The Renku Sessions: Rendezvous – Week 9
The Renku Sessions continue on The Haiku Foundation. I am Patricia Machmiller and I am honored to be your guide for an eighteen-verse renku, in which we will compose one verse per week until completion.
Hello, everyone. Here in California it’s another week in this strange world of social distancing and sheltering in place. Is that how it is where you are? In an effort to obey the government’s edicts I am ordering food on-line from my local grocery. Yesterday an order that I had placed five days ago for seven items came with two items. Today from another order of eight things (different from the previous order), I received three items. I feel very fortunate that my pantry is well enough stocked so these short falls, while annoying, are not devastating. But it makes me acutely aware that these shortages must be causing real anxiety in some households. I hope that all is well in your house.
Thank you, all, who made offerings for the eighth verse of our renku. I’d like to start by saying there were verses I liked that were cast in the first person. I had to rule these out as they reach back to Wendy’s verse “who can hear me now.” It’s important to avoid reaching back to the verse before the one we are linking to; this keeps the poem from becoming circular.
The verses that I selected out for further consideration are these:
glimpse of her freckles
under the shirtsleeve
Mark Powderhill
and they lived happily
ever after in fairy tales
*
roosters crowed
over our first kiss
*
she still gives me
the largest slice
*
her smile can disappear
for days but always returns
Dan Campbell
a kama sutra
on the bedside table
Andrew Shimield
they gather up the beads
for restringing later
*
the forgotten lei
in the back seat
*
they emerge from spelunking
deeply in love
Laurie Greer
the state of their union
in an office gossipfest
Ellen Compton
the billionaire’s next bride
bursting with excitement
Lorin Ford
wedding invitations
arrived too late
*
a wedding dress
folded in a suitcase
Carmen Sterba
you could say we took
a magic carpet ride
M.R. Defibaugh
he paints her nails
to break the boredom
*
after a close shave
she mentions his soft cheek
*
tipping the scales
with her come with me walk
Robert Kingston
one more time
she says
Steve Tabb
our first date postponed
until further notice
*
on line dating leaves
a lot to be desired
Michael Henry Lee
her eyes fixed
on his bhangra moves
Liz Ann Winkler
above the veil
she promises with a long gaze
Clysta Seney
she prays
he stays
Wendy C. Bialek
her tongue piercing
and other treasures
Kiti Saarinen
she nibbles his ear
with wholesome intents
Carol Jones
he comes
in secret
Princess K
and as if by magic
they fall in love
Marion Clarke
by the holy river
we lay down together
Pauline O’Carolan
These verses would make the semi-final list and possibly be the chosen verse but for the reasons given below:
a kama sutra
on the bedside table
Andrew Shimield
I like this verse very much, but even though Andrew put the Kama Sutra in lower case it is usually capitalized and I’d like to avoid proper names for awhile (6 verses if we can).
they gather up the beads
for restringing later
Laurie Greer
I like how the beads connect intuitively to the form of seeds, and I like the suggestive way the verse treats the love act. Tantalizing. But Laurie already has a verse and we want more voices, I think.
her eyes fixed
on his bhangra moves
Liz Ann Winkler
Here’s a great verse—I was so happy to learn about bhangra. My only hesitation is it’s one verse early for more music; if I was not able to find a verse that would be as good as this, I might have to consider breaking the rules for the sake of the poem.
she prays
he stays
Wendy C. Bialek
So succinct, and yet so poignant. But Wendy, you already have a verse. Thank you for continuing to participate. And for offering encouragement and advice to others.
The final verses then are these:
above the veil
she promises with a long gaze
Clysta Seney
her tongue piercing
and other treasures
Kiti Saarinen
he comes
in secret
Princess K
and as if by magic
they fall in love
Marion Clarke
by the holy river
we lay down together
Pauline O’Carolan
My final choice was based on how a verse sounded when read aloud with the previous verse which led me to decide on Marion’s magical verse. Princess K’s verse worked well, but the overtone of a rendezvous, even though not mentioned, was too strong.
So here is the renku this far. Hope you like how it is shaping up.
rendezvous —
snowshoes piled high
outside the sauna Sally Biggar
an antiphonal greeting
of one wolf to the others Mary Kendall
the jury still out
on gray
vs grey Laurie Greer
a little half-
and-half in my tea M. R. Defibaugh
scarecrows and
moons are the best
listeners Dan Campbell
at the autumn gates
who can hear me now Wendy C. Bialek
an opened sesame
seed packet
from India Betty Shropshire
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
And now instructions and considerations for our ninth verse, another love verse. This verse should link to the eighth verse, but have no connection to the seventh verse. The requirements for this verse are:
- a three-line poem of seventeen syllables or less
- this is a love verse. It is the second of a sequence of two or possibly three verses. So in this verse we should see the romance advance to a later stage. In the renku the love verses are romantic love, not love of children or love of parents, for example. Note that we should avoid the mention of colors for one more verse, no beverages for the next two, no celestial references for three verses, and no building structures like gates, fences, houses, doors, etc. for four verses. Avoid proper names and seed-like things for five verses; avoid the names of countries for a long while. Avoid references to the occult for six verses.
- a single syntactical structure flowing over three lines
Please enter your verses in the comments box, below. I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Tuesday, April 21 (California time zone). On Thursday, April 23, there will be a new posting containing my selection for the ninth verse, some discussion of other appreciated verses, and instructions for composing the tenth verse.
I hope you stay safe and healthy. Do take all precautions. And I hope you are enjoying the renku writing process. Even though we are trying to write a great poem, the best way to do that is to be playful and let your mind be free. I encourage you to be whimsical, be daring, let your imagination loose. Let’s see what happens. I look forward to seeing your work.
And thank you, John, for your help in posting this.
In gratitude to all,
Patricia
This Post Has 189 Comments
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bride’s
prime rib au jus disappears
when she goes dancing
still amazed
at what fits
in that handbag
good one!, mark
she tries
every hex key &
nothing works
he curses
when she misnames the ocean
under their honeymoon plane
singing out loud
the words
of their song
*************************
warming
at the first warmth,
they are looked at with new eyes ………..
*************************
dividend
in two equal parts
the pill for cholesterol
his misspelled name
on the invites
when nobody shows
his
misspelled name
on the invites
.
his misspelled name
on the invites
and nobody shows
Thanks for responding, Wendy. Yes, your second correction seems syntactical…
misspellng
his name
on the invites
.
no shows
she misspells his name
on the invites
.
nobody comes
she misspells his name
on the invites
.
nobody shows
she misspells his name
on the invites
.
Lovely, Wendy! I’m still getting my head around syntactical verses. Had a discussion with Judt further down the timeline and she gave a very clear example of her verse with a break and without which I take to mean syntactical. It sounds to me that your first verse is syntactical and the rest have a break/pause at the end of the first line?
yes, you have seen this correctly, kanjini,,,,,my newest post…..i believe….corrects it….what do you think?
but she misspells
his last name
on the invites
jasmine fragrance
we shall wait till spring
arrives
in endemic weather
between us
no kiss
and as if by magic
they fall in love
*
I use her glasses
to find
my glasses
and as if by magic
they fall in love
.
Marion Clarke
.
after she laughs
with him
at his bruised thumb
.
the ultimatum
over his fifth car
sidles through the window
.
his affection
for ducks leaves
her smarting
new rituals
take no time at all
to learn
~~~
her charming spell
is just too difficult
to ignore
~~~
forever slipping
in and out of
sheer bliss
Ancestry.com
says she has wildflower
DNA
and as if by magic
they fall in love — Marion Clarke
.
Romeo
carries her away
on his skateboard
.
and as if by magic
they fall in love — Marion Clarke
.
he says there’s something
in the way she wriggles
her nose
.
Ha ha, nice one.
lorin,
great way to lead us
into the turning direction!
.
he pulls
the rabbit ears
on the old tv
.
wendy c. bialek
after sitting together
for decades, the stars
say more than words
hearts sculpted in wet cement
last longer than hearts
carved in bark
Congratulations, Marion, magical! Thank you Patricia for considering mine, appreciated.
*
never grown up
laughing
they vanish
good husbands practice
turning on light switches
with their tongue
how ((((((((shockingly)))))),
and wonderfully, juicy!!!!! dan!
hi Wendy, I’m glad it gave you a chuckle. I hope Patricia won’t ban me!!!
isn’t ban a deodorant?
i can’t imagine any woman not getting excited by your good advice and exercise!
ooh-la-la, Dan
touch and go from
this day forward
Verse 4:
…
he carved their initials
under the school desk
with a pocketknife
…
Verse 5:
…
delicate fingers
on his arm
in the pas de deux
…
Verse 6:
…
waltzing
to the radio
in their kitchen
…
Verse 7:
…
alone after the audience leaves
their voices float
untethered
…
Verse 8:
…
dancing
their pas de deux
by the lake
Congratulations to Marion, and thank you Patricia for another fine week. Good to hear you are still hanging in there, and here.
*
celebrating in
with a candlelight dinner
and their song
This is nice Debbie.
Seems like a good second course. 🙂
mirrors everywhere
catch them escaping
into a thousand arms
a bra
stuffed with wonder bread
keeps the interest up
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sudden pork shortage
he makes her
a sleight of ham sandwich
OR
*
he still
makes her laugh
after all these years
*
Kanjini, I loved the sentiment in “he still makes her laugh…”
*
he still
makes her laugh
after fifty years
*
both are fine and enjoyable verses…..kanjini….the… 50 year one…. makes a big jump in the love story of three verses….and would mean, if chosen, that the third love verse would be following chronologically in subject matter…from what life (including death) remains.
.
to add a little spice and suspense….you could place the word “laugh” on the last line.
taking the chance
to elope
in a puff of smoke
doves fly
from a cloud
of wedding cake
Congrats Marion! and thanks Patricia for consideration of one of mine.
.
.
one last drag
and then the aroma
of incense
.
marking his territory
with a stream
of consciousness
.
an entire physiological dogma
expressed through
erect nipples
.
she wore
his strand of pearls
knotted
.
behind the bully pulpit
a red
cardinal
.
.
her disappearing
birth
control p i l l s
he reads
all her hidden
thoughts
*
finishes
all
her sentences
finishing
all her sentences
what’s the point?
what she was going to say
before she did
knowing
sudden pork shortage
he makes her
a slight of ham sandwich
What a sleightly sight in my mind’s eye Wendy
thanks for spotting it for me, clysta!!!!!!
correction:
sudden pork shortage
he makes her
a sleight of ham sandwich
pretending
to show him an article
sits on his lap
***
to the first
picnic for two
a sprained ankle
***
and definitely
lilies are not suitable
to a marriage request
an opened sesame
seed packet
from India Betty Shropshire
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
.
two torrent ducks choose
a sunning spot
next to the rapids
.
her something old
is a bracelet charm
from his grandmama
.
like charmed quarks
their relationship
thrives on give and take
.
the newlyweds
spell each other driving
to Asilomar
.
I sure did enjoy the charmed quarks one!
Thanks, Dan. Kind of a riff on your banjo flamenco ku.
such sharp
daggers, her dark
brown eyes
#######
her yoga
headstands make
rain fall up
#######
their anniversary
cake candles set off
the fire alarm
or
.
+one for the wedding
chosen as my dime
lands heads
+1 for the wedding
chosen as my dime
lands heads
more than presto
required for lasting
domestic bliss
*
working together
for an equal di-
vision of labor
*
amazed by her feats
of DIY
prestidigitation
*
https://www.dnd-spells.com/spell/prestidigitation
is this considered occult????? Patricia can you chime in on this?
Hi, Wendy–I’d be happy to, but I’m not sure I understand the question exactly.
patricia are spells and acts of prestidigitation considered to be occult?
you have said not to repeat….
“Avoid references to the occult for six verses.”
Wendy–Yes, spells and acts of prestidigitation fall into the category that we are trying to avoid. But I need to be careful to say that spell, for example, which links to magic by one of its meanings might in the context of the new verse invoke another of its nonmagical meanings, like “let’s rest a spell.” This would not only be acceptable, but would be exactly the delightful shift we are seeking.
thank you, patricia…..that was wonderfully clear!
over the broom and
into the frying pan
and as if by magic
they fall in love
*
now property owners
we get dirty
in the garden
and as if by magic
they fall in love
.
Marion Clarke
.
Tapestries
are a fun way to capture
cavorting couples
.
initials
in the heart of a tree
splinter in the sun
Tapestries
make a good spot
for a picnic
.
bat and ball games
are more fun
when you cheat
Tapestries
make good settings
for love scenes
Robert, I really like the “initials in the heart of a tree…” “…splinter in the sun” tells of some time gone by.
Thanks Debbie.
I think it speaks of more than time.
and as if by magic
they fall in love
.
Marion Clarke
.
in quarantine
the bedroom door
becomes their lifeline
.
with the shutters
a breath of fresh air
in the bedroom
robert bedroom, shutters and bedroom door are structures…..not allowed….now
only the movers
agree where the
furniture belongs
Wendy, this made me laugh, but oh so true.
yes…we need some laughter….glad this did it for you, debbie.
family far,
far away, her
homesick eyes
in the place we first met
we stare together
at what’s no longer there
***************
memories
of exes
disappear
the first raindrops
hit the pond and he
pops the question
*
their faces reflected
in the pond’s
intersecting ripples
*
Or
their faces reflected
in the pond’s
intersecting rings
*
we used to love
just because…now we love
in spite of
*
this is a misquote of somebody
fortune cookies
placed on the
honeymoon bed
somehow his banjo
and her flamenco
play in harmony
somehow his bluegrass
and her flamenco
play in harmony
Dan, I couldn’t decide banjo or bluegrass, liked them both. Sounds magical to me!
I’m glad you liked it Debbie!
an opened sesame
seed packet
from India Betty Shropshire
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
.
beside a waterfall
two torrent ducks choose
their sunny spot
.
two vulnerables
dive deep
in swift currents
.
they decide to watch
ice melt instead of
oceans rise
.
smells of cloves
and baking bread
flood the new house tour
.
Like the second one Clysta!
Thank you Robert. Risking more.
like “the waterfall”, one, cylsta
resting for a spell
before
diving back in
*
they sit for a spell
to watch the waves
roll in
*
and as if by magic
they fall in love
.
Marion Clarke
.
in a flap
over her slow walk
to the station
.
the fun stops
with the rocket
landing
farewell in hurry –
the last words on her lips
remain unread
*
after my departure
the smell of her hair
still follows me
*
serene sky
but on her blue eyes
stormy clouds
.
both being huge
basketball fans
clinches the deal
.
.
both being huge
basketball fans is icing
on the cake
.
Magical, Marion. Thank you, Patricia.
*
the cheque
for their destination honeymoon
on hold
*
drawing hearts
in the sand
at low tide
*
morning light
brings a soft glow
to rumpled bedsheets
Thank you, Liz Ann.
the third verse is so, so pretty, liz
Thanks, Wendy
tango
those willing jumped
into the fray
*
tender threads
of night
fell apart in our hands
so poetic….the second verse, nancy
even their
shadows enjoy
holding hands
Awww
sweeeeeet!, dan
while making love
she mentions the ceiling
needs painting
Hahaha multi-tasking or what!
and as if by magic
they fall in love
.
Marion Clarke
.
under pressure
he throws a red herring
in the mr & mrs game
good one, robert!
and as if by magic
they fall in love
*
Marion Clarke
*
trying to come up with
a realistic budget
for romance
*
documenting their first
hundred days
in photos and verse
*
slowly transitioning
from rom-coms
to documentaries
*
and as if by magic
they fall in love
.
Marion Clarke
.
the sweetness
of pushing tags
inside of our collars
never so close
as at that
three month scan
*
is this too close to seeds in a packet?
an opened sesame
seed packet
from India
.
I don’t think the opened packet was planned, Andrew,
only the scan.
I don’t think so
the climax for her
is finishing
a jigsaw puzzle
satisfaction for her
is a jigsaw puzzle
for him
certain light
conveys their secret
neither is only one
misremembering the title
as Love in the Time
of Corona
*
writing the sequel
as Love in the Time
of Corona
*
Whoops–this instead:
*
writing their passion
in the time
of corona
*
and as if by magic
they fall in love
.
Marion Clarke
.
getting used
to hearing that same
story again
her joining in
with the laughter
at his dad dancing
she joins in
with the laughter
at his dad dancing
getting up late enough
to go right back
to bed
*
the tricky meetings
with exes
and in laws
*
no stumbling block
they can’t overcome
together
*
ticking off
calendar- wedding in
summer suit
through the bedroom window;
now you see them
now you don’t
.
first argument over
who raised the topic
of politics
.
.
put off balance
by their first spat
over nothing
.
.
which family
for which holiday
still up in the air
.
Thanks so much for selecting my verse, Patricia! 🙂
Btw is everyone submitting a verse or two on the topic of “nurses” to the world’s longest poem from The Haiku Foundation? But be aware, it’s only open for 24 hours. https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/2020/04/16/earthrise-rolling-haiku-collaboration-2020/
Congratulations, Marion. Love is magic!
…
Thank you for mentioning my verses, Patricia. It is the highlight of the week.
…
Verse 1:
…
paddling the river
and tipping into the rapids
from the double canoe
…
Verse 2:
…
taking a pair of sparkling earrings
he threads them
through her lobes
…
Verse 3:
…
fingers touch
then cling
under the table
Thank you, Pauline!
.
some turbulence
as they descend
for landing
.
.
some turbulence
as they descend
to terra firma
.
postpone to spring
good augury for wedding
they jointly decide
.
Hi, Patricia,
.
Could you please weigh in on the syntax discussion below? I think I worked it out, but I’m getting pretty rusty on grammar. Thanks!
.
Judt
.
*
his voice
in the morning is music
to her ears
*
*
the couple
tango to each other’s
heartbeat
*
almost home,
landings now are better
than takeoffs
#######
immigrant
wife, she calls him
prick stupid
.
raising the stakes
politics
comes up
.
Is that syntactical, Judt? I’m still learning the difference between haiku and verses for renku 😉
Good question, Kanjini! I was stumbling on that in the last verse, too…but ultimately swept it under the rug. Time to face the music and get it straight. Thanks!
Hi Kanjini.
In this verse ‘raising the stakes’ is a participial phrase that modifies ‘politics.’ As such, it should be followed by a comma. So I think the verse is not a syntactical unit.
If it were ‘bringing up politics raises the stakes,’ then ‘bringing up politics’ is a gerund phrase, subject of the verb ‘raises.’ That would work as a syntactical unit.
Thanks for bringing up grammar!😂
Yes, that makes sense Judt. Thank you so much for clarifying!
Kanjini–Judt has made the case very well and has given two good examples–one with a break and one without.
Thanks for confirming, Patricia.
Patricia, are you saying that both Judt’s examples are syntactical?
I understood syntactical to mean without breaks.
.
our first time
riding a tandem
zipline
.
.
.
Scout’s honor, Lorin…this was the first thing in my notebook this morning. But when I realized how it could be read, I hesitated to post it 😂.
When I saw yours, just had to chime in 😁.
Cheers!
Judt
.
not a trick
of the light
but an heirloom diamond
*
they proceed to stand
the test
of time
*
… or perhaps, to avoid beginning with an article:
.
an opened sesame
seed packet
from India Betty Shropshire
.
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
.
spectators gather
to watch the happy couple’s
double bungee jump
.
Congratulations, Marion! 🙂
.
*
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
*
a crowd gathers
to watch the happy couple’s
double bungee jump
Thank you, Lorin. 🙂
.
Love your bunjee-jumping newly weds!
well done Marion
*
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
*
the apiarist
and the aviarist find
the birds and the bees
Thank you, Andrew.
.
Well done on almost making the semifinals list. Best of luck with your next verse.
the mango
she hid behind the carton
was delicious
late night working
another dinner
for the dog
Congrats Marion and thanks Patricia, I look forward to each new week.
###########
her dancing
in the night keeps
them both young
#########
he sung
serenades under the
wrong window
#########
his serenade,
under the wrong
window
That’s funny, and very lovely, Dan!
Thanks Kanjini, you made my day!
Thanks, Dan.
.
I agree with Kanjini—and I liked the repetition of “un” when you had “sung” and “under” in the first offering.
his serenade
sung from under
the wrong window
love your serenade…..no matter where! dan.
*
short-lived
the honeymoon
she hoped for
*
Question – will using ‘their’ throw us back to ‘they’ in Marion’s verse? If not, here’s another using ‘their’ :-
*
beaming
as their firstborn walks
down the aisle
*
Hi, Kanjini–It’s okay to match the pronouns of the verse you are linking to; we want to avoid anything that takes us back to the verse before that’
Thanks Patricia 🙂
Well done Marion! Enjoying the renku, Patricia! Good to know your pantry’s well stocked. Here in NZ, the nation is still at Level 4 Lock down.
*
seeing the world
through their children’s
eyes
*
Thank you, Kanjini.
Here in Northern Ireland we’ve had a further three weeks of lockdown announced—I must admit I was surprised it was only three because we haven’t experienced the peak yet. 🙁
Thank you Patricia for putting my effort on the short list. Marian I love your love verse. As a “first-time renku participant” I am awed by the prolific offerings and appreciate the guidance you provide Patricia. Reading a final renku is very different from participating in the creation of one.
Thank you, Clysta.
.
Yes it is indeed very different. I was introduced to renku here on THF some years back. I dithered at the side for a while and then decided to throw myself in at the deep end, even though I had no idea what I was doing! Thanks to the leadership of a great sabaki each time, I’ve learned so much—and continue to do so in this one with Patricia.
Congrats, Marion! It seems we were both thinking of magic this week, and who couldn’t use some as of late!
*
wearing her
wedding dress
to bed
*
I did notice a slight misspelling of my name, but my gratitude again well outweighs the insignificance of such an error lol:
*
messing up
my name becomes
a running joke
sound waves
produce an image
of their daughter
***
the image of
their first child
on the ultrasound
***
their life’s purpose
is revealed
on the ultrasound
***
life’s purpose
revealed in the first
image of their son
***
she breaks
every bone in his hand
while giving birth
so sorry–maybe by the end of this I will have it right.
can you see my red face?
No problem! I had it happen a couple of times last session too, so I’ll blame it all on John lol
Thank you, M.R. (Did you say your first name was Matt a while back?)
.
And yes, there’s no such thing as too much magic! I spotted that Wendy had a very humorous verse about a magic carpet instead of an Uber. 🙂
Oh, I forget I’ve already compromised my identity. I started out as Matthew last session, and then M. R. became my haiku-self, you could say lol…I somehow missed the Uber version.
day after day
the charm
of your intellect
Congratulations Marion.
Thank you Patricia for considering mine.
Thank you, Robert.
Congratulations, Marion, you never know when or where ‘love’ will come upon you, and when it does… alakazam 🙂
.
Thank you for considering one of my verses Patricia, appreciated.
Thanks, Carol—yes, just like magic! 🙂
&&&&&&&&&&&&
and as if by magic
they fall in love
.
Marion Clarke
*
reducing
marriage vows
to haiku
*
those were the days
they thought they’d
never end
*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3KEhWTnWvE
way to go Marion one of my favorite vs’s this round
***********************************************
abracadabra,
without a thing
to wear
*********
producing
a condom from
out of his hat
****************
while his back
is turned she pulls
the old switch-a-roo
Thank you, Michael—and for your comment in the submissions that I only spotted this morning. 🙂
fun pick patricia….
.
congrats marion! i like your magical, playful verse! and the start of our first love verse.
Thank you, Wendy. I only saw your Uber one this morning and it made me smile 🙂
thank you, glad you liked it! marion.
Terrific, Marion!
Thanks, Patricia, for putting me in the finals!
*
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
*
setting their hearts
on a modest
fixer upper
*
at last he retires
his collection
of pick-up lines
*
Thank you, Laurie! And well done for reaching the final selection 🙂