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The Renku Sessions: Jûnicho – Week 7

renkuchainWelcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Seventh Renku Session.

I’m Lorin Ford. I’m your sabaki for this Jûnicho renku.

“The word sabaki means handler or guide. . . . It is pure chance that the German word Führer also translates as guide.” (John Carley, Renku Reckoner)

Please join me in the making of a Jûnicho and in making this collaborative poem an enjoyable experience for all involved.

Some Resources:

John Carley’s ‘Introduction to Renku’.

Renku Home.

THF renku archive here.

 

autumn verse #1, short

A wise man said, somewhere in the thread of the first THF renku, something to the effect that everything in the world is connected in some way, but connection is not the same as linking. Most of the verse offers had the required early or all autumn reference, but some of the linking to the maeku was vague or downright obscure to me. (Granted, each person acting as a sabaki will perceive links differently: what might be obscure to me might be as clear as a hand in front of one’s face to someone else. And vice versa.) I’m aware that this verse called for more than previous verses. A link between our maeku (a ‘love verse’) and an autumn ‘nature verse’ was required. Also, as I let people know early on the thread, I’d be preferring verses that didn’t begin with the subject, as we already have three of such verses in consecutive order. These requirements were on top of the usual avoidance of general repetition and the taboo against returning to the uchikoshi. A big challenge! Kudos to all 23 participants who attempted it. This short verse was harder to conceive, I think, than any of our previous verses and also more difficult for me, when it came to making a selection. Link is often so open to interpretation. These are my top ten, in order of posting, selected with the above requirements in mind. All have merit. All link to our maeku. (Please note: I’ve not included anyone’s ‘grape’ verses that were posted subsequent to that of the first person to use ‘grapes’ in the submissions thread.)

.

between furrows/ the old fox resting                                                       – Carol Jones

* In context of our maeku, that ‘old fox’ might be the marriage celebrant or it might be the groom.

.

lured by fermenting grapes/  a pair of wobbly parrots                      – Simon Hanson

*Nce early autumn reference and a true observation in its literal sense. In context of our maeku, the scenario transfers comically to the just married, and now (it is suggested) celebrating, pair. The presence of alcohol is shown by ‘fermenting grapes’.

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under the tree/ one perfect pear                                                                – Pauline O’Carolan

*Nice early autumn reference and good pun on ‘pair’, linking to the marrying couple.

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oak leaves blush as/  they turn to go                                                         – Michael Henry Lee 

*Nice allusion to the ‘blushing bride’ and, it seems the ‘blushing groom’ too, as they leave for their honeymoon.  On the literal level, the leaves are turning colour before they ‘go’, too.

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along the embankment/  the juiciest of blackberries                           – Andrew Shimield 

*Strolling home, the couple (or the celebrant, no longer in a hurry) find the juiciest blackberries where, I can attest, the best blackberries always are, by a river. Nice early autumn reference and setting of place.

 

not quite ripened/  enough for cider                                                          -Jackie Maugh Robinson

*Beyond the literal, a not quite mature ‘apple of his eye’? Or an observation that the couple are underage?

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hiding the garden gate/ a weave of weeds                                             – Jan Benson 

* Beyond the literal, is this up close and personal? In context of our maeku, by implication, could it be that the bride prefers ‘au naturale’ to ‘Brazilian’?

. 

from somewhere/ the scent of roasted chestnuts                                – Mary Kendall

* If only the ‘somewhere’ wasn’t quite so vague. A place within an outdoor landscape or at least a direction would take this one up a notch.

. 

on the square by the sea  / scent of roasted chestnuts                       – Angiola Inglese

* Links by extension of the maeku’s marriage scene to place. What a terrible shame to be forced  to call a piazza by the far less evocative English word ‘square’ because of renku rules! So much atmosphere is lost. I wanted to change it and would’ve, but considering both ‘chili con carne’ and especially ‘Señora’ in the uchikoshi, I felt I couldn’tI do wonder about some of these renku rules when applied to international haiku.

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which paulownia leaf/ will let go first?                                                     – Sally Biggar

* Our darkest link in terms of mood, in context of our maeku, and done with economy and finesse. Paulownia leaves fall in early autumn, before the leaves of most other deciduous trees and they don’t change to attractive colours first. Each of us, we’re reminded, as well as the pair being wedded, is going to ‘fall off the tree’ sooner or later. “Till death do us part” is still part of traditional marriage vows, though it’s often “more honoured in the breach than the observance.” It took me a very long time to choose between this verse of Sally’s and the verse I finally selected. In the end, my choice was based on mood. I felt that the darker mood evoked so well here might suit a late autumn verse better.

autumn verse #1, short:  On the booze

 

his breath as he whispers
“Señora . . .”

– Liz Ann Winkler

the marriage celebrant
apologizes for not
arriving on time

– Barbara A. Taylor

lured by fermenting grapes
a pair of wobbly parrots

– Simon Hanson

From the feedback on last week’s thread, I discovered that there are other kinds of birds around the world besides the parrot family who’re attracted to fermenting fruit. I know from observation that many kinds of Australian parrots seek out such fruit, get drunk, and yes, act like galahs (one kind of parrot, but also see slang dictionaries for the word’s application to humans) just like people often do when a bit inebriated. Somehow, it’s comical to see these birds acting like people who act like bloody idiots. They do seem to enjoy themselves, though, letting go, interacting playfully and making the most of it. For me, Simon’s verse links to our maeku’s implied couple. The marriage ceremony and its solemnities are over and the pair is having a good time at the reception or subsequent party, getting a bit wobbly. They’re re-contextualized as parrots. The transfer is light and it’s funny. Parrots behaving like people who behave like certain parrots. (Never mind, for now, how the couple and/or the birds might feel the next morning.) Also, unexpectedly but delightfully, we have our ‘alcoholic beverage’ topic covered now, and in a manner I’ve not seen before. And we have our ‘bird’ topic, too. Well done, Simon

Schema

For our Jûnicho , we’ll be following this schema from John Carley’s Renku Reckoner: http://www.darlingtonrichards.com/index.php/updates/renku-reckoner-by-john-carley/

hokku      —    winter moon          (long)

wakiku    —    winter                      (short)

daisan     —    no season                (long)

verse  4   —    no season love       (short)

verse 5   —    no season love       (long)

verse 6   —    autumn                      (short)

  • verse 7 —    autumn                     (long)

verse 8    —    no season                 (short)

verse 9   —    summer flower         (long)

verse 10  —    no season                 (short)

verse 11  —    spring                        (long)

ageku      —    spring                        (short)

 

Verse #7: autumn,

  • is a three-line verse without a cut or turn
  • is our second autumn verse, to be followed by a no-season verse
  • links to the previous verse (the maeku) and shifts completely away from the last-but-one, the uchikoshi
  • is a ‘nature’ verse. Please avoid overt human presence in this verse

 

We’re now halfway through our renku!  Like our maeku, our ‘long’ autumn verse needs to have no overt human presence and to be ‘nature-dominant’. The ‘landscape’ of the verse can have evidence of human traces or artifacts, though. This is our final autumn verse, so use a later seasonal reference for autumn (or ‘all autumn’) and try to suggest a different mood than our maeku does. Avoid religion, birds, animals, fish and preferably, fruit and vegetables, too, for this verse. Remember to take variation of syntax from what we already have into consideration, too. The ABC for this verse: (A) Please use a later autumn or ‘all autumn’ seasonal reference. (B) Link to our short autumn verse (our maeku). (C) Shift from the last-but-one (our uchikoshi). Enjoy the challenge of moving our renku forward into the wide world of other-than-human nature.

 

Submissions:

  • Please use the ‘‘Leave a reply’ box down at the bottom of the thread to submit up to 3 of your long ‘autumn’ verses. (Since the Jûnicho has 12 verses only and we have many participants, a verse by a different person will be selected each time. I hope those with a verse selected will continue to follow our renku as it unfolds. )
  • Please, if you wish to post a revision of any verse you’ve posted previously , use the ‘reply’ function at the bottom of your original post, NOT the submissions box at the bottom of the thread that reads ‘Leave a

Please post your submissions before midnight Monday 26th February, Eastern USA time. (New York time)That’s the deadline. I find the World Clock handy.

Enjoy writing some ‘long’ autumn verses. I look forward to reading everyone’s submissions. The selected long autumn verse and instructions for verse 8 will be posted next Thursday morning: March 1st New York time.

– Lorin

 

 

Our Jûnicho to date

sleigh ride
the road ahead shimmers
in moonlight

    – Marta Chocilowska

softly, how softly
snowflakes fall

    – Kala Ramesh

my life story
between mouthfuls
of chili con carne

    – Lee Nash

his breath as he whispers
“Señora . . .”

    – Liz Ann Winkler

the marriage celebrant
apologizes for not
arriving on time

    – Barbara A. Taylor

lured by fermenting grapes
a pair of wobbly parrots

    – Simon Hanson

 

 

This Post Has 92 Comments

  1. Submissions are now closed. Check back on Thursday for next week’s renku post.
    .
    (I have your ‘lodestone’ verse, Jan)
    .
    – Lorin

  2. lured by fermenting grapes
    a pair of wobbly parrots
    .
    – Simon Hanson
    .
    .
    along the desolate beach
    broken toys
    on an ocean wave

  3. As the Salvation Army sign says at the dismal end of the 1959 film, ‘On the Beach’:
    .
    “There is still time . . .”
    .
    In this case, to get your submissions in for verse 7 (autumn, 3 line verse) 🙂
    .
    – Lorin

  4. attirato dalla fermentazione delle uve
    un paio di pappagalli traballanti
    ——————————————————–

    cheerful
    of the autumn of Vivaldi
    in a gray short day

    the iridescent color
    of the falling leaves
    on my old sweater

    the red of a sunset
    on the last page
    of the calendar

    1. cheerful
      of the autumn of Vivaldi
      in a gray short day
      ======
      ======
      the iridescent color
      of the falling leaves
      on my old sweater
      =====
      =====
      the red of a sunset
      on the last page
      of the calendar

      1. Angiola, re 3. That’d make it a hot summer night, where I am. 🙂
        .
        My point: calendar dates and months will work in Japanese haiku, simply because the world area is restricted. (They are also used in so-called ‘world haiku’ by people who seem to imagine that the shape of this Earth we live on is that of half an orange turned cut side down. 🙂 )
        .
        Calendar can be done in world haiku. A clever example is John Stevenson’s hokku for the THF renku, ‘New Calendar’:
        .
        new calendar —
        a year
        of natural wonders
        .
        That verse shows the New Year, January, but leaves it open to interpretation what season of nature is intended: winter, in the Northern hemisphere or summer, in the Southern hemisphere.
        .
        If the last day of the calendar is December 31st, what season is it? Either summer or winter.
        .
        But we need an autumn seasonal reference here.
        .
        – Lorin

        1. Thanks Lorin, you’re right, I managed to make mistakes again.
          I could try another verse,
          I see if I have time to write something interesting.

    1. Agnes, re 1. It sounds as if blue is the colour of these ‘shrooms’, here. But that coloration happens on the stalks, after bruising, when dried. It might be better to name the variety. There is one that I know of with ‘blue’ in its colloquial (not Latin) name.
      .
      – Lorin

  5. the thistles bow to
    the northern wind
    pleading for mercy

    ***
    a flock of hungry crows
    settle down on
    the autumn ploughing

    1. Flip! just saw the conversation with, Betty – no food stuff preferred.
      Will amend verse 3.

      *

      on the wagon
      a few bales
      of straw

  6. closed windows
    of the kindergarten
    at first cold
    +++++++++++++++++++++++
    the boat pitchs
    opposite the closed door
    of a chalet
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++
    the poster
    of palm trees and sun
    in the frosty fog

  7. lured by fermenting grapes
    a pair of wobbly parrots
    .
    – Simon Hanson
    .
    .
    driftwood
    on a wave’s crest
    along the desolate beach

  8. Simon, your parrots add humor.
    .
    lured by fermenting grapes
    a pair of wobbly parrots
    .
    Simon Hanson
    .
    copycats
    run into a pile
    of cracking leaves
    .
    twirling maple leaf
    on the thread
    of a spider web

  9. Simon, congratulations. I love the tipsy parrots! I’ve long been a fan of your work, and it’s great to see you as part of the renku. Lorin, you are a splendid teacher for all of us. Thanks for that. 🙂 I am honored to have been included in the short list this past week.
    .
    Cheers,
    Mary

    1. Ditto!
      Thanks Mary, indeed our lines have shared many a page and many a journal over the years – i have notice 😊
      all the best
      Simon

  10. Congrats to everyone for the fantastic verses! I love your verse, Simon. What an adorable couple! Very charming. Very witty. Barbara, yours is quite endearing. I imagine your celebrant arriving in a disheveled state and with a very creative excuse for his or her lateness. And Liz, yours is naturally a perfect intro to the love section.
    .
    Thank you very much, Lorin, for your thoughtfulness and generosity. You are sincerely appreciated.

  11. Kudos and thanks to all for such lively, informative discussions.
    Lorin I’m beyond pleased you cited my verse among such worthy favorites. I love the tipsy parrots. Congrats Simon!
    *
    *
    Autumn musings

    hard cold snap
    leaves deciduous woods
    crisper
    ~
    fiery color
    warming grey
    October
    ~
    foggy days
    foreshadowing
    autumn’s end

  12. Since Paul has taken the opportunity to quote from the most recent HSA Bernard Lionel Einbond Renku Collection Awards, I think it’s a good idea to post a link to the website here. (I actually have included it in the ‘Resources’ in the main post since week #2, but it hasn’t gone in. Perhaps John Stevenson is modest. 🙂 )
    .
    http://www.hsa-haiku.org/einbondawards/einbond.htm
    .
    There you will find the winners and runners-up of various renku from 2017 back to 2001. All are longer’ renku, as far as I’ve gone back. None have been composed on an open forum, like we’re doing on the THF Renku Sessions. You’ll note, over the years, the preponderance of certain names, people who have some kind of affiliation and have been practicing renku for quite some time.
    .
    One thing everyone participating in this renku can gain from reading through these renku is the various modes of change, not only in topic, perspective and mood but in the presentation of each new verse, which contributes to variety. This involves variation in grammatical structure.
    .
    You’ll notice that not every verse has a verb, though a verb may be implied. (We’re used to this in haiku) You’ll also notice in verses which do contain verbs, they vary from each other in tense. Those of us coming from haiku, where simple present tense is so often used and beginners have so often been warned about using the continuous / progressive tense (which has been confused by some with the gerund) might be surprised to find that within renku all tenses are possible.
    .
    So I encourage everyone to read through a few of the Einbond winners and runners-up with the specific purpose of noting variations of syntax, of structure.
    .
    It would be best for this long autumn verse if we had variations of verb tense from both simple present (eg. “the marriage celebrant apologizes) and continuous/ progressive (eg. “fermenting grapes. Or no verb at all.
    .
    In a ‘closed’ renku, verses can be changed post-composition or during composition, but we do not have that luxury.
    .
    It’s variety in all things that’s paramount in renku. We need to take variety of syntax, the grammatical structure of our verses into account as well. And that’s essential for this verse.
    .
    – Lorin

  13. Verse 2:

    nothing
    is more desolate
    than an empty nest

    Verse 3:

    will lightning
    strike the rock
    teetering on the cliff’s edge?

  14. ❤️ this verse, Simon. And the commentary on this thread is so insightfully – in the whole renku actually. Really good job, Lorin. I look forward to reading every post and jumping back in once my grandson returns home this next week.
    .
    Cheer all,
    .
    karen

    1. Hi Pauline,
      Only because it’s a short renku, we have only two autumn verses and as far as ‘creatures’ go, we now have birds. If you check out the ‘500 Japanese Season Words’, you’ll see that fish, birds, animals are all included as one general topic, ‘animals’. As for vegetables, I’m not so sure why, just a feeling about what might be best for this renku. We do have chili (in the dish, chili con carne) which is a vegetable, and its season is autumn, but that wouldn’t be an issue in a longer renku. Looking at the verses to come, though, we have:

      verse 8 — no season (short)
      .
      verse 9 — summer flower (long)
      .
      verse 10 — no season (short)
      .
      So this is the last chance for an ‘autumn/ nature’ verse, and it needs to be later than our maeku.
      .
      I feel that for our final autumn verse, it would be good to visit a totally different aspect of nature/ landscape/ view (and there are plenty!) We have parrots attracted to fallen and fermenting fruit in our maeku. In a long renku, such as the Kasen (36 verses) there is room to linger a bit, but with a Junicho (12 verses) we need to ring in more changes from the huge variety of possibilities with each verse, while still linking. I also strongly feel we need, at this stage, a later autumn ‘mood’ and I don’t feel that vegetables would easily convey such a change in mood. What might convey such a change in mood? (We’re considering something close to T.S.Eliot’s ‘objective correlative’ here.)
      .
      I don’t think ‘no vegetables’ is a ‘rule’. I just feel, for variety’s sake, that it might make for a better poem (which the completed renku will be) if the focus wasn’t on vegetables. They’re food for people or animals.
      .
      I may be wrong. But I do know that we need something new (to this renku), a change of mood, change of focus, change of perspective, change of subject, yet linking to our maeku in some way.
      .
      – Lorin

      1. Thank you, Lorin. Well explained as usual, and very helpful. I’ll think more deeply.

        And thank you for shortlisting my verse for Verse 6 – it started today off very well!

        Pauline

      2. Actually, chilis are the fruit of a chili pepper plant just as are tomatoes are fruit…both members of the nightshade family. Vegetables are parts of a plant such as its leaves, stalks, and roots. ☺

        1. 🙂 yes, technically correct, Betty. However, I wasn’t aiming this ‘no vegetables’ preference of mine at botanists. All I intend is a general ‘don’t focus on any stuff used as food for this verse.’
          .
          And that doesn’t include grass (which grazing animals eat) , or leaves (which caterpillars and a host of beetles eat) Or even poisonous or mind-altering mushrooms … etc.
          .
          There are so many things we haven’t visited, so many perspectives in terms of closeness or distance we’ve not touched upon. And nature, as we perceive it, can reflect so many moods.
          .
          – Lorin

  15. Beautiful verse, Simon. Wonderful and educative analysis by Lorin.

    tattered bashoo
    with the breeze in a
    musing way

    *****
    mackerel clouds
    hanging over the
    Fuji mountain

    *****
    tender wind
    cradles the moon
    under the oak tree

    *****

  16. Thank you everyone for your kind comments; they are very much appreciated. There are many fine offerings for this verse along with various comments and wonderings along the way, which all add something unique and contribute to the mood of the party. I will follow the renku with great interest as it unfolds and no doubt continue to enjoy and gain from everyone’s contributions. I so look forward also to the ongoing benefit of Lorin’s insight and reflective guidance – which is something of a bonus for us all to say the least.

  17. Wonderful verse, Simon. I was taught, years ago, that sometimes a stanza can serve as a “following love verse.” It has a Japanese name, I do not recall. Correspondingly, there is a “bringer of love” possible — another long Japanese term applies. Sometimes found in longer forms… kasen = 36 verses. giving room for this. These are subtle things and such a stanza is not considered a love verse. That it can be imagined, just adds to the poetry of the whole poem, the renku [a poem].
    .
    The “pairness” is also a link, I assume.

    That you posed a “pair” is wonderful. The renku “love” here are not about animals. But your part of this completes the love. I do not know parrots in the wild, but they do pair long term do they not? Or at least a season. – Paul

    from Glacial Boulder, the 2017 Einbond renku contest (HSA)

    class clown
    the butt of a joke
    – John Stevenson

    her stage fright
    as she takes it all off
    for a steamy scene
    – Tom Clausen

    falls in love
    with his cooking
    – Hilary Tann


    to the bedroom
    while the sourdough
    rises?
    – Paul MacNeil

    a murmuration
    swirls and swerves

    – Tom Clausen

    the middle three are the love verses … a case can be made, even after the fact, that the outer verses at least hint at love . . . or help complete them. “butt” is used in completely different meaning but is a linking technique to the nudity.

    1. Hi Paul
      .
      Very nice to swap a few lines with you and very pleased you enjoyed the verse.
      I believe that many parrots do form monogamous pairs, certainly we notice this in at home with the same pairs visiting the garden on a regular basis and it is commonly believed that many pair for life. I have also heard of mourning behaviour in one of the pair with the death of the other. Certainly they are characters, with a look of intelligence. A favorite haiku by JW Hackett comes to mind here
      .

      A black jewel
      set in down of the softest blue:
      my parakeet’s eye
      .

      of which he dedicated “In memory of the dear parakeet that made Zazen difficult.”
      .
      Thank you for your comments on the nature of the verse and its place in the renku and I found the examples you include quite illuminating as well as enjoying the allusions (with a smile). I am on a steep learning curve with renku, valuing the process greatly and really appreciate the thoughts of those far more experienced in this genre.
      .
      cheers
      .
      Simon

    2. An nteresting example, Paul, 🙂
      .
      Everyday language is full of metaphor and euphemism. Imagine someone trying to make sense for the first time and out of context, of ‘friendly fire’ for instance. (Clue: It’s not something welcoming that one can warm one’s hands or heart by.) It wouldn’t be hard, though, for someone to figure out ‘butt’ in its colloquial sense from it’s primary meaning: “The thicker end of something, especially a tool or a weapon.” Hence: “North American informal A person’s buttocks or anus. ‘I was being paid to sit on my butt and watch television’.”
      .
      In relation to the transition from John’s “butt of a joke” in the maeku to nakedness in Tom’s tsukeku, “butt” works as a pun but Tom’s link doesn’t rely on that one word only. Being the “butt of a joke” means a person is singled out as the focus of perhaps unwanted and embarrassing attention and this has a connection to ‘her stage fright’.
      .
      Interestingly, ‘a murmuration’ in Tom’s later verse is used in it’s older sense first: ” Medieval Latin murmuratio (“murmuring, grumbling”).” In context of your maeku, we might hear ‘murmuration/ murmuring’ coming from the bedroom. With L2, though, we have ‘murmuration’ as a collective noun with the implied subject of ‘swallows’ (birds), which do swirl and swerve (unlike human murmuration/murmurings).
      .
      Both verses, the first love verse and the verse following the last love verse in your example, link well to their maeku. (Interesting to note that both are written by Tom Clausen.) Whatever might be intended by “bringer of love” and “following love verse”, I haven’t got a clue. (All I can think of is that the terms might serve to alert participants, in a flowery sort of way, that 1. the next verse will be a first love verse, so bear that in mind while writing the “bringer of love” verse . . . but a confusing way of putting it . . .and 2. the ‘following love verse” is the verse that follows the final love verse and needs to link to the final love verse without being a love verse. (Which is kind of obvious, I would’ve thought. ) I don’t think we need these terms.
      .
      What I do see is that once we understand that ‘link’ between maeku & tsukeku is paramount, various ways to link to maeku verses can be found.
      .

      Yes, ‘pair’ in Simon’s verse links to the human couple in the love verse just as Tom Clausen’s ‘murmuration’ links to what might be heard from ‘the bedroom’. Interesting that both of these verses involve birds, though in very different ways.
      .
      – Lorin

      1. Thanks, Lorin. Interesting discussion. That renku was written live.
        .
        All I can tell Lorin, is that the Japanese renku masters have words for the bringer and follower of love. It may have been the late master Shinku Fukuda. Sometime the use is deliberate in English with my various partners, sometimes not, or an accident. I wasn’t suggesting it as a thing for our renku. I just saw it in Simon’s stanza.

        .
        Most groups I have known are very happy with multiple ways of linkage. Always a plus.
        .
        Tom’s “murmuration,” I recall was not only for the sound of a flock of birds (the root meaning of the word), but the swirling takeoff, the look of such a flock. Starlings, for example in a farm field, change shapes like a school of minnows. This way and that — movement, an additional way to link. Upward like the bread rising, and perhaps the movement of lovers ? Tom is a wonderful renku player, and proven in haiku as well.

        .

        1. “… “murmuration,” I recall was not only for the sound of a flock of birds (the root meaning of the word),. . . ” – Paul
          .
          Paul, the root meaning of ‘murmuration’ has nothing to do with the sound of birds (as I pointed out, above). It simply means ‘a murmuring’ which can be squabbling sounds or otherwise and comes from the Latin. The ‘term of venery’ (& note: ‘venery’, here, has naught to do with Venus or ‘sexual indulgence’, from which we get ‘venereal’.) ‘Terms of venery’ came much later, many of them indulgences of the well-to-do (or “nothing-better -to- do”, or “chattering”) classes.
          .
          “The tradition of using “terms of venery” or “nouns of assembly”, collective nouns that are specific to certain kinds of animals, stems from an English hunting tradition of the Late Middle Ages. The fashion of a consciously developed hunting language came to England from France. It was marked by an extensive proliferation of specialist vocabulary, applying different names to the same feature in different animals. The elements can be shown to have already been part of French and English hunting terminology by the beginning of the 14th century. In the course of the 14th century, it became a courtly fashion to extend the vocabulary, and by the 15th century, the tendency had reached exaggerated proportions.”
          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_noun
          .
          ‘a murmuration of starlings’ is a collective noun for a flock of starlings. Many collective nouns were created by old boys at their ‘gentlemen’s clubs’, after a few glasses of port too many. “I say, Sir Basil, how about ‘a parliament of owls’?” “Jolly good, old chum. What do you think of ‘ a pandemonium of parrots? ” “Good one, Roger. More port, Jeeves.”
          .
          “Even in their original context of medieval venery, the terms were of the nature of kennings, intended as a mark of erudition of the gentlemen able to use them correctly rather than for practical communication.[8] The popularity of the terms in the modern period has resulted in the addition of numerous lighthearted, humorous or facetious[9] collective nouns.”
          .
          I think it was a brilliant idea of Tom C.’s to use ‘murmuration’ without a subject. That way, we have the original (or root) meaning of the words as sounds. . . nothing whatsoever to do with birds but linking via sounds imagined as coming from behind closed doors in the bedroom in your maeku. When L2 is added, the meaning of the word is re-contextualized (since ‘murmurations/ murmers’ are sounds . . . not specifically related to any group of birds or anything else. ) By L2, we understand there’s a missing/ implied subject (the collective noun, “a murmuration of starlings”) which does ‘swirl and swerve’. Between L1 & L2, if we recognise the missing part of the collective noun, we leave the ‘human’ & ‘love’ verse as ‘murmuration’ is transformed from sound to the pattern and movement of starlings. (not swallows as mistakenly said earlier). These transition verses between no-season ‘love’ verses & ‘nature’ verses are, I believe, harder to do well than other transitions. Tom C. made the transition very well in the verse you show us, and Simon did it well in the verse we now need to link to. (Not a trace of ‘love’ should remain in our current tsukeku.)
          .
          By chance, I’ve be re-watching the first ‘season’ of a USA tv film series, ‘True Detective’. (Interesting accents and language usage, among other things. ) In one episode, there’s a (slightly technically altered) use of a visual ‘murmuration of starlings’ that works very well as a visual link to the plot in that. A sign in the sky over the flat-lands of Louisiana.
          .
          – Lorin

  18. spiraling
    and swirling leaves
    in a fence corner
    .
    .
    .
    [w/ apology to Ajaya. I was drafting this hours ago and just now read your offerings about autumn wind. I didn’t adopt your idea.]

    .

  19. Jolly Good Simon
    **************
    bare trees
    scratch the surface
    of a monochrome sky
    ***************
    shorter days
    for the scarecrow
    in a fallow field
    **************
    store mannequins
    modeling parkas
    and mittens
    mittens

  20. passing clouds
    have such long shadows
    as they pass

    with each gust of wind
    leaves fall
    in hundreds

    the leaf bed
    getting thicker
    with each gust of wind

  21. Wonderful verse, Simon, loved it from the first viewing, made me smile.
    Great choice, Lorin.
    Many thanks for including my verse in your selection 🙂

  22. A wonderful choice, Lorin. When I first read it, I thought Simon’s verse was a perfect link. If I had to ‘lose out’ to someone’s verse, I’m delighted it was his. Brilliant, Simon. And thanks, Lorin, for even considering mine. Your analysis and reasoning are always insightful, and so educational.

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