The Renku Sessions: Side Show – Week 8
Hello, Everyone:
Wow! Another good week of bumper crop verses. I’m impressed with the imaginative ways you were able to link to John’s verse which gave you precious little to link to. Especially since John’s verse linked to Lorin’s with the word “dance.” I was concerned that links to dance in this verse might become a circular cul de sac. For example, any reference to “waltz” in this verse would hark back to “Strauss” in Lorin’s verse. So verses with links to “dance” had to survive a test against the Strauss reference in verse 5. Even with that linking challenge, I found 53 verses to consider for this next verse. And here they are::
cooking her
platanos and frijoles
for breakfast
Dan Campbell
she takes
the lovely form
of a shifting sandbar
a dragon tattoo
prowls
beneath her silk kimono
on and on
wasabi love
on and
Jonathan Alderfer
she blows a kiss
past airport security
as he deploys
not letting on
his aversion to
flannel sheets
Chris Patchel
our names
on the land deed where we live
for seventy years
for seventy years<
they slept side by side, but now
it’s forever
after his death
the insurance policy
made me rich
John Daleiden
he knows the way
to my heart
is in the Insta’pot
Diana Ming Jeong
going this way
then that
with their hyphenated names
recording
our kitchen routine<
on a recipe card
labanotation<
for our turns
around the kitchen
keeping their vows
sharp
with daily practice
letting our love<
lead us
where it will
holding on
to each other
in a debatable world
coming home to the one
who never steps
on my toes
their two hands together
the perfect size<
for the baby’s kick
holding their church wedding
deep
in the woods
the old two-step
of marrying in haste and
falling in love at leisure
Laurie Greer
another
gin & tonic & now
separate beds
patient zero
flirting with death
and his nurse
Betty Shropshire
despite a big
wedding in public
vows in private
Richard Straw
Grandma still misses
the young man
who never came home
Tracy Davidson
our new
sleep number bed.
set to sixty-nine
informing the waiter
that we’ll have what
she’s having
Michael Henry Lee
he buys a metal detector
to find the ring
lost on the beach
the wedding
at sweetheart motel
no one thought would last
preventing her from tripping
he almost trips
down the chapel stairs
my husband’s curry
always a little different
than the night before
madeleine kavanagh
together in
our infusion center
yet again
the golf tournament
interrupting the final
scene; no fade-away
night after night
under one cover
a synchronous dream for two
night after night
under one cover
sepia dreams for two
Pamela Garry
against a quaking aspen<
i kiss her
for the first time
two space station astronauts
don’t mind the delay
or the zero gravity
halfway through
his descent into madness
she lowers a rope
Rob Barkan
still cheek to cheek
as the spring in our steps
revived by compression socks
safely packed face down
hula doll brings
the honeymoon home
Wendy C. Bialek
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
I will as long
as you can
stand by me
Clysta Seney
he always
offers me a hand
with the high curbs
Eavonka Ettinger
in the attic
she places her portrait
next to Dorian’s
Marion Clarke
day after day
the honeymooners in bed
with Covid
Alison Woolpert
at marriage guidance
its one step forward
two steps back
teardrops flow
now you no longer
remember who I am
Carol Jones
in tango hold
I pull away
needing some space
Melissa Dennison
my dear husband
didn’t last long
after the wedding
they called me<
the black widow
after my third husband died
Pauline O’Carolan
years and years
later
still holding hands
years
and years later
grabbing his hand
Nancy Brady
admiring how
even her big toe
is tiny
meeting my daughter
for the first time
I sound like the one newly born
M R Defibaugh
Of these I chose ten to consider for the final verse:
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
she blows a kiss
past airport security
as he deploys
Chris Patchel
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
he knows the way
to my heart
is in the Insta’pot
Diana Ming Jeong
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
their two hands together
the perfect size
for the baby’s kick
Laurie Greer
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
patient zero
flirting with death
and his nurse
Betty Shropshire
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
Grandma still misses
the young man
who never came home
Tracy Davidson
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
the wedding
at sweetheart motel
no one thought would last
madeleine Kavanagh
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
against a quaking aspen
i kiss her
for the first time
Rob Barkan
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
Clysta Seney
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
they called me
the black widow
after my third husband died
Pauline O’Carolan
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
meeting my daughter
for the first time
I sound like the one newly born
M R Defibaugh
And then it was down to these two:
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
she blows a kiss
past airport security
as he deploys
Chris Patchel
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
Clysta Seney
If you were here, I would ask for your help deciding. I see both of these as equally strong and interesting, one up-beat, one down-beat. The renku could move either way. My final choice is Clysta’s — her verse reads like a direct answer to the question in John’s verse without using the word “answer” or any other word for a vocalization avoiding the possible throwback to “spake.” Clysta’s verse does link to John’s through the word “dance” with her use of the word “swing,” but her meaning of “swing” is not the dance but rather a throwing motion and so it does not take us back to Strauss and his waltz.
With that our renku thus far is:
Side Show
the moon joins
a juggler’s side show
harvest festival
Wendy C. Bialek
a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight
Jonathan Alderfer
drifting leaves
pile up at the lock gates
on the old canal
Andrew Shimield
an inuksuk points the way
to the next adventure
Carol Jones
Earthrise
to the tune of Strauss’s ‘Thus
spake Zarathustra’
Lorin Ford
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
Clysta Seney
And now here are your instructions for verse eight:
- a two-line summer or winter verse, the two lines should flow syntactically;
- link to verse seven in some fashion;
- the door is open for all topics: war, politics, death, or any wild or bizarre subjects (in this section of the renku the party gets going full steam — arguments, clowning, tears, all happen here);
- for the rest of the renku, please avoid any subjects related to festivals or circuses, carnival acts, moons, etc.; also avoid mention of vehicles for the next six verses, avoid mention of dancing or performance art for the next five verses; avoid mention of art, music, photography, religion, and planets for the next four verses; avoid mention of stones, directions, or cairns for the next three verses; avoid mention of entrances, water, vegetation, or the first person singular for the next two verses; avoid any mention of insects, light, color, or trajectories for the next verse;
- submit your verses by midnight PDT Tuesday, July 9.
To the Americans I wish you a Happy Fourth of July. I thank you all for your submissions and active participation this week. I wish you good writing in the coming week — and good healing and tranquility for John.
— Patricia
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
Comments (355)
Comments are closed.
Clysta your verse jumped off the computer when I read it…so terrific! And so, I was excited when Patricia picked it!!
What a ride this has been…my first online renku…and I’m learning so much, Thank you all. Mimi
Here are a few sparked by Clysta verse:
passing tasseling corn
by the roadside stand
the early birds rev up
their heat warning
the traffic court AC
on the fritz again
the traffic court flag
hangs limp in the heat
in sweltering heat
she repeats the oath
:)
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
requesting a letup, she
mounts her horse with help
farmhands load the horse drawn
wagon with hay bales
wholeheartedly she joins the
protest and tosses her bra
obligated to aid
folk who are homeless
dedicated to clear snow
from mountain pass roads
:)
more than half of nana’s quilt
covering her rescue dogs
:)
9/10’s of nana’s quilt
goes to her rescue dogs
fawn at the forest’s edge
a nibble here, a nibble there
:)
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
compelled to be like neighbors,
townsfolk shovel sidewalk snow
on a backyard swing the child
soars to Beyond Beyond
the Schwinn bicycle locked
in a cold, winter garage
in the summer kitchen
two helmets gather dust
allegiance to tradition,
they hang blinking christmas lights
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
feeling fully fulfilled
he fell to his death
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
next-gen view
dyed in the head-wrap
in an attempt to suggest summer:
next-gen view
sun dyed in the head-wrap
:)
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
— Clysta Seney
avoiding the curve
‘ball!’ declares the ump
(inspired by Princess k’s softball verse!)
Love it Pamela!
Yay!
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
dedicated to land
conservation, she tracks rain
loyal to ending earth
pollution, they urge clean-ups
dedicated to Truth,
they crusade for freedom
with conviction the couple
trace their lineage t0 Moses
dedicated to end school
shootings, citizens march
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
.
Clysta Seney
.
.
tossing softballs
to the leader of the free world
.
a summer cold
and other ways to explain a bad night
.
an ice cream cone to beat the heat
and medicare too
.
a whiff of flop sweat
from the debate podium
.
oh say can you see
publius goes commando
.
Very wonderful verses, princess k and I agree with Pamela on “the tossing softballs” poem!:)
making a wish
he throws a coin into the fountain
wasps protect
a rotting peach on the ground
stung by her comments
he recoils into his shell
maple wings drop
on her rocky road cone
cherry pit swallowed
with a bump in the road
the smell of neopolitan
street food fills the air
breathing the carbon footprint
of an ice cream truck
tears fall to the tune
of a passing ice cream truck
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
“swing low sweet chariot,”
on this final horse track turn
wheeling the ice covered
bicycle to a garage
with gusto she shifts her
summer haiku to winter
the open air jeep ensures
a brisk, snowy ride
passage through road potholes
is a measure of success
Hello Everyone! I’m back from the long weekend! I hope everyone is doing well! 💐
Patricia, thank you again for including me on the long list and the short list! ☺️ I am happy you enjoyed mine.
Congratulations to Clysta! This is a lovely verse and the perfect link back to the previous verse with your answer. 🛵
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
Clysta Seney
beach playground
too hot to touch
fast lips
on a slow day
her smile is caught
in a slice of watermelon
Diana Ming Jeong
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
streets thronged
with splooting squirrels
*
Thank you Laurie, “sploot” is a new verb for me. I had to look it up.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
learning to sploot
with the best of them
I’d not heard of the word, “sploot”. A little focused googling confirmed that it is most likely to have been invented by an American radio broadcaster:
Lorin – Q “who first used the word ‘sploot’?” A ” slang dictionary, 2021″
https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/sploot/
” Where does sploot come from?
Sploot is part of a growing lexicon of DoggoLingo, which uses cute, deliberate misspellings and onomatopoeias like mlem, blep, smol, borf, and heckin to fawn over man’s best friend online—and the many, many pictures and videos we post of them.”
While the exact origins of sploot are unclear, lexicographer Grant Barrett of the A Way with Words radio show has suggested that the term sploot may riff on the word splat to characterize the splat-like (flat, spread-out) appearance of a sploot pose. This wordplay mirrors other changes made to existing words in DoggoLingo, like the substitution of chonky for chunky.” https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/sploot/
and : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Way_with_Words
“Prior to the popularity of DoggoLingo, sploot had occasionally been used as a slang term for … messy, wet bodily functions or excretions.”
Yep. To me ‘sploot’ something black & white & yucky, like ‘spit’, ‘ phlegm’ or ‘sputum’.
(Sorry, Laurie, but that’s where the research lead me.)
*
police find the unlicensed
fugitives in a snowdrift
*
crews place nets over beds
at the fire shelter
*
determined to finish her run
before the first flakes fall
a limestone cleft
surrounded by cooling cows
out of a cold train tunnel
two burning hot rails
out of a cool train tunnel
two burning hot rails
out of a cool tunnel
two sizzling rails
plenty of balm packed
for her lip-syncing trail
a pair of matching
shades for her dog
adding more cooks
to the soup kitchen
after the day camp ballgame
cupped hands fill at the well
oops no balls!
after the day camp hike
cupped hands fill at the well
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
equivocating, she shifts
gears and joins the women’s league
blinded in bright winter sun
she steers to a shoulder stop
the steers ignore heifers
in the pasture
at winter campgrounds
scents of axel grease and oil
sweltering in summer heat,
she scents half-burned gasoline
pothole waiting
to swallow her tire
and for all you visual haiku fans:
pothole waiting
to swall w her tire
o
pothole
go bles her tire
typo correction:
pothole
g bbles her tire
love it……so fun, rob!
thanks wendy i never tire of writing these
Lol, Rob and Wendy…brightens our day! … Love the haiku visuals, Rob!
We do tire of having to change our bike tyres. (So much for our “common language”, again)
i love doing it too!
the possibilities are endless
when i do it in photoshop.
Pretty wonderful, Wendy!
cooling fresh nectar
in the fridge
flutters up & down
where her feeder hung
peeling thighs off
plastic patio chairs
even the kissing gouramis
(in their bowl) have headaches
somewhere in this avalanche
a leather glove
a leather glove
somewhere in this avalanche
midday finding fingers
in the unread chapter
so cold she couldn’t stick
around for the answer
awake to fingers
inthenarrowroadtorenku
Wendy, I especially love “peeling thighs off…”
thanks, pamela….pretty, sure i’m not the only one who has experienced this.
the stillness of the house
after the winter party
after the typhoon
the forest pine rests easy
~ ~ ~
after the typhoon
the pine trees breathe easy
~ ~ ~
the trees link up with mycorrhizae before
the calm before the storm
~ ~ ~
the trees link mycorrhizae
during the calm before the storm
~ ~ ~
smooth sailing for the quail
who escaped the prince’s palate
~ ~ ~
the stillness
of the pines after the storm
mycorrihizae trail through the pines
before the storm
before the storm
strands of mycorrihizae trail through the pines
the stillness of the pines
before the storm
in the streets of Naples,
refreshing ice cold beer
Melissa Dennison, how are the last 2 haiku linked to verse 7, I swing onto / his Vespa / fully committed?
Not to speak for Melissa, but I would think the link is Italy – the Vespa is an Italian motor scooter, Naples is a city in Italy.
John and Melissa, forgive me for barging in. I’m thinking that Melissa is linking “street” as that would be what the vespa is scooting on… John, I found myself a little lost at first too.
John, I should have just said that “street” would be implied in Clysta’s verse in my way of thinking. Patricia would you be able to lend us a hand here?
It’s a stretch but I think it links.
Sounds good!
vanilla ice cream melts
on Brighton pier
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
the judge reverses rulings
of a lower court
overturning the Judge’s
decision, appeals court rules
she swings in the winter shade
of the bare apple tree
abandoning pasture hills,
they buy Saguaro land
keyboard late winter wish
for snow snow snows now
.
after july infernos
a scorch of alive hills
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
no time to be homesick
with day camp’s packed schedule
*
the cat’s zoomies at a halt
in the heat wave
*
Interesting, Laurie. I hadn’t come across the word ‘zoomies’ before, so I googled around a bit. It’s in several online dictionaries and it seems to have originated in USA drag racing :
” I don’t know who gave them the name but the first use I remember reading about was in late 1964. They were built for a different guy’s dragster but they wound up on Frank Cannon’s Hustler V.
Back in those days Popular Hot Rodding often scooped Hot Rod Magazine with the latest innovations and they had a feature on the Hustler V when it broke 200 with zoomies.”
https://www.jalopyjournal.com/forum/threads/who-coined-the-term-zoomies-and-when.1117918/
(scrolling down is needed)
Somewhere on that there is the USA word ‘jalopy’, too, which I recall from reading ‘Archie’ comics long ago in the ’50s !
Hi, Lorin–around here among cat people we know exactly what “zoomies” are: that rush of feline adrenaline that sends them lurching around like maniacs. Often it’s related to their metabolic activities. Interesting origin story, thanks for that!
Yeah, I’ve had cats all my life and seen that manic play. Just wasn’t familiar with the word “zoomies”.
(I do believe cats have a wicked sense of humour.)
Hi Madeleine, Glad to receive your prompt reply. Thank you for the suggestion, I do appreciate it.
I swing
onto his vespa
fully committed
—- Cylsta Seney
Coolness feels the air
Scarves and sweaters everywhere
Hi Nili, I am glad you saw it. 🙂 I love your verse above! I noticed that Wendy wrote a poem, just in case you didn’t see my reply:) . We are very happy you are here with us:)
hi Nili,
i enjoy all your offerings here. this new one, also, is a beauty!
your words are a pure joy to read.
i do have a question about this verse of yours, Nili Ghosh :
Coolness feels the air
Scarves and sweaters everywhere
in line # 1 do you mean “feels” as in touch against the skin
or ‘fills’ (taking up space) as we would say in…. ‘water fills a glass full’ ?
(either way it is still, lovely!)
Two other things i would like to add….
(1) unlike some poetry styles…in renku verse…we only use capitals if the word requires it……or if we are quoting from something that already has caps. (not to begin sentences)
(2) we try to keep the verse to one sentence that covers the two lines (or three lines) with exceptions, like in the first verse (hokku) of renku and other more casual exceptions.
Nili, i know it is a lot to take in….i am sure you will do very well with this new form, very quickly….which is somewhat different from what you are used to writing.
Welcome!!!!
Nili, re your
Coolness feels the air
Scarves and sweaters everywhere
In English, “coolness” (not being a living person or creature) can’t feel anything.
We can feel coolness, though, and I’m pretty sure this is what you mean: “the air feels cool” .
swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed – Clysta Seney
–
achieve goals
as high as the stars in the sky
Nani Mariani
swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed – Clysta Seney
–
memories come back
horse riding practice
—Nani Mariani
Nani, re your:
memories come back
horse riding practice —Nani Mariani
—
I think you need the preposition “of” ( or “concerning” or the like) because your first line is a sentence in itself. In an essay or report, it would begin with a capital M and end with a ‘full stop’ . ( …’period’ is also used, for some unknown-to-me reason. )
memories come back
of horse riding practice
memories come back
of my horse riding practice
(Both of the above would be correct)
—
Similarly, in your immediately previous post :
suddenly I realized
not wearing a bra
would be something like:
suddenly I realised
I wasn’t wearing a bra
suddenly I realized
not wearing a bra
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed – Clysta Seney
–
(a)
a tiny paper wasp
hovers around her nest
–
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed – Clysta Seney
–
things fall apart
on the ski run
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
determined to win the race,
they purchase snow chains
winter gear assures their
survival next season
shifting positions, she claims
“it’s my body, not his”
even in winter, word games
allow players to shift gears
I swing on
his Vespa
fully committed
Clysta Seney
•
(Maybe this version works better?)
election poll workers
arrive wearing ski masks
Both are delightful and pertinent Alison; not sure why, but I favor the ski masks. Good to see you here.
I swing on
his Vespa
fully committed
Clysta Seney
*
poll workers arrive disguised
as Santa and his elves
Day
Sunny summer day
Not a cloud in the sky
And the sun blinds my eyes
we only need two rays*
of summer sun
*rays=lines
हमें केवल दो किरणें चाहिए*
गर्मियों की धूप का
*किरणें=रेखाएँ
hamen keval do kiranen chaahie*
garmiyon kee dhoop ka
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
the ease with which
we shift gears
our marriage gets off
to a wobbly start
we only had two chances
for love on this back sheet
Wendy, This renku offering is a clever response to Dan’s love/marriage renku verse, a topic which could have been offered for verse 6 or 7 if I am counting right.
yes, you picked up on that, John!
I’m also trying to hint out…that we are actually no longer on the love topic of this sheet (paper) in renku….as it appears in the schema…in j.c. book nijuin 20 verse.
It’s hard to stop writing love verses though, lol! :)
Enjoying your verses Dan. :)
I must work on observing the no-go subjects! OK, no love reference in these!
the POTUS debate
off to a wobbly start
the POTUS tries to downshift
to a lower gear
the landslide in Trump’s mirror
is closer than it appears
Joe’s aviator glasses
screen out the no-good son
a poet undresses me
with his one good eye
This one will hopefully bring a smile to John Stevenson as he recuperates!
summer cold v snake oil
———for 4 years———
Lol! :)
an old TV cowboy sings
Back in the Saddle Again
wishing for a ball
and a whip that cracks
These rather sadomasochistic lyrics are from the Christmas song Up on the Housetop. I hope that this allusion satisfies the “winter reference” in this week’s party.
getting the hang of
this new hip replacement
just warming up to
this new hip replacement
Hope you are doing well, Wendy! :)
LOL!
Madeleine….
i tried to write this in response to Dan’s “gear” above but it’s not
going where i posted it.
it does not represent my actual physical condition…
but thanks for your concern
ref. the difference between haiku and senryu,
Sounds good Wendy! :)
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
“look, Ma, no hands,” she says
as she bicycles the path
abandoning snow, they
adopt winter desert life
the judge reverses rulings
of a lower court
she signs asylum papers
to detain herself for life
it’s not cake
on the welcome home hooked rug
sleepy house guests
some with boot prints
late guest snow prints
on the rooming house hooked rug
sooner or later the sound
of tapping….in….a mezuzah
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
the dog in a backpack
as the dog days settle in
*
nonprofit calendars
arrive with the dog days
*
flipping a hot penny
to pick the next candidate
*
heat becomes the litmus
for choosing a candidate
*
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
rubbing alcohol on
the cats paw pads to cool her
*
how summer brings on
the urge to hibernate
*
Laurie,
For me, it is just the opposite season for hibernation.
Now for some verses:
tuning up
the snowblower
turning up
the thermostat
fans positioned
by the windows
Delightful…love the word play, Nan. :)
Nancy….not everyone feels it……i am sensitive to both!
there is hibernation behavior for both winter and summer:
it is called. ‘estivation’
a summer dormancy, that is, long-term torpor during summer for survival of hot and dry periods.
Wendy,
I understand that. To me, that’s taking an afternoon nap because I can’t keep my eyes open any longer when it gets too warm. I didn’t realize estivation affected humans; I just attributed it to laziness or sloth. The things we learn from writing haiku and renku.
yes, many animals experience this….some that are mammals….
it is my belief that if the same physiological/cell chemistry exists along with certain environmental factors….humans are not immune to it.
Nancy,
i don’t hold an MD degree….if you are feeling this way…
please r/o medical possibilities first!
a robin walks off the berry juice
as temperatures rise
Congratulations on this clever and evocative verse!
.
I swing
onto his Vespa
fully committed – Clysta Seney
.
summer heatwaves
rise from Trevi Fountain
.
speeding into turns
blind to the black ice
.
no refund for the last seat
behind a Nutcracker
.
avalanche triggered
by an out of tune tour bus
Arriving late th the Week 8 party and misreading the verse criteria, there are changes to be made.
.
Re, no vehicles; Question for Patricia: Am I mistaken that mentioning a tour bus is disqualifying? Is this a rule particular to this version/genre of renku? If so, how does this no-no come about? Please confirm if the answer is just because the renku style forbids. Anyway, here is an edit:
.
avalanche triggered
by a driving downburst
.
Second, trajectory is tricky. Assuming the phrase, “speeding into turns” is verboten?
,
How about
.
blind to black ice
riders find results off putting
(Pleeze don’t say ‘off putting” is trajectory. hehe)
Hi, Jackie–I had to chuckle when I read about the possibility of “off putting” being a trajectory. I can assure you, it is not even remotely :)
Yes, a tour bus is too close to a Vespa This is a renku rule to keep us from repeating the same things over and over. The restriction is for the next six verses. The renku tries to encompass the entire universe of existence so these rules of things to avoid stretches our imaginations. I like your rewrite of the avalanche verse and thanks for bringing avalanche into the possible verses!
Re: “speeding into turns”–I guess by the second definition of trajectory “speeding into turns” might fall under the prohibition, but what I was really concerned about avoiding was anything that fell under the first definition which is the path of celestial bodies or missiles or reentry vehicles. We are five verses out from verse two; in one more verse the prohibition goes away. So if your “black ice” verse stood out as the best choice, I would ignore the rules. After all, the rules are meant to help make a better poem. If they get in the way, then they should be ignored. I do like the subject of “black ice.”
Patricia,
i also like Jackie’s black ice verse, but
i was avoiding anything with black ice….because ‘black’ goes under ‘colour’…..is there something i am not seeing hear?
here ?
Hi Patricia…quick question about “avalanche”. I’ve understood it to be a mid Spring season word (http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html#SPRING–THE%20SEASON)* so would it be appropriate here or are we just winging it with seasonality? Probably should’ve asked early on if we were adhering to any saijiki.
Betty
* the website link is old and doesn’t use https but it’s a bookmark that I’ve kept and utilized since I first encountered renku here under John’s tutelage as the sabaki.
Betty, ‘Renku Home’ is still available and useful. Good that you’ve mentioned it, as not everyone here might be aware of it.
All I do is google Renku Home and it comes up:
http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/index.html
From that url, anyone can scroll down to the header ‘ Resources for Renku Writers’ and find:
The 500 Essential Season Words: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html
The Traditional Seasons of Japanese Poetry: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/seasons.html
LINK AND SHIFT
A Practical Guide to Renku Composition: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/Link_Shift.html
and, useful for this renku ( a twenty-stanza nijûin) :
Shorter Renku by William J. Higginson and Tadashi Kondô. This essay presents the basics of two shorter types of renku, the twenty-stanza nijûin and the twelve-stanza jûnicho. . . .
http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/shorter_renku.html
(We are currently doing a nijûin)
There is a graph showing what to expect for the next verse, for instance, we started with Wendy’s ‘autumn moon’ verse, proceeded through 2 more autumn verses, 2 no season/all seasons verses, 2 ‘love’ verses and then there’s one ‘non seasonal, all seasons verse and, from that, to 2 seasonal verses which will be either summer or winter (Patricia, as sabaki, chooses which and lets us all know)
‘Renku Home’ should be helpful for all participants to stay on the same page, I think.
Link to previous verse: good. Link to verse before the previous verse: bad. :-)
Link and Shift: A Practical Guide to Renku Composition by Tadashi Shôkan Kondô and William J. Higginson. The most thorough discussion of linking stanzas and creating variety by shifting stanza content in renku to appear in English. Includes translations of topics lists used by Japanese renku groups (see table of contents in the article).
NEW: Ideal Order of the Seasons in a Kasen Renku by William J. Higginson presents an ideal progression of the seasons and locations for love verses in a kasen (36-stanza) renku, as determined by comparing similar charts on these ideals from three different Japanese authorities. Also, the notes take up the range of variation within and from this model that may be very productive in renku composition.
Shorter Renku by William J. Higginson and Tadashi Kondô. This essay presents the basics of two shorter types of renku, the twenty-stanza nijûin and the twelve-stanza jûnicho.
Hi Betty,
this is wendy here….i see ‘avalanche’ listed in spring kigo.
but also want to add…that it can also be used as a non-kigo word…..such as: an avalanche of papers.
(not to suggest that it is used this way in Jackie’s verse.)
important to note…. as to Lorin’s links just posted (as it applies to position of verses) on the schema for this…(Patricia’s run), renku….Higginson’s nijûin schema is not entirely consistent with what it appears Patricia’s format is following.
i am using the J. Carley’s version….and it is working fine for me, here.
Still all the links are great to have! but to use only…when they apply to the sabaki’s chosen format.
Otherwise, an invaluable source of free info. i keep handy on my bookmark shelf all the time….lots of good info about renku/kigo etc…from time-to time keeps updating!
“important to note…. as to Lorin’s links just posted (as it applies to position of verses) on the schema for this…(Patricia’s run), renku….Higginson’s nijûin schema is not entirely consistent with what it appears Patricia’s format is following. ” – – Wendy C. Bialek
i am using the J. Carley’s version….and it is working fine for me, here.” – Wendy C. Bialek
–
Wendy, as far as I can see, Patricia’s format (to date in this renku) is precisely the same as Higginson’s schema.
I think you should look again and confirm this. JEC’s & Higginson’s nijûin schemas are not exactly the same, but close, and both schemas are good guides.
–
“Higginson’s nijûin schema is not entirely consistent with what it appears Patricia’s format is following.” – Wendy C. Bialek
See below, Wendy: Patricia’s format is precisely the same as Higginson’s:
.
Side Show
the moon joins
a juggler’s side show
harvest festival (au/moon)
—
a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight (au)
—
drifting leaves
pile up at the lock gates
on the old canal (au)
—
an inuksuk points the way
to the next adventure (ns)
—
Earthrise
to the tune of Strauss’s ‘Thus
spake Zarathustra’ (ns)
—
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life? (love)
—
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed (love)
—
next – (ns)
———————————————-
“i am using the J. Carley’s version….and it is working fine for me, here.” – Wendy C. Bialek
The late (and much-missed) JEC has the Ninjuin schema beginning as:
(hokku) – au. /moon
wakiku- au
diason – au/ moon
…
In his schema he has two possible places for the autumn moon verse: the hokku or the diasan. It doesn’t mean there are two moons in the first part.
You can check all this, Wendy, as you obviously have acquired JECs “Renku Reckoner’. (go to page 46)
Looks to me like you’ve got a bit tangled up. :-)
BTW, it was the much-missed JEC who introduced me to renku. He was brilliant and had a great sense of humour.
Meanwhile, we follow our sabaki’s (Patricia’s) directions, to the best of our abilities.
a playground dreams
of laughter and cries
the sound of an avalanche
after his sneeze
scooting for shade
every lizard in the yard
sudden rain
sizzles the driveway
or:
every lizard in the yard
scooting for shade
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed – Clysta Seney
–
the dedication
of a paper wasp queen
–
True story: I watched this tiny insect bringing food and water to her honeycomb-like nest throughout the scorching days of Summer, opened the gate carefully while she hovered. I don’t know if any of her little ones survived. In the end, there was just a sagging, empty nest.
[ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paper_wasp ]
Lorin, such a gift to be able to watch this fascinating insect caring for her brood. I hope her little ones did survive. Thank you for the link. I enjoyed reading about the different varieties…the paper and umbrella wasps. I found the video clip to be quite intriguing. :)
…Lorin, I wanted to say that your haiku above is very lovely.
Thanks, Madeleine … :-) Considering how cold and rainy it is here …Melbourne,Victoria, Australia… recalling summer is a pleasant thing for me.
I am glad to hear that, Lorin… a wise thing to do . :) When it’s my time to go through the winter, I will remember that.
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
my icy fingers pull up
the stick in the cockpit
we purchase a space ride berth
on a future launch
with resolution they join
the firefighters corps
Congratulations, Clysta!
…
it’s standing room only
in the hot courtroom
…
street-racing teens
are skidding on thin ice
…
sweating on the outcome
of his trial
…
bones broken slipping on ice
no impediment
…
chocolate gelato drips
onto the sand
Thank yoy Pauline. I love the variety of your links. Tonight the chocolate gelatto stays with me. ;-)
plastic reindeer
dangling over the roof
~ ~ ~
santa puts his hat
back on after he loses it
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
——-Clysta Seney
.
sun, sleet, and snow
all in one day
.
heat from a cherry log
that dried in the summer sun
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed – Clysta Seney
–
the bike swerves ’round a WASP
demonstration
–
( I couldn’t resist. :-) )
Just in case anyone is unfamiliar with WASP – It’s short for ‘White Anglo-Saxon Protestants’. And “vespa” is Italian for wasp.
Just wondering Lorin, is the demonstration for wasps or against them?
Hoping it’s for them. :)
:-) thanks for commenting, Madeleine. I like your humour. :-)
I imagine that a WASP demonstration would be by WASP demonstrators, and therefore for WASPS and against non-WASPS.
Got it, Lorin…the small percentage in the group that makes it difficult for everyone.
I like your sense of humor, too! :)
Lorin, hope the weather is warming for you in Melbourne, or will be soon :) :)
* Lorin, I mean warmer! :)
after reading Dan’s precious verse:
so many castles
made of sand
Dan Campbell
i recalled teachings from psych. training classes
and placed them into these images:
caution the sand castle dwellers
and behold their landlord
” . . . psych. training classes. . . ” – Wendy
Wendy, would that be training in psychology, psychiatry or perhaps in the psychic arts?
Lorin,
my educational background in psychology is multifaceted:
non-medical, Gestalt Psychology as it applies
to human, adult/child and prebirth and animal minds and applications with the arts and art therapies.
oooh! :-) That outline takes me back to some of the episodes of ‘Absolutely Fabulous’. (a BBC comedy)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absolutely_Fabulous
(don’t look it up if you’re likely to be offended by the outrageous , because it was outrageous (as well as hilarious)
thanks, lorin….i will search it to see if it comes here. and check it out.
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
we step to the ice cream
wagon and buy cooling treats
your hamstring injury
permits no downhill skiing
staunch supporter of life
she changes parties
Your last verse John, is lovely and courageous!
Thank you madeleine. The marchers on either side have the real courage.
Yes, that is true.
aha!…madeleine….
i see the possibility of an unapplied /uncommitted statement here.
leaving the renku verse open-ended, as i believe this one of John’s is, (whether he wrote it intentionally or not) allows it to be interpreted in more ways than one. Thus, the shift/linking to it can be broader. i think of it as a double fish hook.
:) Yes, Wendy I feel that was what John was conveying in his last statement, a broader perspective, encouraging other views…which I find very inspiring and I agree with. I love your term, “the double fish hook” explaining the shift linking, which for me, is still a little challenging.
Wendy, even though the shift/linking can sometimes be elusive, it is still a joy to read and write. :)
“Thus, the shift/linking to it can be broader.” – Wendy
(to Wendy) ” I love your term, “the double fish hook” explaining the shift linking, . . .” – Madeleine
What is “shift/linking”, Wendy and Madeleine? That’s a new term for me, so I’d be grateful to be informed.
I understand the basic rule of linking …in one way or another… to the immediately previous verse and I understand the rule that we must completely shift away from the verse that’s before the previous verse.
(The current verse ( tsukeku ) , must not jump over the immediately previous verse
( maeku ) to the realm of the verse before that ( uchikoshi)
Lorin, I am still somewhat in the dark about this link and shift principle …so I googled it. It’s really just how you described it, this is what I read: “…the core principle of renku is “link and shift”. ‘Link’ signifies that each verse links somehow to its predecessor and “shift”, by contrast, means that each new verse must shift away from the previous-but-one verse, and have nothing in common with it…” I am trying to wrap my brain around the three terms at the bottom, tsukeku, maeku, especially uchikoshi. Lol!
no fOOd for the pOOr
on the snowy mOOr
I love the pattern poetry Rob, and its theme.
thank you!
there’s more. lOOk closer.
Will do, lol :)
?
the snowy noon mOOr
fOOd for the pOOr
or better yet:
fOOd for the pOOr
the snowy noon mOOr
Very fun and clever Rob. I admire problems that offer solutions.
fOOd for the pOOr
the snowy noon mOOr
Very fun and clever Rob. I admire problems that offer solutions.
having trouble getting this to reply to Rob ?
fOOd for the pOOr
the snowy noon mOOr
Very fun and clever Rob. I admire problems that offer solutions.
Thought your response was fun too and a clever play on words, Clysta! :)
thank you for providing food
for the poor, clysta, very kind
of you!
now all this reminds me of:
the rain in spain
falls mainly on the plain
(alan jay lerner)
guess the link. it’s visual.
Is it the two large headlights on the motorcycle and or the large eyes of the actual wasp (compared to the size of its body)? … Or the “o” at the front of “onto” and the “o” at the end…lots of fun, Rob…lol!
very close madeleine! but a vespa has a
single headlight and wasp eyes is
very good.
OO is the vespa tires, my visual link.
but you discovered another
amazing visual! so i uppercased the t:
onTo
what does that look like?
a vespa! tires, seat, and handlebars!
https://uscoots.com/products/vespa-gts-300-cc
Lol, Rob. Thank you for the wonderful images. I was able to see it quite clearly…of course the tires! Very clever! :)
onTo….that is brilliant, Rob! I am so impressed…It does look like “…a vespa! tires, seat, and handlebars”!
:) :) :)
dang, I was hoping you could tell me what amazing food appeared at noon on the moors … a hawk fly-in dropping chickens freed from neighboring farms …. i had a restless night, we broke a 76 year old heat record and more than half the homes in our town (including ours) have no A/C. Glad to play remote word games with Rob B. like Lerner did with GBS. thx for the visual explanation, very creative and beyond my reach. love what I get to experience here at THF.
very clever Rob!
the man lifts his little girl
into the balmy breeze
her father lifts her high
into the balmy breeze
stews simmering
for the homeless in from the cold
:)
I appreciate all the wonderful Renku education happening here. I hope it is acceptable to ask a question about the previous verse. It is so close to the famous lyrics https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/13707849/Anne+Murray/Could+I+Have+This+Dance. What do you think of the option of changing May to Could and putting it in quotes.?
Hi, Pamela–It’s lovely that John’s verse is suggestive of the Anne Murray lyric, but making it an exact quote would move it too close to Lorin’s verse which has a song title in it which is also in quotes. Thank you for the suggestion though-I do appreciate it.
Thank you Patricia! I appreciate your expertise and kindness.
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
the blur of horizontal snow
blinding us
the ping of pelting rain
welcomed in the swelter
oh Pamela, you could ask any ?’s your big heart wants….with these wonderful pair of gems left above!!!!!
Thank you Wendy! Very comforting.
Pamela, I concur with Wendy. :) I would like to add that I don’t think there is anything to worry about as our renku is under Patricia’s wise guidance. Great minds think alike… I quoted a jingle for a pizza in a haiku last year without realizing it.
leaving a cliff hanger
with a pizza jingle
LOL! madeleine…share with us the words to your pizzaku jingle
or i will big D, die!
Well said as always, Madeleine!
Awww Wendy and Pamela….thanks! :) I have to give this some thought Wendy, as it was accepted. Lol!
Love your response haiku, Wendy….hilarious. Lol! Your interest is touching. 🙂 After I saw my haiku published, I got a funny feeling and looked up the phrase and sure enough there it was. I hadn’t heard of the pizza before and the company was located in a remote area of the country, to me at least. I consulted a loved one who had my best interest at heart and they advised me to leave it alone. A lot was going on at the time and so I did–now that I think of it, I would have felt better about the whole thing, had I contacted the editor.🙂
Pamela, your wonderful comment meant a lot to me.
I wanted to say that I find your words always encouraging and inspiring.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
dog-sled zooming
by on a frozen lake
you’ll never see poodles
pulling a dog-sled
huskie heroes
huddled by the igloo
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
sidelined for a summer week
with hamsting injury
engaged in conservation
she rations drinking water
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
——-Clysta Seney
.
an earthworm attempts
to cross the highway
.
Holsteins chew the scenery
behind the drive-in
.
at the campsite
she realizes her mistake
.
in retrospect nobody really
knew him
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
she leans into the shadows
the summer porch eaves cast
not hesitating, they board
Titanic Submersival
with no hesitation they
board the submersival
with a leg up they climb
aboard the renku launch
setting sail on the newest
cruise ship launched
my hat flew off
i’ll leave it alone
—
his love letter
pink
—
walking together
long cold clothes
—
oh
time passes so quickly
—
once again
thank you darling
My hat flew off
I’ll leave it alone
—
his love letter
Pink
—
walking together
long cold clothes
—
Oh
time passes so quickly
—
once again
Thank you darling
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
so many castles
made of sand
smiling snowman holding
an empty liquor bottle
center fielder rolling
in the green green grass
so many castles
made of sand
Dan Campbell
so true! Dan C.
Thanks Wendy, it’s great to hear from you!
so hot the elevator fart
stays parked in the elevator
(with a nod to the late haiku poet, and editor….Adjei Agyei-Baah, one of the sweetest and selfless human beings i ever met online.)
other versions:
summer fart in the elevator
stays parked in the elevator
winter fart in the elevator
stalls the elevator
hot dog fart in the elevator
hot dog fart in the elevator
Too funny, Wendy! 😂
never mind stir crazy
once heatstroke takes effect
or:
never mind stir crazy
once heatstroke sets in
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
— Clysta Seney
sliding backwards
in the playground
unbalanced and stuck
on the high side of the seesaw
held captive
on the high side of the seesaw
Love this one, Pamela! :)
Such a pleasure to hear that, Madeleine!
:)
Pamela, your verse brings back memories. I have been in this situation, once or twice…I couldn’t help penning this verse, just for fun:
wait t’il mom
hears about this :)
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
they tackle dishes of cold
sherbet on the summer porch
their hot air balloon glides
over summer desert saguaros
their hot air balloon glides
over snow capped mountains
mint chocolate chip
or rainbow sherbet . . .
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
no will of her own
in the mesmerizing heat
*
robbed of her will
by the mesmerizing heat
*
thrown off balance by the
latest blast of heat
*
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
Clysta Seney
the beach ball floats
to and fro over the net
~ ~ ~
promising to stay
away from chocolate she only tastes one
~ ~ ~
the stationary bike
remains stationary
~ ~ ~
It slips her mind on day 14
to practice yoga
~ ~ ~
faithfully watching reruns
of “psyche” four years in a row
So fun Madeleine!
Thanks Pamela, I enjoyed writing them! :)
tank tops and flip flops
for managing the high temps
or
tank tops and flip flops
and the tang of lemonade
Could be an era thing, here, Betty. Your verse sure brings back some happy memories.
a huge billboard shouts
¡burning down the house!
oscillating fan can’t decide
which corner to cool
john d. inspired verses:
rainbows reflect off
their helmets
mayo easy on the helmets &
mustard squiggles picnic table
feelin’ silly
in the summer daze
Thank you Wendy The linking for this verse is difficult in light of the avoid list.
john d….You seem to be doing just fine….doesn’t appear you have exhausted options….but if it helps any, have you tried writing in the dark? LOL….Since ‘light’, too, is on the no-go list?
edited to:
mayo easy on the helmets &
mustard squiggles picnic tables
grabbing the shortest tank tops
for next week’s heatwave
you are really on a roll Wendy. LOL
LOL…and i didn’t even start my engine….yet!
last week it was over 100 degrees F.
so hot, used my tv remote
to turn off my computer
ooops! forgot, no first person, singular pronouns:
so hot, used the tv remote
to turn off a computer
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
on the kitchen table her
helmet beside fresh baked bread
dehydrated desert dwellers
running out of fumes
another snowplow
blocks the driveway
Or to avoid vehicles:
another snowbank
blocking the driveway
a rabbit caught
in the hunters snare
edit:
another rabbit caught
in the hunter’s snare
Hi,It was wonderful to go through all the haikus. Thank you. I’ve tried to write few lines on two topics.
Rooftop haikus:
Dusk
Multi coloured hues
Join zenith and horizon.
The sun, warmest red.
Night
No stars in the sky
Clouds shroud the heavens as far
As I cast my eyes.
Hi Nili, welcome to our Renku Sessions: Sideshow. We are very happy to have you here. Your verses are lovely… and full of wonder. Could you put them into two line verses and then separate each poem by a couple of line spaces? (If any one has any suggestions, please add. :)
Hi Madeleine, Good to hear from you. Thanks.
Dusk :
Multi coloured hues
Join zenith and horizon
Night :
No stars in the sky
As far as I cast my eyes
Good to hear from you too, Nili. :)
Hi Nili, you are doing great. I really like your two lined verses above. I’ve been wanting to offer you a little more information, as renku is challenging. This week we are doing two lined verse responses to Clysta’s poem which was chosen for this week’s renku, “….I swing on to his vespa…” and next week we will be doing a three lined verse response to the poem that will be chosen from this week’s verses. We go back and forth between 2 lined verses and 3 lined verses, which change each week. We respond to certain words and moods in each week’s chosen offering… Patricia writes about it in her explanation to Dan, to all of us below in the feed, which is an invaluable help. A book that might be helpful is “The Renku Reckoner, by John Carley ”. Patricia also gives us a list of what not to write about each week, above where our response verses appear at the top. Nili, there are a lot of rules regarding renku verse but it’s well worth it. :) I hope you continue to write renku verse with us!
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
too hamstrung by the heat
to watch birds from outside
*
hamstrung by the heat and
watching birds from inside
*
too hamstrung by back links
to make a proper offering
*
lol! Too hamstrung by back links!!!!
hurricane forecasts
all over the map
oops…guess this would fall under ‘trajectory’
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
ospreys coasting
on the long hot days
*
a nasty case of whiplash
eased by the hot sun
*
jays sputtering
through one more heat wave
*
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
.
Clysta Seney
.
Congrats Clysta – So easy to imagine your verse, well done!
.
Thanks Patricia – I just had a couple of questions in regards to your remarks.
.
“I’m impressed with the imaginative ways you were able to link to John’s verse which gave you precious little to link to. “
.
Since this verse was slated to be a love verse and the previous verse was a love verse, wouldn’t the only necessary link be that the verse is related to love?
.
“My final choice is Clysta’s — her verse reads like a direct answer to the question in John’s verse…”
.
It is my understanding that subsequent verses should be in juxtaposition to the preceding verse and not contribute to a narrative, which is what your commentary suggests to me?
thx, princess k. your ?s would not occur to me as I see any action following a forever dance as being a juxtaposition. i did get a book about juxtaposition in haiku but it was way over my head so I gave it to a library. perhaps the mystery will be unlocked for me here.
Hi, princess k–Good questions.
To your first: No, I don’t think the subject of love is adequate for linking two love verses. I still look for some link beyond love.
“It is my understanding that subsequent verses should be in juxtaposition to the preceding verse . . .”–princess k
To your second: I suppose a subsequent verse could be in juxtaposition to the preceding verse, but not necessarily. As you know, the love sequence always progresses from one verse to the next. This rule does build into every renku a hint of narrative even if the pronouns change. When the pronouns are the same, the narrative becomes more apparent–a feature that I kind of like. However, as you rightly point out, renku eschews narrative and so this dalliance with narrative should not progress beyond two verses.
Thanks Patricia.
again the swift cools off
behind a porch thermometer
(a swift is a type of small lizard)
just its front claws and tail pipe-
out the porch thermometer
Wendy,
A swift is a kind of bird, which also might hide behind a thermometer. I wasn’t aware that it is a lizard. What I learn reading verses here! Nan
PS. Have you noticed Otto has left me alone, at least so far?
hi Nan,
Glad you are back!
You are right a swift is a small bird….and it is also a casual name for these small lizard-like creatures that we have where i reside.
They are very fast runners, (thus the name)and are difficult to capture in photos… great ‘person’alities so i enjoy watching and writing about them.
where’s otto? ooooo, i think Patricia caught him!
zipping down the boardwalk
smells of crinkle-cut french fries
another broken horn
on the scorching savannah
trying to put the brakes
on climate change
too hot to wear leathers
in the domina’s dungeon
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed …… Clysta Seney
handlebar mustache
holds up the shades
I love this one, Wendy! :)
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed …… Clysta Seney
behind the frozen handlebar
mustache, old man winter
winter rain on the wheels
of justice until sunset
jury stands by rules
of law delivers before first sunset
I’m glad this verse was chosen. It was my favourite.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
+
fields of barley
ripen in the sun
*
fields of barley
bend with the wind
thx andrew
6
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
7
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
8
off to the wars
and the land of heroes
snow on the ground
over the mountain pass
late arrivals
are turned away at the campsite
a Christmas tree ornament
in the minutest detail
***************************************
packing two lawn chairs
for the drive-in theatre
a whopping 58 dogs
in the allotted 10 minutes
These are great, Michael!
Thank you, Madeleine!
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed …..Clysta Seney
liberty-crowned runners
linked by a bungee cord reach 15k
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
we ride beneath brilliant
July 4th firworks displays
winter cold fogs my face shield
on the grocery store run
cycling east at sunset
our shadows grow longer
Clysta, i loved this one, the first time i read it! The utter freshness of being receptive to the ‘spirit of the now’! Congrats to you and our renku welcomes its new verse with open arms, too!
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed –Clysta Seney
a rainbow reflection
on the rambling road’s shoulders
Patricia, you are so wonderfully, sharp and quick on your toes
‘our dancing sabaki’!
From picking out the best fitting verses
and acknowledging the subtleties of word
usages.
LOL! and learning that my attempt at ‘testing out the waters’
with ‘waltz’ had me falling into the uchikoshi rivers!
‘thought Lorin would be the first to call me out of
at my mea culpa!
Thank you, Patricia!
Patricia…Talking about ‘waters’….would you think
my ‘rainbow’ here, too close to them?
Wendy–I consider rain and rainbow to be atmospheric conditions, and lakes, rivers, and canals to be part of the landscape, wouldn’t you agree?
yes, from now on, to infinity!
thanks, Patricia!
Thank you Wendy.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
a captive
to wayward urges
Or trying to bring in season:
a captive in the swelter
to wayward urges
These verses make me smile, Pamela! :)
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
teetering on the brink
of extinction
teetering on the brink
of another ice age
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
we swim in the cool lake
after our bike ride
after parking
we ice skate hand in hand
freeloading little cuckoo
from another mother preens
Congratulations, Clysta, and Patricia, it’s an excellent choice in my view.
‘swing’ has many meanings, depending on context. In this case I imagine the driver driver is waiting on the bike, then she quickly swings a leg over and becomes a pillion passenger. And off they go.!
Bingo, Lorin. You are in my mind’s eye. And I have a new word: pillion. Thank you.
Congrats on a lovely verse, Clysta!
Thank you Betty. In my mind I see The Shropshire Lass.
I swing onto
his vespa
fuily committed
–Clysta Seney
we swim in the cool lake
water to cool off
across the lake
ice skating hand in hand
Clysta, conbratulations on you poem chosen for verse 7.
Particia, an excellent coice to link to the porevious veprse and yet move the renku forward.
Thank yu to the Haiku Foundation team who post the work making it possible for the renku to continue.
John Stevenson, I hope you are mending. May the get well wishes of the renku writers send you good vibrations.
Thanks John.
Sending good thoughts for John’s continued recovery. I am very appreciative that my verses are on this week’s opening list:)
they gulp hot dogs from the food court
shopping for July 4th
~ ~ ~
boiling corn dogs for breakfast
before the barbecue
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
finches nesting
in an old carousel
*
jays ready for anything
with a fresh set of feathers
*
Before i submit my verses i would like to offer my sincere thanks to Patricia for all her effort and in particular her work in acknowledging so many individual verses under consideration and
my continual support to John for his successful healing
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
letting off a stowaway
in the middle of the heat
*
making the trip last
with field guides to the birds
*
could be the last
Independence Day
cry of the mourning dove
Independence Day
freedom rings hollow
this Independence Day
could this be the last
Independence Day
Or to avoid another question:
this could be the last
Independence Day
Chris, these are beautiful verses to ponder.
patricia i am humbly grateful you
placed my verses in the short and
long lists, thank you for that. i am
in the fine company of so many
other superb poems.
ps–when you have time please correct
my name spelling to barkan.
Yikes! I did it again???? Maybe it’s Otto–I’m going to have to watch him . . . I will ask Jim to correct it.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
Clysta Seney
love the metaphoric image, clysta,
just perfect! this is so different from
everything else and expresses such a
vivid emotional moment, the supernova
start of a new love—“i’m going with this guy!”
patricia you once again had such a tough
choosing job and you chose well. thank you
for your fine judgement and continuing
guidance as our sabaki.
come back soon john, and gratitude to jim
and friends for your timely uploads!
Thank you Rob.
A bit speechless here…lot of that going around for folks of a certain age. Thank you for selecting my verse Patricia. 🙏🏻 And, thanks to each who offer congratulations. Much appreciated. Chris, I was rooting for your verse and I concur with your recommendation regarding mine if Patricia so decides.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
a Hell’s Angel’s “old lady”
seeks full membership
Would some kind veteran out there opine on my attempt to shift focus in this verse? Is it “dead on arrival” for being too closely linked to a motorcycle club? I did not openly mention a vehicle! I note a couple entries shifting by using swing / baseball and committed / insanity linkage. Is this the preferred way to do it around here?
My failure to fully understand this subtle technique is frustrating! Can anyone refer me to a “how to” essay / article? Thank you.
Hi, Dan–your verse is right on regarding the link of a Hell’s Angel to the Vespa. You did not mention a motorcycle it’s linked by association.
Linking is one of the more difficult parts of renku writing, I think. Here are a few methods:
1) contrast or opposite: e.g. on vs. off, many vs. few, up vs. down, concave vs convex
2) link by association: e.g. Strauss/dance or Strauss/waltz or Strauss/composition or Strauss/Vienna or as you did Vespa/Hell’s Angel.
3) change the meaning of a word from one verse to the next–this is tricky because you can’t repeat the word itself as in the example of dance/swing–swing links to dance in that swing is a form of dance. but the way it’s used in the verse it’s meaning it completely different. To try this method do the following: pick a word from the verse you want to link to like “committed.” Look up all its other meanings and try to write a verse that has that meaning without using the word “committed.”
4) link by scent: this is very subtle and takes practice: it has to do with echoing the tone or feeling of the previous verse.
This is not an exhaustive list–it’s off the top of my head. Maybe others can add to this.
Regarding your Hell’s Angel verse: it links very well with the previous verse. Linking is not the problem. The problem is that I have already inadvertently allowed too many proper names into the renku too close together :( and so I’m going to avoid proper names for the next six verses. I’m sorry I didn’t put that in the list of things to avoid.
The only article on linking that I know of is in “Monkey’s Raincoat” translated by Lenore Mathew. In the intro she discusses linking techniques. Sadly, the book is hard to find and expensive. Maybe others know of more current sources of this information.
Patricia, bless you for being so kind to offer advice on a holiday! I hope that it is of value to others here who might also be new to the subtleties of renku. I’ll try to put your tips into practice.
The renko’s 3 line verse is also puzzling to my haiku mentality. For renku, a single image seems to suffice, whereas in haiku, this is usually avoided. Anyway, thanks and happy 4th.
Dan–What I said before about linking is very logical; what I forgot to say is this–trust yourself. Your mind is a pattern-making machine and if you express what pops into your mind when you read the verse you’re linking to, more often than not, it will link.
Patricia, I am so grateful for this advice!
the nest-building mindset
of a wasp*
* vespa = Italian word for wasp
I am as well, thank you Patricia! :)
Here’s a link to an online guide to linking and shifting in renku: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/Link_Shift.html
Wow! This appears to be the holy grail of linking / shifting! Thank you for sharing it.
loving the smell of petrol
in the morning
the sparks flying
from our love machine
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
forgetting the heat
on the neighborhood playground
*
resetting the pendulum
for the long cold days
Best wishes for a full recovery, John. Another fine selection, Patricia. And congratulations on an inviting link, Clysta!
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
Clysta Seney
under the bright clouds
sailors scatter about
night clouds scudding
past a cell’s window
after the vows
a glass breaks
registering again
after a failed exam
answering want ads
one after another
after four decades
getting up at 5 a.m.
memory gone but
continuing to smile
Thanks for accepting the invitation Richard.
It’s always such fun sharing your process, Patricia. I adore Clysta’s verse!
Wow! Thanks Eavonka!
only tourists in Rome
during the August heat
a line for gelato
around the Colosseum
These are wonderful!
It’s worth waiting in line for the gelato, Eavonka. :)
Clysta, this verse is a delight, full of sparkle and hope. A marvelous choice, Patricia and I love your reasoning behind it. It was a lot of fun reading the wonderful verses on the list, too … a very engaging renku adventure!
madeleine, thanks for your supportive comments. Clysta
:)
Congratulations, Clysta, on this verse. It links beautifully with its predecessor.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
–Clysta Seney
wind-whipped tresses
b!owing in the breeze
the neighborhood agreement
to keep sidewalks ice-free
Thank you Nancy, has taken me a long time to suss out linking. Still working at it.
Clysta,
Again, congrats! To be honest, I still don’t always understand the linking aspect, either, but in my (warped) mind, I know what I am linking to in the previous verse. Sometimes it makes sense to someone other than me, and most times it doesn’t. It took me quite a few renku here to get any verses even long-listed, and even more to ever get a verse chosen. What I have learned, though, is many of my rejected verses become the fodder for haiku in their own right (write??). That’s one of the reasons I submit a couple verses every time…for the fun, for the practice, and for new ideas.
Patricia’s explanation to Dan above is invaluable. I learned so much from those brief lines. ~Nan
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
——-Clysta Seney
.
she pleads insanity
at the trial
Well done Clysta and thank you Patricia
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
saluting the ants marching
across the picnic table
the detour view
of wildflowers waltzing in the wind
Thanks Dan; I’m always amazed at your high yield verses.
Excellent verse Clysta! Congratulations!
For some reason it sent me down a baseball rabbit hole
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
——-Clysta Seney
she threw a curve
that almost hit him
her pitch was wide
and he walked to first base
she tried to pick him off
at second base
stolen bases
not a factor in their game
no runs, no hits, no errors
only sunlight on grass
with their game tied
it went deep into the night
I love each one of these baseball verses! Lovely!
changing these to present tense
she throws him a curve
that almost hits him
her pitch goes wide
and he walks to first base
she tries to pick him off
at second base
with their game tied
it goes deep into the night
Thank you Jonathan. I love your set of present tense baseball follow-ons. How did you know our Vespa is headed to a Giants game?
remembering
the last July 4th
reminiscing the past
July 4ths
living
the last July 4th
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
seeking asylum
from the long hot days
*
this movable feast
of a picnic
*
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
nothing but beaches
and ice-cold beer
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
taking the middle shift
at the lemonade stand
I love “taking the middle shift at the lemonade stand”. :)
It’s absolutely charming, Lorin.
Patricia, thanks once again for the illuminating and suspenseful long list. Always fun to read. And Clysta: bravo on the vespa!
*
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
Clysta Seney
*
how the heat drives me
out of my mind
*
whoops–
how the heat drives her
out of her mind
Cheers Laurie.Your variety of high quality and fun responses continues to awe me.
Two I’s in a row? Maybe ‘swinging onto’ instead?
Or: she swings onto
Actually, Chris–it’s ok to keep the same pronouns for two verses running. It’s a technique that helps knit the renku together. But you can’t go beyond two verses.
Thank you Patricia. I felt the two I’s stood like columns structuring an equal relationship; but like Dan M. alludes to, the nuance between tight and loose linkage of the form requires a renku master’s experienced eye. We keep learning from you. Thank you again for sharing your time and deep knowledge.
Well done Clysta!
That is a lovely verse, and the renku is looking great! What a good choice. ;)
Thank you Melissa.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
— Clysta Seney
breezes still
this zero-shadow dog day
counterbalancing
this sizzling binary climate
that afterglow
lingers . . .
I am fully committed to this beautiful Renku trip! Thanks to one and all! Much respect to Clysta and Patricia! And ongoing thanks to the hosting team.
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
—Clysta Seney
blinking eyelids
laden with snowflakes
blindfolded
we feel mid-summer’s landscape
Thank you dear Pamela. You continue to inspire.
Congratulations, Clysta, a well deserved placing within the poem.
A great choice, Patricia, and I’m glad you explained the meaning of ‘swing’ in Clysta’s verse. There’s some pretty sharp poets, here, and no doubt there would have been questions :)
Dear Carol, Thank you for your support now and comments throughout Sideshow. I look forward to seeing your art as well. Clysta
Thankyou Clysta for your lovely comment, as always appreciated.