The Renku Sessions: Side Show – Week 4

June 6, 2024
John Stevenson
Renku Sessions

Hello, Everyone—Once again, I enjoyed reading your submissions—and the repartee in between. It turns out I have an Otto messing around in my computer too—I just never knew his name! And the discussion of the form of the verses within a renku—whether a break was ever acceptable within a non-hokku verse was enlightening. Especially helpful, I think, was Keith Evetts channeling John Stevenson in this observation:

“. . . the principle that with the exception of the hokku, we shouldn’t be looking for a cut and a juxtaposition within succeeding verses, as the juxtaposition comes in the shift between one verse and the next. That approach also favours a smoother and pleasing flow as the renga proceeds.”

After all, a renku is a poem and so how it hangs together with all the various voices is important. It’s essential to pay attention to the flow, rhythm, and sound elements.

That said, I do find that admitting a verse, here and there, that breaks from this general rule adds to the interest and liveliness of the poem. It’s hard to predict when is the right moment for this variation to be introduced—it works best when it’s serendipitous. So, if a break enlivens your verse, follow your instinct—write it!

Regarding the third verse, the daisan: I had a difficult time choosing this verse. There were many that intrigued me. Some verses were clearly daytime scenes and didn’t play well with the moths under the lamplight so I had to rule them out. There were verses with no reference to the autumn season and some used references more appropriate to winter than autumn. These also fell out. From the remaining verses the following seemed to have potential:

we warm our hands
with steaming mugs
of hot apple cider

Curt Linderman

a stone labyrinth
takes me on the scenic route
to chrysanthemums

Susan Polizzotto

one by one
each leaf
changes

fiddling with the umbrella
between spurts
of chilly rain

Laura Greer

autumn’s voice
roused from
deep in the holler

heavy cream
for the mouser
still wet with dew

whippoorwill
sings away
the long night

Betty Shropshire

on the new hay bales
a barn cat leaping higher
than Nureyev

through the long night
the whirr of an auntie’s
spinning wheel

birch leaves and rain
falling outside the window,
we play Scrabble

autumn leaves
caught in a willi-willi’s
whirling dance

in the autumn wind
the sound of banana leaves
flapping

Loren Ford

curled leaves
caught by the wind
dapple the lake

mackerel sky
preserved
in the canning cellar window

Rob Barkan

brass bands
and twirling batons
on the football field

mums
on the lapels
of the homecoming court

Nancy Brady

wild mushroom caps
muddling through
leaf litter

Pamela Garry

wrens start a chat room
on the straw brim
of scarecrow’s hat

halved spaghetti squash
baked, fork raked, topped
and served in its skin

Clysta Seney

waving
to the scarecrow
on a hayride

dancing alone
on a frosty night
to stay warm

tap dancing
in a
pile of leaves

Dan Campbell

prancing tubas
and the perfect spiral
of a touchdown pass

Dan MacDonald

drifting leaves
pile up at the lock gates
on the old canal

Andrew Shimield

long night
sewing patches
on the children’s clothes

the scarecrow’s hat
has a hole
in the crown

in the barn
a haystack
stands sentinel

did you hear
footsteps
in the fog

Pauline O’Carolan

mothers are laughing
together
during back-to-school night

Diana Ming Jeong

trick-or-treaters
borrow scarecrow’s clothes
to double-dip

Wendy C. Bialek

The verses in bold above had the best links to verse two, I thought. From those seventeen, I chose six that seemed to pair best with verse two by creating a unified scene very different from the carnival scene of verses one and two.