The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 6
Welcome to The Renku Sessions. Renku is a participatory literary game, following a set of rules that are implemented by the leader of the session. If you would like to learn more about renku go here. And if you would like to see a sample of a complete renku, go here.
I’m John Stevenson, and I will serve as your guide for this session, a thirty-six verse (kasen) renku. I have supplied the opening verse (hokku) and each week I will select an additional verse from among those submitted prior to the Tuesday deadline.
Twenty-eight poets offered us sixty-six verses for our sixth position. In addition to the verse I have selected, I strongly considered offers from Terri French (scarecrow arms), Christopher Patchel (two potatoes), Marilyn Appl Walker (the river boat arrives), and Patrick Sweeney (West to the birth of cool).
Our sixth verse comes from Karen Cesar. I am pleased with the way it brings our prologue to a conclusion with a sense of lightness, suspension, and anticipation. The season word is an “all autumn” selection, as requested, and it seems that we were due for a verse without human images. The verse subtly parallels the construction of its predecessor, offering the silent echo of a nature song in response to the sonata. And the light humor of a “reed section” seems just right here.
Here is the verse you must link to:
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds–Karen Cesar
The next verse, the seventh, begins a new “page” of the renku. Our tone, up to this point, has been serene and somewhat formal. In the next section (the “ha” or “development”), we will cut loose. Topics and emotional qualities that were not appropriate for the prologue are now welcome. Word play can be more prominent. Variety is still the norm and we may now be less constrained in seeking it. Here are the formal requirements for verse seven:
- Contains an autumn season word or phrase (last in this sequence of season verses, to be followed by two non-seasonal love verses)
- Written in three lines, without a cut
- Linking with the sixth verse, and only the sixth verse
- Shifting widely to a new topic and setting
Add your suggested three-line link below, in the Comments box. You have until midnight EST, Tuesday, April 15, 2014. You may submit as many verses as you like, but please use a new comment box for each one. I will announce my selection for the next link on Thursday, April 17 here on the blog, and provide information and instructions for submitting the next link.
What We’ll Be Looking For — Throughout the Session
There are many schematic outlines for a kasen renku. We will be using one set out by Professor Fukuda in his book Introduction to World-linking Renku. It will not be necessary for you to have a copy of this book since instructions will be offered before each verse is solicited.
It is a good idea for those participating in the composition of a renku to make use of the same list of season words. There are a number of these lists available and I intend no judgment of their relative value. For purposes of this session I am suggesting the use of The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words.
Pilgrims’ Stride to Date
comparing maps
to the mountain shrines–
pilgrims’ stride–John Stevenson
a sun-warmed stone bridge
over snowmelt–Billie Wilson
dampened soil
of seed trays
in the glasshouse–Margaret Beverland
grandmother’s silverware
polished every monday–Polona Oblak
a sonata
on the concert Steinway
played to the moon
r–Lorin Ford
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds–Karen Cesar
This Post Has 64 Comments
Comments are closed.
Thanks, once again, to all of our creative partners. I hope everyone will rejoin the game on Thursday morning (eastern US time)!
cat in the tree
yowls
at the wind
cat in a tree
yowls
at the wind
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
– Karen Cesar
stripping the willows
the windstorm strips
all longings to the bone
Sonam Chhoki
circling
the wind farm
a bright moon
the master thatcher
wires his fox cubs
along the roof ridge
(oops a person, but this ‘link/ don’t link’ thing is a challenge 😉
an angel
at the cathedral
takes a bullet
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
— Karen Cesar
from kudzu flowers
faint fragrances
so like red wine
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
faint fragrances
from kudzu flowers
so like red wine
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
.
on a chilly night
Leonardo’s drawings
of flying machines
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
in the scrapbook
pressed leaves
turn to dust
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
– Karen Cesar
late at night
the call
of migrating geese
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
.
cutting an X
into each chestnut
in her apron
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
.
one more
chestnut on the stove
bursts open
dog hides
under the table
when lightening streaks
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
in the market
open mouths
of frozen fish
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
gossamer
snagged by the patio heater
catches fire
her children’s voices
ring out beneath
the amber trees
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
a windstorm
spins cool
into cold
– Leah Meyers
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
more and more clatter
between the windstorm
and the garden gate
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
-Karen Cesar
plume of mountain tobacco
mingles with the breath
that was in her
-Patrick Sweeney
above the sails
the milky way
twinkles
cat in a tree
yowls
at the autumn wind
cat in a tree
yowling
at the autumn wind
or, since there is an ‘ing’ in six,
a scarecrow’s eye
rolls
in the hay
a scarecrow’s eye
rolling
in the hay
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
— Karen Cesar
the straw cowlick
on a scarecrow
in his best threads
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
— Karen Cesar
more and more the clatter
between the windstorm
and the garden gate
wind rolls
leaves over and over
like a hat
maple leaves
burst staccato over
the fold-up chairs
autumn leaves
burst staccato over
the fold-up chairs
the rescue helicopter
flies low
over red leaves
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
— Karen Cesar
near an old pond
a stone-cut lotus
half submerged
Lakshmi Iyer
strange moon
so many dark images
inside it
Lakshmi Iyer
Thank you, John, most useful feedback. Having fun while learning, how cool is that! 😉
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
barely able to hop
from one persimmon to another
little green birds
– Sandra Simpson
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
gorging themselves
on persimmons,
these little green birds
– Sandra Simpson
rice sparrows rise
as a raptor swoops
on his prey
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds –Karen Cesar
migrating geese
at last out of range
of CCTV
—
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds –Karen Cesar
migrating birds
just a pixelated cloud
on Google Earth
– Lorin
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
evening dew
clinging
to the horse’s mane
the horse’s mane
dampened
by evening dew
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds –Karen Cesar
in dense fog
shadows
stalking a shadow
– Lorin
ripe apples
in a truck
bouncing along a country road
truck full of freshly picked apples
bouncing
along a rocky country road
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds –Karen Cesar
through the foggy night
shadows
stalking a shadow
– Lorin
. . . a couple for the fun, and for the practice! 😉
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds –Karen Cesar
drawing closer
in this fog
all my shadows
—
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds –Karen Cesar
in this foggy night
shadows
stalking a shadow
– Lorin
Thank you John, I had completely missed the arts link and so have messed up on a submitted ku. Apologies.
The others I have submitted have people in them, so I’m really striking out (to keep the baseball analogy going)! Must.Pay.More.Attention …
Keen observations, Polona. The avoidance of specific human figures is not a firm requirement at this point but it would be a polite gesture to the poets writing the next two verses. Since we are all writing at once, this may not be obvious but thank you for giving me a chance to say it.
The matter of repetitious articles is also something to keep in mind, though it is something that can usually be adjusted later (and would be if we were preparing the renku for publication or a contest). I am looking upon our renku as more of an educational experience than a competitive effort.
Another “flaw” that I have left in, at this point, is the repetition of “over” in verses two and six. This might be adjusted later or it might be left as it is. My feeling is that, in renku, forward progress is more important than perfection. In this, renku resembles life itself.
And since I am giving some feedback, I would like to repeat something I mentioned earlier. In composing each new verse it is especially important to avoid any sense of repetition relating to the hokku (first verse) and the “leap-over verse” (the verse preceding the one to which you are currently linking). The leap-over verse, at the moment, is verse 5. As I noted when posting it, verse 5 introduces the topic of the arts. So, this topic should definitely not be reflected in verse 7 and, probably, not for another several verses after.
One final, very broad, and perhaps personal observation. And by that I mean that this is not something I have been taught or heard others say. In my opinion, renku’s chief value is in the experience of writing it. The finished product relates to the writing like a box score relates to a baseball game. Those experienced in reading a box score can, of course, imagine the game quite vividly. But many more would rather just be at the game while it is happening.
A few thoughts from a renku newbie if you would mind commenting, John.
As the next verse will be followed by a pair of love verses (according to your instructions), would it be wise to avoid human presence at this point? Also, as the last two verses (plus an earlier one) began with the indefinite article, it would probably be a good thing to use some variation here?
Enjoying the development so far, though 🙂
this for fun…
a sonata
on the concert Steinway
played to the moon
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
empty husks
of roasted chestnuts
litter the square
the helicopter lifts
full of tourists
going apple-picking
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
the helicopter pilot
spots the accident
near a large maple
the helicopter lifts
full of tourists
for the city
a dragonfly hovering
over the swaying reeds
the first tide
carrying
a slight chill
I love that hovering dragonfly – it’s waiting on us to follow it!
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying weeds
passing
the castle gates
a new coolness
a dragonfly hovers
over the staying reeds
Karen Cesar
divine service
in the open air
for the fall weat
Vasile Moldovan
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
emerging from quiz night
we gamble on a short cut
through the hay-bales
– Sandra Simpson
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
still arguing over
the one about soba noodles,
we order another round
– Sandra Simpson
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
at the Getty museum
we dart from canvas to canvas
until … The Haystacks [italics]
– Sandra Simpson
a passing shower
deepens the abbey walls
to a rich umber
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
– Karen Cesar
slight hum
of a drone
in fog
– Alice Frampton
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
at the Getty museum
we dart from canvas to canvas
until … the haystacks
– Sandra Simpson
hmm, too close a link?
a dragonfly hovers
over the swaying reeds
–Karen Cesar
a goose is
stuck in this renku
flailing to fly on
– Tal Goldman
lovely – yes the ‘reed section’ is a clever idea!