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The Renku Sessions: Timber Smoke – Week 28

renku_300

Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s current Renku Session entitled, ‘Timber Smoke’. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto, Canada and I will be leading this session through a 36-link kasen renku.

 

First of all, let me remark on how gratified i am that so many of you took my added instructions to heart and came up with many idiosyncratic words in your offerings, the many of which would have genuinely qualified for this link, but, of course, only one  of the collective plethora could be fitted in here.

I chose one that had not only a special word, but a voice that i could hear pronouncing the whole verse in an Irish or Scottish brogue. I had to compress it a little, but the author expected this:

 

wyndes level snow-stacked tables
in the sea-front caff

Dick Pettit

 

This has the older English spelling of ‘wind’ and ‘cafe’ but bears the gruff sound of the ‘lordly linked’ consonants of Old English Anglo-Saxon bardic poetry. The alliterative ‘s’ of “snow-stacked” is picked up by the “sea” of the second line, while the finishing ‘f’’ sound of that line is announced in “-front” where we might have expected ‘sea-side’. The fact that i cut out “winter” in the poet’s original should show you how much i resist have the season named in renku or in haiku in general; even when it’s joyously alliterative.

Certainly a stern pivot on surfaces from the casino tables, but also, the sound of “caff” could be spelled ‘calf’ which would be an outrageously too-close backlink to the cow’s twitching tail; but keeping to the letter of the rule, this is acceptable though deliciously transgressive.

Thank-you, Dick Pettit

 

This satisfies the need for an arcane word, but certainly doesn’t exhaust it. More importantly, we need a 3 line verse that is still wintry yet cannot have any wind, precipitation or seas. Might be too soon for another verse of this sort, but our crew seems quite capable of verbal surprises. Keep up the literate attention!

Happy linking
Marshall

 

 

 

 

Timber Smoke (so far)

 

nothing dimmed yet
timber smoke scent
sifts into the house

Marshall Hryciuk

 

one by one
I pick plums off of the ground

Alfred Booth

 

a file of cars
overtaking a tractor
on the mountain road

Keith Evetts

 

drawn out deer notes
echo in the coolness

Betty Shropshire

 

even paler
than the clearing fog
day moon

Mary White

 

handprints  and crumbs
I would miss them

Pamela Garry

 

giving pollen
a lift
on the bicycle bells

Laurie Greer

 

the tiffany blue
of 3 eggs in a nest

Eavonka Ettinger

 

scattered spores
following a random trail
through landmines

John Hawkhead

 

attempted murder
by the morality police

Rob Barkan

 

next door’s dog
barks
at our snowman

Carol Jones

 

the mailman’s breath
faintly white

Keith Evetts

 

Jacques Brel singing
“in the port of Amsterdam”
on the radio

Alfred Booth and Marshall Hryciuk

 

a whirligig of leaves
sweeps the deck clean

Wendy C. Bialek

 

evening begins
with a gift of opal
moonlight

Marion Clarke

 

beachcombers trade shells
as the tide comes in

Jonathan Alderfer

 

a morning glory
the hummingbird
unfolds

madeleine kavanaugh

 

stepping from the change room
in her prom gown

Laurie Greer

 

her scent
on the pillow
the morning after

Andrew Shimield

 

some vows
break easier than twigs

Dan Campbell

 

hand-calligraphed
happy new year postcard
smudge and all

Pamela Garry

 

hard to forget the party
and my off-tune singing

Biswajit Mishra

 

a blackbird tapping–
smiles and thanks me for
the seed

Melissa Dennison

 

sewing up an open wound
on the dragon’s flank

Tracy Davidson

 

blue dashers
skim the surface
of a still pond

Betty Shropshire

 

twitching of a cow’s tail
in the shade of an oak

Andrew Shimield

 

the endless
night of a Las
Vegas casino

Eavonka Ettinger

 

wyndes level snow-stacked tables
in the sea-front caff

Dick Pettit

 

 

 

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This Post Has 131 Comments

  1. again
    dad wanders off
    unsuited for the elements
    *
    a frank talk follows
    dad’s wandering off
    in freezing weather
    *
    retrieving his ax
    from the shed
    time for more logs
    *
    more than enough
    logs split
    to carry tonight’s chill
    *
    sparks spill beyond
    the wrought-iron
    fireplace fence

  2. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    ——-Dick Pettit
    .

    a sip of nepenthe
    six months of cold melt into
    warm nothingness
    .

    frogs and turtles
    under the ice-locked pond
    dreaming

  3. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    cross-country skiers
    following
    a contrail

  4. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    inhaling
    the hot cocoa
    all in one breath
    *
    too cold to wait
    for the cocoa
    to cool

  5. another version:

    the crackle
    of electrical chanteys
    stepping out of knickers

  6. Dear Marshall
    Nevertheless, I beseech you sir, on bendèd knee,
    to suffer my wounded verse to be salved in it’s latter-day
    form. :

    Wyndes through the snow-stacked tables
    of/at/by (but not in) the sea-front caff

    for if the outside tables – & their chairs – are not
    stacked outside, they couldn’t be be-windered
    and besnawen.

    Your recalcitrant servitor
    Dick P
    (though I guess it doesn’t matter if
    they get blown over or not).

    1. Hi Dick … here’s my humble interpretation: I simply envisioned it as an open-air cafe by the sea and ‘in’ is entirely appropriate. And I like (in my mind) the whole “wrath of God” the revised version gives to the previous verse on “Sin City”. Course, I’m here in Texas with over a million+ acres of land burned by ongoing wildfires and parts of California buried under windswept mountains of snow by a recent blizzard so here’s where my mind goes…Wrath of God…that ole time religion.

      Best regards, Betty

    2. Dick, it’s not the tables that are leveled but the stacks of snow on them. We’ve gotto move on.
      Marshall

  7. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    carolers sing
    O Tannenbaum
    for the homeless
    **

    a car ride
    to gape at outrageous
    holiday lights
    **

    in red pajamas
    we spy on the chimney
    one night per year
    **

  8. wyndes level snow-
    stacked tabled
    in the sea- front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    tomorrow
    what else happened?
    No one knows
    —- Nani Mariani

  9. wyndes level snow-
    stacked tabled
    in the sea- front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    suddenly
    interact with nature
    eerie cold

    —Nani Mariani

  10. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    ——-Dick Pettit
    .

    an inviting light
    of butter yellow leaks out
    from under the threshold
    .

    in the scullery
    a cat with icy green eyeshine
    twitches its tail
    .

    1. edit to delete “twitching tail” that I failed to recall

      in the scullery
      a cat with icy green eyeshine
      listens for footfalls

    1. No; ‘tumbledown’ and ‘winding’ are connectives to the stupor of the Las Vegas casino and that would just be bad linking. The shivering oudoor cafe with its bracing winds are a fabulous juxtaposition to the casino stupor but they must be presented in parallel opposition; not be tagged together like a walk from the street through the park. Juxtaposition in my view must be presented as such, not as simply contiguous.
      i read “wyndes” as ‘wind’, complete with the double-entendre of ‘what winds around’ and will continue to do so.
      Thanks for asking -Marshall

      1. got that, marshall!
        are you okay with ‘by’, (my suggestion) on L2 and/or is “in” (your replacement for dick’s ‘of’) necessary for the confinement of the double-entendre?

        1. hi Wendy. Surprised by your question: once the sabaki decided on the verse, discussion as to its contents have concluded.
          I enjoy your presence in comments across the file and want to thank you for pointing out previously that “Las Vegas” means ‘the meadows’ in Spanish -thereby reinforcing the link with the cow’s tail.
          But discussion of verse 28 contents is over. We are on verse 29 now.
          Happy linking -Marshall

          1. sorry, marshall…will you forgive me?
            i hadn’t realized the shop was closed.
            was under the impression that dick and you
            were actively working on an amicable solution.
            i always support and respect sabaki’s final decision.
            thank you for making the sign, perfectly clear now
            to me….i had been holding back posting any more verses,
            waiting for a resolution….now, i am free to post more verses
            so thank you for letting me know that dick’s verse will stay the same.

  11. frozen knights
    standing guard on chessboards
    in the park

    a mouse
    shivering under
    the radiator

    pity snowmen
    with a
    carrot penis

  12. the snow-kissed
    grotesque head
    over heels

    Or

    the snow-kissed grotesque
    head over heels
    on the spire

    Or

    the grotesque’s tongue
    catching snowflakes
    on the cliff

  13. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    ——-Dick Pettit
    .

    now living in the attic
    a family
    of fleet-footed mice
    .

    spending the cold
    months in earthy darkness
    star-nosed mole

  14. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    council cutbacks
    the town’s oldest cherry tree
    felled for firewood

  15. Thanks Nancy ; & Wendy for your plea of
    2/29/24, 7pm.
    Marshall ; I entreat you to substitute

    wyndes through the snow-stacked tables
    of the sea-front caff

    instead of the ‘leaving’ verse.¨
    I didn’t realise what a near impossible
    problem I’d made for you & everyone else
    through not knowing (not for the 1st time)
    the difference between my 3s & my 2s.
    I think ‘Wyndes through….’ is the best
    that can be managed. It keeps much of the
    3-liner and is internally consistent.

    Tumbledown Dick

    1. Hello again, Dick. It’s not ‘leaving’ but ‘levels’ that i added; as in knocking down some or parts of the “snow-stacks”. I understand you want to keep the ‘winding’ of “wyndes”, but for me this makes the “endless night” of the previous verse the subject to the verb “wyndes” and i don’t like it, since that would take some of the dazed torpor out of the Las Vegas night. I did like how “level” links with “tables” at the end of the line -and that word does give the whole verse a more metallic feel and i think the two-liner works quite nicely in itself and within our renku. I think “wyndes” being an archaic word evokes both the forceof modern ‘wind’ and something that winds as well. But your suggestion would mean the “snow-stacks” remaon behind which i find implausible.
      Hope you agree -Marshall

      1. just wondering if these can be options here:

        wyndes level the snow-stacked tables
        by the sea-front caff

        Dick Pettit & Marshall Hryciuk

        1. or shortened to:

          wyndes level snow-stacked tables
          by the sea-front caff

          Dick Pettit & Marshall Hryciuk

        2. cancel this first suggestion, i made a copy/paste mistake by copying Dick’s
          instead of Marshall’s take.

          no “the” in line one.
          my suggestion are: “by” instead of “in”.
          the ‘b’ resonates with ‘table’ and the ‘y’
          resonates visually with ‘wyndes’
          and making the authorship, fully collaborative.

  16. a crooked stick
    turns the chestnuts
    on the trader’s brazier

    Grandma knitting
    a woolly jumper
    for the early lamb

    the exquisite joy
    of slipping into bed
    with a hot water bottle

  17. the musty scent
    of grandpa’s library
    après ski

    ( thank you Wendy, for the reminder!)

  18. wyndes level snow-
    stacked tabled
    in the sea- front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    miss the sea
    but the snow covered it
    disappointing
    — Nani Mariani

  19. wyndes level snow-
    stacked tabled
    in the sea- front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    that miracle
    can melt the world
    let alone seasonal snow
    -Nani Mariani

  20. Congratulations Dick. Marshall, a marvelous verse and collaboration to add to our amazing renku.

  21. marshall i do believe your presence is requested
    at the curbside to re-direct the flow of dick’s wynde

  22. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    stained-glass windows
    believing in the promise
    of a high summer

  23. to MK : Whoops ! v28 ! It should be 2 lines :

    Wyndes through the snow-stacked tables
    of a sea-front caff – abject apologies.

    to Bialek, W.C.
    re The Learnèd Ass
    I accept your corrections
    with thanks
    Pettit, D

    1. Hi Dick, and yes, Wendy, you’re right, i need to put in a response here.
      No need for abjection, Dick; ‘wind wyndes’ would have been great and ‘levels’ is a bit weak, but its ‘l’s
      do link with the one in “tables”. I did understand it was an outdoor cafe, so the stacks of snow could very well have been flattened by wyndes, especially if it were one laden with a double meaning..
      But, yes, it had to be 2 lines, so i knew i had to alter and compress it.
      Gracious of you to accept those alterations after the fact, Dick. Thanks again -Marshall

  24. still sliding
    towards the goalie
    a bloody scarf and four bottom teeth

    and this version:

    a bloody scarf
    and four bottom teeth
    still sliding towards the goalie

  25. I like how bardd D. Pettit continues to stay on the wynde! And how bardd Marshall weeds the wynde!

    wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    — Dick Pettit

    not even
    the number of the days
    making sense

  26. original
    Wind wyndes
    through the snow-stacked tables
    of a sea-front caff :
    reviséd
    wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Comment : I can see that’winter’ is unnecessary :
    [‘Winter wyndes’ came from :
    Blow, blow thou winter wynde !
    Thou art not so unkind
    as Man’s ingratitude ]

    BUT 1) There was meant to be a pun on
    winds the noun & winds the verb, which
    is now lost.
    2) the stacked tables are outside the caff :
    if they were inside & the caff shut, the wind
    couldn’t get at them, They can only be outside :
    even there the wind might not be able to
    level them, i.e.knock them over.

    Could the verse be :

    Wind wyndes
    through the snow-stacked tables
    of a sea-front caff :

    A wynd is also a curving pathway. and wind wyndes suggests
    the sound of the wind through the metal tables.
    I think this change wouldn’t invalidate any of the
    continuations so far put up.

    Whatever, thanks for choosing my poor verse,
    even in its imperfect state
    Dumbfoundered Dick

    1. “..my poor verse…”

      your caff verse is anything but poor, dick–
      i repeat, it is one of the finer verses to appear
      in marshall’s renku, in ALL of its different forms
      penned by yourself and sabaki (who even came
      up with two versions himself–one in his week 27
      change request, the other, his final offering atop 28)

      i am enjoying every one of them because of
      the beautiful evocative image you birthed.
      the collaboration only makes it more excellent.
      that’s what a sabaki (or any literary editor)
      does best.

      so rest assured even though your verse has
      changed, everyone here is enjoying all the
      variations of it, like different paintings of the
      same subject.

      all who agree please chime in!

      1. I agree nothing ‘poor’ about this verse. The way it has been presented adds texture to the session. Being surrounded by metal gates in the fields and yard, I heard that sound through metal, surreal.
        Not everything has to be spelt out within a verse, its good to leave the reader discover.

        ‘like different paintings of the same subject’
        Well said, Rob.

      2. Chiming in with my “chyme belles”:) Rob… I agree! Enjoyed reading both yours and Carol’s commentary.

      3. great response, rob…i was also thinking and feeling along similar lines.

      4. Just using the old English wyndes made it a winner. Not just an obscure, fallen out of favor, word either, but an old English word.

    2. dick,
      i remember what i felt when, where and how, my first, edited poem got published.

      first edited poem published
      i know why the bare
      willow weeps
      &

      in my humble opinion, dick, your verse is neither ‘poor’ nor ‘imperfect’!

      the screws i didn’t use
      to build this bookcase
      builds a library

      1. another version:

        screws i didn’t use
        to build this bookcase
        tomorrow’s library

  27. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    the riveting display
    at the ice sculpture
    festival
    *
    the timeless groan
    of river ice
    settling
    *
    river ice groaning
    to ease
    its own weight
    *

  28. I’m delighted that Dick’s verse was selected. It is such fun to say or hear. Thanks, Marshall.

    bumblebee
    queen hibernating
    in a hole

  29. By participating in the recent offering “The Way of the Haiku” (Upaya Zen Center, Santa Fe), I discovered you.

  30. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    each snowflake
    brings a landscape
    unlike any other

  31. co-captians marshall and d. petit: a fine leoþcræft ye brīewst

    wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    the glee
    of a bedbug
    filled to the breard

    the glee
    of a bedbug
    filled to the brim

    breard=old english for brim

  32. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    mulled wine
    and a snow angel
    on each arm
    *
    concluding the soiree
    with sherry
    and snow angels
    *

  33. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    desolate scene
    peregrine in its take-off
    swift cry of prey

    1. Dan, It doesn’t seem to me that you have a cold heart…quite the contrary. 🙂

      1. Madeleine,
        I read cold cold heart and in my mind I hear Elton John’s and Dua Lipa’s collaboration. I love that song.

        1. Nan, I am embarrassed to say that I have never heard this song:/ . Although I am so stuck on his “Rocket Man” and “Daniel My Brother! 🙂

  34. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    *
    ground coating
    on a cold morning—
    this crossword puzzle

    *

  35. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit

    weel done bosun pettit, d., one of the best!
    ship is steering straight and true, marshall!
    (fine edit as well)

  36. wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff

    Dick Pettit
    *
    more than a splash
    of brandy
    in Mrs Beeton’s mulled wine

  37. Congratulations, Dick, on your verse.
    wyndes level snow-stacked tables
    in the sea-front caff
    –Dick Pruitt

    sipping hot chocolate
    after an afternoon
    of ice aksting

    a hot toddy
    after an afternoon
    of skiing

    1. Obviously I slipped and fell on my key-ster when correcting my entry.

      sipping on hot chocolate
      after an afternoon
      of ice skating

      On the other hand, when I first keyed in Dick’s full name the autocorrect changed it to Duck Pruitt (and actually changed the last name, too). Congrats again on your verse, Dick!

      1. Nan, your auto corrects are a joy to read! Always bringing a smile to my face. 🙂

        1. Thanks, Madeleine. I really hate typos, especially my own. When they are created by the autocorrect function, it is infuriating. I must say some are funny as long as I can catch them before I hit POST COMMENT.

          1. Yes, so true, Nan. I couldn’t help but fall for the double entendre. 🙂

    2. Hi Nan, I saw your “hot toddy” just now, which is delightful, by the way. I wrote one above about a hot drink too,.. just for fun.

      1. Hot beverages seem to go with winter, Madeleine, don’t you think? Or maybe it’s just me (and all the extra kettle time making tea) we are experiencing right now. Hot butter rum is a good choice, Madeleine. Mulled wine, hot cocoa, too.

        Dick’s verse is seen around here yearly. The riverside tables (of the restaurant/pub) are stacked up and take the brunt of strong wyndes blowing off the lake as well as the river. It’s such a vivid scene to me.

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