The Renku Sessions: Rendezvous – Week 15
The Renku Sessions continue on The Haiku Foundation. I am Patricia Machmiller and I am honored to be your guide for an eighteen-verse renku, in which we will compose one verse per week until completion.
Hello, Everyone. I hope you have had a good week and that you and all those close to you are doing well. It’s been a quiet Memorial Day weekend here on Monterey Bay. There was a regatta last Sunday; a trove of sailboats came from Monterey to Moss Landing where I live. I think of all the things human beings have made the sailboat must be one of the most beautiful. They all had their sails (almost all were white) trimmed the same, except for one that had its blue-green spinnaker out. What a lovely sight it was.
And we are here to choose our fourteenth verse. I’m sorry that we weren’t all in accord with my choice for the last verse, but that does happen in renku. Sometimes there’s a falling out, but hopefully, as in any community, if we bring our most generous selves to the task at hand, we will create a wonderful poem.
So here are the verses that stood out for me as potential candidates to consider from the offers you made:
three scoops of ice cream
make too much mess Pauline O’ Carolan
your turn to monitor
the kiddie pool Ellen Compton
an ear of wheat in his hand
turns to dust
*
crashing waves make
pies of sand castles
*
a street person
uncovers the darkness
*
mired in darkness
the smell of stale wee Robert Kingston
surf’s
up!
*
reading
through the heat wave
*
the going rate
of a beach front time share
*
authentic reproductions
of spinning wheels at the faire Laurie Greer
bases loaded home runs
were boyhood dreams
*
it takes three sparklers
to write her name
*
kiangazi dust
cloud stampedes Dan Campbell
our old electric fan
whines back and forth
*
the basking coiled snake
can still strike Alison Woolpert
a guy in a tank top
slurps up a yard of beer Maxianne Berger
slapping myself
instead of a mosquito Andrew Shimield
long shadows
over a long day Mark Powderhill
glasses mount up
on the beer garden table
*
why do brits wear socks
with their sandals Carol Jones
a kickball knocks over
the glass of wine
*
writing names with sparklers
in the night air Debbie Scheving
on the ferris wheel ride
she spots an ice-cream vender
*
a quick beach game
of strip poker Wendy C. Bialek
a child in the crowd gasps
at fireworks in the lake Marion Clarke
again, the child’s sandcastle
plundered by rough tides
*
on the nudist beach
imbibing ice-cold beers Barbara A. Taylor
row row row your boat
into the calm morning Clysta Seney
after the county dance
sweaty faces Carmen Sterba
behind the peephole of the door
a blue striped sundress Margherita Ptericcione
thoughts devour her
under the mosquito net M. R. Defibaugh
a luna moth
revisits my screen door Jonathan Alderfer
dining al fresco
in pool noodle hats Liz Ann Winkler
As I looked these over, two things became clear to me: (1) I wanted to move away from a circus-like theme as I felt this was taking us back to the seals two verses back, and (2) I wanted this verse to be in unity with the moonlit scene in the previous verse. This meant that the new verse needed to be a night scene or possibly, a very late afternoon scene when the moon might be just rising. An early morning scene didn’t seem compatible with the singers in Autumn’s verse.
So these are the verses that seemed most promising:
crashing waves make
pies of sand castles Robert Kinston
This makes an interesting image under the solstice moon. The shape of the pies of the flattened sand castles links to the shape of a full moon. Sand castles feel like summer to me, but I can’t find them specified anywhere.
surf’s
up! Laurie Greer
This is the ultimate in a verse that goes fast. The surf is linked to the moon’s tidal action.
our old electric fan
whines back and forth Alison Woolpert
I like the connection here of a mechanical whine to the singing voices in the previous verse. The phrase “back and forth” is a bit too similar to “give and take” in Clysta’s verse, however.
slapping myself
instead of a mosquito Andrew Shimield
Even though he doesn’t say it, there’s the whine of the mosquito connecting this verse to the previous verse.
why do brits wear socks
with their sandals Carol Jones
Great question. And I like the idea of having a change of rhetoric here. I would say this is a scent link in that it feels similar to the previous verse in tone and sensibility.
writing names with sparklers
in the night air Debbie Scheving
This makes a nice scene with the solstice moon. Dan also wrote about the same subject, but I chose to consider Debbie’s because Dan already has a verse. The link is the light.
after the county dance
sweaty faces Carmen Sterba
Music is the connection here and also the faces are moon-shaped.
thoughts devour her
under the mosquito net M. R. Defibaugh
What a great verse this is. “Thoughts devour her” in this time of great anxiety is such a profound expression of what we are experiencing. The link is unusual. The thoughts are going round and round in her head—very similar to singing a round. Wow! So good. Thank you for this.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door Jonathan Alderfer
A beautiful luna moth connected to the moon by its name.
dining al fresco
in pool noodle hats Liz Ann Winkler
This verse works if we imagine the diners to be spending the evening poolside. I hesitate a bit because it feels a little too close to the circus atmosphere, and yet it’s not.
So those are my thoughts; from these I am going to choose Jonathan Alderfer’s delicate verse:
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
And here is our renku so far:
rendezvous —
snowshoes piled high
outside the sauna Sally Biggar
an antiphonal greeting
of one wolf to the others Mary Kendall
the jury still out
on gray
vs grey Laurie Greer
a little half-
and-half in my tea M. R. Defibaugh
scarecrows and
moons are the best
listeners Dan Campbell
at the autumn gates
who can hear me now Wendy C. Bialek
an opened sesame
seed packet
from India Betty Shropshire
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
like charmed quarks
their relationship
thrives on give and take Clysta Seney
a boomerang
when skillfully thrown returns Kanjini Devi
the seniors’ tour group
photobombed
by an emu Judt Shrode
“this way
to the performing seals” Pauline O’Carolan
another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon Autumn Noelle Hall
a luna moth
revisits my screen door Jonathan Alderfer
We have four more verses to the end of the renku—it is coming fast. To give you a notion of where we are going as best as it can be anticipated, I want to lay out the final path. Whether this is what actually happens, only the renku knows. Let’s imagine we are starting through the rapids. The following two verses (15, and 16) should go fast, like we are rushing quickly and adroitly through the rapids until we come to the waterfall, our glorious ending (verses 17 and 18).
So, with the above in mind, here are the instructions and considerations for our fifteenth verse. This verse is a no kigo verse. It should link to the fourteenth verse, but have no connection to the thirteeth verse. The requirements for this verse are:
- a three-line poem of seventeen syllables or less; in this case less is more.
- this verse is a no kigo verse. Avoid the names of countries for a long while. Avoid references to science subjects for one verse, and tools or small flying objects for two. No birds, old people, or photography for three verses. No more mammals except humans for the rest of the poem. No more celestial objects; no more insects. No more buildings or parts of buildings. Also, no flowers—we have a blossom verse coming up.
- a single syntactical structure flowing over three lines.
Please enter your verses in the comments box, below. I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Tuesday, June 2 (California time zone). On Thursday, June 4, there will be a new posting containing my selection for the fifteenth verse, some discussion of other appreciated verses, and instructions for composing the sixteenth verse.
Again, I hope you stay safe and healthy. Do take all precautions. I hope that as a community of writers we can make this process enjoyable for everyone. Keep up the good writing. The challenge, should you care to accept it, is writing a verse that flows quickly. Now is the time for clean writing that zips along. Lightness is the key here—lightness in tone and style. The more you write the better the final renku will be. I look forward to seeing your work.
As always, a thank you to John for his help in posting this.
I’d like to express my gratitude to all who have contributed; I especially appreciate the good will and kindness you show to each other and me; I am hoping for a return to amity. Thanks to those who already have a verse and still are contributing. We are glad for your voices and your company.
Patricia
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another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon — Autumn Noelle Hall
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door — Jonathan Alderfer
——————————–
good luck
doubled in a pair
of jade hairpins
.
good luck
doubled with the gift
of jade hairpins
.
madam’s updo
fastened by jade
butterfly clips
.
whoops… I’ve just realized I’ve posted the above a day late. Should’ve done it yesterday. . . but other things intervened.
That is a shame with your late entry, but then again our sabaki does make exceptions 😉
.
good luck
doubled with the gift
of jade hairpins
.
I like this as it is more pleasurable to give than receive, and what a beautiful gift and following verse this would make.
All the best with this one.
A breathtakingly beautiful verse, Jonathan. It took me back to the very first time I ever saw a luna moth as a child–synchronistically, thumping its pale green wings against the screen door of my Grandma’s summer cottage. Thank you for lending such a lovely image.
*
the hinged
symmetry
of dejavu
*
*
*
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the green fairy
lights upon a sugar cube
on Bourbon Street
*
~Autumn
in the backdrop
of a daydream
waves of jade mountains
the silent
spreader
i can see
is
tinkerbell
in the lampshade?
gone
never knowing
she was my favourite muse
so many share
feelings of déjà vu
in this cosmic script
silk pajamas
snap and flutter
on the clothesline
Liz, this brought to mind a butterfly.
the ringing
of a phone
left inside
*
stripes of sunlight
fall on the table
through louvered shutters
*
arriving home
to the aroma
of baking bread
*
someday
we hope to hear
his knock
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
after the tide
worm holes pop
in the sun
Patricia, a small request. Could you correct the spelling of my first name in last week’s renku verse to Jonathan (with an “an” at the end) ? Thanks
QUESTION FOR EITHER:
.
Patricia/or John Stevenson.
.
before this goes into archives….would you be able to correct:
his first name spelling??????????
.
J O N A T H A N
thank you in advance,
omg–of course, Jonathan. My deepest apologies.
Thanks Patrica, no need for apologies.
texts
from
an ex
the astronaut
she’s wearing
his space suit
+++++++++++++
a signal
unknown
from the control panel
change of color
tongue
strikes
*
tongue
strikes
change of color
*
chameleon’s
tongue
strikes
tumbleweed
convoy sailing across
a sea of sand
#######
a quarter in the
jukebox and memories
dance again
Dan, I like “memories dance again”.
Many thanks Debbie
SpaceX launches
a craze
for tic-tac-toe
*
This could be off limits as a science subject, but it could also be seen as business.
almost gone
mom reminds son
7 ½ W
(inspired by carmen’s and current events)
getting scarce
mom directs son
7 ½ W
centered
on
stillness
and:
centered
in
stillness
.
centered
in
silence
his smiling photo
posted on her
dartboard
#######
his smiling photo
resembles her
voodoo doll
########
life becomes
boring when you walk
around puddles
########
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
his bed of nails
sandwich
is a head turner
.
turning heads
his bed of nail
sandwich
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
flying first class
in his very own
paper airplanes
*
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
Dad greasing
his leather boots
for the country dance
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
mother saw
her son on TV
looting
that is so “on” !….carmen
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
neighbors grease
up their motorcycles
for the curvy roads
looting for nearly
nine minutes
a stolen breath
google has
zero searches
for mercy
promised parachutes
we were given
jetpacks
like the imagery here, peter!
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
in dappled light
they play
kiss and tell
.
looting
they say
is a black thing
.
from time to time
they speak
of found treasure
.
given the choice
boarder
or country
between orbits
the spaceman’s’
broken voice
ah, yes. Nice one, Robert.
.
Back in the day, there was also Bowie …
.
fast forward
to The Man Who Fell
to Earth
.
Thanks Lorin
.
Vague memories
of space suits
and high heel boots
.
ziggy
turns stardust
to rain
.
on major tom’s birthday
we toast the nurses
With a fly by
.
Love the last one, Rob 🙂
Thank you Carol
looting
they say
is a negative thing
.
maybe a better visual opportunity, with the change Rob 🙂
.
Thanks Carol
looting
they say!
is a black thing
.
the pigeon
along the border
chooses neither path
.
🙂
Perhaps?
.
the pigeon
along the garden border
chooses neither path
No birds, at this stage, however this could be a good verse for a ‘dove’
thank you for the reminder Carol. 🙂
.
stuck in a bunker
the canary
losing it’s voice
stuck in a bunker
the canary
losing it’s voice
.
They are loud and clear in this bunker 🙂
for all intents and purposes
their family cottage
ours
another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon – Autumn Noelle Hall
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door – Jonathan Alderfer
——————————-
the Cornwall coast
just right
for hang gliding
.
a parachute
plummeting
seaward
.
another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon – Autumn Noelle Hall
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door – Jonathan Alderfer
——————————-
“This is not
a photo opportunity”
by Banksy
.
that balloon girl
on the West Bank wall
still flying
.
deafened
by the presidential
helicopter
.
All of these!
Particularly the West Bank.
Nicely carved!
Thanks, Robert.
(“photo opportunity” of course should be scratched … no photos as it harks back to “photobombing”.)
the sailboat named
for her sank
like a rock
going
for
gold
.
all
wrapped
up
.
limber girls
favored
in PE
.
PE
teacher
a tyrant
.
benched
at
half-time
.
setting up
an
alley-oop
.
goalie
gives
his all
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
reversi
is a game best played
at night
.
solving
the last clue
of the crossword puzzle
.
ten stitches later
they view the result
of his hernia op
.
at the strip joint
her fish nets
hung out to dry
.
.
at the strip joint
her fish nets
swing on a line
black walnut trees
in the backyard nurture
your babies
black walnut trees
in the backyard
nurture your babies
in a zen garden
morphs into this tiffany
birdbath
the guest
is a celebrated
sushi chef
at the hotel
she gets
five star room
sigh, no buildings :/
.
on arrival
she’s pinned down
in self isolation
all of nature’s beauty
come to live their pesticide-
free lives here
all of nature’s beauty
come to live their lives here
pesticide-free
Indeed! Wendy.
Thanks Patrizia for mentioning my proposal, congratulations to the chosen
*
onefrom the roller coaster
in the lights
headlong
*
start
of Ferris wheel
descent
*
a last touch
of iridescent blush
and go
correction
from the roller coaster
in the lights
headlong
marched for evers & for king
but how easily this morphs
into a terrifying thing
*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7fgB0m_y2I
.
https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/medgar-evers-assassinated
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1T25D2CLrE
marching
need not morph
into a terrifying thing
in dark places
miners search
for silver
Robert, I loved the silver in the dark.
Thank you Debbie!
old oak
trees remember
favorite winds
##########
redwood
sipping
fog
########
remember
grandpa planting
that pecan tree
########
ode to joy
needs no
translation
#######
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
expanding and
contracting the columns
of a spreadsheet
*
catching just
the flutter
of a heart murmur
*
The breadth of your links astounds me. All lessons for the learning. Appreciation—Clysta
unfurling a bolt
of hand-painted silk
for a new kimono
welcome visitor
to the committal
service
At night a cloudburst
the flootgates of heaven open
raindrops beat the drum
drawn to the light
left on
before twilight
a luna moth
revisits my screen door Jonathon Alderfer
*
awards night
but there’s no-one
in sight
*
there’s only one way out
take it
or leave it
*
dusting off
my fingerprints
just in case
*
the danger of extra kilos
thanks to lockdown
and technology
*
a new path opens
the way to changed habits
and better lifestyles
~~~
SpaceX launches
without a
hitch
S
p
a
c
e
X
launches without
a hitch
Wendy, love the concrete haiku!
thanks, debbie
Congratulations Jonathon on your verse addition. The unpredictability of how the renku is coming together has been fun. Thank you Patricia, for including a couple of mine in your discussion. I will contribute more tomorrow, but for now in honor of this year’s graduates:
*
eyes bright
over face masks
in school colors
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
Jonathon Alderfer
*
rinsing dried beans
for the cassoulet
in her new Instapot
*
plexiglass smudges
on your side
or mine?
*
designer face masks
go to the highest bidder
at the on-line fundraiser
reincarnated
as a tiffany
lamp
Like this one. Adds age, coloOur and mood.
Edit
Colour
thanks, rob
morphed into
a tiffany
lamp
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
the cello quartet
plays
chopsticks
.
https://youtu.be/QEPi86C3aLM
.
cool, that’s a different sound!
granite griddles
sound different
with finer mesh
.
trifles topped
with hundreds
and thousands
.
pre threaded
needles
for her tapestry
.
he chooses
triangles
for his yosegi
.
https://youtu.be/qSPob8zm77Q
.
Willard’s world
in the eye
of a needle
.
https://youtu.be/kpyySLrMxPI
bamboo matchas’
do great head
massages
take this key
should you decide to stay
in the fantasy suite
[without building/building parts]
take this key
should you decide to stay
in the fantasy zen garden
*
https://m1.cbhomes.com/p/790/522894/B22429Bde528473/pds23tp.jpg
*
fools rush in
where angels
fear to tread
*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq2Xa-AJfrA
another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon – Autumn Noelle Hall
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door – Jonathan Alderfer
—————————————
imagine
Christo’s Wrapped Coast
done in parachute silk
.
due to the virus
Madama Butterfly is
cancelled
.
https://opera.org.au/whatson/events/madama-butterfly-melbourne
another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon – Autumn Noelle Hall
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door – Jonathon Alderfer
———————————-
who was
that dashing
masked man?
.
the neighbour
who gets things wrong
wears a Zorro mask
.
just under
the wire his
completed thesis
.
ambulance sirens
waking us from our
pretty dreams
.
there’s tomorrow
and tomorrow if
we’re lucky
.
of all here, lorin….i find your last one to be most fitting and intimate as a link
Intimate isn’t a requirement. Though a range of tone as well as topic, over the whole Renku, is desirable.
runningnowsprinting
becausehehasto
gethometopee
really great use of no spaces between words! It renders both the holding it in and the no time to pause ☺
Gracias Maxianne!
crowned
checkers king
for the day
*
a late-blooming
chess
prodigy
*
our first guest
is a celebrated
sushi chef
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
hypnotised
by the mosaic
mask of Tezcatlipoca
Or
hypnotised
by the mask
of Tezcatlipoca
Clouds hang heavily
vivid lightning flashes
loud thunder rolls
Dark clouds are lifting
and the sun is peeking through
people breathe again
At night a cloudburst
the flootgates of heaven open
raindrops beat the drum
I like this one Ingrid.
still sheltering
the safety
of #1
faint shadows
merge with
shadows
hearts
beat faster
at the border
appliquéd
a light patch
until it is fixed
luna
tic moth revisits
my scream door
(apologies to Jonathan!)
Funny. Apologies unnecessary. I’ve always felt moths have a noir side.
वहाँ पर लटका हुआ
*
vahaan
par
lataka hua
*
at the intersection
of hard work & luck
is success
*
from a quote by Dustin Moskovitz
“Success is very much the intersection of luck and hard work.”
That is so true.
at the intersection
of hard work
& luck
Very good, Wendy!
thanks, kanjini
names not down
you’re not
comin’ in
a squad car
rides
the double line
*
his rights read
by a cop
without a mask
*
Hey Laurie
Just wanted to say congratulations on your haiku universe ku yesterday.
.
Your second one here. Wow.
Thanks, Robert! I witnessed the incident in these verses just a little while ago.
*
Haikuniverse is a lot of fun–glad you read it!
Hi Laurie
Yes, I have haiku universe and tiny words. Always interesting to see what gets approved. Had a couple published in the past. More recent submissions though have not made the grade.
lit by
static
on the TV
jealous
fluttering
eyelashes
~~~~
back
to the glow
of his phone
~~~~
el sonido
de la
madrugada
saxophone
notes say sorrow
better than words
#########
eating with
chopsticks is my
comedy routine
#########
a beautiful
smile can still melt
a cold cold heart
falling
with grace
takes practice
1,2, & 4- so, so true! 3 is just pure humor 🙂
Thanks Kanjini!
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
the shapeshifter
Proteus
still rising
connecting
through
#s
**
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
how do you stop
a psyche from
tossing and turning?
how he’s taken to
wearing stripes
with plaid
*
longing for
somewhere
off the grid
*
Laurie, love the image of stripes and plaid, and off the grid I feel often.
prayer
flags chanting
in the wind
#
#
#
**
from #
to
#
**
oh, Laurie .. the second version! I really really like it ..
Thanks, Maxianne! Sorry if I get a little obsessive sometimes. Just have to try things out in every iteration possible.
Laurie,
It has taken me until now to get this. Had a line break been inserted it would have hit home. It certainly meets the succinct and the human elements.
I vote for the hashtag.:-)
a trip
to the hairdresser
long over due
.
not sure if this is too close to Judt’s in respect of tour/trip?
also ‘a’
.
revision
.
appointment
with the hairdresser
long over due
drawn in
to the story before
we could turn away
****************
nothing to guide
them but the glow of
the lamplights
*************
extraordinary now
that you should
mention it
***************
with so little time
and far less
opportunity
glow-in-the-dark
thread embroidered
on her jeans patch
while tracing
a face mask pattern
on graph paper
*
while cutting
a face mask pattern
on graph paper
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
.
– Jonathan Alderfer
*
fedex delivers
our cottonelle
toilet paper
& fedex delivers
our cottonelle
toilet paper
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
netting
his first
stickleback
.
netting for sails
is as useful as talking
into the wind
.
a rumble
from the depths
of Lector’s mind
.
antiheroes
seek out fun
in the dark
Lector
once again asks Clarice
to marry him
Lector
again asks
to be married
Lector
asks again
to be married
another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon – Autumn Noelle Hall
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door – Jonathon Alderfer
—
more literature
from the Jehovah’s
Witnesses
.
in the blink
of an eye
the fairy queen
.
here and there
along the silk road
an oasis
.
space cadets
with wide grins
winging it
.
To pick one of this great sequence is unfair, but!
.
here and there
along the silk road
an oasis
.
.
firmly in his cheek
the skill
of Matisse
Hi Robert, thanks for letting me know your preference. 🙂
.
I should’ve used caps for the name of the road, of course, so I submit this revision:
.
here and there
along the silk road
an oasis
.
Duh! Again:
.
here and there
along the Silk Road
an oasis
.
your first one, lorin, has a universal relatedness and links satirically well with jonathan’s verse!
another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon Autumn Noelle Hall
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door Jonathon Alderfer
.
Congratulations and kudos, Jonathon. A masterful link to my mind as it’s done so simply and smoothly, as suits the kyu section. Your verse links admirably to the previous verse: the moth “revisiting” the screen door recalls the way round singers revisit the lyrics, over and over. The “luna” of Luna moth also enacts a re-visitation, this time to Autumn’s moon.
.
Moths (and other insects) on screen doors are definitely a sign of a hot summer night, in my experience. You’ve nailed it with this particular species.
.
Thanks Lorin. Your explication is just about what I was going for. I liked trying to work in multiple links, and changed “visits” to “revisits” at the last moment. When you mentioned “Autumn’s moon” I thought, how perfect for her to write a summer moon verse.
lorin, your analysis of jonathan’s verse is a welcome breath of fresh air to this renku blog…so glad you have decided to participate and contribute what you are best at… in a positive way. and we have our wonderful sabaki, patricia, to thank, who found this gem…to add to our fantastic rendezvous renku.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
J o n a t h a n Alderfer
‘so glad you have decided to participate and contribute what you are best at’
.
My god. Just as this genre reads in so many ways, so do your words, ‘smug’ comes to mind.
.
the thin weave
of your garment
reveals far too much
the accelerated leveling
of stressed vowels
through her paisley mask
fifteen hundred years
of linguistic development
reduced to OMG
🙂 🙂 🙂
.
so true, Patrick.
Patrick, this made me laugh, with a tinge of sadness.
tears
for gone with the wind
at the drive-in
gone
with the wind
at the drive-in
I like the second version Maxianne.
thanks, Robert .. it was actually my original .. and then I thought it needed more .. but you are right, less is more ..
me, too! robert and maxianne
☺ .. thanks, Wendy ..
I wish I knew how to trust when it’s as short as necessary .. I guess practice and experience ..
i am reminded of a true story about a haiku master in minimalist haiku,…. writer, j.w.hackett:
having written an award winning,( first place) poem of few words…reworked it and made it even shorter and submitted the revised poem in the following year’s contest…where this one also took first place.
*
so, what we may ask…. is when is a piece finished?
*
many have argued, that hackett’s first version was the better of the two.
*
i am sure….that i could spend many more hours….months….or years with any of my offers and tweak, tweak, tweak them…as i often do.
*
somehow….i feel, that it isn’t just the amount of syllables or words….(or experience level) but the overall weight of the breath/and content/flow…. to read it aloud…the proper mix of ingredients to get the desired feel/taste….when it is right to you…the goldilock’s technique.
*
this is a subject….that i could happily engage an entire lifetime to….
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
at the art school
they teach us
how to scale up
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
the show hawk duo
play adagio
for strings
.
https://youtu.be/FIrkhJut4Ew
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
then sometimes the scales fall
back
in his eyes
*
laying lettuce
on a dish
for a taco wrap
.
do not disturb
the hobo who shares
my porch
.
find
another
way
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
waiting for the scales
to fall
from his eyes
*
tipping the scales
with the lightest of
fingers
*
honoured
to be on your
bucket list
howling under
porchlights doesn’t
feel the same
In case the “presto!” is too magical/carnival-like . . . here’s another go . . .
*
origami paper
morphs
into a fish
someday we’ll
sharpen spears
for another war
*
presto!
origami paper
morphs
*
crippled beggar
sprinting
to catch a bus
########
tripping over
cobblestones
in the redlight district
#########
snake cafes
cause upset
stomachs
########
bowing
beats shaking
hands
*
alas,
you don’t speak
Spanish
*
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
nothing like
the sheer mesh
of silk stockings
*
setting off
a tornado
*
the flap of the wings
I delete your number
*
in one flap
I delete your number
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
paying
with a touch
at the kiosk
*
payment
at the tip
of a finger
*
everything
touch
and go
*
. . . lovely luna, Jonathon!
*
di, di, di, di,
the scammer’s call
disconnects
Good one, Alison!
i train my pupils
to jump above
the lily pad mask
*
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
https://www.spoonflower.com/en/masks/DIY-face-mask-kit/5763128-lilypad-lily-pad-leaves-spring-summer-green-nasturtium-small-miss-chiff-designs-by-misschiffdesigns?fabric=wallpaper_smooth
down below
the firemen weave
in all directions
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
.
loading the saddle
of his second hand
buckaroo
offering a link
to the unfound
verse
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door Jonathon Alderfer
……
.
wrong
way
home
.
each
time,
stopped
.
The link for these (and one more) are the profound 1960’s silkscreen posters of Corita Kent … homage to her social justice art to rally the silent majority
Jonathan, I love that lovely luna moth .. and Patricia, thank you for pausing at my slurping guy, and all the comments that explain various ways of linking ..
**
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
let’s play
fairy princess
in mom’s canopy bed
*
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
grounds crew out
in neon green
vests
*
the stony yard
covered
in moss
*
winging it
at the job
interview
*
waiting for you
I draw zig zags
then a butterfly
Congratulations, Jonathan, on this lovely link!
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
the wind sweeps
a swirl of pine needles
from the cabin roof
*
the poplar’s
photosynthetic
bark
*
a sip of absinthe
to inspire
a new poem
far from settled
our neighbour’s boundary
still under dispute
sent flying
by a bump
in the bike path
*
catching
each other
on the fly
*
gently poking
a few holes
in the story
*
more than a few
holes
in his stories
*
Love all your verses, Laurie! Just a thought :-
–
not so gently
poking holes
in the story
.
Please bin it if you don’t like it 🙂
rainbows
riding the lengths
of the garden silk
This one is a beauty!
Thank you Laurie
wow!
Thank you Kanjini Devi
poetic moths
say a match
is an unhatched flame
########
poets
call matches
unhatched flames
########
crashing with
flaming wings
is the way to go
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
the morning post
clatters onto
the mat
*
this mountain view
is well worth
the climb
hitching a ride
to a pot
luck dinner
the question bears
repeating; can’t we all
just get along
the question bears
repeating; ” can’t we
all just get along”?
****************
if at first you don’t
succeed the likelihood
dramatically declines
******************
just a spoon
of Midori helps
the medicine go down
Yes. It can’t be said enough apparently
Thank you, Michael. Your verse echoes my thoughts 🙏🏾
A lovely verse indeed, Jonathon. And lots of ways to link to it!
…
Verse 1:
…
she flutters a fan
to hide
her acned face
…
Verse 2:
…
tired of
the same old
same old story
…
Verse 3:
…
meetings
by computer
are still painful
…
Verse 4:
…
growing a hedge
to block out
the neigbours
…
Verse 5:
…
her wimple
on top of
the camphorwood box
her wimple
on top of
the camphorwood box
.
This is awesome Pauline.
nice!
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
in his fifties
he learns
to pick strings
a Beaufort
found
on cleethorpes beach
.
if only
he didn’t
have a mouth
.
continues
writing a story
untitled
**
pens a story
without plot
construction
*
**
opening tap
only to see mud
flowing
*
still hot breath
flowing through
mask
lovely to read more verses from you, radha 🙏🏾
Dear Kanjiini Devi,
Greetings. It is this encouragement that keep us , writing community going ahead, thank you so much
with regards
S.Radhamani
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
.
roller coaster…
the twists and turns
of their lives
.
litchenstein’s
“landscape with philosopher”
rare serigraph
*
https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=22857501331&cm_mmc=ggl-_-COM_Shopp_Rare-_-naa-_-naa&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIh8jg4vrX6QIVRL7ACh1frwbtEAQYFyABEgJfZ_D_BwE
analyzing
warhol’s
roschasck
the folded canvas
of warhol’s
rorschack
*
https://www.moma.org/collection/works/79749
corrected spelling:
*
the folded canvas
of warhol’s
rorschach
spelling corrected:
*
analyzing
warhol’s
rorschach
the folded canvas’
of warhol’s
rorschack paintings
*
https://www.moma.org/collection/works/79749
I like this!
.
unfolding
Warhol’s
canvas
corrected spelling:
*
the folded canvas’
of warhol’s
rorschach paintings
candle
light sculpting
the darkness
lighthouse
beams shattering
the darkness
Very nice, Jonathon! Simply lovely.
.
.
The Unbearable
Lightness
of Being
.
.
the news cycle
at warp speed
makes my head spin
.
.
the news cycle
at warp speed
spins my head
.
her reflection
in the sleeper
car window
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
sending the message
without
the attachment
*
resending the message
with
the attachment
*
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
I woz ere
carved
on a bench
.
his prize car
draped in retirement
paraphernalia
.
a pile
of welcome home cards
on the step
.
she names
her holey sweater
hòly
.
beneath
the pallet truck wheels
night day night day …
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
living on speed
through the rail carriage
window
.
brushing dust
from his
Cavalier suit
.
bagging
his cavalier suit
for the bin man
I wos ere
carved
on the bench
.
nice one, Rob.
and brevity was asked for 🙂
Thank you Carol!
.
he carves
a haiku
into oak
Down the ages, humans have always left his/her mark, from prints in pottery to cave paintings etc.
.
And nature own in the form of fossil. All say ‘I wos ere’ 🙂
*
I woz ere
carved
on a bench – Robert kingston
.
🙂 🙂 🙂
Robert, I especially liked “I woz ere…”
now I
attend staff meetings
nekkid
my wife’s
lovely hips are brown
year-round
“let’s play Twister
let’s play Risk; see you in
heaven if you make the list”
I forgot that rhyme … LMAO
Congrats, Jonathan! A beautiful verse, so light and mesmerizing. And thank you, Patricia, for another insightful session. I look forward to this every week 🙏🏾
welcome back
neon lights
of diners
juggling
lemons &
limes
the removable
fluorescent chartreuse
bookmark
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
keeping the limes
under lock
and key
*
mysterious holes
in the antique
carpet
*
the neon
lights
of Broadway
*
the flicker
of neon lights
in Vegas
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
after the earthquake
they fold up
the risk board
.
he rips
the dusty cover
off her corvette
.
the back side
of water moves
just as fast
.
Hi Clysta
I wondered about “whips” Instead in your corvette verse?
.
Nice verse.
Thank you Rob. 🙏🏼 Whips does shift the image, and given the pain of this awful week in my country, this will be my revision:
.
he slips
the dusty cover
off her corvette
.
Reads great Clysta
.
The slow reveal over excitement.
,
she slips
the dusty cover
off her corvette
.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the white knee
suffocates
a black neck
the white knee
on
a black neck
bare branches
make a mockery
of freedom
.
in star terms
a dying light
burns twice as bright
.
canaries
can run out of breath
in dark places
.
in dappled light
we see
how unity works
Revision
.
canaries too
can run out of breath
in dark places
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
rhymin’
and jivin’
in the poetry slam
*
tattoos
on her back
just out of view
I like this one. Carol.
Thanks, Robert, never an easy task this linking 🙂
The best bit in my opinion Carole.
I like this because it is not apparent. 🙂
Ta, Rob, glad to saw my intention.
slam bam
thank you
mam
**********
some chloroform
will preserve the
memory forever
*****************
picture postcards
returned with an
address unknown
*****************
again i’ll touch
the green green
grass of home
congratulation jonathan!!!!!!!!
this was my favourite of all your lovely verses!
patricia you picked a perfect fit!!!!
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
going for
the grand
slam
*
Thank you Patricia for adding my verse to the renku, a delightful surprise to wake up to this morning. And thanks to everyone for sending their compliments. So many of your verses have opened (screen) doors for me.
I’ve been misspelling your name…sorry!
Congratulations Jonathan!
Congrats Jonathan!
Congratulations Jonathan and thank you Patricia for encouraging our participation and creativity.
Jonathan, congratulations on such a settling verse. Just the right tone for the upcoming rapids. And, Patricia thanks again for the highlighted verses and guidance and your experienced steering. I am learning so much from everyone
a luna moth
revisits my screen door Jonathon Alderfer
.
hot wheel races
on the sidewalk
pull me outside
.
Congratulations Jonathon. A lovely verse.
A nice array of selections this week Patricia. The renku is looking good.
Well done everybody.
speed dealing
he forgets
to say thank you!
until the daybreak
preparing presentation
for a conference
Congratulation on having your verse chosen, Jonathon. It portrays a great backstory on its return. I see the element of surprise and excitement, as this session has been 🙂
And with the renku spirit still intact, we move onward.
.
Thankyou, Particia, for selecting one of my verses for comment and consideration.
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
too soon to open
too hard
to stay closed
*
oops–
without a break:
*
too soon to open
but too hard
to stay closed
*
a luna moth
revisits my screen door
*
Jonathon Alderfer
*
venting
through
the face mask
*
congratulations, Jonathon! A short, sweet verse.