Renku Sessions

The Renku Sessions: Invitation For Hokku

renkuchainWelcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Seventh Renku Session.

I’m Lorin Ford.

Thanks to John Stevenson’s initiative of giving participants the chance of selecting the next verse after an accepted verse of our own in the Kasen renku, ‘New Calendar’, I’m now your very wet-behind-the-ears sabaki for The Haiku Foundation’s seventh renku.

On sabaki, I quote John Carley:

“The word sabaki means handler or guide.  . . . It is pure chance that the German word Führer also translates as guide.” (Renku Reckoner)

I enjoy participating in THF renku and hope to continue, so I’m willing to take a turn at giving the sabaki role a go. With a little help from my friends. And on the understanding that there’s no death penalty involved for failed sabaki.

Resources:

For those new to renku, I recommend John Carley’s ‘Introduction to Renku’.

General renku resources such as ‘The 500 Essential Japanese Season Words’ and more can be found at Renku Home.

All completed THF renku are archived here.

 

Please join me in the making of a Jûnicho renku and in making the experience an enjoyable one for all involved.

Jûnicho Renku

The Jûnicho is a 12 verse, single page renku. Like all renku, it begins with a hokku (first verse) and a wakiku (2nd verse) and ends with an ageku (culminating verse). Seasonal verses, non-seasonal verses and love verses are included. The moon makes an appearance, though not necessarily in autumn. A plant in bloom also features, though not necessarily a blossom.

Sandra Simpson, leader of the previous THF Jûnicho, has written an extensive ‘Introduction to Jûnicho’ that is well worth reading.

John Carley raises the question of whether the flexibility of the Jûnicho, in comparison with longer renku which have clearly defined, traditional, jo-ha-kyu movements, is easier or more difficult for beginners (that means beginner sabaki as well as participants).

“Naturally,” he concludes, “the default response of all free thinkers is to heartily proclaim Easier! But those of us who still salivate when a certain bell rings know that people sometimes feel more safe with boundaries.” (Renku Reckoner)

He has a good point. I think we should be safe enough if we follow one of John Carley’s schemas for this Jûnicho.  I’ll post the full schema next week.

 

Call for Hokku

The hokku (first verse):

  • is a 3-line verse with a clear cut, like a 3-line haiku.
  • can be read as an implied greeting or reference to the gathered company and gives a sense of place.
  • is a season verse, traditionally set in the current season

. . . but what is the current season?  My summer is someone else’s winter. Instead of tossing a coin, I checked the previous Jûnicho , which has a summer hokku, then checked John Carley’s various schema possibilities and simply made the decision: 

  • We begin with a winter moon hokku.
  • Please use the Comments box below this post to submit up to 3 of your own freshly written (unpublished!) ‘winter moon’ hokku for consideration. (nb. Try to evoke winter rather than saying it outright . . . although there is no ban on saying ‘winter’ and your brilliant hokku with ‘winter’ in it might just hit the spot, a grand parade of hokku all with “winter moon” stated would lack variety.)

 

Please post your submissions before midnight Monday 15th January, Eastern USA time. (New York time)That’s the deadline. I find the World Clock handy.

The selected hokku and instructions for verse 2, the wakiku, will be posted next Thursday morning – January 18th, New York time.

 

I look forward to reading all of your hokku and wish everyone happy and inspired writing.

– Lorin

 

 

This Post Has 210 Comments

    1. Sorry , David. I can’t consider these because you’ve submitted past the deadline. That deadline is a deadline. (I have a deadline, too, by which to make the selection, write up the following week’s post and get it to John so he can put it on the THF website in time.) It all takes preparation and time.
      .
      Please join us for our 2nd Junicho verse, the wakiku. The post and call for the wakiku will be accessible via the THF home page USA EST tomorrow. Thursday 18th.
      .
      cheers,
      Lorin

  2. It’s now the wee hours of Tuesday 16th, New York time, Hokku submissions are closed.
    Watch out for the next post and call for the wakiku this coming Thursday morning.
    .
    – Lorin

    1. Welcome, Princess. 🙂 An amusing verse or perhaps a meditation practice. Yoga?
      This would be suitable for an ‘inner’ verse in a renku.
      .
      – Lorin

      1. sorry – I mistyped my contribution. It should be

        fresh snowfall
        whiter than white
        beneath the moon

        1. Hi Lyn, good to see you here. 🙂 Welcome to THF Renku and to this Junicho renku in particular. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
          .
          The hokku is read for ‘implied greeting’, reference to the current gathering and augury. I think you’ll forgive a point: perhaps in context of both USA current affairs on the news and Australia Day coming up again, “white on white” and “whiter than white” might suggest an implied greeting/ reference which I know you don’t intend!
          .
          Richard Wright (1908-1960) could famously do it, writing in France:
          .
          In the falling snow
          A laughing boy holds out his palms
          Until they are white.
          .
          But not you or me.
          .
          – Lorin

          1. thanks Lorin – I see what you mean. I overlooked the greeting implication. I will get the hang of it 🙂
            Lyn

  5. very small changes of my first offering
    ****************************
    gathering
    at the top of a moonlit hill-
    sleds ready for descent
    ***************************
    gathering
    at the top of a moonlit hill-
    sleds ready for wild rides

  10. in the moonlight-
    the softness
    of falling snowflakes
    …
    white night-
    the moon gently caresses
    baby’s first steps
    ….
    frozen moon-
    bare branches
    touch the ground

    Thank you so much Lorin.

  11. Hi Lorin, I’ve been looking forward to this. What an amazing number of fine poets you’ve brought with you. 🙂 This will be fun!
    .
    .
    My three offerings:

    .
    coyotes
    silent tonight
    wolf moon rising
    .
    .
    ice shards . . .
    a glimmering
    of silver and moon
    .
    .
    a shiver of light –
    stars put on a show
    for the moon

    1. Thank you, Mary and welcome. “Amazing number of fine poets” is right! We could have 12 renku beginnings, not just one 12 verse Junicho!
      .
      – Lorin

  13. solstice moon
    our host sweetens the cocoa
    with Bundeburg rum
    – Karen
    .
    .
    * If “sweeten” is not understandable as a colloquialism, we could substitute “spikes.”

    1. 🙂 . . . to me, it’d more likely be ‘spikes’, . . depending on proof, of course.
      .
      – Lorin

  17. snow
    on the moon
    jump in with the trout
    *********************
    long night
    only you and the moon
    are incoming
    *********************
    no worries, this long night
    only you and the moon
    are incoming

    1. …of course I mean we ‘begin to melt’ too as we feel at ease entering the renga ☺

        1. Hahaha!….quite!…hopefully the melting boots are a subtle metaphor for snowmelt implied by snow moon..!
          I have a blowtorch ready though…haha ☺

  21. Hi Lorin,
    My offerings for the hokku:
    ***
    moon halo
    the rooster points
    to the north
    ***
    moonlight
    the condensation
    of alternate breath
    ***
    new lace
    on glass bobbins
    Long Nights Moon
    ***
    Thanks!

    1. Thank you, Lee and welcome. I like the humour embedded in that rooster pointing to the North. 🙂
      .
      – Lorin

  22. Lorin, I’m conflicted. I wrote a verse to submit, but when I opened Troutswirl I was shocked…
    and disappointed. The words, though not the actual content, are so similar to David Rodrigues’ haiku. But I guess I will post it anyway…
    .
    .
    fresh snow —
    making footprints
    in moonlight

    1. Dear Judt

      Do not be dismayed.
      Innocent repetition of common observations is pretty common. Back in the early 1990s I wrote several haiku and then bought a translation of Buson. HE had already written “my” poems… long ago.

      This coincidence does happen. I’m sure Lorin will work it out.

    2. Yes, Paul is right, it happens. What I’d be more immediately alert to would be any earlier ‘moon/footprints’ hokku offers on this thread. (and there are a couple)
      .
      – Lorin

      1. Totally inadvertent on my part. But I guess I need to be more aware. When writing, I don’t think of others’ work…just trying to get my impulse into words. Thanks for alerting me to that.

        1. Judt, I imagine there are many winter moon/ footprints haiku out there :-). . . it’s not a problem. The thing is, though, that renku is a collaborative, even communal, poem. If we were doing this live, all in the one physical space, we would both hear and note each verse offer (and there would be fewer participants!)
          .
          So it’s a good idea to read the previous entries, even if we draft our own first. That way we can adjust before we post if we think that’s needed and bring something new. . . new to this particular renku, that is. It’s certainly a challenge though! 🙂
          .

          – Lorin

          – Lorin

  24. a blue moon
    we wade though
    the long January

    a full moon
    light through the window
    wakes me

    moonlight
    carrots flicker
    on the snowman

    1. a blue moon
      we wade though
      the long January

      ***************
      a full moon
      light through the window
      wakes me

      ******************

      moonlight
      carrots flicker
      on the snowman

        1. ps, Diana, some feedback might help for the future:
          .
          There are added difficulties with international renku that don’t arise with Japanese renku or other nationally local renku !
          .
          Your 3rd is suitable for the hokku and will be considered. But your first falls through the net because January and ‘wading’ could as likely be summer as winter ( the blue moon happens world-wide, whatever time zone and whichever hemisphere).
          .
          And because of the haikai convention that the moon (unqualified) is an autumn moon your 2nd falls through the net for a ‘winter moon’ hokku, too.
          .
          I hope this will be useful information.
          .
          – Lorin

          1. Hi Lorun, your advice about the default for moon may appear confusing in light of Sandra’s junicho history background:
            “The junicho form was developed by Master Shunjin Okamoto in the late 1980s, and is one of the shortest forms for group composition (along with the 12-verse shisan). His intent, apparently, was to shear away classical precedent, hence in a junicho the moon does not automatically equate to autumn and the blossom verse is not automatically a cherry blossom or even a spring verse.”
            I do see that context for winter is needed to be a winter verse.☺Betty

          3. Hi Betty, let’s clear this up. My point to Dianne (and anyone else who might be beginning) is in relation to her 2nd verse:
            .
            a full moon
            light through the window
            wakes me
            .
            Without some kind of clarification or qualification this moon (in every kind of renku) is the autumn moon. The ‘big two’ in Japanese renku are ‘moon’ = autumn moon & ‘blossom’ = cherry blossom. No further qualification is needed. But in a long renku, there can be more than one moon and blossom verse. Say there is a moon verse in the jo section: it will usually be just ‘moon’ (autumn moon). Another moon verse in the ha section might be a summer moon: it’ll be qualified as ‘summer moon’ or something else in the verse will make it clear that it’s a summer moon.
            .
            In the Junicho, Master Shunjin Okamoto was very daring in proposing (& successfully) the unprecedented idea that the single moon verse could portray the moon in any season, not necessarily autumn. That doesn’t mean that in a particular Junicho participants can choose the season for the moon. That would make it impossible to make a good collaborative poem. If it’s to be a ‘winter moon’, something in the verse needs to show it’s a winter moon, otherwise ‘moon’ is automatically (via classical precedent) an autumn moon.
            .
            There’s no contradiction between my advice to Dianne & Sandra’s summary, Betty. Where you might be getting confused is between the general (in Junicho, the moon can be set in any season the Renku Master chooses. . . this makes for flexibility) and the particular (the moon in this Junicho is set in winter). (Not being a Master, I’ve chosen to follow one of John Carley’s handy schema 🙂 )

            .
            There is no contradiction between my advice to Dianne and Sandra’s summary.
            .
            Check out ‘Renku Home’ (link in intro, above) and you’ll find this admirably concise summary:
            ‘Practical Guidelines for the Jûnichô Renku Form’by Seijo Okamoto, Master of the Haikai Sesshin, translated by William J. Higginson and Tadashi Kondô.
            .
            “1. A renku must have literary value and a sense of stylishness. This is what Bashô called “timeless and fashionable” (fueki ryûkô).
            .
            2. A twelve-tone renku consists of twelve stanzas. There is no front or back. One blossom stanza, which may be any flower in any season–it need not be cherry blossoms. One moon stanza, which may be any sort of moon in any season. About two love stanzas, in any position. About half the verses will be seasonal (a pair each for spring and autumn, one each summer and winter), and half non-seasonal, in a flexible order. About half with human focus, the rest on places, animals, plants, and the like.
            .
            3. Progression and diversity are the essence of renku. Accordingly, a wide variety of things in nature and the world of humans should appear.

            (End of translation.)”
            .

            I hope this clarifies the issue for you, Betty.
            .
            – Lorin

            .

  25. frost moon
    a candle lit voice
    from the other side
    ******
    snow cover
    the cradle song
    of a sickle moon

      1. another revision…

        *****

        jingling sleigh bells
        we pause to toast the moon
        with mulled wine

        1. Lorin…
          I’ve been mulling over (no pun intended) my last two revisions, and would like to offer one final revision of my original verse. I’d like to change the beverage to ‘mead’ because of its association with poetic inspiration. In Norse Mythology the Mead of Poetry is a mythical beverage; whoever drank it became a poet or a wise man.
          Thanks,
          Sally

          ****

          jingling sleigh bells
          we pause to toast the moon
          with cups of mead

  28. frosty moon
    curled near the fireplace
    the dog whimpers

    *

    winter mist
    the oak limbs frame the moon
    on and off

    *

    scrabble night
    the fresh log crackles
    shivering moon

    *

    1. Hi Madhu and welcome! 🙂 Thanks to you, too, for joining us with some evocative verses.
      .

      – Lorin

    1. Welcome, Paul. Nicely done, that supermoon certainly casts a spotlight on things. 🙂
      –
      – Lorin

  31. Greetings all . . . very much looking forward to the journey

    .

    such a gathering
    the moon lighting icicles
    under the eaves

    1. Welcome, Simon. Lovely that you’ve joined us. 🙂 I hope it’ll enjoyable for you. We’re certainly off to a great start with so many excellent hokku submissions!
      .

      Right now, I wish I was compiling a ‘Winter Moon’ anthology rather than selecting one hokku to begin our renku with.
      .
      – Lorin

      1. Thank you Lorin
        Yes, it is a faboulous turn out of fabulous people. Theses offerings would indeed make for a wonderful Winter Moon anthology and i am more than happy for the task of selecting just one hokku to be all yours! We have one of the very best chefs and I am sure we shall all enjoy the feast.
        Simon

      1. yeah, but, Sandra . . . English ‘as she is spoken’ varies. In the context of haikai (renku, haiku, senryu) I don’t generally have a problem with the colloquial and Indian English has its own quirks.
        .
        – Lorin

  33. Hi Lorin! I’m very sorry, the spacing doesn’t seem to go my way:(
    Here you go again: (pls ignore the previous two)

    1)
    winter pond…
    the chameleon’s tail curls
    around the moon

    2)
    winter evening…
    a snowflake punctuates
    the shadow of birdsong

  34. Sorry about the spacing issues. Here are mine again. I’m obviously thrilled about the amazing thaw we had in Boston in January that has melted 2 feet of snow. Thank you:)
    *********************************

    gloves off
    under a winter moon
    sudden thaw

    ****************************

    winter thaw
    icicles drip
    elongated moons

    ***************************

    slowly forming
    in thawing puddles
    winter moon

    ***************************

    1. Welcome, Suraja and thank you for your hokku offers. 🙂 There’s no doubt that the USA has had snow! Even Florida! Melbourne is having monsoon rain! Strange days indeed.
      .
      – Lorin

  35. gloves off
    under a winter moon
    sudden thaw

    winter thaw
    icicles drip
    elongated moons

    slowly forming
    in thawing puddles
    winter moon

  39. Looking forward to the journey with you at the helm Lorin. Good luck
    —————-

    gifting the moon
    with a glass of water…
    snow-flecked host

  40. Please ignore my previous post.
    I didn’t space it correctly.
    +++
    lunar silence –
    with first snowflakes
    the first entry
    +++
    ice scenarios –
    on a path of moonlight
    the first guest

  41. lunar silence –
    with first snowflakes
    the first entry

    ice scenarios –
    on a path of moonlight
    the first guest

  42. Please ignore my previous post.
    I didn’t space it correctly.

    My hokku are:

    winter pond…
    a chameleon’s tail curls
    around the moon

    winter evening…
    a snowflake punctuates
    the shadow of birdsong

  43. Thank you for the opportunity! I hope you like these:

    winter pond…
    the chameleon’s tail
    curls around the moon

    winter evening…
    a snowflake punctuates
    the shadow of birdsong

    1. Welcome, Praniti. 🙂
      .
      It’s not you: spacing doesn’t work on THF comments threads. We get used to it and substitute a maker where we want a space: hit space, then insert a dot, a dash or an asterisk as a space marker then hit space again. That should work, in future.
      .

      But there’s no need to post these again. I can read them.
      .

      – Lorin

  45. Jan, Susan and anyone else who will be offering verses one by one: that’s fine. I won’t respond every time, but be assured that I won’t miss any. All offered verses will be considered.
    .
    Keep them coming. 🙂
    .
    – Lorin

  47. New Year’s Eve
    moonlight spills over the snow
    and through the door
    …
    frozen moon
    skaters glide on the pond
    scarves flying
    …
    clothesline
    frost starches the sheets
    under the moon

  48. Hello Lorin, this is a first time for me.

    fresh snow
    the tracks of a fox
    in moonlight

    frozen lake
    moon shadows deepen
    the ice

    1. Welcome, Lorraine, and thanks for these.
      .

      It’s the first time for some others, too, I think 🙂 I hope you’ll enjoy this renku! Any queries you have along the way, just ask via comments box. Either I or someone else should be able to answer. Reading all of the thread, each week as we go along, can help, too.
      .
      – Lorin

    1. Hi Rebecca, great to see you here and I hope you’ll enjoy this renku. 🙂 Thanks for these, which show you’ve got the gist of the role of the hokku.
      ,
      ( ‘New Year’s Moon’ would be winter in the Northern Hemisphere but not in the Southern or the tropics,. A more experienced sabaki than I am would leave it open and adjust in later verses, but I’m sticking with the idea of a clear evocation of winter.)
      .
      – Lorin

  50. Hi Lorin, great to see this happening and I’m sure it will be fun 🙂
    .
    icy moon
    bowls of hot porridge
    before we journey

    Ron C. Moss

    1. Welcome, Ailix. Great to have two Kiwis among our happily international mix this time. This is a good hokku.
      .
      – Lorin

  53. Hi Lorin

    Jack Frost
    stray dogs howl
    at the moon

    super moon…
    our red cheeks and
    numb fingers

    1. Welcome, Marina. Thanks for offering these. Of the two, I think the 2nd is the more suitable.
      .
      – Lorin

      1. grazie Lorin, I am very happy to leave and learn from very good traveling companions

        Margherita 🙂

    1. cold moon
      the whiteness
      of my cappuccino

      moonlight
      my son counts the stars
      on Christmas trees

    2. Good to hear from you, Kala! Yes, please do offer verses whenever you feel to.
      .
      We have 12 verses this time, but it’s still a short renku. 🙂
      .
      – Lorin

  56. Hi Lorin,

    This should be fun! Strapping on my skates …

    _____________

    opening the door
    to an unexpected guest –
    winter moon

    ______________

    each guest
    with a gift –
    winter moon

    – Sandra Simpson

  57. Hi Lorin 😊 Happy Weekend –Robbie

    rugged up
    on the river–
    moon ripples

    *

    winter coats
    a fast walk
    with the moon

    *

    sprawling snow gum
    weighed down
    by a frozen moon

    1. Welcome, Robbie 🙂 What a nice surprise to see you here. I hope you’ll have fun with this renku and that it’ll lead to your further participation in renku in the future.
      .
      Nice work. I like your 2nd the most, in context of a hokku.
      .
      – Lorin

    1. Hi Jan, and welcome. I like this hokku a lot for it’s different way of calling to the next verse (wakiku) for a response.
      –
      – Lorin

  61. Hi Lorin,
    looking forward to what promises to be a spectacular session!
    .
    I’ve been having an insanely busy start to the new year and my brain feels fried but here’s an attempt at the hokku. As many verses feature human presence (as they should), I’ve opted for a pure nature scene this time.
    .
    moonrise
    a pack of wolves
    begins its pursuit

    1. Great to see you here, Polona . . . and a new angle with these wolves. I can’t help reading a certain humour into it, in context . . . 🙂
      .
      – Lorin

      1. 🙂
        well, yes, a certain metaphorical sense was intended.
        however, i didn’t want to emphasize “the big bad wolf”. these incredible creatures with intricate social structure are often misunderstood though in fact they play a massive role in preserving a healthy environment.

          2. not you, but some might… 😉

            as for wolf being associated with winter, i’d say it makes sense regardless of what the japanese saijiki says ( and Higginson agrees)… though they are active year-round, encounters between wolves and humans are most likely to appear in wintertime when food is scarce and livestock can become easy prey

          3. Thanks for that, Polona. Yes, ‘wolves’ mostly winter makes sense for the reasons you give. (and I checked with my copy of ‘Haiku World’, too).
            .
            – Lorin

  62. Another hokku offering!
    *
    a dusting of snow
    on the welcome mat…
    winter moon
    *
    *
    p.s. yep I know, but ‘winter moon’ continues the ‘w’ sounds! ☺

    1. Well, there’s no ban on ‘winter moon’ and yes, the repeated ‘w’ sounds work well.
      .
      – Lorin

  65. and away we go
    **************
    frosty moon
    too large to squeeze
    through the cabin door
    ******************
    super moon
    a snow man’s shadow
    fills the yard
    **********
    la bella luna
    a sigh made known
    on the frigid air

  69. Hello Lorin, been looking forward to this session 🙂

    *
    snowbound-
    a moonshine glow
    on every face

    1. Hi, Patrick and welcome. 🙂 Out of the google options, I’m guessing Mr. Lancaster isn’t a Northern England crime boss but a character from a book and film. Popular culture?
      –
      – Lorin

  71. To all not yet used to posting on these THF Renku threads:
    .
    Spaces don’t work. To create a space between more than one verse offer, or between paragraphs in prose etc. we need to add a marker where we want a space to be. . . a dot (as I’ve been doing) a dash or an asterisk all seem to work.
    .
    – Lorin

  72. Hi, Lorin,
    Here is my try on hokku:

    winter moon…
    looking for
    my daughter’s smile

    wolf moon –
    having time
    for a friend

    winter moon…
    silver reflections
    on the path

  73. Happy New Year, all. Welcome Lorin as sabaki!!

    Herewith, my offers:
    *

    coloured turbans
    a moonlit sweep
    down silvery slopes

    *
    (the above inspired by a trip to Kashmir in winter)

    *

    at our doorstep
    dripping rainbows
    under the moon

    *

    welcome doona
    only night shadows
    strike our snug bed

    *
    Peace and Love
    B

    1. Welcome, Barbara.
      .
      Your first is unusual (because of the turbans) but striking, and will be considered. You 2nd I can well believe as a ‘shasei’ haiku, what with the rainstorms we’ve been having (alternating with great heat) but for this hokku we want a winter moon. Your 3rd might suggest a greeting to all involved in a party of some kind . . . but it’s not a renku party that immediately springs to mind. 🙂
      .
      – Lorin

  76. Hi Lorin, I’ve been looking forward to this! Great to see you as sabaki! ☺
    Here’s my first attempt!
    *
    snow moon…
    a porchlight gathering
    footprints
    *

  77. moonlight
    reflecting off the snow—
    silence in the forest
    __________
    moonlit stroll
    through the park—
    sudden snowfall
    __________
    moonbeams
    through bare branches—
    shadows touch her face
    __________
    Thank you!

    1. ah, a lovely verse Angiola. I didn’t recognise the name (in Spanish) but a quick google showed me a familiar, beautifully scented winter blossom. (It’s grown in Australia, too, called ‘Winter Sweet’)
      .
      I’m sorry to have to say we can’t have a blossom or a flower of any sort here, as the Junicho has only one flower/ blossom verse. . . of which, later. 🙂 Also, in a 12 verse (short!) renku, we could have no more than one word in a language other than English. . . seductive as that word might be. 🙂
      .
      Try writing some more hokku for this spot?
      .
      Lorin

      1. Grazie Lorin

        snow on the branches
        the silence of the wood
        up to the moon

        first night of the year-
        on the deserted beach
        all the moon

    1. Hi Marta, and thanks for joining in with these hokku offers. 🙂

      Try rewriting your 2nd one, ‘sleigh ride’, without the 2nd break/ cut after ‘shimmers’ it has at present:
      .
      sleigh ride/
      the road ahead shimmers/
      winter moon
      .
      Do you see what I mean? It’s only the 3rd line that needs to be adjusted.
      .
      (I love your cat photo, btw, whenever I see it)
      .
      – Lorin

      1. Thank you very much for your comments, Lorin. I noticed that in the previous one there was a double kigo (sleigh ride and winter moon; both mean winter). After the change there is only one kigo and there is no cut after the second verse. Love, Marta

        sleigh ride
        the road ahead shimmers
        in the moonlight

  82. Great to see you here, Paul and Betty! 🙂 Early Friday morning for me, Thursday afternoon for you both.

    .
    -Lorin

  83. __/\__ Lorin
    …
    distant harbour –
    wicker fishnets
    in the moon’s tow
    – Betty Shropshire

    1. A lovely verse, Betty, but consider working on L1, because fishnets aren’t cast out exclusively in winter so lack of a clear season here indicates an autumn moon, by default.
      .
      – Lorin

      1. Yeah, though I worry about a double kigo if ‘wicker fishnets’ is considered all winter. Will ponder some more. Thanks.

        1. Hmmm, Betty. . . but where is ‘wicker fishnets’ considered an ‘all winter’ kigo? The answer is, of course, Japan. And ‘wicker fishnets’ is listed in ‘500 Essential Season Words’, which is a good starting place for beginners. But it’s ‘Japan-ocentric’. (Tell Torres Strait Islanders, Samoans or Balinese fisher-folk that wicker fishnets indicate winter and they’ll laugh out loud. )
          .
          For us who’re writing renku in English with a potential international participation and readership, it’s a balancing act. We can use saijiki as a guide, but with caution and we need to exercise our intuition, too. We accept the tradition that the moon is an autumn kigo unless otherwise indicated. But do we want a hokku set exclusively in Japan?
          .
          – Lorin

          2. re: revision
            If you read the link’s history tab, you will see this on the last page which I find especially thought provoking with respect to augury:
            “The traditional teaching is that blackfish, like all other creatures, are highly aware of human behavior and will allow themselves to be trapped only by those with clean and careful habits.(5) Special prohibitions—such as never catching blackfish with dip nets—are observed to avoid giving offense to the fish.(6)”

          3. Ok, Betty, I’ve got your revision. Fun with ‘International Geographic’! 🙂 We have a native blackfish in Australia, too. It’d be a different species. .. and of course we don’t have tundra.
            –

            The closest I’ve been to snow recently was re-watching the Coen Bros. film, ‘Fargo’. A good film to cool down with on a 41+C day. 🙂
            .
            – Lorin

    1. I like the slow movement, Paul. Proof that ‘the haiku moment’ (or ‘hokku moment’) isn’t necessarily the moment of a snapshot. 🙂
      .
      – Lorin

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