stacked tabled
    in the sea- front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    suddenly
    interact with nature
    eerie cold

    —Nani Mariani

33. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    ——-Dick Pettit
    .

    an inviting light
    of butter yellow leaks out
    from under the threshold
    .

    in the scullery
    a cat with icy green eyeshine
    twitches its tail
    .

    1. edit to delete “twitching tail” that I failed to recall

       in the scullery
       a cat with icy green eyeshine
       listens for footfalls

34. ?

    wyndes tumbledown snow-stacked tables
    by the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    1. No; ‘tumbledown’ and ‘winding’ are connectives to the stupor of the Las Vegas casino and that would just be bad linking. The shivering oudoor cafe with its bracing winds are a fabulous juxtaposition to the casino stupor but they must be presented in parallel opposition; not be tagged together like a walk from the street through the park. Juxtaposition in my view must be presented as such, not as simply contiguous.
       i read “wyndes” as ‘wind’, complete with the double-entendre of ‘what winds around’ and will continue to do so.
       Thanks for asking -Marshall

       1. got that, marshall!
          are you okay with ‘by’, (my suggestion) on L2 and/or is “in” (your replacement for dick’s ‘of’) necessary for the confinement of the double-entendre?

          1. hi Wendy. Surprised by your question: once the sabaki decided on the verse, discussion as to its contents have concluded.
             I enjoy your presence in comments across the file and want to thank you for pointing out previously that “Las Vegas” means ‘the meadows’ in Spanish -thereby reinforcing the link with the cow’s tail.
             But discussion of verse 28 contents is over. We are on verse 29 now.
             Happy linking -Marshall

             1. sorry, marshall…will you forgive me?
                i hadn’t realized the shop was closed.
                was under the impression that dick and you
                were actively working on an amicable solution.
                i always support and respect sabaki’s final decision.
                thank you for making the sign, perfectly clear now
                to me….i had been holding back posting any more verses,
                waiting for a resolution….now, i am free to post more verses
                so thank you for letting me know that dick’s verse will stay the same.

35. frozen knights
    standing guard on chessboards
    in the park

    a mouse
    shivering under
    the radiator

    pity snowmen
    with a
    carrot penis

    1. It might be a snowman standing on his head!

       1. :) :)

36. the snow-kissed
    grotesque head
    over heels

    Or

    the snow-kissed grotesque
    head over heels
    on the spire

    Or

    the grotesque’s tongue
    catching snowflakes
    on the cliff

37. scarecrow.
    standing guard
    in the snow

    icic
    le
    s

38. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    ——-Dick Pettit
    .

    now living in the attic
    a family
    of fleet-footed mice
    .

    spending the cold
    months in earthy darkness
    star-nosed mole

39. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    council cutbacks
    the town’s oldest cherry tree
    felled for firewood

40. Thanks Nancy ; & Wendy for your plea of
    2/29/24, 7pm.
    Marshall ; I entreat you to substitute

    wyndes through the snow-stacked tables
    of the sea-front caff

    instead of the ‘leaving’ verse.¨
    I didn’t realise what a near impossible
    problem I’d made for you & everyone else
    through not knowing (not for the 1st time)
    the difference between my 3s & my 2s.
    I think ‘Wyndes through….’ is the best
    that can be managed. It keeps much of the
    3-liner and is internally consistent.

    Tumbledown Dick

    1. Hello again, Dick. It’s not ‘leaving’ but ‘levels’ that i added; as in knocking down some or parts of the “snow-stacks”. I understand you want to keep the ‘winding’ of “wyndes”, but for me this makes the “endless night” of the previous verse the subject to the verb “wyndes” and i don’t like it, since that would take some of the dazed torpor out of the Las Vegas night. I did like how “level” links with “tables” at the end of the line -and that word does give the whole verse a more metallic feel and i think the two-liner works quite nicely in itself and within our renku. I think “wyndes” being an archaic word evokes both the forceof modern ‘wind’ and something that winds as well. But your suggestion would mean the “snow-stacks” remaon behind which i find implausible.
       Hope you agree -Marshall

       1. just wondering if these can be options here:

          wyndes level the snow-stacked tables
          by the sea-front caff

          Dick Pettit & Marshall Hryciuk

          1. or shortened to:

             wyndes level snow-stacked tables
             by the sea-front caff

             Dick Pettit & Marshall Hryciuk

          2. cancel this first suggestion, i made a copy/paste mistake by copying Dick’s
             instead of Marshall’s take.

             no “the” in line one.
             my suggestion are: “by” instead of “in”.
             the ‘b’ resonates with ‘table’ and the ‘y’
             resonates visually with ‘wyndes’
             and making the authorship, fully collaborative.

41. a crooked stick
    turns the chestnuts
    on the trader’s brazier

    Grandma knitting
    a woolly jumper
    for the early lamb

    the exquisite joy
    of slipping into bed
    with a hot water bottle

42. the musty scent
    of grandpa’s library
    après ski

    ( thank you Wendy, for the reminder!)

43. slow waltzing
    with a beluga cloud
    full of remoras

    1. :)

44. coming out tsundoku
    the smell of books
    and hot lemongrass tea

45. wyndes level snow-
    stacked tabled
    in the sea- front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    miss the sea
    but the snow covered it
    disappointing
    — Nani Mariani

46. wyndes level snow-
    stacked tabled
    in the sea- front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    that miracle
    can melt the world
    let alone seasonal snow
    -Nani Mariani

47. the rise and fall
    of cranberry corn
    muffin tops

    1. Love it, Wendy!

48. Congratulations Dick. Marshall, a marvelous verse and collaboration to add to our amazing renku.

49. a round of hot
    buttered rum
    for all our poets here

50. after the seance
    ice cold fingers
    touch mine

    1. :)

51. marshall i do believe your presence is requested
    at the curbside to re-direct the flow of dick’s wynde

    1. ‘to re-direct the flow of Dick’s wynde :) :)
       Nice one, Wendy.

52. old man
    fireside in his sweater
    unfrayed

53. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    stained-glass windows
    believing in the promise
    of a high summer

54. under the beluga cloud
    we slow waltz
    on its shadow

55. under the beluga whale
    we dance
    on a snow shadow

    1. under the beluga whale
       we dance
       on a cloud’s shadow

56. to MK : Whoops ! v28 ! It should be 2 lines :

    Wyndes through the snow-stacked tables
    of a sea-front caff – abject apologies.

    to Bialek, W.C.
    re The Learnèd Ass
    I accept your corrections
    with thanks
    Pettit, D

    1. Hi Dick, and yes, Wendy, you’re right, i need to put in a response here.
       No need for abjection, Dick; ‘wind wyndes’ would have been great and ‘levels’ is a bit weak, but its ‘l’s
       do link with the one in “tables”. I did understand it was an outdoor cafe, so the stacks of snow could very well have been flattened by wyndes, especially if it were one laden with a double meaning..
       But, yes, it had to be 2 lines, so i knew i had to alter and compress it.
       Gracious of you to accept those alterations after the fact, Dick. Thanks again -Marshall

       1. thanks, marshall, for coming out and clearing the tables

57. still sliding
    towards the goalie
    a bloody scarf and four bottom teeth

    and this version:

    a bloody scarf
    and four bottom teeth
    still sliding towards the goalie

58. lost border
    on a vaporized stream
    fossils’ crib

59. the raised spots
    under a pleated plaid skirt
    bedbugs getting off scot-free

    1. LOL!

       1. got a rise out a yer….lol!

60. I like how bardd D. Pettit continues to stay on the wynde! And how bardd Marshall weeds the wynde!

    wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    not even
    the number of the days
    making sense

61. original
    Wind wyndes
    through the snow-stacked tables
    of a sea-front caff :
    reviséd
    wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Comment : I can see that’winter’ is unnecessary :
    [‘Winter wyndes’ came from :
    Blow, blow thou winter wynde !
    Thou art not so unkind
    as Man’s ingratitude ]

    BUT 1) There was meant to be a pun on
    winds the noun & winds the verb, which
    is now lost.
    2) the stacked tables are outside the caff :
    if they were inside & the caff shut, the wind
    couldn’t get at them, They can only be outside :
    even there the wind might not be able to
    level them, i.e.knock them over.

    Could the verse be :

    Wind wyndes
    through the snow-stacked tables
    of a sea-front caff :

    A wynd is also a curving pathway. and wind wyndes suggests
    the sound of the wind through the metal tables.
    I think this change wouldn’t invalidate any of the
    continuations so far put up.

    Whatever, thanks for choosing my poor verse,
    even in its imperfect state
    Dumbfoundered Dick

    1. “..my poor verse…”

       your caff verse is anything but poor, dick–
       i repeat, it is one of the finer verses to appear
       in marshall’s renku, in ALL of its different forms
       penned by yourself and sabaki (who even came
       up with two versions himself–one in his week 27
       change request, the other, his final offering atop 28)

       i am enjoying every one of them because of
       the beautiful evocative image you birthed.
       the collaboration only makes it more excellent.
       that’s what a sabaki (or any literary editor)
       does best.

       so rest assured even though your verse has
       changed, everyone here is enjoying all the
       variations of it, like different paintings of the
       same subject.

       all who agree please chime in!

       1. I agree nothing ‘poor’ about this verse. The way it has been presented adds texture to the session. Being surrounded by metal gates in the fields and yard, I heard that sound through metal, surreal.
          Not everything has to be spelt out within a verse, its good to leave the reader discover.

          ‘like different paintings of the same subject’
          Well said, Rob.

       2. Chiming in with my “chyme belles”:) Rob… I agree! Enjoyed reading both yours and Carol’s commentary.

          1. chiming in with madeleine’s belles and echoing carol’s carol

             1. :)

          2. Thanks, madeleine and Wendy.
             Its a very good verse.

             1. :)

       3. great response, rob…i was also thinking and feeling along similar lines.

       4. Just using the old English wyndes made it a winner. Not just an obscure, fallen out of favor, word either, but an old English word.

          1. that clinched it for me, too! nancy

    2. dick,
       i remember what i felt when, where and how, my first, edited poem got published.

       first edited poem published
       i know why the bare
       willow weeps
       &

       in my humble opinion, dick, your verse is neither ‘poor’ nor ‘imperfect’!

       the screws i didn’t use
       to build this bookcase
       builds a library

       1. another version:

          screws i didn’t use
          to build this bookcase
          tomorrow’s library

62. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    the riveting display
    at the ice sculpture
    festival
    *
    the timeless groan
    of river ice
    settling
    *
    river ice groaning
    to ease
    its own weight
    *

63. vapor rises out
    of the murk
    from a gravediggers tea

    1. edit-
       out of the murk
       vapor rises
       from a gravediggers tea

64. I’m delighted that Dick’s verse was selected. It is such fun to say or hear. Thanks, Marshall.

    bumblebee
    queen hibernating
    in a hole

65. A wonderful verse, Dick, and an equally delightful choice, Marshall.

66. By participating in the recent offering “The Way of the Haiku” (Upaya Zen Center, Santa Fe), I discovered you.

    1. Welcome, Viatka. Glad that you’re here. :)

67. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    each snowflake
    brings a landscape
    unlike any other

68. co-captians marshall and d. petit: a fine leoþcræft ye brīewst

    wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    the glee
    of a bedbug
    filled to the breard

    the glee
    of a bedbug
    filled to the brim

    breard=old english for brim

    1. correction:
       d. pettit

    2. another correction:

       co-captains

69. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    mulled wine
    and a snow angel
    on each arm
    *
    concluding the soiree
    with sherry
    and snow angels
    *

70. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    desolate scene
    peregrine in its take-off
    swift cry of prey

71. a donkey smile
    melting my
    cold cold heart

    1. Dan, It doesn’t seem to me that you have a cold heart…quite the contrary. :)

       1. But, it goes well with our theme:)

       2. Madeleine,
          I read cold cold heart and in my mind I hear Elton John’s and Dua Lipa’s collaboration. I love that song.

          1. Nan, I am embarrassed to say that I have never heard this song:/ . Although I am so stuck on his “Rocket Man” and “Daniel My Brother! :)

72. Congratulations, Dick!

    +++

    on the hob
    below an opaque pane
    frozen chuckleberries

73. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    *
    ground coating
    on a cold morning—
    this crossword puzzle

    *

74. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    weel done bosun pettit, d., one of the best!
    ship is steering straight and true, marshall!
    (fine edit as well)

75. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    more than a splash
    of brandy
    in Mrs Beeton’s mulled wine

76. timber smoking house
    invites pilgrim poets in
    from lengthening days

77. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    how about a bowl
    of porridge with apples
    berries and cinnamon?

78. Congratulations, Dick, on your verse.
    wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    –Dick Pruitt

    sipping hot chocolate
    after an afternoon
    of ice aksting

    a hot toddy
    after an afternoon
    of skiing

    1. Obviously I slipped and fell on my key-ster when correcting my entry.

       sipping on hot chocolate
       after an afternoon
       of ice skating

       On the other hand, when I first keyed in Dick’s full name the autocorrect changed it to Duck Pruitt (and actually changed the last name, too). Congrats again on your verse, Dick!

       1. Dick, sorry for the error on your name, Mr. Pettit.

       2. Nan, your auto corrects are a joy to read! Always bringing a smile to my face. :)

          1. Thanks, Madeleine. I really hate typos, especially my own. When they are created by the autocorrect function, it is infuriating. I must say some are funny as long as I can catch them before I hit POST COMMENT.

             1. Yes, so true, Nan. I couldn’t help but fall for the double entendre. :)

    2. Hi Nan, I saw your “hot toddy” just now, which is delightful, by the way. I wrote one above about a hot drink too,.. just for fun.

       1. Hot beverages seem to go with winter, Madeleine, don’t you think? Or maybe it’s just me (and all the extra kettle time making tea) we are experiencing right now. Hot butter rum is a good choice, Madeleine. Mulled wine, hot cocoa, too.

          Dick’s verse is seen around here yearly. The riverside tables (of the restaurant/pub) are stacked up and take the brunt of strong wyndes blowing off the lake as well as the river. It’s such a vivid scene to me.

          1. I love it, Nan…yes, it’s true and very lovely thoughts.:)

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