The Renku Sessions: Tan-Renga Week 8
Hello, everyone. We will be focusing on tan-renga for the remainder of the year. While I’m not certain how deeply rooted in its history this may be, I’m going to urge you to think of tan-renga in two ways. One way is to think of it as the shortest of all renga/renku forms. This would encourage variety in the linking styles and perhaps some great leaps. The other way is to think of it as collaborative waka/tanka, which might support closer linking, bordering upon narrative.
We had 92 capping offers for Jonathan Alderfer’s opening verse, from 27 poets, along with a great sampling of capping offers for runners-up.
Here is my “short list”:
walking together
the long way home
Richard Straw
along the golden path
a mingling of shadows
John Hawkhead
two gold bands worn
to the width of one
Laurie Greer
to think we almost
didn’t meet
madeleine kavanagh
soon we’ll be viewing
the first stars
Lorin Ford
footsteps in moss
fading behind us
John Hawkhead
the shhh
of leaves
Sarah Metzler
on the garden bench
a cat licks its paws
Carol Jones
opening my eyes to silence
the blue sky blurs
Sushama Kapur
a wood thrush song
now two
Peter Mauk
Jonathan Alderfer’s opening verse might suggest a variety of emotional states. Do we assume that the speaker is addressing someone who is physically present or someone only present in imagination or memory? What season do we imagine? What age do we imagine for the speaker? For the person addressed? Do we imagine this taking place out of doors or at a window? The way we answer these and other questions will inform how we go about offering a capping verse.
Here is my list of “finalists,” presented with Jonathan Alderfer’s opening verse and some comments:
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
walking together
the long way home
Richard Straw
This capping verse preserves most of the questions posed by the opening. It can be taken literally or figuratively. Can be imagined in most seasons other, perhaps, than winter. Can apply to people of various ages, etc.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
two gold bands worn
to the width of one
Laurie Greer
This perhaps suggests the physical presence of two people (though not with certainty). Our attention is drawn back from the fingertips of treetops to actual hands. The fact that the wearer’s rings are so worn suggests a long relationship and this, in turn, projects autumn into the trees. The quality of the rings – two that are like one – may be taken as a comment upon the relationship.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
footsteps in moss
fading behind us
John Hawkhead
Again, this suggests two people are present without making it a certainty. What it also suggests, to me at least, is the lightness of being. We could not walk more quietly than on a bed of moss. Our footsteps leave but a brief indication of our presence. This reflects upon the touch of a hand, also light and achingly ephemeral – meaning nothing, meaning everything.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
the shhh
of leaves
Sarah Metzler
By now you may be aware of how much I enjoy a minimal verse when it manages to achieve deep resonance. I relate “shhh” to the touch of a hand – whether literal or imagined. And with that, the entire scene seems unified and articulate.
Here is the tan-renga that we will be adding to the archive this time:
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
footsteps in moss
fading behind us
John Hawkhead
THIS WEEK
Please make up to five offers for a new opening verse.
Enter your offers in the comments section, below, before midnight (Eastern US time) on Monday, November 28th. On Thursday, December 1st, I will select a new opening verse and comment on the process.
Thank you, all, once again,
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
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Congratulations John H! And thanks John S, for leading us on!
Non-working sections
of Christmas lights
stuffed into bushes.
1 coffee flavour
for your tasteless tongue
enticing still
2) vacating old house
grandfather’s photo
a pendulum
3) her stroke of brush
still hard imitation
fritter of leaf
4) his head
On the stone
light relief now
5) lullaby
sonorous
for the unborn too
first frost
steam on the manure pile
rises in morning light
beyond the rocks
sky
raven’s call
5.
all colors
it is beautiful
like a rainbow
4.
old man
walking on Christmas Eve
in the sound of silence
3.
snowflake
increase happiness
Christmas event
the leaves turn
a golden rose…
when did this happen?
…
a long drought…
the beauty
of fall revealed.
…
dandelion stars
whisk by
on a mission
…
the weather turns …
rummaging for
my coat
…
the older we are
the more magical
Christmas
movie house gone dark…
a smell of popcorn
in the shadows
*
give-away Tupperware–
the leftover stains
of a lifetime
**
maybe better without the “a”–
movie house gone dark…
smell of popcorn
in the shadows
*
Thanks
morning frost
a dab of witch-hazel
on shaven cheeks
digital clock
what else
has changed
leaves shudder
at the first gust
autumn wind
grey morning
except for the poppies
in our lapels
evening news
blood-red streaks
across the sky
2.
then
spring opens the way
to nirvana
Congratulations John H on a lovely capping verse!
Thank you John S for guiding us!
My five offers:
skyscraper
in the new home
an empty nest
***
life size art
i pack and unpack
my house
***
mountain climb
the morning larks
sing mother’s name
***
storytime –
tempering the dish
in the same sequence
***
late autumn
a Chinar leaf flames
into the earth
winter’s edge
death of the thespian
like any other
thanksgiving dinner
charged with illegal use of hands
at the salad station
1.
change color
on the shivering earth
keep balance
south wind, yellow dawn . . .
the forest’s fragrance
enters my mouth
.
life is complicated. . .
roadside asters
covered with dust
.
counted cross stitch…
embroidering
her life list
*
black hole
no light escapes
the hoarder’s window
**
Congratulations to Jonathan Alderfer
and John Hawkshead on their fine tan-renga. And thanks to John Stevenson for including one of my capping verses for comment. The writing forums provided through The Haiku Foundation are inspirational.
For the next round, here are five more as the year winds down.
+++
late autumn
the conversation wanes
among the birds
*
autumn sun
on a south-facing porch
the year-round birds
*
autumn wind
oak leaves transformed
into trespassers
*
the world’s weight
so light the flight
of a leaf
*
autumn evening
an old man at home
burdened by words
I apologize for the typo (i.e., an unneeded paragraph return in my first sentence). I neglected to proofread thoroughly.
Congratulations John H for a wonderful and evocative capping verse…it flows beautifully with Jonathan’s opening verse. Congratulations to the finalists and short list poets. Thank-you John for considering my poem and for your invaluable insights.
night trawler . . .
I hear my dog breathing
in the dark
.
goodwill donation
we share a tapestry
of scars
.
winter flies
in my heart
a desert
.
Congratulations, John H–the moss is perfect for that lingering touch.
And thanks, John S., for the illuminating comments and for selecting one of mine as a finalist.
**
family Thanksgiving
so much left
unfinished
*
John S., thank you for your thoughtful commentary and for focusing on tan-renga! Jonathan A., I enjoyed thinking about your opening verse and attempting to cap it. John H., when I read your capping verse, I thought…that’s a winner!
lost
in the landscape
I find myself
possibilities
taking form
on a potter’s wheel
spirits
still sweep
this Normandy beach
school reunion
past scars
I thought were fading
snow melt
we discover
where he fell
Here are a few for consideration, John.
marion
edge of winter…
the warm glow
of your Tiffany lamp
clear skies
the first breath
of winter
stepping out . . .
I go back indoors
for a hat
crisp leaves
this desire to run
and jump
forest walk
the distant sound
of a river
Well done, John and this very tactile capping verse. And thanks, John for your insightful comments as always.
marion
black friday
a steal of a deal on
canned- cranberry
the radio sound
running through
her veins
please
auto correct me
if i’m wrong
Congratulations, John H. With your verse, I can almost feel that moss as I walk barefoot over it. (a memory from childhood) . Lovely!
Day of the Dead
drinking alone
for the most part
Thanks John S., always enlightening to read your comments and a tip of the “cap” to John H.!
Thank you Carol, thanks John S and thanks to Jonathan for such a fine opening verse!
The wrong milk!
Our yard cat turns away
flicking his tail.
The streets are full.
Cold quickens among the lights
of Christmas coming.
Snow falling.
The temperature stil falling
but nothing settled.
heating low
in the winter refuge
a joker warms up
Congratulations, John H, a lovely delicate image.
Thank you, John S, for pausing on one of mine.