The Renku Sessions: Side Show – Week 7
Hello, Everyone—Well, you continue to amaze me with your writing. It’s a pleasure to read your offerings, but again this week making a choice was difficult. I did feel from the start that this next verse should have some people in it so I think you will find my long list biased in that direction:
staged for joys & passions
falling rice on newly-weds
Attard Francis
the fanfare ending
also begins the hunt
pole vault competitors’
hug viewed worldwide
Pamela Garry
the conductor tells from
their grins they’re eloping
scrambling for a letter
of safe conduct
how to translate from one
dead language to another
hearing both sides
on the Anthropocene
awaiting developments
on the ever after
from their two-part harmony
one true paradise
the old harmonies
dwindle to a monotone
the orcas out
to settle old scores
keeping all his secrets
in a second language
making one filmy veil
do the work of seven
Laurie Greer
anti scientists go
tilting at windmills
Jackie Maugh Robinson
a mole lifts soil
during the graveside service
a toast
to the young couple
wherever we go
Kilroy was here
Carol Jones
beautiful Eros evokes
troubles for Gods and mortals
may I have this dance
for the rest of life?
a prophetic path
to enduring love
a glance that speaks volumes
words can never convey
I wake every morning
at your side for twenty years
the anthem ring of sirens
alerts the town to wildfires
after carillon bells ring
smoke creeps up the valley
the scale of change evolves
into new culture boundaries
a fanfare for genetic
life-saving intervention
early morning exercise
at the senior center
in the concert hall attire
is come as you are dressed
John Daleiden
with pin-pricked palms
a poet sees his words
a fine wine picked here
and sipped off alien’s lips
Wendy C. Bialek
the eagle has landed
on top of the tallest pine
on my way to you
one small step at a time
I fear you close by;
I love you far away
where one can no longer love
there one should pass by
in the end one experiences
only oneself
Was that life?
Well then! Once more!
Jonathan Alderfer
in every plaza
a soapbox and a waltz
Clysta Seney
knick knack paddy whack
give the former president a fact
Alison Woolpert
waking to the dulcet tones
of a cement grinder
Eavonka Ettinger
Four storm riders
quicken in the dawning
Dick Pettit
the kids making out
lose track of the plot
Richard Straw
thoroughly completely
and inexorably confused
the past looms large in
the not-too-distant future
Michael Henry Lee
a pelican splashes down
in the tranquil sea
Dan MacDonald
my teenage son
stays in bed till noon
andrew shimield
it’s amazing how far shadows stretch
when they’re waving goodbye
“Today, from a distance,
I saw you walking away,”
she sure looked cute
in a parachute
empty swings
seem so sad and silent
Dan Campbell
she practices her pirouettes
on the kitchen floor
i didn’t see it before
but now i see my Dad everywhere
Diana Ming Jeong
bewitched by the siren
call of the wild
his buzz cut and uniform
freshly pressed just for her
Betty Shropshire
a strange sense
of déjà vu again
we both remember it
differently
M. R. Defibaugh
Nietzsche in a niche returns
again and again to the sacred fire
superman makes eyes
over dinner at Lois Lane
the lucky charm you carried
now in my purse
Melissa Dennison
rumor has it
they were seen together
how to ask her out
in ASL
how to ask her out
in sign language
Chris Patchel
diplomats waltzing around
peace talks
Nancy Brady
another odyssey
delayed by strikes
Tracy Davidson
doublespeak
takes over the ability to reason in oceania
madeleine kavanagh
An abundance of riches, wouldn’t you say? The short list cut sixty-four verses down to thirty-two; another cut brought the number to sixteen. I paired those sixteen verses with the “Earthrise” verse and read them aloud several times. Out of this process I chose three:
Earthrise
to the tune of Strauss’s ‘Thus
spake Zarathustra’
Lorin Ford
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
[Note: I added “my” to the last line of John’s verse. I hope he concurs with this.]
Earthrise
to the tune of Strauss’s ‘Thus
spake Zarathustra’
Lorin Ford
a pelican splashes down
in the tranquil sea
Dan MacDonald
Earthrise
to the tune of Strauss’s ‘Thus
spake Zarathustra’
Lorin Ford
the lucky charm you carried
now in my purse
Melissa Dennison
I think our renku would proceed wonderfully with any one of these verses — two are love verses and one is not. I found Dan’s “tranquil sea” image brought in a quiet beauty after the glorious orchestral sound of the Strauss music in the preceding verse. But I did feel we needed people in this verse and John’s unique proposal of marriage and the way it linked to the previous verse won the day.
And so our sixth verse is:
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
And our poem thus far:
Side Show
the moon joins
a juggler’s side show
harvest festival
Wendy C. Bialek
a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight
Jonathan Alderfer
drifting leaves
pile up at the lock gates
on the old canal
Andrew Shimield
an inuksuk points the way
to the next adventure
Carol Jones
Earthrise
to the tune of Strauss’s ‘Thus
spake Zarathustra’
Lorin Ford
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
And now here are your instructions for verse seven:
- a three-line love verse, the three lines should flow syntactically;
- link to verse six in some fashion;
- the door is open for all topics: war, politics, death, or any wild or bizarre subjects (in this section of the renku the party gets going full steam — arguments, clowning, tears, all happen here);
- for the rest of the renku, please avoid any subjects related to festivals or circuses, carnival acts, moons, etc.; also avoid mention of dancing or performance art for the next six verses; avoid mention of art, music, photography, religion, and planets for the next five verses; avoid mention of stones, directions, or cairns for the next four verses; avoid mention of entrances, water, and vegetation for the next three verses; avoid any mention of insects, light, color, or trajectories for the next two verses;
- submit your verses by midnight PDT Tuesday, July 2.
Thank you for all your submissions. I wish you good writing in the coming week — and good healing for John.
— Patricia
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
Comments (281)
Comments are closed.
let me sleep
in your wagon tonight
gypsy girl
she cranks
my marshall amp
way past eleven
let me sleep
in your wagon tonight
gypsy girl
and
she cranks
my marshall amp
way past eleven
I enjoyed these!
glad you did keith thanks!
admiring how
even her big toe
is tiny
fighting addition
together she becomes
my heroin[e]
finding out
what it means
to be a daddy
meeting my daughter
for the first time
I sound like the one newly born
addiction ***
jumping the broom
with you so long ago
a perfect lifetime
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
jumping the broom
with you so long ago
a perfect lifetime
my ear pods
filter out clichés
from sweet nothings
.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
.
John Daleiden
.
.
unbuttoning
the button-down
buttoned to the neck
.
Wow, princes k . . . very sensual.
I love the alliteration, too!
Thanks Madeleine and Carol!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
from the first sight
of you so long ago,
my constant love
though bumps open
in the road, there is no one
but you
to love another,
I cannot imagine
after sixty years
These are heart warming and marvelous!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
marrying on the rebound
has made
all the difference
all the difference
*
the old two-step
of marrying in haste and
falling in love at leisure
*
whoops–
make it:
marrying on the rebound
has made
all the difference
Wonderful! :)
John, I am happy to hear you are continuing on the road to recovery and hope you will find ways to relieve any discomfort and boredom.
first date
fibs
he likes cats
~ ~ ~
one serving of shrimp
two paper cups on the edge
of the bay
~ ~ ~
his thoughtfulness
breaks
my heart
~ ~ ~
still
turns
my head
~ ~ ~
he waits
for me
at the library
my husband’s curry
always a little different
than the night before
~ ~ ~
on the edge
of her seat
Austen’s “Persuasion”
~ ~ ~
“love means
never having to say
you’re sorry” most of the time
~ ~ ~
Just for fun, my daughter Rachel’s version she just penned.
“love means having to say
you’re sorry
even if you don’t mean it”
I like your daughter’s take on your verse, madeleine :)
Awww! Thanks Carol! I will let her know. :)
I do agree with you…I love her take on my verse, even though I might be a little biased. :)
halfway through
his descent into madness
she lowers a rope
:) I love this, Rob.
thank you madeleine!
i don’t care i don’t care
i’d rather live by your side
than to die by your side
Diana Ming Jeong
I get goose bumps from reading this one, Diana.
Beautiful!
Thank you madeleine! :)
We got rear-ended on Sunday and we are lucky to be alive!
Diana, I am happy to hear you and your husband escaped harm and are both safe and sound!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
my lolly-pop-love
becomes the
pièce de résistance
his brown hair I loved
is now a crisp gray fringe
with bald patches
a honeymoon day
every minute since we wed
a honeymoon night
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
*
Time reports that
marriage rates are declining
due to devices
*
a backyard for vows,
then friends and family
around a big meal
*
their Great Dane
carries the bouquet,
the ferret the rings
*
Clysta, LOL! The Great Dane ferret one!
Me, too! :)
Thanks Pamela and Madeleine.
the drama queen
that he is and still
his one and only
:)
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
through the years we grew
to look alike, and now
we are one
through the years we grow
to look alike, and now
we are one
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
through the years we grew
to look alike, and now
we are one
through the years we grow
to look alike, and now
we are one
Congrats John! – a very sweet verse.
.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
.
John Daleiden
.
.
the late night squeak
of rusty hinges
on the garden gate
.
the whisper of silk
sliding
over deaf skin
.
a meter
of poetry
in raised letters
.
a standing c note
and the repartee
with calloused fingertips
.
.
In his breast pocket
her folded smile
faded photo
Recalling
her laughter in sepia tones
his wife five decades ago
Summer of ’76
Mum and I smiling
parched landscape
His wife of fifty years
beach laughter
echoes in sepia tones
Melissa, these verses are lovely, particularly your first…I can’t help but smile every time I go past!
as the city slumbers
lovers
rumba the night away
Quick stepping
across the dance floor
away from you
In tango hold
I pull away
needing some space
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
it’s come as you are
to their wedding
in the woods
*
holding their church wedding
deep
in the woods
*
finding their faith
as they write
their vows
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
——-John Daleiden
.
watching you
dress for the afternoon
thunderstorm
.
the heat
of the afternoon
stored in your hips
.
your kimono
of leaves falling
falling
.
the bituminous
scent
of our affair
.
on and on
wasabi love
on and
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life? ……. John Daleiden
hula doll
safely packed face down
brings our honeymoon home
another version:
safely packed face down
hula doll brings
the honeymoon home
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
for seventy years
they slept side by side, but now
it’s forever
after his death
the insurance policy
made me rich
All best wishes to John for his recovery.
…
my dear husband
didn’t last long
after the wedding
…
after his proposal
I played my cards
close to my chest
…
once we were married
I persuaded him
to take out life insurance
…
they called me
the black widow
after my third husband died
I like all of your verses, here, Pauline :)
Thank you so much, Carol. I like a bit of implied criminality!
LOL!
two space station astronauts
don’t mind the delay
or the zero gravity
LOL!!!! rob
thank you wendy!
Thanks for the update Patricia and best wishes John!
my first
hazel eyed love
stole my tricycle
my first
kiss was
in a barn
does kissing
a nun send
you to hell
Congratulations, John, for the selection of your verse.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
years and years
later
still holding hands
years
and years later
grabbing his hand
joining
their wrinkled family
a sharpei puppy
WoW! Nancy….(all are very heart-swelled, so knocked over with that wrinkle family one….what a doubling image!
Nancy, sorry, i meant…. wrinkled
oooh! just realized, wonder what
Patricia feels about the word, ‘joining’
since a version of it is present in the hokku?
Patricia could you kindly chime in here?
Wendy–You are right–we would not want to repeat such a prominent word in the hokku latter in the renku.
thanks for the clarification, Patricia.
Now i hope, Nan has time to replace this one word, while there is still time to do it.
Even though, Nan…I love them. These are keepers! :)
Thank you Pamela Macmiller for the update on John Stevenson’s eye surgery.
Joihn, the renku writers are sending you healing wishes. Feel the get well vibrations and may your .body hea
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
iceman, beggar man, chief—
people who know our love
is longer than time
Paradise was never lost
WHEN all points
Are Considered.
Michelle Beyers
I just want to say I am thinking of John in my prayers. All the best to your speedy recovery.
Michelle
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
spider woman
her love vows lighter
than each leap
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
knick-knack-paddy wack,
the dog has his bone; our love
longer than time
an organ donor
kidney restores her life
at age fifty
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
keeping her love blind
as his scissors go
snip snip snip
*
proving love is blind
with home-made
his & her haircuts
*
vowing never again
to let him
touch her hair
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
even after the wedding
every night
is date night
*
Thanks for the update, Patricia! I join my fellow renku-ists in sending my best wishes to John for a speedy and thorough recovery. And my profound thanks to him and everyone else at THF. It has been a lifeline.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
– John Daleiden
`
‘no thank you please’
eyes to the guy
who taps her lover’s shoulder
`
back to their ballroom table
he slips on the ring engraved
‘My Youniverse’
`
love so new
there’s more to figure out
than remember
rather than a card
with several partners’ names
towels with one last one
John, adding to all these sincere good wishes for a complete recovery. A friend who went through this, rigged a mirror for watching TV and now he can read anything backwards! —i..e., keep your sense of humor😇
`
`
In order to avoid another entry, here is a correction to a verse in the previous entry:
`
`
the guy who starts
to tap her lover’s shoulder
sees knows moves on
Dear Renku Friends of John–I have some additional information to add to John’s recovery news. While his eye heals, John has to lie prone, face down. So this process, while hopeful, is, as you can imagine, exceedingly trying. So let us unite as we send thoughts and wishes of tranquillity and images of the beautiful ocean that he loves.
Thank you for the update Patricia.
Here is a haiku from page 37 of “My Red” by John Stevenson:
*
the tide
arranging rocks and sand
just as I would
*
Sending healing thoughts to you John.
Many thanks for the update, Patricia.
Sending positive thoughts and best wishes for your full recovery, John. I’m not going to say a swift recovery because nature doesn’t work that way, and its always worth the wait.
I sincerely hope this will be the same for you our lovely boy.
“While his eye heals, John has to lie prone, face down. ” – Patricia, regarding news of John Stevenson.
All I can say is that I’m glad it’s summer in the USA, and it might be possible that his face and eyes are well protected enough to allow him to spend some time floating in a swimming pool, with a special full face mask, waterproofed, and a snorkel. Or perhaps on an especially comfortable hammock, fit for purpose.
Anyway, please convey my best wishes from cold & rainy Melbourne, Victoria, (Australia)
(As a publican’s daughter: a raised glass to you & all you’ve done and continue do for world wide renku. I’m pretty sure we’d both agree about that red, too. :-) )
I started this Sunday morning with caring thoughts of John and I read his “Some of the Silence”. Here is a sampling:
Sunday morning
looking up the word
from my dream
morning sun enters
the sleeper’s
ear
My hope for you, John, is that your other senses bring you continued creativity and joy from which to draw upon during this difficult time.
Betty
so nicely said, Betty!
may i ditto this, as it perfectly reflects my wishes and thoughts for John, too.
I agree Wendy…adding my sentiments, a continued recovery for John with prayers and good wishes. Thank you Patricia, for your update. 🙂
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
he strikes a gong
in her garden’s
gazebo!
he strikes a gong
in her garden
gazebo!
first tier of 5 year old
wedding cake
bit by the babysitter
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
*
meatloaf
like his mama made
her birthday gift to him
each night his heart quickens
before the nature sprite
revisits his yard
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
night after night
under one cover
a synchronic dream for two
Correction:
night after night
under one cover
a synchronous dream for two
night after night
under one cover
a sepia dream for two
night after night
under one cover
sepia dreams for two
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
and with one small bite
she willingly becomes
a creature of the night
Marion, fancy you rhyming! Love it. Very elegant, sinister and romantic at the same time….
Told you I was delving into rhyme in haiku, Keith! Delighted you like it. 🙂
Shameless ad:
https://thehaikufoundation.org/revirals-455/#revfootnote
Keith, I might never have read this
if not for your shamelessness
and so I send my haiku kiss
relieved
that she’s face blind
not disinterested
after twilight we wander
the graveyard
enjoying the midnight breeze
taking the baby’s first kicks
into their own
two hands
*
their two hands together
the perfect size
for the baby’s kick
*
the baby’s first kicks
fit their hands
to a T
*
answering
every FAQ
with love
*
whatever the question
the answer
is love
*
how to face the question
of who
will go first
*
if you think you can
waltz in & out of my dreams
you’re dead right
I love this!
thanks, madeleine!
the loving hug
while Ella and Louis
sing Cheek to Cheek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20iOlPwz0J0
Dan, thank you for this spectacular link!
Even the animation was enjoyable, huh?
Breathtaking animation!
great entertainment, Dan. M.
thank you for posting this link!
Thank you! :)
I love the dancing!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
*
the celebrant
asks the couple for
their pronouns
writing her name
Ana Maria Balanos Garcia de Rodriguez
on a sandy beach
watching her bounce
on a donkey
cart ride
listening
to the mating
calls of iguanas
Dan, bravo! Encore!
Gracias dear Pamela!
A very romantic verse, John!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
in the attic
she places her portrait
next to Dorian’s
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
each morning they fill
birdfeeders with food
for avian friends
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
her gyrations
faster than the thunderclaps
answering his prayers
her gyrations
deeper than the thunderclaps
answering his prayers
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
in renku verse
our love outlives time
despite death
written on the new couple’s
do not disturb sign
( incl. govt. )
Wendy, LOL!
knowing i am not the only one, concerned about the lack of medical support and options for young girls/women/couples in the usa who are hurting/needy of help or/and first beginning their journey.
Pamela, glad you enjoyed this verse.
in addition to the obvious/ of people being told who could love who….
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
•
John Daleiden
day after day
the honeymooners in bed
with Covid
at marriage guidance
its one step forward
two steps back
teardrops flow
when you no longer
remember who I am
edit-
teardrops flow
now you no longer
remember who I am
Carol, this verse is beautiful as well as heartrending.
dracula’s waking words:
“it’s a great night
to be dead!”
dracula’s waking words to his wife:
“it’s a great night
to be dead!”
Rob, great one
thank you pamela—
i will convey this to the count,
tonight he is having a coffin fit
for a blood relative
(and reading the old book
“how to wan friends and influenza people”)
lol!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
though seas run dry,
or glaciers block the door,
our love flows on
two places set
at the table, one for him,
one for her
love forever
though the sun has no shine
we are one
the scent of roast beef,
a platinum necklace gift—
their seventieth
she calls
me burrito
instead of jackass
her beautiful
butt is brown
all year round
she inherited
her temper
from a volcano
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
– John Daleiden
she calls
me cabrón while
pouring me coffee
her flamenco
dancing jumpstarts
my battery
serenades with a
southern accent
make her smile
cooking her
platanos and frijoles
for breakfast
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
Dad did not like my boyfriends
but he cried for me
when my cat died
my Superhero Dad
sat back in his chair
with tears in his eyes
Dad walked out to the car
while Mom rocked our dog
to sleep
Diana Ming Jeong
Dad was inconsolable
when it was time
to put our dog to sleep
Diana Ming Jeong
Dad was inconsolable when it was time
to put our dog
to sleep
Or
Dad was inconsolable
when it was time to put our dog
to sleep
Diana Ming Jeong
Diana–Sweet as your verses are, I feel I should have made it clear when I called for a love verse that in traditional renku love is sexual love between adult humans :)
Oh! Ok. Then my first submissions are written about sexual love. 🥰
Thank you ☺️
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
——-John Daleiden
.
she takes
the lovely form
of a shifting sandbar
.
a dragon tattoo
prowls
beneath her silk kimono
.
a woman wades out
to sift the sea
for her lost lovers
.
pouring
our morning coffee
into the sunlight
she blows a kiss
past airport security
as he deploys
:)
This is great, Chris.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
–John Daleiden
our names
on the land deed where we live
for seventy years
though the sun shines bright,
and rivers run deep,
our love knows no bounds
:)
These are great!
he buys a metal detector
to find the ring
lost on the beach
~ ~ ~
he keeps
replacing the rings
she loses
Irish whiskey Christmas cookie
he’s definitely the better
half
Irish whiskey
Christmas cookie
he’s definitely the better half
oops! Realizing seasonal verses are out.
he buys a metal detector
in search
of lost rings
~ ~ ~
he buys a metal detector
in hope
to find her lost rings
Love ‘he keeps…she loses!’
Thanks, Pamela! :)
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
we keep
the vows
we never said
Diana Ming Jeong
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
going this way
then that
with their hyphenated names
*
she puts his name first
and he puts hers first
with a hyphen in between
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
God blinks
and lets Joe Biden
make it through the night
Biden begins
his ride into the sunset . . .
on his wife’s back
Disclaimer: This is not a whole-hearted endorsement for Mr. Trump! I am trying to refer to the prior verse’s lovers while veering into a new topic – a politcal one.
:) quite witty and a very vivid imagery!.
another
gin & tonic & now
separate beds
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
deeper than the sea,
higher than the blue sky ,
our love is endless
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
how she longed for more
red wigglers in her compost bin
filling up on scraps
Too cute!
a simple band
forged in fire and worn
with pride
:)
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
playing with lost pics
shining in a golden album
only in our minds
playing with lost pics
in a gold foil leaf album
only in our minds
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
our wedding roses
ramble the yard
years later
*
the scent of our wedding
still sharp
in every rose
*
Laurie, beautiful and beautiful!
I second that, Pamela!
These are lovely and excellent verses in themselves, Laurie. But I’m wondering what Patricia might have to say about having roses (flowers) in this ‘love’ verse. If this renku is a Nijûin (and I think it is. . . not sure) there is only one ‘blossom/ flower’ verse and the current verse is one of 4 ‘Love’ verses, two here and two later.
It is quite possible that Patricia might choose to merge ‘love’ & ‘flower’ at this point, since the Nijûin has just one blossom/ flower verse, later. I don’t know. But I would like to know :-). Patricia?
Lorin–Yes, we are writing a nijuin renku and so this verse is a love verse. With apologies to all, I should have explicitly said that it also was a no season verse.
Wishing you again the best of health, John Stevenson. Another great choice, Patricia! Congratulations on a fine link, John Daleiden!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
despite a big
wedding in public
vows in private
the swans
after a courtship
becoming one
the male wren
feeding the female
on their eggs
These are wonderful, Richard!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
stray cat
brings me her kittens
one by one
Diana Ming Jeong
:)
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
recording
our kitchen routine
on a recipe card
*
passing down
our kitchen routines
on a recipe card
*
labanotation
for our turns
around the kitchen
*
Grandma still misses
the young man
who never came home
it takes two
to make or break
our flat-pack crib
the bridal boutique
mannequin
wears it better
I love these, Tracy…beautiful! The first tugs at my heart strings.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
keeping their vows
sharp
with daily practice
*
joying in the practice
that keeps their vows
sharp
*
caught on tape
sneaking through
the alley with Sally
our new
sleep number bed.
set to sixty-nine
informing the waiter
that we’ll have what
she’s having
the newlyweds
make their first
toy store visit
after forty odd years
she still calls me
sweetheart
a heart-felt thanks
to doctor
Ruth Westheimer
Lovely!
when he plans
he calls us
“uz”
~ ~ ~
he asks “the big G”
and he points above
to continue to bless us
Love the big G one! And finding your comments!
Awww, thanks Pamela…Made my day!
I love your poems, especially:
“together in
our infusion center
yet again”
Pamela Garry
I especially like the caught on tape one!
I agree, Pamela, I like Michael’s “caught on tape” as well. :)
may I have this dance
For the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
~ ~ ~
the wedding
at sweetheart motel
no one thought would last
~ ~ ~
preventing her from tripping
he almost trips
down the chapel stairs
preventing her from stumbling
he almost trips
down the chapel stairs
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
be my love
forever and a day
we’ll never part
A lovely verse.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life? — John Daleiden
–
the cake is cut
and the champagne and beer
are overflowing
This is wonderful, Lorin!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
– John Daleiden
our two pacemakers
synchronized with a steady
4/4 beat
Lovely! :)
each evening
from our separate bedrooms
we shout out good night
each evening
from our separate bedrooms
we shout out good night
Dan MacDonald
just some suggestions:
now we say
good night
from separate rooms
????Dan MacDonald????
reasoning:
1: to let the reader control the sound level and imagine the scene
2: to bring it to the present
3: to chisel away anything unnecessary
I’d prefer Dan’s original, but with one word deleted.
each evening
from our separate bedrooms
we shout out good night – Dan MacDonald
.
each evening
from our separate bedrooms
we shout good night
(‘out’ is superfluous as far as grammar goes and in my view the rhythm of L3 is better without the extra beat.)
REVISION!
each evening
from our separate bedrooms
we shout good night
Thanks, Lorin and Wendy for your suggestions. I’m happy for catching your attention on these first two efforts, but am placing all of my hopes and money on the Joe Biden verse up above! Regards, Dan
REVISION!
each evening
from our separate bedrooms
we shout good night
Again, thanks to Lorin and Wendy for offering thoughtful advice.
Dan M.,
it is a pleasure ‘playing’ with your words, Dan M. and to know
you are open to listening to revisions and hearing various opinions.
BTW: i don’t use AI to do any project. I trust my own creativity, and my own “crooked eyes” a quote from a famous, female photographer.
And, editcrow is a fictitious character, i made up.
Lorin and Patricia a question?????
I was just thinking, and wanting to know your opinions about:
any mention now of “verbal communication(s)” in our verses….
would that be in anyway a reversion (an uchikoshi) to Lorin’s, “Thus Spake…..”???????
Good point, Wendy
Dan M…..this one is a definite keeper!
Dan M. imo…this is the keeper!
our two pacemakers
synchronized with a steady
4/4 beat
Dan MacDonald
editcrow and i want to take away “two”
and place..”even” as the first word on L1
take away the “d” from synchronize and
and take away “with a steady” from L2
and replace with “in” to read:
even our pacemakers
synchronize in
4/4 beat
Dan MacDonald
Cool editing Wendy!
thanks, Pam….one of many.
here’s others i entertained:
our good nights
heard
from separate rooms
and
our good nights
harken
from separate rooms
our two pacemakers
synchronized with a steady
4/4 beat – Dan MacDonald
.
I agree that “two” is, in context, superfluous and I don’t need ‘editcrow’ or any AI program to agree or disagree with me about that. However, I much prefer the longer middle line . I would change “with” to “to”, though, because I’m pretty sure that’s what you mean. “Synchronized to” doesn’t make sense.
our pacemakers
synchronized to a steady
4/4 beat
Please accept this revised version:
our pacemakers
synchronized to a steady
4/4 beat
I apologize for the flood of revisions. I notice that during a senior moment, I revised another one twice and was about to let this one go unedited! Must have caught something while watching the debate last night.
against a quaking aspen
i kiss her
for the first time
her five moans
each louder
than the last
take the garbage
get the mail
all in the name of love
:)
Rob, your poem, “…take out the garbage…”, perfect!
thanks madeleine!
Rob,
Keeping in mind that renku verses flow forward; when the first sequence, of a love verse….begins with the proposal of marriage…the next verse requires a following action…not a backwards action.
(usually, a kiss or more, has been experienced….prior to marriage proposal)
(your first verse lovely as is, here, in this position, appears to be traveling backwards)
the verse can be totally salvaged, if you age it in time.
thank you wendy for your brilliant
and educated advice:
against a quaking aspen
we kiss like it was
the very first time
Yes, Wendy, your right about the progression of the love verses, but what if he was smitten at the first dance and knew he wanted her for the rest of his life even before the first kiss? Is this a possible interpretation?
sure is!
our beautiful, romantic dreamer, sabaki Patricia
which is why i stated, ‘usually’.
Patricia, come to think of it…both myself and spouse….knew it…when our eyes first met.
Wendy, if I may, I am absolutely delighted by yours and Patricia’s commentary on Rob’s first verse. (Smiling from ear to ear. )
John….thank you for your delightful verse, and for keeping this wonderful flow of positivity and creativity in our renku….And Patricia…thank you for choosing John’s delightful verse, and for keeping this wonderful flow of positivity and creativity in our renku:
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life? John Daleiden
*
still cheek to cheek
as the spring in our steps
revived by compression socks
:)
“I found Dan’s “tranquil sea” image brought in a quiet beauty after the glorious orchestral sound of the Strauss music in the preceding verse. But I did feel we needed people in this verse. . . . ” -Patricia
I like Dan MacDonald’s verse a lot, too (I’ve seen Pelicans do that often enough. I like pelicans: they are elegant, clever, polite and amusing. But I understand your point of needing people in this verse position, Patricia..
Lorin,
i also like Dan M’s pelican verse…but i questioned that it included the sea which i believe is a form of water….that Patricia said we should avoid for now.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
*
just the two of us
waltzing matilda
along a back road
.
[ translations, I’ve noticed, are sometimes needed in this “common language” we share.
So– ” waltzing Matilda: to waltz Matilda To carry a swag; to travel the road. A matilda is a swag, the roll or bundle of possessions carried by an itinerant worker or swagman.” These days though, people are more likely to be waltzing a backpack.)
thx for this explanation Lorin. I was told as a child it meant kangaroo. will have to change that image in my mind …all these years, lost in translation.
Clysta “lost in translation” as so many things are. :-)
Here’s something funny, just for you, (No kangaroo, but a typical Emu :-)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqgENQLwT1I
Congratulations, John, from your future (it being 8:05am and cold on the 28th of June in Southern Australia)
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
*
my arms stretch
around the smell
of his leather vest
*
I swing onto
his Vespa
fully committed
*
I will as long
as you can
stand by me
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
we’ll cruse forever
on our purple barge
love conquers all
Well chosen! Excellent verse, John!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
*
patient zero
flirting with death
and his nurse
a great image Betty!
Thanks, Wendy!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
daily
they renew the vows
they never made
Love this one, too Pamela! :)
he knows the way
to my heart
is in the Insta’pot
Diana Ming Jeong
:)
LOL! funny and nice up-to-date reverse image, Diana!
:) Thank you Wendy!
I hope that John is doing better this week and well on his way to a speedy and successful recovery! Thank you Jim Kacian and all the helpers for this week’s Renku. Thank you Patricia for your guidance and warmth throughout this journey. It’s always a joy to read the new posting on Thursdays. Thank you again for choosing a few of my haiku for the long list. And congratulations to Dan for a lovely haiku! I’m melting! Not just from the heat in Los Angeles, but from the sentiment of your haiku. Words I have definitely heard from my Love! :)
Based on my own experience :) here are my offerings for this week…
our fingers
interlock
on our first date
our hands
find each other
as we walk through the gardens
my heart
still flutters
when we hold hands
Diana Ming Jeong
I’m sorry to John. I don’t know why I wrote Dan. :/ Please forgive me.
Congratulations John! I love your offering.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
our fingers
interlock
on our first date
our hands
find each other
as we walk through the gardens
my heart
still flutters
when we hold hands
Diana Ming Jeong
Diana, fear not,
your true light shines
both day and night
Apooiges accepted and understood—the senior moment.
Thank you, John! ☺️ I love this little haiku too, just for me! You must already know that I love the sun ☀️ and the moon 🌝 equally and they only rivaled by the stars. 🌌
“May I have this dance
for the rest of my life?”
saying nothing
which might step on the toes
of anyone
all’s fair
in the war of the sexes
gentle maiden ‘
maturer years
necessitate a review
of past commitments
i
Congratulations John!
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
——-John Daleiden
.
only a slight stumble
over our vows
of forever
.
no license required
to drive me
over the edge
I can’t help singing the Anne Murray song with this new verse, John. What a lovely memory it brings.
Thanks, Patricia, for sharing all these treasures and for including mine.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
still holding hands
on the front porch
as we swing
he always
offers me a hand
with the high curbs
both wonderful, Eavonka….the last one is ‘supcurb’!
Hehe, Wendy, thanks so much!
Delightful, Eavonka!
A wonderful verse, John, I liked it when I first read it, very romantic and so full love.
A delightful choice, Patricia. And such a box full of delights you have presented, to open the renku session, for us to read. Thankyou for placing some of mine in the line-up.
A wonderful verse, John, I liked it when I first read it, very romantic and so full love.
A delightful choice, Patricia. And such a box full of delights you have presented, to open the renku session, for us to read. Thankyou.
not letting on
his aversion to
flannel sheets
Note to the Haiku Foundation Renku Sessions;
Patricia Machmiller, thank you for your generous inclusion of my haiku in Week 6. I am honored with your choice of my haiku for verse 6. Yes, I accept your addition of “my”to the verse.
Jim Kacin, thank you for stepping in to upload Patricia’s choices and instructions for moving forward with the Side Show renku.
John Stevenson, may you be healed with the power of good wishes this renku community sends:
the bump in this road
repaired with skilled hands–
doctors and writers
here, here
all glasses toast
to John’s heartfelt post
Well said John
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
the golf tournament
interrupting the final
scene; no fade-away
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
letting our love
lead us
where it will
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
dedicating our next
12 steps
to this recovering world
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
the occasional faux pas
keeps us
on our toes
*
together stepping
up
to every challenge
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
just lovely john, this brought tears
as always, spot on patricia, keep it up
Congrats to John for the clever adaptation of the Anne Murray song! Thanks, Patricia for including mine among so many good ones. Your selection each week is always a sterling one! Well done.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
— John Daleiden
together in
our infusion center
yet again
her groom
in a pink bow tie
and matching sneakers
Oops, just noticed ‘yellow’ in the second verse. Maybe
her groom
in a bright bow tie
and matching sneakers
:)
Congratulations John… such a splendid poem and testament! Thank you for choosing this beauty, Patricia, which fits flawlessly into our fantastic renku…for all the beautiful poems on the long and short list and for the last three amazing haiku. Thank you for including my poem.
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
holding on
to each other
in a debatable world
*
the two of us
solid
in a debatable world
*
yea! Laurie!
holding on
to each other
in a debatable world
Laurie Greer
:)
What an amazing list! Glad I wasn’t the one to have to choose. A marvelous selection, Patricia. Thanks, John, for submitting this wonderful verse.
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
*
John Daleiden
*
coming home to the one
who never steps
on my toes
*
never led astray
by the one
who really cares
*
may I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
John Daleiden
we are loved
for our flaws
and our perfections
Congratulations John. You had so many good offerings. This one especially resonated with me too. Thank you Patricia for keeping us on light side. We Americans have our own side show going on tonight. Good to have love in the renku air.
Clyde’s, I share all your sentiments here and I love how you express them! Ditto!
Clysta, please excuse auto correct
Pamela, thank you for your vote of confidence! Auto-correct makes me fear AI. As if I don’t know my own name. First or last. ;-)
Sorry, senior moment…John! 1000 apologies. ;) Been one of those days y’know.
Yes, Melissa, I know exactly what you mean, :) :)
😆
Congrats Dan! Well deserved.
Pleased that one of my attempts came close. A nice surprise.