The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 19
Welcome to The Renku Sessions. Renku is a participatory literary game, following a set of rules that are implemented by the leader of the session. If you would like to learn more about renku go here. And if you would like to see a sample of a complete renku go here.
I’m John Stevenson, and I will serve as your guide for this session, a thirty-six verse (kasen) renku. I have supplied the opening verse (hokku) and each week I will select an additional verse from among those submitted prior to the Tuesday deadline.
Twenty-three poets and fifty-five verses were the totals this time around. A special welcome is extended to several participants who premiered this week. I look forward to seeing more of your work as we go on.
Looking, as I have been, especially at the offers of poets who do not yet have a verse in the renku, I paid extra attention this time to links from Terri French, Stella Pierides, Carmen Sterba, and mary white. An early favorite was the slouched shoulders / of beach combers / following drift lines (Terri French). It contains a late spring season reference (beach combing) and the idea of “drift lines” seems playful in light of what we are doing here with our lines of poetry. I am passing partly because “slouching” seems to forfeit some of the energy that I want at this point and because, as I mentioned in my comments in the previous post, verses seventeen and eighteen have us looking first at the ground and then at the sky. To now look back to the ground would be too much of a pattern within these few verses.
I am very fond of Carmen Sterba’s Charlie Brown / looses his grip / on the kite’s string. The tone is light and faintly ironic. I have one small concern. We have an indirect reference to Pinocchio in the previous “page” of this section, so Charlie Brown (another fictional boy) might be a little too close at this point.
My final choice, between verses by mary white (the snap of sheets / drying in the April breeze / lifts her spirits) and Stella Pierides (plain truth / of a skylark’s / song), was difficult. Both are attractive as opening verses for a new “page” and both have drawbacks. Because the preceding verse named the season, I would be reluctant to follow it with a verse whose season reference depends upon naming a month, especially when we are an international group and the month of April is an autumn month for some of us. It is alright to use a season reference that is not specifically mentioned on our season list but this must be done with great caution. The alternative is a very short three line verse and, as I mentioned last week, I would like to select some longer verses since I have such a strong affinity for the shorter ones. Also, we have a song lyric recently quoted and a sonata played in the opening section. While I think of man-made music and bird song as quite different things, there are certain to be some who will disagree. And we had flying insects in the sixth verse.
A word of caution here – as we proceed through the latter portions of our renku it will be increasingly difficult to find verses without some kind of flaw. Put another way, if will become increasingly easy to find faults. I hope we can all minimize the energy we devote to fault finding. It will make our work together easier and much more enjoyable. The focus on “what we can’t do,” which can become more intense in the late portions of a renku, may create frustrations that can, in turn, discourage newcomers from enjoying renku writing. We are not writing this renku for a competition. We are writing it for fun and for a light introduction to the genre.
Our nineteenth verse comes from Stella Pierides. “Skylark” is the seasonal reference – listed as “all spring” on our season word chart. While our focus may be skyward, the “truth of song” is an attractive corollary / contrast with the literal quality of a sharply focused photograph. As we begin a new “page” (verses nineteen through thirty) this ephemeral beauty invokes liberation, joy, and perhaps a touch of Shelley.
Here is the verse you must link to:
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song–Stella Pierides
The next verse, the twentieth, is the first in a series of three non-seasonal verses. This would be a good time for an “indoor” image. Here are the formal requirements for verse twenty:
- Non-seasonal image (should not contain words or phrases from our season word list)
- Written in two lines, without a cut
- Linking with the nineteenth verse, and only the nineteenth verse
- Shifting widely to a new topic and setting
Add your suggested two-line link below, in the Comments box. You have until midnight EST, Tuesday, July 15, 2014. You may submit as many verses as you like, but please use a new comment box for each one. I will announce my selection for the next link on Thursday, July 17 here on the blog, and provide information and instructions for submitting the next link.
What We’ll Be Looking For — Throughout the Session
There are many schematic outlines for a kasen renku. We will be using one set out by Professor Fukuda in his book Introduction to World-linking Renku. It will not be necessary for you to have a copy of this book since instructions will be offered before each verse is solicited.
It is a good idea for those participating in the composition of a renku to make use of the same list of season words. There are a number of these lists available and I intend no judgment of their relative value. For purposes of this session I am suggesting the use of The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words.
Pilgrims’ Stride to Date
comparing maps
to the mountain pass–
pilgrims’ stride–John Stevenson
a sun-warmed stone bridge
over snowmelt–Billie Wilson
dampened soil
of seed trays
in the glasshouse–Margaret Beverland
grandmother’s silverware
polished every monday–Polona Oblak
a sonata
on the concert Steinway
played to the moon–Lorin Ford
dragonflies hover
by the swaying reeds–Karen Cesar
slight hum
of a drone
in fog–Alice Frampton
the atmosphere
thick with teenage pheromones–Norman Darlington
I stumble
trying to reply
“I plight thee my troth.”–Paul MacNeil
thinking of a red wig
during chemo–Asni Amin
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow–Alan Summers
he makes a wish
to become real–Marion Clarke
each mirror reflects
only the cool moon
rising–kris moon
freshly-caught fish
sizzles in the pan–Aalix Roake
a wealthy prince
exiled in Nigeria
soliciting my help–Christopher Patchel
sugar plum fairy came
and hit the streets…–Jennifer Sutherland
a milky nimbus
at dusk
beneath the cherry tree–Scott Mason
pulling in spring clouds
with a telephoto lens–Dru Philippou
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song–Stella Pierides
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Thank you, everyone. Please check in again, starting tomorrow!
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
against a backdrop
of deceit
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
she claims to have led
a sheltered life
tumblers clowning
about the rigging
she kisses
her lover
he kisses
his lover
as the snake falls
from the tree
writing hello’s
with my sharpie
plain truth
of the skylark’s
song
– Stella Pierides
the soft sigh
of a sleeping child
– Lisa Meyers
our yoga instructor
tells us to breathe
Or
our instructor
tells us to breathe
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
the cat only acting
naturally
– Lorin Ford
Slight revision:
the neighbor’s yoga class
holds an upward pose
the neighbor’s yoga class
poses in an upward hold
a bitter pill to swallow
without any sweetener
cups of steaming coffee
with sugar and conversation
a razor’s blade
can’t stop the cuts
Another edit:
vintage wheels behind the bar
betting eight ball glances
he strews newspapers
all over the kitchen
he strews newspapers
all over the living room
oops_ I forgot my own fish!
Hi Alice,
“Probably each Rengishi chooses differently. ”
Yes, most likely each sabaki will choose differently, even the same sabaki will probably choose differently for each renku he/she leads. 🙂 Ultimately, each renku is a poem, or if that seems to be going too far, at least each renku aspires to be a poem. To use the music analogy, how many composers have given us how many sonatas, over time? Though there are formal things that allow us to say, ‘This is a sonata’ for all of them, each composer has a different interpretation and approach, and the same composer will produce different sonatas.
Even different conductors of an orchestra will have pieces performed in slightly different ways, with various subtle emphases/ interpretations.
And it’d be a boring world if it was any other way, don’t you think? 😉
– Lorin
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
the smell of death
on both sides of the Wall
– Lorin Ford
shark swims
deep and wide
plain truth
of the skylark’s
song
-Stella Pierides
updraft on an alpha wave
my brain makes room for wings
-Patrick Sweeney
Alice,
Haiku evolved from the hokku (first verse). Other verses differ; slightly, during the opening section (“jo”), and significantly during the middle sections (“ha”), which is what we are writing now. We can do a great many things now that might be considered inappropriate for haiku.
You are correct in guessing that “how close is too close” will be answered differently by different renku people. I will continue to explain my thoughts while making future selections but I want to emphasize always that my way is just one of the ways of making these choices.
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
-Stella Pierides
a blithe spirit
crashes our seance
Lorin,
That’s an interesting fact about Emily Dickinson. I didn’t know that.
My immediate thought, though, would be the music connection . . . ?
In {my} last offering, I even feel house/home and come/came might be too close.
Even questions/reply could be tossed. I’m just not sure how close is too close. I’m sure John will know. I’m glad he gives us the reasons for his choices. Probably each Rengishi chooses differently. I find John has a very deep knowledge of what works and what doesn’t. Nice to have his list of criteria.
Can anyone tell me if our verses should follow the basics of regular haiku, such as not using judgement words . . . right here, right now, just the facts? I’m not that familiar about how far we stray from regular haiku (?)
Thanks Lorin and everyone!
Yours,
Alice
Editing to:
hand cuffing loose threads
onto a chequered floor
stashed in the cookie tin
assorted shoelaces
the petty criminal
requests a lawyer
afternoon tea
at the window table
in the open-plan office
the hum of air conditioning
plain truth
of the skylark’s
song
-Stella Pierides
saying exactly what she means
the moon at the window
-Patrick Sweeney
I just noticed this & it gave me a laugh 🙂
(from John’s text in relation to Stella’s verse)
“And we had flying insects in the sixth verse.”
🙂 It reminds me of JEC remarking on the absurd lengths that ‘repetition spotters’ can go to & giving the example of “…can’t have a mansion in this verse because we had a bird not long ago, and both have wings.”
– Lorin
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
the hymnal open
near Emily’s pen
– Lorin Ford
(Though I realise that, at a stretch, this could be considered to be trespassing on the hokku’s territory if it was categorised as ‘religion’ 😉 to me it’s more ‘poetry/ literature’ … her metric patterns were based on common hymns… & plain truth, which she is, imo, breathtakingly good at… none better. Anyway, I felt to put a homage to the spirit of a brilliant, deathless poet on the record. 🙂
– Lorin
the twenty questions
when I come home late
Thanks John,
Yes, I did post it again to the right posting place, but I revisit the archives quite a lot to read and re read the threads. Still trying to learn all I can.
Maybe, instead of the web designer having to change anything, I can commit to memory checking and double checking what I’m doing before submitting a verse. :-))))))
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
with the swagger
of a Caravaggio
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
no more whispers
about her condition
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
in large bold letters
“lies, lies, lies…”
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
the date and the time
of their rendezvous
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
only sixpence left
in the cloisonné vase
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
another great bargain
as the hammer falls
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
the secret’s out: buttermilk
and a pinch of bicarb
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
she changes her ringtone
with the seasons
Dear Lorin,
To wrap this up.
You: “Think about it: you haven’t participated in this renku, haven’t offered any verses
at all.”
Me: I have thought about it, and this is what I know: I have submitted 10 offers to this renku.
You: “I don’t know anything about your involvement in haiku or renku, though, devora. Are you a troll?”
Me: I have been published in some of the best haiku & haibun journals.
Oh, as far as the woof, woof “wrong tree” thing, John’s answer was especially
pet-friendly, when he admitted that “Perhaps my wording was confusing.”
Yours truly,
Devora
Alice,
I’m not aware of all the mechanics yet. Have learned just enough to produce my new postings from week to week. But no harm is done with the posting in the wrong place so long as you also post it in the right place. Just be aware that, this time, I am only reviewing verses that appear under The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims’ Stride 19.
John
hand cuffing loose threads
onto the chequered bureau
airline security
continues the pat-down
Whoops again! I was reading back and added a submission to an archived verse. Is there a way to close comments to the archives once a verse is chosen and we move on?
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
the newspaper
folded to the crossword puzzle
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
the hymnal open
Emily takes up her pen
– Lorin Ford
devora July 11, 2014 at 9:02 am
“Thank you, Lorin, for that information about the “well-knowns.” So it prompts me more than ever to ask why these poets were not included in John’s list of those he was especially looking at who do not yet have a verse in the renku.* In other words, why were these “knowns” not being especially looked at? It’s a fair question. If I were a known and had been left off the list, I would have wondered. And, of course, it still leaves the real unknowns who are not being especially considered.
*I can’t even figure out why he singled out these people in this way at all. It was rather odd.” – devora
In your judgement, your question was “a fair question”, and John has answered you …. with considerable modesty & tact, I might remark. You know now that you were barking up the wrong tree, so there’s no need for me to comment on that.
“In addition, a couple of side notes. I asked John these questions, not you.” – devora
And, you’ll note, I did not presume to answer your questions. What I called your attention to was your presumption, without any evidence whatsoever, that some of those people were known and others not.
” while your answer was informative, it absolutely fell apart when you did a gratuitous non sequitur asking about my involvement in haiku and renku, and that silly thing about wondering if I am a troll. ”
Your opinion is that your question to John was “a fair one”, yet my question to you was “silly”. Hmmm…
My question was candid, even, I admit, blunt, but I don’t think it was silly. (Would it have been improved in your view if I’d tagged ”just askin’ ” on the end?)
Think about it: you haven’t participated in this renku, haven’t offered any verses at all. You’ve asserted that some people are ‘unknowns’ as if you were quite knowledgeable in renku or haiku matters but if I place your name plus ‘renku’ or ‘haiku’ in Google search, the only results I get are your comments in the threads of ‘Pilgrim’s Stride’. So who knows who you are?
You’re basically anonymous. You’re not participating. Your comments/ questions have a negative or ‘stirring’ quality to them. (Possibly this might be what you mean by calling yourself a “challenger”?)
Ask yourself: what is it that would distinguish you from a troll? (I ask you to ask yourself, not to answer me)
(ps …I don’t consider you to be “opposition”. I don’t understand at all where that’s coming from)
– Lorin
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
an Amish woman’s
nibble fingers
homemade curtains block out
the neighbor’s upstairs bedroom
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
fact or fiction?
a UFO
in the night sky
over coffee
we agree to disagree
Thank you, John, for all that you are doing here. I’ve learnt so much from you and everyone here and enjoy participating in this renku.
the flush of the commode
in the morning
shades of gray
pearls nestle in match boxes
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
an additional chair
might square the circle
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
my thrice weekly copy
of Pravda tossed in the bin
* Pravda italicized
Perhaps my wording was confusing. I looked carefully at all of the verses contributed, as I do each week. My commentary was about the final four verses (not poets) that I considered, after passing on others (other verses), either because they were written by poets already included in the renku or because they featured renku-related flaws that I considered to outweigh whatever virtues they may also have had. I hope you will all understand that, as someone who is still employed on a full-time basis and who devotes a good deal of my non-workday hours to writing and editing haiku and other poetry, I do not have time to comment on every verse entered for the renku. But I do read and consider each of them and I am grateful for the participation of all the poets who contribute. All are welcome.
socks cover
deformed feet
woken up
from a restless nap
grandpa stubs his toe
on the child’s broken toy
Thank you, Lorin, for that information about the “well-knowns.” So it prompts me more than ever to ask why these poets were not included in John’s list of those he was especially looking at who do not yet have a verse in the renku.* In other words, why were these “knowns” not being especially looked at? It’s a fair question. If I were a known and had been left off the list, I would have wondered. And, of course, it still leaves the real unknowns who are not being especially considered.
*I can’t even figure out why he singled out these people in this way at all. It was rather odd.
In addition, a couple of side notes. I asked John these questions, not you. And while your answer was informative, it absolutely fell apart when you did a gratuitous non sequitur asking about my involvement in haiku and renku, and that silly thing about wondering if I am a troll. You have often taken such a tone on this thread, and I guess it’s the way you handle opposition. I do not take it personally, and hope other challengers don’t too.
a sigh unattached
to the obvious
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
-Stella Pierides
war plans in repeating stanzas
easy for children to remember
-Patrick Sweeney
” … Vasile Moldovan … (and other unknown offerers)…” – devora
Vasile is better known in both European haiku and renku circles than any of the poets you consider to be well-known, devora, and has participated in renku in English with an international group of writers, and ‘batsword’ would perhaps be more recognisable if she included her name along with her verse offers 🙂 She is quite well-known in renku circles. I am aware of Tricia Knoll’s haiku work, too.
I don’t know anything about your involvement in haiku or renku, though, devora. Are you a troll?
– Lorin
at the business meeting
I double-dip my carrot stick
the clack of Mahjong tiles
from the restaurant’s back room
Re: “Looking, as I have been, especially at the offers of poets who do not yet have a verse in the renku, I paid extra attention this time to links from Terri French, Stella Pierides, Carmen Sterba, and mary white.”
Why is that, John, because they are the well-known poets, and poets like Joel Irusta, Betty Shropshire, Meli Kyriakos, batsword, Tricia Knoll, Vasile Moldovan, Jerry Julius (and other unknown offerers) are not, and should not be especially considered?
Just askin’
devora
radio static
in the kitchen
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
Stella Pierides
an echo resounding
in the cavern depth
vintage wheels line the bar
eight ball glances
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
pillows fluffed for
the Craftsman’s Guild
plain truth
of a skylark’s song
round-topped window
with a cushioned seat
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
oriental six-panel
room divider
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
in the hallway
I find the hoped-for letter
There were a lot of stunning verses, and despite loving so many verses, this is a great verse:
plain truth
of a skylark’s
song
–Stella Pierides
I’m again excited about the verses that will be posted.
warm regards,
Alan