The Renku Sessions: Tan-Renga Week 4
Hello, everyone. We will be focusing on tan-renga for the remainder of the year, with a couple of breaks while I am traveling. While I’m not certain how deeply rooted in its history this may be, I’m going to urge you to think of tan-renga in two ways. One way is to think of it as the shortest of all renga/renku forms. This would encourage variety in the linking styles and perhaps some great leaps. The other way is to think of it as collaborative waka/tanka, which might support closer linking, bordering upon narrative.
This week produced 78 offers of capping verses for Marion Clarke’s opener, from 20 poets. In addition, we received many offers relating to other three finalists. While I won’t be covering those here, I urge you to have a look at them. Some great stuff there.
I’m going to repeat my process from last week for presenting this week’s results. There will be an initial “short list” and another list of “finalists,” before a final selection.
So, here is my initial “short list”:
a fortnight
however long it might be
Michael Henry Lee
a sheet of ice
slips into the sea
Richard Straw
tremors throughout
the spider’s web
Carol Jones
eyes blinking
at the subway exit
Harrison
all the Queen’s horses
and all the Queen’s men
Harrison
two by two
on to the boat
madeleine kavanagh
after years
of drought
madeleine kavanagh
the wiped window
mists up again
Andrew Shimield
the family tradition
of repenting at leisure
Laurie Greer
huddled in the bus shelter
a woman, a man
Lorin Ford
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
wet
with divine dew
J R Turek
Here is my list of “finalists,” each displayed with Marion Clarke’s opener:
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
tremors throughout
the spider’s web
Carol Jones
The nature images of both verses give the combination a consistency and broad potential for meaning. At the most literal level, the rain drops are the cause and the tremors are the effect. I am struck by the way in which “this world” can mean both the whole world and a very specific, small sample of it. And that, in turn, informs the possible conceptions of “the spider’s web.”
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
all the Queen’s horses
and all the Queen’s men
Harrison
Normally, I would not recommend a current events reference in this kind of poem. But this one is always going to be clarified by the contrast of “all the Queen’s…” to “all the King’s…” in the well-known nursery rhyme. And I enjoy reflecting on the fact that nursery rhymes often originated in current events. Certainly, the passing of Queen Elizabeth II seems sudden to many, even if it was also expected.
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
after years
of drought
madeleine kavanagh
Many of the offers related “suddenness” to shock. This one relates it to “revival.” And the close linking, with the cap reading like a seamless continuation of the opening, is also in contrast to much of what we have been doing, so far, with linkage.
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
the wiped window
mists up again
Andrew Shimield
A lovely contrast between the suddenness of insight and then the quick, and yet gradual, almost serene, resumption of less clarity of vision.
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
huddled in the bus shelter
a woman, a man
Lorin Ford
This seems to me to be very much in the tradition of waka/tanka. By focusing on human relationships, “suddenness” becomes the sort of transformation implied in an unanticipated beginning to what may prove a lifelong relationship.
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
Taken with Dan’s other offers, it seems that this was conceived as a scene from an execution by hanging. But, liberated from that context, it has an openness that matches that of the opening verse. As a pair, they put me in mind of Samuel Beckett’s, “They give birth astride a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it’s night again.”
I hope I’ve made it clear from my comments that any of these combinations would be satisfying.
Here is our tan-renga, as it will be entered in THF archives:
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
THIS WEEK
Once again, you are invited to offer three-line verses that could be used for tan-renga. Please give us at least one and as many as five.
Enter your offers in the comments section, below, before midnight (Eastern US time) on Monday, October 17. On Thursday, October 20, I will select the opening verse that will be used for capping in the next round.
Thank you, all, once again,
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
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pastel palette
now swapped with
touches of warmth
pastel palette
swapped with
touches of warmth
fire
surprise
sapling maple
So glad I found this site — love the tan-renga.
Honored to be on the short list. : ) Many thanks!
there is no remedy
love hurts heals steals
autumn leaves
book falls open
page splattered
with lies
a lost button
your cardigan
pockets full of mothballs
summer turns her back
dahlias bloom
anyway
my palm open
to receive raindrops
clouds drift off
scissors glued shut
no gossip today
lightning on the horizon
Wonderful capping verse, Dan, to Marion’s verse. Well done.
blowing leaves…
the south wind no longer
warm
.
rainy evening…
a feral cat slinks
across the street
.
streetlight . . .
her shadow grows longer
as she walks away
.
midsummer . . .
toad on the stoop
dining by porch light
.
fog all night . . .
toad in the driveway
looking for the moon
.
sunny day . . .
last night’s toad
nowhere to be seen
that first leap
from the limb
of a maple tree
****
barbed wire
reflection
in the prison puddle
5.
dimpled ..
the little girl is jumping up and down
pointing rainbow
4.
impressed
when passing through a line of ants
neat and orderly
magnolia leaves
the large hand always there
to hold mine
*
frieze of creation
looking back
at red light/green light
**
over the fence
far from the feeder
cackling crows
Congratulations Dan. A nice cap to Marion’s verse.
Enjoyed your thoughts and selections John.
a fingerprint
galaxy disappears
in the telescope
***
a dog’s howl
guiding me home
in the fog
****
lighthouse beams
guiding refugees
to a new home
Many thanks to all for the kind comments and thanks John for your very helpful analysis and comments on the verses.
What great offers for a capping verse! Well done to Dan and thanks, John, for your detailed notes on the selection process.
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
nd thank you to everyone who commented on my verse. I love the finished tan-renga! 🙂
marion
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
good news
love dog parade
coming soon
left on the shelf
a senior citizen
picks up an apple
Congratulations Marion and Dan!
miles away
from the news
you’ll hear
sparrows
come and go
on the fence
stray orange cat
blending
with the pumpkins
waking
angry
at waking
she still writes
the ups and downs of life
in cursive
january rules
there are no
secure places
wendy c. bialek
leaves
strewn along the street
autumn sunset
full moon
His thumb print
upon the sky
didn’t sleep a wink
a yellow squiggle over
the lily pond
the end of summer
I put on
my shoes
the holly berries
are turning
red
Congratulations to Dan…a brilliant capping and to Marion for a wonderful poem. Thank-you very much John! Thank-you Keith!
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
grandparents
under one umbrella
their steps
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
keep spirit
at the end of the
winding road
there is light
Beautiful … beautiful … beautifil !!
Congratulation dear Marion and dear Dan❤️❤️
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
on the same corner
every night–
asking for change
*
fipple flute…
transcribing the whispers
of Icelandic horses
*
fipple flute
the gentle tones
that calm a nightmare
**
deep mid-winter
a mendicant
in silent prayer
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
Thanks Marian and Dan for the wonderful writes
fine steps
end of her dance
sudden swoon
*****
end of squeeze
fine aroma dripping
with dirt
*****
tasty pickle
out of orange
peels
****
dawn’s edge
a silenced entry
into her last days
***
counts his sacrifice
standing under banner
others nowhere
Congratulations, Marion and Dan, for a fine tan-renga. And thanks again, John, for your comments and leadership.
+++
empty houses
align a dark street
leaves falling
*
rusted
the wheelbarrow
in red leaves
*
acorn break
a squirrely pair chases
their tails
*
autumn coolness
a cat napping under
the dish towel
*
forest path
a pack of humans
quiets the birds
another storm
a swish
of my neighbour’s curtain
winter chill
no shower curtain
in this motel
long night
the mirror tells me
what I’m not
Tracey, I very much like the way that your ‘winter chill’ verse may or may not allude to the famous Hitchcock shower scene. 🙂
Lovely verse, Dan!
Thank you John! I’m learning much.
My five offers:
autumn mist –
she remembers
the chinese whisper
***
vomiting out
all the syllables
little by little
***
miles of snow
the warmth in a chime
few feet away
***
rippling lake
a stone makes it’s way
into the heart
***
her dreamy gaze
on top of the steps
…distant fog
This is great fun indeed. Capital John
it takes two to tango
several more to
line dance
in the words of
Donald Trump
” I never said that”
it seems
the pledge of allegiance
has a whole no meaning
conventional wisdom
points to another
conspiracy
stockpiling
toilet tissue for
the midterm elections
🙂 All are both clever and humorous, Michael. At first glance, “line dancing” and “toilet tissue” are my favourites. On 2nd, the Trump person’s “I never said that.”
Thanks Much Lorin, glad you enjoyed them
Ever hopeful…. five offers:
daylight saving
the time it takes
to change the clocks
—
day moon
my sun salutation
not what it was
—
evening downpour
the clock set
for the homing pigeon
—
first kiss
the signatures
in advance
—
sun on the river
a letter of condolence
still to be written
Thanks as always, John. Dan’s creativity and humour shine through.
It was also interesting to contemplate the sideline offers to the other poems. For me (of course…) my own:
at the bottom
of his toolkit
a pink envelope
I would choose Madeleine Kavanagh’s disarming:
“…please take my tooth
to the fairy…”
Just when the reader was thinking about some lost love, secret affair, or even concealed sexual orientations….an unexpected note from his little daughter, astutely placed to find him at work, reminding her father to make sure he secures the traditional coin for her milk tooth from the tooth fairy. A charming mix of knowingness, naivety, and lightness. The quotation marks in the context of the envelope indicate the nub of a written message which one well imagines was sweetened with a loving sign-off, and probably accompanied by the tooth in evidence!
All good fun and a relief from the daily news.
dan….your talent is unless! love your capping verse.
wonderful commentary john….glad to hear your expressive words and feedback again.
“holy crap”
heard down
the fruit aisle
wendy c. bialek
correction….endless!
and un-ending
mica glistens
from this shallow river’s
sandy bed
.
Friday 13th –
the grinning plastic pumpkins
suddenly make sense
.
flooding rains –
today’s Nordic Walking group
cancelled
.
pandemic –
from nothing to wear
to nowhere to wear it
.
like this one, lorin!
Thanks, Wendy. 🙂
rain at dawn
the suddenness
of this world
Marion Clarke
his last drink
was a sip of fog
Dan Campbell
.
Congratulations, Dan. 🙂
I agree with John that “it has an openness…”. As I read the verse, that “last drink” isn’t necessarily the last/final drink he had in this life. To me, it could well be that he was out there in the wild somewhere dry and had run out of water, and there were no streams or waterholes to drink from either. The humour of “a sip of fog” as his “last drink” works because suddenly at dawn it rains, so he has plenty of water to drink.
Congratulations, Dan, a fitting verse for capping Marion’s.
John, I enjoyed reading all your thoughs on the finalist’s verses.
Dan’s reminds me of the saying ‘here today gone tomorrow’
Thankyou for pausing, and commenting on one of mine.