Renku Sessions

The Renku Sessions: Rasika Renku, Week 5

renkuchainWelcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Sixth Renku Session.

I (Kala Ramesh) will be your sabaki for this renku. Thanks to Jim Kacian and John Stevenson for giving me this opportunity. I’ve learned the art of renku from Norman Darlington, Moira Richards, John Carley and Eiko Yachimoto. I’ve been writing renku from 2006 and I’ve been a sabaki of many renku trips and was the guest renku editor at A Hundred Gourds 5:2.

Rasika renku – 4th stanza.

22 renkujin have submitted 46 candidates for this slot.

Please note what John Carley has said about the renku: It is essential to remember, when learning these conventions, that renku is art. It is not a forensic investigation, or a high school debating society. Renku is about periodicity and modulation. It deals not so much with absolute novelty as with recontextualisation. Renku cannot be written by adherence to ‘rules’. We are artists. We must understand our materials. And create.

***

Now for some more details on what makes renku click:

Jo-ha-kyu forms the backbone of all renku. In a nutshell, what do these terms mean?

Jo – introduction – to create a friendly and relaxed atmosphere
Ha – delineation/expansion
Kyu – rapid close

See how the tone and perspective changes in each of these movements. In rasika, wanting to give an undiluted taste of a longer renku, I’ve tried to keep the jo-ha-kyu, but in a more relaxed manner. So, we can say the hokku and the wakiku form the *Jo* – the introduction. The daisan along with the next 3 verses form the *Ha*, the expansion (where foreign words and your country’s flavours can be explored). *Kyu* is the rapid close – we don’t linger over words and images or elongate our vowels.

Coming from a musical background, I look for rhythmic coherence. I constantly read the verses aloud and see if the rhythm is strong. Just going by syllable counts or using the number of lines alone to differentiate between ‘short’ and ‘long’ verses is insufficient.

Many, many offers for this slot were excellent and I would suggest you keep them as ‘pocket’ verses for your next renku trip. Surprisingly, many candidates were concerned with water, and the next slot in the schema is about rain!

It would be unfair to pick just a few to comment upon but my favourites are:

long lines of seaweed
in the Sargasso Sea

Polona Oblak
.
curls of smoke drift
from burnt juniper and sage

Mary Kendall

I learned so much about the reasons why juniper and sage are burnt, and would have loved to use this, but it involves people gathering for ancestral ceremonies in both Native America and India and that takes us back to the hokku.

.

at slack tide
the estuary falls silent

Sally Bigger

.

the hollow echo
of a swinging gate

Brendon Kent
.

intensifying threats
of hydrogen bombs

Barbara A. Taylor

.

dust devils twirling down
the gravel road

Michael Henry Lee

All these verses and many others are lovely, but they mention either a body of water, a hint of some season, human presence, or images that link to the hokku. Please remember that in *rasika*, since it’s so short, we need to avoid repeating images already used. A few of the verses had animals in them – forgetting we’ve just had an ermine in Karen’s verse. A few had lovely fresh images but the *leap* wasn’t sufficient, for the verse was hovering around the ermine.

Zen meditation is about absolute *awareness*. I personally think a renkujin needs so much of this rare quality when on a renku trip :))

It was extremely difficult to choose a candidate for this slot, but after much deliberation I’ve chosen:

the rhythmic swish
of water on pebbles

Marion Clarke

Yes, it’s about water but I loved the link and the total shift – quite a leap. I was able to include it in this slot by changing the schema. Your next love verse is in summer and not a monsoon verse. Please check the revised schema below.

Marion has linked seamlessly to the daisan and has shifted (quite a leap) into the sound of water on pebbles. Master Basho has written about various ways of linking and one of them is the seamless link from the verse above into your image. Not easy at all. We all know being simple is the most difficult thing to achieve.

Congratulations, Marion.

The next verse is slot # 5:

Summer season
Love verse – coming of love / first attraction
Strong human presence
3 lines – around 14 syllables
Please avoid rain or bodies of water, houses, household articles, doors and windows, animals.

How are love verses tackled in renku?

It’s all about human adult love, which means love between the same sexes or opposite sexes. It does not include your love for pets and other objects. Please don’t use words like *love, passion etc*. Be subtle.

Incidentally, when I was asked to teach 11-year-olds haiku and renku at the British School Delhi in 2013, I was stumped for a while, not knowing how I was going to tackle the love verses. After much thought and reflection, I deviated from tradition, and told the children to write about their love towards their parents… and this is what they wrote. I was not disappointed at all.

smiling
my mom hugs me
seeing my finished artwork / Rishabh Jain (11 yrs)

a love heart for daddy
on Valentine’s day / Julian Ferrand (10 yrs)

The completed junicho was published in cattails Youth Corner in 2015.

Back to our trip, the verses we have:

Rasika renku:

tonight’s moon –
eight champagne glasses
catch the shine / lorin

a white silk hat left
on the hat stand / sanjuktaa

Look! an ermine
bolting out from under
that boulder / karen

the rhythmic swish
of water on pebbles / marion

Rasika Schema: Revised

1. long – hokku | autumn moon*
2. short – wakiku | non-seasonal*
3. long – daisan | winter*
4. short – non-seasonal
5. long – beginning of summer | love
6. short – non-seasonal | love
7. long – spring blossom *
8. ageku – non-seasonal *

The asterisks show the important verses in this renku.

I would like no more than 3 candidates per poet, and please post them by Monday, 6th November. The next posting will be on 9th November, next Thursday morning (Eastern US time) along with the instructions for submitting the 6th verse. Keep a close watch on this space!

Thanks once again for all your lovely offers. Half our trip is over and it’s looking impressive! Keenly waiting to read your candidates for verse #5.

In renku spirit and friendship,
Kala Ramesh

 

This Post Has 87 Comments

  2. i know this is past the deadline, so just for fun…
    –
    returning
    from my holiday
    no longer a virgin

    1. Thanks, Polona,
      I’m still mulling over the offers for this slot and yes, this verse brought a smile :))

      1. Polona,

        Thinking aloud:
        Wondering if this verse would sound better with the ‘I’ coming into the picture …
        .
        .
        returning
        from my holiday
        I’m no longer a virgin
        .
        .
        What do you feel about this minor edit, Polona?
        It reads more like a sentence ku and flow well.
        Please do get back :))

        1. I’m fine with the edit but since we have a progressive verb in the ermine verse (leap-over), here’s another idea:
          .
          I return
          from the holiday
          no longer a virgin
          .
          … or, perhaps:
          .
          no longer a virgin
          when I return
          from the holiday
          .
          or, even
          .
          when I return
          from the holiday
          I’m no longer a virgin
          .
          but I’m always open to other suggestions…
          🙂

  3. Marion, I LOVE this verse. Kala, a perfect choice. 🙂
    .
    the rhythmic swish
    of water on pebbles / Marion
    .
    .
    plucking petals
    from the flower
    is this love or not
    .
    petal by petal
    she chants
    he loves me, he loves me not
    .
    .
    like attracts like
    but love breaks all rules
    blue eyes and brown

    2. Mary,

      Verse # 7 is blossom.
      *petals* are out for this love verse.
      Do read the schema that is given above.

  4. Giri:
    .

    he slowly unravels
    her sari
    unhooks her blouse
    .
    Giri Ramanathan
    .

    I really liked this verse, but neither the sari nor the type of sari (pochampalli) signifies summer. Of course we could add *cotton* and add an *and* to L 3 to make it sound like a proper in between renku verse.
    .

    he slowly unravels
    her cotton sari
    and unhooks her blouse
    .

    Do tell me if you are ok with this minor edit.
    .

    The focus here is more on *love making* rather than *the coming of love*. . . but your candidate is most sensual and sensuous. . . and I like it a lot.

    .

    1. I guess, I’m confused…given the white silk hat, wouldn’t any clothing be a repeat subject for this short rasika?

  8. Oh the perfect choice Kala!
    Congratulations Marion, love it☺

    the rhythmic swish
    of water on pebbles / marion
    *
    how it all begins
    with that kiss behind
    the bandstand

    Brendon
    ☺

    1. Thank you, Brendon. This verse was inspired by the pebble/shingle beach here in Warrenpoint (where, incidentally, we have a lovely bandstand that dates from 1908 – so your offering made me smile!)

  11. for so long Madame
    today he calls me
    by my first name
    ***
    last night’s wine
    and this morning’s coffee
    settle under the plum
    ***
    starting a baguette
    at each end: what happens
    in the middle

  14. i like the selected verse. nicely done, Marion ank Kala!
    .
    not that i see anything wrong, just wondering: don’t you find the connection between pebbles and the boulder similar to that between a body of water and precipitation (which you dumped for the sake of the selection)?

    1. . . . just another opinion, Polona, but the connection of the two parts/types of “stone” is a link from stanza to stanza. Large to small is another. Just my 2 cents worth, the two would be improper if NOT next to each other as a linking technique.

      Another link is Marion’s use of “rhythmic” alongside the motion of a moving ermine. Most of the Mustelids / weasels sort of undulate.

      1. thank you for your 2 cents, Paul, your opinion is always appreciated. i actually thought the ermine’s movement linking to the water’s movement was a nice and subtle link.
        if i understand correctly Kala specifically asked not to link too closely since the rasika is such a short form so was a bit surprised that pebbles and the rock were not deemed too close a link (while a body of water and rain/monsoon were)
        having said all this, i still like Marion’s verse. 🙂

          1. I’ve just read your comments with interest, Polona, Paul and Kala. Yes, the boulder and pebble are close. I wonder if it were “the rhythmic swish of water on shingle” or “on sand” would it be better?
            marion

          3. Polona, Paul and Marion,
            .

            I gave all your suggestions and opinions a good thought and feel that the *boulder* in Karen’s verse is in a different setting and the *pebbles* in Marion’s is taking us more to the sound of the water … yes, these repercussions and resonances make a renku trip come alive and I strongly feel that Marion’s verse fits in well here.
            .

            But I’m learning each day from all your comments and I think *rasika* is going to benefit from all these interactions. The *link and shift* is difficult to understand – the *link and leap* will of course be a challenge to both the renkujin and the sabaki – and yes, this trip has taught me a lot.
            .

          4. thank you for your thoughtful reply, Kala. yes, i, too, like the sound effect of Marion’s verse, and yes, we are all learning as we go
            🙂

  16. Please make a note:
    Here are my three offerings slightly altered!

    he slowly unravels
    her sari
    unhooks her blouse
    .
    he slowly unravels
    her sari
    unhooks her zari blouse
    .
    he slowly unravels
    her pochampalli sari
    unhooks her zari blouse

      1. I don’t seem to be able to post another reply under the discussion about “boulder/pebble”, Kala, but I’m pleased you think the original verse is good to go. 🙂

        Thanks again.

        marion

  22. Yay Marion! Your verse is a delight to my senses!

    –

    blaming the sun
    for her face warming
    at his touch.

    1. 🙂 Great, Carmen . . . no prizes for guessing which novel. 🙂
      (It recontextualizes Marion’s ku, too.)
      —
      – Lorin

  28. sleepless
    with the thought
    of his touch
    .
    entwined
    in the park grass
    passing boaters tease us

  29. he slowly unravels
    her sari
    unhooks her blouse

    he slowly
    unravels
    her pochampalli sari

    he slowly
    unbuttons
    her zari blouse

    1. I should have left a blank line between the verses!

      My 3 offerings:

      he slowly unravels
      her sari
      unhooks her blouse

      he slowly
      unravels
      her pochampalli sari

      he slowly
      unbuttons
      her zari blouse

      1. Thanks, Giri.
        .

        You need to add a dot or some thing, so that all your 3 offers don’t lump up together.
        I’ve taken it in my doc as 3 candidates :))
        .

        _kala

  30. Congratulations, Marion!
    ________________________________

    she hands him
    a basket of wildflowers
    and a tanka
    *

    learning how to fly
    she perches gently
    on his shoulder
    *

    stealing glances
    on the tennis court
    hoping to get caught
    *

    1. Mary, I think you need to avoid mentioning any bodies of water in your offers for this verse, as we have the sea in Marion’s verse.

      Scratch it & try again?
      —
      – Lorin

  33. Congratulations, Marion. 🙂 An inspired and subtle link from the sudden bolting of the ermine to the motion of the sea and the timely shift away from the previous focus on things seen to to our sense of hearing.
    I hear an incoming tide, the sound of the sea moving further and further up a pebble beach, as I imagine yours in Ireland is. A sound that, to me, is so relaxing and comforting.
    —
    Very nice choice, Kala!
    —
    – Lorin

  34. nice verse Marion / Kala thank you for a most insightful commentary
    ************************************************
    a short night
    filled with furtive glances
    of sheer longing

  35. Congratulations, Marion 🙂

    Another gentle addition, can almost hear the water tumbling amongst the pebbles.

    An absolute delight to read such wonderful verses written by ones so young, thanks for sharing, Kala.

    2. Hahahahahahaha – I thought you meant that I was so younhh, Carol!

      That’s for commenting.

      Regards

      marion

      2. I should have placed a space between comments, marion…not saying your not young mind :):)

        I have to look wice, on times when using a keyboard 🙂

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