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The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 24

renkuchainWelcome to The Renku Sessions. Renku is a participatory literary game, following a set of rules that are implemented by the leader of the session. If you would like to learn more about renku go here. And if you would like to see a sample of a complete renku go here.

I’m John Stevenson, and I will serve as your guide for this session, a thirty-six verse (kasen) renku. I have supplied the opening verse (hokku) and each week I will select an additional verse from among those submitted prior to the Tuesday deadline.

An increased pace was in evidence this time, with eighty-five verse offers, from twenty-three poets. As I believe I explained in an earlier post, while compiling and reviewing these offers I mark those that seem to warrant strong consideration with a red font. Poets who have already contributed a verse were extremely creative in this round. Twenty-eight of their verses carry the red font in my notes.

Red is rarer among the offers of poets still to be included. Some of the reasons for this continue to be things I mentioned in my last post: moon or blossom images in a verse that calls for neither and/or a lack of the required winter season word or phrase from our season word list. To this I would add something I mentioned several weeks ago – we won’t want to name the season again (use the word “winter,” for instance) during the rest of our renku. And something I may not have mentioned; I am a stickler for effective line breaks. My sense is that breaking a line in the middle of a phrase or known idiom would require a very clear and strong justification if it is to make the cut.

Although there were fewer “red verses” among new contributors, there were enough of them for me to have choices. These resolved into choices among verses by Carmen Sterba and jerry julius. Both of Carmen’s offers are promising – three pairs of boots / lined up by size and bubbling white radishes / in the country stew. They both seem clear, resonant, and full of promise. My reasons for passing on them relate to what we have already included in our renku. We have an implied number (century) in the leap-over verse. With more separation, perhaps another verse with a numerical image might be used. But, even if so, I would be reluctant to include a number lower than one hundred (to do so would be considered retrograde movement, a renku no no). And, while the country stew is tempting, we already have a cooking image (frying fish). That image occurs ten verses ago and this might be enough of an interval to let it go. But we also have the potential of a “black/white” pattern in several of the recently preceding verses (blackened pit, snowfall), so a verse with the word “white” in it would seem to cement that pattern here. This is to be avoided if possible.

Our twenty-fourth verse comes from jerry julius. Once again, I have taken a slight liberty. In this case, I have removed the plural form; substituting “avalanche” for “avalanches.” This is in the interests of both clarity and rhythm. This verse accelerates the pace of its predecessor exponentially! While an avalanche could consist of rocks, sand, snow, ice or combinations of these things, it seems clear in context that this is a winter phenomenon that is being invoked.

Here is the verse you must link to:

avalanche moving
faster than sound

    –jerry julius

The next verse, the twenty-fifth, is non-seasonal and will be followed by our final set of love verses. The challenge here is to “set up” the love verses without actually writing a love verse. A sports image is still a good idea. Here are the formal requirements for verse twenty-five:

  • Non-seasonal image (should not include words or phrases from our season word list)
  • Written in three lines, without a cut
  • Linking with the twenty-fourth verse, and only the twenty-fourth verse
  • Shifting widely to a new topic and setting

Add your suggested three-line link below, in the Comments box. You have until midnight EST, Tuesday, August 19, 2014. You may submit as many verses as you like, but please use a new comment box for each one. I will announce my selection for the next link on Thursday, August 21 here on the blog, and provide information and instructions for submitting the next link.

What We’ll Be Looking For — Throughout the Session

There are many schematic outlines for a kasen renku. We will be using one set out by Professor Fukuda in his book Introduction to World-linking Renku. It will not be necessary for you to have a copy of this book since instructions will be offered before each verse is solicited.

It is a good idea for those participating in the composition of a renku to make use of the same list of season words. There are a number of these lists available and I intend no judgment of their relative value. For purposes of this session I am suggesting the use of The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words.

Pilgrims’ Stride to Date

comparing maps
to the mountain pass–
pilgrims’ stride

    –John Stevenson

a sun-warmed stone bridge
over snowmelt

    –Billie Wilson

dampened soil
of seed trays
in the glasshouse

    –Margaret Beverland

grandmother’s silverware
polished every monday

    –Polona Oblak

a sonata
on the concert Steinway
played to the moon

    –Lorin Ford

dragonflies hover
by the swaying reeds

    –Karen Cesar

slight hum
of a drone
in fog

    –Alice Frampton

the atmosphere
thick with teenage pheromones

    –Norman Darlington

I stumble
trying to reply
“I plight thee my troth.”

    –Paul MacNeil

thinking of a red wig
during chemo

    –Asni Amin

the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow

    –Alan Summers

he makes a wish
to become real

    –Marion Clarke

each mirror reflects
only the cool moon
rising

    –kris moon

freshly-caught fish
sizzles in the pan

    –Aalix Roake

a wealthy prince
exiled in Nigeria
soliciting my help

    –Christopher Patchel

sugar plum fairy came
and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

a milky nimbus
at dusk
beneath the cherry tree

    –Scott Mason

pulling in spring clouds
with a telephoto lens

    –Dru Philippou

plain truth
of a skylark’s
song

    –Stella Pierides

our yoga instructor
tells us to breathe

    –Priscilla Van Valkenburgh

r

smoldering dung cakes
burning in the blackened pit
flavors the curry

    –Betty Shropshire

the family’s grudge
celebrates a century

    –batsword

first snowfall
covering little by little
all the dirt

    –Vasile Moldovan

avalanche moving
faster than sound

    –jerry julius

This Post Has 41 Comments

  1. Olinger-sensei mentioned elsewhere about turning mistakes into flowers…I’m so delighted with the positive nature of the exchanges here…and of course, the praise of true teachers makes one’s heart glow.

    -Patrick

  2. Alan, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. And Lorin, thank you for your note as well, and good to learn about all we have in common.

    I only began with the renku last week, though have been following as I can so far.

    John, thank you again and wonderful to learn more about your story. We had to rebuild our home from the inside, and I enjoyed learning from the carpenters. I was recovering from my mother’s passing and one of the guys told me that their goal was to get me to laugh once a day! I made soup and coffee.

    Lorin, I also think of vincent tripi, the Founder of haiku circle (there’s a website). He was a social worker. My career was in special education. So a lot in common there too. Many stories and people and poems . . . all we bring to haiku, as you said.

    Ellen

  3. I come from a family of teachers – my father, older brother and his wife, my mother’s sister (my fifth-grade reading teacher). I’m the black sheep in this regard. I’ve been a mechanic, construction laborer, library assistant, stage lighting technician, professional actor, supervised a security team at Rich Stadium (Buffalo Bills), stock clerk, graphic artist, insurance examiner, human resources administrator, and a poet since my first publication at eight years old. Whenever I have been asked to teach anything, I have been impressed by the fact that teaching others involves a very different set of skills from those I used to teach myself.

    Here is a story about one of my teachers. My senior year high school English teacher is still living; in her mid nineties. I wanted to send her a copy of my most recent book and decided to call first to be sure that the address I had was still correct. Her husband answered the phone and told me, “You’ll have to call back this afternoon if you want to speak to Dorothy. She’s teaching today.”

  4. Thanks, John. I look forward to reading your post when it’s up.

    Ellen, it’s not really surprising to find that many people involved with haiku/renku etc. are or have been teachers. 🙂 Like yourself, part of my job as a teacher (years 7-12, ie the 6 pre-university years) was supervising student teachers. A teacher certainly needs to be able to think on her/ his feet, and be flexible and inventive rather than pedantic , and a lecture is no substitute for involvement and discussion. In my experience there is something about the best teachers that makes them life-long learners, as well.

    Though I do not know for certain and have never seen him advertising his career history or qualifications, John is someone whom I’ve long suspected shares that background, too. Consider this haiku:

    spring morning
    the hand of a student who
    may know the answer

    ‘Live Again’, John Stevenson (Red Moon Press, 2009)

    The ‘correct’ answer, in a superficial way? The answer to life, the universe and everything? (Well, we all know that’s 42. 🙂 ) The answer to a significant question that’s been haunting the teacher? After all, teachers aren’t know-alls & it’s a truism that to arrive at the answer, one first needs to ask the right question/s. Is the haiku ironic, or not, or both, depending? You can see how this haiku invites thought, reflection beyond the simple surface. A spring morning and even a long-serving and tired teacher might feel optimistic. 😉

    But of course, haiku aren’t necessarily based on biography and it’s naive to take the persona of a poem to be the poet’s ‘true self’.

    John was actually the first editor (of a grand total of two editors over all) to suggest an enlightening revision of a haiku of mine, quite some years again now.

    In any case, I’m confident that John can deal with any questions that I or anyone else might have.

    – Lorin

  5. I have prepared the next post (which normally would not be possible for another couple of days). It will deal with much of what is being discussed in this string and, I hope, clarify what may have seemed contradictory in my instructions and selections to date. It’s hard to be waiting for Thursday to activate the next post but I will. Hoping everyone will rejoin then, when a new verse offer will be made.

  6. .
    .
    Ellen Grace Olinger said

    “You showed me you can think on your feet.”

    That’s the wonderful thing isn’t it? I’ve run haiku and renga events in numerous classes, sometimes with great time constraints, and they always turn out better if a teacher or assistant uses a mix of skill and spontaneity, and the same when children or youngsters incorporate the same. 🙂

    *
    *

    Ellen said:
    “So wonderful to know the seasons from their countries too.”

    This is what I’m fascinated with, and of course with climate change, whether human/animal made or a natural progression it’s fascinating to know what the seasons do now, and a record of what they did in past years. 🙂

    *
    *

    Ellen said:
    “I continue to be amazed by the courage I see every day. Someone makes a commitment to write a haiku or post a painting every day – and welcomes feedback, posts revisions, etc.”

    This is what kept me going with haiku and its close arts, the warm exchanges, learning from each other, and passing on something.

    *
    *

    Ellen said:
    ‘As I’m sure many have said, sometimes wonderful new art grows from the “imperfections” ‘

    Yes! A brilliant statement. 🙂

    *
    *

    Ellen said:
    “ – and would that growth have happened otherwise.”

    That’s the intriguing part. That’s why it’s fascinating to have new people involved in this renku, that it needn’t be clinically precise, but go beyond that. I always learn from new people. 🙂

    *
    *

    Ellen said:
    “Thanks John, for the discussion. I always admired the professors who could allow all the points of view – and discuss, as opposed to only lecture.”

    Well said Ellen! 🙂

    I’m excited about the next step in this renku, and how both new and old names can continue to make this renku as gripping as a novel, or an anthology of multiple nano-narratives. 😉

    warm regards,

    Alan

    .
    .

    August 18, 2014 at 8:11 am
    I can’t speak from a background of scholarship in haiku and related forms.
    From other perspectives, though, I am in favor of being flexible where possible.
    When I worked with practice teachers, as their university supervisor, the students were required to have a formal lesson plan ready, when I visited their classrooms and met with their cooperating teachers. Once a student worried that her lesson turned out differently than her plan. I reassured her and said, “You showed me you can think on your feet.” That sentence being from a professor in my doctoral program in education – as to why they had the LONG comprehensive exams.
    With blogging, I used to be more literal, following the seasons from Wisconsin USA in order. Now I have friends from other parts of the world, including New Zealand, Australia, Japan. So wonderful to know the seasons from their countries too. A little more each season. I may still mostly follow the seasons from here, on my own blog, to also create a nature journal over time.
    This weekend I followed a few more art and poetry blogs. I continue to be amazed by the courage I see every day. Someone makes a commitment to write a haiku or post a painting every day – and welcomes feedback, posts revisions, etc. Makes me feel encouraged to see their posts in my reader. As I’m sure many have said, sometimes wonderful new art grows from the “imperfections” – and would that growth have happened otherwise. The mystery of creativity after all the hard work.

    *
    *
    Thanks John, for the discussion. I always admired the professors who could allow all the points of view – and discuss, as opposed to only lecture.
    All the best, Ellen

  7. I can’t speak from a background of scholarship in haiku and related forms.

    From other perspectives, though, I am in favor of being flexible where possible.

    When I worked with practice teachers, as their university supervisor, the students were required to have a formal lesson plan ready, when I visited their classrooms and met with their cooperating teachers. Once a student worried that her lesson turned out differently than her plan. I reassured her and said, “You showed me you can think on your feet.” That sentence being from a professor in my doctoral program in education – as to why they had the LONG comprehensive exams.

    With blogging, I used to be more literal, following the seasons from Wisconsin USA in order. Now I have friends from other parts of the world, including New Zealand, Australia, Japan. So wonderful to know the seasons from their countries too. A little more each season. I may still mostly follow the seasons from here, on my own blog, to also create a nature journal over time.

    This weekend I followed a few more art and poetry blogs. I continue to be amazed by the courage I see every day. Someone makes a commitment to write a haiku or post a painting every day – and welcomes feedback, posts revisions, etc. Makes me feel encouraged to see their posts in my reader. As I’m sure many have said, sometimes wonderful new art grows from the “imperfections” – and would that growth have happened otherwise. The mystery of creativity after all the hard work.

    Thanks John, for the discussion. I always admired the professors who could allow all the points of view – and discuss, as opposed to only lecture.

    All the best, Ellen

  8. “I’m guessing the New Zealand avalanche being in Winter and Spring is down to the calendar system we all use now, but I wonder if it might not be all Winter if the Lunar Calendar was used? I’m guessing that much of the Japanese kigo system would fall into current seasons better if the Lunar calendar was adopted. For instance the New Year would not have to be a separate ‘haiku season’”- Alan

    Hi Alan,
    It’s fascinating to ponder these things. 🙂 But although we all use the same calendar system these days, that doesn’t mean that the official four seasons begin & end at the same time in the various countries. I don’t know & haven’t checked when Japan’s seasons officially begin & end, but I do know that there is a difference between when, eg. Australian & New Zealand seasons officially begin & end and eg. seasons in the USA and Canada.

    I’m not talking about the obvious… opposite months of the year for Northern & Southern hemispheres. I mean that in the USA, seasons begin at the solstices and equinoxes, whilst in Australia and NZ, seasons begin on the first day of March, June, September and December. (But you know this, you’ve lived here.) By sheer coincidence, this actually is closer to the old official beginnings of the seasons in Japan according to the older moon calendar.

    Chinese New Year is a moveable feast, as is Easter. But these, and Ramadan, Christmas, New Year etc. are calendar references not seasonal references on the world level, since clearly they are celebrated in opposite seasons though on the same dates depending on which hemisphere we mean.

    It’s easy on the local level, but not so easy on the world level, and that’s even without taking climate into account.

    Here, the first narcissus ( ‘Paperwhite’ jonquil) in my own yard regularly blooms on the day of the winter solstice. The same thing could very well happen in New Mexico …but it’s unlikely in New York. 😉 ‘The 500 Essential Season Words’ places ‘narcissus’ in ‘late winter’. There are various jonquils and daffs so who knows which sort is meant? It’s a conventional, literary designation, an ‘agreement’.

    – Lorin

  9. Dear Lorin,

    I’m merely thinking out aloud, seeing if John can allow his choice to stand. Kigo is an intriguing device but it would be a shame to lose the avalanche verse. It’s possible it will have to be lost for now because it’s not in the list of 500. Thankfully the sabaki can also override limitations, and sticking to just one guide too. 🙂

    I’m guessing the New Zealand avalanche being in Winter and Spring is down to the calendar system we all use now, but I wonder if it might not be all Winter if the Lunar Calendar was used? I’m guessing that much of the Japanese kigo system would fall into current seasons better if the Lunar calendar was adopted. For instance the New Year would not have to be a separate ‘haiku season’. 🙂

    kindest regards,

    Alan

  10. “The avalanche season(s) tend to be in Winter, whether Japan, America, Scotland etc… The Japanese kigo system which pre-dates haiku, and quite possibly pre-dates renga, was based on the sensible Lunar Calendar vital for an agrarian society, and its farmers.” – Alan

    In this part of the world, across the Ditch in New Zealand, avalanches are most common in Winter and Spring:

    http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/plan-and-prepare/safety-in-the-outdoors/be-avalanche-alert/

    I just feel that in the 21st Century, and the switching from the lunar calendar to the universal one we use now, that avalanche should be considered a winter seasonal reference. Possibly a late Winter seasonal reference.” – Alan

    Alan, I’m sure that you’re as aware as I am (if not more so) that season words/ kigo in Japan, from classical times through to contemporary, are a convention rather than realistic reports of what happens when. The list being used here, ‘The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words’ is a small version of a saijki with EL translations. The reason for saijiki (like a dictionary of season words) is to provide common ground for the many and diverse groups writing renku (and haiku!)

    When do cherry blossoms bloom in Japan? In reality, they bloom earlier in the south and later in the north just as in Australia jacarada blooms earliest in Queensland, then NSW, then Victoria and last of all in southern Tasmania. The kigo / season word ‘cherry blossom’ denotes a conventional time frame that allows renku (and haiku) writers from the furthest south to the furthest north of Japan to be on the same page as far as kigo goes.

    So it’s not a matter of whether or not ‘avalanche’ is more realistically a winter season word or a spring season word or even whether ‘The 500 Essential Season Words’ should be amended.

    The reason that EL renku often adopts a saijiki resource is also so that everyone is on the same page about season words eligible for the various verse positions, first the participants and later, other readers. It’s the sabaki’s privilege to set the saijiki.

    John has set ‘The 500 Essential Season Words’ as the reference for this renku, no doubt because it is easily accessible to all.

    – Lorin

  11. Ah, correction, of course Marshall and Karen are from Toronto, duh! I guess that makes hopping over to Bath U.K. easier? 😉

    Enjoy the photos, and the renga was published in the Notes from the Gean haikai magazine.

    kind regards,

    Alan

  12. Hi everyone,

    Not only is John exceptionally busy at the moment, and I only know too well how difficult it is to facilitate a complex project when family and business are at their height, but he’s created what I’d consider a vital conundrum.

    The avalanche season(s) tend to be in Winter, whether Japan, America, Scotland etc… The Japanese kigo system which pre-dates haiku, and quite possibly pre-dates renga, was based on the sensible Lunar Calendar vital for an agrarian society, and its farmers.

    jerry julius has created drama for us, and I’m excited about what the next verse will do.

    I just feel that in the 21st Century, and the switching from the lunar calendar to the universal one we use now, that avalanche should be considered a winter seasonal reference. Possibly a late Winter seasonal reference.

    I marvel at John Stevenson’s handling of this renku, on his own too. When I ran a one day live session at a train station in Bath (England) I wisely let Marshall Hryciuk & Karen Sohne be sabaki and scribe. I looked after the train station liaison, as staff were puzzled why so many writers and musicians weren’t taking the train that quiet Easter Monday, and also made sure individuals were comfortable, and could go off for long breaks (shopping, museums) and could meet back with us when we changed our venue to a park, and later a pub.

    If you google “Area 17: Bath Spa Train Station Renga Party” you’ll find Marshall and Karen (Sohne) in action, kindly popping over from Vancouver, Canada, to the South West of England for ‘the day’. 🙂

    kind regards,

    Alan

    p.s.

    John has been a hero during this renku, and has held my admiration throughout, and my thanks to a new name of jerry julius, for adding a fascinating verse.

    .

  13. This is my first go at a renku.
    In my opinion, conducting a renku on the haiku foundation website is a great idea and I leapt at the chance to participate along with a wide variety of poets, some of whose work I admire greatly.
    To my knowledge, renku groups have been conducted mainly in live situations or closed ( by invitation) online forums so I see this as a great opportunity open to all who are interested.
    The complexities of managing this forum and the diversity of opinion along with the renku structure is certainly challenging and I think given that this is first attempt in this format, we can explore any “errors” along the way and all benefit from the experience.
    I have learnt a great deal already and look forward to learning more as we progress.
    Thanks to John for taking the Sabaki reins and you all 🙂

  14. I’ve been reading and learning a lot here. The renku is a brand new learning curve for me.

    I remember when I was teaching at NEIU in Chicago, 20 years and more ago, and driving home after a late night class, having begun work early in the day. I’d always tend to think about what I could have done better in a class, but then learned to say to myself to simply be safe and get home.

    Then at home, I’d make notes about where to begin again next time. A more experienced teacher than me said that a class is never the same way twice, no matter how many times you teach a course.

    Many years ago, I was a part of a linked verse session with Chi-ku, a group begun by Charles Trumbull. I wasn’t ready but tried. Towards the end, none of my poems had been selected – but Lee Gurga rewrote a poem of mine and I was included.

    I see that same generous spirit here.

    If renku are meant to be fun too, a game – if there is a mistake in a live session, do poets simply go with the new flow? Like experienced musicians able to improvise?

    “avalanche” is a powerful word. The son of a cousin died mountain climbing. Then there’s the avalanche of emotions and/or life events – illnesses, and other losses.

    Thanks to jerry julius for inspiring some new poems for me – and I will follow John’s lead from here.

    Ellen

  15. “The fact is that I simply missed that “avalanche” is listed as a spring season word on our season word list. ” – John

    But if it hadn’t turned out to be listed as a spring season word and instead, simply wasn’t listed at all, then that would’ve been ok?

    (I didn’t check to see if it was listed under any of the other seasons, apart from a quick glance at ‘new year’, since your instructions specified a winter word or phrase from the list.)

    – Lorin

  16. Dear Renku Partners,

    Please do not submit anything further at this point. I will be taking this week’s session down from The Haiku Foundation site and rewriting it for next week. The fact is that I simply missed that “avalanche” is listed as a spring season word on our season word list. This will require us to revisit the selection of a twenty-fourth verse before we can go further.

    I would love to be able to turn this around in time for us to go on with this week’s submissions but I am employed full time and do not expect to have any free time today. This weekend I will be attending a family reunion out of town and will be either driving or at the reunion (without my computer). So, rather than leave you with only a day or two before your next deadline, I will revisit the verse twenty-four selection and either post a new verse twenty-four next week or post new instructions for starting over on that verse.

    My apologies for the confusion and inconvenience.

    John Stevenson

  17. I’m sorry, John, i really do not understand your choice.
    this was supposed to be a winter verse, and yet, in the list of season words we’re instructed to use, avalanche is mid spring.

  18. “Red is rarer among the offers of poets still to be included. Some of the reasons for this continue to be things I mentioned in my last post: moon or blossom images in a verse that calls for neither and/or a lack of the required winter season word or phrase from our season word list./ ” . John

    Yet the verse you selected lacks “the required winter season word or phrase from our season word list.” As does the ‘frying fish’ verse at 14.

    You explicitly instruct us to use kigo from the prescribed list, then you flagrantly choose to ignore that requirement when selecting, at least in the two verses I’ve mentioned, ‘fryng fish’ at 14 and ‘avalanche’ at 23.

    Then you tell us again that one of the reasons some verses aren’t being accepted is “a lack of the required winter season word or phrase from our season word listand this in the same post in which you’ve accepted a verse without “a word or phrase from our season word list” !!!

    It’s enough to do one’s head in. I am completely confounded.

    – Lorin

  19. ” And, while the country stew is tempting, we already have a cooking image (frying fish). That image occurs ten verses ago and this might be enough of an interval to let it go. ” – John

    Yes, and closer than 10 verses ago we have Betty’s curry cooking in the pit only three</i verses ago, so 3 verses about cooking dinner would seem to set a theme, and renku are not supposed to be thematic.

    But I am completely confounded by your choice of this verse, John:

    avalanche moving
    faster than sound

    –jerry julius

    Your choice here flies in the face of your explicit instructions for this verse position:

    "The next verse, the twenty-fourth, is the second of two consecutive winter verses. Here are the formal requirements for verse twenty-four:

    Winter seasonal image (should include a winter word or phrase from our season word list but not “early” winter [also not a blossom, love, or moon image])
    Written in two lines, without a cut
    Linking with the twenty-third verse, and only the twenty-third verse
    Shifting widely to a new topic and setting

    And if that weren’t enough, you reminded Chris and therefore all of us reading the thread for verse 23 that there needed to be a word/ kigo from the list we’re using, and not any other:

    “John Stevenson August 10, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Hi Christopher,

    We are using Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words.

    I am also more familiar with, and generally use, Higginson but we are not using his listings this time.

    John ”

    How clearer could it be? I, for one, appreciated that

    I cannot understand how we can get from those clear requirements to this choice and this statement:

    ” While an avalanche could consist of rocks, sand, snow, ice or combinations of these things, it seems clear in context that this is a winter phenomenon that is being invoked.” – John

    1. The word does not appear as a kigo in the list we’re using. In selecting this verse you’ve thumbed your nose at every participant who has read and followed your instructions in good faith and confounded every reader of these threads who is trying to understand renku.

    2. The only winter phenomenon it invokes for me is snow and things related to snow. We have snow in verse 2 as well as the previous verse.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/what-causes-an-avalanche-1.1174101

    3. As you did for verse 14,

    freshly-caught fish
    sizzles in the pan

    –Aalix Roake

    you have ignored our own instructions about kigo and the list of season words you’ve set for this renku. For the fish verse, you simply declared that fish in a frying pan evokes summer (it certainly doesn’t for me). Similarly, though with more logic, you declare that winter is being evoked by ‘avalanche’. Yes, it does. But as well as not being on the list, how it invokes winter is via snow. Lots of it.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/what-causes-an-avalanche-1.1174101

    When a sabaki disregards his own instructions without admission or explanation, and does this more than once, there’s something wrong. I’ve completely lost faith in the process for this renku, John.

    – Lorin

  20. avalanche moving
    faster than sound

    –jerry julius

    dancers choose
    between waltz and foxtrot
    for the semi-finals

    * remembering that John may be considering a verse starting with a prepositional phrase as a cut ….

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