The Renku Sessions: Side Show – Week 10

Comments (219)

1. madeleine, I just noticed that I’ve been spelling your last name wrong all week, along with almost everyone else! kavanagh, not kavanaugh. Apologies!

   1. Thanks, Jonathan…no apologies necessary :) I think it was “Otto” again, lol! I will write a message to Patricia.

2. pajama bottoms follow her
   out of the laundry room

   only horror movies on the tv
   and the remote has a pulse

   guillotine and gallows
   trying to get ahead

   every night outside her window
   the trees a little closer

   1. every glance outside her window
      the trees a little closer

3. the cool
   of the house
   at the back of her mind
   ——-madeleine kavanaugh
   .

   cranking up the ac
   for reentry

4. was it left open
   or closed

5. the cool
   of the house
   at the back of her mind
   ——-madeleine kavanaugh
   .

   a black hole
   in the sole of my shoe

6. Although, out of the running, I would love to continue submitting poems:)

   1. yes, please do! madeleine!

      1. Awww, thanks, Wendy! :)

7. She grabs a chocolate bar
   instead of the overnight oats
   ~ ~ ~
   a message on the phone
   return the overdue books
   ~ ~ ~
   a hundred dvds
   and we can’t make up our mind
   ~ ~ ~
   mesmerized
   by the waves on t.v.
   ~ ~ ~
   all the books in the shelf
   she meant to read

8. a mouse that looks like meemaw
   partly through the lace curtains

   1. Love it, Wendy:)

      1. glad you like the image, madeleine
         ….no offense to meemaws…it ’twas a sweet-faced mouse

         1. :-)

            1. I knew it would be Wendy!

9. the cool
   of the house
   at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaug

   hiding the dairy key
   in a sock drawer

   the safety deposit box
   much too light

   desert dust on every
   surface in the house

   the priest absolving
   venial sins

   asleep in my chair,
   calico cat in my lap

   cracker crumbs on the kitchen
   floor stick to my bare feet

   in the convention hall
   waving a candidate’s sign

   a snake in my garage
   water can

   the missing tv remote
   found in the dogie bed

   1. These are lovely, John!

10. typo corrected:

    10 aisles in the thrift store
    devoted to costumes

11. 10 isles in the thrift store
    devoted to costumes

12. cell phone in her coffin
    reads 2 percent

    about to leave the crypt
    shoulder tap

    attic junk
    totally rearranged

    tarantula resting for now
    under the toilet lid

    cellar hatch ajar
    it wasn’t a minute ago

    from the disposal
    a tentacled claw

    inside her fridge
    half the man he used to be

    1. a little more creepily intimate:

       tarantula resting for now
       under the toilet seat

    2. These are great Rob:)

       1. thank you madeleine, glad you
          enjoyed my horrorku

          1. horrorku is a cool name, Rob!

13. the green stars of childhood
    licking them now

    working hard to show
    malignant cells the way out

    watching the wool
    slow draw over eyes

    my condolences to the world of haiku and her family for the loss of Debbie Kolodji and to honour her life of works she has left for us.

    1. and another version:

       the green stars of childhood
       liking them now

14. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaug

    singing hallelugh
    in the church choir

    shopping for a smaller bed
    after his funeral

    one stripe and two solids
    drop on the break

    sun tea brewing
    on the kitchen window sill

    with the undertaker
    selecting a casket

    barefoot
    on the balance beam

    preparing for the first date
    since he left five years ago

    sun rays stream through lace patterns
    of the lavender curtains

    a spaniel bitch nursing three
    puppies on the kitchen floor

    after the soirée
    dirty dishes everywhere

    supermarket shelves naked
    before the tornado strikes

15. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    –madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    pacing the hallway
    reconsidering each door
    *
    *

16. an impromptu tea party
    with a host mad as a hatter

17. could of had a v8
    but going for potus

    1. could’ve had a v8
       but going for potus

18. Congratulations, Madeleine, for this great verse, which inspired me and thanks, Patricia, for choosing mine to be one of the final three along with Pauline’s “trafficked eels!” I share my deep sadness on the passing of Debbie Kolodji and thank you, Diana, for including your beautiful verse about her. How poignant and true it is. Mimi
    Here are my attempts at the next verse:

    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    madeleine kavanaugh

    ring-a-ding dinner
    left at the front door

    pistol-packing mama
    behind the front door

    front and center
    on the mantel

    on the kitchen counter
    in front of the toaster

    the missing button
    sewn firmly in place

    unable to remember
    the computer password

    out of the toy box
    all over the floor

    1. Thank you Mimi. I love all your verses.

       1. Thanks, Madeleine!

19. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh
    *
    the stains of the years
    on the kitchen table

20. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    a coronal mass ejection
    through the window

21. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    a list of chores to do
    before tonight

    in the supermarket aisle
    in the middle of the line

    on the back of her neck
    the hair stands up

    filling the tank with petrol
    her mind wanders off

    on the beach waves
    caress her bare feet

    in their kitchen
    the heat is on

    the old dog dreaming
    in her new basket

    on the endless highway
    she cries out

    the fan hums
    as she sings a song

22. searching through boxes
    for lost memories in the cellar

23. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaug

    at the cottage delivery
    door she kisses the butler

    “mind the gap” warns a voice
    as passengers exit

    strutting down a runway
    in the latest couture

    in the spa naked ladies
    balance delicate tea cups

    soda gone flat in last night’s
    party glass

    since they passed, their ghosts lurk
    in every room of their house

    hand-stitched quilts from every
    nation hang in her house

    standing statue still
    in the mannequin warehouse

24. Congratulations madeleine, well done.

    1. Thank you Carol, very lovely of you to say.

25. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaug

    remission results received
    in the doctor’s office

    at the convent
    seeking refuge

    with my AK rifle,
    scouting indoors sight lines

    in bed listening
    to the sea in a sea shell

    living room window
    sun catcher alive with spirits

    in the dairy parlor a
    note says, “finders keepers”

    sixty year old letters
    shut up in the attic

    in the caterpillar cab
    scooping tornado debris

    tree limbs in my living room
    after the haboob

    the shower head sprays blood
    instead of water

    in her Potter/Palmer chair
    she regally fans herself

26. Congratulations, Madeleine. Thank you, Patricia, for selecting my eels as one of your final contenders.
    …
    I prefer Laurie’s verse as is. I didn’t read the three verses as a narrative. I don’t like the coyote suggestion which changes the meaning of the verse and limits one’s imagination (though it was interesting as I’d never heard the additional definition before).
    …
    a severed head
    inside the refrigerator
    …
    confined to bed
    with a virus
    …
    spine cracks
    during a chiropractic visit
    …
    tears and cheers
    at the convention
    …
    she forgot to collect her baby
    from the childcare centre
    …
    losing it
    in the emergency department

    1. Thank you Pauline…these are great!

27. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    a broken doll’s eye
    stares from the corner shelf

    a rubber duck floats
    in the overflowing bathtub

28. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    even cancer
    couldn’t keep her inside

    Rest in Peace, Deborah P Kolodji

29. the cool

    of the house
    
at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    mountain climbing the boulder
    on the basement floor

30. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaug

    in the home office the phone
    that’s not there rings loudly

    my teen age bedroom
    in ma and pa’s house

    behind a basement gate the
    secret tunnel to a lake

    the home office change
    of tactics in midstream

    obese people gasp for air
    on the fitness machine

    at the grand piano
    she plays chopsticks

    a stack of unopened mail
    beside the easy chair

    in bed dreaming of granny’s
    railroad march to freedom

    a razor deftly cuts hair
    away from her arms and legs

    sketching her aged mother’s
    face with a charcoal stick

31. a bead of sweat in the wheat fields
    which way should she run?

    1. Or, seeing as my first line has run over…

       sweat in the wheat fields
       which way to run?

32. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    not far away
    monsters are lurking

    the summer breeze
    stirs the curtains

    her wind chimes
    play a haunting song

    in the heat
    nothing stirs

    planning ahead
    for tonight’s hot date

    searching under her bed
    for loose change

    as shadows lengthen
    on her porch

    in the corner
    a shadow is stirring

    hearing echoes
    of her children’s voices

    slowly storm clouds gather
    she runs indoors

    dust devil’s
    swirl under her bed

    she fans herself
    in the noise of the market

33. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    *
    madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    combing the library
    for the ex’s Ex Libris
    *
    unsticking the last
    of the ex’s Ex Libris
    *

34. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    ——-madeleine kavanaugh
    .

    a plastic bucket of lost shells
    left in the garage
    .

    bats find their way home
    with clicks
    .

    clickety-clack
    a train from another world
    .

    there’s a lot of dead folk
    in the world
    .

    now here
    nowhere man

35. Congratulations Madeleine on your verse. That is awesome.
    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    –madeleine kavanaugh

    sitting at her makeup table
    brushing her long hair
    .
    sitting at her makeup table
    to brush her long tresses
    .
    from the cellar
    comes pickles from a crock
    .

    1. Thank you very much, Nan. Your verses are lovely.

36. Some verses inspired by working as a prison guard many years ago while I was a student

    daylight fading into the night
    footsteps echo down empty halls

    lonely mattress where dreams go to die
    a single window showing the sky

    steel door locked no key in sight
    fading memories of a previous life

    eyes staring at the ceiling above
    counting the cracks of passing years

    1. I am a huge fan of your poetic humor, romance and poignancy! Thanks for sharing these. Amazing what comes forth from the back of the mind.

       1. Thank you Pamela, your kind words made my day!

37. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind


    Madeleine Kavanaugh

    he waits for the true tales
    of the fallen in the war

38. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaug

    petting her cat, they both purrrrr
    as shadows crawl through the room

    through the window, watching
    the hired hand mow the lawn

    spiders weave webs in vacant
    rooms of the old couple’s house

    the found key unlocks
    the locked dairy parlor

    the Mother Goose nursery theme
    includes a great fall

    in my fireplace embers
    of freedom flash through the flue

39. Hi Patricia! In your long list of candidates, you included 4 of my verses, but not my name. Only if convenient, please add my name, as I am amazed and proud to be amongst my poet friends. The list starts with ‘sweat’ and ends with ‘forest floor’.

    1. Pamela–thank you for pointing out my error. My deep apologies. I have asked Jim to correct it.

       Patricia, with a red face

       1. Thanks Patricia! For all you do and how you do it!

40. the cool
    
of the house

    at the back of her mind
    
— Madeleine Kavanaugh

    she handstands on the plunger
    to no avail

    old memories
    sweeping the awards

    hanging from the shade cord
    a plastic rainbow

    1. hanging from the shade cord
       an enameled rainbow

41. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    a scatter rug
    ripples

42. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaug

    at the laundromat
    waiting to use a dryer

    after the meeting she knows,
    they are old—give me youth

    the cardiology staff
    nowhere in sight

    garra rufa fish tickle
    her toes at the pedicure

    family pictures line
    the living room walls

    in a basement burial
    the coffin of a vampire

    she pockets the found key,
    and mops up muddy footprints

    1. Love the one about the vampire!

43. Late with my congratulations, Madeleine…well done!!

    the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    letters to the sole
    proprietor proudly displayed
    — Betty

    1. No worries Betty. Thank you. It means a lot to me. :-)

44. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    calculating the budget
    monthly on the computer

    at the dinner table
    the same chair always empty

    two place settings of silver,
    crystal glasses, and china

    at the airport my flight
    canceled without notice

    turning to the past
    in old photo albums

    inside the bank, the teller
    quips, “Our computers are down”

    images of persona:
    public versus family views

    a geek hunts for typo errors
    in lines of program code

    someone must have added
    steps to this staircase

45. the tiniest nest egg
    nurtures the biggest dreams
    *
    fitness room an exercise
    in futility
    *
    stripping the tarnish
    of old dreams from the silver
    *
    shining the silver
    inspires the best day dreams
    *

46. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    ——-madeleine kavanaugh
    .

    the bedroom ceiling
    full of wishes
    .

    goosebumps
    casting tiny shadows
    .

    tonight
    the wind is just the wind
    .

    archipelagos of stars
    beyond the kitchen window

47. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    in the nursery, baby
    sleeps through her parents’ row

    my white, cut locks fall
    to the beauty salon floor

    in the empty tv room
    she says, “but it’s my body”

    the home office unused since
    retirement last year

48. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — madeleine kavanaugh

    sorting
    the old negatives

    1. touching up
       the old negatives

49. losing track of time
    in the memory palace
    *

50. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    telling tall tales
    in a tiny tent

    so calm and cool
    inside a mud hut

    shadow puppets
    fighting on the living room wall

    toilets flush
    in the.key of d

51. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    on the house phone my son
    tells me, “buy a smart device”

    the caged canaries fill
    the room with constant song

    in her makeup mirror she sees
    a sleeping beauty

    at age ninety-nine she asks
    her son, “who should I believe?”

52. the cool
    
of the house

    at the back of her mind
    –madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    walking on eggshells
    in the guest room
    *
    a cue ball breaks
    the tension in the den
    *
    double-dare-you laughter
    tumbles down the stairs
    *
    playing charades
    while serving dessert
    *

53. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    ——-madeleine kavanaugh
    .

    the negative space
    between two tea cups
    .

    a favorite mug breaks into
    smithereens
    .

    only the chimney
    left standing
    .

    the smell of the sea
    in my dream
    .

54. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    racing down a mountain
    on an exercise bike

    singing ballads
    in a packed elevator

    teaching my nephew
    how to cheat at poker

    whispering good morning
    to a bonsai tree

55. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    grandpa soap-carves a whole herd
    of cows for the mantel

    “all cots taken in this fire
    shelter,” says the intake clerk

    2002, the youngest
    stamp in my collection

    from his desk the ranger
    directs pilots and firemen

    the platform rocker
    elegant in her two rooms

    bakery clerk asks if my bread
    should be thick or thin sliced

    the vet changes burn dressings
    on two wild horses

56. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    the service dog
    off-leash

    that daydream
    crops up at the wrong time

57. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind – madeleine kavanaugh
    —
    a sixties diary
    discovered in the wardrobe
    —
    Grandma playing Ringo’s
    photograph song
    —
    deep in the cellar
    our twelve year old Scotch
    —
    the husbands holed up
    in their man caves
    —
    sounds of late night radio
    from the bedroom
    —
    life on the first floor
    of a country hotel
    —
    from our first floor window
    a view of the bay
    —
    squeaking floorboards
    betray a would-be burglar
    —
    by my bed the cat’s gift
    of five dead mice
    —

    1. Goodness, where was my head? Not screwed on properly enough to avoid the pronoun trail, obviously! Sorry about that.

       Revised verses :

       the cool
       of the house
       at the back of her mind – madeleine kavanaugh
       —
       a sixties diary
       discovered in the wardrobe
       —
       Grandma playing Ringo’s
       photograph song
       —
       deep in the cellar
       Dad’s twelve year old Scotch
       —
       husbands holed up
       in old man caves
       —
       sounds of late night radio
       from the bedroom
       —
       life on the first floor
       of a country hotel
       —
       Port Phillip Bay
       from a first floor window
       —
       squeaking floorboards
       betray a would-be burglar
       —
       on the bed the cat’s gift
       of five dead mice
       —
       a shoe box full of cash
       in the wardrobe
       —
       pink gin with crushed ice
       in the kitchen
       —

       1. These are delightful, Lorin:)

          1. Thanks, Madeleine!

58. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    deep in the catacombs, a
    Montressor double sets stone

    in the log cabin she shines
    the sterling silver service

    watching two old men spar
    on tv—does God choose sides?

    my debit card declined
    at the checkout register

    she speaks to the vagrant through
    an open mailbox slot

    disastrously off message
    despite the teleprompter

    in the church food pantry
    the queue longer than last week

59. I enjoyed your verse madeleine, thank you!

    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind – madeleine kavanaugh

    grandpa’s stern stare
    from the photo on the wall

    refrigerators hum
    when they don’t know the words

    boxes of her letters
    stored in the attic

    1. Thanks, Dan, and thanks for your wonderful and hilarious verses! These are great, “….grandpa’s stern stare…” and “refrigerators hum when they don’t know the words…” :)

60. his belly warms
    the kitchen floor

    counting her purrs
    as i run my fingers along her fur

    she chattered at the bird
    outside the window

    1. I love this, Diana! … I am very partial to your precious cat!

       1. Thank you madeleine! :) I have three cats. Athena, Apollo, and Cleopatra. I love them all. Good news! Athena’s x ray shows no other cancer. They will remove the mass in her nipple and she will be ok for a long time. <3

          1. glad to hear the good news about Athena, Diana….
             life is never feeling that well when our family pets are ailing.

             1. This is wonderful, Diana… so happy to hear the great news about Athena!

61. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    madeleine kavanaugh

    *

    his ear grazed story
    read from a teleprompter

62. So coooool! madeleine, very happy to have your verse placed inside this renku! it is very lacy and haunting….opened to a great range of responses!
    again, an excellent choice, Patricia!

    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    madeleine kavanaugh

    (hoping we all can hear from John soon! You are in our hearts and dreams. Thanks to Jim and all helpers in keeping the flow.)

    1. Awww…lol! Wendy…so lovely of you to say. :-) It means so much. I have a lot of fun reading your beautiful and inspiring verses each week!

63. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    madeleine kavanaugh

    a refreshing shift, madeleine, so well done!

    another difficult choice patricia,
    but you pulled it off so well.

    john can’t wait until you post on the renku
    (implying you can see your screen and keyboard)

    and thanks again jim and friends, for uploading
    patricia’s diligent efforts every week on schedule

    1. Much appreciated Rob… I enjoy very much the great shifts you post each week!

       1. I couldn’t agree more, Rob. As adventurous and fun as our odyssey is, Sabaki Patricia is handling all the challenges with an expert skill and warm touch.

64. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    *
    madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    a hint of sweet dreams
    with the mint on the pillow
    *
    planting sweet dreams with the mints
    on the pillowslip
    *

65. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    *
    madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    delving deep in the closet
    for something newish to wear
    *
    deep in the closet
    the costumes of former selves
    *
    the motel maid makes up
    stories along with the beds
    *

66. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    sniffing brush smoke,
    she rocks and waits for flames

    the attic stash collects dust
    and mustiness in the dark

    babysitting the children
    is mama’s dream job

    a just married sign hangs
    on their apartment wall

67. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    *
    madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    describing the dream kitchen
    to an architect
    *
    getting the dream kitchen
    of a second-rate architect

68. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    *
    madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    doing the puzzle
    from the inside out
    *
    one more thought experiment
    turned DIY fiasco
    *
    into
    *

    1. and:

       one more dream
       turned DIY fiasco

69. another empty beer can
    thrown at the TV

    packing away
    the sympathy cards

    wheels stop spinning
    in the hamster’s cage

70. the cool
    
of the house
    
at the back of her mind
    
— Madeleine Kavanaugh

    a warbler’s trill
    breezes through the shutters

    ( wondering are shutters a structure? Is trill music? Is through a direction?)

    1. LOL!

    2. Hi, Pamela–yes, yes–kinda, and no

71. Madeleine, I couldn’t wait to write to your verse. Nicely done. It has the kind of meditative quality that makes one sigh with contentment after reading.
    , Always on My mind, John is your ordeal. Prayers for healing and strength.
    .Patricia, thank you so many for including me in your top seven.
    .
    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    —madeleine kavanaugh
    .
    laser beams criss cross
    the secret laser lab floor
    .
    thermostat lowered to
    preserve vintage treasures
    .
    frat jester turns temps down
    to frost bit toes degrees
    .
    some old mummies now
    the fabric of whole cloth
    .
    argument turns a playroom
    into a chamber of horror moans
    .

    1. Thank you Jackie, you made my day. :-) I am very happy that my poetry inspired you. I always find your verses to be quite unique and beautiful. I love “…laser beams criss cross…”, and “some old mummies now” … mysterious and delightful!

72. Lorin Ford
    July 18, 2024 at 11:54 pm
    .
    Yes, Betty but “coyote’ is also (and primarily) a 4-legged animal.
    Many words (as I know you know) have more than one meaning. The correct and harmless word for a female dog isn’t as acceptable if we use it in relation to a female human, is it? :-)
    .
    Lorin, as you do so well, I think you have gone to the crux of the matter of the kind of being a coyote brings to the functionality of the renku. That said, I still feel like a baby in a playpen at a university lecture when I craft a verse for the week. So many rules (better…conventions?) and avoidances to make sense of, I’ve resigned myself to take them at face value. However, you and Patricia bring so much experience to our family of choices, I’m fascinated by all the iterations presented. What stimulating and creative fun it brings to us. For me, it’s a roller coaster ride without the fear of dying! hehehe. So, let’s all hang tight to the guard rail thingy, fellow riders, and keep up the lively discussions that add so much to our writing.
    .
    Respectfully,
    PollyAnna Robinson

73. quarantined until finally
    the test appears negative

    converting all those old
    cassette tapes to compact disc

    fact checking the facts
    of the fat checkers

    1. :-)

74. Congratulations madeleine!

    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    ——-madeleine kavanaugh
    .

    the hall floor squeaks
    in the middle of the night
    .

    all the jazzy clothes stored
    in an attic trunk
    .

    an red tugboat
    adrift in the baby’s bathtub
    .

    sunlit morning
    coffee with a cloud of cream

    1. Thank you Jonathan… I appreciate all the splendid poetry you post on our renku. I am quite partial to the verses above…”jazzy clothes” and “red tug boat”…the first and last one, as well:)

75. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    in the grand salon, water
    stains flowered silk wallpaper

76. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    bras
    hanging out to dry

    to do lists and phone numbers
    stuck to walls

    cherries in the colander
    assassination attempt on tv

    1. cherries in the colander
       blood-baths on tv

77. letting off a stowaway
    in the middle of the heat — Laurie Greer
    —
    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh
    —
    out on the veranda
    Grandpa plays a trump card

78. Patricia wrote:
    .
    I’ve given some thought to princess k’s concern that the last three verses could be read as a narrative. I get the sense that most people did not read it that way; however, if the verse can be improved so that there’s not even a hint of narrative connection, I’m open to that. I think the use of the participle “letting” is causing the problem. We could change the verse to:
    .
    a coyote lets off the stowaway
    in the middle of the heat
    .
    .
    Here’s the amended sequence of verses:
    .
    may I have this dance
    for the rest of my life?
    .
    John Daleiden
    .
    I swing onto
    his Vespa
    fully committed
    .
    Clysta Seney
    .
    a coyote lets off the stowaway
    in the middle of the heat
    .
    Laurie Greer
    .

    The modified sequence of verses has some narrative elements, but it’s not a complete narrative. The first two verses create a mini-story with a beginning (potential future commitment), middle (taking action towards that commitment). However, the introduction of the coyote in the third verse disconnects the flow of events and the romantic context.
    Overall, the sequence has the potential to be part of a narrative, but on its own, it’s more like a collection of evocative images.
    .
    .
    Patricia wrote:
    .
    If Laurie approves this change to her verse and if princess k thinks this is an improvement, we’ll change it in the next cycle.
    .
    I will defer to your judgment and Laurie’s wishes on how her verse should appear. I don’t have a dog in this fight, just trying to understand the renku “rules”.

    1. I’m confused.

       ” (Patricia) Here’s the amended sequence of verses:
       .
       may I have this dance
       for the rest of my life?
       .
       John Daleiden
       .
       I swing onto
       his Vespa
       fully committed ( very good link and very good shift away from uchikoshi)
       .
       Clysta Seney
       .
       a coyote lets off the stowaway
       in the middle of the heat – Laurie Greer
       —
       1. My life . 2. I swing 3. a coyote (person, I’m told, not animal.

       “lets off the stowaway” may link to “Vespa” ( bike/ vehicle) but the ‘strange-to-me- lingo ‘coyote’, though it has been explained, puts any actual 4-legged animal out of consideration for quite a while in this renku, which I think is unfortunate, especially since a Ninjuin renku has only 20 verses.

       Also, though a summer verse was required, “heat” in this verse is at the very least ambiguous because of the needed link to the previous verse. Motorbikes have races and those races often have heats. Yes, it’s a ‘clever’ verse in that the word “coyote” (as explained on the thread) is a person not an animal) and the word “heat” both have more than one meaning.

       A summer verse was asked for, but the non-literal “coyote” is a person who lets off a stowaway (stowaway person, most likely, though it could be a snake etc.) “in the middle of the heat” and considering that the Vespa bike is the only thing in sight that a stowaway could be let off from, where is the summer reference? There is no clear seasonal reference. ‘Heat’ links to ‘Vespa’, but as a heat in a race, not atmospheric heat.

       Anyway, despite the ‘summer’ issue, I prefer:
       (a)
       letting off a stowaway
       in the middle of the heat – Laurie Greer

       to

       (b)
       a coyote lets off the stowaway
       in the middle of the heat – Laurie Greer

       But that’s only because it doesn’t rule out anyone mentioning cats, dogs , horses, camels, sheep etc. for a long time in a 20 verse renku.

       It’s true that (b) is clever, but perhaps it’s too clever for a cooperative venture?

       Either way, though, Patricia, there is no clear summer reference/ kigo and you did call for one.

       1. Lorin–Yes, I did call for a summer reference and I chose this verse because I interpreted “heat” as air temperature. It does have two meanings which is fine. And the link between the Vespa verse and stowaway verse is “onto” and “off.”

          1. HI–I fully intended “heat” only as temperature. The ancillary meaning of a stage of a race is incidental to the verse. Meaning no disrespect to anyone, we may be overthinking this.

          2. “. . . the link between the Vespa verse and stowaway verse is “onto” and “off.” ”

             Oh, okay, Patricia. “Onto & off ” didn’t occur to me as a link. She leaps onto, and in the next verse a stow-away someone or some creature is being let off. (letting off something, probably a vehicle?)

             I can see it now. :-)

79. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    the kids playing twister in the
    southwest corner of the cellar

    the unfinished basement
    smelling of water-softener

    father’s forgotten necktie
    hangs from the ironing board

    yesterday’s violets are
    beginning to brown

    still living
    at home

80. the cool

    of the house
    
at the back of her mind
    madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    julienning carrots
    to brighten a green salad
    *
    the kitchen smells of juiced limes
    marinating the ceviche
    *

81. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind – madeleine kavanaugh
    —
    Congratulations, Madeleine. :-) An evocative verse.

    My only issue is “her”. (3rd person, possessive ) How could you know what was at the back of another person’s mind? (Without a crystal ball) For me, the verse would flow more smoothly if “her” was replaced with “my”.

    1. the cool
       of the house
       at the back of her mind – madeleine kavanaugh
       —
       Congratulations, Madeleine. :-) An evocative verse.

       ah, but no.
       There are verses with “I” in them closely above , and perhaps “my” would take us back to “I”. . . and uchikoshi ?
       ——
       So,
       (may Ihave this dance
       for the rest of my life? – John Daleiden)
       –
       A
       I swing onto
       his Vespa
       fully committed — Clysta Seney
       .
       B
       ( I am/ someone is) letting off a stowaway
       in the middle of the heat — Laurie Greer
       ,
       C
       the cool
       of the house
       at the back of her mind — madeleine kavanaugh

       With “I” , “I” and “her”. . .”her” jumps back to “I”. It’s not exactly uchikoshi, then. Perhaps it’s ok, perhaps it’s just one pronoun too many in this short run?

       Laurie Greer avoided the trap in her verse. I’m not sure whether Madeleine has avoided it or not.

       1. Thank you Lorin, very lovely of you to say! I always love the gems you post on our renku session.

          1. Lorin, as far as “… one pronoun too many in this short run?…”, I defer to yours and Sabaki Patricia’s expertise.

    2. the cool
       of the house
       at the back of her mind
       ——-madeleine kavanaugh

       Lorin, not sure I agree with your suggestion of changing “her” to “my” in madeleine’s verse. For me the use of “her” adds some mystery by making the phrasing more challenging to understand and open to different possibilities. The implied other person (the writer) might sense or think—perhaps mistakenly—that he/she knows the “back” of another person’s mind. For instance, maybe the writer is sensing “the cool” in a relationship and “the back of her mind” could refer to a bedroom.

       1. Jonathon, yes, I was being picky, and possibly wrong. The issue is the dreaded”return to last-but-one” or “return to leap-over verse” (same thing)

          (may I have this dance
          for the rest of my life? – John Daleiden)
          –
          A
          I swing onto
          his Vespa
          fully committed — Clysta Seney (these two are fine)
          .
          B
          ( I am/ someone is) letting off a stowaway
          in the middle of the heat — Laurie Greer (Laurie used her knowledge well, leaving out/ implying a pronoun rather than stating it & so avoiding the “return to last-but -one” (uchikoshi)
          ,
          C
          the cool
          of the house
          at the back of her mind — madeleine kavanaugh (excellent verse, and perhaps I was being too picky. But there are a tad too many pronouns + one implied pronoun in this run of 4 verses. .

          may I have this dance (first person pronoun)
          .
          I swing onto (first person pronoun)
          .
          (Laurie avoids outright use of pronoun, but it’s implied)
          .
          at the back of her mind (3rd person pronoun)

          (In my view, “the cool of the house ” is an excellent link here. My only issue was that there seem to be a run of pronouns (Laurie’s (wisely) isn’t stated but it is implied)

    3. Lorin, I always appreciate the lively conversation you bring to the table. I agree with Jonathan’s explanation and interpretation as a reason “the cool of the house” works with the narrative.

82. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    she vacuums the spot over
    and over where she found him

    the scent of fresh-baked hot bread
    floats through the kitchen

    on a pantry shelf, cook stores
    a tin of fresh-baked cookies

    in the commode she hides
    her diamonds from the robbers

83. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    eye-catching earth tones

    hand-knotted underfoot

84. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    madeleine kavanaugh

    hands wrinkling
    in a bubble bath

    muttering open sesame
    lost in a maze of doors

    tip-toeing around
    a senior siesta

    1. These are lovely Eavonka. “…tip-toeing around…” is my favorite:)

85. How wonderful to have been in the running for the final 7 options! Thank you so much, Patricia. Personally, I don’t think the previous verse needs to be changed. I adored the idea that the stowaway could be an insect, an animal, or a human. The suggested change would mean it was a person which changes the openness.

86. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    — madeleine kavanaugh

    crocheting poetry
    argle-bargle
    bargle-argle

    1. Oops- 2 lines:

       crocheting poetry
       argle-bargle | bargle-argle

       1. Pamela, I just looked argle-bargie, up. What a delight! I love
          the play on words…the way it sounds:)

          1. * oops…corrected spelling…argle-bargle

          2. Thank you muchly, Madeleine!

             1. Your welcome, dear Pamela. :)

87. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    hand stitching together
    colorful quilt pieces

    captive, Rumpelstiltskin spins
    straw to gold in his dungeon

    my queen of spades nabs all
    the game cards

88. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    perhaps days of bean bag chairs
    have come and gone

    1. how brief is the time
       before curdled milk turns sour

       1. Revision:

          how brief is the time before
          curdled milk turns sour

    2. a former president
       living there rent-free

       1. a digital gobsmacking
          by the scent of linen sky

89. Thank you Patricia for your choice of madeleine kavanaugh’s verse for the 9th stanza of the renku; well done.

    John Stevenson, my continued wishes for a fully recovered and restored eyesight.

    Thank you, Jim Kacin and other workers at the Haiku Foundation; without your efforts the renku would be stopped cold in mid process.

    1. Thank you John, I love reading all your great poems.

    2. “Kacian”

90. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    the safety gate
    at the top landing
    restraining gravity’s pull

    1. the safety gate
       restraining gravity’s pull

91. Heartfelt wishes for your full recovery, John. Wonderful selection again, Patricia. And congratulations on your cool link, madeleine!

    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    madeleine kavanaugh

    curtains ruffling
    at a rear window

    a dog asleep
    on white linoleum

    a ceiling fan’s turns
    slow enough to count

    the empty cuspidor
    by an empty rocker

    a spirit-like fluttering
    of the casket sprays

    1. Here’s a small revision to my second candidate link in order to add chiaroscuro to it, as well as a couple of changes to my fourth candidate link. Sorry!

       the cool
       of the house
       at the back of her mind

       madeleine kavanaugh

       curtains ruffling
       at a rear window

       a black dog asleep
       on white linoleum

       a ceiling fan’s turns
       slow enough to count

       the cuspidor emptied
       beside an empty rocker

       a spirit-like fluttering
       of the casket sprays

    2. Richard, thank you, (lol:) …I appreciate your wonderful poetry.

       1. Enjoyed your reference to “cool” link.

          1. Hi Patricia, I wanted to let you know that my name is misspelled. (It happens a lot, actually!) Although, I think we all know Otto is behind this. (I believe Otto serves as a means to bring more humor to our Renku!) It was very kind of Jonathan to bring it to our attention.

             1. Thanks Patricia!

92. Hi Patricia, I am absolutely delighted to have my verse selected and I appreciate your wise and steady guidance. I love the poems chosen for this session’s short and long list and plan on reading them again. I can see how Mimi’s “missing dairy keys” and Pauline’s “trafficked eels” both fit so well into our amazing renku. I am very happy to be on this adventure with all of you and to be learning so much about the craft of renku. I feel privileged to be part of this wonderful renku process… I am truly grateful for the opportunity to enjoy the brilliant verses here and their stories. John, I hope you are feeling better…as always, our prayers and good thoughts go out to you— for a quick and full recovery.

    1. Absolutely delighted that your marvelous verse was selected, Maddy! Congratulations, my friend.

       1. Eavonka, you made my day. I always love your beautiful and unique poems. Thank you for your mentoring and editing of my poems. It has always been an invaluable help, my friend.

    2. the cool
       of the house
       at the back of her mind
       .
       madeleine kavanaugh
       .
       Congratulations Madeleine! I’m happy that your verse was chosen, and love the way that you take the time to interact with everyone in the renku.

       1. Thank you dear Princess K, it means a lot to me!

       2. I miss reading your wonderful poetry, Princess K.

93. Congratulations madeleine! This verse stayed with me throughout the week… it’s so wonderful. I am happy Patricia chose it. There were so many wonderful submissions! I enjoyed reading them all!

    I don’t know about Princess K’s remark about the “narrative”. I like Laurie’s as it is. I am not really sure how “coyote” helps other than from reading today’s comments. But was “coyote” suggested in the comments for verse 8? How did we come up with “coyote”? I am confused. But I think changing it now changes how my thoughts change for verse 9 which everyone had a lot of wonderful submissions already. But I defer to Patricia.

    may I have this dance
    for the rest of my life?

    John Daleiden

    I swing onto
    his Vespa
    fully committed

    Clysta Seney

    letting off a stowaway
    in the middle of the heat

    Laurie Greer

    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    madeleine kavanaugh

    *****

    how many more purrs
    do i have with her?

    Diana Ming Jeong

    1. Hi Diana! “Coyote” is the term used for those who smuggle others across the US border illegally.

       1. Yes, Betty but “coyote’ is also (and primarily) a 4-legged animal.
          Many words (as I know you know) have more than one meaning. The correct and harmless word for a female dog isn’t as acceptable if we use it in relation to a female human, is it? :-)

          1. Lorin, as you do so well, I think you have gone to the crux of the matter of the kind of being a coyote brings to the functionality of the renku. That said, I still feel like a baby in a playpen at a university lecture when I craft a verse to the form. So many rules (better…conventions?) and avoidances to make sense of, I’ve resigned myself to take them at face value. However, you and Patricia bring so much experience to our family of choices, I’m fascinated by all the iterations presented. What stimulating and creative fun it brings to us. For me, it’s a roller coaster ride without the fear of dying! hehehe. So, let’s all hang tight to the guard rail thingy, fellow riders, and keep up the lively discussions that add so much to our writing.
             .
             Sincerely,
             PollyAnna Robinson

             1. But you write renku verses so well, Jackie. I would never have considered that you might’ve thought otherwise.
                The two important things are: 1. We have the guide, the sabaki. and 2. We have the type of renku, which has a name.
                (The name of the type of this current renku is Ninjuin, a 20 verse renku. We’re lucky we have an online example of a Ninjuin renku on the late Bill Higginson’s website, ‘Renku Home’.

                http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/index.html
                Scroll down to ‘Shorter Renku’ (under the header ‘ Resources for Renku Writers;and click on that.
                It can help to have such a chart, to know what comes next.

                The only issues likely to come up are word meanings.. It is up to the sabaki to ensure we’re all in the same boat. Sabaki is the guide and has the final say when & if there are differences of opinion among the crew.

                You do well. :-)

          2. Lorin,
             Harmless? No. It’s a scourge for ranchers that also has been able to adapt quite well to urban environments being the crafty animal that it is.
             An additional meaning arises because Coyote features prominently in Native American mythology as a supernatural being. ..well worth looking in to if you’re interested. And a bit like Loki and Anansi of Scandinavian and African mythology.
             Betty

             1. Yes, Betty, I understand. I’ve not seen a coyote in the flesh but I’ve seen them in photos, films and (first of all as a kid) in comics, where the coyote was a clever and cunning ‘baddie’.

                But when I wrote ” The correct and harmless word for a female dog” I meant an actual dog. . . Alsatian, Fox Terrier. Poodle, Husky, Golden Retriever, Australian Kelpie etc. etc. etc.

                The correct term for a female dog has 5 letters and begins with the letter B. It’s not generally considered polite to call a female human by that name,.(I’m pretty sure the term is used throughout the various Englishes. :-) )

    2. Thank you Diana, that is lovely to hear. I am always impressed with your delightful verses.

       1. Thank you madeleine! That is so nice for you to say.☺️

          1. “…how many more purrs….” touches my heart!

             1. Aww thank you madeleine! <3

94. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    *
    madeleine kavanaugh
    *
    skating across the kitchen’s
    all too smooth linoleum
    *
    a memory palace full
    of all manner of delights
    *

    1. Love these, Laurie!

95. the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

    in her boudoir he hides nude
    for his wife’s birthday surprise

    curl up with an adventure
    book about murder

    in the wine cellar
    sampling rare wines

96. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    a dry trail of tears
    washed away in the mirror

    1. a dry trail of tears
       without preservatives

97. the cool

    of the house

    at the back of her mind

    — Madeleine Kavanaugh

    painting over
    another reject

    painting abstractly
    on the backside

    all the straight edges
    on the breakfast table

    the clatter of clipped nails
    hither and thither

    1. the clatter of clipping nails
       hither and thither

98. This resonates, as the back of the house is usually the coolest :
    and it being in her mind suggests she is in a warmer place.
    9
    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind
    10
    boxes of fruit left
    on the scullery´s washed floor

    setting the evening table
    in a stuffy dining room

    a breeze brings relief
    to the warm verandah
    :………………………………………………
    7
    I swing onto
    his Vespa
    fully committed
    8
    letting off a stowaway
    in the middle of the heat

    If ‘coyotes’ can mean a border guard ;
    and cutting down on the ‘the’s :

    the coyote lets off a stowaway
    on the hottest day

    [The coyote was riding a bike]

    1. :-)

99. This resonates, as the back of the house is usually the coolest :
    and it being in her mind suggests she is in a warmer place.
    9
    the cool
    of the house
    at the back of her mind

    boxes of fruit left
    on the scullery´s washed floor

    setting the evening table
    in a stuffy dining room

    a breeze brings relief
    to the warm verandah

    1. :-)

100. the cool
     of the house
     at the back of her mind
     *
     madeleine kavanaugh
     *
     are there mice in the walls
     or does he have a loose screw

     1. if too close to a question–

        if its’ not mice in the walls
        he has a loose screw

        1. Laurie,

           I love this

           are there mice in the walls
           or does he have a loose screw

           But are you saying it can’t be a question?

           My submission is a question. Do I need to edit mine?

           1. Hi, Diana–
              The question came in John’s “may I have this dance/for the rest of my life?”
              Not sure we need another one here.

              1. Thank you Laurie for clarifying!

101. Congratulations madeleine kavanaugh on your fine verse 9:

     the cool
     of the house
     at the back of her mind — madeleine kavanaugh

     *******************

     at home isolation
     to avoid new COVID strains

     1. Thank you John. I enjoy reading your fine and creative poetry.

102. the cool
     of the house
     at the back of her mind –madeleine kavanaugh

     glued to tv they watch
     news about candidates

103. Thanks, Patricia, for your careful readings and masterful selections! And Madeleine, this is a wonderful link to the stowaway.
     *

     the cool
     of the house
     at the back of her mind
     *
     madeleine kavanaugh
     *
     imagining the treasure
     an empty fridge could hold

     1. Thank you Laurie, I am happy you feel that way. I always enjoy your ingenious verses full of charm.

104. the cool

     of the house

     at the back of her mind

     — Madeleine Kavanaugh

     slowly rising
     with the doorbell

     unidentifiable
     vibrations

     looking for the reach tool
     to snag the smart phone

105. Congrats madeleine. This verse stayed with me throughout the week. So delighted it was selected. Again an instructive look at our and your work Patricia:. My appreciation

     1. Thank you Clysta, that means so much to me. Your delightful and imaginative verses always inspire me. Thank you for your encouraging words.

106. the cool
     of the house
     at the back of her mind

     madeleine kavanaugh

     there are so many
     kinds of cells

     1. Barbara,
        This resonates with me.
        My cat’s punch biopsy came back as cancerous…
        And your verse reminded me of the “cells”
        And I am hoping the x-rays will show that it has not spread elsewhere.
        And I am praying that we remove it with the masectomy.
        And that she will survive and live for many more years.
        Anyways… this is why your verse resonates with me. And the cells are like prison as I wait in anticipation.
        In a way it is comforting… because I also feel hope with your verse.
        So, thank you.💐🙏

107. a coyote lets off the stowaway
     in the middle of the heat
     *
     Well…not sure. I like the inclusion of “coyote” as I was feeling we needed some animals/nature, and this is at least the name of an animal, though the meaning here is a human activity. I’m bothered by the length of this new first line. Maybe we don’t need the “lets off,” but just “the coyote and a stowaway/in the middle of the heat.” I’d like to know what others think. Not averse to a change, though, if it will improve the poem.

     1. coyote is also a term used to identify an individual who helps an illegal, a person with no papers, cross an international border.

        1. From Dictionary.com
           coy·o·te
           /ˈkīōt,kīˈōdē/
           noun
           noun: coyote; plural noun: coyotes; plural noun: coyote
           1.
           a wild dog that resembles the wolf, native to North America.
           2.
           INFORMAL•NORTH AMERICAN
           a person who smuggles Latin Americans across the US border, typically for a high fee.
           “at the bus station, there were coyotes offering to drive us to Los Angeles”
           Origin

        2. “coyote is also a term used to identify an individual who helps an illegal, a person with no papers, cross an international border. . . . ” – John Daleiden

           Thanks, John: I’ve learned something new. :-) All I knew about coyotes was that they are a kind of wild dog, similar to the Australian dingo. So, interested by the name, I went to Wikipedia and found:

           ” After the European colonization of the Americas, it was seen in Anglo-American culture as a cowardly and untrustworthy animal. Unlike wolves, which have seen their public image improve, attitudes towards the coyote remain largely negative.[6]”

           Interesting.

        3. “John Daleiden
           July 18, 2024 at 10:27 am

           “coyote is also a term used to identify an individual who helps an illegal, a person with no papers, cross an international border.”
           —
           correction to:

           “coyote is also an American term used to identify an individual who helps an illegal person, a person with no papers, cross a USA border.”

     2. Laurie, I wanted to say that I really love your verse the way you wrote it and I agree with Eavonka that changing the verse will change the openness. One of the beauties of your verse is that there are many opportunities for interpretation. I love its mystery and the special way it flows. Laurie, If you do decide to accept the change, your verse will still be wonderful.

        1. Thank you, Madeleine, for your support. I would rather not change it but I’m open to what people think. It’s been an interesting discussion.

           1. Your welcome, Laurie. I agree with you… I think it would be fine if you keep it the way it was first intended…Yes, it has!:)

108. Such wonderful selections. I absolutely adore your final three and your final one! Congratulations and thanks to Patricia and Madeleine! And to Jim! and sincere best wishes for John and for everyone here. BTW, I think our next verse will be #10, a half way verse.

     1. Thank you Pamela. I am always intrigued by your creative and wonderful verses and thank you always for your encouraging and fun comments.

Comments are closed.