The Renku Sessions: Tan-Renga Week 7
Hello, everyone. We will be focusing on tan-renga for the remainder of the year. While I’m not certain how deeply rooted in its history this may be, I’m going to urge you to think of tan-renga in two ways. One way is to think of it as the shortest of all renga/renku forms. This would encourage variety in the linking styles and perhaps some great leaps. The other way is to think of it as collaborative waka/tanka, which might support closer linking, bordering upon narrative.
New opening verses, 86 of them, came from 25 poets this week.
Here is my initial “short list”:
startled from a dream
where she still walks beside me
jasmine in the air
John Hawkhead
spellbound. . .
she tells him of luscious
red apples
Carol Jones
the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too
Liz Ann Winkler
the déjà vu
of my new neighbour’s
waterbed
Lorin Ford
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
remember how
we hovered, glided
and sometimes soared
Dan Campbell
love is a macdonald’s coffee
five creams…
a chocolate chip cookie
madeleine kavanagh
standard time…
always each other
to fall back on
Laurie Greer
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
fairy tale romance
the touch of her lips
brings him to life
Carol Jones
Here is my list of “finalists,” with some comments:
startled from a dream
where she still walks beside me
jasmine in the air
John Hawkhead
The sometimes-porous line between dreaming and waking is a prominent feature of this verse. The scent of jasmine, while a feature of the waking world, can easily be taken as a message from the land of dreams. This is a 5-7-5 opening verse. If we were to link with it in the same style our capping verses would be 7-7.
the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too
Liz Ann Winkler
As a love verse, this is suggestive but not conclusive. A capping verse might take on the task of “sealing the deal.”
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
Linking to this verse, which is kind of a cliff-hanger, should probably be strongly narrative. We need to know what happens next.
standard time…
always each other
to fall back on
Laurie Greer
It seems as if the capping verse almost must employ some version of “spring forward.”
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
A strong, yet open and indefinite mood is established in this verse. Should we cap it with an extension of these qualities or with a contrast of some sort
Here is the verse we will be capping this week:
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
THIS WEEK
Please offer up to five two-line capping verses for Jonathan Alderfer’s opening verse. As in the past, you may also offer capping verses for the other finalists, knowing that the selection of work for the Haiku Foundation archives will be made from among capping verses for the Jonathan Alderfer verse.
Enter your offers in the comments section, below, before midnight (Eastern US time) on Monday, November 21st. On Thursday, November 24th, I will select a capping verse and comment on the process.
Thank you, all, once again,
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
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a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
a wood thrush song
now two
congrats jonathan and runner-ups.
thanks to john for his delightful commentary
curled maple leaves
crunch under our boots
only an empty nest
glimpsed through the leaves
Thank-you Sushama for the well wishes
– from the post before.
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
silver-headed couple
under the moonlight
the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too
Liz Ann Winkler
*revision
shrimp for two
along the wharf
the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too
Liz Ann Winkler
first date…shrimp
in two paper cups
at the wharf
the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too
Liz Ann Winkler
the painting he gifts me
says it all
***
startled from a dream
where she still walks beside me
jasmine in the air
John Hawkhead
smell of burnt metal
in the vendor’s cry
***
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
his cryptic phone call
to her best friend
***
standard time…
always each other
to fall back on
Laurie Greer
both spring forward
to bake the cake
***
Congratulations Jonathan! Thank you John!
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
the ripened cherries
come away again
***
the coming season’s rains
takes us within
***
the silver vessels
still retain their shine
***
reaping gold
i still look for more
***
the browning leaves
still hold on
Congratulations, Jonathan! A beautiful verse.
.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
.
.
over our house boat
swaying on the lake
.
opening my eyes to silence
the blue sky blurs
.
… how quickly
we can become islands
.
from up high a circling heron’s
perfect swoop
.
and the breeze undulating
picks up pace
.
on the garden bench
a cat licks its paws
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
storm clouds
spoil our horizon
*
granite marker
chills your fingertips
*
a short pause before
yes
*
I study your face
as if for the last time
*
sparrow song carried
on a whispered breeze
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
your naked limbs
full of oranges
blush on the breasts
of bluebirds
what care have i
for shadows
only the parting
of your lips
the shhh
of leaves
Sarah E. Metzler
in the rodent’s eye
a kestrel hovering
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
footsteps in moss
fading behind us
a row of crows
on the telephone line
startled from a dream
where she still walks beside me
jasmine in the air
John Hawkhead
…
your promise to
watch over me
Lovely
and yours as well, John,
…a very inspiring poem!
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
…
never thought in a million years
you’d fall for me
the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too
Liz Ann Winkler
…
we stayed for hours
at the outdoor cafe
standard time…
always each other
to fall back on
Laurie Greer
looking forward to
spring time with you
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
.
but you’ve been gone
these past nine years
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
.
“blue sharks!” you whisper
“it’s Kaneko Tohta’s sharks!”
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
.
unfortunately
a flock of roosting mynas
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
*
asking where we go
after the fairy tale ending
*
a touch of your hand…
afternoon light lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
**********
crossing the road
in the rain
saying goodbye
end of visiting hours
leaving the cemetery
in silence
the vet talks
about palliative care
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
through the kasturi valley
reap hope ..
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
nothing is wasted
although sometimes cloudy
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
the rainy season ends
bike down from the garage
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
*
that old urgency mellowed
to something else again
**
Congratulations dear Jonathan Alderfer
touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
1) Only letters
until the climax of wedding
2) Un plucked rose
until she reaches finality
3) her skin’s winter jacket
love notes prominent in hot sun
4) in falls frost
her rhyme of yesteryears
5) walker of bamboo sticks
accompanying her romance
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
———-Tracy Davidson
.
storm surge threatens
her center of gravity
.
out of the blue
a cloud appears
.
the moon’s pull
grows stronger
shadows creep across
this hospital blanket
*
ageing limbs still dance
to a silent orchestra
*
death waits at the bottom
of this rabbit hole
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
In the treetops
J. Alderfer
hiding behind an oak
we kiss
drought stressed roots
hold fast in the storm
*
the sway of an empty swing
stirring this stirring that
Such beautiful poems
startled from a dream
where she still walks beside me
jasmine in the air
John Hawkhead
the scent she wore…. the scent she
wears now in my dream of her
…
the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too
Liz Ann Winkler
another place where we
held hands until it lifted
…
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
I hope they don’t catch on…
tonight we elope
…
standard time…
always each other
to fall back on
Laurie Greer
“having the time of
our lives”.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight
lingers in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
soft sighs fall into rhythm
as Venus slowly rises
Liz Ann Winkler
Thank you Jonathan- such a tender image. And thanks for pausing on mine, John.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
barely stirring from your nap
grandchild sneaks a butterscotch
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops – Jonathan Alderfer
.
soon we’ll be viewing
the first stars
Congratulations Jonathan…an exquisite and dreamy poem!
Congratulations to the four finalists and to the short list poets.
Thank-you John for an insightful commentary and for considering my poem.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
“wake up wake up what about
the canoe trip you promised”
…
Guides my very thoughts
my every word
…
our eyes still lock
after all these years
…
the leaves turning
to a golden rose
…
to think we almost
didn’t meet
Congratulations Jonathan and thank you John!
*****
a banjo busker counting
coins under the streetlight
***
the hearse driver’s smile
as he drives through the stoplight
****
wrinkles in the icing
of the birthday cake
***’
scarecrow gazing at the stars
on a moonless night
****
most problems
are caused by zippers
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
the sun feels different
in the fall
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
the sun sets too soon
in the autumn sky
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
find
place to carve out time
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
penetrate the beauty of the sky
happiness
Congratulations, Johnathan!
.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops — Jonathan Alderfer
.
there’s no romancer like him
since the days of John Keats
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
pillow catches fresh shed tears
wartime was another life
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
pillow catches fresh shed tears
wartime was another life
_________
*Edit
pillow catches fresh shed tears
from my former wartime life
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
Great , dear Jonathan..
Congratulations !!!
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
*
two gold bands worn
to the width of one
*
Thank you, John! I was out hiking this morning and, when I got back, was surprised and delighted to find that my verse has been chosen. And congratulations to all the participating poets, whose work so often inspires me.
the baby takes a
double cream in her coffee
ten seconds more
on the instant timer
as much about you
as the moonlight
an elusive cure for
our mutual skin disease
apples on the
head of Newton
ladies and gentlemen
may i present…
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
*
immersed in the glow
of our guardian angel
**
Thank you , Jonathan, for such a great opening verse! And thank you ,John, for guiding us along!
drinking in birdsong
as one calls to another
Congratulations, Jonathan.
Your verse reminds me of a black and white film, the days when lovers loved, but the view panned up into the trees or sky and it was left up to the viewer to imagine. So much more romantic than the ‘in your face, we have today.
Well chosen, John, and thank you for mentioning mine, appreciated.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
—
still trace of an arrow
carved deep in the bark
—
the burble of ring-doves
preparing to roost
—
side by side rocking chairs
on the back porch
—
all we can dream of
on separate wards
—
things that I mumble
after the stroke
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
along the golden path
a mingling of shadows
Congratulations, Jonathan! Lovely, evocative verse full of linking possibilities.
Thanks, John, for the comments–honored to be a finalist!
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the calls of gathering sparrows
bring us back to earth
**
on second thought:
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the gathering sparrows
call us back to earth
Congratulations to Jonathan Alderfer on a fine and warm opening verse. And thanks, John, for your ever helpful guidance, comments, and suggestions.
a touch of your hand…
afternoon sunlight lingers
in the treetops
Jonathan Alderfer
walking together
the long way home
*
the doctor explains
the ultrasound
*
the parents quiet
at a dance recital
*
after the “I do’s” and
before the music
*
shadows lengthen
from gravestones
+++
Also, congratulations to the four other finalists:
startled from a dream
where she still walks beside me
jasmine in the air
John Hawkhead
*
years already slipped away
and the long time still to come
*
the airport terminal fills
with ever-new passengers
+++
the lift
of morning fog
takes me, too
Liz Ann Winkler
*
our real names
in the register
*
a shared key
opens the door
+++
broken locket
her secret love
slips out
Tracy Davidson
*
the long lost
tabby kitten
*
not John, Paul,
or even George
+++
standard time…
always each other
to fall back on
Laurie Greer
*
finishing each
other’s sentences
*
the same meals
for fifty years
Thanks Richard! I like your first response particularly. All the best, John
the only thing
that’s missing is a cup of tea
A leaf falls
My hand is alone