The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 11
Welcome to The Renku Sessions. Renku is a participatory literary game, following a set of rules that are implemented by the leader of the session. If you would like to learn more about renku go here. And if you would like to see a sample of a complete renku, go here.
I’m John Stevenson, and I will serve as your guide for this session, a thirty-six verse (kasen) renku. I have supplied the opening verse (hokku) and each week I will select an additional verse from among those submitted prior to the Tuesday deadline.
Twenty-five poets made a total of one hundred seven verse eleven offers. Sometimes the application of the rules of the game can be painful. I would dearly love to have selected Jennifer Sutherland’s a different voice / for each character / in her bedtime story for the sake of its interplay with verse ten. Unfortunately, the leap-over verse (number nine) involves speaking from a text (wedding vows) and so the focus on the particulars of reading a bedtime story aloud is too close. There are times when I would weigh the value of a verse highly enough to bend some of the rules but perhaps not while attempting to teach the basics of the genre.
Similarly, I was leaning toward Aalix Roake’s blanket of stars (North Pole version). But, realizing that number thirteen will be a summer/moon verse, I saw that it would create unnecessary difficulties to feature such a strong night sky image in the verse destined to be its leap-over. Aalix, of course, was not provided with information about verse thirteen. So, only congratulations are due on a vivid image that might well have been my choice under different circumstances.
Our eleventh verse comes from Alan Summers. This verse intensifies the chill of its predecessor in an indirect and deeply intuitive fashion. And the juxtaposition of the two verses puts me in mind of a painting by Franz Marc.
Here is the verse you must link to:
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadows–Alan Summers
The next verse, the twelfth, is the third in this series of three with no seasonal or other specific topical requirements. You may want to consider (as I have) that the next verse (number thirteen) is to be a summer/moon verse. Here are the formal requirements for verse twelve:
- Non-seasonal (avoids any topics assigned to a specific season in our list of season words)
- Written in two lines, without a cut
- Linking with the eleventh verse, and only the eleventh verse
- Shifting widely to a new topic and setting
Add your suggested two-line link below, in the Comments box. You have until midnight EST, Tuesday, May 20, 2014. You may submit as many verses as you like, but please use a new comment box for each one. I will announce my selection for the next link on Thursday, May 22 here on the blog, and provide information and instructions for submitting the next link.
What We’ll Be Looking For — Throughout the Session
There are many schematic outlines for a kasen renku. We will be using one set out by Professor Fukuda in his book Introduction to World-linking Renku. It will not be necessary for you to have a copy of this book since instructions will be offered before each verse is solicited.
It is a good idea for those participating in the composition of a renku to make use of the same list of season words. There are a number of these lists available and I intend no judgment of their relative value. For purposes of this session I am suggesting the use of The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words.
Pilgrims’ Stride to Date
comparing maps
to the mountain pass–
pilgrims’ stride–John Stevenson
a sun-warmed stone bridge
over snowmelt–Billie Wilson
dampened soil
of seed trays
in the glasshouse–Margaret Beverland
grandmother’s silverware
polished every monday–Polona Oblak
a sonata
on the concert Steinway
played to the moon–Lorin Ford
dragonflies hover
by the swaying reeds–Karen Cesar
slight hum
of a drone
in fog–Alice Frampton
the atmosphere
thick with teenage pheromones–Norman Darlington
I stumble
trying to reply
“I plight thee my troth.”–Paul MacNeil
thinking of a red wig
during chemo–Asni Amin
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow–Alan Summers
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John,
What would be the status of haiku presented here, but not chosen? Would they be considered by a journal to be previously published?
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadows
her hearing aid
switched to off
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadows
Good work, everyone. Next post, tomorrow morning.
Another attempt to fix this
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadows
– Alan Summers
Yorick’s skull
held by the prince
Yorick’s skull
in his hands
a new chapter starts
on page fifteen
the prince attends
incognito
adding flowers and vines
to pale silk
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadows
– Alan Summers
silhouettes
illustrate the children’s book
dropping the needle
into the ‘sharps’ bin
a coin sinks to the bottom
of the wishing well
King Kong penned up
in the hold of a great ship
King Kong
in the hold of a ship
imagining King Kong
in the hold of a ship
he makes a wish
to become real
crying because he isn’t
a real boy
Thanks for explaining the ‘red’ issue, John! 🙂
Energizer batteries
at the top of her list
a crypt of moss
and security gates
a ripple
under the eaves
a ripple under
the eaves catches my eye
a movement under
the eaves catches my eye
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
dreams for sale
at the five n dime
afraid of the elevator
she chats with the other passenger
afraid of the elevator
she talks with the other passenger
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
dazzled by the mason’s
ceremonial knife
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
the Secret Seven take
on the bullies
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
songlines lead to the
Mimi spirits of Dreamtime
afraid of the elevator
she stands close to the other passenger
typo time
each child takes several books
out of the library
each child takes several books
out f the library
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
Napoleon Brandy
and a good cigar
* I swear this is the last iteration ….
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
a good cigar
and a snifter of brandy
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
a snifter of Courvoisier
and a good cigar
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
rolled around one’s tongue
the mouthfeel of dark chocolate
a pale moon
listening to the sounds of the world
words from the old Underwood
tap-tap-tapping
Marion: If I may clarify your comment – colorful images certainly may be used but the explicit naming of colors should be avoided during most, if not all, of the remaining renku verses. And, since the leap-over verse names the color red, any image depending upon the identification of a color (especially red) would be a problem in our current verse.
Jennifer: I’m not sure what your “woopsi” is about but I will say that “stolen kisses” should be saved for the next set of love verses (in the library!).
Aalix: No apology is necessary. Just as the renku itself is meant to contain a very wide variety of images, I hope that our process in producing it will exhibit a variety of approaches, all valid, taken by the various participants. You are showing us a great deal of your process. If several others were doing that, it might fall to me to gently ask for some to take turns with it. But that is not the case.
child soldiers settle down
and listen
getting back on
the breadcrumb trail
she downloads
the multilingual app
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
no need for the flashlight yet
it’s here that our ways must part
final one!
the child pulls up her hood
and quickens her step
oops – sorry – just realised colour can no longer be used!
the little girl pulls up her hood
and quickens her step
the girl in the red mac
quickens her step
she follows a fairy
to sleep
the White Witch arrives
bearing Turkish Delight
a startled fawn
beneath the lamp post
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
they meet a fawn
under the lampost
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
a startled fawn
under the streetlamp
in an old cottage
I leave a sign of being there
along the moon
an expanse of power grids
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
small town gossip
between the neighbours
woopsi!
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
stealing a kiss
in the library
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
a kiss stolen
in the library
my comments notwithstanding, one more
in a brightly-lit bar
two men whisper over drinks
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
Charlie Chaplin stomps
on the kid’s sand castle
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
distraught parents scream
bring back our girls
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
puppets on the wall
play at war
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
early settlers lived here
once upon a time
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
a pack of howling dingos
through the ghost gums
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
ten years is insufficient
for such crimes
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
-Alan Summers
now the acedia of the strip mall
bombards my reticular formation
-Patrick Sweeney
she vacuums up the detritus
of today’s activities
Thank you for your comments John. Very helpful. And I am sorry for cluttering up the renku process with my
many minor variations, but it always seemed there was just one more small change that would make it perfect. I will endeavor to make more choices offline from now on.
thinking of a red wig
during chemo
–Asni Amin
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
Illuminati
still just a rumour
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
sunlight cast
through Venetian blinds
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
the path dimly lit
by fairies’ light
mum changes the ending
of the Grimm’s fairy tale
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
a loud sneeze
from the sidewalk mime
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
a Cheshire Cat purrs
long into the night
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
stagehands out in the alley
grab a quick smoke
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
drops of magic potion
on her eyelids
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
elves and fairies
nestle under every leaf
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadows
Alan Summers
a ghost of fire and smoke
wanders through Europe
Vasile Moldovan
Aalix,
Since you are working on this question of the use of articles, I thought this might be a good time for me to share my own thoughts on the subject, as it relates to renku in English.
In general, I favor natural diction. This will often include the use of articles. If an image can be presented naturally without them, this is an asset in renku, where we generally try to avoid repetition. But the image should not be spoiled by contortions intended to avoid any use of articles.
The key concern is the use of articles to begin a verse. And then, it is only a concern when consecutive verses use the same article. We don’t want the verses to become stanzas or articles on a list: the this, the that, the ebony cat.
PS This is not a concern generally in poetry. I once heard Robert Pinsky read a great poem that was essentially, in its entirety, a long list of things, each preceded by an article.
the faint sound
of an eagle’s cry
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
familiar footsteps
on the staircase
pkay maybe one more bar verse
in a dimly-lit bar
two men whisper over drinks
I am done now
two men
whisper over drinks
this is getting silly
lights over the bar twinkle
as two men whisper over drinks
articles again
lights over the bar twinkle
as two men whisper over drinks
now let us get rid of the articles – I will get this right
two men
whispered over their drinks
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
a cluster of gum nuts
on the eucalyptus
tense again
the lights over the bar twinkle
as the two men whisper over their drinks
oops wrong tense in both
the two men whisper
over their drinks
the two men
whispered over their drinks
the lights over the bar twinkled
as the two men whispered over their drinks
a pocketful of dog treats
for my trip to the pound
they checked into the hotel separately
hoping no one would notice them
they snuck into the hotel together
hoping no one would notice
Pardon me – a correction, please:
thinking of a red wig
during chemo
–Asni Amin
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
breaking through bitumen
a wealth of shattered glass
– Willie
thinking of a red wig
during chemo
–Asni Amin
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
breaking through bituminous
a wealth of shattered glass
– Willie
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
as night falls:
The Wind in the Willows
– Karen Cesar
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
the kids paint
hues of the twilight sun
still homesick
for a place I cannot remember
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
I listen to the
gentle voice of the breeze
a mixed-breed dog sitting
at the end of a dirt road
still homesick
for a place he can’t remember
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
in the forgotten corner
a spiders web remains
totally tangled strings
of our marionettes
he tells the salesclerk a lie
about who the gift is for
wild lies
cover the children’s transgressions
she calls out
to the wild children
a small child bends
to tie a shoe
lounge is used for living room in NZ, so for everyone else
she sits in her living room
as cars drive by her house
our broken TV set
on its way to the dump
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
from hill to hill
the night train’s rumble
OK, skip that! Vintage/Grandmother, highest/mountain. Shucks!
my vintage Barbie doll
not the highest pedigree
she sits in her lounge
as cars drive by her house
dusk at the cemetery
with a half-sack of Molson’s
Just showing my Canadian side
teachers in the library
named for a politician
Sparkling undulations
Hidden fathoms call
she sits in an armchair
and watches cars go by
a lost glove
on the fence post
sitting in an armchair
watching cars go by
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
a red-tailed hawk
races the wind
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
an owl stares at
my loneliness
Personally, I would have chosen batsword’s
a secret remedy
concealed between
folds of velvet
for its hope, for its going forward. As you said, Summer’s “. . . verse intensifies the chill of its predecessor,” and thus either reiterates at the least, or goes backwards at the most.
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
lost glove
on the fence post
the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow
–Alan Summers
deep in the mulch
essential elements