Renku Sessions

The Renku Sessions: Jûnicho – Week 2

renkuchainWelcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Seventh Renku Session.

I’m Lorin Ford. I’m your sabaki for this Jûnicho renku.

“The word sabaki means handler or guide.  . . . It is pure chance that the German word Führer also translates as guide.” (John Carley, Renku Reckoner)

Please join me in the making of a Jûnicho and in making this collaborative poem an enjoyable experience for all involved.

Some Resources:

John Carley’s ‘Introduction to Renku’.

Renku Home.

THF renku archive here.

 

We’re off and running!

There was an avalanche of hokku submissions! My thanks to all. Fifty renkujin (renku poets) submitted up to 3 hokku each. I’ve counted a rough total of 120 verses! I’ve wished I was compiling a ‘Winter Moon’ haiku anthology rather than selecting just one hokku for our 12 verse renku. My first ‘shortlist’ was very long. There were some delightful ‘wild cards’, for example:

snowy yard/our house shadow/followed by moonlight           – Paul Macneil

(Haunting. A sense of mystery combined with visual clarity. Essential stillness in a quiet observation of movement over time.)

.

moonset . . ./an icicle lengthens/letters home                            – Betty Shropshire

(Cold stillness, solitude and isolation. Loneliness and heart-warmth in long letters to distant ‘home’.)

.

snowball fight…/the amount of times/I crumple the moon    – Praniti Gulyani

(An energetic play-fight. Action! Awareness in the keeping track of a running total of times the moon is ‘crumpled’ along with snow into one quick snowball after another. A fresh and lively take on the topic.)

 

My Top Ten

But I wanted a more traditional beginning, one with an implied/metaphorical, auspicious greeting or reference to the company about to begin this renku. Among the hokku submissions that fulfilled all requirements were these, my final shortlist of 10 (in order of post date and time). Any one of these would give this renku a good start, each in its different way:

.

sleigh ride/the road ahead shimmers/in moonlight                   – Marta Chocilowska

.

snow moon…/a porchlight gathering /footprints                        – Brendon Kent

.

the last guest/takes off his boots —/snow moon                       – Susan Constable

.

snowbound-/a moonshine glow/on every face                           – Carol Jones

.

cold moon —/a mug of mulled wine/greets each guest          -Judt Shrode

.

tiny moons/dance in hot chocolate—/a pile of ice skates        – Agnes Eva Savich

.

moonrise/a pack of wolves/begins its pursuit                              – Polona Oblak

.

opening the door/to an unexpected guest –/winter moon    – Sandra Simpson

.

such a gathering/the moon lighting icicles/under the eaves – Simon Hanson

.

a sparkler/lit with another…/full wolf moon                                 – Tzetzka Ilieva

.

The Road Taken: Our Hokku

sleigh ride
the road ahead shimmers
in moonlight

– Marta Chocilowska

 

This hokku has continued to enchant me since I first read it. Sleigh rides (kulig) in Poland have a long history of tradition and to this day are a celebratory outing for locals and tourists alike. Thank you, Marta, for taking me there. I can imagine being on this moonlit sleigh ride, gliding through the countryside, all rugged up and warm in the fresh open air, seeing the white breath of the sturdy little horses, hearing the muffled sound of their hoof beats in the snow, the sounds of their well-polished harness ,tinkling harness bells and a snort now and then. I imagine chatting sometimes with my fellow passengers as we glide through the crisp air and the indescribable scent of snow, but mostly just feeling the exhilaration and excitement of being there. And the anticipation! What lies ahead on this shimmering road of snow?

Metaphorically, it’s the rest of our renku that lies ahead. Marta Chocilowska’s hokku invites us all along for the ride. Very nicely done, Marta.

(Note:  L3 of Marta’s hokku as given was “in the moonlight”. I’ve taken the liberty of editing out this 2nd definite article.)

 

Call for Wakiku

For our Jûnicho , we’ll be following this schema from John Carley’s Renku Reckoner:

hokku         —    winter moon  (long verse)

  • wakiku —    winter                    (short)

daisan        —    no season               (long)

verse 4        —    no season love      (short)

verse 5       —    no season love      (long)

verse 6        —    autumn                   (short)

verse 7        —    autumn                   (long)

verse 8        —    no season               (short)

verse 9        —    summer flower    (long)

verse 10     —    no season               (short)

verse 11     —    spring                       (long)

ageku          —    spring                       (short)

 

The Wakiku

  • is a two-line verse without a cut or turn. It is not like a two-line haiku. It ‘runs on’.
  • links strongly/ closely to the hokku, supports or ‘buttresses’ the hokku and brings a new perspective.
  • this wakiku will have a winter reference or kigo, as does our hokku. It needs to have a different winter reference or kigo than our hokku.

Linking

The link is the connection or relationship between any current given verse (maeku) and following verse (tsukeku), in this case between hokku and wakiku. There are many traditional ways of linking. For an overview, see sub-header ‘Link—Principles of Relation’ in the essay ‘LINK AND SHIFT—A Practical Guide to Renku’ Composition’ by Tadashi Shôkan Kondô and William J. Higginson.

But nb. If your wakiku responds to the hokku from a sense of ‘being there’ in the world of our hokku, with empathy and goodwill and bringing something new, you’ll most likely have created a good link anyway.

The hokku, having no previous verse to link to, must ‘stand alone’, must be complete in itself like a haiku. But within renku, the hokku is not intended to stand isolated for long. The hokku calls for a response. The wakiku responds to the call. The wakiku confirms the hokku in some way. The wakiku does not contradict or challenge the hokku. It brings a new perspective whilst being harmonious, supportive or complementary in relation to the hokku.

Historically, the hokku was written by the most important guest, (i.e. usually, the Renku Master) and the wakiku was written by the host (i.e. the one who supplies the venue, the snacks and the booze.) Only when we have the hokku and wakiku in place can we say the renku party has truly begun.

(As for shift in renku: the daisan, the 3rd verse, is the first verse that can really be said to utilise shift. We go there next week.)

 

Wakiku submissions

  • Please use the ‘‘Leave a reply’ box down at the bottom of the thread to submit up to 3 of your winter wakiku for consideration. (Since the Jûnicho has 12 verses only and we have many participants, a verse by a different person will be selected each time. I hope that those with a verse selected will continue to follow our renku as it unfolds. )
  • Please, if you wish to post a revision of any verse you’ve posted previously , use the ‘reply’ function at the bottom of your original post, NOT the submissions box at the bottom of the thread that reads ‘Leave a reply’.

Please post your submissions before midnight Monday 22nd January, Eastern USA time. (New York time)That’s the deadline. I find the World Clock handy.

Happy writing! I look forward to reading everyone’s wakiku submissions. The selected wakiku and instructions for verse 3, the daisan, will be posted next Thursday morning: January 25th, New York time.

– Lorin

 

Our Jûnicho to date

sleigh ride
the road ahead shimmers
in moonlight

– Marta Chocilowska

 

This Post Has 166 Comments

  2. Congratulations Marta. ‘Shimmers’ paints the perfect image in this lovely hokku.

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    **
    frolicsome white kits
    shushing down snowdrifts
    *
    frozen pond reflecting
    snow laden pines
    *
    snow falls white
    on snowy owl wings

    1. UH-OH!!!!!!!!!!

      “…before midnight Monday 22nd January,
      EASTERN USA TIME . (New York time) That’s the deadline.
      I find the World Clock handy.”

      I find reading guidelines in their ENTIRETY prevents embarrassment! Please excuse the past due submit, Lorin. I’m so used to Pacific Time deadlines.

      1. Never mind, Jackie. 🙂 I have to use the World Clock, too, as my time zone here in Eastern Australia is currently 20 hours ahead of New York time. I have to make a selection and get the next post written up and in to John in time for him to post it, each time.
        .

        See you next time.
        .
        cheers,

        Lorin

  3. Great choice Lorin!☺
    Congratulations Marta!
    I’ll sit this one out and see you on the daisan as I haven’t got anything suitable for this position yet…and time is against me!☺

    1. Thanks, Brendon .:-)

      Yes, time is getting short now. We have so many good wakiku offers, too. See you next time.
      .
      – Lorin

  5. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    .

    the night tinkles
    with hoar frost geometry

    1. Welcome, Nimi. 🙂 I hope you’ll enjoy participating in this renku.
      .
      I can’t consider this verse of yours, though, because it doesn’t have a winter seasonal reference. I understand you’re associating Christmas with sleigh rides, but Christmas falls on a calendar date, December 25th, which is celebrated the world over. When it’s winter in the Northern hemisphere, it’s summer in the Southern hemisphere. We have participants from both. I’d want a clear winter reference.
      .
      – Lorin

      1. Thanks for the explanation, Lorin. Honestly, I am still trying to get a hang of this, so just trying and getting a response is big for me.

        Thanks again,
        Nimi

  7. Congratulations Marta–lovely

    our snow prints
    interlacing

    *

    chimney smoke
    curls closer

    *
    warm woosh
    of downhill slopes

  8. Marta
    A Beautiful, and challenging hokku, for those who know not the joys of sleighs.
    .
    .
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    our horse shrugs the reins
    as the snow starts to drift
    .
    we sip on hot cider
    and brace for cold winds
    .
    a billowing white smoke
    as we near winter’s bonfire
    .
    .
    Jan Benson
    USA
    .

    1. Lorin,
      Correction.
      Can’t have two “the” in one verse, I’m thinking.
      .
      .
      our horse shrugs the reins
      as snow starts to drift
      .
      Jan Benson
      USA

  10. Marta, your hokku reminds me of my dream (as a child) to ride on a sleigh. It came true when I lived in snowcovered Mackinac Island, Michigan.
    .
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    -Marta Chocilowska
    .
    horses shake off snow
    on arrival

    1. Drat, Lorin, missed out the word ‘warm’ to describe the blast! Probably not enough to suggest winter in any case…

  12. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    ***
    an eiderdown
    tucked under knobbly knees
    ***
    in bitter air,
    the horses’ muscles flexing
    ***
    ours the only noise
    in a still winter world

  13. .
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    warm against the frost
    a nip from grandfather’s flask
    .

  14. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    a turf smoke welcome
    from the cottage chimney

  15. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    **
    at the crossroad
    a bare tree shows the way

  16. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    .

    pockets of frosty air
    mingled with pine scent

  17. My 2nd and 3rd, Lorin.
    .
    the aroma of borscht
    when we open the door
    .
    sticking out her tongue
    to catch a snowflake

  18. Hi Lorin,

    Please disregard my first verse, my corrected verse:-

    the night wind moan
    through empty boughs

  19. Congratulations again Marta, lovely verse.

    ***

    through empty boughs
    the night wind moans

    ****

    hard at work the arborist
    pruning bare trees

    ****

    emerging from the fog
    a red beanie walking a dog

    ****

  20. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    would you care for
    some hot buttered rum?

  24. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    first frozen flakes
    thinking of my far away daughter

  25. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    the cold smiles
    of strangers passing by

  27. Complimenti a Marta!Queste le mie proposte

    :

    the baker’s bicycle crosses
    a village asleep in the frost
    ————————————–
    on the edge of the pond
    a sunrise of silver skates
    ————————————–
    on the surface of the pond
    opaque traces of ice skates

  28. Lovely verse, Marta. A wonderful beginning.
    .

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    a wayside inn
    with a swinging sign

  29. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    Marta
    .
    .
    scents of evergreen
    and freshly fallen snow

  30. Congrats Marta for the lovely hokku and Lorin, for the great selection!
    I was late here as usual for the hokku, but here are my three candidates for the second verse. One of them is very similar to Lyn Reeves, but found it out just now as I was about to post. So I’m going with it anyway.
    *****
    the silence of snow
    ten inches deep
    *****
    the Santa in the doorway
    blowing kisses
    *****
    a different sound of wind
    in the frozen pines

      2. Oh my! Never read it before, but it feels good to know I, too, can think like Wallace Stevens 😀

  33. our host waits in the snow
    with open arms
    …
    Thomas cracks his whip
    and snow slips from the firs
    …
    Are we there yet?
    as she brushes away snowflakes

  34. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    – Marta Chociłowska
    **
    who-who-whooo before
    and after snowshoe hares
    – Betty Shropshire

  35. ash from chimneys
    falling on snow
    ****
    the village aglow
    around the next bend
    ****
    the smell of chestnuts
    hang in the air

  36. Congratulations Marta
    Lovely beginning Lorin
    Not sure if I the right idea but …
    ——————-
    a wolf’s shadow
    crosses our path

  37. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    snippets of song carry
    from across the frozen field

  38. A Wonderful hokku and commentary, congratulations to you both 🙂

    .
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    .

    with a perfect triple axel
    the crowd goes wild

    .

    Ron C. Moss

  41. To All: Do check out Paul Macneil’s informative response to my response to Terri French’s “stars”, further down on the thread.
    .
    ” Each of the season doubles will be distinct except for the seasonality. Renku variety yields NO narrative, no story-telling. ” – Paul
    .
    Yet I must add (in case anyone gets confused about “topic”) as far as the wakiku goes, whilst we need a different winter reference than the hokku has and a new perspective the wakiku doesn’t leap away from the world of the hokku. This is the reason I gave a classic example of a hokku & wakiku pair:
    .
    in town
    the smell of things
    summer moon – Boncho
    .
    it’s hot it’s hot
    at each portal the sigh – Basho
    .

    – Lorin

  42. in the morning so cold
    smell of calycantus
    =======================
    in the theater foyer
    chocolate with cream
    =======================
    in the snowy forest
    the tail of a fox
    =======================

  43. the deep most vale resounds
    under the jar of avalanche

    ***
    today even the snowman
    wears sun glasses

  44. Your verse is beautiful, Marta — magical.

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    ————————————-
    scintillas of snow
    under the horses’ hooves

  45. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    deer prints
    make a snow necklace

    the vanishing cloud
    of a pony’s breath

  47. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    -Marta Chocilowska
    .
    village shops
    lightly dusted with snow

  50. 1. we slide downhill
    past snow-laden cedars

    2. a clump of snowdrops
    rise from the earth

    3. a cup of hot cider
    waits by the fire

    1. whoops
      ***
      rose colored cheeks
      wrapped in furry hoods
      ****
      a snowy owl
      swoops close for a look

  52. This is my first time at this so not sure I’m quite getting it, but I’ll give it a go.

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    __________

    the joyous sound of carols
    carried on the wind

    * * * * *

    eyelashes frosted
    with fresh snow

    * * * * *

    anticipating the scent
    of hot cocoa

    1. Welcome, Robin. You seem to have got the gist of it. 🙂
      .
      Just one point re ‘carols’: in an international renku which includes the whole globe, ‘carols’ is not a winter reference, since Christmas occurs on a world-wide calendar date in December, and may be in winter or summer, depending on hemisphere. The same goes for all calendar dates. . . Easter, Mothers’ Day etc.
      .
      – Lorin

        1. Robin, I should add: of course ‘carols’ & Christmas etc. can be used in international renku. It’s just that they don’t act as season indicators or kigo. Another season reference would need to be included in the verse, to show ‘winter’ or ‘summer’.
          .
          On a local level, many might gasp, “O, but that’d be a case of the dreaded ‘double kigo”! My view is that in context of an inclusive ‘world renku’, it simply makes sense. ‘Double kigo’ for some, not for others. The important thing, for a season verse, is that the season is indicated, not whether a word or phrase is listed in a saijiki/ season word list (Japanese or otherwise) or not.
          .
          – Lorin

  53. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    – Marta Chociłowska
    ***
    just a touch of arthritis
    a cold crow caws, too
    – Bett Shropshire

  55. take two:
    .
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    hoofprints, paw prints
    crisscross the frozen lake

    1. hi giselle,
      .
      please allow me a few words about your offer (i don’t think Lorin will mind).
      .
      yours is a lovely verse but it esentially repeats the contents of the hokku. however, in renku composition one of the key principles is to always move forward which means repetition of any topic or context is to be avoided.
      in a short renku like this 12 verse junicho the moon can appear only once, and in this case it was the hokku. That means no more moon – or any other celestial bodies – anywhere else in this renku.

      If you scroll down this comment thread you will find Lorin’s informative post about variety in renku.
      it also helps to read the introduction where Lorin has provided clear instructions regarding the requirements for the next verse as well as wealth of links to various relevant resources.
      i hope this was helpful.
      happy writing!
      polona

      1. dear Polona,

        Thank you, i agree with your comments,
        i sent 3 other possibilities, see above.

        Giselle Maya

    1. Welcome, Giselle. 🙂 I think you’ll enjoy renku once you getthe hang of it.
      .
      I’m just out of bed, 6:i5 am my time. I see that Polona has steered you in the right direction. I’ve nothing to add. Thanks, Polona. 🙂
      .
      Also, at the bottom of my main post for this week, under the Twitter, Facebook etc. symbols, you’ll find the link ‘Renku Sessions’. If you click that at any time over the course of this renku you’ll find the previous posts including calls for verses and comments threads…at this stage there’s just the first, ‘call for hokku’.
      .
      – Lorin

  58. To All: just a sideline for those who might be interested. Monkey’s Raincoat is probably Basho’s most famous published work. I imagine there are many translations. The one I managed to get, 2nd hand, is translated by Maeda Cana. It doesn’t have the original Japanese, just English translations. It contains 3 Kasen (36 verse) renku. The 2nd Kasen, ‘Summer Moon’, begins with a summer moon verse. (I happen to have just out out of a cold bath, feeling somewhat refreshed, on a very hot summer evening.)
    .
    I thought it might be of interest if I showed you the hokku & wakiku:
    .

    in town
    the smell of things
    summer moon – Boncho
    .
    it’s hot it’s hot
    at each portal the sigh – Basho
    .
    Note how Basho’s wakiku stays with Boncho’s ‘in town’, confirms ‘place’ and a hot summer night, but adds a different perspective, moving from ‘the smell of things’ to hearing what people are saying from within their small front yards as the two (in their imaginations or from memory) walk by.
    .
    We have 5 traditionally recognised senses: sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. We also have ‘gut feelings’, intuition and bodily sensations. As in haiku, each of these ways of perceiving will give a different kind of perspective to a renku verse.
    .
    – Lorin

    1. um… ‘Monkey’s Raincoat contains four Kasen renku, not 3. Duh. (I blame the brain-frying heat)
      .
      – Lorin

  59. A beautiful hokku, Marta. Congratulations! Thank you, Lorin for a brilliant beginning.

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    *
    on the first snow
    the toddler leaves her footprints

    *
    holding a winter chrysanthemum
    the village woman dreams her next year gift

  60. .

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    .

    softly, how softly
    snowflakes fall

    __

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    .
    winter morning sound
    of cosmic aum

    ___

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .

    she traces the curve
    with frozen fingertips

    .

    1. Welcome, Kala. 🙂 I hope this renku will be an interesting ride for you, too. One thing I’m sure of: it’ll be a more relaxed one for you. 🙂
      .
      – Lorin

        1. Yep. 🙂 Never mind, Judt. Try again.
          .
          To All: Judt’s realization is a good reminder to everyone. Offering a diamond can be taken as something that accompanies a marriage proposal, and we have 3 verses in this renku earmarked as ‘love’ verses, a pair of them soon. It’s a good idea to check out the schema.
          .
          – Lorin

  62. Congratulations, Marta.
    Lovely choice, Lorin.
    I just couldn’t make it in time for the hokku :((

  63. To All
    .
    I’ve left notes to Terri & Simon regarding ‘stars’ in wakiku offers. I should let everyone know that we can’t have ‘stars’ or any other ‘Heavenly Body’ in this short, 12 verse renku. Check out the brief lists of categories and topics, towards the bottom of ‘LINK AND SHIFT—A Practical Guide to Renku’ Composition’ (link up in my main post above this thread)
    .

    Better William Higginson’s words than mine:
    .
    ““In classical renga there were long lists of topics and materials, specific words even, which had to be separated by at least so many verses before they could repeat, or could only appear so many times in a given renga. But as these lists were handed down from the renga tradition with one hundred verses or more per poem, they would require a strict reinterpretation for the kasen form to avoid excessive repetition. In a kasen most groups allow only one appearance of any of these topics or materials, but they try to include all of these in a single kasen, or at least to make sure that each of the groups is represented.”
    .
    A Kasen renku is 36 verses long, and our Junicho only 12 verses, so I think stars and other ‘Heavenly Bodies’ (including sun, comets, meteors and satellites) would be best left out altogether. Even in a hundred verse renku, there would be a spacious separation between a moon verse and a star verse.
    .
    And as a ps for later: we won’t have another transport vehicle after ‘sleigh’. Nothing that would impede the ever-forward flow of a renku.
    .
    Variety is the key to renku. It used to be called the ‘1,001 things’. 🙂
    .
    – Lorin

  64. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    .

    to the tinkle of bells
    the icy twinkle of stars

    1. Simon, please see my note to Terri, below on this thread.
      .
      I’m sorry, but we can’t have ‘stars’ in the wakiku. You’re welcome to subsitute another wakiku for this one. Will post an explanation above.
      .
      – Lorin
      .

      1. Thanks Lorin
        As usual your explanations are very clear and helful and i am enjoying the learning process. I appreciate the guidance. Cheers

  65. A beautiful hokku, Marta. Congratulations! Glad I ‘hit the right buttons’, Lorin. Thanks!
    .
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    singing our way
    through a winter wonderland
    .

  66. Gorgeous hokku Marta
    .

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    .

    ski lodge windows
    sparkled by dawn

  67. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    – Marta Chociłowska
    ***
    that skater, too,
    lands a triple axel
    – Betty Shropshire

  68. (Congratulations, Marta!)

    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    the crunch of snow
    from house to barn

    or

    snowflakes falling
    from the stars

    2. Welcome, Terri. Good to have you with us. 🙂
      .
      There’s something I haven’t mentioned (well, actually, there’s a lot I haven’t mentioned!) in these introductions. So I’ll make a short post for all on this thread re ‘topics’ & ‘categories’ and what, in renku’, is referred to as ‘minimum separation’.
      .
      re your
      .
      snowflakes falling
      from the stars
      .
      I’m sorry, we can’t have ‘stars’ in the wakiku.
      There is a category titled ‘Heavenly Bodies’. We have the moon (well, we have ‘moonlight’, which implies a moon) in the hokku. In a long renku, 100 verses or 36 verses, there would be quite a number of verses before a ‘heavenly body’ could be mentioned again. In a short, 12 verse renku, it’d be best to avoid stars, meteors, comets & sun in any of the verses.
      .
      You’re welcome to scratch this one and replace it with another wakiku.
      .
      – Lorin

      1. I certainly agree, Lorin, on only one moon/celestial in a 12-stanza renku. But new folks should know the tradition of 2 moons in a 20 verse structure, and 3 in a 36 (kasen). Well-spaced. BUT, since variety is King in renku, each of the other moons is to be different. Different season and different aspect. Variety. Also a kasen has two blossom verses, with variety. Usually both Spring. And two instances of love verses, two or three together, and each love group has a different aspect.
        .
        In the shorter forms, each stanza is and must be different in not only aspect, but in the topic itself.
        .
        The John Carley form you are using only repeats seasons in pairs (except summer is singular). And with multiple loves. Each of the season doubles will be distinct except for the seasonality. Renku variety yields NO narrative, no story-telling. Since we began in winter, this junicho has 7 season verses. Ordinarily it would be 6 … a balance with non-seasonal… winter would be only singular. Things can be flexible. The published renku by Basho, and by Buson, are not always exactly balanced, but tend toward equivalent season and non-. So much depends on translation as Lorin experiences in studying the Masters. We do the best we can in our language, and in our own time.
        .
        Off to a flying start!

        1. Excellent, Paul. Thanks for this and I’ll post a note directing the company down to it.
          .
          “Since we began in winter, this junicho has 7 season verses. Ordinarily it would be 6 … a balance with non-seasonal… winter would be only singular. Things can be flexible. ”
          .
          Yes, the Junicho has a certain flexibility compared with other renku. Which is just as well, as it makes for a variety of different possible approaches. In the brief “Practical Guidelines for the Jûnichô Renku Form’, Seijo Okamoto gives compositional wriggle room re ‘balance of season & non-season verses’ with her deliberate and repeated “about”:
          .
          “About two love stanzas, in any position. About half the verses will be seasonal (a pair each for spring and autumn, one each summer and winter), and half non-seasonal, in a flexible order. About half with human focus, the rest on places, animals, plants, and the like. ”
          .
          – Lorin

    2. Hey, Sandra. . . I’ve written a note to Robin re ‘carols’ further up the thread.
      .
      But your ‘words. . .wreathing’ here (implying white breath in the cold) is good. . . a subtle way of showing winter in relation to Marta’s hokku.
      .
      – Lorin

  71. sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight

    at the hostel a warm supper
    greets us and the dogs

  73. Congratulations, Marta! I really enjoy your hokku. Such an enchanting and exciting verse. It’s quite special. And on another note- I love your profile pic.
    *
    Your commentary is an absolute joy to read, Lorin! It’s so insightful, educational, and charming. Your description of the sleigh ride is perfection, and your enthusiasm for renku is contagious. So glad to see you leading this one.
    .
    .
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    -Marta Chocilowska
    .
    .
    a snow-covered schoolhouse
    tucked among the pines

      1. You’re most welcome, Marta. And thanks for telling me about Romek. I adore cats. Have two of them! Thanks for the warm wishes, and the same to you. Take care.

      1. Thanks so much, Lorin. Looking forward to it. And thanks for all your great advice along the way.

  74. a wonderful choice!
    i think Martha’s hokku has all it needs to take us on this journey.
    *
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    grandchildren’s giggles
    from under the eiderdown

      1. Wow, Polona, we certainly share a mindset here! After composing, I checked the other entries (as Lorin cautioned me to do)…and there was your ‘children at bedtime’ verse. I love it. Here’s mine 🙂
        .
        .
        little ones fresh from the bath
        bundled in fleece pajamas

        1. well, yes, the same starting point will certainly prompt similar ideas, and nothing wrong with that! i like your verse, Judt, and think it is different enough from mine to be in the running 🙂

  76. Congratulations Marta well done
    **************************
    colder than we
    can recall in years
    *****************
    heading south
    the geese fly on ahead
    ********************
    the horses’ breath in
    copious plumes

  77. Congratulations, Marta, a very exciting start to the session, a wonderful vision.
    A great start, Lorin I love the exhilaration of your write up, to Marta’s verse.

    +
    Thank you so much for including one of my verse for your short list, I feel so proud :):)

  78. Thank you so much Lorin, your beautiful comment, your imagination, your joyful delight and the description of sleigh ride, are gorgeous! Thank you for choice of my hokku and for editing “the”.
    Marta

  79. What a wonderful start to our party from Marta! So many great hokku to choose from, Lorin.
    .
    sleigh ride
    the road ahead shimmers
    in moonlight
    .
    feathers and sequins abound
    at tonight’s masked ball
    .

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