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The Renku Sessions: Side Show – Week 4

renku_300

Hello, Everyone—Once again, I enjoyed reading your submissions—and the repartee in between. It turns out I have an Otto messing around in my computer too—I just never knew his name! And the discussion of the form of the verses within a renku—whether a break was ever acceptable within a non-hokku verse was enlightening. Especially helpful, I think, was Keith Evetts channeling John Stevenson in this observation:

“. . . the principle that with the exception of the hokku, we shouldn’t be looking for a cut and a juxtaposition within succeeding verses, as the juxtaposition comes in the shift between one verse and the next. That approach also favours a smoother and pleasing flow as the renga proceeds.”

After all, a renku is a poem and so how it hangs together with all the various voices is important. It’s essential to pay attention to the flow, rhythm, and sound elements.

That said, I do find that admitting a verse, here and there, that breaks from this general rule adds to the interest and liveliness of the poem. It’s hard to predict when is the right moment for this variation to be introduced—it works best when it’s serendipitous. So, if a break enlivens your verse, follow your instinct—write it!

 

Regarding the third verse, the daisan: I had a difficult time choosing this verse. There were many that intrigued me. Some verses were clearly daytime scenes and didn’t play well with the moths under the lamplight so I had to rule them out. There were verses with no reference to the autumn season and some used references more appropriate to winter than autumn.  These also fell out. From the remaining verses the following seemed to have potential:

 

we warm our hands
with steaming mugs
of hot apple cider

Curt Linderman

 

a stone labyrinth
takes me on the scenic route
to chrysanthemums

Susan Polizzotto

 

one by one
each leaf
changes

fiddling with the umbrella
between spurts
of chilly rain

Laura Greer

 

autumn’s voice
roused from
deep in the holler

heavy cream
for the mouser
still wet with dew

whippoorwill
sings away
the long night

Betty Shropshire

 

on the new hay bales
a barn cat leaping higher
than Nureyev

through the long night
the whirr of an auntie’s
spinning wheel

birch leaves and rain
falling outside the window,
we play Scrabble

autumn leaves
caught in a willi-willi’s
whirling dance

in the autumn wind
the sound of banana leaves
flapping

Loren Ford

 

curled leaves
caught by the wind
dapple the lake

mackerel sky
preserved
in the canning cellar window

Rob Barkan

 

brass bands
and twirling batons
on the football field

mums
on the lapels
of the homecoming court

Nancy Brady

 

wild mushroom caps
muddling through
leaf litter

Pamela Garry

 

wrens start a chat room
on the straw brim
of scarecrow’s hat

halved spaghetti squash
baked, fork raked, topped
and served in its skin

Clysta Seney

 

waving
to the scarecrow
on a hayride

dancing alone
on a frosty night
to stay warm

tap dancing
in a
pile of leaves

Dan Campbell

 

prancing tubas
and the perfect spiral
of a touchdown pass

Dan MacDonald

 

drifting leaves
pile up at the lock gates
on the old canal

Andrew Shimield

 

long night
sewing patches
on the children’s clothes

the scarecrow’s hat
has a hole
in the crown

in the barn
a haystack
stands sentinel

did you hear
footsteps
in the fog

Pauline O’Carolan

 

mothers are laughing
together
during back-to-school night

Diana Ming Jeong

 

trick-or-treaters
borrow scarecrow’s clothes
to double-dip

Wendy C. Bialek

 

The verses in bold above had the best links to verse two, I thought. From those seventeen, I chose six that seemed to pair best with verse two by creating a unified scene very different from the carnival scene of verses one and two.

 

 

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

we warm our hands
with steaming mugs
of hot apple cider

 

*

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

whippoorwill
sings away
the long night

 

*

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

brass bands
and twirling batons
on the football field

 

*

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

halved spaghetti squash
baked, fork raked, topped
and served in its skin

 

*

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

prancing tubas
and the perfect spiral
of a touchdown pass

 

*

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

drifting leaves
pile up at the lock gates
on the old canal

 

 

It was a close call, but I finally decided on:

 

drifting leaves
pile up at the lock gates
on the old canal

Andrew Shimield

 

I very much admired the way Andrew’s verse moved us from the noise and frivolity of the carnival to a remote spot devoid of people and the only sound that of dry leaves scooting along the ground. Also the two verses are held together nicely with the “l” sounds.

 

And now here are your instructions for verse four:

 

  • a two-line no-season verse, the two lines should flow syntactically;
  • link to verse three in some fashion;
  • avoid any proper nouns, any mention of religion, war, politics, death, or any wild or bizarre subjects (this section of the renku is like the opening of a party—mostly small talk for now—no hot-button issues);
  • for the rest of the renku, please avoid any subjects related to festivals or circuses, carnival acts, moons, etc.; also avoid any mention of insects, light, color, or trajectories for the next five verses; avoid mention of entrances, water, and vegetation for the next six verses;
  • submit your verses by midnight PDT Tuesday, June 11.

 

I wish you good writing and look forward to seeing how you see the world.

Patricia

 

 

So our renku, so far, is:

 

 

Side Show

 

the moon joins
a juggler’s side show
harvest festival

Wendy C. Bialek

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

Jonathan Alderfer

drifting leaves
pile up at the lock gates
on the old canal

Andrew Shimield

 

 

 

 

 

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This Post Has 251 Comments

  1. Wishing you a speedy and full recovery on your eye surgery, John. My best to you and your family as you return to health.

  2. memories of pick-up sticks
    on a hard tiled floor

    after the ef-4
    three houses in a hayfield

    steel ball rolls to a stop
    against a dead flipper

    dodgeball game over
    i caught the ball

    where the strip goes wide
    two cool shorts tach it up

    1. Dear Renku Friends–I want to alert you to a situation that has arisen. John Stevenson, who facilitates this renku site, is undergoing emergency surgery on his eye. As a result,. it may take a few days for him to be able to post this week’s renku results. I know we all wish John a successful procedure and a swift recovery.

      1. Patricia… Thank you for letting us know! Prayers to John for a successful surgery and speedy recovery! ?❤️?

      2. John, I’m very sorry to hear that you’re having an emergency eye surgery. I know that these days the surgeons can do miracles, so I wish you the best outcome possible and a comfortable recovery for that eye.
        Missing your presence at THF.

        warm wishes from another cold and rainy autumn day in Victoria (Aust).
        Lorin

  3. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal — Andrew Shimield

    ah! Matsuyama’s
    famous haiku bars
    .

  4. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    the mourning doves
    announce their arrival

    Diana Ming Jeong

  5. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    a mourning dove startles
    with its wing whistle

    ***

    a mourning dove startles
    with a screeching sound

    ***

    a mourning dove
    announces its arrival

    Diana Ming Jeong

  6. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    the mourning dove startles
    with its wing whistle

    Diana Ming Jeong

  7. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    dirty dishes heaped up
    at the kitchen sink

  8. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    we are all struggling
    to let go of summer

  9. Lorin,

    kids fold the headlines
    into paper planes

    Lighthearted or poignant depending on the context and one’s state of mind. I appreciate the ambiguity.

  10. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal — Andrew Shimield

    balls pile up on the squash
    court at the YMCA

  11. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal — Andrew Shimield

    a page or two torn
    from the tourist guide

    a page or two ripped
    from the tourist guide

    yesterday’s headlines
    skipping down the street

    kids fold the headlines
    into paper planes

  12. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    ——Andrew Shimield
    *
    three bald eagles
    escorting an iceberg
    *
    digging up the cairn
    to clear things up
    *

  13. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    ——Andrew Shimield
    .

    their whole story written down
    in red ochre glyphs
    .

    somewhere over the hills
    some why
    .

    a fat keychain dangles
    beside the door
    .

    the deep groan of tectonic plates
    at the subduction zone

  14. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    ***

    a house finch
    finds an empty nest
    under the eaves

    Diana Ming Jeong

    1. – Edit for a two line verse –

      a house finch finds an empty nest
      under the eaves

      Diana Ming Jeong

  15. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    scrabbling to build a word
    from the alphabet blocks
    *

  16. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    engaging the brake
    on the double stroller
    *
    always stuck in the middle
    of the train’s triple bunks
    *

  17. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal ~ Andrew Shimield
    `
    he loves me loves me not
    with chrysanthemum hope
    `
    with each telling
    his late pa more heroic
    `
    nearer the birthday
    swifter the sands
    `
    buttons sewn tighter
    for the valedictory
    `
    gold cigar band worn
    again on their fiftieth

  18. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    . Andrew Shimield

    hurling down the queen of spades
    on the final heart trick

  19. concertgoers queue up
    at the old fan factory

    (manhattan dwellers will recognize
    the second link!)

  20. cutting and donating
    her long hair

    her long tresses donated
    for wigs

    donating her long hair
    after decades of growth

  21. Congratulations Andrew! A fine daisan.
    .
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    .
    Andrew Shimield
    .
    .
    who will blink first
    teenager or cellphone?

  22. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    ‘Earthrise’ comes up again
    the day the shutter dies

  23. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    corralling cattle
    after the barn raising

  24. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal — Andrew Shimield
    .
    chastity belts
    at the antiques roadshow
    .
    or
    .
    fifteen chastity belts
    complete with keys

  25. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    welcoming the pop in our ears
    on a cross-country trip

  26. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    dogs sniff out their new neighbors
    as we bring boxes inside

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    our dogs become
    the new dogs on the block

  27. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    at the compost heap
    a turtle burrows his home

  28. Thanks to Lorin for bringing Earthrise to mind again in a beautiful verse.

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    Earthrise on the accent wall
    at the rest stop

    1. Earthrise on many minds
      thanks to William Anders

      (He died yesterday, while piloting a plane alone)

    2. Sadly, the astronaut who took that famous photo just died, at the age of ninety, in a plane crash.

    3. drifting leaves
      pile up at the lock gates
      on the old canal
      — Andrew Shimield

      the sound of a shutter
      heard across cosmos

  29. drifting le
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    at the old silver mine
    a meadow of poppies

  30. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    how does dough rise
    inside your wallet?

    what did the dirty laundry
    say to the washer?

    1. Q:
      what did the dirty laundry
      say to the washer?

      A:
      for better and for worse
      somethings are forever

  31. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield

    *

    how to great the early morn
    with lashes glued

  32. Congrats Andrew on your well done, pensive verse chosen from a great pile of offerings. Thanks to Patricia, for a gentle, but high guidance, and selection.
    (thanks for the unexpected inclusion into the long list)

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield

    checking off
    the to-do list

  33. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    ——Andrew Shimield
    .

    the rumble of trucks
    stirs a flock of pigeons into flight
    .

    facial recognition software
    tracks the crowd
    .

    the suggestion box
    overflows

  34. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal – Andrew Shimield

    reciting soliloquies about solitude
    in a traffic jam

    daydreaming about sailboats
    in a traffic jam

    singing about homesickness
    in a traffic jam

  35. an outpouring of pennies
    from the ruptured pinata

    the recent phone update
    results in a boondoggle

    another sorted story
    for political gain

    paying twice a much for
    half as much product

    1. Hi Michael, I love the description of the pinata and the 3 haiku are very interesting choices on the crazy slices of life experienced now a days. Can’t help but chuckle. 🙂

  36. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal — Andrew Shimield

    after all these years
    Earthrise, again

      1. Thanks, Madeleine and Clysta for noting this contemporary (yet historical) verse. That photo ‘Earthrise’, is unforgettable.
        (I had an ‘Earthrise’ ku selected for a hokku once , here on THF, but . . . it lasted as the hokku only until the daisan was selected. then the sabaki changed my Earthrise verse so there could be a horse’s name in the daisan. Such is life. Two proper nouns so close together (hokku & daisan) is unacceptable and he wanted the horse verse.)

        Thanks also for noticing this Pamela Garry and Nancy Brady (further up/ later on) for noticing, too. Yes, I saw the unforgettable ‘Earthrise’ photo again on early morning news yesterday (AEST) , in context of the news report of William Anders’ death by plane crash. He was flying solo. At the age of 90.

        1. Lorin,
          I remember one renku in which your Earthrise verse was changed (and it may be the same renku as I had my verse changed as well, but I digress). I thought yours as written was a much better fit than the change that was implemented if it makes you feel any better.

          1. Nancy, I’m pretty sure your memory is the same as mine. 🙂 That verse was a 2nd verse, a wakiku. (not a hokku, as I mistakenly wrote, above: that was just my fuzzy memory.)

            But the sabaki is The Sabaki, and has to consider the whole renku, often in advance. I’ve been told that after Basho and co. had concluded a live renku, Basho ‘edited’ the completed poem alone, before it was published.

    1. So poignant Lorin. RIP. I love that THF honors Earthrise every April connecting our haiku community in one turn.

      1. Thanks, Lorin, for bringing “Earthrise” to our attention. I looked the photo up again…so amazing. Your verse is a wonderful tribute to William Ander’s life.

  37. the hoarder busy
    blocking every exit
    *
    one more book in the stack
    on how to declutter
    *
    books on decluttering
    stacked against him
    *

    1. Laurie, what a heartfelt way of presenting this man’s life, clearly showing his conflicting (and ironic) battle to heal.

    1. Carol, it’s wonderful how you have livened up an ordinary routine by the unique selection of verb and use of adjective…what a delight!

      1. Thankyou, madeleine for your kind comment. I think I must have been having a wabi sabi moment 🙂

  38. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    adding field stones to cairns
    at the ends of furrows

  39. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    docking our rocket ship
    at the orbiting station

    1. a pool of diamonds
      pour from the belly of a volcano
      – madeleine kavanagh

      A lively and vivid scene, madeleine, I imagine this view against a night sky.

      1. Awww, thanks Carol. I hadn’t thought about it, but I love the scene against a night sky!

          1. Wendy, thank you for your beautiful and poignant verse. My heart is moved by the second line and yet these words are very hopeful. I was intrigued by “the four diamonds” and looked it up. The four stars are part of “the Great Square of Pegasus”! There is so much to ponder in your verse. 🙂

          2. i am grateful that this verse has lead you to what you want to know and ponder more about, madeleine

  40. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    -Andrew Shimield

    an old abacus’s
    orders of magnitude

  41. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    sand drifting across trails
    in a haboob

  42. Very evocative verse, Andrew. Thank you, Patricia, for your nod to mine.

    accordion plays
    inside the crowded cafe

    grandma gains custody
    of the child

    at breakfast the hobo
    stuffs his pockets

    jewels safely inside
    a wooden chest

    she pores over books
    in the library

    reconstructed teeth
    after the dentist visit

  43. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    —Andrew Shimield

    the key is in the back,
    come on in when you get there

  44. vultures drinking water
    from an elephant’s footprint

    picking up the pieces
    of a shattered heart

    mirages of mermaids
    unlocking a sunken treasure

  45. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    the circular goes
    right in the recycling bin

    picking up the town flyer
    off the drainage grate

  46. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal — Andrew Shimield

    a weekly antique show
    on the castle lawns

    the rocket man gone
    for a long, long time

  47. granddad’s reluctance
    to try hearing aids

    the bride helps my dad
    up the steps

    lost keys found
    on an icebox shelf

    a tear of joy
    at the end

    more scotch
    in the beggar’s can

  48. My first time ever on a long AND a short list. Thank you Patricia for all your guidance. I am glad to know that my Otto has so many clones across the internet. Andrew, this is a fine verse with a pile of opportunities for linking.

    *
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    robins at dawn
    in the key of homestead
    *
    a lilting tune
    opens my memory box
    *

    1. a lilting tune
      opens my memory box
      -Clysta Seney

      This verse is a delight to read, Clysta, Delicate and thoughtful words that convey a depth of emotion.
      I wish I had written these words, however, they have given me a great idea (I think its great) for a painting for a charity regarding the brain, and effects of its deterioration.

      1. Appreciation for your appreciation Carol and for you creating a catalyst for such a worthy cause. Wish I could see the outcome.

        1. Thankyou, Clysta
          When its done I’ll put it on my online gallery provided by Leisure Painter/the Artist.
          Will let you know.

  49. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    stacks of boxes form
    pathways in the hoarder’s hoiuse

  50. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    smashed— the piggy bank she made
    grandpa gifts her coins

  51. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    unexpected snow closes
    the road to my home

  52. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    a photo booth each time
    it’s all the love of trains

  53. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    building a castle from
    the sand of an hourglass

  54. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    designing a tattoo
    of the Loch Ness monster

  55. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    boulders pile up
    on the highway after rain

  56. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    an old show snagged
    on my fishing line

  57. Congratulations, Andrew, for that outstanding verse.

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    –Andrew Shimield

    leafing through book pages
    for dissertation research

    leafing through dusty tomes
    for a history paper

    Thanks, Patricia, for considering some of my verses, and again, congrats Andrew

    1. Nan, I feel compelled to say that there is an irresistible air of mystery in both your poems. I find both, delightful!

      1. Thanks, Madeleine. Appreciate your kind words. So many great verses this week including your diamond one. I’m glad I don’t have to choose verses.

  58. Thanks for selecting my verse, Patricia.
    You had lots of options.
    And thanks for all the kind comments.
    Looking forward to seeing what verse 4 will look like.

  59. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    what to do with the rest
    of the hoarder’s boxes
    *
    the hoarder’s home
    is his fortress
    *
    blocking his door
    with a barricade of boxes
    *
    only boxes answer
    a knock at his door

  60. the church organ player
    still out of key

    she slides the bolt
    on her shotgun

    a small windfall
    from the lottery

  61. *
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    mystery keys
    in the thing-a-majig drawer
    *
    the thing-a-majig drawer
    full of mystery keys
    *]
    the leaning towers of change
    from his pocket
    *
    all he unloads
    from his pocket at evening
    *

  62. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    3
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    fur 4
    house clearance attracts
    a gaggle of neighbours

    sheltered benches detain
    the usual clientèle

    not mentioned on google
    lost among namesakes

    gossiping, hide & seek
    on the blocked motorway

  63. hitchhiking in a hailstorm
    along an empty highway

    waiting for a flock of sheep
    to cross the highway

    riding in a bus with chickens
    down a pot-holed highway

    a monk begging for coins
    on a dusty road

  64. I have been watching this process with great interest … kudos to the poets whose remarkable verses have been chosen.
    Thought I might venture a verse …

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    fraying ropes and bridle
    on nearby hitching post

    or

    nearby standing silent
    the hitching post

  65. an awkward silence follows
    our complete loss of words

    packed shoulder to shoulder
    on the commuter platform

    a few stale breadcrumbs
    are all that’s required

  66. Many thanks for the continuing education… still not quite sure I’m getting it! I am struggling a little on the meaning of syntactically I think. The commentary is really fascinating and useful.

    Anyway a couple of suggestions to follow Andrew’s lovely verse…

    *******************

    lost keys
    rusting atop the cairn

    ******************

    a cry for old iron
    rings round the estate

    Best wishes

    Ben

  67. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal – Andrew Shimield

    that’s Vera’s Land Rover
    in the background
    .
    Rocket Man
    for a long, long time
    .

    1. Lorin, I can’t help but say your poem about Vera’s Land Rover is quite intriguing…with a lot of charm. 🙂

  68. craning necks on the platform
    6:53 late again

    bats flutter back
    to the same stalactites

    toll booth basket
    swallows sixteen quarters

  69. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal – Andrew Shimield

    now it’s King Charles
    on our 50 cent coins

  70. Congratulations Andrew on your enchanting poem! A perfect choice. Thank you Pamela for also choosing such delightful poems in both lists, it will prove very helpful!

    ~ ~ ~

    the scent of fennel
    wafts through the open field

    ~ ~ ~

    a pink trumpet blossom
    floats to the tile

    ~ ~ ~

    the pony and she
    ride along the alfalfa fields

  71. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    in the ancient ruins
    a marble statue

  72. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    an antique porcelain
    dish bought at a Goodwill store

  73. Congrats Andrew and thank you Patricia!

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    ——Andrew Shimield

    my son’s shadow
    is much taller than mine

    our family photo album
    is full of frowns

    each morning I jog
    to the donut shop

    my beautiful brown wife
    blows bubbles in the bathtub

    learning to walk
    is harder the second time

  74. 17 is my lucky number and I am lucky number 17! ? Thank you! ☺️

    I enjoyed reading the submissions and comments too. Ahhh, so much to enjoy and so much to learn. Thank you all.

    Andrew, I love your submission. I truly have never experienced this… it’s wonderful to read.

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    Are the leaves floating on water or scooting on the ground? How do canal lock gates work? Drifting dried leaves when there is water…. piling up when the water goes out….. I Googled for some photos… Arhgh!!! This is so perfect for autumn! Wonderful!

  75. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    smashed together
    twenty cars on the freeway

  76. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal — Andrew Shimield

    my history buried
    in the other hemisphere

  77. Thank you, Patricia, for including my response! I’d also like to thank the THF volunteers for their work & the entire ‘ku community for such an informative conversation & discourse.

    Also, congrats to Andrew. Your poem perfectly captured the visual & overall emotion. I do my best to offer these humble pieces:

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    ——Andrew Shimield

    another generation
    of gentrification awaits

    electric scooters zipping
    up & down the walkway

    news of a new night spot
    somewhere down the street

  78. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    ——Andrew Shimield
    .

    random passersby
    greet each other on the street

  79. Congratulations Andrew, a lovely verse!

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    ——Andrew Shimield
    .

    a stranger alights on a branch
    of the family tree
    .

  80. Congratulations Andrew. The picturesque choices you’ve made for this wonderful verse gives fellow poets myriad paths to explore in the next.
    `
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    `
    runway birds make a mess
    of packed air traffic patterns
    `
    well meaning mom patches
    expensive ripped jeans
    `
    one poignant post
    floods the internet

  81. drifting leaves

    pile up at the lock gates

    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    the rise and fall
    of the hula hoop

    1. hipsters work the rise and fall
      of the hula hoop

      hipsters spin the rise and fall
      of the hula hoop

      kids show off the rise and fall
      of the hula hoop

      boomeranging
      hula hoops

  82. Beautiful verse, Andrew! Beautiful selection and leadership, Patricia!

    drifting leaves

    pile up at the lock gates

    on the old canal
    — Andrew Shimield

    the kitten catches
    that tricky tail

    catch and release
    that kitten’s wild tail

    1. drifting leaves

      pile up at the lock gates

      on the old canal
      — Andrew Shimield

      the lock tender watches
      the cat catch and release

  83. Thank you Patricia for including two
    of my verses on the list, I’m honored
    to be included with so many
    other talented poets there.

    Please correct my last name, it is
    Barkan not Barken.

      1. no need to apologize Patricia—
        you are performing an enormous
        task as our sabaki so two tiny errors
        are nothing compared to the love and effort you are pouring into this renku!

      2. you are performing an enormous
        task as our sabaki so two tiny errors
        are nothing compared to the love and effort you are pouring into this renku!

  84. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    Andrew this was one of my favorites,
    very well done, a nature painting
    combined with a man-made structure
    makes it a special verse.

    Patricia a wonderful selection, and a
    fine change of scenery everyone can
    build on in new ways. Thank you both!

  85. *
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    the combination lost to
    all but muscle memory
    *
    only muscle memory
    recalls the combination

  86. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    a breeze carries
    barbecue scents everywhere

  87. Congratulations, Andrew! Wonderful verse and selection.

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    still looking for
    that long lost key

    clouds in slow motion
    start to cover the sky

  88. *
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    picking a tune on the old
    cigar-box guitar

  89. drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    much honking overhead
    from migrating ducks

  90. Congratulations, Andrew, on a fine third verse. It blends very well with the preceding one and opens up to many, many possibilities for the next verse.

    And thanks for your great candidate selections, comments, and instructions, Patricia. You make participation in this renku both fun and educational.

    Here are my initial suggestions for a fourth verse.

    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

    Andrew Shimield

    old clothes choke
    the donation bin

    piles of used books
    line a narrow aisle

    a long queue for the
    thrift shop checkout

    standing room only
    on the bus ride home

    a phone rings under
    thick coats on a bed

  91. Ouch! My first attempt made it into the final six, but was incorrectly attributed to Dan Campbell. I would be lying if I didn’t confess to being out for all of the name recognition and personal glory one can possibly achieve! I’ll take it any way I can get it! Thanks.

    prancing tubas
    and the perfect spiral
    of a touchdown pass

    1. My deep apologies, Dan–can you see my red face? Thank you, John for making the correction so swiftly.

  92. As always, a great choice, Patricia. Thanks for your comments and insight. Andrew, congratulations–a beautiful, evocative scene.
    *
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal
    *
    Andrew Shimield
    *
    where to hide the shine
    of her heart-shaped key
    *
    trusting her secrets
    to a heart-shaped key
    *

    1. in case it isn’t clear:
      where to hide the shine
      of her heart-shaped diary key
      *
      trusting her secrets
      to a heart-shaped diary key
      *

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