The Renku Sessions: Invitation For Hokku
Welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Seventh Renku Session.
I’m Lorin Ford.
Thanks to John Stevenson’s initiative of giving participants the chance of selecting the next verse after an accepted verse of our own in the Kasen renku, ‘New Calendar’, I’m now your very wet-behind-the-ears sabaki for The Haiku Foundation’s seventh renku.
On sabaki, I quote John Carley:
“The word sabaki means handler or guide. . . . It is pure chance that the German word Führer also translates as guide.” (Renku Reckoner)
I enjoy participating in THF renku and hope to continue, so I’m willing to take a turn at giving the sabaki role a go. With a little help from my friends. And on the understanding that there’s no death penalty involved for failed sabaki.
Resources:
For those new to renku, I recommend John Carley’s ‘Introduction to Renku’.
General renku resources such as ‘The 500 Essential Japanese Season Words’ and more can be found at Renku Home.
All completed THF renku are archived here.
Please join me in the making of a Jûnicho renku and in making the experience an enjoyable one for all involved.
Jûnicho Renku
The Jûnicho is a 12 verse, single page renku. Like all renku, it begins with a hokku (first verse) and a wakiku (2nd verse) and ends with an ageku (culminating verse). Seasonal verses, non-seasonal verses and love verses are included. The moon makes an appearance, though not necessarily in autumn. A plant in bloom also features, though not necessarily a blossom.
Sandra Simpson, leader of the previous THF Jûnicho, has written an extensive ‘Introduction to Jûnicho’ that is well worth reading.
John Carley raises the question of whether the flexibility of the Jûnicho, in comparison with longer renku which have clearly defined, traditional, jo-ha-kyu movements, is easier or more difficult for beginners (that means beginner sabaki as well as participants).
“Naturally,” he concludes, “the default response of all free thinkers is to heartily proclaim Easier! But those of us who still salivate when a certain bell rings know that people sometimes feel more safe with boundaries.” (Renku Reckoner)
He has a good point. I think we should be safe enough if we follow one of John Carley’s schemas for this Jûnicho. I’ll post the full schema next week.
Call for Hokku
The hokku (first verse):
- is a 3-line verse with a clear cut, like a 3-line haiku.
- can be read as an implied greeting or reference to the gathered company and gives a sense of place.
- is a season verse, traditionally set in the current season
. . . but what is the current season? My summer is someone else’s winter. Instead of tossing a coin, I checked the previous Jûnicho , which has a summer hokku, then checked John Carley’s various schema possibilities and simply made the decision:
- We begin with a winter moon hokku.
- Please use the Comments box below this post to submit up to 3 of your own freshly written (unpublished!) ‘winter moon’ hokku for consideration. (nb. Try to evoke winter rather than saying it outright . . . although there is no ban on saying ‘winter’ and your brilliant hokku with ‘winter’ in it might just hit the spot, a grand parade of hokku all with “winter moon” stated would lack variety.)
Please post your submissions before midnight Monday 15th January, Eastern USA time. (New York time)That’s the deadline. I find the World Clock handy.
The selected hokku and instructions for verse 2, the wakiku, will be posted next Thursday morning – January 18th, New York time.
I look forward to reading all of your hokku and wish everyone happy and inspired writing.
– Lorin
This Post Has 210 Comments
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spread on the floor
near the electric heater
moonlight
full moon
seeing so clearly
all in grays
deep in the country
just the light
from the moon
Sorry , David. I can’t consider these because you’ve submitted past the deadline. That deadline is a deadline. (I have a deadline, too, by which to make the selection, write up the following week’s post and get it to John so he can put it on the THF website in time.) It all takes preparation and time.
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Please join us for our 2nd Junicho verse, the wakiku. The post and call for the wakiku will be accessible via the THF home page USA EST tomorrow. Thursday 18th.
.
cheers,
Lorin
Thanks, Lorin, Sorry to have been late.
Hi Lorin, has the call for the waikiku been posted?
Thanks,
Suraja
It’s now the wee hours of Tuesday 16th, New York time, Hokku submissions are closed.
Watch out for the next post and call for the wakiku this coming Thursday morning.
.
– Lorin
*
long tide
pulling a long face
from longer shadows
*
Welcome, Princess. 🙂 An amusing verse or perhaps a meditation practice. Yoga?
This would be suitable for an ‘inner’ verse in a renku.
.
– Lorin
frosty moon —
cross country skiers
sharing orange slices
Welcome, Marilyn and thanks for joining us with a new hokku. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Thanks, Lorin. I’m looking forward to this fun trip.
fresh snowfall
white on white
beneath the moon
sorry – I mistyped my contribution. It should be
fresh snowfall
whiter than white
beneath the moon
Hi Lyn, good to see you here. 🙂 Welcome to THF Renku and to this Junicho renku in particular. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
.
The hokku is read for ‘implied greeting’, reference to the current gathering and augury. I think you’ll forgive a point: perhaps in context of both USA current affairs on the news and Australia Day coming up again, “white on white” and “whiter than white” might suggest an implied greeting/ reference which I know you don’t intend!
.
Richard Wright (1908-1960) could famously do it, writing in France:
.
In the falling snow
A laughing boy holds out his palms
Until they are white.
.
But not you or me.
.
– Lorin
thanks Lorin – I see what you mean. I overlooked the greeting implication. I will get the hang of it 🙂
Lyn
very small changes of my first offering
****************************
gathering
at the top of a moonlit hill-
sleds ready for descent
***************************
gathering
at the top of a moonlit hill-
sleds ready for wild rides
Got it, Ailix. 🙂
.
– Lorin
3rd attempt, Lorin.
.
.
winter eclipse
friends gather in the garden
to view the moon
1st try:
.
moonrise —
warm light from the window shines
on fresh snow
Welcome, Elaine, and thanks for joining us. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Thank you, Lorin. 🙂
icy moonlight
the breath of friends
mingling
Welcome, Marion. Great to see you here with us. 🙂
.
Lorin
short-day moon …
our footsteps crisscrossing
those of a fox
**
– Sandra Simpson
in the moonlight-
the softness
of falling snowflakes
…
white night-
the moon gently caresses
baby’s first steps
….
frozen moon-
bare branches
touch the ground
Thank you so much Lorin.
Thanks, for joining us, Doris, and welcome. 🙂
.
– Lorin
It’s a pleasure, Lorin! 🙂
Hi Lorin, I’ve been looking forward to this. What an amazing number of fine poets you’ve brought with you. 🙂 This will be fun!
.
.
My three offerings:
.
coyotes
silent tonight
wolf moon rising
.
.
ice shards . . .
a glimmering
of silver and moon
.
.
a shiver of light –
stars put on a show
for the moon
Thank you, Mary and welcome. “Amazing number of fine poets” is right! We could have 12 renku beginnings, not just one 12 verse Junicho!
.
– Lorin
🙂 so true!
Third Entry
.
.
snow moon
the breezeway open
to guests
.
.
Jan Benson
USA
solstice moon
our host sweetens the cocoa
with Bundeburg rum
– Karen
.
.
* If “sweeten” is not understandable as a colloquialism, we could substitute “spikes.”
🙂 . . . to me, it’d more likely be ‘spikes’, . . depending on proof, of course.
.
– Lorin
pale moon
fox cubs slip
on an icy pond
solstice moon
our host greets us
across a frozen pond
.
– Karen
Amending this to:
.
solstice moon
our host welcomes us
across a frozen pond
– Karen
moonlit pond skater
infinity drawn
into another
snow
on the moon
jump in with the trout
*********************
long night
only you and the moon
are incoming
*********************
no worries, this long night
only you and the moon
are incoming
Welcome, Mary and thanks for these. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorin 🙂
*
solstice moon
our host helps the guests
off with their coats
Hi, and this is #3☺
*
*
snow moon…
boots in the porchlight
begin to melt
*
*
…of course I mean we ‘begin to melt’ too as we feel at ease entering the renga ☺
. . . I would’ve thought it’d take a blow torch to melt them! 🙂
.
– Lorin
Hahaha!….quite!…hopefully the melting boots are a subtle metaphor for snowmelt implied by snow moon..!
I have a blowtorch ready though…haha ☺
No.2 attempt.
*
moon face
shimmer between pine trees
snowy owl
Hi Lorin,
My offerings for the hokku:
***
moon halo
the rooster points
to the north
***
moonlight
the condensation
of alternate breath
***
new lace
on glass bobbins
Long Nights Moon
***
Thanks!
Thank you, Lee and welcome. I like the humour embedded in that rooster pointing to the North. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Lorin, I’m conflicted. I wrote a verse to submit, but when I opened Troutswirl I was shocked…
and disappointed. The words, though not the actual content, are so similar to David Rodrigues’ haiku. But I guess I will post it anyway…
.
.
fresh snow —
making footprints
in moonlight
Dear Judt
Do not be dismayed.
Innocent repetition of common observations is pretty common. Back in the early 1990s I wrote several haiku and then bought a translation of Buson. HE had already written “my” poems… long ago.
This coincidence does happen. I’m sure Lorin will work it out.
Thank you, Paul. Buson!
Yes, Paul is right, it happens. What I’d be more immediately alert to would be any earlier ‘moon/footprints’ hokku offers on this thread. (and there are a couple)
.
– Lorin
Totally inadvertent on my part. But I guess I need to be more aware. When writing, I don’t think of others’ work…just trying to get my impulse into words. Thanks for alerting me to that.
Judt, I imagine there are many winter moon/ footprints haiku out there :-). . . it’s not a problem. The thing is, though, that renku is a collaborative, even communal, poem. If we were doing this live, all in the one physical space, we would both hear and note each verse offer (and there would be fewer participants!)
.
So it’s a good idea to read the previous entries, even if we draft our own first. That way we can adjust before we post if we think that’s needed and bring something new. . . new to this particular renku, that is. It’s certainly a challenge though! 🙂
.
– Lorin
– Lorin
Hi Lorin!
.
.
a sparkler
lit with another…
full wolf moon
Hi Vida! Lovely to see you here. 🙂 This is another good hokku candidate.
.
Lorin
a blue moon
we wade though
the long January
a full moon
light through the window
wakes me
moonlight
carrots flicker
on the snowman
a blue moon
we wade though
the long January
***************
a full moon
light through the window
wakes me
******************
moonlight
carrots flicker
on the snowman
Welcome, Diana and thank you for these hokku entries.
.
– Lorin
ps, Diana, some feedback might help for the future:
.
There are added difficulties with international renku that don’t arise with Japanese renku or other nationally local renku !
.
Your 3rd is suitable for the hokku and will be considered. But your first falls through the net because January and ‘wading’ could as likely be summer as winter ( the blue moon happens world-wide, whatever time zone and whichever hemisphere).
.
And because of the haikai convention that the moon (unqualified) is an autumn moon your 2nd falls through the net for a ‘winter moon’ hokku, too.
.
I hope this will be useful information.
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorun, your advice about the default for moon may appear confusing in light of Sandra’s junicho history background:
“The junicho form was developed by Master Shunjin Okamoto in the late 1980s, and is one of the shortest forms for group composition (along with the 12-verse shisan). His intent, apparently, was to shear away classical precedent, hence in a junicho the moon does not automatically equate to autumn and the blossom verse is not automatically a cherry blossom or even a spring verse.”
I do see that context for winter is needed to be a winter verse.☺Betty
Sorry…Lorin…not Lorun! 😊
Hi Betty, let’s clear this up. My point to Dianne (and anyone else who might be beginning) is in relation to her 2nd verse:
.
a full moon
light through the window
wakes me
.
Without some kind of clarification or qualification this moon (in every kind of renku) is the autumn moon. The ‘big two’ in Japanese renku are ‘moon’ = autumn moon & ‘blossom’ = cherry blossom. No further qualification is needed. But in a long renku, there can be more than one moon and blossom verse. Say there is a moon verse in the jo section: it will usually be just ‘moon’ (autumn moon). Another moon verse in the ha section might be a summer moon: it’ll be qualified as ‘summer moon’ or something else in the verse will make it clear that it’s a summer moon.
.
In the Junicho, Master Shunjin Okamoto was very daring in proposing (& successfully) the unprecedented idea that the single moon verse could portray the moon in any season, not necessarily autumn. That doesn’t mean that in a particular Junicho participants can choose the season for the moon. That would make it impossible to make a good collaborative poem. If it’s to be a ‘winter moon’, something in the verse needs to show it’s a winter moon, otherwise ‘moon’ is automatically (via classical precedent) an autumn moon.
.
There’s no contradiction between my advice to Dianne & Sandra’s summary, Betty. Where you might be getting confused is between the general (in Junicho, the moon can be set in any season the Renku Master chooses. . . this makes for flexibility) and the particular (the moon in this Junicho is set in winter). (Not being a Master, I’ve chosen to follow one of John Carley’s handy schema 🙂 )
.
There is no contradiction between my advice to Dianne and Sandra’s summary.
.
Check out ‘Renku Home’ (link in intro, above) and you’ll find this admirably concise summary:
‘Practical Guidelines for the Jûnichô Renku Form’by Seijo Okamoto, Master of the Haikai Sesshin, translated by William J. Higginson and Tadashi Kondô.
.
“1. A renku must have literary value and a sense of stylishness. This is what Bashô called “timeless and fashionable” (fueki ryûkô).
.
2. A twelve-tone renku consists of twelve stanzas. There is no front or back. One blossom stanza, which may be any flower in any season–it need not be cherry blossoms. One moon stanza, which may be any sort of moon in any season. About two love stanzas, in any position. About half the verses will be seasonal (a pair each for spring and autumn, one each summer and winter), and half non-seasonal, in a flexible order. About half with human focus, the rest on places, animals, plants, and the like.
.
3. Progression and diversity are the essence of renku. Accordingly, a wide variety of things in nature and the world of humans should appear.
(End of translation.)”
.
I hope this clarifies the issue for you, Betty.
.
– Lorin
.
Yes, thank you.
Betty
Hello, Lorin, I just saw your note tome about the haiku. Thank you.
Diane
frost moon
a candle lit voice
from the other side
******
snow cover
the cradle song
of a sickle moon
Welcome, Michael. I like your play on “the other side”. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Thank you, and I am grateful for this opportunity to learn. Best to you!
the jingle of sleigh bells
stopping to toast the moon
with hot chocolate
Welcome, Sally. Another happy winter hokku for me to consider! 🙂
.
– Lorin
jingling sleigh bells
we pause to toast the moon
with mulled cider
another revision…
*****
jingling sleigh bells
we pause to toast the moon
with mulled wine
Lorin…
I’ve been mulling over (no pun intended) my last two revisions, and would like to offer one final revision of my original verse. I’d like to change the beverage to ‘mead’ because of its association with poetic inspiration. In Norse Mythology the Mead of Poetry is a mythical beverage; whoever drank it became a poet or a wise man.
Thanks,
Sally
****
jingling sleigh bells
we pause to toast the moon
with cups of mead
a gift to us all
ice flowers
lit by the moon
frosty moon
curled near the fireplace
the dog whimpers
*
winter mist
the oak limbs frame the moon
on and off
*
scrabble night
the fresh log crackles
shivering moon
*
Hi Madhu and welcome! 🙂 Thanks to you, too, for joining us with some evocative verses.
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorin,
Thankyou, was looking forward to this and what a feast 😊
Cheers!
supermoon
in the ice hole
i see the fish
super moon
in the ice hole
i see the fish
Welcome, Paul. Nicely done, that supermoon certainly casts a spotlight on things. 🙂
–
– Lorin
Greetings all . . . very much looking forward to the journey
.
such a gathering
the moon lighting icicles
under the eaves
Welcome, Simon. Lovely that you’ve joined us. 🙂 I hope it’ll enjoyable for you. We’re certainly off to a great start with so many excellent hokku submissions!
.
Right now, I wish I was compiling a ‘Winter Moon’ anthology rather than selecting one hokku to begin our renku with.
.
– Lorin
Thank you Lorin
Yes, it is a faboulous turn out of fabulous people. Theses offerings would indeed make for a wonderful Winter Moon anthology and i am more than happy for the task of selecting just one hokku to be all yours! We have one of the very best chefs and I am sure we shall all enjoy the feast.
Simon
This is my third hokku–
snowball fight…
the amount of times
I crumple the moon
🙂 I love the humour in ‘crumple’.
.
– Lorin
Thank you! I hope you like the rest as well !
Yes, don’t worry…I have all three. 🙂
–
Lorin
Really?? I thought I submitted horrible stuff but you make me feel happy 😀😀
Hello Praniti, if you will excuse an old pedant … the word in your haiku should be ‘number’, not ‘amount’. The difference is between countable and uncountable. It’s a common error, heard and read increasingly often … which probably means the usage will eventually change!
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/grammar/british-grammar/amount-of-number-of-or-quantity-of
Best wishes
Sandra
yeah, but, Sandra . . . English ‘as she is spoken’ varies. In the context of haikai (renku, haiku, senryu) I don’t generally have a problem with the colloquial and Indian English has its own quirks.
.
– Lorin
ps. I’m an old ESL teacher. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorin! I’m very sorry, the spacing doesn’t seem to go my way:(
Here you go again: (pls ignore the previous two)
1)
winter pond…
the chameleon’s tail curls
around the moon
2)
winter evening…
a snowflake punctuates
the shadow of birdsong
Sorry about the spacing issues. Here are mine again. I’m obviously thrilled about the amazing thaw we had in Boston in January that has melted 2 feet of snow. Thank you:)
*********************************
gloves off
under a winter moon
sudden thaw
****************************
winter thaw
icicles drip
elongated moons
***************************
slowly forming
in thawing puddles
winter moon
***************************
Welcome, Suraja and thank you for your hokku offers. 🙂 There’s no doubt that the USA has had snow! Even Florida! Melbourne is having monsoon rain! Strange days indeed.
.
– Lorin
gloves off
under a winter moon
sudden thaw
winter thaw
icicles drip
elongated moons
slowly forming
in thawing puddles
winter moon
winter moon –
the distant call
of an old owl
frosty draught
for a moment, her head
on the moon
bowls of soup
moonlight pools
around the fire
Looking forward to the journey with you at the helm Lorin. Good luck
—————-
gifting the moon
with a glass of water…
snow-flecked host
Welcome, Shrikaanth. Lovely to see you here. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Please ignore my previous post.
I didn’t space it correctly.
+++
lunar silence –
with first snowflakes
the first entry
+++
ice scenarios –
on a path of moonlight
the first guest
Yes, you’ve figured out a way to make the spaces, Margherita. 🙂
.
-Lorin
lunar silence –
with first snowflakes
the first entry
ice scenarios –
on a path of moonlight
the first guest
Please ignore my previous post.
I didn’t space it correctly.
My hokku are:
winter pond…
a chameleon’s tail curls
around the moon
winter evening…
a snowflake punctuates
the shadow of birdsong
Thank you for the opportunity! I hope you like these:
winter pond…
the chameleon’s tail
curls around the moon
winter evening…
a snowflake punctuates
the shadow of birdsong
Welcome, Praniti. 🙂
.
It’s not you: spacing doesn’t work on THF comments threads. We get used to it and substitute a maker where we want a space: hit space, then insert a dot, a dash or an asterisk as a space marker then hit space again. That should work, in future.
.
But there’s no need to post these again. I can read them.
.
– Lorin
spello: I mean “a marker”.
.
– Lorin
moonset . . .
an icicle lengthens
letters home
Jan, Susan and anyone else who will be offering verses one by one: that’s fine. I won’t respond every time, but be assured that I won’t miss any. All offered verses will be considered.
.
Keep them coming. 🙂
.
– Lorin
My 2nd try, Lorin.
.
open house
at the ski lodge —
cold moon
.
New Year’s Eve
moonlight spills over the snow
and through the door
…
frozen moon
skaters glide on the pond
scarves flying
…
clothesline
frost starches the sheets
under the moon
Welcome, Pauline and thanks for these. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Hello Lorin, this is a first time for me.
fresh snow
the tracks of a fox
in moonlight
frozen lake
moon shadows deepen
the ice
Welcome, Lorraine, and thanks for these.
.
It’s the first time for some others, too, I think 🙂 I hope you’ll enjoy this renku! Any queries you have along the way, just ask via comments box. Either I or someone else should be able to answer. Reading all of the thread, each week as we go along, can help, too.
.
– Lorin
1)
Old Moon
we retrace the path
our ancestors shared
2)
Snow Moon…
old friends and I
casting purple shadows
3)
New Year’s moon…
the path we share
grows brighter
Hi Rebecca, great to see you here and I hope you’ll enjoy this renku. 🙂 Thanks for these, which show you’ve got the gist of the role of the hokku.
,
( ‘New Year’s Moon’ would be winter in the Northern Hemisphere but not in the Southern or the tropics,. A more experienced sabaki than I am would leave it open and adjust in later verses, but I’m sticking with the idea of a clear evocation of winter.)
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorin, great to see this happening and I’m sure it will be fun 🙂
.
icy moon
bowls of hot porridge
before we journey
Ron C. Moss
Hey, Ron! 🙂 Great to see you here and thanks for this hokku offer.
.
– Lorin
Second entry
.
.
sleet moon
kettle corn popping
on the fire
.
.
Jan Benson
USA
gathering
at the top of the moonlit hill-
sleds ready for descent
Welcome, Ailix. Great to have two Kiwis among our happily international mix this time. This is a good hokku.
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorin
Jack Frost
stray dogs howl
at the moon
super moon…
our red cheeks and
numb fingers
Welcome, Marina. Thanks for offering these. Of the two, I think the 2nd is the more suitable.
.
– Lorin
ice moon –
voices in the light
of a fireplace
Welcome, Margherita. A nice blend of senses here!
.
– Lorin
grazie Lorin, I am very happy to leave and learn from very good traveling companions
Margherita 🙂
Congratulations, Lorin.
Some lovely verses here …
Will try to post something soon.
:))
cold moon
the whiteness
of my cappuccino
moonlight
my son counts the stars
on Christmas trees
Welcome, Indra. Thanks for submitting these! 🙂
.
– Lorin
Thank you for the opportunity Lorin! 🙂
Good to hear from you, Kala! Yes, please do offer verses whenever you feel to.
.
We have 12 verses this time, but it’s still a short renku. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorin,
This should be fun! Strapping on my skates …
_____________
opening the door
to an unexpected guest –
winter moon
______________
each guest
with a gift –
winter moon
– Sandra Simpson
Lovely to see you here, Sandra! 🙂 Thanks for these.
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorin 😊 Happy Weekend –Robbie
rugged up
on the river–
moon ripples
*
winter coats
a fast walk
with the moon
*
sprawling snow gum
weighed down
by a frozen moon
Welcome, Robbie 🙂 What a nice surprise to see you here. I hope you’ll have fun with this renku and that it’ll lead to your further participation in renku in the future.
.
Nice work. I like your 2nd the most, in context of a hokku.
.
– Lorin
Cheers Lorin 😊 Thanks for feedback –will keep dropping in. Robbie
brushing off snow
on the headlights
moonbeams glow
.
headlights follow
the moonlit path
snow layers crunch
Greetings Lorin
My first tip toe into linked verse.
.
.
bone moon
the first pine cone
drops
.
.
Warm Regards,
Jan Benson
USA
Hi Jan, and welcome. I like this hokku a lot for it’s different way of calling to the next verse (wakiku) for a response.
–
– Lorin
Thank you, Lorin.
Jan
doorstop moonlight
each guest unwraps
mufflers and mittens
Hi, Carmen, great to see you back for another renku, too. Another good one!
.
– Lorin
Hi Lorin,
looking forward to what promises to be a spectacular session!
.
I’ve been having an insanely busy start to the new year and my brain feels fried but here’s an attempt at the hokku. As many verses feature human presence (as they should), I’ve opted for a pure nature scene this time.
.
moonrise
a pack of wolves
begins its pursuit
Great to see you here, Polona . . . and a new angle with these wolves. I can’t help reading a certain humour into it, in context . . . 🙂
.
– Lorin
🙂
well, yes, a certain metaphorical sense was intended.
however, i didn’t want to emphasize “the big bad wolf”. these incredible creatures with intricate social structure are often misunderstood though in fact they play a massive role in preserving a healthy environment.
I didn’t get any sense of “big bad wolf”. 🙂
.
– Lorin
. . . but are wolves especially associated with winter? (A genuine question, on my part) I have heard of ‘wolf moon’:
https://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/moon/wolf.html
.
– Lorin
not you, but some might… 😉
as for wolf being associated with winter, i’d say it makes sense regardless of what the japanese saijiki says ( and Higginson agrees)… though they are active year-round, encounters between wolves and humans are most likely to appear in wintertime when food is scarce and livestock can become easy prey
Thanks for that, Polona. Yes, ‘wolves’ mostly winter makes sense for the reasons you give. (and I checked with my copy of ‘Haiku World’, too).
.
– Lorin
Amen
Another hokku offering!
*
a dusting of snow
on the welcome mat…
winter moon
*
*
p.s. yep I know, but ‘winter moon’ continues the ‘w’ sounds! ☺
Well, there’s no ban on ‘winter moon’ and yes, the repeated ‘w’ sounds work well.
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– Lorin
Thank you ☺
tiny moons
dance in hot chocolate—
a pile of ice skates
Welcome, Agnes. A sparkling entry!
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– Lorin
silver moon –
down the snowhill
our footprints
Welcome, Anna Maria. This one is nicely done, too.
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– Lorin
Thank you very much Lorin.
and away we go
**************
frosty moon
too large to squeeze
through the cabin door
******************
super moon
a snow man’s shadow
fills the yard
**********
la bella luna
a sigh made known
on the frigid air
Good to see you here, Michael. Of these my immediate favourite is your 2nd.
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– Lorin
Good to be seen
frosty moon —
in each guest’s chilled hands
a mug of mulled wine
laces of hoarfrost –
moon heats the sky
and the silence
Hi Lucia, and welcome. Nicely done, appealing to several senses.
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– Lorin
grazie, Lorin!
Hi Lorin! Greetings all!
.
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cold moon —
a mug of mulled wine
greets each guest
Hi Judt and welcome. Another fine hokku!
.
– Lorin
Hello Lorin, been looking forward to this session 🙂
*
snowbound-
a moonshine glow
on every face
Hi Carol, nice to see you here, and you’ve written a good one.
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– Lorin
🙂 many thanks, Lorin
Hunger moon…
kissing the impact craters
on Mister Lancaster’s face
-Patrick
Hi, Patrick and welcome. 🙂 Out of the google options, I’m guessing Mr. Lancaster isn’t a Northern England crime boss but a character from a book and film. Popular culture?
–
– Lorin
To all not yet used to posting on these THF Renku threads:
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Spaces don’t work. To create a space between more than one verse offer, or between paragraphs in prose etc. we need to add a marker where we want a space to be. . . a dot (as I’ve been doing) a dash or an asterisk all seem to work.
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– Lorin
Hi, Lorin,
Here is my try on hokku:
winter moon…
looking for
my daughter’s smile
wolf moon –
having time
for a friend
winter moon…
silver reflections
on the path
Welcome, Diana. All good haiku.
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– Lorin
Thank you, Lorin!
.
Diana
Happy New Year, all. Welcome Lorin as sabaki!!
Herewith, my offers:
*
coloured turbans
a moonlit sweep
down silvery slopes
*
(the above inspired by a trip to Kashmir in winter)
*
at our doorstep
dripping rainbows
under the moon
*
welcome doona
only night shadows
strike our snug bed
*
Peace and Love
B
Welcome, Barbara.
.
Your first is unusual (because of the turbans) but striking, and will be considered. You 2nd I can well believe as a ‘shasei’ haiku, what with the rainstorms we’ve been having (alternating with great heat) but for this hokku we want a winter moon. Your 3rd might suggest a greeting to all involved in a party of some kind . . . but it’s not a renku party that immediately springs to mind. 🙂
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– Lorin
Sticking my toe in, Lorin …
the last guest
takes off his boots —
snow moon
Welcome, Marilyn. I can’t fault this one either. 🙂
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– Lorin
Great to see you here, Susan. 🙂 This one works well for me, too.
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– Lorin
crossing the ice
guided by the moon
longest night
Hi Lorin, I’ve been looking forward to this! Great to see you as sabaki! ☺
Here’s my first attempt!
*
snow moon…
a porchlight gathering
footprints
*
Hi Brendon, and welcome. Another hokku in the running, here. 🙂
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– Lorin
Thank you Lorin ☺
moonlight
reflecting off the snow—
silence in the forest
__________
moonlit stroll
through the park—
sudden snowfall
__________
moonbeams
through bare branches—
shadows touch her face
__________
Thank you!
Thanks, Robin, and welcome, too. Will be considering these. 🙂
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– Lorin
Thanks, Lorin! 🙂
moon shadow
chasing me in my sleep
finaly snow flakes
Petra L Golob
Thanks, for joining us, too, Petra. 🙂 Will be considering this one.
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– Lorin
snow on the branches-
the scent of calicanto
touches the moon
ah, a lovely verse Angiola. I didn’t recognise the name (in Spanish) but a quick google showed me a familiar, beautifully scented winter blossom. (It’s grown in Australia, too, called ‘Winter Sweet’)
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I’m sorry to have to say we can’t have a blossom or a flower of any sort here, as the Junicho has only one flower/ blossom verse. . . of which, later. 🙂 Also, in a 12 verse (short!) renku, we could have no more than one word in a language other than English. . . seductive as that word might be. 🙂
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Try writing some more hokku for this spot?
.
Lorin
Grazie Lorin
snow on the branches
the silence of the wood
up to the moon
first night of the year-
on the deserted beach
all the moon
Thanks, Angiola, I’ve got them. 🙂
.
– Lorin
Grazie , Lorin,
I like being part of this job
howling . . .
among scudding clouds
winter moon
sleigh ride
the road ahead shimmers
winter moon
chapel in snow
footprints there and back
tonight too
Hi, Lorin! How nice to meet you here 🙂 Many thanks for your invitation to the Renku session, I’ll try to submit my hokku.
Warmest wishes
Marta Chocilowska
Hi Marta, and thanks for joining in with these hokku offers. 🙂
Try rewriting your 2nd one, ‘sleigh ride’, without the 2nd break/ cut after ‘shimmers’ it has at present:
.
sleigh ride/
the road ahead shimmers/
winter moon
.
Do you see what I mean? It’s only the 3rd line that needs to be adjusted.
.
(I love your cat photo, btw, whenever I see it)
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– Lorin
Thank you very much for your comments, Lorin. I noticed that in the previous one there was a double kigo (sleigh ride and winter moon; both mean winter). After the change there is only one kigo and there is no cut after the second verse. Love, Marta
sleigh ride
the road ahead shimmers
in the moonlight
Yes, this ‘sleigh ride’ revision works very well, Marta. Nicely done!
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– Lorin
Thank you, Lorin 🙂
– Marta
Great to see you here, Paul and Betty! 🙂 Early Friday morning for me, Thursday afternoon for you both.
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-Lorin
Hiya! Yeah, a blustery afternoon…hope you are doing well! Cheers! ☺
__/\__ Lorin
…
distant harbour –
wicker fishnets
in the moon’s tow
– Betty Shropshire
A lovely verse, Betty, but consider working on L1, because fishnets aren’t cast out exclusively in winter so lack of a clear season here indicates an autumn moon, by default.
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– Lorin
Yeah, though I worry about a double kigo if ‘wicker fishnets’ is considered all winter. Will ponder some more. Thanks.
Hmmm, Betty. . . but where is ‘wicker fishnets’ considered an ‘all winter’ kigo? The answer is, of course, Japan. And ‘wicker fishnets’ is listed in ‘500 Essential Season Words’, which is a good starting place for beginners. But it’s ‘Japan-ocentric’. (Tell Torres Strait Islanders, Samoans or Balinese fisher-folk that wicker fishnets indicate winter and they’ll laugh out loud. )
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For us who’re writing renku in English with a potential international participation and readership, it’s a balancing act. We can use saijiki as a guide, but with caution and we need to exercise our intuition, too. We accept the tradition that the moon is an autumn kigo unless otherwise indicated. But do we want a hokku set exclusively in Japan?
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– Lorin
revision:
…
tundra moon
another blackfish
slips inside its mouth
– Betty Shropshire
http://alaska.si.edu/record.asp?id=319
re: revision
If you read the link’s history tab, you will see this on the last page which I find especially thought provoking with respect to augury:
“The traditional teaching is that blackfish, like all other creatures, are highly aware of human behavior and will allow themselves to be trapped only by those with clean and careful habits.(5) Special prohibitions—such as never catching blackfish with dip nets—are observed to avoid giving offense to the fish.(6)”
Ok, Betty, I’ve got your revision. Fun with ‘International Geographic’! 🙂 We have a native blackfish in Australia, too. It’d be a different species. .. and of course we don’t have tundra.
–
The closest I’ve been to snow recently was re-watching the Coen Bros. film, ‘Fargo’. A good film to cool down with on a 41+C day. 🙂
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– Lorin
snowy yard
our house shadow
followed by moonlight
==
I like the slow movement, Paul. Proof that ‘the haiku moment’ (or ‘hokku moment’) isn’t necessarily the moment of a snapshot. 🙂
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– Lorin