The Renku Sessions: Junicho verse #7
I’m Sandra Simpson, and I will serve as your guide as we compose a 12-verse junicho (june-ee-cho, as in choke).
Well, here we are everyone – halfway through our junicho. I hope it’s been fun so far. Thank you to all those submitting candidate verses. Among those I liked were:
dogwood blossoms
ragged in the rain
– Paul MacNeil
forget-me-not print
on her billowing skirt
– Judt Shrode
the neighbor’s dogwood
goes where he pleases
– Michael Henry Lee
not caring about passwords
after dandelion mead
– Peg Duthie
sunbathing nude
hidden by wisteria
– Judt Shrode
the locked-out librarian
learns lots about lilacs
– Marilyn Potter
a dry snowdrop
on the Apache’s tongue
– Patrick Sweeney
(I did wonder if Patrick was playing a little game and the link was “missing key” as in I don’t have the key to unlock the literal sense of this. But I like it all the same.)
A sense of fun also from Barbara A Taylor who used a musical key:
beneath the magnolia
an out of tune serenade
Chosen for verse #6 is:
and a pot of daffodils
at the end of the rainbow
– Marion Clarke
Marion has cleverly moved us right away from problematical keys, gates and passwords – which could be seen as being too close to the Banksy verse we are shifting away from (remember that walls or a wall underpins that verse) and remembered to not foreshadow our love verses.
I’d like to compliment Marion on dropping in a “pot of gold” verse on St Patrick’s day this week and for also tipping her hat to dear old William Wordsworth whose poem “The Daffodils” must be one of the springiest flower poems of all time. Beside the lake, beneath the trees, fluttering and dancing in the breeze …
I have added an “and” at the start of the verse (and inverted Marion’s lines) to provide a change in rhythm and a pairing with the previous verse but will keep it this way only with her permission. The “and” provides a bridge between this verse and the one before, but it can also be read as “a pot of gold and a pot of daffodils” (but wait, there’s more …).
What comes next – verse #7 is:
- A 3-line verse that is not cut.
- A no-season love verse – John Carley wrote in his superb Introduction to Renku that love verses should only deal with those relationships that find sexual expression (but are not pornographic, nor coarse) so are not about children or pets. This is the first of a pair of love verses so could usefully deal with new love leaving mature love for the poet who follows. This is not to say we’re dealing only with young people and old people, but maybe newer relationships and older relationships.
- A verse that links to verse 6 but shifts away from verse 5 – in tone, setting, construction, etc. So please make this an indoor verse, we’ve spent enough time outside for now. It might also be first person as we haven’t had an I/me yet
- A verse that has energy (we are in the ha or “party” phase of jo-ha-kyu).
- A verse that opens outwards (is open-ended) leaving room for the writer who will follow.
How we play:
Please enter your candidate verses in the Comments section below. All verse positions in this junicho will be degachi, that is competitive, and the final poem will comprise stanzas written by 12 different poets.
Please submit only 3 candidate verses for each position. I will allow a week between each verse selection so you have plenty of time to consider your submissions before making them.
For information about junicho and renku, please refer to the Introduction post. And, remember, have fun with your writing
An inspiring quote:
You already know the only truly important thing about renku. It is poetry, not a game or a technical exercise. The rest is just detail. – John Carley
Our poem so far:
cooling off –
our feet in the river
with the ducks
– Lorin Ford
the distant melody
of an ice-cream truck
– Maria Tomczak
paper planes
by the window
ready for his bag
– Sanjuktaa Asopa
welcome to Gaza
from Banksy and friends
– Betty Shropshire
somewhere a missing key
among sprouts
of green grass
– Maureen Virchau
and a pot of daffodils
at the end of the rainbow
– Marion Clarke
This Post Has 40 Comments
Comments are closed.
I hug myself
at the thought
of our kiss
I whisper
to pass on my note
under the desk
in the night club
he gives me the merest hint
of a smile
after the sunrise
I count the freckles
on her shoulder
in a crowded room
no one but you
and I
verse 7:
*
breathless
he bends and dips her deep
to the floor
verse 7:
*
gently he lifts
his mail-order lover
from the box
in my mother’s kitchen
I suddenly want
your kiss
she gives him
just on his birthday
her golden heart
**
my email box
is brimful anew of
love messages
**
hand in hand
in no time to the altar
for ever
**
Vasile Moldovan
and a pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow
.
Marian Clarke
.
our votes
and our hopes
for equal marriage
.
thirty years
together we vote
for equal marriage
the way
her scent filling
my shirt
and a pot of daffodils
at the end of the rainbow
*
why then oh why
can’t you love
me too?
*
admiring her petticoat
we skipped the light
fandango
*
only now
in our golden years
a permissible marriage
~~~
fyi: the petticoat daffodil is small and delicate
re-entry
the cosmonaut inhales
the scent of her body
-Patrick
heart wild
he hands her a poem
after the fight
still sleeping
on my side of the bed
a full moon
**
hand in hand
the widow and widower
stirring dry leaves
**
down the church steps
to a new life
the widow and widower
**
another October
honey I’m home
she says to his empty chair
Hi Pat,
Two of your candidate verses are seasonal – “dry leaves” is autumn/winter and “October” is spring/autumn – when we’re looking for a *no-season* verse.
Many thanks,
Sandra
thanks – i’m trying
behind her
I move
very slowly
her smoldering glance
as Bacall teaches Bogart
how to whistle
I watch closely
as she primps
in the vanity mirror
with a hidden smile
she says drink this
it’s loaded with boron
-Patrick
in our first house
the first thing I hang
is the horseshoe
my blend of red
and orange lipsticks
bright on his brow
wearing his robe
I iron sky-blue
pillowcases
Hi Peg,
I’d like to invite you to submit two new verses – we can’t have any more colour. We’ve had “green” in Maureen’s verse, and a rainbow and, by implication, yellow in Marion’s verse.
Thanks,
Sandra
from the palette of oils
his brush
touching her body
candlelight glow
lingers on you
in the dark
I send flowers hoping
that her daddy
will not see them
*****
as the movie credits
scroll by on the screen we
realize we saw only each other
******
in the corner booth
holding hands sits the
couple from the pride march
the last dance
was a slow dance
all night long
*****
slow dancing
with first one and
then another
*****
slow dancing
closer than the law
allowed
sharing cheesecake
we talk about
our exes
Delighted you enjoyed my pot of daffodils, Sandra (and pot of gold, which I couldn’t resist posting on our national saint’s day!)
I am happy with your addition of ‘and’ at the beginning and the flip. I wasn’t aware that one verse could run into another – so that’s very interesting.
marion
Hi Marion,
**
Thanks for your graciousness in allowing the changes to your verse.
**
As to starting a verse with “and”, I’ve probably been a bit blithe with my bridge comment as the link is far more important. I’m still on hotel wifi and so not able to access a website where I’m pretty sure there’s an example of a renku stanza starting with “and”.
**
But there is a school of thought that says pairs of verses within a renku may be seen as just that, pairs of verses, so your verse would form a loose couplet with Maureen’s verse… while, I believe, also being able to be read as a stand-alone verse.
**
But I admit to adding “and” also because we needed to break up the structure of the verses a bit … add a bit of variety to the composition.
All the best,
Sandra
Dear Sandra, I think beginning verses with different parts of speech is a plus. Variety in all things is a tenet of renku. The conjunction is a refreshing change.
– Paul
That all sounds good to me, Sandra. I also think that beginning with ‘and’ lends a conversational tone to the verse, as if we’ve just joined the party mid-discussion. 🙂
marion
Nicely done, Marion 🙂 And, goodness, St Pat’s day is the latest we’re supposed to plant our sweet peas, here. I’d better get a move on & do that tomorrow. 🙂
Sandra, I like the laconic vibe in your use of ‘and’ at the beginning of this verse.
– Lorin
” John Carley wrote in his superb Introduction to Renku that love verses should only deal with those relationships that find sexual expression (but are not pornographic, nor coarse) ”
Well, not overtly so. 🙂 John did point out the implications of some of Basho’s ‘love’ verses, and those he approved of. Insinuation & suggestion seems to be the key. Or as my late friend Ted Lord used to say when judging ‘love ‘ poems, “The feather, please, not the whole chook.”
– Lorin
(Hand to the forehead..other hand waving a fan in the heat…breathless) “Oh, Rhett!”
😉 Betty
Cheers to Marion for taking us over the Rainbow!
Agreed and thanks for clarifying my point re love verses, Lorin – almost home, but now on airport wifi!
Thanks, Lorin – I didn’t know that about sweetpea! 🙂
marion
.
.
somewhere a missing key
among sprouts
of green grass
– Maureen Virchau
.
.
and a pot of daffodils
at the end of the rainbow
– Marion Clarke
.
.
Just for fun only, not to be considered as candidate verses:
.
.
a passage way
at the back of the nightclub
full of lovers
.
.
a cosplayer stumbles
and finds her Klingon
coming to the rescue
.
.
Minnelli’s film titles
flicker across
her party costume
.
.
Alan Summers
.
.