The Renku Sessions: Rendezvous – Week 13
The Renku Sessions continue on The Haiku Foundation. I am Patricia Machmiller and I am honored to be your guide for an eighteen-verse renku, in which we will compose one verse per week until completion.
Hello, Everyone. Well, another week and you have been busy. I have too. How can one be busy when sequestered? But somehow, I find there to be almost more deadlines than usual. And zoom meetings and poetry readings. Are you zooming a lot too? And then there was Mother’s Day with greetings and gifts to be sent and phone calls and text messages. My son came to do a six-foot away visit on the deck. So that was a lovely diversion. Oh, and I must tell you, I am sequestering on Monterey Bay—I’ve been here for almost a month, and for the whole time I have been looking through the telescope several times a day to see if I could see a whale. Didn’t see any—day after day—not a spout. And then a few days ago, there were spouts everywhere all day long. And two days ago, I walked up to the telescope and out of the water came a humpback—straight up—right before my eyes! What a sight! Next, he (or she) dived and I saw the tail. And then—he resurfaced, spouted, and breeched this time tail first! Half his body was out of the water; he came down slapping the water with his tail. He repeated this show at least 10 times—I lost count. It was serendipity; I am still full of wonder.
Now on to our poem. I did not get to answer Wendy’s question in a timely manner, but I did resist choosing verses that had old people in them as I thought they were too close to the “senior tour group.” There were also some verses that I like very much referring to Saturn’s rings, but because our next verse is going to have the moon in it, I had to pass on those. Here are the verses that stood out to me as candidates for Verse 12:
she loses her white gloves
at the zoom bridge game
*
a new cover
for Las Meninas
*
through the crowd
a rebus of eye heart eye queue
Robert Kingston
sprinklers spray the field
at the same time every day
Carmen Sterba
“hold on tight”
her claws on my wrist
Nancy Liddle
que te mantengas
por siempre joven
*
you’re so vain
you won’t be seen in a face mask
Wendy C. Bialek
impossible to see her
dancing in the brightness
Jonathon Alderfer
sometimes it’s easier
to believe in the devil
*
being the zookeeper’s
favorite has its perks
*
faces fade away
but her fragrance remains
Dan Campbell
“CAUTION — BULLDUST
for the NEXT 80 MILES”
*
what’s-his-name the flasher
will be airbrushed out
Lorin Ford
taking a break
from breaking news
Debbie Scheving
a towering crane teeters
as the jackhammer starts up
Clysta Seney
OMG,
ingesting bleach?
Alison Woolpert
what’s in that sandwich?
the focus of chatter
Barbara A. Taylor
chased
by an unruly mob
Mark Powderhill
it’s all eyes on
the ordinance officer
Autumn Noel Hall
masked passengers
side-eye my allergies
M. R. Defibaugh
her nest egg growing
with bitcoins
Ellen Compton
kitty’s tail in and out
of the zoom meeting
*
land protections lifted
without a Twitter
Liz Ann Winkler
‘guests, like fish begin to smell
after three days’
*
Greek soldiers creep
from the wooden horse
Andrew Shimield
from stay at home
to stay alert
Sally Biggar
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
they viewed the collection
with robbery in mind
*
does it really matter
if you’re black or white?
*
for encouraging violence
the juniors’ coach was sacked
Pauline O’Carolan
he followed her to school one day
and broke the teacher’s rule
Kiti Saarinen
reading through the night
by a long-necked lamp
*
suddenly feeling nekkid
without his bandanna
*
too tall to fold him-
self under the caution tape
Laurie Greer
And these are the verses that were the final candidates:
a new cover
for Las Meninas
Robert Kingston
I think this reference to Las Meninas, the painting of the Spanish royal family by Valázques is superb. The link is the group, in this case a family group. And the clever way the painter included the grandparents by having them reflected in the mirror echoes the unexpected appearance of the emu in the seniors’ photo. I would be tempted to overlook the use of a proper noun here, but I don’t quite understand the reference to “a new cover.”
through the crowd
a rebus of eye heart eye queue
Robert Kingston
This is a very interesting image which I confess I don’t get. But I like the language and the link of “crowd” to “group” works.
que te mantengas
por siempre joven
Wendy C. Bialek
Excellent verse, Wendy. It brings in a foreign language, it sounds beautiful, and it’s meaning “stay/forever young” is so fitting. But you already have a verse.
faces fade away
but her fragrance remains
Dan Campbell
Dan, what a lovely verse. It links well and it brings in summer. This verse could easily be a summer verse. You, too, already have a verse.
what’s-his-name the flasher
will be airbrushed out
Lorin Ford
This verse links to the photo. And has interesting language and a snarky attitude.
‘guests, like fish begin to smell
after three days’
Andrew Shimield
I like this quote and I think “guests” makes a good link to “group.”
Greek soldiers creep
from the wooden horse
Andrew Shimield
This has a more subtle link. If the emu appeared by photobombing, these soldiers are doing the opposite by sneakily making their intrusion. Very nice. But it uses a proper noun.
“this way
to the performing seals”
Pauline O’Carolan
Excellent, Pauline. You’ve linked to the performance aspect of photobombing. The expression in the voice of a carnival barker is a change-up in rhetoric and you brought in seals!
he followed her to school one day
and broke the teacher’s rule
Kiti Saarinen
I like this use of a snippet of a nursery rhyme. The nursery rhyme is about a lamb, but we can’t help read it as an emu in this context. This would continue the tongue-in-cheek joke of the previous verse.
Of these I have decided on Pauline’s verse:
“this way
to the performing seals”
So here is our poem so far:
rendezvous —
snowshoes piled high
outside the sauna Sally Biggar
an antiphonal greeting
of one wolf to the others Mary Kendall
the jury still out
on gray
vs grey Laurie Greer
a little half-
and-half in my tea M. R. Defibaugh
scarecrows and
moons are the best
listeners Dan Campbell
at the autumn gates
who can hear me now Wendy C. Bialek
an opened sesame
seed packet
from India Betty Shropshire
and as if by magic
they fall in love Marion Clarke
like charmed quarks
their relationship
thrives on give and take Clysta Seney
a boomerang
when skillfully thrown returns Kanjini Devi
the seniors’ tour group
photobombed
by an emu Judt Shrode
“this way
to the performing seals” Pauline O’Carolan
We are coming up on the end of the renku—it will be here before we know it. I want to give you a notion of the ride ahead. I’d like the next verse (13) to build in intensity and excitement like we are approaching the rapids in a river, then the three following verses (14, 15, and 16) should go fast, like we are rushing quickly through the rapids, and we come to the waterfall, our glorious ending (verses 17 and 18).
So, with the above in mind, here are the instructions and considerations for our thirteenth verse. This verse is a summer moon verse. It should link to the twelfth verse, but have no connection to the eleventh verse. The requirements for this verse are:
- a three-line poem of seventeen syllables or less
- this verse the summer moon verse. Avoid proper names and seed-like things for one more verse; avoid the names of countries for a long while. Avoid references to the occult for two verses, references to science subjects for three verses, and tools or small flying objects for four. No birds, old people, or photography for five verses. No more mammals except humans for the rest of the poem.
- a single syntactical structure flowing over three lines.
Please enter your verses in the comments box, below. I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Tuesday, May 19 (California time zone). On Thursday, May 21, there will be a new posting containing my selection for the thirteenth verse, some discussion of other appreciated verses, and instructions for composing the fourteenth verse.
Again, I hope you stay safe and healthy. Do take all precautions. And I hope you are enjoying the renku writing process. Keep up the good writing. We need another high-energy verse. Now is the time for the wild, the hilarious, the outrageous. The more you write the better the final renku will be. I look forward to seeing your work.
And thank you, John, for your help in posting this.
With gratitude to all who have contributed; and thanks to those who already have a verse and still are contributing. We are glad for your voices and your company.
Patricia
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beach sand
drifts on abalone rainbow
gone with the moon
Hopefully you’ll see this.
Interesting piece on Amstel Adams about two thirds of the way through.
Suddenly I know more of the man.
Civilisations, Series 1: 3. Picturing Paradise: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p05xxwh5 via @bbciplayer
Thanks for the link, Robert, I’ll be signing in to see that later this evening, looks a interesting piece.
The whole series has been interesting Carol. Enjoy!
This series can be purchased as a box set, so I’ve done that.
Thanks again, Robert 🙂
koto music
drifts over
the moonlit kelp
tumbling beach glass
in this man-made kaleidoscope
cool moon
tumbling beach glass
in this man-made kaleidoscope
cool moonlight
koto music
drifts over
the moonlit kudzu
–
a saucer
of summer cream
transits the Milky Way
–
on the road home
the high school baseball team
moons the moon
–
the moonlit ripples
of ten thousand minnows
blessing the river
–
clouds are fickle
but the summer moon
is a constant friend
very nice display, jonathon
thanks wendy
j a-
wish we could do birds, this time!
sorry, correction: jonathan
Jonathan, I enjoyed reading these, especially the saucer one, gracias!
even
the summer moon
distancing
in a bathing suit
delighted
by her moonshadow
on a pocket mirror
near her prom bag
pink lips kiss a moon
this way
to the performing seals”
.
Pauline O’Carolan
.
moonbeams
don’t just pick out
skinny dippers
cute idea…rob
the mask behind the mask
on his sunburned face
in moonlight
in a bathing suit
not delighted
by her moonshadow
follows the noom
not delighted with her summer
moonshadow
*noom is an online diet program.
.
not delighted
by her summer moonshadow
follows the noom
“this way
to the performing seals” – Pauline O’Carolan
.
hanging out
with wet beach towels
the short night’s moon
.
someone somersaults
off the diving board
into the moon
.
for opening night
the midsummer moon
arrives on cue
.
fantastic! lorin….you nailed it!
agreed
the clowns pirouette
on the edge – the summer moon
bounces on its string
*
slippery steps
the summer moon hides
anybody here?
the clowns’ pirouette
on the edge – the summer moon
bounces on its string
more moonlight
than money in the banjo
busker’s sombrero
#########
moons prefer
baritone bullfrogs over
bluegrass banjos
revision
.
Act III backdrop shows
a flower moon
over the convent wall
.
waiting for the moon
this lone mosquito
and i
.
drinking in the moonshine
this lone mosquito and i
slaphappy
.
after white lightning
this lone mosquito sends up
the thunder moon
.
.
our sunburn sizzles
as we plunge into the shock
of a moonlit lake
.
.
our sunburn sizzles
as we plunge into
the moon frothed mountain stream
.
lockdown laundry
spinning silk pj’s
around an unfinished moon
his sunburned face
bare in moonlight
holds a mask
not laughing
at the skinhead’s summer haircut
just the bouncing moonlight
Only one verse this time.
…
we tiptoe on the hot sand
before plunging
into the moonlit sea
Nice! Great image and felt sensations, Pauline 🙂
and it’s a good one at that!
this way
to the performing seals”
.
Pauline O’Carolan
.
in the spotlight
the janitors
last sweep
this way
to the performing seals”
.
Pauline O’Carolan
.
a tin lid
echoes out
from clanger moon
echoes
from a tin lid
on clanger moon
🙂
How delightful to hear once again of these little lovelies.
nice. rob
sharks wear face masks
from hammocks
under the monsoon moon
(this one is w/o mammal)
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
another round of
sumer is icumen in
for the solstice moon
*
~Autumn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMCA9nYnLWo
Wendy, thank you for the link.
Having enjoyed Autumn’s “Sumer is icumun “ I went onto the attached link by David Hockney. If not already seen, I think it a must for any photographer or artist.
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=2ahUKEwjd5q3Bsr_pAhXbXhUIHVwFA-sQwqsBMAB6BAgJEAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DJKbFZIpNK10&usg=AOvVaw2Zg6t1tt1YNePAfPmNWp6g
wonderful link….rob….love hearing about secret tools and research!
thank you so much for sharing these secrets!!!!
but robert, it has inspired poetry from me now…..so it is not limited to the visual artists…..though i consider poetry to also use visual cues.
.
by the way….i have been searching the video you mention where patricia reads haiku…..but with no success….do you have one you can list here????
Hi Wendy,
There are two parts to Hackney’s secrets, the second part covers the invention of photography in art and then compares A piece of Van Gogh to a piece from the 15th century as artists look back to life before glass.
.
Patricia reads as part of the Victor Ortiz Video on the “Haiku life series”
I’m not sure of the path from the THF home page. It may be that it will be reposted shortly as some of the otherS are currently on a second viewing.
Although I have had trouble viewing some of the videos to their ends, all that I have viewed have been exceptional.
Thanks Rob, I learned a lot by watching this!
You’re welcome Dan.
Me too!
Thanks for the link, Wendy. Utterly delightful!
i posted the music link, thank you, kanjini, if this is the one you saw and
rob posted the art link.
whales wear face masks
from hammocks
under the monsoon moon
oooops! no mammals!
splash pattern
on my new kimono
and this moon
washing my hair
where gnats dance
in moonbeams
“this way
to the performing seals” – Pauline O’Carolan
.
swimming solo
in the shark-proof pool
this summer moon
.
each gin & tonic
with a slice of the moon’s
coolness
.
another summer moon
washing in
with the flotsam
.
through charred trees
can it be the rising moon
so red and huge?
.
carnival dreams of cotton candy
and waking up
the moon was gone
rabbits appreciate
how moonbeams light
up my garden
#####
moon watching is
therapeutic but no one
mentions the side effects
scarecrows have
problems falling asleep
under a full moon
dan….that’s a good one to save for an autumn renku verse.
Thanks Wendy!
Act III backdrop shows
a flower moon
over the prison wall
future earthlings
will weep when the moon
drifts out of sight
#######
earth bound aliens
must miss moons with methane
seas and diamond beaches
at the rising of the moon
the cicada song
it fades
*
their engagement
after a bicycle ride
under the summer moon
*
such a bright moon
hid the light
of the fireflies
all very lovely, angiola, the middle one will be good to submit for a love verse in another renku.
during the scary parts
of the drive-in movie
i turned to the moon
seals story for your consideration…be sure there is a moon nearby
https://youtu.be/4s2_qGeLEhQ
sea lion i mean
clysta !!!!!
thank you for reading and participating with my verse…..what a kind and fitting gesture to take the time to make this enhancing link.
my cycle flight
in front of
the summer moon
*
in front of
the summer moon
my cycle flight
love that movie!
nice, me too!
the top one, works best for me….kiti…..great movie!
:)!
&&&& Pauline, congrats! 🙂 Thank you Patricia for considering mine, appreciated! &&&& Congrats Andrew on your kukai haiku &&&&
*
ready to jump
towards the summer moon
my self-made wings
*
a run-up
to the summer moon
my self-made wings
thanks Kiti
sweet, kiti
thanks Wendy!
the shiny ball
teetering on the seesaw
is a moon
this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
cooling off
with a cold beer
under the moon
Andrew,
.
congrats on your second place haiku (my mistake…confused you with another…who had a mention)
‘
not far from folk city where the young dylan hung out, was the gaslight cafe…where i first heard ritchie havens, patrick sky, dave von ronk….etc.
if you don’t know dave; here is one of his more emotional performances…..i love it for the raw sound…..[a warning in advance for content lyrics….are sensitive/ adult]…..
https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=moon+of+alabama+by+dave+von+ronk
delete above a mistake
here’s the correct link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d20sPvMLGls
cheers Wendy
haven’t heard this guy for over 40 years!
i just listened to his live youtube rendition of, “he was a friend of mine”.
in the phil ochs tribute….fantastic!!!! and i see him giving picking lessons to his blue grass song, online, too!
.
at the muggy night rally
the moon seems stuck
in his hairspray
.
in this humidity
the moon seems to melt
the kids’ ice creams
.
tentatively
on the tip of a wet nose
summer’s first moon
.
slow and steady
along the high wire
tonight’s moon
.
in this humidity
the moon appears to be
sweating too
.
moon glow
in the calm before
the thunderstorm
.
shedding
its regional names
summer ‘s first moon
.
I like your second verse Lorin.
me too Lorin
Wow, Lorin…only after posting mine did I see yours just before it. I even considered using ‘the moon appears’ instead of ‘the moon seems.’ Serendipity, or great minds? 🤔
Now I see you also have ‘the moon seems.’ And humid/muggy…kind of amazing.
this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
exploding spiders
take over
the moon lit lake
this one may appeal to autumn noel hall because it is about 2020 high school grads:
…………
thousands of masks
and square school caps
but the moon shines on dumbo ears
i wrote this verse after hearing a news item about how the students in lockdown wearing facemasks so often to protect their family at home or/strangers on the street….have developed protruding ears….from the straps of the masks…..then, practicing….wearing their graduation caps on top…..added fuel to the fire.
so this is a tribute to these youths for doing good!
[though, it may not have been apparent]
this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
after dancing
her gravy legs look like clouds
in the moon light
.
at the summer ball
her gravy legs look like clouds
in the moonlight
.
in days of steam
clouds billowed upwards
over moonlit tracks
blue moon
stealing a syllable
to make the cow float
.
Sorry my second verse above has one too many syllables.
I’m working on it.
blue moo
stealing a letter
to make the cow float
even joyful tears
have a habit of revealing
the moon
how moon lit crabs dance
when tuned
to the fishes
🙂
after dancing
her gravy legs
reveal the moon
Nice bit of nostalgia, Rob, loving the ‘days of steam’
Eeeeeuuuuuwwww! A new term to me. Live and learn. 😂
Robert is referring to the war years, Judt, when ladies use browning to tan their legs and then draw a line down the back of their legs to give the illusion of wearing seamed stockings.
Steam trains and moonlight, well, the way Robert has presented his words is almost a cinematic view of romantic goings on of the era 🙂
Thank you, Carol! I couldn’t imagine…but that’s all I could find. Obviously, the verse went right over my head.
And abject apologies, Robert!!!
Thanks Carol for your words.Pleased you enjoyed the trip.
No drama Judt.
🙂
Unaware of
sleeping screens
the moon passes behind a tree
when nature called me
on the camp grounds
a blushing moon
chips low
on father’s day
we surprise him with a new moon
we surprise dad
on his day
with a new moon
*
surprising both dads
on their day
with a new moon
surprising both dads
on their day
the black moon
my butt tattoo
is a beach bum howling
at the moon
ending the summer stock run
with a cameo
by the sturgeon moon
*
in the heat of night
another glacier calves
into the moonlit sea
Alison, I really admire your link in this haiku .. very nice ..
Maxianne
Thank you, Maxianne, I’m just now getting back to reading the latest links. Wow, there are so many fine ones! This renku is swiftly flowing, and though I have no new links to add today, I’ll see you all on the other side of the “13th link Falls”.
excellent….and with a hint of climate change/global warming
he exits
the amphitheatre stage
pursued by the moon
*
this year’s summer stock
is a hit thanks to the moon’s
guest appearance
*
the moonlight
shines through her
summer kimono
***
perspiration
on the face
of the moon
***
a bead of sweat
across the face
of the moon
***
we still reach
summer moonlight
with regret
***
the moonlight
asks for more
an encore
moonlight
through a tunnel wave
guides the midnight surfers
nice visual Carol
Thankyou princess k 🙂
moonbeams
falling fast
before June arrives
.
moonbeams
falling fast
before June bursts out
“this way
to the performing seals”
..
Pauline O’Carolan
.
a window
of moonbeams
chase tomorrow
“this way
to the performing seals”
.
Pauline O’Carolan
.
moonbeams
hurry as we prepare
for tomorrow’s picnic
pity planets
with sick moons
and wilted cornfields
########
full moon
flooding blackberries
with light
trained to think shortcake
when she points to
the strawberry moon
*
Does anyone know this picture? It isn’t me! No idea where it came from, but I promise I wasn’t trying to steal anyone’s identity.
that is strange Laurie. it doesn’t show up in your reply. i always wondered how people get their picture in that box! maybe a seal did it ….
Have you been zooming. Here they say scammers can infiltrate the zoom meeting. Not sure whether it opens a gate to personal data or accounts.
Nope, no zooming. And sent from an ancient 4s phone with almost no memory left.
The mysteries of the digital world…
Could it be linked to the THF registry. Thought these photos originated from there.
tumbling in the clear
water ripples
shimmers of moon
*
over the waterfall
the gossamer glow
of a spreading moonbow
I like ‘gossamer glow’, Wendy 🙂
thanks, kanjini
Moonbow, a gem!
thanks….dan…..they are devine to watch with the naked eye/and heavenly captured on camera/video
LOL!!!!!!! i just learned the meaning of “devine”
.
it says:
adjective, noun, verb
a frequent misspelling of divine.
over the waterfall
the gossamer glow
of a floating moonbow
.
(another version)
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
sleeping out
at the rock festival
under the moon
*
summer moon
lights the mountain path
to the temple
*
at the cricket match
they end the day’s play
by moonlight
its evening glory
bathing
by moonlight
this ones no good, in the bin
It’s a nice vision if you can nail it Carol.
Ta, Rob, evening glory can be just as wonderful as morning glory, in relation to enjoying the moment, its just finding the right words 🙂
.
When I first started reading haiku I came across this little beauty-
.
I break my fast
amidst the morning glory
— Matsuo Basho
Is he taking breakfast in the company of these flowers or enjoying his meal while admiring the dawn? A layered verse, indeed.
Much to learn from the masters 🙂
morning glory seeds are known by some to be hallucinogenic
Quite right, Wendy, in large amounts, and harmful to the health of the person.
As you say Carol, much can be learned from the masters.
The fragrance could have had an added effect to his meal and /or vision.
.
Take care 🙂
people unknowingly eat these seeds from store planting seed packets which are coated and can get them very.very sick.
.
as in basho’s poem
these were picked from the virgin plant.
Congrats Pauline! And happy to hear your whale watching was more than successful, Patricia. We are fortunate to have some whale activity up here in the Puget Sound.
*
on the closed beach
we sit and watch
the moon
OR:
*
on the closed beach
bare moons run
in the moonlight
Removing one of two “the”.
*
on a closed beach
bare moons run
in the moonlight
.
gone-off trout served
to senators galumphing
in their moonlit wallow
.
Oops. Senators are mostly old codgers and crones.
“this way
to the performing seals” Pauline O’Carolan
*
fireflies trapped in a jar
become invisible in
waxing moonlight
*
under the Hay moon
a legless frog
slowly staggers
*
mesmerizing
moonlit sequins
on her hemp kimona
*
dazzling us all
those moonlit sequins
on her summer kimona
Congratulations, Pauline! I love it!!
Thanks, Judt! Fab to follow yours.
I agree Judt!
Nice image Pauline.
cool pleasure
[drum roll please] to my upper right
natsu no tsuki
*
under an oy vey moon
may your smelt be well done
with this heat
*
https://www.thespruceeats.com/fried-smelt-with-garlicky-swiss-chard-1300834
with this heat
oy vey under the moon
may your smelt be well done
*
with this heat
under an oy vey moon
may your smelt be well done
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
.
the beach master
orders belly dancers
under a strawberry moon
.
Nice image with belly dancers and strawberry moon!
Thanks Kanjini—your cluster inspired.
I agree Judt!
Nice image Pauline.
.
.
Strange, I typed this message here and it went to a later convo between you two.
I think this full moon is pulling some shenanigans.
this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
.
under the moonlight
an old tin bath
filled with flowers
into moonlight
they debate the origins
of Gregorian chant
ambitus as in moon
changes its tone
on a hot night
i took a long route reading about the meanings and the history of ambitus — a new word for me and quite timely. lots of side benefits in a renku when housebound. very much like this verse.
Pleased you had the time to explore ambitus Clysta. It is a new word to me too. I came upon it on my research into Gregorian chant.
Hi, Robert–there’s no summer in this en-chant-ing verse. It could be “cool moonlight,” couldn’t it? Or ?
Thank you Patricia!
Your suggestion adds more of a surreal feel to the verse.
.
ambitus as in cool moonlight
changes its tone
on a hot night
oops–somehow my comment, which was meant for your Gregorian chant verse, ended up posted to your arbitus verse. My apologies.
into cool moonlight
they debate the origins
of Gregorian chant
in the cool moonlight
they debate the origins
of Gregorian chant
reaching for the moon
they board straw mats
to wizz down
this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
.
reaching new heights
the rice fish
shadows the moon
.
eclipses happen
more frequent now
rice fish are in space
bagpipes and banjos
sound even better
beneath a full moon
########
bagpipes and banjos
sound even better
on the moon
*
the children
in detention
decorate a rose moon
*
stalking slugs by
the light of a full
strawberry moon
*
the strawberry moon
prompts a prisoner
to plot an escape
*
the sailor
serenades to a
rising rose moon
*
a runaway dresses
the raspberry moon
with rainbows
*
an activist
draws attention
to the raspberry moon
*
a recital
at twilight amuses
the thunder moon
*
a full
hay moon party
goes viral
*
the dress rehearsal
goes swimmingly well
before a sturgeon moon
*
tarakihi
doing the dance
under a sturgeon moon
(tarakihi – a common edible sea fish of New Zealand waters)
Kanjini — I feel like I’ve been swept around the world in ten verses. Think I’ll go again.
Ha ha, I hope that’s a compliment, Clysta. I have one that I didn’t include due to ‘no references to occult’.
*
a magician
misdirects with
the mead moon
I’ve just realised that all these names for moons (‘Strawberry Moon’ and etc.) are out for this verse because they’re proper names. Using lower case doesn’t change the fact that they are such.
.
“…this verse the summer moon verse. Avoid proper names …” – Patricia
True. Lorin is right. I said “Avoid proper names . . .” meaning that would be desirable if at all possible, but for the sake of the renku, I might have to relax my standard. We need a summer moon in this verse. These are our choices:
“summer moon” and as Lorin has pointed out, we already have “autumn gate.”
Named moons, such as Strawberry Moon or Hay Moon, etc.
Summer moon references used by the Japanese, such as cool moon or tsukimizu tsuki (month of the rainy season when there is no moon (June)) or natsu no tsuki (summer moon).
There is the option of using a second summer seasonal reference to indicate the verse is a summer verse and leaving the moon unmodified. In order for this option to work well, the summer seasonal reference should appear in the verse before the moon appears; otherwise the reader at first misreads the moon, and therefore the verse, as autumn and then has to adjust his/her perception when the summer reference appears.
lorin….
now that is a real aha-haiku moment……LOL!!!!!
on a road
to nowhere
splashed with moonlight
like this one so much, carol
Ty, Wendy 🙂
his harping on directions
as comic
as the June day moon is long
*
they chase the summer
day moon across the bridge
to the beach
*
Unless bridge is too close to gate?
*
chasing the summer
day moon down
to the beach
*
no one here to see
my perfect headfirst dive
into the moon
*
lakeside
raising my drink
to two moons
love the first one, kristen…best!
the second one….do you need to say,”two”? how about “the” instead? because the “s” in moons already tells me you have more than one moon.
I especially like the first one! I’m wondering about ‘headfirst,’ though. In my mind, ‘dive’ means headfirst. Anything else would be a jump or a fall, etc. I feel that the verse would be cleaner without it, like that perfect dive that sliced the moon.
judt….i agree it would make it cleaner…..but sacrifice the visual.
.
but i love the interaction of the image i see…the diver’s head (like an arrow) reaching the target of the head/face of the moon.
it is like she is proud of two accomplishes….going in headfirst “and” hitting a specific target. (reaching two goals)
Perhaps, but in my reading it’s redundant. We agree it’s a very nice verse!
in early summer
a thin thread of moon incites
their passion
his monkish demeanor
sent to blazes
by the August moon
*
Or
his monkish demeanor
gone to blazes
in the August moonlight
*
Maybe I meant this:
*
the August moon
sets up false expectations
of monkish behavior
*
this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
.
short night
his last dime carries the moon
into his pocket
on this short night
his last dime carries the moon
into his pocket
A lovely image, Robert. Reminds me of the song ‘catch a falling star’
Showing my age, now 🙂
Thank you Carol.
I remember that song. 🙂
Let’s just those that don’t know it, haven’t lived. 🙂
🙂 🙂
i’ll put it in my pocket!
the drama of his stunt
heightened
by the thunder moon
*
fireworks ending
in a blast
of the thunder moon
*
Or too close to bomb?
drenched
with moonbeams
*
mooning the
summer sky
*
paying their respects
to the laughing moon
men suffering
from moonstroke dive
into empty swimming pools
wolves suffering
from moonstroke
whisper instead of howl
full moon
resting on a
haystack
########
full moon
following fleeing
refugees
if only the curved beam
of this sickle moon
could cut the grass
cutting
the grass
this sickle moon
gnats’
pool reunion
on the moon
gnats’
pool reunion
on the unsplashed moon
gnats’
pool reunion
on the slippery moon
this sounds better to me:
melting in moonlight
silent beads of water
on the body bags
‘
so…..if this can be considered as a non-breaking verse….
this is my preferred verse, preferred order and preferred meaning.
however…both beads of water, and body bags can
“melt” [even as a memory]
this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
.
the court jester
usurps the dazzled samurai
with his moon haiku
.
the court jester
usurps the dazzled samurai
with his moon walk
.
through sun and moon
I keep the same smile
for humanities sake
Ah, perhaps “moon walk” is too close to the hokku. Sorry.
not even the moon knows
what the butter see
at the summer fair
What the butler saw is the known term. A saw being a tool I believe rules out the use of the word.
Thoughts please.
.
not even the moon knows
what the butter saw
at the summer fair
Rob,
you could avoid any problems….and use “sees” or “has seen”
.
however, you ask an interesting question about usage and context in renku….if there are exceptions when the context is different…..that is something that i would like to hear more about too….and hear what patricia has to say on it.
Hi Wendy. Thank you. My first verse uses “see”
Perhaps I no need worry. Using “saw” after all.
.
Thank you Carol.
“saw” as Robert was using it is not a tool; it’s the past tense of the verb see.
Thanks Patricia for putting me right, on the verb and noun error, must remember to check more carefully with the lists I use.
In the content of your verse ‘saw’ reads as a noun, not a verb, Robert.
i don’t agree, carol.
and i do believe, rob’s concerns has to do with patricia’s rules for this week….about not having small machines.
heavy sigh,
.
There’s no rules here, Wendy, just gentle guidance.
Just noticed the typos. Should read butler and not butter as is printed.
Should have gone to spec savers, could have saved the ink. ;-D
thanks for killing it! robert!
not even the moon knows
what the butler saw
at the summer fair
.
“Rob,
you could avoid any problems….and use “sees” or “has seen” ” – W
.
What are the problems you hint at, Wendy? What do you find is wrong with “saw”, in context?
this got all jumbled-up
i was responding to rob’s typo “butter”.
i don’t have any problem with “saw”
lorin.
it was rob’s question of if it could be confused with the machine saw….which is a no-no now with patricia’s rule.
rob….
these are fun pieces….
.
but i would like to comment further on clarifications:
moon verses, i believe, need to refer to a real moon…a reflected moon or the light coming from a real moon, (or covered…or absent)
“moon walk” can refer to a dance,,,but by itself, may not be enough to qualify….same with “moon haiku” (not a real moon)
.
“sun” is not a summer kigo…..it can be present in all seasons.
Thank you Wendy. Will look into that.
Congratulations, Pauline! I like the way that this verse can read either as direction, or misdirection. Seems a fitting capture of our leadership circus of late…
*
Thank you, Patricia, for including my verse among your mentions! I realized upon reading it in the context of the lineup that I’d managed to misspell my intended word, which was “ordnance.” It should have read “ordnance officer” (as in the bomb squad) rather than “ordinance officer” (as in the rules enforcer). I’m guessing you understood my intention, nonetheless.
*
I had a thought/question about the word “senior” in Judt’s verse: is it possible we could have interpreted the verse as referring to High School seniors instead? Maybe on a senior trip abroad? The use of the modern colloquialism “photobombed” might even support that more youthful angle. If that were the case, then would potential follow-on verses including details normally affiliated with senior citizens have constituted a departure/shift from Judt’s verse, rather than a too-close connection? Or do you, as Sabaki, have to consider multiple possible interpretations of any given word and try not to overlap any of them? Just curious…
*
Not a critique–I agree that the senior citizen interpretation is the more humorous and so moves the renku in a punchier direction. Just trying to get to the nitty-gritty of link and shift here! Advance thanks for any insights you might care to share!!
*
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
panem
et circenses
luna sub aestatem
*
Latin for:
*
bread
and circuses
beneath a summer moon
*
~Autumn Noelle Hall
Wow, Autumn–You opened my eyes to a different interpretation of Judt’s verse. If I had seen what you saw, I would have considered any verse that resolved the question to be a possible follow-on verse. If we had been writing this altogether in a room somewhere, someone like you would have pointed out this other interpretation that I missed and the whole course of the renku could have changed. The river can flow in many directions . . . I do like how Pauline’s verse is working, however . . .
autumn,
i could see how it could possibly be seen as a senior high school trip…though…not because of your reasoning…..i know many seniors….who use and know the “photobombed” word for along time.
The use of “seniors” as referring to high school students is interesting, Autumn, but to me that usage would most likely apply within the school community whereas “seniors” (referring to older people) applies in the wider community. We have “seniors cards” from State governments which allow certain discounts and privileges to those over 60. . . I don’t know about the USA.
.
Yes, that occurred to me too, Autumn. But I hoped it would be taken as referring to elderly people. In my culture (white American), we oldsters seem to make many situations comic/more comic. C’est la vie.
Thank you everyone for chiming in on this–much appreciated! I’m mostly interested in understanding how exactly we have to look at words with more than one potential meaning when it comes to connecting via link/shift. So, for example, if someone used the word navy in a verse, would we need to be concerned that both turquoise and army would be too close a connection to allow the necessary shift? What about the word gators? Probably goes without saying that crocodiles would be too close. But what about mukluks or wellies? After all, the word gator sounds exactly like the word gaiter, for a kind of rain boot. If I were to throw a punch in a verse, even a well deserved kick probably could not follow. But could a grog?? And what if I’d used a left hook instead? Could we still connect with knit, or would that be too close to crochet?
*
If it is dependent upon the interpretation of the word in the selected verse, then whose interpretation? The writer’s or the sabaki’s–or maybe both?
*
We’re currently working on a “summer moon” verse, but we cannot use the word “summer” because it links too closely to “autumn” in Wendy’s verse above. But does that apply to words for summer in other languages–like my Latin, for example? Is the linkage about meaning in this case (so anything that translates as “summer” would be ruled out)? Or does the use of a foreign language (or a dead one!) constitute shift?
*
It seems the game gets much trickier the harder one thinks about it…
*
~Autumn
*
P.S. YAY for Senior discounts–some places offer those in the USA, too. Yay for savvy seniors familiar with the latest lingo–I don’t think any of my friends in their 70’s would have clocked photobombed, but that could be because they’re not on social media. Finally, yay for being able to chuckle at ourselves, no matter what our age (although boo for this youth culture of ours laughing off our wisdom keepers, which doesn’t serve any of us well).
A good read, Autumn. I believe in some sessions the close linkage you have mentioned is observed, but this I would think would all depend on the skill level of the players, and also the strictness of the rules set out by the sabaki.
People who really have the grasp of this genre have their own private sessions, now that would be something to read. maybe one day I’ll have an invitation to join, But not in the near future methinks 🙂
.
There was talk about seniors, in the UK, being means tested before they could be handed out a bus and train pass. After this pandemic is over I can only imaging a lot more will be clawed back.
I agree with you bracketed words, but hasn’t it always been the way of things, no matter how much wisdom we are given or were given we still had to do it our way and (hopefully) learn by our own mistakes.
Hi, Carol–thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I hope that invitation is engraved and offered on a silver platter when it finally arrives! ; )
*
Watching the disregard for our elders throughout this epidemic has been both horrifying and shame-inducing for me. The idea than anyone is disposable, or that older citizens are “no longer productive,” is as absurd as it is abhorrent. Once again, humanity is being offered an opportunity to rise; and once again, we are collectively sinking.
*
Re. …”hasn’t it always been the way of things, no matter how much wisdom we are given or were given we still had to do it our way and (hopefully) learn by our own mistakes”
*
I think that may be sadly true in our stubbornly individualist “Western” culture (although there are still scattered examples of apprenticeships and other non-traditional arrangements for passing knowledge from the most experienced to the least). But there are many instances within various indigenous cultures of great deference to and respect for elders. Particularly among American Indian Tribes, elders are still regarded as wisdom keepers, as well as reservoirs of the People’s stories and language, too.
*
Most of my current friends are older than me by decades. Even when I was a kid, I volunteered at nursing homes and sat listening to my neighbors (who were all retired) telling stories of farm life and the war/s. My Roots and Shoots group (which I founded and ran at my girls’ elementary school) volunteered at a nursing home, too–we made crafts together out of recycled materials and brought books to read and board games to play with the residents.
*
While I certainly do question and push back (generally in order to learn where the edges of things are and to see whether they are expandable), I have always given great credence to my elders. I listen and watch very carefully to see where their footsteps fall on the path ahead of me. More than once, whether by following or avoiding them, the practice has kept me from getting lost in the woods, so to speak.
*
~Autumn
Hi Autumn
As always your reply is a pleasure to read.
I must say, here, in the valley I have only witnessed a little inconsiderable behaviour by the younger generation, gathering on their bikes on the single track road, and the older members with either their grandchildren or children having to ask them to move on.
I know what you mean when mentioning the older generation as being non productive and so easily disregarded, and yes they should be treasured for their knowledge, even in this modern world where people pushing buttons earn more than those that physically graft, they can still see the ‘bumps’ in the road ahead, everything we are doing is the same, we’re just doing it a different way, and sadly more of it in respect of buying and selling in this ‘I want it now, world’
How often have we heard ‘it wasn’t like this in my younger days’ but it was wasn’t it, we only have to look back in history, and this is why we should listen and then think before taking an action.
Autumn, this is a marvellous conversation, I have to get to work, now, (never keep a customer waiting)
Not the most polite way to end a conversation, but hopefully we will chat again 🙂
melting in moonlight
silent beads of water
on the body bags
whoopsy….must get rid of the break:
.
silent beads of water
on the body bags
melting in moonlight
“whoopsy….must get rid of the break: ” – W
.
Whether your subject comes in the first line or the second, both are sentences and not “broken” (apart from line breaks, of course) What might be more to the point is what it is you intend to be melting in the moonlight, the “beads of water” as in your first version or “the body bags” as in your revised version.
.
I wonder if changing from “beads of water ” melting to “body bags” melting is what you really want?
However, just in case there was a hint concealed in your post, Wendy, I’ll switch some of mine around as well. I’ve noticed that some English-speakers consider that the subject, in renku verses, must always come first and the small pause created otherwise is considered suspiciously close to a cut or break and therefore a mistake. (I disagree but it’s not my call)
.
In view of that and just in case, considering all, these possibilities instead:
.
“this way
to the performing seals” Pauline O’Carolan
.
1.
.
caught in a crab’s claws
the moon
in parenthesis
.
or 1a.
.
the moon
caught in a crab’s claws
in parenthesis
.
2.
.
caught
in an orb weaver’s web
tonight’s moon
.
2a.
.
tonight’s moon
caught
in an orb weaver’s web
.
3.
.
tonight’s moon
seems to want to join
the Morris dancers
.
4.
.
tonight’s moon
lighting the way
for mosquitoes
.
5.
.
a cool breeze
as our funicular railway
climbs to the moon
.
6.
.
still in our swimmers
we ride the funicular
railway to the moon
.
6a.
.
we ride the funicular
railway to the moon
still in our swimmers
.
7.
.
tonight’s moon
seems to admire itself
in clear water
.
8.
.
after midnight
the moon joins the big girls
swimming nude
.
8a.
.
the moon
joins the big girls swimming nude
after midnight
.
9.
.
even the shy girls
stark naked in the pool
with the moon
.
10.
.
tonight’s moon
balanced
on an iris bud
.
11.
.
floating along
with the duckweed
tonight’s moon
.
11a.
.
tonight’s moon
floating along
with the duckweed
.
12.
moonlight
slowly climbing
to the high dive platform
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UiRCsByOME
lorin,
thanks for your sharing these comments….i welcome your comments.
i really like the first one i wrote best!
even though both can “melt”
….
i am not always, 100% sure….if every verse i write can be read w/o breaks.
i am more sure…when it does break.
It’s impossible to be sure, Wendy, simply because whether a pause is a break (or a cut) is an issue not agreed upon by everyone acting as sabaki. It’s easy to know a hokku (in English) It has a clear cut. While no other renku verse may have a cut (no other verse can be hokku-like) reading published and even prize-winning renku shows that there can be degrees of “pause” or “turn” (but never , apart from the hokku, a “cut” or “break”). It’s up for interpretation by each sabaki.
thanks for those words…
maybe i will relax more….and let it be judged by the sabaki.
melting in moonlight
silent beads of water
on the body bags
‘
if this can be considered as a non-breaking verse….
this is my preferred verse, preferred order and preferred meaning.
however…both beads of water, and body bags can
“melt” [even as a memory]
“this way
to the performing seals” Pauline O’Carolan
.
1.
caught in a crab’s claws
the moon
in parenthesis
.
2.
caught
in an orb weaver’s web
tonight’s moon
.
3.
tonight’s moon
seems to want to join
the Morris dancers
.
4.
tonight’s moon
lighting the way
for mosquitoes
.
5.
a cool breeze
as our funicular railway
climbs to the moon
.
6.
still in our swimmers
we ride the funicular
railway to the moon
.
7.
tonight’s moon
seems to admire itself
in clear water
.
8.
after midnight
the moon joins the big girls
swimming nude
.
9.
even the shy girls
stark naked in the pool
with the moon
.
10.
tonight’s moon
balanced
on an iris bud
.
11.
floating along
with the duckweed
tonight’s moon
.
12.
moonlight
slowly climbing
to the high dive platform
.
or:
.
12.
summer moonlight
slowly climbing
to the high dive platform
.
lorin/patricia ….do you believe “way” can be used again so soon?
4.
tonight’s moon
lighting the way
for mosquitoes
Duh. No, I don’t think so. (how did I miss that?)
Lorin….re:
#3. “Morris” dancers…..proper noun?
#12. is “to” needed?
#10. are we up to flowers, yet?
#7. can also be effective used as a question:
7.
tonight’s moon
admiring itself
in clear water ?
tonight’s moon
admiring itself
in clear water?
.
Is the moon capable of admiring itself?
Without the verb, seems, it loses the full meaning of ‘giving the impression’ of the action.
hi carol
maybe it has to do with perception….
…. to me…..i see this as a questioning of it. not an actual statement of knowing.
like in a surrealist painting….dali is allowed to paint a melting clock…can’t poets stretch perception, too?
I prefer the verse with “seems to”. It’s more nuanced and subtler, imo, as well as being different in tone Yes, poets can personify things, but there is no rule that they must.
.
As for the surreal and stretched perception, Wendy, we already have your “autumn gates” in place.
The moon does not have a pair of eyes, we do, and this is the way we perceive the vision of the moon, hence the need for ‘seems’
.
We are supposed to be portraying ‘moments’ not delving into abstract images.
“Lorin….re:
#3. “Morris” dancers…..proper noun?” – W
.
yes, (oops)
.
“#12. is “to” needed?” – W
.
yes , in my version of English, it is. One might climb a ladder or steps or something to reach a platform but one doesn’t climb a platform.
.
“#10. are we up to flowers, yet?” – W
.
I forgot about a flower verse. In the first draft of this one I had “barley stalk”, then wondered if the word “barley” would contravene Patricia’s prohibition of “seeds” and the like. Thanks, I might revise this one if I can find an image that doesn’t contravene anything.
.
“#7. can also be effective used as a question:
7.
tonight’s moon
admiring itself
in clear water ? ” – W
.
If “is” is added at the beginning of L1, yes it could be a question.
.
riding back
the clear blue sea
caresses the moon
.
I’m with Carol on this one. Can the moon seen its own reflection? I say not!
.
playing rock, scissors, …..
the rock beneath the paper
becomes the moon
.
Just wondering where we are going with this.
Thanks, Rob. Will be interesting to read what others may think.
There are some verses I come across which see quite odd when it comes to personification
.
the bamboo cry
awakening me—is it morning
or evening?
– Sonoko Nakamura
.
I went on to read it is a winter kigo, as it was the bush warbler in its winter thicket.
Its reading verses such as this that helps with understanding what we can get away with when composing a verse, and an understanding of what is being written about, in this instant a knowledge of nature, and of course others understanding of the subject also.
there are many philosophies about what must or must not be written in haiku……
and they all may have a point that can be supported.
……
like haiku/senryu……renku verses are always evolving.
……
imho:
.
no single
definition of haiku
pleases all under this moon
That may be right, Wendy, but we must never sacrifice the meaning and understanding of the words we produce for this genre for some sort trend.
This is a unique form of poetic verse, start messing about with it, too much, and we are in peril of losing its generic value.
how moonlight
bounces off skinhead’s
summer haircut
edited:
.
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
shaving my legs
past bikini lines
for a moonlight dip
when will we lot
meet again
photos leap out
*
I never knew
our germs to have
so much death in them
*
last hurrah
flung to the ceiling
laughing
moons look
comfortable nesting
in peach trees
full moons,
porchlights for fallen
angels
¡Ay, caramba . . . here’s my third try to jump through the hoop!
,
under the buck moon
will five chiefs jump through the hoop
to land tax returns?
by jove, you got it! (and, i certainly hope so🤞🏼)
. . . considering not the ONE chief, but the other kind
under the buck moon
will nine chiefs jump through the hoop
to land tax returns
“this way
to the performing seals” Pauline O’Carolan
.
she exits the fair
under the summer moon
cotton candy in hand
.
at the dime toss booth
he wishes on the grain moon
and aims for milk glass
.
Merci for the seals, Pauline!
under the buck moon
will the chief jump through the hoop
to land tax returns?
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
.
my stuffed horse prize
and I take the ferris wheel up
to see the hay moon
the sights on
night flights make the
moonburn worth it
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
entrepreneur in training
with his strawberry-
lemonade moon mix
*
bowing
to the thunderous applause
of July’s moon
*
he dives for treasure
and comes up
with a thunder moon
*
fishing
for compliments
from the sturgeon moon
*
unseen behind clouds
the moon still
rides the waves
I realize my verse is too calm for any build-up in intensity, so am trying this:
***
can it fall
from that perfect balance
strawberry moon
encouraged to spend
by the big
buck moon
*
heading to the beach
with a souped up engine
and a thunder moon
*
the July moon
is the one not trailing
a carnival string
*
the crowd’s crescendo
watching the homer
cross the moon
nice summer/baseball verse, peter
moonwalking
in the moonlight on their
honeymoon
dan…in regards to these two creative pieces you posted here….
am i missing something? i can’t find a summer kigo. please help me??????
.
moonwalking
in the moonlight on their
honeymoon
.
on its dark
side there are thousands
of moonscars
on its dark
side there are thousands
of moonscars
oh to be a fly
on the wall in
the moon light
***************
her sun dress
in the moon light looks
more ravishing than ever
*********************
snails at work
leave a trail of destruction
by the light of the moon
so glad you got motivated to jump in…..michael!
these have amused me!
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
shaving my legs
passed bikini lines
for a moonlight dip
past?
thanks, lorin….for kindly pointing me in the right direction. i have corrected the word in above post.
my bad!
edited to:
.
shaving my legs
past bikini lines
for a moonlight dip
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
shimmers of moon
tumbling in the clear
water ripples
patricia….another great pick, and the highlight of my week, your delightful comments!
*
congrats, and way to go, pauline! a quick, playful bend for our renku. this will no doubt, engage “let go” responses and add so much more fun to this activity.
*
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
on advanced
planets wolves listen
to moons howl
##########
no not cheese
moons are made
of grape jelly
this way
to the performing seals
Pauline O’Carolan
.
in the time
it took to play
moonlight sonata
… just to let you know, Robert: if there’s nothing in a verse that indicates otherwise, “moon” or “moonlight” is considered to be an autumn seasonal reference (or kigo). You need something that conveys summer to go with the moon, or to state “summer moon” (but we’ve already had the “autumn gates”. . .)
.
Thank you Lorin
“this way
to the performing seals” -Pauline O’Carolan
.
at the edge
of the waterfall
a hesitant moon
.
It will be interesting to see what various people here, including Patricia (whose view we probably won’t know until the following week) consider to be a summer moon.
.
Is “June moon” a summer moon or a winter moon? (answer: it might be either, depending on where the viewer stands)
.
Possibly the June moon might be a summer moon if a majority of participants are writing from the Northern hemisphere?
.
(I think I’ve answered my own question)
Did we not have a similar conversation on seasons. It being spring in the north, whilst Autumn in the south. From a novice perspective, I wonder if this is one of the ambiguous moments John Carley spoke of in his book. Should it be the case that we all consider ourselves stood in Japan for an international renku?
Hi Robert, to my knowledge, the sabaki sets the seasons, in keeping with the scheme of the particular renku. Tradition has it that the hokku begins in the current season and sometimes a sabaki in an international renku will choose the season they’re personally experiencing, which is fine. In this renku, Patricia set the hokku in winter, which is fine, too. Moving from the hokku, we’ve had autumn and now this current verse is to be set in summer. All this is normal and well.
.
My musing wasn’t about the obvious in relation to the two hemispheres…when it’s summer in the Northern hemisphere it’s winter in the Southern. We’re all capable of writing a winter verse in summer and a summer verse in winter when it’s required. It was about naming a month as if the name of a month was a seasonal reference or ‘kigo’.
.
The obvious is that ‘June’ is a seasonal reference for early summer only for the Northern hemisphere. My musing amounts to : is ‘June’ an acceptable seasonal reference for this particular summer verse spot in this particular renku?
.
Hi Lorin
I must admit to a bit of confusion. Whether hemisphere related or otherwise.
If the renku is meant to keep moving forward how can we skip seasons? Or step back a season?
It may be that I’ve not reached a particular part of John’s book or have not taken something in.
Hi Rob, hope this helps. Here in NZ, the moon in June will not be a strawerry moon (though we still have a few thriving in the polytunnel). It would be more of a mopoke moon 😉
‘strawberry’!
I don’t know why, Robert., but the seasons never happen in progression in a renku. There is always a break between seasonal topics, though, with the no-seasonal verses.
.
You are right: we can expect this renku to end with spring verses.
My thoughts exactly, Lorin. Thanks for bringing this up 🙂
lorin….i do understand your complaints…..but aside from them:
.
june…i believe is a proper noun….even if it is spelled with lowercase, “j”…..and as such…..is not abiding by sabaki’s rules for this verse.
“june…i believe is a proper noun….even if it is spelled with lowercase, “j”…..and as such…..is not abiding by sabaki’s rules for this verse.” – W
.
True, Wendy.
.
(I don’t know what you might be referring to as my “complaints”, though. Do you mean the issue I brought up… that of using the name of a month as if it could indicate a season in world renku? That’s not a complaint: it’s pointing to a fact. June can’t be a seasonal reference because it’s ambiguous: it refer to either summer or winter)
lorin:
when i use complaints….i am referring to the noun:
.
com·plaint
/kəmˈplānt/
Learn to pronounce
noun
plural noun: complaints
1.
a statement that a situation is unsatisfactory or unacceptable.
it doesn’t mean unwarranted.
Congratulations, Pauline. A good verse for the spot. It’s interesting how your “carnival barker” serves well in setting things up for a summer moon verse. So well, actually, that in retrospect it seems to place Judt’s verse in summer as well.
.
Because it’s occurred to me and for fun (because I’m quite aware that this reverts to Judt’s verse as well) :
.
“this way
to the performing seals” – Pauline O’Carolan
.
too many clowns
yet the summer moon serene
as usual
.
moons watch
me when I floss
with sparklers
dan
good one! i got the summer kigo here….(but it is not world-wide)
what a red, white and blue experience! dan! lol!!!!
I’m so excited and thrilled to have my verse selected (and others liked, too). Thank you, Patrica! And thank you all for your kind words.
…
It seems strange to be writing about the summer moon when we here in Cobargo (Australia) have frost on the ground in the mornings and fires lit each evening. But the image of a summer moon is so enticing – calm and lovely – so I’m looking forward to seeing where everyone’s imaginations take them (especially as Patricia is urging a build-up of excitement and intensity)!
Congrats Pauline!
Try Melbourne… brrrr … and there’s snow up in the hills.
No snow here in the Far North of NZ but definitely not summer !
so fine,
i love her moon-
shine still
he loves
that moonshine
still
Pauline, you had a hit parade of offerings and I love the one Patricia chose. Congratulations!!
.
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
a plethora of beach balls
plays hide and seek
with the June moon
Lorin makes a good point so I will modify to
.
a plethora of beach balls
play hide and seek
with the summer moon
.
this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
.
beneath the paper moon
a bible salesman weaving
yarns into night
.
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
reliving
his Navy days
under a sturgeon moon
*
water up his nose
as he dives
for the sturgeon moon
*
so many eyes
see a rainbow arc
the flower moon
Congratulations Pauline, I like this for the fact it seems they are applauding the frontline services, as we humans are, well done.
Congrats, Pauline! A seamless connection, and at the same time giving forward movement, brilliant choice 🙂
Thank you for sharing your lovely whale story, Patricia. I lived in California for two years and have such fond memories of Monterey, Pacific Grove and Carmel xx
Congrats Pauline and please wave to the whales for me Patricia, what amazing creatures!
“this way
to the performing seals” Pauline O’Carolan
*
lovely link, Pauline.
*
held there
in perfect balance
strawberry moon
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
they believe
in the moon and clap
for the nurses
*
or:
they believe
in the nurses and clap
for the moon
*
forgot summer!
*
they believe
in the June moon and clap
for the nurses
*
or:
they believe
in the nurses and clap
for the June moon
*
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
they tinker with formula
to clap for nurses
by a fairy moon
*
sorry – I forgot about the moon
it’s time to talk
of sealing wax and cabbages
and kings
coming down
the sandy shore- cool moon
unreachable
*
So much
in white ball serenading-
here moon’s play
*
jealous
of this rounded beauty
untouchable
Really like this one Radhamani:
*
jealous
of this rounded beauty
untouchable
Dear Princess k,
Greetings . Thank you so much, so encouraging your words.
this way
to the performing seals”
Pauline O’Carolan
.
twilight
the moon has its own take
on London
.
in a sand storm
the camel’s treble take
of the moon
this way
to the performing seals” Pauline O’Carolan
.
Congratulations Pauline
.
Thank you Patricia for considering mine.
Would also like to say I enjoyed listening to you read your chosen haiku on Victor Ortiz video.
Thank you, Robert, for the good words. I have now been informed as to the meaning of “cover” as you used it in the Las Meninas verse. Made me like it even more.
Pleased you enjoyed it Patricia.
Robert, I interpreted your “through the crowd” image puzzle for verse 12 as an observation on social distancing. Being able to see through a crowd is unusual and the reason you could see through was because of the behavior of the people in that crowd: “eye heart eye queue“ — I love, I queue. I queue for you and I queue for thee. Am I close to solving your rebus? Your offerings have so many levels as I read them. Brilliant.
Hi Clysta
Thank you for your interest.
You are right, it is multi faceted.
Best
Rob
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
Congratulations, Pauline! A vivid, sonic, lively verse, that offers many ways to go.
Thanks to all for the fun and inspirations.
And to Patricia for incisive comments and great selections. Onward!
*
“this way
to the performing seals”
*
Pauline O’Carolan
*
playing can you top this
under
the waxing June moon
*
May’s superflower moon
a tough act
to follow
*
signing herself
sincerely
by the waxing strawberry moon
*