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The Renku Sessions: Side Show – Week 3

renku_300

Hello Everyone—Thank you for all the great writing. I’ve enjoyed reading your work and as you can see below many verses appealed to me.

 

Before I go into my choices for the second verse, I think a discussion of how the “link and shift” property of the renku works might be useful to some. This is probably something many of you already know so please feel free to skip this paragraph. But for those who are interested, this could be helpful as this is how the renku hangs together even though it embodies a myriad of sights, sounds, ideas, and philosophies. Regarding linking: every verse in the renku links to the preceding verse, except for the first verse. Regarding shifting: every verse (e.g. verse 3) in the renku pairs with the verse before it (e.g. verse 2) to create a two-verse scene that shifts the scene away from the verse before it (e.g. verse 1). This rule applies to every verse in the renku except verses 1 and 2 because there is no verse before verse 1 to shift away from. Earlier this week Richard Straw (Richard, I hope you are okay with me using your verses to illustrate this “linking and shifting” concept) wrote a number of fine verses linking to the carnival scene in the first verse:

 

peanut shells littering
the Ferris wheel line

at the ticket taker’s feet
bouquets of red stubs

a painted grimace
on the clown’s face

bodies crowding
the bright midway

roasted corn
in the breeze

fun house mirrors
reflecting smiles

I wrote to Richard that all of these were too close to the carnival scene in verse 1 except for the “roasted corn” verse. It is not that these verses didn’t link well; they did. It’s that it would be impossible to write a verse 3 that, when paired with verse 2, would shift the scene away from the carnival. Only the “roasted corn” verse had enough flexibility to allow reimagining it in another scene—like a backyard BBQ or a luau or Mexican street corner.

 

So every verse starting with verse 3 on will have this requirement—it must link to the previous verse and shift the scene away from the verse before that.

 

With this in mind, here’s what I was looking for in the second verse, the waikiku:

1) a response to the first verse as if it were the host of this renku receiving the arriving guests,

2) an autumn seasonal element

3) a link to the first verse, and

4) openness or flexibility to allow for shifting in the next verse

 

The verses listed in my long list seemed to me at first blush to possibly meet at least two of these four elements:

 

roasted corn
in the breeze

numbers invisible
on the frosted sundial

Richard Straw

 

apple cider and donut holes
on the refreshment table

Nancy Brady

 

diving into the middle
of the leaf pile

the trestle table groans
with apples and gourds

a horn of plenty bursts
over the table’s center

a hearty bearhug
as the long night gets started

the door prize a box
of fresh mulling spices

oak leaves holding on
until the bittersweet end

a path of dropped
dapples leads from the woods

plenty of parking reserved
for the broomsticks

Laurie Greer

 

a tattered bashō
sways in the wind

Andrew Shimield

 

sipping hot cider
from red plastic cups

Michael Henry Lee

 

a stylish scarecrow
flourishes his fedora

outstretched hands
offer a bowl of new rice

yellow and white chrysanthemums
on the dining table

Pauline O’Carolan

 

orange and yellow leaves
swirl into her open hands

Rob Barkan

 

the squirrel’s sleight of hand
as it buries acorns

Ben Oliver

 

bright toothsome smiles
on front porch pumpkins

twenty-odd ducks flying south
home in on their pond

Betty Shropshire

 

sweet sticky fairy floss
by any other name

a file of judges
considers the pumpkins

Lorin Ford

 

late pears & russets
pile the produce tables

Dick Pettit

 

putting together
Mom’s pumpkin pie

Eavonka Ettinger

 

between near and shore
haystacks

all are welcome
in the pumpkin patch

meeting up
in the pumpkin patch

Pamela Garry

 

crows walking in wilted cornfields
like wind-up toys

Dan Campbell

 

one more hayride
under the ebbing light

laughter peels from
the apple bobbing barrels

Jackie Maugh Robinson

 

drowsing next to the wood stove
I listen for your step

Stephanie Baker

 

a crowd gathers around
the giant pumpkin

Carol Jones

 

apple bobbing
damp hair and smiles

Melissa Dennison

 

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

Jonathon Alderfer

 

cricket and i
sing for our supper

princess k

 

 

After some thought, I found the verses in bold, my short list, fulfilled all four of the above requirements.

 

My final choice for verse 2 is:

 

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

Jonathon Alderfer

 

This verse links wonderfully and subtly with the first verse; Jonathon’s “swirl of moths” is a beautiful echo of the juggler’s balls. And the lamp can be imagined to be welcoming the moths with its light. The scene adds to the carnival scene while offering the opportunity for its image to be shifted with the writing of verse 3.

 

I also asked for feedback for a working title for our renku. Here is a summary of the votes or comments:

 

Harvest Festival: 2

Side Show: 5

The Juggler: 0

Harvest Sideshow: 3

Juggler’s Moon: 2

The Hanging Moon: 1

Balls in the Air: 1

Something on the Side: 1

Side Hustle: 1

The Joint: 1

Festival Sideshow: 1

Festival Show: 1

Cornucopia Days: 1

Juggling Joy: 1

Joyous Moon: 1

Harvest Joy: 1

Harvest Moon: 1

 

I’m going to go with Side Show for now.

 

So our renku, so far, is:

 

Side Show

 

the moon joins
a juggler’s side show
harvest festival

Wendy C. Bialek

a swirl of moths
orbits the yellow lamplight

Jonathan Alderfer

 

 

And now here are your instructions for verse 3:

 

  • a three-line autumn verse, the three lines should flow syntactically;
  • link to verse 2 in some fashion;
  • avoid any proper nouns, any mention of religion, war, politics, death, or any wild or bizarre subjects (this section of the renku is like the opening of a party—mostly small talk for now);
  • for the rest of the renku, please avoid any subjects related to festivals or circuses, carnival acts, moons, etc.; also avoid any mention of insects, light, color, or trajectories for the next six verses;
  • submit your verses by midnight PDT Tuesday, June 4.

 

Thank you for all your work. I look forward to seeing what’s in store for this next week,

Patricia

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This Post Has 267 Comments

  1. bare branch tattletales
    the coming storm
    on my window pane

    forest so cold and damp
    pain through my bones
    euphoria through my nostrils

    1. Hi Carol: so happy to see you’re here. Your poem is so full of imagery and succinct and raising awareness, too!

      1. Thankyou, madeleine for your thoughtful comment it is appreciated, and its good to see you posting, also.
        All the very best with your entries.

        1. Awww, thank you Carol, the very best with your entries as well! 🙂

  2. the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival —– Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight —- Jonathan Alderfer

    on the new hay bales
    a barn cat leaping higher
    than Nureyev

  3. the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival –Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight — Jonathan Alderfer

    through the long night
    the whirr of an auntie’s
    spinning wheel

    1. through the long night
      the whirr of an auntie’s
      spinning wheel

      Lorin Ford

      intriguing and
      great verse Lorin, the sound of a spin
      good link too! all the boxes are checked here!
      was wondering if “an” is needed?
      unless you are bringing out the notion
      that it is spookily, spinning by itself?
      or a memory, or?

      1. Interesting query, Wendy. If I deleted “an” then there would just be “auntie” , singular and particular, which would raise the question of a particular identity and also, perhaps, a particular family relationship. (which I don’t want)

        “an auntie”, in many cultures, including that of Australians and island people, is a respectful way of referring to or addressing any woman older than oneself.

        If I lost “an” , the woman spinning would be a particular woman and a sign of direct family relationship. I don’t want that. Keeping “an” , we can hear the spinning wheel and assume that the spinner is one of the local older women who still spin. We don’t need to know which woman, don’t need to know precisely who it is at the spinning wheel throughout the long night. It’s most unlikely that the spinner would be anyone but one of the local aunties.

        1. this is adorable…i love it!
          cardigan is more autumn, where as sweater is more winter…
          LOL! unless you are a scarecrow…an hang outside all the time.

      1. glad you enjoyed it. thanks so much! madeleine
        curious, have you found a link here to Jonathan’s wakiku?

        1. Hi Wendy, yes…trying to come up with an idea that is similar to what is in his verse but different enough to lead us in a different direction, right? (I gotta keep wrapping my brain around this concept. 🙂 I have his link below:

          a swirl of moths
          orbits the yellow lamplight

          1. I was thinking rain, or wind or fog that is similar enough to “swirls”, especially fog. We can’t use color or insects or trajectory..

          2. Madeleine, your words here sound like a great start:

            gotta keep wrapping my brain around this

        2. i was actually asking if you saw any link i made to Jonathan’s with mine above….that you commented on.

          you gave us autumn
          and now as winter nips
          we want a summer

          you are doing fine with your links….not to worry or question yours!

          1. Thanks Wendy…well, the one that stands out in your daisan is “nip” of course. In this case, the link to what moths are capable of doing. I found this to be a very clever link. I am under the impression it must be significant that you mention seasons. I was wondering if you were linking “swirls” to the fog and rain of autumn and snow of winter and linking the bright light of summer to “the yellow lamplight”?

          2. Thanks, Wendy, “the Mighty Joe Young” clip does make the daisan, break away verse easier to grasp… your haiku is marvelous, too!

    1. Hi Wendy, after reading through the beautiful poems just now I noticed that you too have had your sweaters become “favorites” of moths. So of course I would like my cardigan sweater poem not to be considered. 🙂 My apologies.

      1. no, no, no madeleine….i’m writing just for fun.
        since this is a rather short renku, (only 20 verses)
        Patricia sabaki wants to give as many poets a chance
        at it…so, once a verse is selected into renku, that poet
        is eliminated from getting chosen again.

  4. Congratulations Jonathan!
    .
    the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival
    .
    Wendy C. Bialek
    .
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    .
    Jonathan Alderfer
    .
    .
    morning fog
    from the mouth
    of the river, too
    .

    1. A beautiful poem princess k. It’s very peaceful, too… I am happy that you are here. 🙂

      1. Much appreciated Madeleine and likewise, happy that you have joined our renku.

  5. the intoxicating scent
    of jessamine
    floats on the night air

    Alternatively…

    floating on the night air
    the heady scent
    of jessamine

    Jessamine being jasmine. ?

    Some fabulous poetry here, great to see familiar names.

    1. It’s great to see your name, Melissa and familiar names as well! “…Jessamine…” is a charming haiku! This is going to be a fun adventure for all!. 🙂

    2. glad you are back again, Melissa….i love the scent of jasmine, too.
      what a coincidence, your ‘blackbird tapping” poem and name came up recently
      in a discussion down below…in regard to your dash at end of L1…was it intentional or an overlooked accident.

  6. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    approaching the holidays
    with an eye
    on the scales
    *
    an eye
    on the scales
    with thanksgiving behind us
    *

  7. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    slowing with
    the weight of a bag
    filled with treats
    *
    the heart skips
    a beat
    with every new treat
    *
    the heavier the bag
    the lighter
    the heart
    *

  8. the woodpecker’s beat
    in tune
    with my chakra

    swimming
    with salmon
    through the river fog

    1. Tracy i like this chakra version of the woodpecker!
      and swimming with the salmon… is so cool an image.

  9. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    — Jonathan Alderfer

    the fleet of leaves
    outlasting
    the skipping stones

  10. a tube of turkey
    for the space station
    holiday

    scouring the cupboards
    for grand’s
    wassail recipe

    all the elements
    for a perfect
    selfie

  11. O !
    to peer over his shoulder
    while the last leaf stays
    ~
    After the extensive and thoughtful discussions pertaining to haiku without cuts or, as Patricia aptly says, “syntactically”, I realize the punctuation mark in line one IS a cut.
    ~
    Therefore, these edits:
    ~
    O
    to peer over his shoulder
    while the last leaf stays
    ~
    O to peer
    over his shoulder while
    the last leaf stays
    ~
    Choosing the latter

    1. Jackie, this is such a dramatic verse….and you already know how much i love it.
      If you are intent on eliminating the break/cut/kireji by just removing the punctuation here….i would ask you to consider this technique (if i remember it) i have used.
      Based on the belief that breaks are heard internally in a verse. They are not always in word/symbols or punctuation form.

      By reading the verse out load and you naturally hear/feel a pause, there is a chance that that pause is also considered a break.

      1. Wendy, thank you so much for reminding me of the sound elements in haiku and other short form verse. It has been quite a long time since I learned that and I’ve been going through several of my poems to try out this essential concept. Sure enough, the senses don’t let me down. If we mostly write in isolation, how easy it is to fall into the habit of silence. Indeed this reminder of the importance of community and collaboration is to be fostered and cherished. You’ve made my day. Heck. I talk to myself all the time. So why not recite my own and others’ poetry to have something more worthy to say aloud than, “O ratts, I should’ve got the mail while I was out there!”
        ~
        making small talk
        with the breeze—
        a robin chimes in

    2. O !
      to peer over his shoulder
      while the last leaf stays
      ~
      Please disregard the above edits. For better or not, THIS is the original and FINAL draft!

  12. Hi Patricia, (I am a little late:/ ) I was delighted when I heard of the new Renku Sessions, Side Show…I am finding the feedback of yours and fellow poets very helpful! …Thank you 🙂

    1. Congratulations Jonathan, on your splendid verse.

      fog
      hanging over
      the wooded lake

      ~ ~ ~

      a zinnia
      stands out
      among the bedraggled flowers

      ~ ~ ~

      dahlia petals
      carried away
      by the fresh wind

    2. Madeleine, I am thrilled that you came! I’ve been holding a seat for you! Pamela

      1. Awww, Pamela, thank you for holding a seat for me! 🙂 I am thrilled you are here, too!

  13. Patricia…has reassuringly responded,
    that she is out of range of this wildfire.

      1. just keeping the seat warm for you! madeleine

        (pamela…we also think alike!)

  14. Patricia,
    Just heard about the wildfires that are raging out there…and wondering if you
    safe?

    1. Thanks, Everyone, for your concern. I am, luckily, away from the wildfire although on Saturday we were driving across the grassy hills just as it was getting underway. We saw a huge cloud of smoke as it was blowing east and we were heading west to the other side of the hills. The grass, even though we had rain all winter, is already dry and the wind had picked up so the fire spread very quickly. Fortunately it was cool today so the firefighters had a chance to contain it–the latest report is 85% contained which is good but tomorrow the weather turns extremely hot (over 100 deg F) for the next two days making things dicey once again.
      I apologize for the delay in responding this week. My granddaughter’s engagement party was Saturday and I wanted to make her a special memory book–it took all my spare time and energy. I’m glad to see you’ve been carrying on with much good writing.

  15. *
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    the remaining husks
    of sunflowers rattle
    with riches

  16. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight – Jonathan Alderfer

    a crisp breeze
    flowing through
    bare-limbed trees

    scarecrows dream
    about dancing
    through piles of leaves

    a wind chime
    symphony composed
    by a crispy breeze

  17. Congratulations, Jonathan, on your verse.

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow limelight
    –Jonathan Alderfer

    drill team flags
    entangle during
    the homecoming procession

    brass bands
    and batons
    under stadium lights

    brass bands
    and twirling batons
    on the football field

    mums
    on the lapels
    of the homecoming court

    mums
    on each dress
    of a homecoming court

    Thanks, Patricia, for including one of my verses on the long list. I appreciate that it was under consideration.

    1. Darn it, Otto. You changed limelight to limelight I don’t want the limelight. My apologies, Jonathan.

      a swirl of moths
      orbits the yellow lamplight
      –Jonathan Alderfer

        1. Eavonka, Once I type it, I don’t look back. That’s when Otto comes along and changes it. He did it again when I tried to correct it. Lamplight, lamplight, lamplight. Quit messing with me, Otto.

      1. hi Nan,
        editcrow wants Otto to know, he thinks he’s on to something, editcrow
        loves ‘limes’…he jumps on them, especially on Cinco de Mayo …doing his somersaults. And when it comes to ‘light’..he wants Otto to look into the night sky tonight and search for at least six planets that will come into alignment! editcrow and i wonder if six planets can come into alignment
        why on earth can’t we?

        1. Wendy,
          You and editcrow make an excellent point. Why can’t we come into alignment? Haiku poets from around the world seem to find peace within the community. Cheering on fellow poets’ successes, worrying over wildfires affecting poet-friends near and far, etc. If haijin can do it, why not the rest of the globe? Nan

          Otto approves this message (and looking back over the text has not messed with it one iota.)

        2. wendy nancy eavonka this thread is hilarious
          and poignant all at the same time

          1. Thanks, Rob. It is all Otto’s and editcrow’s fault for the hilarity, and it is all Wendy’s and Eavonka’s gift for the poignancy. ~Nan (playing the Age of Aquarius in the background)

  18. the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival – Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight – Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    eyeing my cat
    through the window
    a doe stomps her hoof

  19. the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival – Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight – Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    just out of sight
    the geese honking
    away
    *

  20. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    — Jonathan Alderfer

    ladybugs
    readying to hibernate
    alights on leaf litter

      1. Oops oops, no insects, no ladybugs.

        wild mushroom caps
        muddling through
        leaf litter

  21. *
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    bringing an umbrella
    to prevent
    the chill rain
    *
    fiddling with the umbrella
    between spurts
    of chilly rain
    *

  22. the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival –

    Wendy C. Bialek

    harmonious
    this is the last port

    Nani Mariani

    1. wendy because of my love of
      quaking aspens, this one is
      deer to my heart, quite poignant

  23. the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival – Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight – Jonathan Alderfer

    birch leaves and rain
    falling outside the window,
    we play Scrabble

  24. the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival – Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight – Jonathan Alderfer

    petal by petal
    or with a great thud
    the camellias

    1. Wendy, Patricia has asked for “a three-line autumn verse,. . . ” so to that would have to entail references to autumn, don’t you think? My guess is that we just avoid the word autumn/Autumn. It is a proper noun. (I may be off-track, this is just my best guess)

      Since we have ‘yellow’ in the wakiku, we wouldn’t want a stated colour again so close, would we? So I understand that one.

      As for no proper nouns at this stage, I’m not sure but Patricia does know. My guess is it’s because ‘autumn’ is a proper noun, the name of a season, and we already have it.

      It’s all about the renku progressing forward.
      .

      1. The names of the seasons—spring, summer, fall or autumn, and winter—are not proper nouns, so they only get capitalized when other common nouns get capitalized.

        When to Capitalize Seasons | Merriam-Webster

        Lorin,
        Have you stopped googling?

        No need for guessing
        or trying to catch
        the autumn wind

        1. yeah, I’m suffering from brain rot/ brain fog. Wrote a haiku about that recently. Also suffering from from recent concussion.
          True, the names of the seasons are not proper nouns, just common nouns, like cat, dog and rabbit.

          1. Thank you for sharing this with me, Lorin.
            That explains a lot…..and for now i will not expect
            total comprehension from you.
            So, sorry to hear about your medical injury, Lorin.
            i hope it’s short term with superficial deficits.

            going easy….your friend,
            wendy

        1. “and….Lorin
          we don’t (already) have autumn” – Wendy C. Bialek

          Don’t we ? To my mind, there are two autumn references in our hokku: ‘moon’ (check moon via Higginson’s ‘500 Essential Japanese Season Words’
          http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html

          And, ‘harvest festival’ , which to my mind, usually refers to an autumn event where the harvest is that of grains (e.g. traditional wheat, barley, rye, corn) that ripen in autumn. Also, the harvesting of fruit that ripen in autumn, such as apples, and also vegetables that can be stored through winter (such as pumpkins) are celebrated, associated with autumn harvest festivals, too.
          So I googled for your part of the world, and: “Top 10 Harvest Festivals Around the World” —

          “Thanksgiving, a U.S. holiday on the fourth Thursday of November, originated in the fall of 1621, when Pilgrims celebrated their successful wheat crop and overflowing store cupboards with a three-day feast. ”
          https://www.nationalgeographic.com/travel/article/harvest-festivals

          the moon (autumn) joins
          a juggler’s side show
          harvest (autumn) festival – Wendy C. Bialek

      2. By “a three-line autumn verse” I take Patricia to mean that this daisan verse should be compatible with the autumn season set by the hokku, and not have an incompatible seasonal reference. Perhaps our sabaki will clarify whether, beyond compatibility with autumn, an autumn season word is required in V3 — and if so, whether we are referred to a particular saijiki or relying on our reason, seasonal observation and common sense.

        1. Hi, Keith and all–Yes, I am looking for an autumn verse which means it should contain a seasonal reference. I am open to seasonal references from any of the saijiki–Higginson’s, the 500 essential word list for renku Higginson compiled, Gabi Greve’s World Kigo Data Base, the Yuki Teikei kigo list. If you use an autumn reference that is peculiar to your region and you think I might not be familiar with it, please make a note explaining it.

      3. Lorin and Keith
        i think i figured it out..why we are not on the same page here….
        i am talking about the WORD “autumn” mentioned in the renku
        and you believe i am talking about seasonal reference to autumn mentioned in renku.
        so when i said, we have no autumn yet in the renku. you are seeing oranges and i’m talking apples.
        also…..this posting i made originally, was not for an offering….it was to Jonathan to resonate with his mention of Dylan’s work.
        i posted about these rules….so no one would follow my breaking of the rules in their offerings…..this was sort of like a private sharing with
        Jonathan.
        Concerning harvest festivals….when i wrote the hokku…i didn’t think about
        any USA holidays….i believe the gathering of fruits/vegs/grains etc. are celebrated world wide.

        i do hope we could all move on now, put this behind us, and in fairness to Jonathan let him have the good, supporting attention on his great 2nd. verse he deserves and get on with the wonderful spirit of creating a communal artwork.

  25. searching for words
    that rhyme with
    chimney smoke

    echoes
    of grandpa
    chopping firewood

    this year
    I’ll migrate
    instead of hibernate

  26. who needs craft supplies
    when the forest floors
    are filled with leaves

    1. revised to:

      endless craft supplies
      when the forest floors
      are filled with leaves

      1. Hi Wendy,

        Was this in reference to mine, in the previous renku post comments? 🙂

        the forest floor…
        a giant mural of changing leaves

        Diana Ming Jeong

  27. rummaging
    through cabin drawers
    for warmer blankets

    tonight
    she will dig out
    the down quilts

    with jeans rolled up
    we all wade
    into the cold lake

      1. Thank you, Rob! I stay up way too late most nights and really enjoy listening to them as well. ?

  28. a swirl of moths

    orbits the yellow lamplight
    Jonathan Alderfer

    such a calming image Jonathan
 ??

    *
    tabby cats
    tussle with a
    lost straw hat
    *
    wrens start a chat room
    on the straw brim
    of scarecrow’s hat
    *
    halved spaghetti squash
    baked, fork raked, topped
    and served in its skin
    *
    the fourth grade class
    trade their hand strung
    chamomile bead bracelets
    *

    1. Clysta, i love eating spaghetti squash, too! and i love your playful, ‘wrens in the chat rooms’

      1. Thanks Wendy! I continue to be amazed at the bounty of verses you, Dan and Laurie create…one fine day … Besides fun, the renku is a deep learning experience.

        1. blushing with joy, Clysta! yes, i agree! i love the enthusiasm and high quality offerings…this is a great place to have fun, share creations and learning from discussions.

  29. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    – Jonathan Alderfer

    waving
    to the scarecrow
    on a hayride

    shouted halleluia
    while hitchhiking
    in a hailstorm

  30. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamp
    — Jonathan Alderfer

    disbanding
    off the school bus
    first round trip

    1. mackerel sky
      preserved
      in the canning cellar window

      mackerel clouds
      preserved
      in the canning cellar window

    2. herringbone sky
      preserved
      in the canning cellar window

      herringbone clouds
      preserved
      in the canning cellar window

      sardine sky
      preserved
      in the canning cellar window

      sardine clouds
      preserved
      in the canning cellar window

          1. I agree with Wendy, Rob. These are all beautiful and should be preserved! 🙂

  31. Side Show
    —-
    1.
    the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival –Wendy C. Bialek
    2.
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight — Jonathan Alderfer

    even the maple leaves
    on the horror book’s
    cover shake

  32. car windows open wide
    winter’s around the bend
    but we don’t care

    the spike antlers
    of a young buck tangled up
    in blue asters

      1. a caution note to all:
        in my above post…
        i have knowingly broken some sabaki/traditional renku rules;

        no autumn
        no colours
        and no proper nouns!

        1. um, Wendy :
          “And now here are your instructions for verse 3:
          ….
          a three-line autumn verse, the three lines should flow syntactically; …” – Patricia

          1. i see the interpretation problem i have committed here, Lorin.
            Perhaps this will make it clear.

            missing autumn references
            no colours
            and no proper nouns!

            kindly, let me know if this is better for you or still needs some work

            at any rate….thanks for the inspiration.

    1. “. . . tangled up
      in blue asters ”

      🙂 Nice, Johnathon. A fellow Bob Dylan fan , I see. ( A haiku of mine you might be interested in, first published in ‘Presence 76’ this year, will be in ‘Haiku 24’ “this Summer” (editors: Lee Gurga and Scott Metz) . 🙂
      I’m assuming “this summer” is the Northern Hemisphere Summer . (I wish I was there. Today is the 2nd day of my winter.)

  33. dancing alone
    on a frosty night
    to stay warm

    reciting
    soliloquies
    during the power outage

    buttoning up
    the sweater
    on the scarecrow

    tap dancing
    in a
    pile of leaves

    1. “buttoning up”

      excellent dan we don’t have to be
      told the cold weather is coming
      (and it’s compassionate in a make
      believe way)

      1. reciting
        soliloquies
        during the power outage

        Well,. Jonathan, that kudo didn’t go as planned. Soliloquies [in the dark]—great imagery.

    2. Hi Dan,
      `
      reciting
      soliloquies
      during the power outage
      `
      My bad, Dan. I meant this for YOU. Wish this format allowed for deleting “sent” comments. So embarrassing. Gotta be more careful
      `
      Well,. Jonathan, that kudo didn’t go as planned. Soliloquies [in the dark]—great imagery.

  34. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    drifting leaves
    pile up at the lock gates
    on the old canal

  35. I have no idea what happened , but I can’t get rid of any of that text of Patricia’s or my post of verses.

    All I can do is post my offered verses again & hope the same thing doesn’t happen.

    Side Show
    —-
    1.
    the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival –Wendy C. Bialek
    2.
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight — Jonathan Alderfer

    autumn leaves
    caught in a willi-willi’s
    whirling dance

    fallen leaves
    of virginia creeper
    gone with the wind

      1. Lorin,
        i can totally relate to this experience.
        when i tried to select text from above
        copying and pasting into the window
        to post what i believed i have selected
        for a comment…only to find that my cursor
        dragged the entire renku page. LUCKILY
        i discovered it before it was entered.
        But it took a long time to narrow it down
        within the window to JUST my selected text.

        Perhaps John or Jim can rake the leaves…
        doing a little autumn cleaning?

        inspired by your innocent but unfortunate
        “covfefe” and what it saw:

        autumn morn
        and the sudden trajectory
        of leaves awakening

        1. “. . . tangled up
          in blue asters ”

          🙂 Nice, Johnathon. A fellow Bob Dylan fan , I see. ( A haiku of mine you might be interested in, first published in ‘Presence 76’ this year, will be in ‘Haiku 24’ “this Summer” (editors: Lee Gurga and Scott Metz) . 🙂
          I’m assuming “this summer” is the Northern Hemisphere Summer . (I wish I was there. Today is the 2nd day of my winter.)

        2. “covfefe” … sounds like Donald Duck trying to say ‘confetti’ in French, Wendy.
          (Meanwhile, back at the ranch… 🙂 )

  36. The Renku Sessions: Side Show – Week 3

    May 30, 2024
    John StevensonRenku Sessions

    renku_300

    Hello Everyone—Thank you for all the great writing. I’ve enjoyed reading your work and as you can see below many verses appealed to me.

    Before I go into my choices for the second verse, I think a discussion of how the “link and shift” property of the renku works might be useful to some. This is probably something many of you already know so please feel free to skip this paragraph. But for those who are interested, this could be helpful as this is how the renku hangs together even though it embodies a myriad of sights, sounds, ideas, and philosophies. Regarding linking: every verse in the renku links to the preceding verse, except for the first verse. Regarding shifting: every verse (e.g. verse 3) in the renku pairs with the verse before it (e.g. verse 2) to create a two-verse scene that shifts the scene away from the verse before it (e.g. verse 1). This rule applies to every verse in the renku except verses 1 and 2 because there is no verse before verse 1 to shift away from. Earlier this week Richard Straw (Richard, I hope you are okay with me using your verses to illustrate this “linking and shifting” concept) wrote a number of fine verses linking to the carnival scene in the first verse:

    peanut shells littering
    the Ferris wheel line

    at the ticket taker’s feet
    bouquets of red stubs

    a painted grimace
    on the clown’s face

    bodies crowding
    the bright midway

    roasted corn
    in the breeze

    fun house mirrors
    reflecting smiles

    I wrote to Richard that all of these were too close to the carnival scene in verse 1 except for the “roasted corn” verse. It is not that these verses didn’t link well; they did. It’s that it would be impossible to write a verse 3 that, when paired with verse 2, would shift the scene away from the carnival. Only the “roasted corn” verse had enough flexibility to allow reimagining it in another scene—like a backyard BBQ or a luau or Mexican street corner.

    So every verse starting with verse 3 on will have this requirement—it must link to the previous verse and shift the scene away from the verse before that.

    With this in mind, here’s what I was looking for in the second verse, the waikiku:

    1) a response to the first verse as if it were the host of this renku receiving the arriving guests,

    2) an autumn seasonal element

    3) a link to the first verse, and

    4) openness or flexibility to allow for shifting in the next verse

    The verses listed in my long list seemed to me at first blush to possibly meet at least two of these four elements:

    roasted corn
    in the breeze

    numbers invisible
    on the frosted sundial

    Richard Straw

    apple cider and donut holes
    on the refreshment table

    Nancy Brady

    diving into the middle
    of the leaf pile

    the trestle table groans
    with apples and gourds

    a horn of plenty bursts
    over the table’s center

    a hearty bearhug
    as the long night gets started

    the door prize a box
    of fresh mulling spices

    oak leaves holding on
    until the bittersweet end

    a path of dropped
    dapples leads from the woods

    plenty of parking reserved
    for the broomsticks

    Laurie Greer

    a tattered bashō
    sways in the wind

    Andrew Shimield

    sipping hot cider
    from red plastic cups

    Michael Henry Lee

    a stylish scarecrow
    flourishes his fedora

    outstretched hands
    offer a bowl of new rice

    yellow and white chrysanthemums
    on the dining table

    Pauline O’Carolan

    orange and yellow leaves
    swirl into her open hands

    Rob Barkan

    the squirrel’s sleight of hand
    as it buries acorns

    Ben Oliver

    bright toothsome smiles
    on front porch pumpkins

    twenty-odd ducks flying south
    home in on their pond

    Betty Shropshire

    sweet sticky fairy floss
    by any other name

    a file of judges
    considers the pumpkins

    Lorin Ford

    late pears & russets
    pile the produce tables

    Dick Pettit

    putting together
    Mom’s pumpkin pie

    Eavonka Ettinger

    between near and shore
    haystacks

    all are welcome
    in the pumpkin patch

    meeting up
    in the pumpkin patch

    Pamela Garry

    crows walking in wilted cornfields
    like wind-up toys

    Dan Campbell

    one more hayride
    under the ebbing light

    laughter peels from
    the apple bobbing barrels

    Jackie Maugh Robinson

    drowsing next to the wood stove
    I listen for your step

    Stephanie Baker

    a crowd gathers around
    the giant pumpkin

    Carol Jones

    apple bobbing
    damp hair and smiles

    Melissa Dennison

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathon Alderfer

    cricket and i
    sing for our supper

    princess k

    After some thought, I found the verses in bold, my short list, fulfilled all four of the above requirements.

    My final choice for verse 2 is:

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathon Alderfer

    This verse links wonderfully and subtly with the first verse; Jonathon’s “swirl of moths” is a beautiful echo of the juggler’s balls. And the lamp can be imagined to be welcoming the moths with its light. The scene adds to the carnival scene while offering the opportunity for its image to be shifted with the writing of verse 3.

    I also asked for feedback for a working title for our renku. Here is a summary of the votes or comments:

    Harvest Festival: 2

    Side Show: 5

    The Juggler: 0

    Harvest Sideshow: 3

    Juggler’s Moon: 2

    The Hanging Moon: 1

    Balls in the Air: 1

    Something on the Side: 1

    Side Hustle: 1

    The Joint: 1

    Festival Sideshow: 1

    Festival Show: 1

    Cornucopia Days: 1

    Juggling Joy: 1

    Joyous Moon: 1

    Harvest Joy: 1

    Harvest Moon: 1

    Side Show
    —-
    1.
    the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival –Wendy C. Bialek

    2.
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight — Jonathan Alderfer

    autumn leaves
    caught in a willi-willi’s
    whirling dance

    fallen leaves
    of virginia creeper
    gone with the wind

  37. Lovely verse, Jonathon.

    Thank you for consideration of mine, Patricia, especially of the shortlisted one. I was very excited!

    long night
    sewing patches
    on the children’s clothes

    the scarecrow’s hat
    has a hole
    in the crown

    in the barn
    a haystack
    stands sentinel

    did you hear
    footsteps
    in the fog

  38. power outage
    on a frosty night –
    dancing to stay warm

    power outage
    on a frosty night –
    counting her heartbeats

    1. Dan, the one and only 3 line verse that has a ‘cut’ or ‘break’ in a renku is the hokku, verse 1.

      All of the other 3 line verses are ‘uncut’. That means what some might call a ‘run on’ or ‘flow on’ – no cut & no cut marker.

      (I mean this to be helpful, nothing more)

      1. i agree, Lorin,
        when the sabaki chooses to follow traditional renku rules,
        as it appears to me to be Patricia’s leanings.
        However, having been exposed to the the former sabaki of
        the “Timber Smoke” renku…where Marshall allowed certain
        ‘designer verses’ to take on a break…one can easily become
        confused.

        burning autumn’s midnight oil
        at the writing desk
        confused

        1. ‘designer verses’ , Wendy? Perhaps I should read through Marshall H’s (I assume) ‘Timber Smoke’. (It’s one I didn’t follow or read, but I will read it through, for my (possible) enlightenment)
          One question: if a sabaki chooses NOT to follow the basic traditional renku rules, can the resulting thing still be called a renku (haikai no renga) ?

          1. Lorin,
            i support reading, learning and growing towards enlightenment…how ever way one chooses to arrive.

            And, my point is that every sabaki has their own way to guide renku. By going on the trip, and surrendering with each and every sabaki, i have grown.

            As to your question, about the resulting renku…my answer is that the answer is in the eyes of the beholder.
            hopefully…they are clear of clouds.

        2. If you cast an eye over, for example, Bashō & co’s The Monkey’s Straw Raincoat you will see many verses in it that are ‘cut’ with cutting words. And if you look back to the first elaboration of renga rules, the Yakumo mishō by Emperor Juntoku (1221), you find that each verse in sequence should be independent both grammatically and semantically (Carter, Steven D. “Rules, Rules, and More Rules: Shōhaku’s Renga Rulebook of 1501.” Harvard Journal of Asiatic Studies, vol. 43, no. 2, 1983, pp. 581–642.). But as another compiler of renga rules, Yoshimoto, noted in 1372: “as time passes, styles change, and there is no need to adhere to old precedents. But neither may one simply follow one’s own preferences or incline too far toward one’s own prejudices. Rather, one must look to the rules in use among masters of one’s own time.

          That’s why we have a sabaki, and each may have a different view and guidance…

          1. Fair enough, Keith.
            I don’t have Japanese (or any language apart from English, for that matter) so I can’t peruse Basho’s ‘The Monkey’s Straw Raincoat’. I do have the book ‘Monkey’s Raincoat ‘by Matsuo Basho, translated by Maeda Cana.
            Sometimes I suspect the issue for me might have its roots more in the “divided by a common language” region than in Basho’s translators.

          2. Having read ‘Timber Smoke’ now, I find nothing unorthodox, nothing that would bring up the term “designer verses” (whatever that might mean) to my mind. All I can find is a small dash that I imagine has been simply overlooked:

            a black bird tapping–
            smiles and thanks me for
            the seed — Melissa Dennison

            It’s certainly not indicating a cut or break. I’d lay odds that the dash, at the end of L1, is just the sort of oversight we all make. Probably, all the sabaki needed was a proof reader.

          3. Lorin: Where I began renga/renku was here, under the excellent and patient tutelage of John Stevenson our host. I was very taken with the principle that with the exception of the hokku, we shouldn’t be looking for a cut and a juxtaposition within succeeding verses, as the juxtaposition comes in the shift between one verse and the next. That approach also favours a smoother and pleasing flow as the renga proceeds. I like it. I’m very comfortable indeed with Patricia’s admirably clear and coherent guidance as this renku gets under way.

            I can also find logical attractions in Marshall’s approach specifically allowing grammatically ‘cut’ verses, which in his guidance he dubbed ‘designer verses’, at certain major verses such as moon or blossom, or at turning points (or sheets) in the renga.

            Renga being full of ‘rules’ and me being a natural rebel and explorer, I went off to read what I could find about renga and its development. And also, equipped with Japanese dictionaries and useful material on basic grammar together with Ueda’s and Shirane’s lists of kireji, I do what I can to take the masters’ verses to pieces, having realised that translators’ renderings of the Japanese old masters into English are often, shall we say, elastic. I found that there are ample, impeccable precedents for renga verses with cuts in the middle, for those with cutting-particles (notably ‘kana’) at the end, and for verses that are seemingly uncut that sometimes comprise a single image, or other times a flowing sentence that contains two and may be considered to have in it a juxtaposition without a marked cut. Basho also noted that a verse could sometimes be considered cut without a cutting word, and that he’d seen verses with a cutting word inserted that nevertheless were not really cut by it.

            So my answer to your question in the context of crafting: “if a sabaki chooses NOT to follow the basic traditional renku rules, can the resulting thing still be called a renku (haikai no renga)?” is “yes.” A sabaki has a wide range of precedent from which to choose, as far as the crafting of haikai verses is concerned. Less room for manoeuvre as far as subjects and repetition thereof, which has been pretty well tied down since Shōhaku 1501, and I see none as concerns the underlying principle of progression avoiding uchikoshi and kannonbiraki — linking to the last but one verse &c. Always with a nod to Yoshimoto’s commendably forward-thinking comment on ‘rules’ and the masters of one’s own time taking precedence, cited above.

          4. “But neither may one simply follow one’s own preferences or incline too far toward one’s own prejudices. Rather, one must look to the rules in use among masters of one’s own time.” – Keith

            I can’t argue with that.

          5. Keith, re this one, in ‘Timber Smoke’, that short hyphen doesn’t seem to be punctuation nor does it seem to me to be intended to be a cut marker.

            a black bird tapping–
            smiles and thanks me for
            the seed — Melissa Dennison

            The verse makes better sense to me if it is punctuated, thus:

            a black bird, tapping,
            smiles and thanks me for
            the seed

  39. *
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    sharpening
    #2 pencils
    on the first day of school
    *

  40. *
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    making a best friend
    on the school bus
    the very first day
    *

      1. amazingly good, Laurie

        the school bus driver

        the other one with the friends on the school bus
        is the memory verse

  41. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    prancing tubas
    and the perfect spiral
    of a touchdown pass

    1. a perfect snapshot in time
      of an autumn hs football game
      the flow of words is amazingly
      smooth dan

      1. Thanks to Wendy and Rob for reading mine and offering your encouragement. I’m afraid I may have written myself out of contention with my reference to a “spiral.” I am a newcomer here with an addiction to haiku. As I understand, renku’s first verse avoids the “two-partness” basic to haiku. Instead, the three line verse is rather monochromatic, while it relies on the complimentary 2 line verse for counterpoint.

        I hope to spend some time here while cutting back on haiku. I have been posting on the literary equivalent of a restroom wall! Regards, DM.

  42. Haikudos Johnathan, for this perfect verse that gives me the sense of a warm watercolor scene..

    the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival
    -Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    -Jonathan Alderfer

    among friends
    tied third-game kerfuffle
    stirs chill night air

    autumn zephyrs
    flutter memoir pages
    cool my tea

    O !
    to peer over his shoulder
    while the last leaf stays

    juvenile fox fur’s
    signs of the cold
    twinging my knees

    shorter days
    with early crisp grass
    quick to thaw

    rocking on the porch
    they wave smile wave
    to back to schoolers

    1. I can’t resist commenting. Jackie, I love this one:

      O !
      to peer over his shoulder
      while the last leaf stays
      — Jackie Maugh Robinson

      1. And this one!

        rocking on the porch
        they wave smile wave
        to back to schoolers
        — Jackie Maugh Robinson

        1. O How kind! I so appreciate you for letting me know . As for your leaf in ice water, it’s fun to watch the process when a poet works the wording. It landed just right :^D ❣️

    2. Patricia, thank you so many for the helpful tutorial. “Syntactically” was just the right instruction to help me avoid the mistakes I surely would have made! (unless I didn’t?) As to proper nouns, did I maneuver around the proper noun admonition with the ‘O !’ for ‘Oh!’ ?

      1. Jackie–your O made me smile–it never occurred to me that it might be a noun, proper or otherwise!

      1. Wendy and Pamela,
        High praise coming from you both. In turn, I’m so enjoying the creativity of your own lovely poems. Haikudos! I haven’t participated in these renku sessions in well over three years. Looks like I chose the perfect time to join everyone here.. Having so much fun writing and learning.
        ~
        village to village
        master and students
        plant spoken gardens
        —Jackie

  43. pulled into
    the farm stand’s sign
    fresh picked wild mushrooms

    drawn to
    the farm stand’s sign
    fresh picked wild mushrooms

    1. trying to make these into verses with no breaks:

      pulled into
      fresh picked wild mushrooms sign
      at the farm stand

      drawn to
      fresh picked wild mushrooms sign
      at the farm stand

  44. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    night turns the frost down
    to a low
    crackle

  45. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    geese through the squeak
    of a window washed
    with old newspapers

  46. in the coolness
    our laughter gathers around
    the bonfire
    .

    unfaithful wind
    urges a line of geese
    to keep moving
    .

    searching for a home
    acorns shower down from
    the treetops

  47. the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival

    —– Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    —- Jonathan Alderfer

    the scarecrow
    dressed up
    like a scarecrow

    the scarecrow wears
    my partially eaten sweater
    inside out

    my wool sweater
    has also become
    their favourite

  48. Congratulations, Johnathan . 🙂

    the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival – Wendy C. Bialek

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight – Jonathan Alderfer

    through drifting fog
    a glimpse of old possum’s
    favourite cat
    .
    the froth blown off
    of our beer jugs by a gust
    of autumn wind
    .
    .

    1. +

      blowing the froth
      off of our beer jugs
      the autumn wind

      an autumn wind gust
      shuffles everyone’s
      scrabble tiles

  49. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer

    What an excellent verse Jonathan. Nature poems
    are very dear to my heart and this one is exquisite.
    Also the wording is so graceful and rhythmic.

    I cherish that the Side Show Renku is firmly in the hands of a capable, compassionate and superbly educational sabaki. Thank you Patricia, I am very grateful for every moment you spend with us.

    1. and thank you patricia for including one of mine
      in the long list, that was special to see…

  50. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    — Jonathan Alderfer

    Indian summers
    we still struggle to read
    the smoke signals

  51. 1
    the moon joins
    a juggler’s side show
    harvest festival
    2
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    3
    a garbage truck
    sucks up waste & debris
    watering the streets

    the morning rush
    no one loiters by windows
    on route to the office

    a little melée
    an off-duty policewoman
    watches and waits

  52. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    *******

    a glimpse of home
    through the thinning canopy
    tawny owl hoots

    gathering leaves
    to the smoky fire
    grampy’s whistle

    staking a claim
    to the village blackberry patch
    rival thrushes

  53. a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    rumors of
    a bat
    cue the spooky music

  54. Thank you, Patricia, for being so helpful in your instructions and descriptions. I am learning so much! Being on the long list made me feel I’m on the right track. I couldn’t agree with your choice for the 2nd verse more!

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer

    the lulling
    melody of the baby’s
    crib mobile

    taking
    another lap around
    the track

  55. *
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    the shiver
    of a ghost story
    stops the night
    *
    night stops
    in the shiver
    of a ghost story
    *
    eyes widen with “then what”
    at a pause
    in the ghost story
    *

  56. a super-fine wakiku, Jonathan i also enjoyed, ‘orbits’ a link to the moon as well as the arc made by the juggler’s props. the knowledge you show about the light spectrum of the yellow lamplight, attracting moths, is also meritable ….if it were a yellow light bulb moths would avoid it.

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    — Jonathan Alderfer

    Patricia….for our wakiku, you masterfully honed in on the best choice! also loving the outstanding educational guidance you share in your text, instructions and short/long lists.

    thanks for placing up a great, working title to our renku!

  57. Everyone is so awesome with their responses and generous with their comments. This is such a wonderful way to participate and learn. Thank you!

    horse hooves
    echo along
    damp cobblestone

    we warm our hands
    with steaming mugs
    of hot apple cider

    somewhere
    a screen door
    clattering

  58. *
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    holding still
    under a quilt of leaves
    on the first cold night
    *

  59. A gorgeous verse, Jonathan and a beautiful image, congratulations. A wonderful choice, Patricia. And thankyou for pondering on one of mine.

  60. Thank you Patricia for the lesson. I don’t know. I am still learning. I was distracted reading all the comments, my mind was all over the place. I am still new to this so I’ll keep trying. Let me think about this. I read all your fine selections but didn’t recognize them the first time I read them. It makes some sense in my brain now. I love the selection.

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    — Jonathan Alderfer

    I have witnessed this often, but couldn’t get the memory out… Jonathan, what a great hokku. I didn’t see yours at first as time didn’t permit me. Now it will stay with me forever.

    -Diana

  61. Thank you Patricia for your kind words and insights. I’m honored to have my verse chosen for the wakiku! And a heartfelt thanks to this inspiring community of fellow poets. I’m looking forward to following the twists and turns of the renku over the coming weeks, reading everyone’s verses, and continuing to participate.

    1. Congratulations, Jonathan! I absolutely adore your verse. So layered and thoughtful.

  62. Hi Patricia, this is my first time participating in the Renku, so if I’m doing something wrong (procedurally or otherwise) please let me know.
    Here’s a link to Jonathan’s verse I’d like to submit. Thank you!

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    -Jonathon Alderfer

    a stone labyrinth
    takes me on the scenic route
    to chrysanthemums

  63. Thanks, Patricia, for your very helpful comments on linking and shifting. You’re free to use any of my little efforts anytime you wish. And congratulations, Jonathon, on having your fine link selected. It brings to mind times I spent on my grandfather’s porch.

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathon Alderfer

    the creaking chains
    of a damp porch swing
    the only sound

    bent stubs of
    smoldering cigarettes
    in an ashtray

    a passing train
    drowning out the song
    on the radio

    1. Jonathan, I apologize for misspelling your name twice with a second “o” rather than a second “a.”

    2. a mile away
      the courthouse clock
      chiming the hour

      on wood steps
      children fidgeting
      to stay awake

      the young father
      laughing and smoking
      another cigarette

      in a man’s jacket
      the young mother looking
      up at the stars

  64. Congratulations, Jonathan. Such a dynamic, visual, stimulating verse! It works well on its own and in the larger renku. Thanks, Patricia, for the insight into the form and into these verses specifically. So thrilled to be a contender.
    *
    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    looking for a planet
    where leaves
    never fall
    *
    bonfire smoke
    makes even a planet
    blink
    *
    bonfire smoke
    breaks a planet’s
    unblinking stare
    *
    one by one
    each leaf
    changes
    *

  65. Congrats, Jonathan!!

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight

    Jonathan Alderfer
    *
    autumn’s voice
    roused from
    deep in the holler
    *
    scarecrow and i
    in worn dungarees
    softened by the years

    1. Disregard autumn’s voice verse as it probably relates to the trajectory
      prohibition.

  66. Thank you Patricia for the wonderful education and enlightenment about your process. So interesting and fun to reread the many great submissions. Congratulations Jonathan! I love your image alone and for our poem!

    a swirl of moths
    orbits the yellow lamplight
    — Jonathan Alderfer

    on the porch
    a leaf drops in
    the ice water

    or

    on the porch
    a leaf settles in
    the ice water

    Or

    on the porch
    a leaf settles
    in the ice water

    (Not sure if ‘drops in’ or ‘settles in’ is a trajectory!)

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