The Renku Sessions: Tawny Jacket – Week 7
I am John Stevenson and I will be your guide for a twelve-verse renku, in which we will compose one verse per week until completion. A longer session, with a different leader, is being planned to follow this one.
This very busy holiday week featured one-hundred-sixty-three offers from thirty-five poets.
For those of you who observe a holiday at this time of year, I wish you a true celebration!
Once again, there were too many engaging offers for me even to list them all, let alone comment on each. As a compromise, I will comment upon a couple and list some others. If yours isn’t among those listed, you should presume that it’s on my next longer list:
they were found
in each other’s arms
Pauline O’Carolan
If we didn’t already have a verse from Pauline, this might have been my choice. I love the way it recasts the preceding verse. It suggests to me that the combined weight of that “hunk” and partner caused them to break through the ice and either drown or freeze to death. And, of course, that is far from the only way to read it, leaving plenty of room to take this somewhere else with our next, seventh verse.
you tarzan
me jane
Pratima Balabhadrapathruni
It took me a minute to note the inversion of expectations here. It is usually Tarzan who talks this way, not Jane. That, in turn, also makes me think of the previous verse in a different way, wondering whether the “hunk” ever thinks of himself in that way. Or would he perhaps be surprised, embarrassed, or something else to be so characterized.
And here are a few of the many other contenders, all worthy of comment:
his feeling theirs is
one for the record books
Laurie Greer
morning after pills
roll under the bed
Carol Jones
smooth talking
between satin sheets
Kristen Lindquist
a safe word before
black leather and handcuffs
Polona Oblak
for better or worse
the groom on crutches
Chris Patchel
candlelight’s warm glow
on our naked bodies
Liz Ann Winkler
limping in tune
to her told you so’s
Robert Kingston
Penelope turns down
another suitor
Polona Oblak
cross words dissolve
with his soft kiss
Mary White
pelvic thrusts at midnight
on the oriental rug
Marion Clarke
just when he thinks
he’s got her figured out
Laurie Greer
another viral
marriage proposal
Chris Patchel
Our sixth verse is:
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
Maureen Virchau
A pair of love verses can be among the easiest to link. The theme of love alone links them. In this case, we have a couple in each verse, and sex is definitely a factor. Our sixth verse recasts the idiom “burning love” into a different and somewhat more literal idiom. And it keeps the “wild” part of the renku party going. We will want to keep that kind of energy/intensity for another four verses, before we take a different tone with the final two.
For our seventh verse, these will be the requirements/considerations:
- a three-line verse
- without a season reference (our eighth verse will be a summer moon image)
- connecting in some way to the sixth verse and in no obvious way to any of the previous verses
- transforming our sense of the sixth verse
Our renku, so far:
Tawny Jacket
autumn leaves
she sets out in
her tawny jacket
Andrew Shimield
the still-warm hollow
where the deer slept
Kristen Lindquist
cigar smoke
lingers
in the empty room
Pauline O’Carolan
seraphim song
of a glass armonica
Autumn Noelle Hall
ice-skating
with my hunka hunka
burning love
Lorin Ford
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
Maureen Virchau
Please enter your verse offers in the comments box, below. I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Tuesday, December 31 (New York time zone). On Thursday, January 2, there will be a new posting containing my selection for our seventh verse, some discussion of other appreciated offers, and instructions for composing the eighth verse.
I look forward to seeing your offers!
John
This Post Has 245 Comments
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scraping
his chinos
for the blind man
.
two bucks
for the blind man
in his chinos
.
two bucks
for the busker
in his pocket
.
who’d have thought
a dime bar
could hold so much
.
two milk bottles
dangling
from his chino shorts
A HAPPY NEW YEAR
to everyone
🙂
that tequila shot
wasted on the hungover
horny cactus
wendy c. bialek
happy new year all!
.
egos inflated
at the new year
fire work display
used cups
overfill the trash can
by the coffee shop
infusing
prickly pear juice
with spearmint
.
wendy c. bialek
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE8dhMhJAYs
arms
of the clock
point to new tomorrows
.
wendy c. bialek
Happy New Year to all!
Happy New Year to All. 🙂
.
– Lorin
ice-skating
with my hunka hunka
burning love
.
Lorin Ford
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
.
the arrow
released from the bow
finds its mark
.
– Lorin
stars
silently stab
the night sky
.
wendy c. bialek
reworked:
*
the silent stab
of stars
in the night sky
.
wendy c. bialek
when did
stabbing become
a relgious act ?
.
wendy c. bialek
corrected:
*********
when did
stabbing become
a religious act ?
.
wendy c. bialek
he suggests
a cure
for renku fever
wendy c. bialek
kale, ginger root,
fruit juice, oat bran
blended
–
My green smoothie breakfast : )
kale, ginger root,
fruit juice, oat bran
smoothied
Or maybe:
–
kale, ginger,
fruit juice, bran
smoothied
peaks
off a mountain range
prick the night sky
– Beyy Shropshire
🤦♀️Betty
beautiful, betty!
scratching that
itch to colonize
from east to west
– Betty Shropshire
smart!
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
parallel parking
both tires
scrape the curb
.
before sending back
the glass with lipstick
he takes one more sip
.
during a long rain delay
the mascot slides
across home plate
.
alone…
but for the moth
dancing round the globe
alone…
except for the moth
dancing round the globe
ice-skating
with my hunka hunka
burning love
.
Lorin Ford
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
.
resolutions
to practise the yoga
of letting go
.
Lorin
.
(‘practise’ is the verb form, except for USA English, which uses the noun version, ‘practice’, as both noun & verb. I don’t mind which usage is used)
.
.
.
how they pile up
the consonants
in a queer alphabet
.
in fresh ink
a letter
intrinsically french
.
shoot’em up
the world needs more
idiot savants
.
a rat’s arithmetic
in the distance between us
this too is doggerel
.
through the bus window
the blear of skyscrapers
in the pouring rain
.
.
taking a deep breath
of crisp night air
she makes the decision
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
*
Maureen Virchau
*
why oh why
did I have to
swipe right?!
ref:
*
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Swipe right
*
~Autumn
close reading a turtle plastron
in defense against
the facts
two for one
at the department store
jumping beans
bogof
at the department store
jumping beans
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
.
wrapping the clover
in a wish
that “the fours be with you”
*
charming her with clover
and a wish
that “the fours be with you”
*
falling for the drama
of his clover and the wish
that “the fours be with you”
*
the baby
extends her toy
covered in drool
a Twitter post
about the impeachment
gone viral
🙂 Good one, Mary.
ditto, mary!
pour over coffee
savored as light spills
onto the canvas
– Betty Shropshire
or:
pour over coffee
as light spills
onto the canvas
signing up
for yet another
online romp
..
another lemming
jumps into
the online pool
pour over coffee
with poached eggs
in the wee hours
– Betty Shropshire
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
*
flashing blue lights
in the rear view mirror
on the mountain road
*
inshallah he mutters
hunched over
his scratchcard
somewhere in
the middle on a scale
of one through ten
had him in check
while nursing
my first son
.
wendy c. bialek
(sometimes a young mother chooses to multi-task!)
update:
.
my inspiration for this verse:
.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2016/07/06/moms-monkhood-top-female-monk-hacked-system/86741148/
*
walks in flip flops
abbessing
up the adirondacks
‘
wendy c. bialek
*
*
lifting the phone
her blood pressure
skyrockets
*
for sale on the net
a four leaf clover
for home delivery
Hi Barbara, you might want to have a 2nd look at the grammar of your first verse, above. The way you have it, it’s “her blood pressure” that’s lifting the phone. 🙂
.
his 13″
flirty-eyed smiling shirley
all fixed
.
wendy c. bialek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuNCsDoyNLg
some doll clinics specialized in repairing shirley temple dolls
and they were listed under: STD clinics
Wendy…this made me spit with laughter. Thanks for making my day!
have a great day,
paula…..let’s make a river in the next year!
Who would’ve thunk it?! This is absolutely fascinating, Wendy. Shirley Temple dolls? Talk about innocent vs not-so-innocent. You’re so good at researching and offering original verses. Thank you for sharing.
maureen, thank you for welcoming me here….and for reading my posts. this is a fun place to be and i am so glad i stumbled upon it, i love sharing with you and you-all. learning so much here in a fun friendly, intelligent and creative group.
i think i got a handle now on linking….this one perhaps, is my best attempt, so far, as a real shift…i feel i am making progress.
your feedback….lets me be aware of how warm i am to finding the hidden treasure. thank you for that, too!
intermittent cough
check for queen love
chessboard
Hi Radhamani
I was tinkering with the chess theme too.
.
bishop to knight six
the ivory monarch
rocks in her seat
Dear Robert Kingston,
” ivory monarch” and your liking( tinkering)
chess theme .. wonderful .
with regards
S.Radhamani
the one
knock out punch
she never see coming
.
a rogue shot
at the fair ground
a flotilla of ducks
.
bags full
of peelings
at the gin joint
.
the braggart
at the summer ball
melts in the corner
painstakingly shot
selfies from
Ida B. Wells Drive
– Betty Shropshire
good at making
an innocent face
everywhere
.
Carmen Sterba
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
13″
smiling shirley
all fixed
.
wendy c. bialek
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
*
Maureen Virchau
*
[x]
marks the spot
in his little black book
*
cashing in all
his frequent flyer
miles
*
for once
the player
gets played
*
just
a little
prick
*
(This last a reference to something phlebotomists often say, but with plenty of room for imaginative interpretation).
*
~Autumn
Oh, what the heck, maybe one more:
*
two-for-one
drafts
at the Silver Tongue Devil
*
[Note: The Silver Tongue Devil was the name of the obnoxious biker bar here in town known for its crap beverages, even worse karaoke and ungodly loud live bands that play waaaaaaaaay past the (rarely enforced) 10 p.m.”quiet hour.” We used to laughingly refer to it as “The STD,” before it was sold on to the current owner. The name’s been changed to The Blue Moose (goodness only knows why); but everything else has remained the same…unfortunately! After years of protesting to the town council and calling the police about the noise violations, we’ve thrown up our hands and turned up the air purifier for white noise instead.
*
~Autumn
Thank you for sharing, Autumn! I’ve never entertained the thought of STD standing for anything else beyond what I was referring to in my verse. Your story and Wendy’s verse certainly changed that. One of the many reasons why renku is so much fun! I’m sorry about the noise. I’m glad you found a way to deal with it.
Maureen, what a great verse, with so many linking/shifting possibilities!
…
were the 10 plagues of Egypt
a manifestation
of climate change?
…
does your future
really rest on
school exam results?
…
I waited at the stop
for the bus
that never came
…
in Hamelin
the Pied Piper
took the children last
Hi, Pauline! Glad to see you posting. Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m glad it offers a lot of possibilities. And congrats to you for your own highlighted verse! Very haunting and romantic and tragic. I’m looking forward to seeing how the renku river bends from here. Happy writing!
all natural
gluten free
potato chips
how to block
GPS signals
with tin foil
–
can tin foil
really thwart
GPS signals?
how to boost
your wifi signal
with tin foil
drum roll, please…
but I am pregnant!
(cymbal crash)
hands around her waist
after pocketing yet
another shot
he’s building a crib
without instructions on how
to satisfy her
oh, spaces don’t count on here
drum roll, please…
but I am pregnant!
(cymbal crash)
**
hands around her waist
after pocketing yet
another shot
**
he’s building a crib
without instruction on how
to satisfy her
lemon balm
sent from the
wellness witch’s kitchen
ah, no I don’t think ‘lemon balm’ in this context shows a season. It’s not the bush. Coming from ‘the wellness witch’ (which is probably a corporation these days) the leaves are probably dried or in powder or pill form.
.
But, as in all things, sabaki has last say.
.
Thank you, Lorin for your explanation on this, appreciated.
.
Yes, he certainly does, but it’s always good to have a helping hand from those who know about such things as well.
an envelope
shoved to the bottom
of her purse
**
heavy metal
blasts in the car
while it idles
**
slowly
he removes his wig
and eyelashes
unsullied vistas
before the tracks
wound across
– Betty
wishing on
a falling star might
put you in the morgue
*******************
breath mints
alone won’t
fix the problem
**************
a disillusion
between parties of
the first and second part
*******************
Vanna White
in black stockings and
blue latex gloves
***************
our odds on
favorite pulls up
lame in the 5th
baking day
no lift
to the penthouse
dialing home
for a lift out of here
tuppence and a pint
swabbing the must
& should-haves off floating
gauramie’s tank
.
wendy c. bialek
aluminum foil
or soda cans
to boost the signal?
electrical tape
to cover
Check Engine
duct tape
to cover
Check Engine
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
a sign that reads
please don’t bang
the door
.
wendy c. bialek
hahaha, LOVE this
me too–good one!
thanks laurie….glad it resonated with you too!
glad you’re getting a bang out of it, agnes.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
*
Maureen Vircha
*
hail Marys uttered
from the lips of the atheist
as the plane descends
dust and ashes
as I am
still can I speak
Inspired by St Augustine’s confessions.
I enjoy doing a search for your religious based verses, Marietta.
The last link you provided was Jesus with a sprig of Mullein when I mentioned, ‘hags taper’ such an interesting read.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
Maureen Virchau
the palm reader
buys the old crowd
a round of drinks
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
Maureen Virchau
a bookie
lays out tarot cards
for the next race
a pinch of rue
ritually stirred
into the potion
Or to avoid another ‘a’ beginning:
.
pinches of rue
ritually stirred
into the potion
take the plunge
despite signs reading
algal bloom
Venice Beach
littered with needles
after high tides
ice-skating
with my hunka hunka
burning love
.
Lorin Ford
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
Maureen Virchau
.
dost thou think
there shall be no more
cakes and ale?
.
William S.
Linking to my own verse just for fun.
.
spitballs ricochet
off a bus driver’s
bald head
five ball
in the corner pocket
his call shot
–
From the learn-something-new-everyday department: Only non-obvious shots need to be called.
“eight ball
in the corner pocket”
his call
–
eight ball
in the corner pocket
his call
It’s probably just me, Chris, but “balls” in “pockets” immediately following two ‘love’ verses . . . does not seem to apply only to a game of billiards played on a felt-lined table. 🙂
.
(“pocket billiards” has two meanings)
.
Hmm, that didn’t occur to me (and a search of ‘pocket billiards entendre’ didn’t turn up much) but it’s often hard to avoid sexual entendres ; )
–
Speaking of back links: two quotes, Shakespear and Elvis? ; )
‘Shakespeare’
Two quotes, Chris, yes. One from a song lyric and one from a play. So what? It all adds to the ‘bigger poem’ (the one that includes every verse by everyone) I certainly didn’t post it in expectation of it being selected.
all but spitting
as he calls him
Judas
silenced with a curt
“from your lips
to god’s ear”
*
his pale band
of skin
where the ring was
watching his son
he turns back into the boy
with the tadpoles
*
Or
watching his son
he”s again the boy
with the tadpoles
(imho) laurie….your idea is too good to toss into inner renku verse.
.
i would save it for new hokku or stand-alone haiku.
.
stands stronger as haiku: (or hokku)
.
i fiddled with it….hope this is allowable here….my big question is do you need “watching”?
it can be avoided….and assumed in many cases. the watcher is silent….it is understood that it is looked at by a seer.
old pond where
boy catches tadpoles (now)
my child surfaces
*now is optional
*hoping “old pond” implies it was a prior and now shared stomping ground
.
or
.
old pond where
dad found tadpoles
i bring my son
.
i bring my son
to the old pond where dad
found tadpoles
Wendy–
thanks for your response! I appreciate the reading and suggestions. Actually, I have been reworking this one (and others) as a real haiku–I have cut and uncut versions; I used the “watching” just to keep it smooth and avoid the cut, otherwise I’m usually wary of making explicit the implicit act of looking.
I see this could also work as:
taking his son
to the pond he turns back into
the boy with the tadpoles
(FYI the “real” haiku version currently is:
spring frog pond
he turns back into the boy
with the tadpoles)
cheers!
or:
taking his son to the pond
he turns back into the boy
with the tadpoles
Yes, good for a haiku. Not so good for this no-season renku verse because “tadpoles” (like “frogs”) is a seasonal reference to spring.
.
So many things to keep in mind! 🙂
Could the mention of green leaves, also, within a verse also bring into play the spring/summer kigo.
.
clover leaf- rue- and the lemon balm I have posted?
Good question, Carol. 🙂 To which I believe there’s no one answer. It’s sure to depend on who’s interpreting (ie, who the sabaki is) and which saijiki or the like they’re using.
I think it’s also logical that it’d depend on context, both within the one verse and in relation to its previous verse (that it links to).
.
“Green leaves of the stringybark” (or any other type of eucalypt, which are evergreen) would be ‘no season/ all seasons’ in itself. Brown leaves would indicate the tree had been burnt in a fire, even if it wasn’t burnt to ashes. “New green leaves” of most deciduous trees would indicate spring. Lemon balm is bare all winter and at its best and most fragrant where I am in summer.
.
I’d have to go and have a look at your verse you’ve mentioned here to give an opinion.
Pressed clover leaves as I used them earlier on this thread (or pressed flowers/ herbs from any season) would seem to me to indicate ‘all year/ no season’.
.
As always a lovely bit of information, Lorin.
As the leaves mentioned were picked then dried for a preparation, it did cross my mind if it was/wasn’t a kigo.
I think you’re right when you say it depends on the saijiki used and the sabaki.
Thanks, Lorin.
wearing his and hers
matching
Dr. Ruth t- shirts
those alleged rumours
could be the start
of a scary night
or
.
these tales
could be the start
of a brilliant night
calling names off
a sign-in sheet or pulled
numbered deli tabs ?
.
wendy c. bialek
*
orderlies
sharing dirty jokes
outside the incinerator
a stain
on the horse guards clock
marking the king’s death
or
a stain
on the horse guards clock
matks the king’s death
a stain
on the horse guards clock
long live the king
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=2ahUKEwi7yvmHzN_mAhVsQUEAHSvaDy8QFjAAegQIARAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FHorse_Guards_(building)&usg=AOvVaw1772wfE_wVrklkv0QOxJCL
early romance–
the throws of phlegm and cough
TB center
a fearful hug
trapped in lift
breathing silence
to pay
or not to pay
the cyber ransom
whether to pay
or not pay
the cyber ransom
*
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
*
Maureen Virchau
*
ebola outbreak
continues without
the media attention
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
*
Klimt’s masterpiece
suffused in
the enigmatic sacred
*
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
*
Maureen Virchau
*
after all this time
rediscovery of the
starry night toad
*
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2019/12/starry-night-toad-rediscovered-colombia-extinction/
Linda,
Can you rewrite this without the break? Starting a verse with a prepositional phrase (a frequently applied English-language haiku strategy) guarantees a break since you are giving us information about something before naming it.
.
The resolution could be as simple as moving line one to the end.
.
This note could be applied to many other offers but I’m mentioning it here because your verse does many good things and I’d like to be able to consider it further.
Hi John – I’m happy to update my verse. Here are two options as I wasn’t sure if lines starting with a preposition also created a break? As it is still before the subject but now on the same line as the subject? If not An issue, the I liked the second one below better. happy to have either considered.
*
rediscovery of the
starry night toad
after all this time
*
rediscovery
of the starry night toad
after all this time
Great link, Linda, although it says it is named because of its habitat, it looks like a starry night itself.
Fascinating, Linda! Thank you for the link.
Yes, it does get confusing: when is a slight pause a break and when is a break a cut? And we have line breaks though the Japanese don’t but line breaks don’t count as breaks, let alone as cuts.
.
Credit to John , though, for stating clearly what works for him.
.
For what it’s worth, of your revised versions I prefer:
.
rediscovery
of the starry night toad
after all this time
.
Thank you, John and Maureen.
.
*
three mediums
share their charms
at the psychic fair
have i become
the swellfish
inside my belly ?
wendy c. bialek
Hi, Wendy. I find this so haunting. Very dream-like. It actually brings to mind the Taoist butterfly dream parable.
maureen so glad this has had that kind of “awakening” on you. thank you for sharing this with me.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
checking
all the right boxes
on the Medicaid forms
*
~Autumn
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
–
Maureen Virchau
***
listening for the phone
in the spaces
of the day
–
nancy liddle
must I learn
how to use
a password manager
–
yet again
I’ve forgotten
the master password
vertigo-inducing
Sphinx Observatory
photoshoots
– Betty Shropshire
.
a kiss for good luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
as advised
he shuts up
and deals
*
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
betting the farm
that the odds
are in his favor
*
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
given half a chance
he’d do it all
differently
nights on my Ham radio
all those one way transmissions
to Venus
According to Wikipedia, the shift to “flip flops” began in the 60s for British and American speakers.
Your image is quite humorous! 😊 Betty
Ooops, this is a response to Lorin’s post farther down. ☺️
🙂 Interesting, Betty. Fun with English! 🙂 So what used to be a thong is now a flip-flop and what used to be a G-string is now a thong. Except in Australia, to date and in New Zealand, where they sometimes also call them “jandals”. (I don’t know why)
.
“The only permanent thing is change itself.”
.
(. . . or something to that effect, from Heraclitus, way back, who was Greek, and probably removed his sandals before stepping into rivers.)
why do yon cairns
lie riddled
with bullets?
– Betty Shropshire
how many
shooters were
taking pot shots?
– Betty Shropshire
.
his fingers find
deep in a pocket
a sea-worn stone
.
Ohhhh wow- what a wonderful surprise! Lots of great contenders. I find the love verses so challenging and fun to write. I’m sorry I couldn’t post earlier. It’s been busy-busy-busy with family in town for the holidays.
.
Yes, I was definitely taking a walk on the wild side with my verse, exposing the underbelly as they say. I’m so glad it works in shaking things up in the ‘ha’ section, and I’m looking forward to seeing where things can go from here.
.
Thank you, John, for all your time and consideration. And thank you to all my renku friends for such kind words and thoughtful commentary. Thank you, thank you. I hope everyone is happy & healthy & enjoying the holiday season!
Great verse Maureen – congratulations!
Thank you for your kind words, princess k! Happy writing!
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
gagging
as the pu’er
works its magic
*
another
echinacea
does the trick
*
no magic bullet
for a superbug
infection
*
praying
the anti-vaxxers
see reason
*
sull aria plays out
a paper aeroplane
unfolds in his hands
Or
sull aria plays out
a paper aeroplane
caught in a pine
a carousel’s spin
again proves only
Russian roulette
could the last one
out kindly shut
the door?
Hmmm…may link back to the empty room in verse 3 as well as the STD clinic. Both potential ‘empty rooms’. Oh well…
they exchange
rueful smiles
with a plastic daisy
I exchange
a rueful smile
with the plastic daisy
This lingers with me, Marietta. I love the fact that you’ve chosen a daisy as I associate it with childhood, innocence and happiness. It just wouldn’t have the same impact with a rose.
congratulations Maureen and Happy New Year One and All
*********************
what happened
in Vegas has found
us out here
****************
looking for that
first opportunity
to return the favor
*****************
finger pointing
followed by lude
accusations
Thank you, Michael Henry. Glad you’re always here contributing creative verses. Thank you for your well wishes, and I wish you the same. Happy writing!
drinks all round
to celebrate the arrival
of our new receptionist
after the verdict
emoticons from
facebook friends
Congrats, Maureen!
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
.
Marconi’s man
transmits the first message
from an Irish island
.
Too close with “transmits?”
.
Marconi’s man
sends the first radio signal
from an Irish island
Thank you very much, Marion! It was a great holiday surprise. Wishing you a happy day.
only the gravity
of their location
keeps them together
hard pressed
to find something new
to talk about
ice-skating
with my hunka hunka
burning love
.
Lorin Ford
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
.
four-leaf clovers
pressed between the pages
of Revelations
.
or perhaps:
.
four-leaf clovers
found between the pages
of Revelations
.
… or without the def. art.
.
four-leaf clovers
found pressed between pages
of Revelations
.
Hi, Lorin!
*
I really like your use of the word “pressed” in your first iteration of this verse. The double meaning of the literally squashed clovers coupled with the connotation of feeling pressured really works here. I think it’s stronger without the addition of “found, ” as it leaves the emphasis on the verb form “to press” (which could also lend the idea of the couple’s tension between the intercom pages, “Next!”)
*
four-leaf clovers
pressed between pages
of Revelations
*
“Revelations” is also a genius double-play, as one is definitely waiting for the big reveal at the STD clinic! Let’s hope it’s slightly less of an Armageddon for our skater and hunka hunka…
*
So original!
*
~Autumn
*
P.S. Do they use the phrase “whale tail” for the underwear version of thongs Down Under? (It’s meant to portray the waistband of the garment-in-question breaching the waistband of one’s bluejeans). When my daughters first introduced me to that phrase, the visual cracked me up (all pardons to the poor whales, who are already suffering enough at our hands).
Thanks, Autumn . . . yes, I agree that just “pressed”, as in the first version, is the best. Just can’t help second guessing myself. 🙂 I actually do have some four leaf clovers from many decades ago pressed in a book. Thanks for liking ‘Revelations’.
.
To your query, um, 🙂 no we don’t have “whale tail”, which seems elegant compared to the Australian version, which is “bum floss”. (“bum” being, not a vagrant or the like as in the USA, but that part of the body the French call the derrière.)
.
Congratulations Maureen
.
a kiss for good luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
.
tic tac man’s
gloved hands showing
the odds
.
Thanks so much, Mary. Glad to see you here. Wishing you a happy day of writing!
okay–I see the reason for dots if one wants a line space.
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Vichau
.
coastal warning:
Beware
Sneaker Waves
Congrats, Maureen–
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
Maureen Virchau
exchanging a gift
for a hobby horse with
polka dots and lace
what to make of a hobby horse:
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IKKOeKhSDg
.
and
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KissGTSlKy4
wow! Thank you for these!
enjoy! patricia.
Thank you, Patricia. Glad you’re here. Happy writing!
Audacious, Maureen!
•
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
– Maureen Virchau
•
free range chickens
pecking and
clucking
– Betty Shropshire
Thanks so much, Betty. That is a fantastic word. I don’t even know where that verse came from! haha I was just trying really hard to write something radical. Glad to always see you at the renku parties. Happy writing!
Well, it’s that stream of conciousness writing first thing in the morning where most of my offerings erupt. Mostly too HA for even the HA sections but I blame it on the meds! 😉 Recovering from surgery and facing future radiation treatments so this current renku party is an ever so welcome respite. Good to see you and other familiar faces as well as those I’ve not seen before! Best regards, Betty
Hi, Betty! Ohhh yes- the stream of consciousness thing. I know what you mean. The HA section is so much fun. I’m very sorry to hear that you are suffering. I wish you a full recovery. So glad to hear that the renku helps. Kick up your feet & keep on writing those oh-so-creative verses. I still remember your “his better half” verse from an earlier renku session. Powerful! Take care of yourself.
Thanks, Maureen.
I first met you at renku and always love what you write for the (often quirky) originality, Betty. Glad you’re here and best wishes for your return to good health and taking pictures in the desert.
—Marietta
Marietta…I’m glad we became friends! Been awhile since I’ve posted desert pics but am hoping to do so again. I pray your beloved country survives those terrible fires…incredibly tragic what’s happening there. I love seeing and reading your verses, too…am always delighted by where they take me! Best regards, Betty
i am a strong believer
that the best medicine
is “mendku”!
Betty, by healing your soul you are proactively helping with the total recovery….keep it streaming.
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
.
.
the pub
around the corner
still pulling
.
Alan Summers
.
.
Oh gosh, Alan, just thought of it :/
Ah, yes, excessive alcohol and not thinking on both sides.
.
In Bristol, the STD clinic was almost right next to a pub, by the central bus station! 🙂
There’s a lot in so few words. A moon verse next so there’s also that element of gravity
in the last line.
.
The council arn’t usually that thoughtful when it comes to town planning 🙂
.
Blwyddyn Newydd Hapus, to you and Karen 🙂
Congrats, Maureen!
.
blasting off
after a pretend wave
back at Earth
Thank you, Marietta! I find the love verses especially challenging so I’m grateful that it was placed. Happy writing!
Congratulations, Maureen. Ah, yes, an aspect of the ‘love’ verse not so common in Basho’s time. . . at least the AIDS virus didn’t seem to appear until the 1980s.
.
Thank you very much, Lorin. I’ve been listening to Elvis since you posted your verse btw! Yes, my verse brings up an unfortunate reality of the times. Thanks for sharing your knowledge of Basho and renku and all the rest. Wishing you a happy day!
meticulously
cleaning smart phone
after sexting
*
wendy c. bialek
This is really funny, Wendy–and so current, too!! I especially like the adverb, “meticulously,” for the fastidiousness it conveys. I can just picture the look that goes with the action, too -.-
*
The word “swabbing” just fell out of my rag-and-bone-shop bag (it’s an old velvet Crown Royal pouch that used to belong to my father). It’s yours, if you’d like. Might add just the “clinical” touch here!
*
~Autumn
glad you had fun with this one, autumn, thanks for your comments. and ….i agree…yes, swabbing is a great choice, it is more clinical , sets a longer suspense time and gives the added emphasis on the “s” sounds. i had considered it…along with disinfecting, and swiping but decided to leave more space,
.
i do believe there is enough here for a clear link to the STD clinic….and “cleaning” encompasses any techniques and tools to accomplish this task and allows the reader to imagine the way they would like to approach the job.
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
tests inconclusive
they tell her
it’s all in her head
*
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
out with the old
in with the new
ipad case
*
wendy c. bialek
reworked:
*
out with the old
& on with the new
ipad case
.
wendy c. bialek
Congratulations, Maureen–way to risk being “contro-verse-ial” with a somewhat edgy topic! Really curious to see where this takes us…
*
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
*
Maureen Virchau
*
fingers crossed
as she pees
on the stick
*
~Autumn
last night we saw ” four christmasses” with vince vaughn and there
was an unusual part about retrieving a pee stick from children thinking it was a magic marker. autumn or anyone,,,did you catch that?
Thanks so much, Autumn! I’m so glad you’ve joined the renku party. I always enjoy your commentary. Oh yes- I was definitely trying to push the ol’ envelope. haha I hope you’re enjoying your new puppy. I loved your hound dog verse. We have a rescue beagle. Unconditional love indeed. Take care, and happy writing!
Thank you so much, Maureen! How sweet that you adopted a rescue beagle! I bet you get plenty of ooOOOOoooOOOOOoooo from that little hound! 😀 I would not have thought to intentionally look for a vision-impaired (or blind, which Holly appeared to be initially) puppy. But now that we have her, I would seek one out in the future for sure. I can barely tell the difference between her and the sighted Aussie we had previously, she’s so clever. Only when she’s running a straight line (such as a hallway) do I notice that she tips her head slightly to one side–the better to listen to where she’s going. She is sweetness and mischievousness all rolled up in one pretty little powder-puff package, and we love her to pieces already.
*
Give your poochel a pat for me!
*
~Autumn
Awwww- thank you, Autumn. Yes, there’s nothing quite like the howl of a beagle. haha Glad your Holly is adjusting well in her new Home Sweet Home. A hug & a treat for your bundle of “sweetness & mischievousness” over there. Take care!
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
walks in flip flops
abbessing
up the adirondacks
‘
wendy c. bialek
🙂
.
“flip flops” – USA and Canada
=
“thongs” – Australia
.
These things:
.
It took the late Gene Murtha to explain to me why thongs for the summer footwear just wouldn’t work as I intended in American English!
Hi, Lorin…I, too, knew flipflops as thongs growing up in the panhandle of Texas in the ’50’s. Still have to remember the “correct venacular” to use now that a type of underwear usurped the term. 😉 Betty
Now that’s interesting, Betty. Thanks. 🙂 So it was thongs for the feet first in the USA, too. Then suddenly (in the 60s, maybe 70s or 80s? ) someone (who frequented strip joints?) came up with “flip flops” (which to me suggests an image of an amply proportioned woman jogging without a bra. )
my thinking….being that monks can wear flip flops year round….perhaps this is not a summer kigo for them.
John what is the official word on this?
.
yes…thong is also slinky underwear…often with one trap separating the buttocks.
.
hobby horse is a toy. having the head of a horse which is housed on a short pole stick..often made of wood….but today may be made of plastic.
the child places the pole between the legs…pretending to be riding it. it keeps the legs closed tightly together while in play! (thereby in some people’s mind, rendering it safe to play with)
strap…not trap
“. . . my thinking….being that monks can wear flip flops year round… perhaps this is not a summer kigo for them.” – Wendy
.
You’re probably right about that, Wendy. To me, thongs are something I’m in the habit of associating with summer, but there will be some people who wear them the year around, especially, perhaps, those in tropical regions such as Pacific Islanders. I know that Franciscon monks wear sandals. Also, the traditional Japanese wooden footwear has a thong that goes between the toes just like “flip flops” do. (and yes I am using the word ‘thong’ correctly in that last sentence. 🙂 It pre-dates the current “bum floss” definition of thong by centuries. )
.
Now I’ve looked up Higginson’s ‘Haiku World”, and for what it’s worth, he has all footwear under ‘Humanity : All Year’.
.
thanks again lorin….you are a great, reliable help…i actually own that book….i was looking up flip-flops in the back….didn’t find it….but didn’t think of footwear.
thanks for all your stimulating input. i am following your words here.
full moon
and her mensis instead
of the pregnance
an excellent choice among many worthy contenders!
.
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
-Maureen
.
how many species
will become extinct
in the next twelve months?
Hi, Polona! Thank you very much. Happy reading & writing!
in the shade
an upturned beer glass
holds a wasp
results day
beads of sweat
at his temple
results day
a trail of beads
at his temple
wow….so genius….maureen! and john so interesting a pick!
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
*
updating texts
sent to every
close contact
.
wendy c. bialek
Hi, Wendy! Ohhhh wow- thank you for your very kind words. Glad you’re part of the renku party. Happy writing!
ditto! maureen…
paying
the rest of his life
for the clean bill of health
*
barely time
for a capsule summary
of his symptoms
*
watching another vile
fill with blood he thinks
third time’s a charm
*
praying
the anti-vaxxers
come to their senses
*
despite the positive
her sunny disposition
never falters
(or is the “sunny” a seasonal kigo?)
I don’t think “sunny” would be deemed a seasonal reference, Laurie, even if it wasn’t being used metaphorically, as you use it here. We can have sunny days/mornings/ afternoons in every season, so I’d be surprised if “sunny” was on anyone’s list of season words/ phrases.
.
I don’t know for sure, of course. I recall contesting someone’s use of “pony” as a kigo/ seasonal reference. To my knowledge, a pony is a horse measuring less than a certain height at the withers. We have Shetland Ponies , Timor Ponies and other breeds of small horses. However, my friend pointed out that I was a novice and according to two renku experts, “pony” was a kigo.
.
Sure enough, the first entry under Spring- Animals in ‘500 Essential Season Words’ was and is:
“colt, pony (wakagoma, late spring). ”
http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html#SPRING–ANIMALS
.
I’m pretty sure there’s a translation error there, though. Someone has got “very small horse” mixed up with “very young horse” / “horse child.”
Thanks for all that, Lorin! I love getting the Renku lore–
a kiss for luck
at the STD clinic
.
Maureen Virchau
.
desert heat
a lizard hot foots it
across the court yard
Congrats Maureen.
Thanks John.
Thanks so much, Robert.
Verse 1-
.
one more
roll of the dice
before leaving the club
on more spin
of the wheel
before leaving the casino
Congratulations, Maureen a punchy verse, a frightening issue in todays openly promiscuous society.
.
Thank you for placing my verse in the line-up, John, you’ve made an old girl very happy 🙂
Thank you so much, Carol! I sincerely appreciate it. “Punchy” is certainly a good word for it. I’m sorry I haven’t replied sooner. I haven’t had time to think straight. I’m glad you’re part of the renku party. Your enthusiasm and support mean a lot. Happy writing!
Thank you, Maureen.
.
Its a party that is so easy to get addicted to 🙂
Addicting is theeeee word, Carol! I’m working on some free verse poetry over here, but I find myself taking breaks to write renku verses instead. haha Anyway, take care.
All the very best with your free verse poetry, Maureen.
Have an inspirational New Year 🙂