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The Renku Sessions: Junicho verse #7

renku_300

I’m Sandra Simpson, and I will serve as your guide as we compose a 12-verse junicho (june-ee-cho, as in choke).

Well, here we are everyone – halfway through our junicho. I hope it’s been fun so far. Thank you to all those submitting candidate verses. Among those I liked were:

dogwood blossoms
ragged in the rain

– Paul MacNeil

forget-me-not print
on her billowing skirt

– Judt Shrode

the neighbor’s dogwood
goes where he pleases

– Michael Henry Lee

not caring about passwords
after dandelion mead

– Peg Duthie

sunbathing nude
hidden by wisteria

– Judt Shrode

the locked-out librarian
learns lots about lilacs

– Marilyn Potter

a dry snowdrop
on the Apache’s tongue

– Patrick Sweeney

(I did wonder if Patrick was playing a little game and the link was “missing key” as in I don’t have the key to unlock the literal sense of this. But I like it all the same.)

A sense of fun also from Barbara A Taylor who used a musical key:

beneath the magnolia
an out of tune serenade

Chosen for verse #6 is:

and a pot of daffodils
at the end of the rainbow

– Marion Clarke

Marion has cleverly moved us right away from problematical keys, gates and passwords – which could be seen as being too close to the Banksy verse we are shifting away from (remember that walls or a wall underpins that verse) and remembered to not foreshadow our love verses.

I’d like to compliment Marion on dropping in a “pot of gold” verse on St Patrick’s day this week and for also tipping her hat to dear old William Wordsworth whose poem “The Daffodils” must be one of the springiest flower poems of all time. Beside the lake, beneath the trees, fluttering and dancing in the breeze …

I have added an “and” at the start of the verse (and inverted Marion’s lines) to provide a change in rhythm and a pairing with the previous verse but will keep it this way only with her permission. The “and” provides a bridge between this verse and the one before, but it can also be read as “a pot of gold and a pot of daffodils” (but wait, there’s more …).

What comes next – verse #7 is:

  • A 3-line verse that is not cut.
  • A no-season love verse – John Carley wrote in his superb Introduction to Renku that love verses should only deal with those relationships that find sexual expression (but are not pornographic, nor coarse) so are not about children or pets. This is the first of a pair of love verses so could usefully deal with new love leaving mature love for the poet who follows. This is not to say we’re dealing only with young people and old people, but maybe newer relationships and older relationships.
  • A verse that links to verse 6 but shifts away from verse 5 – in tone, setting, construction, etc. So please make this an indoor verse, we’ve spent enough time outside for now. It might also be first person as we haven’t had an I/me yet
  •  A verse that has energy (we are in the ha or “party” phase of jo-ha-kyu).
  • A verse that opens outwards (is open-ended) leaving room for the writer who will follow.
How we play:

Please enter your candidate verses in the Comments section below. All verse positions in this junicho will be degachi, that is competitive, and the final poem will comprise stanzas written by 12 different poets.

Please submit only 3 candidate verses for each position. I will allow a week between each verse selection so you have plenty of time to consider your submissions before making them.

For information about junicho and renku, please refer to the Introduction post. And, remember, have fun with your writing

An inspiring quote:

You already know the only truly important thing about renku. It is poetry, not a game or a technical exercise. The rest is just detail. – John Carley

Our poem so far:

cooling off –
our feet in the river
with the ducks

– Lorin Ford

the distant melody
of an ice-cream truck

– Maria Tomczak

paper planes
by the window
ready for his bag

– Sanjuktaa Asopa

welcome to Gaza
from Banksy and friends

– Betty Shropshire

somewhere a missing key
among sprouts
of green grass

– Maureen Virchau

and a pot of daffodils
at the end of the rainbow

– Marion Clarke

This Post Has 40 Comments

  1. she gives him
    just on his birthday
    her golden heart
    **

    my email box
    is brimful anew of
    love messages

    **
    hand in hand
    in no time to the altar
    for ever
    **
    Vasile Moldovan

  2. and a pot of gold
    at the end of the rainbow

    .
    Marian Clarke

    .
    our votes
    and our hopes
    for equal marriage

    .
    thirty years
    together we vote
    for equal marriage

  3. and a pot of daffodils
    at the end of the rainbow

    *

    why then oh why
    can’t you love
    me too?

    *

    admiring her petticoat
    we skipped the light
    fandango

    *

    only now
    in our golden years
    a permissible marriage

    ~~~

    fyi: the petticoat daffodil is small and delicate

  4. still sleeping
    on my side of the bed
    a full moon
    **

    hand in hand
    the widow and widower
    stirring dry leaves
    **

    down the church steps
    to a new life
    the widow and widower
    **

    another October
    honey I’m home
    she says to his empty chair

    1. Hi Pat,

      Two of your candidate verses are seasonal – “dry leaves” is autumn/winter and “October” is spring/autumn – when we’re looking for a *no-season* verse.

      Many thanks,
      Sandra

    1. Hi Peg,

      I’d like to invite you to submit two new verses – we can’t have any more colour. We’ve had “green” in Maureen’s verse, and a rainbow and, by implication, yellow in Marion’s verse.

      Thanks,
      Sandra

  5. I send flowers hoping
    that her daddy
    will not see them
    *****
    as the movie credits
    scroll by on the screen we
    realize we saw only each other
    ******
    in the corner booth
    holding hands sits the
    couple from the pride march

  6. the last dance
    was a slow dance
    all night long

    *****

    slow dancing
    with first one and
    then another

    *****

    slow dancing
    closer than the law
    allowed

  7. Delighted you enjoyed my pot of daffodils, Sandra (and pot of gold, which I couldn’t resist posting on our national saint’s day!)

    I am happy with your addition of ‘and’ at the beginning and the flip. I wasn’t aware that one verse could run into another – so that’s very interesting.

    marion

    1. Hi Marion,

      **
      Thanks for your graciousness in allowing the changes to your verse.
      **
      As to starting a verse with “and”, I’ve probably been a bit blithe with my bridge comment as the link is far more important. I’m still on hotel wifi and so not able to access a website where I’m pretty sure there’s an example of a renku stanza starting with “and”.
      **
      But there is a school of thought that says pairs of verses within a renku may be seen as just that, pairs of verses, so your verse would form a loose couplet with Maureen’s verse… while, I believe, also being able to be read as a stand-alone verse.
      **
      But I admit to adding “and” also because we needed to break up the structure of the verses a bit … add a bit of variety to the composition.

      All the best,
      Sandra

      1. Dear Sandra, I think beginning verses with different parts of speech is a plus. Variety in all things is a tenet of renku. The conjunction is a refreshing change.
        – Paul

      2. That all sounds good to me, Sandra. I also think that beginning with ‘and’ lends a conversational tone to the verse, as if we’ve just joined the party mid-discussion. 🙂

        marion

    2. Nicely done, Marion 🙂 And, goodness, St Pat’s day is the latest we’re supposed to plant our sweet peas, here. I’d better get a move on & do that tomorrow. 🙂

      Sandra, I like the laconic vibe in your use of ‘and’ at the beginning of this verse.

      – Lorin

      1. ” John Carley wrote in his superb Introduction to Renku that love verses should only deal with those relationships that find sexual expression (but are not pornographic, nor coarse) ”

        Well, not overtly so. 🙂 John did point out the implications of some of Basho’s ‘love’ verses, and those he approved of. Insinuation & suggestion seems to be the key. Or as my late friend Ted Lord used to say when judging ‘love ‘ poems, “The feather, please, not the whole chook.”

        – Lorin

        1. (Hand to the forehead..other hand waving a fan in the heat…breathless) “Oh, Rhett!”

          😉 Betty

          Cheers to Marion for taking us over the Rainbow!

  8. .
    .

    somewhere a missing key
    among sprouts
    of green grass
    – Maureen Virchau
    .
    .
    and a pot of daffodils
    at the end of the rainbow
    – Marion Clarke

    .
    .

    Just for fun only, not to be considered as candidate verses:
    .
    .

    a passage way
    at the back of the nightclub
    full of lovers

    .
    .

    a cosplayer stumbles
    and finds her Klingon
    coming to the rescue

    .
    .
    Minnelli’s film titles
    flicker across
    her party costume
    .
    .
    Alan Summers
    .
    .

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