The Renku Sessions: Tawny Jacket – Week 9
I am John Stevenson and I will be your guide for a twelve-verse renku, in which we will compose one verse per week until completion. A longer session, with a different leader, is being planned to follow this one.
This past week we were blessed with two-hundred-thirteen offers, from forty poets, several of whom have joined us for the first time. Thank you, all!
Before highlighting a selection of verses, I would like to make an observation. My preference is that a love verse will be immediately recognizable as such, a summer verse will be immediately recognized as summer, and that even non-seasonal and non-topic specific verses will generally be clear to a reader without looking up any of their constituent words or images. In renku, we look for variety in all things. So, a couple of verses that may require readers to do a web search are not a problem but too much of that, like too much of anything, can be problematic.
Here is a very small sample of the many verses that I especially appreciated:
the moon and I
have our dark sides
Dan Campbell
the moon almost liquid
in the evening heat
Polona Oblak
welcome coolness
on the moonlit verandah
Lorin Ford
belly flops
into a moonlit pool
Maureen Virchau
barley fields rippling
in the moonlight
Andrew Shimield
a swim in the lake
following the moon
Marina Bellini
floating in the pool
under the moon’s power
Agnes Eva Savich
teens yell “Geronimo!”
from a moonlit pier
Maureen Virchau
sweat-stained oars dip
into moonlit doldrums
Betty Shropshire
Our eighth verse is:
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
By this stage of our renku, it can become possible to eliminate almost any offer based upon some degree of relationship to a literal image, class of images, word association, or implication of an earlier verse. In a way, this is good news because it means that, with just seven previous verses, we have created a vast network of potential associations. The bad news is that it can begin to make our task more work and less play. So, I’m going to urge everyone to relax on this score. Having said that, I will share, for information purposes, some of my misgivings about the verse I’ve selected.
Saying “almost there” can be looked upon as a reply to “sets out” in the hokku, though I take its meaning in the present verse as “almost visible.” Naming the season or verse topic is legitimate but we have already done it in the hokku (“autumn”) and in verse five (“love”). Perhaps you will see other issues. As I have said, it gets harder not to as we go along. But now, let me say what I find attractive about this verse.
First of all, this a very finely drawn portrait of a moment in time. The days are longest in the summer and there is a moment when the sky is too bright for us to see the day moon. Then there is a moment just after that. Furthermore, this moment is personal, based upon the acuity of each individual’s vision. These considerations cause me to see the previous verse in a different light. The starry night toad was considered extinct for thirty years. But it was there all the time, just as the moon was in the daytime sky before we could see it. We human beings can be childish in presuming that what we can’t see does not exist. But we know that the moon and stars are as close to eternal as anything in our daily experience.
For our ninth verse, these will be the requirements/considerations:
- a three-line, non-seasonal verse
- connecting in some way to the eighth verse and in no obvious way to any of the previous verses
- transforming our sense of the eighth verse
Note: In “Introduction to World-Linking Renku” Shinku Fukuda provides a long list of “topics” that might be included in a renku, even though they do not have any particular verse placements. Examples of these include the following, which we have not yet touched upon: mountain, store, liquor, job/profession, politics, economy, education, military, history, nation/place names. These are just a few hints about potential focal points for this and the next non-seasonal verse, before we conclude our renku with two spring verses (including a spring blossom).
Our renku, so far:
Tawny Jacket
autumn leaves
she sets out in
her tawny jacket
Andrew Shimield
the still-warm hollow
where the deer slept
Kristen Lindquist
cigar smoke
lingers
in the empty room
Pauline O’Carolan
seraphim song
of a glass armonica
Autumn Noelle Hall
ice-skating
with my hunka hunka
burning love
Lorin Ford
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
Maureen Virchau
rediscovery
of the starry night toad
after all this time
Linda Weir
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
Please enter your verse offers in the comments box, below. I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Tuesday, January 14 (New York time zone). On Thursday, January 16, there will be a new posting containing my selection for our eighth verse, some discussion of other appreciated offers, and instructions for composing the ninth verse.
I look forward to seeing your offers!
John
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summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
.
end of her tether
juggling job, kids
and parents
.
after a 13 hour shift
the midwife curls up
in her scrubs
summer day moon
almost there
.
Wendy C. Bialek
coffee cup enso
on white writing paper
so she starts again
ah, an enzo…. was wondering when it would appear. You have an interesting interpretation
a beacon
throws a line
to the late craft
Two girls
wached by a boy
giggle
The dog’s
cold wet snout
nudges her
.
a bit more child disappears
with each test bubble
filled
.
I began reading up and not in any particular direction, I just typed in renku sessions in the search engine, and got to pinterest, thought this link could be useful…I learn a lot from the comments in there:
https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/2015/09/17/renku-sessions-triparshva-call-verse-14/
—
that said, John, thanks for letting us play, it is just fun for me for now and some time more, learning is incidental always …
How much time has passed
from the old photo
on dad’s shoulder
Nice nice. Interesting
yes! angiola
oh, I’m very glad you liked it, I love my faded photo with dad !!
Thank you Wendy , thank you Pratima .
Why would anyone have/wear an old photo on their shoulder, Angiola?
.
I was mystified until it occurred to me that perhaps you don’t really mean what you wrote, Possibly instead, you might’ve intended something like “How much time has passed since this old photograph of me on my Dad’s shoulder was taken! “
i think angiola….it is hard enough…to stop doing automatic breaks for haiku….and then on top of this…english being a second language.
angiola
your ideas are so very touching….hoping you can work out the language wrinkles….i still haven’t broken haiku habits, too! i know you will get into the swing of this soon.
.
for lorin…what you wrote is what she means….but that is quite wordy, and some of the words have redundancy ….i am sure you see.
perhaps an approach like this…could reduce the wordage/and overlaps:
my haiku about my rescued puppy/ now… full grown dog “mesa”:
hard to believe
she used to fit
in this tiny harness
.
wendy c. bialek
what do you think?
how did she
ever fit in this
tiny harness
wendy c. bialek
yes Lorin !!
Quanto tempo è passato da quando è stata scattata questa vecchia fotografia di me sulla spalla di mio padre! “
summer day moon
almost there
.
Wendy C. Bialek
.
with each test bubble filled
a bit more child
disappears
.
wow! Mr. Green…so true
cool! jsg!
if the first line is considered to have a break, easy fix….jsg
just make it the last line…..
Thanks for that tip, wcb, on moving the first line to last. The first will be last—and the last can be second!
I wonder what John Stevenson would say…
What I would say (have said in a previous week) is that anytime you begin with a preposition, you are likely to
have a break in your verse. Opening with a prepositional phrase is a deeply ingrained habit of haiku poets. It’s one of the most frequently applied strategies for making a two part / cut verse. But we don’t want cuts in any renku verse other than the hokku (first verse).
From reading the comments it seems my original contribution might have too much of a music reference so I am revising it. Gotta love a game where you can change your move!
.
they turn up
the car radio
for breaking news
Oh. Is it good news … like CNY of Metal Rat?
college students
hold protests against
the Vietnam War
maureen….thank you, you have brought to mind so many feelings and memories for me with your verse:
big protests against vietnam war took place on the campus of suny at sb….that i witnessed while i was finishing attending as undergrad. many students…i later recognized in “newsday…our local, long island paper” i knew participated….some were arrested and graduated a semester late….because they put their “moral values ahead of their personal educational goals”.
*something that i dearly miss in our current government administration.
i do believe these protests did help to shape that future.
.
and now….this is happening all over the world, again, people taking a stand for what they believe in.
in high school….i walked for civil rights, sang and played guitar anti-nuke/anti-war and pro-peace folk songs at ny world’s fair. i take the non-violent approach. the pen…
..mightier than the sword.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences, Wendy. I am reminded of the cycles of war & peace. Sounds like you have endless poetry within. Take care of yourself & keep on writing!
thanks…maureen….just beginning to scratch the surface.
love your verses and comments.
Before we leave this section, please would it be possible to have a link for the beginning of,
A Day of Snow- Marshall Hryciuk.
I can only get the 12th verse, I’d like to read this through, but other sessions keep popping up when I try to move back or forward, irritating.
.
Thank you.
Carol,
.
I don’t administer the site and I’m not certain if I understand the difficulty you are encountering. I went to the archive of completed renku and had no difficulty in bringing up the full text of A Day of Snow. Here’s where I found that:
.
https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/renkuarchive/2016_adayofsnow.pdf
Thanks, John the link has worked and downloaded onto my pad, must be the setting on my pc, that was blocking it.
All’s well.
Thank youCarol and John. Very useful.
I also did a search, Robert, for the whole session of entries from participants, and the gruelling demands of the sabaki, and I mean ‘gruelling’
but what a read, worth going through each session to see how many verses were entered before a selection was made, believe me, it’s worth reading, but it will take time.
I can see know what John meant when he said he wanted to encourage new participants and make this a fun session.
If I had joined in at the stage above I would have given it a wide berth.
one more for the pot-
.
signature of the paint pot
left to dry
on the floor
revise-
.
paint pot’s signature
left to dry
on the table
Ummm.
If it is acrylic it will become concrete. Oils will scrape off. Yikes.
this might be eye shadow make-up….that also comes in paint pots…..like mac
Now that’s a thought, Wendy. Not clued up about the make-up world as I don’t use any, but an interesting thought. However, I do try my best to keep may hands looking good, a difficult task, with the job I do.
Quite right, Pratima 🙂
I’ve done this so many times when painting my home. Rushing to get it done, plonking the pot on a convenient surface, lifting the pot, and there it is, that circle of emulsion, thankfully it wipes away, but not before it provided an image of a ‘new moon’
great story, carol…..and great use of getting that, “new moon” shape into your verse!
so funny ….i got a crescent moon shape….when i imagined… that maybe….if it were eye shadow…the shape around the eye where it is finger-rubbed….to make that smokey-eyed look that is so fashionable today.
.
when i think of house paint….,for some reason i think of it being more in cans…than pots.
.
so i did a google search on “paint pot”s….and that is how i found out about this make-up.
newborn’s
smeared footprint
on death certificate
.
wendy c. bialek
trash
from a misted glass
traveling in the fields
hi angiola…what is “misted glass”?
.
is this from water condensation….or
do you mean previously glazed or frosted glass?
from water condensation, Wendy, but the waste was visible because it was in the colored bags. Sorry , my english is of google !!
filings
in the kaleidoscope
changing form
summer day moon
almost there
.
Wendy C. Bialek
.
the man
in the white house
changes his mind again
Piqued by this one. Another way of saying I loved it
i love this too! but i question the word “man”
🙂 🙂
Interesting–I didn’t have a problem with the word “man;” it’s the word “mind” I question.
*
XD
*
~Autumn
lost lives
mass times acceleration
equals force
This is a really interesting verse, Steve. What struck me upon a second read-through was the way the word “mass” could invoke the religious “Mass.” How often do we see religion “accelerating” until war (Holy Wars, Jihad, etc.) is the end result? Good to have the “lost lives” front and center, to remind us of that.
*
Very thought-provoking–thank you.
*
~Autumn
closing in
on the booze free
challenge
for Marion~
.
Darth Vader
granted a pardon
from the president
.
.
Now if only Star Wars didn’t link to the ‘starry night’ verse! haha
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
eye chart
without letters
for the toddler’s exam
*
24-hour
surveillance
at the church
*
24-hour
surveillance
all over town
*
aspiring poet
with a job
creating hyper-links
*
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
mountains of plastic
on the homeless man’s
cart
*
cops on their beat
in a shiny
new cruiser
*
thwack of a newspaper
landing
before dawn
*
in the all night bar
we declare every glass of wine
better than the last
4.rediscovery
of the starry night toad
after all this time
summer day moon
almost there
5. mistakes
which irretrievably
destroy life
attentioness
is the day’s order
to save life
Hic
😄
in a tale
of two cities only one
wins the championship
Hahaha good one, Michael!
Btw that looks like Guinness you’re drinking in your profile pic!
At cv least cv it is cv only a game. That is comforting.
yikes, the cv is typo, call it the flying word speed syndrome while the percolator starts spewing kapi
sorry people,
it should read:
at least it is only a game. That is comforting.
the news is not so comforting especialky these past few days
summer day moon
almost there
.
in his teacher’s voice
Dad explains how ice rounded
the Mountains of Mourne
My father taught geography not only as a profession but also to my siblings and me, during ‘field trips’ around our local area. On a Saturday morning he would bundle us all into the car and head up into the Mournes— a wonderful, natural classroom, but of course we had no idea we were being taught, it was simply great fun!
or perhaps ‘in his teaching voice’ would be better…
Many can relate to this verse, Marion.
What a memory jolt.
Thank you, Carol.
Well done, Wendy— your verse has already had a lot of very interesting responses!
.
summer day moon
almost there
.
as if by magic
Northern Ireland’s government
reopens for business
The political shenanigans of our small part of the world might not be known to all but, news of the return to office of our Assembly members on Saturday (after three years of absence) was a real surprise !
Nice one, Marion 🙂
.
Do you think it is to have a better chance to re-enter the EU, after we leave?
Politics certainly have this air of a mystery tour.
I doubt it, Carol, since the Unionists don’t want to leave the UK. I think it may have been a case of, “Get your asses back onto those seats at Stormont or your pay will be stopped!” 😄
No better incentive 🙂
Indeed! 😉
thank you, marion….for your “magical” observations and words!
i was concerned that it might be difficult to link to….since it was so open…but the direction that came from the list of subjects (fukuda) that john provided has seemed to make it much easier.
Definitely, Wendy- they served well as a focus.
.
Thanks, John. 🙂
.
marion
coming out tipsy
from whiskey row
new pissing contestants
.
wendy c. bialek
topic of HISTORICAL/TRAVEL/Alcohol
https://www.prescott.com/whiskey-row
Cheers, Wendy!
cheers, ingrid….glad to see you here!
coming out
tipsy
from whiskey row
.
who can make it
cross the street
from whiskey row ?
.
wendy c. bialek
.
wendy c. bialek
the wait
as the universe
prepares its response
.
wendy c. bialek
Grand Canyon
carrying stones
from the slip
nice, robert….though it is in my “backyard”, have not visited it yet!
…
but what i can gather here….is that “slip” has multiple meanings besides meaning “fall”…. it also refers to the clay elemental makeup of az’s soil. “slip” is watery clay used to make pottery.
and there may be more here then i can imagine….would like to hear it from you if you care to share.
Thank you Wendy. If I lived that close I would need to visit.
I’m afraid my verse is from the movies. Tempted to use gunfire, choosing stones instead. Perhaps rubble could also be a good substitute for stones.
I must admit I did not know you could produce clay from the slip. That said, most matter can be reformed if mixed with a compatible.
some visiting poets
disappointed to find
Mount Fuji dormant
.
will ‘dormant’ relate back to Autumn?
revise-
.
poetic blues
at seeing Mount Fuji
in full slumber
I don’t think so. But it certainly goes back to “where the deer slept” for me.
That was a consideration that sprung to my mind, also, when re-reading the session.
This is what makes Renku such a fascinating subject that broadens the mind, and makes the writer really think about back-linking especially participating in short renku and the meaning that can be associated with presented words.
Bone changes
A chainsaw’s tune –
Lumberjack
Hi Dan,
.
You have been such an enthusiastic participant that I want to give you a couple of pointers that may help you write a verse that can be incorporated in our final renku.
.
First – There should be no break in your verse. Unlike the opening verse (and haiku, in general), these subsequent renku verses should not have two parts.
.
Second – Try to avoid writing a verse that functions as a complete poem. Renku is about co-creation. Your verse should aim to make a poem with the preceding verse rather than all by itself.
Thanks John, this is very helpful, will do!
Dan
Hi Dan
.
This verse- Jan 12-12.09
.
my jogging route-
sprints through cemeteries
rest stop at bakery
.
could have a subtle dark humour if rearranged and maybe have that edge of ‘almost there’ regarding the cemetery
.
When I read it made me smile. I might have my knuckles slapped if I do editing without prior permission.
Hi Carol, thanks for the note and please feel free to edit it!
Dan
Thankyou for your response, Dan, and indulging me in my thoughts 🙂
.
usual jog to the bakery
then a long rest
in the cemetery
.
using ‘in’ instead of ‘at’ to allow room for the reader to decide…
.
Happy writing, Dan.
summer day moon
almost there
.
Wendy C. Bialek
.
off the hill
to the sand
a child somersaults
carmen….this works as a strong narrative link….paints a pretty continuation of a picture as well as showing the cyclic/rotational link to moon and somersaults and day in summer activity.
Wendy and Ingrid, For a long time, I have been waiting to write a verse about this memory. I lived on a hill that sloped down to a lake. I was always scared of somersaults after that.
This is a nice haiku, Carmen ! The picture conjure up a smile and makes forget the desasters for a moment. Thank you !
childhood tv memories
of Iran/Iraq troubles
some sixty years ago
history repeats, …sadly
in a hurry
going no where
busy doing nothing
hi
you are onto something
a fast scraped stool
at the bar tenders
rebuttal
Saluting our
Ancestors from long ago –
Rift Valley
false dawn
hint of the future
just past
My jogging route –
Sprints through cemeteries, rest stop at
A bakery
interesting
uncollected milk
at entrance door
until next morn
where did the stray cat go?
hi Radhamani
Dear Pratima,
Good question, stray cat could not reach the bag because of the height, unreachability , if English language permits.
the melt
of swiss cheese
on a bagel
.
wendy c. bialek
twitter fingers
long enough
to be wmd
.
wendy c. bialek
(*WMD=weapons of mass destruction)
topic of POLITICS
the pastry chef
dusts sugar
on a miniature soufflé
another veteran
feeling the old ache
of a phantom limb
– Betty Shropshire
This is lovely, Betty. As you are one of the more experienced Renku posters
could you say if this is a ‘scent link’ (nioi)
I’ve tried my hand at an ‘object link’ (mono-zuke)
Whether I have succeeded, I don’t know. But if anyone can tell me, please do 🙂
.
These are the questions I would like to ask, as this is a sure way to learn the different link and shift, methods. I’ll get it wrong a million times, no doubt, but I hope to learn from those who know better 🙂
.
Thank you.
These are worthy questions. If a few of us were composing a renku in the same room, with a flexible time limit, they would offer a great topic for a long discussion. In this forum, I would prefer not to go there.
.
I’ll say one thing about it,though – which would be where I’d start if we were going to have a long talk: while this question sounds like it should have an objective, “science of renku” answer, there is a tremendous amount of subjectivity involved because the intentions of the poets and understandings of the readers are among the pertinent factors and the permutations of those factors are much too complex for simple, reductive answers.
I understand what you are saying in your first paragraph, and with no reservation, we are here for a limited time, and more importantly, for the fun of it.
.
I may not understand everything that the more informed people, within this genre, talk or write about, but to read about it is all I have, at the moment, and having the opportunity of being here.
I read things online such as, WHC. Renku Seminar-session 1beginning.
I do agree with your second paragraph about the intentions of the poet and understandings of the readers, this is why I feel the need to learn about the shift and link methods. Maybe a session, in the future where the sabaki determines the link required, now that would be a learning curve.
The mention of ‘science of renku’ will send me to do a search.
.
Thank you for you reply, John, I enjoyed reading it.
ok. read this, trying to assimilate what has been said. Thanks both
That’s all we can do, Pratima, try, try, and try again.
On times I just want to leave it there, but it is an addictive (for want of a better word)
hobby.
All the best with your writing, Pratima.
what i like here, betty, is your use of “phantom”….to me, this is both visual, and emotive (mood) link to day moon.
some thing that is felt but not always there….not always seen but still felt/ and missed….and influenced by…
as well as showing compassion for the past/present/ painful loss and suffering that comes from war and battles…. there is no clear end in sight to the future patterns of harms-to-come. so here we have the full circle/cyclic-scientific and compassion link.
Thank you Carol. I just like to play and play and play and it just improves the learning for me. .. I used to fret as a kid when it got difficult. Then as an adult, I began to learn languages and the stress before the ease became apparent,…it also made me realise that the stress is minimised through play …nothing matters as much as inner peace nd and art is another channel of communication. With peace and love
You are so right when you say ‘nothing matters as much as inner peace’
For many this is hard to find in today’s hectic world, one question I think we all should be asking ourselves at this moment in time ‘how much do we need, to live a happy and healthy life?
In 2001, art was one of my saving graces, and I haven’t looked back 🙂
Thank you for your post, Pratima.
Health and Happiness.
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
a calendar
of mountain top views
at the gift shop
*
adding to
the mounting list
of impeachable offenses
*
clear and present
the grounds
for impeachment
*
joining up
on the gym’s
boot camp special
*
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
uncredited images
in the gallery
of spirit photos
*
choosing the perfect
blank book
for his purposes
*
a new
blank book
for recording his dreams
*
lights on
before dawn
at the neighborhood bakery
*
smell of yeast
rising from the bakery
before dawn
*
laurie…lovin’ yours and your enthusiasm! they’re all keepers! keep them coming!
Boyhood memory –
Seventh grade math, breaking news
About Kennedy
dan, nice haiku/hokku!
.
the silver dollar link and math class…with moon
is genius…
aside from the fact that he started the space programs
.
i experienced this too, in school.
a real stand out memory for me, too,
i wrote a cherita (six-line poem) about it.
Thanks Wendy and Michael for the comments!
Dan
Wow what a deja vu. Sitting in Mr. Ralston’s math class 1963 Ervin Jr. High School KC MO
as the
boondoggle becomes
a conundrum
*********************
successive
sake bombs soften up
the perimeter
****************
morning prayers
abruptly
interrupted
Powerful work Michael.
boondoggle. new word for me. fun read
Thank You Robert
they are all amazing….the first is full of fun, playl and whimsy, the second, socks it to me….the last….eloquent, subtlety
here is my fav:
.
morning prayers
abruptly
interrupted
.
michael henry lee
Thank You Wendy
in theater
after failure in exam
first in row
i hear you speaking about ….(radhamani),
how life is/can be balancing waves….very spiritual…but at the same time….also questioning if this can really happen.
Dear Wendy,
Good observation.
yes, when two or three in same predicament, the preference / choice /for theater comes.
drinking
hard liquor
raises the spirits
…
is there
a spare dollar
in the farmer’s account?
…
Still suffering the trauma from the bushfire here in Cobargo. Every day I hear of another home or homes lost. Today a friend who has 5 children, most under 12 years, showed me photos of the beautiful 1890 home that’s now gone. I’m so grateful for my home and for the opportunity to compose verses as a distraction. Pauline xx
Nice to see you posting. Pauline. Sad to read of your friend’s loss of her beautiful home, that can be replaced, thank heaven they are there to do so.
.
is there
a dollar
in the farmer’s account?
.
That’s all it could take, a dollar, from everyone around the world to help put things back together again. Less than a cuppa.
beautiful
keep writing, pauline….it’s great therapy and it reassures me, that you are here.
I second Wendy. Sick at the loss of life and homes–but putting even the worst traumas into words really can help, somehow.
I see it on the news everyday and wonder why… hey there, a big hug
Hi, Pauline. Thank you for letting us know that you are okay. I’m so sorry about all the losses. I am sure you will be a great support to your friend. Take care.
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
.
downed jet
wax puddles fuse
the living dead
.
downed jet
wax puzzles fuse
the living dead
when
a jealous child
tumbles blocks
.
wendy c. bialek
.
topic of politics
knowing
not knowing
a pile of leaves
.
a stake
driven deep
in a mother’s heart
.
planted seeds
in an old mirror
two faces
.
coming of age
a young dog
turns its tail
on the topic of POLITICS:
.
fake news is not
a problem as long as
i don’t believe it
.
wendy c. bialek
summer day moon
almost there
.
Wendy C. Bialek
an indwelling
presence grounds me
in troubled times
.
two bags
of forgotten belongings
at the hall door
.
that long pull
of whiskey while
court’s in recess
– Betty Shropshie
I’m glad they sang
Liquor Store Lullaby
At my funeral
toll booth lane
abandoning the zen koan
behind a U-Haul truck
sheila, thinking …. patience has worn thin
sheila, i like your verse … just to be clear….this is my understanding of what i hear you saying….not a suggestion for rewrite.
gerrymandering
the deep state
for which it stands
– Betty Shropshire
A pinhole
Of light in the night –
Education
A pinhole
Of light defeats the night –
Books
yes, sometimes, no sometimes
Synonym
For the victor’s lies –
History
Annoying
My wife somehow makes
Me happy
🙂
can be understood two ways….depending on (where or if) the mind wants to break-up the lines……i like the ambiguity…here
whether or not intentional….dan
now here is a case, where linking can produce some interestingly split streams
what’s the matter?
two alter egos
in a bunch of grapes
police officers
pull over
a driverless car
or~
.
police officers
pull over
a self-driving car
maureen, you are on a roll…. very keen ( now or projected, futuristic ?) image….and, if be….who pays the ticket???
in addition to:
.
a polarized world
spinning out
of control
.
wendy c. bialek
oh…maureen, i like the top one better!
Ohhh wow- thanks so much, Wendy! For your kind words & insights. Happy writing!
The errors
which make
people die
Deadly mistakes
in times of crisis
plane shooting
Mass exodus
of all living beings
fire wall
tied to a post
with no forward address
a dog’s lead
very potent, robert
aww.
In times of crisis
disturbed communication
deadly mistakes
Trumpet notes
Ricochet from baobab trees –
Kenyan elephants
why is tech support
holding out for
more allowance?
– Betty Shropshire
presidential tweets
about the “Do Nothing
Democrats”
Thanks, John, for the list from Fukuda’s topics. That sparked my imagination!
I can see that! A nice set of possibilities. Thanks.
the smell of popcorn
in the movie theater
parking lot
the peace
in the weeks just before
the conquerors arrived
the promise
of a surgical
bombing
this item
on backorder
until further notice
mary, so true…so frustrating…there…but not, there.
like i’ve been trying to read the book, “introduction to world-linking”…
amazon shows it but it is unavailable.
THF has it listed….but is not downloadable.
anybody here have any better luck with this?
http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/link_shift.html
.
I’ve been reading this since the recommendation, it will take more than a few glances to understand the complexities of this exciting genre.
Hope this will be of help to you and others.
Can’t reach the page with this link, sorry, but I’m sure you’ll get there by doing a search.
thank you so much carol….this is going to be very helpful!
Thanks, Wendy.
Another little book you ‘might’ be interested in-
Monkey’s Raincoat-Matsuo Basho.
will look into finding the monkey one, too! thanks for sharing this book as well. carol.
If you read the words within the link provided, you will understand why reading the work of Matsuo Basho is an important step to understanding this genre. So please, with all due respect, don’t refer to his work to ‘the monkey one’
college seniors
sweating it out
during finals week
.
Maybe this one can’t be used, either, since we already have figurative heat in previous verses.
“first there is a mountain
then there is no mountain
then there is”
The first thing that came to mind, though I’m guessing we can’t use it because we’ve already had a song.
this is lovely
summer day moon
almost there
her sense of self
slowly fading
invisible ink
wow
terri!
first-class view
in and around
the avatar mountains
Well done, Wendy!
•
summer day moon
almost there
-Wendy C. Bialek
•
isn’t a slimmed down
monarchy best
given what’s at stake?
– Betty Shropshire
Or: ‘is’ instead of ‘isn’t’
Yes, Betty taking into consideration what happened to the boy’s mother.
.
Looking through the archives I read a verse by, Lorin Ford? Sorry can’t find the session, it went something like this-
.
the salesman’s
white smile
of a shark
.
The same could be said of the paparazzi and others.
.
My apologies if I’m wrong on both accounts, Lorin.
thank you, betty!
glad to see you back here!
more jobs
taken over by
artificial intelligence
Nice verse, Wendy—congratulations!
*
a black pen
to fill in
the absentee ballot
thank you, kristen
like this one!
kristen
old globe
not reflecting the world’s
latest divisions
*
Or
old globe
not reflecting
the latest divisions
*
two young pilchards
trying not to be packed
as sardines
pratima…very economically smart
fish….those pilchards…they are aware of their size!
maybe they can teach my chihuahua!
🙂
Hi Wendy, a real nice write. Enjoyed reading it.
thank you so much, pratima….
the president’s speech
in no
uncertain terms
or
***********
the president
prattled on in
no uncertain terms
summer day moon
almost there
.
Wendy C. Bialek
.
the racer passing
the ignoramus
closes out a finger
.
the ignoramus
waving a clenched five
on race day
.
the ignoramus
closes on a finger
on race day
.
the ignoramus
closIng oIta finger
on race day
Number four should read
.
the ignoramus
closIng out finger
on race day
rediscovery
of the starry night toad
after all this time
– Linda Weir
summer day moon
almost there
– Wendy C. Bialek
gluten free breadsticks
and vegan butter
just in case
– Liz Ann Winkler
nice one liz!
*
just a few
more revolutions
of the hula hoop
.
wendy c. bialek
pay day
banking on a windfall
to pay the rent
on the topic of ECONOMICS:
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
while inflation looms
he asks a quarter
for my thoughts
.
wendy c. bialek
the horseshoe player
chugs the rest
of his beer
U.S. denies
Iraq request
to withdraw troops
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
Sioux still standing
their ground
against Keystone
*
more troops
deployed to Iraq
amid anti-war protests
summer day moon
almost there
*
the coastguard intercepts
a boat overloaded
with refugees
right on! andrew
I met my wife
There long ago, thank you
El Salvador
Some sunflowers
Love life even when
They’re wilting
*****************
Advanced planets
Have more banjos than bombs
And bayonets
i like where your heart is coming from, dan!
.
i agree…we need a whole lot more of caring watering and mutual stroking!
.
here’s my spin…on your second one:
.
dueling banjos
for a tit-for-tat
world
‘
wendy c. bialek
just for fun:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsC4kf6x_Q0
Thanks Wendy, I appreciate the comment and enjoyed your version!
oh, what a sunflower poem Dan. What a pov
Greed, a weed
From sticky seeds that choke
Your soul
draft evaders
granted a pardon
from the president
Hahahaha, Maureen, on my phone screen I read the first line as Darth Vader!
Some great responses to your verse, Wendy—well done.
.
summer day moon
almost there
.
then, as if by magic,
Northern Ireland’s government
reappears
fortune teller
with cataracts
folds out my future
.
wendy c. bialek
.
just for fun:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxyXk1sr2io
Yes, please! Keep having fun!
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
.
hidden away
in the convenience store
her bulimia
cool one! robert
Thank you for your comment Wendy.
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
ABD
with a thesis
on world peace
*
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
ghost town built
in a phase of boom
and bust
*
the booming
ghost town
of Jerome, Arizona
*
the played out
mine town
of Orla, Texas
*
nice historical/scenic approach laurie.
i like your introduction to a new word link of “phase” in the first, one, the “ghost” and double o’s in boom.
i’ve been to jerome….(reminiscent of greenwich village in the ’60’s) but all the quaint, artsy shops are deeply, built into the sides of the cloepatra hill surrounded by mingus mountains. if you blink…you can easily pass it…must park car a distance away and walk through only.
Thanks for the comments, Wendy! I was intrigued by the marketing of Jerome as a ghost town–but one full of artists. That made it sort of “almost” in ways I hadn’t considered when the idea of ghost towns in general popped into my head.
And thanks for noticing the “boo” element–wasn’t sure if that was subtle or stupid, but I hoped it would just be sort of fun. It’s funny that you use the phrase “blink..and you can …pass it,” as I tried to work that into another offering for this verse but so far have failed to.
Unlike Heaven
Hell has harmonicas
Instead of harps
all’s well…
a few shards off a missile
in his hands
Or
all’s well…
missile shards
in his hands
My futile wish –
Peace Corps outnumbers
The Marine Corps
Candy is dandy
But liquor is a helluva
Quicker
My grandson
Will elope with a lovely
Swiss android
Only fog
And clouds can swallow
High mountains
**************
Only fog
Devours skyscrapers
And mountains
Misery –
A summary of
History
three day leave
becomes a life
on the run
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
.
inflatable day
baring all weight on
the stubborn nut
on a radio
the music is stopped
for breaking news
consomme soup
served in a
fine china bowl
revise
.
consommé served
in a fine
china bowl
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
.
banging a nail
deep enough
to burst
summer day moon
almost there
your draft notice
via text message
is a hoax!
your draft notice
via text message
is a hoax!
john,
what a way to begin the new year! i am very honoured to be included in this first renku. your explanations with both pros and cons…i found to be enlightening and i want to applaud your sensitivity, sensibilities and handling of the introduction of your choice. it feels so good to know that you picked up on all the ways i linked to the previous verse…..to be understood!!!! having read several times over about this neat little creature to find a way to capture its essence. …
i love learning to do renku and participation with the group…and i enjoy that you are sharing ….the delicate process of balancing that is employed in being the sabaki.
.
that you mentioned how tweaking can be done to any verse….even the hokku….i found quite telling. as it opens new windows. since a hokku never had to link with an above verse, there may be more wiggle room for rearrangements….besides…there are three “rooms” of ” furniture” to work with there.
Congratulations Wendy!
thank you p-k.
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
a ship
or a plane
to the Arctic Circle?
*
circling
one more time
before we land
*
Taking into account some of John’s topic suggestions (mountains, education, history, politics, nation names):
summer day moon
almost there
*
Wendy C. Bialek
*
about to summit
my first
fourteener
*
or
*
summiting
my first
fourteener
*
trading
my mortarboard
in for a tam
*
just a hop
skip and a jump
from fascism
*
yet another war
brewing
in the Middle East
*
‘Merica
baring
her too-white teeth
*
~Autumn
Congrat, Wendy! Happy for you that one of your verses has been placed. I really enjoy your offerings. I agree with Laurie’s insightful comments. Your verse offers many possibilities for the next one. I’ve always been fascinated with the day moon, and I’m glad to see one highlighted in this renku. Thank you for another thoughtful commentary, John.
Oops- typo. I meant “congrats” with an ‘s’ there. Typos are the bane of my existence. My absolute favorite is when I make one in a poetry submission to a journal. haha Anyway, take care & happy writing, Wendy!
maureen,
i am glad that you are pleased with this verse.
the day moon is so provocative….and is a fascination of mine, too.
.
(she is seductive, like how the Japanese feel it is more alluring to wear something sheer…than nothing at all!) though hardly there…the influence is startling, unexpected….but like a goddess, mysterious and ever present….presiding over my thoughts.
.
have fun exploring….with the opening here as the other possibilities get tight.
Hi, Wendy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Fascinating! The day moon as muse. Ohhh yes- the more challenging & fun it becomes.
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
traveling light
on her trip
around the world
*
one way
on a round-trip
ticket
*
buying a round
for the happy hour
regulars
*
summer day moon
almost there
.
Wendy C. Bialek
.
Chris, I’m wondering if it might be a good time for the return of your Sharpiegate verse? (obviously, without saying “moon” this time)
.
in total agreement here! ditto chris and lorin.
crossing over
between him and her
a bright red dress
Congratulations, Wendy. 🙂
.
thank you, lorin!
still a few more
shovels- full
as the hearse draws near
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
a croissant
and a latte
to go
*
nonchalant
as he waves his dreams
goodbye
*
the talk veers
from politics to superheroes
and back
*
five main numbers
and a bonus ball
on the lotto draw
Congratulations, Wendy–sometimes less is more!
*
summer day moon
almost there
*
Wendy C. Bialek
*
circling
a town
called Progress
*
~Autumn
yes, thank you for seeing this…autumn.
summer day moon
almost there
– Wendy
.
a 1908
Ford Model T
for sale on eBay
a soldier
salutes with his hand
and then looks up
summer day moon
almost there
– Wendy
.
Caesar’s famous words
before he crosses
the Rubicon
Interesting choice, John, and thanks for the explanation. It’s a wonderful verse though the mention of summer alone is much too close to the hokku’s autumn (with both being used as modifiers) for my liking 🙂
Yes. If we were writing for competition or publication, I would fix that, among other things. And I would have the choice of modifying either the hokku or the current verse. But, for my purposes in this session, it is enough to mention these things and keep playing.
thank you, polona for your words of praise and sharing your concerns.
Congratulations Wendy !
*********************
the placebo
begins weaving
its subtle effects
thanky, michael!
it’s the 3 blind studies
that we need
to watch out for
.
wendy c. bialek
or ” three identical strangers “
“three identical strangers”….. (mhl)
grow up
in different places….(wcb)
this placebo one, michael….is really growing on me….i see a day moon in the pill as it is worn down by salivar….a really good, creative image!
thank you Wendy
“saliva” not salivar……my bad!
job/profession:
*
buddha
sits for next
to nothing
odds on favourite
on the nod
with the outsider
Congratulations Wendy.
.
a piece of card
over the spot
where her foot poked through
.
a finger
through the hole
in her shoe
.
shoe shaped
the piece of card
holding his sock
thank you so much, robert k.
.
a hole
in her sock
for the 6th toe
.
wendy c. bialek
(just having fun, too)
Indeed Wendy!
Nicely done, Wendy, congratulations.
thank you carol j,!
.
have fun with it.
Congratulations, Wendy! I love the apparent simplicity and strong image–and the way the scene opens out to wider and more complicated things. Perfect link with the starry night toad.
**
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
*
that much closer
to the perfect candidate
with every debate
*
wielding sharp tongues
to whittle down
the roster of candidates
*
thanks, laurie for your commentary and thoughtful insight.
glad that you are finding many new ways to link.
enjoy playing with it!
using debate
to reel in heroes
by the lesser holes
.
wendy c. bialek
banging a nail
deep enough
to burst
Sorry ladies, this was meant for the top.
summer day moon
almost there
Wendy C. Bialek
.
hidden away
in the convenience store
her bulimia
really enjoying how the renku moves on
*****
on the loudspeaker
the announce of train
departing in five minutes
*****
the captain has switched on
the fasten seat belt sign
please return to your seat
*****
coffee
at the petrol station
tastes bitter
me, too….marina