The Renku Sessions: Tan-renga – Week 11
Our selector for this capping verse is Marion Clarke, who reports as follows:
“I thought it would be a simple enough exercise to select one stand-out verse this week, given the vast range of blossom haiku that have already been written. However, this was not to be the case!
Not surprisingly, a number of verses referred to the Covid pandemic and in Wendy C. Bialek’s verse I could imagine the parting mourners’ socially-distanced air kisses falling like petals:
cherry blossoms
shower the hearse
goodbye kisses
Angiola Inglese’s rainbow where a loved one had rested left a lingering image:
cherry blossoms
there, where he leaned
the rainbow
And Pauline O’Carolan makes the very true observation that:
only the Japanese
will see their cherry blossom
this year
Radhamani Sarma’s verse was moving, though I felt that it could be shortened for more impact…
blossoms
grandpa breathes
his last
And Robert Kingston presented an interesting verse suggesting the power of cherry blossoms to ease a situation. I wondered if this was perhaps arguing lovers in the car behind who are distracted by the sight of the blossoms, or if they are covering up marks left from a road accident:
smoothing things over
cherry blossom
caught in the lorry’s wake
I found the simple beauty of Andrew Shimield’s verse breathtaking:
almost unseen
on the frosted lawn
white blossom
Now, although I enjoyed all the above verses, I felt they were relatively closed, so continued on my quest. There was great use of the senses in many of the verses, and the overpowering aroma in Michelle Beyers’ “spring bouquet” immediately suggested Lily of the Valley to me…
spring bouquet
overtakes
the room
although her previous verses suggest that the blooms may, in fact, be hyacinths.
The soft sound of Yuka Fujiu’s verse was beautiful and made me think of tinkling piano notes:
little petals fall
playing pianissimo
alongside the wind
as was the imagery in Keith Evetts’ verse (with a suggested tweak)
egg moon
cupped in a magnolia
the blackbird’s song
This flavourful verse from Tracy Davidson was very enticing…
family picnic
grandma’s plain sponge
iced with cherry petals
while Jonathan Alderfer’s nautical offering presented a lovely visual:
spring tide…
an unmoored blossom
drifts out to sea
John Daleiden’s bear cubs frolicking among yellow mustard flowers was a joyful creation, as was Ivan Gaćina’s “thousand suns.”
I also loved the image of Angiola Inglese’s butterfly lingering on embroidered flowers and, after researching the tragic Persian story of Farhard and Shirim, the red tulip in John Daleiden’s verse was a poignant image.
There were a few surprises along the way, such as Tracy Davidson’s rattle snake in fallen peach blossom and Princess K’s bar room elephants!
However, in order to pare down the thirty-something verses I had marked up, I turned to John Stevenson’s statement in which he compared the opening of a renku to “the opening montage of a movie, consisting of scenes setting a location and mood, before any of the plot action has taken place.” This would, presumably, require a verse sufficiently open to invite imaginative offerings for the capping verse.
John Hawkhead’s “blossom drifting” monoku was intriguing, but I understand that we need a three-line opening verse in tan renga (as well as one that contains a pause or break, which wasn’t the case in some of the verses offered).
So I decided to look for submissions that contained a hint of mystery or prompted a narrative.
Laurie Greer’s violet instead of clover raised a smile and I wondered what the future might bring…
four leaf violet
my luck
about to change
Nani Mariani’s romantic image of a pair of butterflies on a camellia drew me in, and the word “perched” added tension. I would suggest removing the preposition at the beginning…
the end of twilight
a pair of butterflies
perched on a camellia
Keith Evetts’ seven-word verse ‘bloom’ is definitely open enough to allow the reader to dream up a narrative. The fact that the blossom will be short-lived makes this reader think that there will soon be time for regret:
blossom
no time for regret
as yet
But I think my favourite has to be this verse from Laurie Greer. I felt it was sufficiently open to allow the reader to come up with a scenario (and I was left with the suggestion that perhaps it’s never too late).”
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
John speaking again:
Laurie Greer will be offered the option of choosing a capping verse from among those offered in the coming week. Laurie, please let me know if you are willing to make the next selection. As always, I am ready to make it if you would rather not and ready to consult with you, if you do want to choose.
This week, you are all invited to offer two-line capping verses. They should either be spring images or non-seasonal.
Please enter your verses in the comments box, below. Laurie or I will review them until midnight on Monday, April 12 (Eastern US time). On Thursday, April 15, there will be a posting in which Laurie or I will comment on some of the capping verse suggestions and select one of them to complete our latest tan-renga.
Looking forward to seeing your verses!
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/
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Glad to be back with you all.
we remain in our places
with bright shiny faces
*****************************
examining those few
options that remain
*************************
a celebratory tattoo,
most definitely called for
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
still haven’t found the direction
the weeds are very high
Nani Mariani
Nani Mariani
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
her tie-dyed shirt
faded in the sun
*
a red exit sign
glows in the corridor
after altar candles
are snuffed out
the boutonniere
dried in a rumpled tux
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
still hanging
by the blue wall
4/12/2021 by wendy © bialek
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
************
a wink and a nod
from a wayward pixie
the glaciers knock in cupboards
and volcanoes spew gold coins
in the courts of love
blossoms fade, but seed ripen
I pluck fading petals
she loves me, she loves me not . . .
looney tunes entertainments
pivot with irony
after a bitter draft
is poured, fate steps in
*************************
in the gorilla house
Goliath beats his chest
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
fists and confetti
at the shotgun wedding
wild cherry
when it’s too late
to run away
the crimson blush
of his attention
wild cherry
when it’s too late
to run away
the broken window
bares its teeth
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
~ Laurie Greer
the geisha’s eyes
on the harbor’s horizon
blossoms vanishing
into nothingness
into the rain
washing away the path
sweet bird song
become heartbreaking
rustling leaves were
once divine messengers
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
*
some wolf howls
will make you weep
*
power outage then
listening to the rain
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
*******************************
petals break
the pandemic claws
*
reflection of the stars
in a clear river
*
instead of rain
kanji in the sky
*
in its light
the dark side of the moon
*
birth of a baby
accompanied by an orchestra
*
parachutes descend
into the unknown
Ivan Gaćina
Ivan, I really like your “reflection of the stars” couplet ..
in the pit begin
the Rites of Spring
the chimes stop
on his retirement clock
customs check
the smuggler’s truck
corpse in the boxcar
unidentified
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
~~~~~~~
blossoming frenzy
the wind at her back
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
mid way crossing
the penny farthing race
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
—
Vanilla
play that funky music
—
arrested by the sheriff
a swarthy prophet
—
the full catch
on returning boats
—
tang of bladder-wrack
the ebb tide turns
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
~~~~~
blossoms swirling
after the hearse
bits of bouquet left behind
with the rice
blossoms sticking
to the headstone moss
petals chasing the edge
of her gown
blossoms stuck
to the soles of her shoes
blossoms drizzle
over her grave
blossoms sticking
to the headstone moss
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
anytime is ripe
to drop the truth
4/11/2021 by wendy © bialek
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
*
waiting for an owl
to return my hoot
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
**
**
moonlit river
still, beyond a broken gate
**
nightingale
a balm for wandering feet
**
wandering cat
in time for breakfast
**
a faucet drips
wee hours to dawn
Squeeze into jam packed bus
a break down soon
**
stuffed chocolate in mouth
mother’s lecture on tooth extraction on
***
new uniform in the morn
evening all ink blots all over
**
milk man milking
the aid off dead calf now
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
moon receding
this side of nowhere
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 4/11/21
Thank you Marion for your thorough and thoughtful commentary! It was very helpful to follow your thinking as you came to your selection. Thank you John for keeping us headed in the right direction, and congrats to Laurie for a lovely verse! Here are my offerings for this week:
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
the metro door
begins to close
opening day
for the bluebells
too many dandelions
to count
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
.
.
the tongue out kite
capers in cotton candy
.
kites and microaggressions
rise with intonation
.
wearing the wind a kite works
every shade of the blues
.
cornered
a native prussian deigns to dance
.
at the end of the rope
the key is self evident
.
.
wild cherry
when it’s too late
To escape
*
– his first round
of chemo
a pickpocket caught
red – handed
Thank you, Marion, for your insights. It was interesting that you chose a verse without a clear meaning so there would be many more potential capping verses; it made me realise I probably make my starting verses much too ‘closed’ and literal. It was the same with the mysterious ‘witching hour’ John Hawkead verse. I had no idea what it meant when I read it but it really sparked poets’ wild imaginings and Marion’s perfect cap.
…
It was also interesting that you said the verses had to have a pause like a traditional hokku. I’d been working on the assumption that no pause was necessary in this form – thank you, princess k, for bringing up that discussion point. I’ll pause/break in future!
…
the borders are closed
so we holiday at home
…
cloven-footed Pan
plays sweet music on his flute
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
midway through the train
the sound of crunching metal
waddling through the bright lights
in the delivery suite
my reflection trembles
in the mountain stream
sipping the flat fizz
of yesterday’s cocktail
a colorful kite
rises in cloudy skies
dreams not followed
turn into nightmares
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
*
two blue balloons
escaping from the zoo
a honey bee’s buzz
before the sting
Revision:
.
the bee’s buzz
before its sting
Congrats to Laurie Greer for her verse, and thanks to Marion Clark for appreciating my contributions.
Here are my proposals
wild cherry
when it’s too late
To escape
Laurie Greer
*
pieces of cold sky
in the flight of the swallow
*
circles of the swallow
on the still empty nest
Hello,
Too good to resist this first verse 😉
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
***
fresh from the atelier
hands and talk full of colours
***
emerging from the reading room
grinning to an empty placemat
***
bark of a distant dog still
the cat chooses to bask on the sun deck
***
Thanks and good luck everyone!
Sandra
the sky seems bluer
when viewed from a scaffold
*
crows like to dance
in the rain
*
a crow
likes to strut in snow
*
i’ve seen eagles
with a crow tattoo
*
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
juggling fireballs
over quicksand
4/10/2021 by wendy © bialek
Congrats Laurie! I enjoyed your commentary Marion, and appreciated that you took the time to highlight the many diverse voices among the verses submitted. I did however, have a question for John S. Marion wrote:
.
“…but I understand that we need a three-line opening verse in tan renga (as well as one that contains a pause or break, which wasn’t the case in some of the verses offered).”
.
My question – is the pause or break necessary in the opening verse?
This seems to be an open question for tan-renga in English. My personal attitude is that a break in the opening verse (consistent with the hokku in a longer renga/renku) is preferred but not required.
a complement of birds
circling the band stand
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
listening to the chimes
at the old clock shop
a second past midnight
outside La Fenice
alone in the stalls
at La Fenice
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
a boy slides in
the all skate sign
.
dance the mazurka
under a blood moon
fate, an unknown destiny,
lies in Powerful Hands
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
the men run
into the firestorm
.
she stands and faces
the music
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
why do the men run
into the firestorm
.
when does she stand and face
the music
Lots of fun to be had reading these wonderful comments and verses! Here’s one more:
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
a bee pays a visit
the pit begins to grow
her dreams return
under a sprouting grass moon
Shelley Baker-Gard
after a fire
the ashes are searched . . .
wild cherry
when it is too late
to run away
…..Laurie Greer
in the grip of funky rock
a cluster of buds
…..Carole Harrison
wild cherry
when it is too late
to run away
….. Laurie Greer
a cluster of buds
surrender to funky rock
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
and swinging butterflies
amazing view ..
Nani Mariani
A fabulous choice, Marion.
If we think of what has been created from its natural species . . . mind blowing, Laurie, congratulations.
congrats to Laurie and thanks to Marion for insight ..
here are my 2 go-ats
*
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
*
Laurie Greer
*
where such thoughts may fly
these roots cannot follow
*
and for fun:
*
sweet or sour
staying put is the pits
*
maxianne
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
pack one suitcase
filled with sorrows
4/092021 by wendy © bialek
Thoughtful commentary, Marion! Congratulations, Laurie!
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
tango night… only the sheer
moon between us
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 4/9/21
Congrats Laurie and thank you Marion for the insightful comments:
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
*
inmates dancing
in the prison’s searchlights
*
kites soaring
over the refugee camp
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
secateurs held
to the sharpening stone
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
ocean wind
inside a shell
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
traversing ancient mountains
to the gallows tree
**
sunlight on the silent path
the silver haired woman smiles
**
the box turtles speak
with god’s voice over the water
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
dewdrops suspended
on the chain link fence
.
Great opening verse Laurie and incredibly detailed and insightful commentary by Marion. Kudos!
the clock springs forward
faster than I do
***
“never never never”
whispers my dead mother
***
tender shoots draw me
into their embrace
***
this life
too tame for my spirit
***
the blossom fades
from bruised cheeks
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
or scatter yourself
at your own feet
——–
the ground papered
with wasted words
———-
the wind from the North
whispering us back home
———–
scattergun chances,
April
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
it suddenly rained
and I’m late coming home
Nani Mariani
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
young robin
taking the sting away
trolls don’t always hide
under bridges
Congratulations Laurie! And thank you , Marion, for sharing your thoughts and insights as you chose the verse!
beginnings of a nest
still linger
Wow! You certainly spent some time with these verses Marion. Thank you for a thoughtful and thorough explanation on your take.
Thank you for touching mine.
Congratulations Laurie.
I for one enjoyed the last session with such diverse blossom verses.
after flowers wither
seeds emerge
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
flavour of the week
her dating habits
4/08/2021 by wendy © bialek
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
he knelt down
say his love
Nani Mariani
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
Big Congratulations, dear Laurie !!
*****
Dear Sir John ..,
Your review has been extraordinary .. I learned a lot here. Thank you very much…
Thank you, Radhamani. I am pleased you found it beneficial.
marion
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
first butterflies
then hummingmoths
4/08/2021 by wendy © bialek
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
nude of knowledge
of the heart’s picking
4/08/2021 by wendy © bialek
after blossoms fade
the true test begins
never
when you are in love
the last petals fall
on the passing boxcar
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
the jury not sipping
the kool-aid
4/08/2021 by wendy © bialek
A few more (a slow day, otherwise):
this fledgling free to feed
from my open hand
home from school
I hug them one by one
wind strips the petals
as the fruit begins to form
I really should not have stayed
for her cheesecake
I’m a little late to the party but can’t resist. . .
****
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
Laurie Greer
****
the bitter taste
of regret
****
the long legs
of morning shadows
****
morning train wreck
missed by minutes
****
exclamation marks
fill her diary
****
opening shots at the capping lines to
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
——– > >
rush-hour hushed by tiny cries
from the baby in the bag
—
blossom time
crossed off the bucket list
—
her father holds his shotgun
as we settle on a date
—
my heart a whirl
my head cries vortex
marion….a very thorough and sensitive study of the offerings, a lovely journey through the blossoms, highlighting the most beautiful pickings!
laurie, congrats for your vivid, wild cherry opener! this starts all the drama to follow:
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
her residual
coked up bruises
4/08/2021 by wendy © bialek
wild cherry
when is it too late
to run away
.
Laurie Greer
*
her residual to his
coked up bruises
4/08/2021 by wendy © bialek
Thank you, Wendy. I’m pleased you enjoyed the journey.
marion
Wow, Marion–thank you for this! I loved following your train of thought, and was absolutely stunned to find myself at the end of it! Wonderful comments on all you considered. John, I won’t run away from this challenge–delighted to choose the capping verse. Can’t wait to read everyone’s offerings!
Great! Thank you, Laurie.
It was a pleasure, Laurie. I really enjoyed reading and considering all the entries and I hope you find the experience as much fun!
marion
Dear Marian Clarke,
Greetings. Thank you so much for your insightful comments and reports,
so rewarding; taking us a step further in our learning process and
educative too.
Thank you John, for this regular, featuring so many talents and gifts,
so educative for all of us.