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The Renku Sessions: Tan-Renga Week 7

renku_300

Hello, everyone. We will be focusing on tan-renga for the remainder of the year. While I’m not certain how deeply rooted in its history this may be, I’m going to urge you to think of tan-renga in two ways. One way is to think of it as the shortest of all renga/renku forms. This would encourage variety in the linking styles and perhaps some great leaps. The other way is to think of it as collaborative waka/tanka, which might support closer linking, bordering upon narrative.

 

New opening verses, 86 of them, came from 25 poets this week.

 

Here is my initial “short list”:

 

startled from a dream
where she still walks beside me
jasmine in the air

John Hawkhead

 

 

 

spellbound. . .
she tells him of luscious
red apples

Carol Jones

 

 

 

the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too

Liz Ann Winkler

 

 

 

the déjà vu
of my new neighbour’s
waterbed

Lorin Ford

 

 

 

broken locket
her secret love
slips out

Tracy Davidson

 

 

 

remember how
we hovered, glided
and sometimes soared

Dan Campbell

 

 

 

love is a macdonald’s coffee
five creams…
a chocolate chip cookie

madeleine kavanagh

 

 

 

standard time…
always each other
to fall back on

Laurie Greer

 

 

 

a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops

Jonathan Alderfer

 

 

 

fairy tale romance
the touch of her lips
brings him to life

Carol Jones

 

 

 

Here is my list of “finalists,” with some comments:

 

 

 

startled from a dream
where she still walks beside me
jasmine in the air

John Hawkhead

The sometimes-porous line between dreaming and waking is a prominent feature of this verse. The scent of jasmine, while a feature of the waking world, can easily be taken as a message from the land of dreams. This is a 5-7-5 opening verse. If we were to link with it in the same style our capping verses would be 7-7.

 

 

 

the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too

Liz Ann Winkler

As a love verse, this is suggestive but not conclusive. A capping verse might take on the task of “sealing the deal.”

 

 

 

broken locket
her secret love
slips out

Tracy Davidson

Linking to this verse, which is kind of a cliff-hanger, should probably be strongly narrative. We need to know what happens next.

 

 

 

standard time…
always each other
to fall back on

Laurie Greer

It seems as if the capping verse almost must employ some version of “spring forward.”

 

 

 

a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops

Jonathan Alderfer

A strong, yet open and indefinite mood is established in this verse. Should we cap it with an extension of these qualities or with a contrast of some sort

 

 

 

 

Here is the verse we will be capping this week:

 

a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops

Jonathan Alderfer

 

 

 

THIS WEEK

Please offer up to five two-line capping verses for Jonathan Alderfer’s opening verse. As in the past, you may also offer capping verses for the other finalists, knowing that the selection of work for the Haiku Foundation archives will be made from among capping verses for the Jonathan Alderfer verse.

 

Enter your offers in the comments section, below, before midnight (Eastern US time) on Monday, November 21st. On Thursday, November 24th, I will select a capping verse and comment on the process.

 

Thank you, all, once again,
John

 

 

The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct

This Post Has 68 Comments

  1. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer

    a wood thrush song
    now two

  2. broken locket
    her secret love
    slips out

    Tracy Davidson

    silver-headed couple
    under the moonlight

    1. the lift
      of morning fog
      takes me, too

      Liz Ann Winkler

      *revision

      shrimp for two
      along the wharf

  3. the lift
    of morning fog
    takes me, too

    Liz Ann Winkler

    first date…shrimp
    in two paper cups
    at the wharf

  4. the lift
    of morning fog
    takes me, too

    Liz Ann Winkler

    the painting he gifts me
    says it all

    ***

    startled from a dream
    where she still walks beside me
    jasmine in the air

    John Hawkhead

    smell of burnt metal
    in the vendor’s cry

    ***

    broken locket
    her secret love
    slips out

    Tracy Davidson

    his cryptic phone call
    to her best friend

    ***
    standard time…
    always each other
    to fall back on

    Laurie Greer

    both spring forward
    to bake the cake

    ***

  5. Congratulations Jonathan! Thank you John!

    a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    the ripened cherries
    come away again

    ***

    the coming season’s rains
    takes us within

    ***

    the silver vessels
    still retain their shine

    ***

    reaping gold
    i still look for more

    ***

    the browning leaves
    still hold on

  6. Congratulations, Jonathan! A beautiful verse.
    .
    a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer
    .
    .
    over our house boat
    swaying on the lake
    .
    opening my eyes to silence
    the blue sky blurs
    .
    … how quickly
    we can become islands
    .
    from up high a circling heron’s
    perfect swoop
    .
    and the breeze undulating
    picks up pace
    .

  7. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    storm clouds
    spoil our horizon

    *
    granite marker
    chills your fingertips

    *
    a short pause before
    yes

    *
    I study your face
    as if for the last time

    *
    sparrow song carried
    on a whispered breeze

  8. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    your naked limbs
    full of oranges

    blush on the breasts
    of bluebirds

    what care have i
    for shadows

    only the parting
    of your lips

    the shhh
    of leaves

    Sarah E. Metzler

  9. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    footsteps in moss
    fading behind us

  10. startled from a dream
    where she still walks beside me
    jasmine in the air

    John Hawkhead

    your promise to
    watch over me

  11. broken locket
    her secret love
    slips out

    Tracy Davidson

    never thought in a million years
    you’d fall for me

  12. the lift
    of morning fog
    takes me, too

    Liz Ann Winkler

    we stayed for hours
    at the outdoor cafe

  13. standard time…
    always each other
    to fall back on

    Laurie Greer

    looking forward to
    spring time with you

  14. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
    .
    but you’ve been gone
    these past nine years

  15. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
    .
    “blue sharks!” you whisper
    “it’s Kaneko Tohta’s sharks!”

  16. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
    .
    unfortunately
    a flock of roosting mynas

  17. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    asking where we go
    after the fairy tale ending
    *

  18. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon light lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    **********
    crossing the road
    in the rain

    saying goodbye
    end of visiting hours

    leaving the cemetery
    in silence

    the vet talks
    about palliative care

  19. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    through the kasturi valley
    reap hope ..

  20. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    nothing is wasted
    although sometimes cloudy

  21. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    the rainy season ends
    bike down from the garage

  22. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    that old urgency mellowed
    to something else again
    **

  23. Congratulations dear Jonathan Alderfer

    touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops
    Jonathan Alderfer

    1) Only letters
    until the climax of wedding

    2) Un plucked rose
    until she reaches finality

    3) her skin’s winter jacket
    love notes prominent in hot sun

    4) in falls frost
    her rhyme of yesteryears

    5) walker of bamboo sticks
    accompanying her romance

  24. broken locket
    her secret love
    slips out
    ———-Tracy Davidson
    .

    storm surge threatens
    her center of gravity
    .

    out of the blue
    a cloud appears
    .

    the moon’s pull
    grows stronger

  25. shadows creep across
    this hospital blanket

    *

    ageing limbs still dance
    to a silent orchestra

    *

    death waits at the bottom
    of this rabbit hole

  26. drought stressed roots
    hold fast in the storm
    *
    the sway of an empty swing
    stirring this stirring that

  27. startled from a dream
    where she still walks beside me
    jasmine in the air

    John Hawkhead

    the scent she wore…. the scent she
    wears now in my dream of her

    the lift
    of morning fog
    takes me, too

    Liz Ann Winkler

    another place where we
    held hands until it lifted

    broken locket
    her secret love
    slips out

    Tracy Davidson

    I hope they don’t catch on…
    tonight we elope

    standard time…
    always each other
    to fall back on

    Laurie Greer

    “having the time of
    our lives”.

  28. a touch of your hand…
    
afternoon sunlight
    lingers
 in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    soft sighs fall into rhythm
    as Venus slowly rises

    Liz Ann Winkler

    Thank you Jonathan- such a tender image. And thanks for pausing on mine, John.

  29. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    barely stirring from your nap
    grandchild sneaks a butterscotch

  30. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
    .
    soon we’ll be viewing
    the first stars

  31. Congratulations Jonathan…an exquisite and dreamy poem!
    Congratulations to the four finalists and to the short list poets.
    Thank-you John for an insightful commentary and for considering my poem.

  32. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops
    Jonathan Alderfer

    “wake up wake up what about
    the canoe trip you promised”

    Guides my very thoughts
    my every word

    our eyes still lock
    after all these years

    the leaves turning
    to a golden rose

    to think we almost
    didn’t meet

  33. Congratulations Jonathan and thank you John!
    *****

    a banjo busker counting
    coins under the streetlight
    ***
    the hearse driver’s smile
    as he drives through the stoplight
    ****
    wrinkles in the icing
    of the birthday cake
    ***’
    scarecrow gazing at the stars
    on a moonless night
    ****
    most problems
    are caused by zippers

  34. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    the sun feels different
    in the fall

  35. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    the sun sets too soon
    in the autumn sky

  36. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    find
    place to carve out time

  37. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    penetrate the beauty of the sky
    happiness

  38. Congratulations, Johnathan!
    .
    a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops — Jonathan Alderfer
    .
    there’s no romancer like him
    since the days of John Keats

  39. broken locket
    her secret love
    slips out

    Tracy Davidson

    pillow catches fresh shed tears
    wartime was another life

    1. broken locket
      her secret love
      slips out

      Tracy Davidson

      pillow catches fresh shed tears
      wartime was another life
      _________
      *Edit
      pillow catches fresh shed tears
      from my former wartime life

  40. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    Great , dear Jonathan..
    Congratulations !!!

  41. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    two gold bands worn
    to the width of one
    *

  42. Thank you, John! I was out hiking this morning and, when I got back, was surprised and delighted to find that my verse has been chosen. And congratulations to all the participating poets, whose work so often inspires me.

  43. the baby takes a
    double cream in her coffee

    ten seconds more
    on the instant timer

    as much about you
    as the moonlight

    an elusive cure for
    our mutual skin disease

    apples on the
    head of Newton

    ladies and gentlemen
    may i present…

  44. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    immersed in the glow
    of our guardian angel
    **

  45. Thank you , Jonathan, for such a great opening verse! And thank you ,John, for guiding us along!

    drinking in birdsong
    as one calls to another

  46. Congratulations, Jonathan.
    Your verse reminds me of a black and white film, the days when lovers loved, but the view panned up into the trees or sky and it was left up to the viewer to imagine. So much more romantic than the ‘in your face, we have today.
    Well chosen, John, and thank you for mentioning mine, appreciated.

  47. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    still trace of an arrow
    carved deep in the bark

    the burble of ring-doves
    preparing to roost

    side by side rocking chairs
    on the back porch

    all we can dream of
    on separate wards

    things that I mumble
    after the stroke

  48. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    along the golden path
    a mingling of shadows

  49. Congratulations, Jonathan! Lovely, evocative verse full of linking possibilities.
    Thanks, John, for the comments–honored to be a finalist!

  50. a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    the calls of gathering sparrows
    bring us back to earth
    **

     

    1. on second thought:

      a touch of your hand…
      afternoon sunlight lingers
      in the treetops

      Jonathan Alderfer
      *
      the gathering sparrows
      call us back to earth

  51. Congratulations to Jonathan Alderfer on a fine and warm opening verse. And thanks, John, for your ever helpful guidance, comments, and suggestions.

    a touch of your hand…
    afternoon sunlight lingers
    in the treetops

    Jonathan Alderfer

    walking together
    the long way home
    *
    the doctor explains
    the ultrasound
    *
    the parents quiet
    at a dance recital
    *
    after the “I do’s” and
    before the music
    *
    shadows lengthen
    from gravestones

    +++

    Also, congratulations to the four other finalists:

    startled from a dream
    where she still walks beside me
    jasmine in the air

    John Hawkhead
    *
    years already slipped away
    and the long time still to come
    *
    the airport terminal fills
    with ever-new passengers

    +++

    the lift
    of morning fog
    takes me, too

    Liz Ann Winkler
    *
    our real names
    in the register
    *
    a shared key
    opens the door

    +++

    broken locket
    her secret love
    slips out

    Tracy Davidson
    *
    the long lost
    tabby kitten
    *
    not John, Paul,
    or even George

    +++

    standard time…
    always each other
    to fall back on

    Laurie Greer
    *
    finishing each
    other’s sentences
    *
    the same meals
    for fifty years

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