The Renku Sessions: Rasika Renku, Week 7
Welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Sixth Renku Session.
I (Kala Ramesh) will be your sabaki for this renku. Thanks to Jim Kacian and John Stevenson for giving me this opportunity. I’ve learned the art of renku from Norman Darlington, Moira Richards, John Carley and Eiko Yachimoto. I’ve been writing renku from 2006 and I’ve been a sabaki of many renku trips and was the guest renku editor at A Hundred Gourds 5:2.
Rasika renku – 6th verse
18 renkujin have submitted 36 candidates.
The requirements for this slot were:
“For the 6th verse, you can either write about the companionship built on years of togetherness; or separation; or death of a spouse. Show the years that have passed, and the *link and leap* will happen naturally within this framework.”
Some good verses that show *togetherness*:
on her death bed still
getting the last word
Michael Henry Lee
What a lucky woman she is always to get in the last word! There is a dry humour here but also a deep love, which allowed him to appreciate the fact that his wife always outsmarted him.
**
I liked Mary Kendall’s verse:
walking arm in arm on
thousands of daily strolls
**
Madhuri’s verse once again is all about companionship. There are certain words – the ‘slow shuffle’– that show aging and the passage of time. I see an aged couple still liking to dance and wanting to dance together – albeit not as fast as before. I couldn’t take this verse for I felt it somehow ‘backlinked’ to Marion’s *rhythm in the pebble* verse.
a slow shuffle as we dance
on our anniversary date
Madhuri Pillai
**
Lee Nash’s verse shows the couple’s comfort level – which tells a lot about a love that has gone beyond mere physical attraction.
you find the word down,
I find the word across
**
finding your harmonica
and your cool lips
Julie Emerson
I liked this a lot, also, and it does offer music – a new topic in this trip.
**
Separation, avoiding each other, and going their own way: this offer from Giri Ramanathan hurts:
thirty years
and we were still strangers
I would bring it to the present:
thirty years
and we are still strangers
How many marriages fall apart this way … just existing and not being.
**
Betty’s verse digs deep:
his lacquered nails scratch
at my old wounds
Betty Shropshire
**
I really enjoyed David Oats’ offers – I can imagine what loud laughter would have accompanied these verses had it been a live renku trip. The beauty of renku is that it is communal and about life – the way we live it. Please do keep all these as pocket verses to be used in your next renku trip!
what he’d give to smell
that awful face cream again
so many years his loudest
farts don’t wake her
David Oats
**
One verse I would have loved to select is Polona Oblak’s. It hints at unrequited love or the death of her beloved; and it opens to various interpretations even though the scene is all *set*.
sunday breakfast set
as if you were still here
Polona Oblak
One thing I did mull over was – can we talk about breakfast when the hokku was about *gathering and drinks*, and I’ve been talking about ‘link and leap’ and how Rasika, being just an 8-verse renku, should have no repeat images or backlinks. With great reluctance I let go … and
Carmen Sterba posted hers late on Sunday evening (India time …).
how it all began
with a barefoot kiss
behind the bandstand / brendon
our 50th reunion
led to marriage / carmen
How seamlessly both these love verses bond – and yet the leap – decades later. Carmen’s verse by itself is about a school or college reunion, hinting that the couple is close to 70 now … but when the verse is combined with Brendon’s, it becomes hilarious, like a GIF image – kissing behind the bandstand not once but 50 times!
Carmen, can we bring L 2 to the present?
our high school reunion
leads to marriage / carmen
Please let me know if you are ok with this minor change.
***
We’ve now reached the 3rd section of this renku – the Kyu (rapid close).
To refresh your memory:
Jo – the introduction – verses 1 & 2
Ha – the delineation /the expansion – verses 3, 4, 5 and 6,
Kyu – the rapid close – verse 7 & 8.
The 7th verse:
A 3-line blossom verse of 14 sound units or syllables.
This is an important verse. Generally, renku requires that blossoms be only from flowering trees, but the Rasika, like the Junicho (12-verse renku), allows for only a single blossom verse, which may appear in any season and be any type of flower. Please note: in this slot I want a spring blossom verse.
So this is what we have before us:
Rasika renku:
tonight’s moon –
eight champagne glasses
catch the shine / lorin
a white silk hat left
on the hat stand / sanjuktaa
an ermine
dashes out from under
a granite boulder / karen
that rhythmic swish
of water on pebbles / marion
how it all began
with a barefoot kiss
behind the bandstand / brendon
our high school reunion
leads to marriage / carmen
Rasika Schema:
1. long – hokku | autumn moon*
2. short – wakiku | non-seasonal*
3. long – daisan | winter*
4. short – non-seasonal
5. long – beginning of summer | love
6. short – non-seasonal | love
7. long – spring blossom *
8. ageku – non-seasonal *
The asterisks show the important verses in this renku.
I would like no more than 3 candidates per poet, and please post them by Monday, 20th November. The next posting will be on 23rd November, next Thursday morning (Eastern US time) along with the instructions for submitting the *ageku*, your last verse in this trip! Keep a close watch on this space.
Keenly waiting to read your candidates for verse # 7.
In renku spirit and friendship,
Kala Ramesh
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crocus blooms
beside the guard’s boot
scent of dog poo
*
a fist of flower buds
Hairy Wood Rush
and I absorb sun
*
bare branch of lilac
toddler asleep
on her shoulder
Pearl,
You were too late in submitting your offers.
I’ve chosen the spring verse and it will be up in some time now.
crocus through snow
is some bee out there
with a down jacket?
long climb
between stone steps
little blue flower
accident scene
the wind shifts
wildflowers
crocus through snow
is some bee out there
with a down jacket?
***
long climb
between stone steps
little blue flower
***
accident scene
the wind shifts
wildflowers
how quiet
the blare of a violet
in bloom!
bloodroot blossoms
in gathering twilight
amidst felled trees
at sunset
the daisies blend
with the grass
the salve
of bloodroot blossoms
as grandmother weaves
north to south
bloodroots blooming
yet again
the pleasure boat
paddles through
a bed of cherry petals
my frangipani
was fragrant
as my baby’s breath
Correction to my previous verse!
.
in Bangalore
the scent of frangipani
is everywhere
.
the jasmine
made the air fragrant
with its heady scent
another version of the frangipani verse!
Sorry for the confusion.
.
the scent of frangipani
fragrant
as a baby’s breath
Oh dear — it does get more difficult. I’ll need to revise this to remove the number (!) and the article of clothing (!) …
***
an international flight
from freezing fog
to blossom
***
the client
choking on the heady scent
of mock orange
***
under a line of blossom
ballerinas
hurry to class
***
I think that’s a little better although quite possibly I have missed something else.
Thanks, Lee :))
Yes, the pain of a renku trip – not repeating images and the beauty is that new pastures come into view!
Renku calls for *total awareness* . . . another facet of this beautiful art form.
“Renku calls for *total awareness* . . .” – Kala
.
Yikes! 🙂
.
– Lorin
Congratulations, Carmen, on your lovely verse! Kala, I’m very pleased that you liked one of my verses — thank you for all your encouragement so far. For spring blossom, this is what I’ve come up with:
***
a twenty-four-hour flight
from freezing fog
to blossom
***
redecorating
in the heady scent
of mock orange
***
under a line of blossom
tutus
hurry to class
Thanks, Lee. We all need help from other poets.
at sunset
the daisies slowly blend
with the grass
Margherita,
*slowly* blend … ?
.
We are in our last segment and *Kyu* means ‘rapid close’
^_^
thank you Kala !
can I fix it?
at sunset
the daisies blend
with the grass
well, I’m going to simplify my verse 7 entry:
.
bees map the lot
from apple blossoms
to chives
ok :))
our high school reunion
leads to marriage / carmen
.
on the table a photo
of an anemone button
Lakshmi’s idol
a bee settles
on the lotus
pond side
the marigold swings
on sickle moon
Sorry kala,
My both entries got posted without gap. Hence posting again. 🙂
Lakshmi’s idol
a bee settles
on the lotus
*******
pond side
the marigold swings
on sickle moon
Aparna,
Both your candidates are reading more like a haiku.
Only the first verse (hokku) is a haiku, as we know it today.
.
All other verses are just a sentence ku without a *cut*
.
See the cut here:
Lakshmi’s idol /
a bee settles
on the lotus
*******
pond side/
the marigold swings
on sickle moon
.
Plus, the moon verse is over – the hokku (the 1st verse in this trip) is about the moon. Please do check.
Thank you for your comment, Kala ! I will give another try after studying it thoroughly again. 🙂
Thanks.
.
Do read my 2nd week posting – where I’ve explained about the hokku:
12 Oct – link:
https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/2017/10/12/the-renku-sessions-rasika-renku-week-2/
.
For those who are new to renku: the hokku is the ONLY verse in a renku that requires a cut – something we do when writing a haiku, which juxtaposes two images to create a whole. With rare exceptions, all of the subsequent verses should read straight through, sentence-like (If in doubt, please do read the finished renku in THF’s archives – it might help you to understand a sentence-like verse.)
.
Hope this helps
Just giving you 3 examples from this trip:
.
that rhythmic swish of water on pebbles / marion
.
how it all began with a barefoot kiss behind the bandstand / brendon
.
our high school reunion leads to marriage / carmen
.
Do you see how all the 3-line and the two-line verses actually are just a sentence?
.
Please read it as:
Do you see how all the 3-line and the 2-line verses actually are just sentences?
It’s easy when you get the hang of it, Aparna. 🙂
.
from:
.
Lakshmi’s idol /
a bee settles
on the lotus
.
to, for instance:
.
Lakshmi smiles
as a bee settles
on the lotus
.
(well, she always looks as if she’s smiling 🙂 )
.
btw: bringing in Lakshmi is a very nice link to ‘marriage’ in Carmen’s verse.
Lotuses have also bloomed from time immemorial at the top end of Australia, too.
.
https://www.wildlands.com.au/the-sacred-lotus/
.
The traditional European ‘4 seasons’ simply don’t apply to tropical regions. Even where I am in southern Australia the indigenous peoples have 6 seasons. But both water lilies and lotuses begin to bloom in ‘ late-spring’ (November) in Victoria and Sth. Australia. . . earlier the further North one goes. I would’ve have any problem with the lotus as a ‘spring’ verse.
.
– Lorin
. . . “as a spring blossom/ flower” , I mean.
.
– Lorin
Yikes! Damned spellcheck, too! Correction:
.
” I wouldn’t have any problem with the lotus as a ‘spring’ blossom/ flower.”
.
– Lorin
Wow ! So much of information ! Thank you so much dear Kala and Lorin !! So very kind of you both. I will study it thoroughly now !! Happy!! happy !!
spring awakening-
beneath the withered leaves
the snowdrop still sleeps
***
we get together
the most beautiful plants
for ikebana
***
towards twilight
in the florist’ basket
a lot of unsold flowers
Altering to drop the color reference:
.
dogwood blossoms
and the brightness
of its new leaves
.
spring beauties
with their blooms
still closed in the early light
.
marigold basket
carries home
tons of blessings
another seventh verse:
.
bees mapping
apple blossoms to chives
in the lot for sale
Kala,
Thanks for your alert. I slightly modified my “orange tulips” entry as below
*******************
garden tulips
in the evening breeze
show their long necks
*******************
certificates be damned…
happy days forever
between Brunsfelsia
*
enlightened complaints
about overhanging
honeysuckle!
*
along the pathway
the blissful scents
from Asiatic Lilium
As we go deeper down the schema – things will get tougher.
So many lovely verses – but it mentions either numbers, or colours, or dining or one of the many images we’ve already done.
It’s a beautiful season and a beautiful position – this 7th verse.
Waiting to hear from all of you and if anyone here has already given three candidates – doesn’t matter (I’ll turn a blind eye to *numbers* 🙂 ) and accept more offers from you.
“So many lovely verses – but it mentions either numbers, or colours, or dining or one of the many images we’ve already done. ”
.
(“. . .they mention. . .” ?)
.
An interesting quandary re colour: when is a colour not a colour? And if a colour has been named after a thing do we take the word (when used clearly in context not as a colour but as a thing) as intended or do we avoid it because the word does double duty as a colour word?
.
Some of the verse offers name a colour (after Sanjuktaa’s “white”) & I agree such verses would be best avoided. It’s the other instance, where a certain word may mean a colour in another context but clearly not in the context it’s used in, that interests me.
.
Where is the line drawn between care not to repeat or draw attention back to earlier verses and what JEC tagged as “forensic”?
.
I don’t know the answer . . . am musing. . . it’s an interesting quandary in the light of the verse where a colour is not a colour but a collective thing of blossoming trees. These particular spring blossoms have a traditional connection with brides (at least in English-speaking countries) so I’m attracted by the subtle link to Carmen’s verse.
.
– Lorin
ps. In case I’m seeming too mysterious 🙂 . . . here’s the verse I have in mind & have been musing about:
.
the orange grove
filling with twilight
and blossom scent
.
– Paul McNeil
.
– Lorin
the orange grove
filling with twilight
and blossom scent
.
Paul is talking about an orange grove and not talking about the colour*orange*
So it doesn’t /shouldn’t clash with Sanjuktaa’s white hat… I suppose.
.
Yes, to that typo :((
Kala/Lorin,
I’m a bit confused…Sanjuktaa to talked about white hat and not the color white. Does it mean we can use color if meant for a different context other than a hat?
I don’t say you shouldn’t consider Paul’s verse but my learning mind wants to understand these nuances from you
Hi Shrinivasa,
Even though black & white aren’t colours in the strict sense, we include them along with blue, yellow, red, purple & all the rest. So after a white hat in a short renku we avoid mentioning a ‘blue sky’/’green leaf’/’black cat’ etc. White shows us the colour of the hat.
.
What I was musing on, after Kala seemed to indicate that all of the verses seemed to mention “either numbers, or colours, or dining or one of the many images we’ve already done ” was ‘orange grove’ in Paul’s verse. It clearly does not show a grove of orange-coloured trees! 🙂
.
It shows a grove of trees, ‘orange trees’ . . . fruit trees . . .they are not the colour orange! They are evergreens. It is spring and the trees are blossoming, the fragrance is superb and come next late-autumn to winter the oranges (fruit!) will be ripe for picking.
.
I hope this helps clear things up for you. Sorry that it got confusing.
.
– Lorin
with midday’s sun
the hyacinth bed blooms
pink and purple
Please change my offering to:
with midday’s sun
the hyacinth bed blooms
bold and fragrant
orange tulips
in the evening breeze
show their long necks
***
as the dark creeps in
with two leaves either side
a jasmine blooms
a display
of apple blossoms
in Tuscany
in the twilight
more and more blue
a field of daisies
**************************
unkempt
a honeysuckle at the window
of the old ruin
loosened plum petals
quiver then
soar free
cherry petals
swirl in the breeze
by the park bench
*
dogwood blossoms
and the bright green
of its new leaves
*
sorry I didn’t space out my verses, so if it matters:
********************************
jasmine fills
the evening with
its bittersweet perfume
*************
first honey bees
faintly buzzing round
the old dogwood tree
************
a modest home
transformed by profuse
azalea blooms
my seventh verse:
.
from her laptop
the magician takes
a real tulip
Thanks for the appreciation: Polona, Brendon, Madhuri, and Michael.
I just found this a day late! What a surprise!
The change is just fine:
our high school reunion
leads to marriage / carmen
ever so slowly
the camilla unfurls
its silky petals
oops…I spelled it wrong
ever so slowly
the camellia unfurls
her silky petals
and I just noticed…’silk’ in Sanjuktaa’s verse
****
final version:
ever so slowly
the camellia unfurls
her petals
Kyu – the rapid close – verse 7 & 8.
Sally, rapid close – some quick brisk movement might sit better in this slot.
Kala,
Thank you for the suggestion. I’ll work on a new verse. 🙂
Sally
childhood memories
as the scent of orange blossoms
crosses the road
***
***
the orange grove
filling with twilight
and blossom scent
correction to my first offering
.
in our twilight years
the scent of jasmine
awakens memories
Giri,
That *our* and your whole L 1 is taking me back to the love verses and it sounds like a continuation of love.
Maybe a full nature would sit better here?
Thanks! I will think of something else…
my first offering:
in our twilight years
even a faint scent of jasmine
takes us back
outside baggage claims
narcissus leis
strung out
second offering
.
a lotus blooms
in the murky waters
near the temple grounds
i take it back!
image of water has been used before…
such prickly thorns
as if wild roses
aren’t enough
congratulations Carmen
*********************
jasmine fills
the evening with its
bittersweet perfume
first honey bee
faintly buzzing round
an old dogwood tree
a modest home
transformed by profuse
azalea blooms
Thanks Kala for the mention, enjoying this. Congratulations Carmen for your lovely verse.
rings
of purple crocus appear
among patches of snow
kjmunro
Offerings 2 & 3:
.
our high school reunion
leads to marriage / Carmen
.
.
in the garden bed
looking so demure
sweet-scented Daphne
.
bright crocuses
push their heads up
into a new season
Dear Kala, thank you for the mention of my verse. It’s much appreciated. 🙂 Carmen made a great link and leap for our reiki. Congratulations, Carmen!
.
.
our high school reunion
leads to marriage / Carmen
.
swallowtails sip
fragrant lilac nectar
this fine day
.
***Foreseeing that “sipping nectar” is too similar to drinking champagne, I have an alternative version which I might as well present now:
.
swallowtails sup
on fragrant lilac nectar
this fine day
Thanks, Mary! For those who do not know, this verse is true to life. I met my former classmate two days after returning from a trip to Japan (to decide if I should return to live in Japan or continue in my hometown in the U.S.). At the banquet, we found out that we lived four blocks away. I stopped worrying about which country I should live in because it became apparent that I was in the right place at the right time. Six months later we got married (in 2016).
Kismet!
What a lovely connect to your verse, Carmen.
Thanks for so graciously accepting the changes in your verse.
_()_
What a great story! ❤️
Such a beautiful life story, Carmen!
marion
Thanks to all of you who have commented and to Lorin for this suggestion. Carmen, please do get back if you are ok with this change. _()_
.
.
John, can you please make this change to Carmen’s verse (# 6)
.
So this is what we have before us:
.
Rasika renku:
.
tonight’s moon –
eight champagne glasses
catch the shine / lorin
.
a white silk hat left
on the hat stand / sanjuktaa
.
an ermine
dashes out from under
a granite boulder / karen
.
that rhythmic swish
of water on pebbles / marion
.
how it all began
with a barefoot kiss
behind the bandstand / brendon
.
our high school reunion
leads to marriage / carmen
.
The update has been made. I also added this edit to the original edit of the verse.
Thanks a million, John
_k :))
Sorry to be so late. Thanks for making the change in my absence, Kala and John!
Congratulations Carmen, I love your verse!
Wow Kala, I agree how hard it must be to choose a verse…phew there were some good ones for this slot!
Whichever way this verse plays out I’m sure it will be the best for this rasika renku…
Really enjoying this trip Kala, especially the comments between the verses, so informative… thank you all!
B
Thanks Brendon!
Congratulations, Carmen. 🙂
.
Having read through all of the verse offers for this spot and tried to pick my own favourite, I understand how difficult a choice it must’ve been for Kala. (I ended up with two, then one, of the ku Kala mentions, above) Different sabaki will select different ku, as we know. 🙂
.
Since I believe that not all verses in a renku should be ‘loud’ verses and we’ve had some flashy ones, I find Carmen’s verse nicely fitting in its quiet, straightforward tone, but I have the same query about the number 50 (& the ‘ thirty’ in Giri’s verse, had it been chosen) as Polona has.
I know the rule that in a longer renku (20 or more verses) a number can occur more than once as long as it’s a higher number than the previous, but would balk at the repetition in a short renku even if there wasn’t a number in the hokku, as is the case here.
.
Since I believe Carmen is referring to a ‘school class/ university class’ reunion’, the verse could be tweaked easily enough to avoid the number taking us back to the hokku, how about this, Kala?
.
our class reunion
leads to marriage / carmen
.
(‘class reunion’ , I think, would also remove any ambiguity regarding what sort of reunion it is)
.
– Lorin
or maybe:
.
our high school reunion
leads to marriage / carmen
.
?
– Lorin
Lorin, thanks for your help! You often have good suggestions.
Thanks, Carmen, I’m happy you approve. 🙂
.
– Lorin
thanks, kala, for another mention. 🙂
yes, i actually wondered if breakfast might be too close to the setting of the hokku. however, to me the morning meal (though all too often skipped) is a much more intimate affair and there’s definitely no alcohol involved. still, i agree with the decision.
.
i like carmen,s verse and what it does in relation to the previous verses.
however, i’m confused. there is a number (eight) in the hokku. isn’t using another number a very obvious case of repetition?
Ha! Polona,
Of course … you are right!
I’ve been so blind to Carmen’s verse and how it folded in the love verses that I missed the number … totally.
It’s tough to be a sabaki and yes, I’ve contradicted myself here :((
.
Having admitted that, I would add this loose *give and take* as another feature of Rasika and still, to be consciously aware about variety and to avoid repetition.
.
Everything is a learning process and this trip at THF has taught me a lot.
.
But we’ll continue with this verse and yes, let it be a reminder (surely to me) of how easily we can all slip – all this gives renku *life* and *being*, which teaches us a lot about life.
.
.
Sorry, I was thinking & posting before I saw your comment here, Kala.
I think the issue can be easily addressed & fixed.
.
Lorin
Yes, Lorin.
Your suggestion is good.
Thanks :))
I was reading through my reply to Polona and I’m surprised I’ve given a decent reply since it was in the middle of my sleep and night :))
Around 3 am I think!!
^_^
Thanks, Kala. 🙂
.
. . . and btw, ‘marriage’ is a very nice, smooth lead-in to a spring flower verse, I think. Looking forward to all of the verse offers for the ‘spring flower’ spot!
.
– Lorin