The Renku Sessions: Hokku Invitation
I regret to report that no one offered to lead this session. That is not a surprise, though a disappointment. And so, we go with Plan B.
We will be composing a twelve verse, Jûnichô, renku. Our ninth THF renku session begins now, with an invitation for hokku.
Drawing from William J. Higginson’s “Renku Home” website, here is what we are told about this format:
Practical Guidelines for the Jûnichô Renku Form
by Seijo Okamoto, Master of the Haikai Sesshin
translated by William J. Higginson and Tadashi Kondô
- A renku must have literary value and a sense of stylishness. This is what Bashô called “timeless and fashionable” (fueki ryûkô).
- A twelve-tone renku consists of twelve stanzas. There is no front or back. One blossom stanza, which may be any flower in any season–it need not be cherry blossoms. One moon stanza, which may be any sort of moon in any season. About two love stanzas, in any position. About half the verses will be seasonal (a pair each for spring and autumn, one each summer and winter), and half non-seasonal, in a flexible order. About half with human focus, the rest on places, animals, plants, and the like.
- Progression and diversity are the essence of renku. Accordingly, a wide variety of things in nature and the world of humans should appear.
Requirements for our hokku:
- either a spring or autumn verse
- three lines
- a single cut/grammatical break (kireji)
Please use the “Leave a Reply” box, below, to submit your hokku offers. I will be reviewing them until the submission deadline of midnight, New York time, on Monday, September 3. My selection and commentary, together with an invitation for the second verse (wakiku), will appear here on Thursday, September 6.
I look forward to seeing your hokku offers!
John Stevenson
This Post Has 96 Comments
Comments are closed.
Thanks, everyone. The submission period is now closed and you have given me a great deal to mull over and appreciate. See you here again on Thursday!
county fair…
judges measure
a hay bale toss
lantern glow
from the back porch, glints
off a passing train
– Betty Shropshire
*
*
cold dew
the radiance of cardinals
skirting distant mums
*
red leaf raspberry tea
just a nip
for the poetaster
*
yesterday’s news
imbued with the quietus of
self disclosure
*
*
Greetings all
.
.
another long night
mist haloes
around pier lamps
spring peepers . . .
waiting for them
to start up again
batter up!
the opening game
of spring training
thank you, John, for doing this again.
just to pop in:
.
corn stubble
collared doves mingle
with the pigeons
amidst the gloam
one pawlonia leaf, too
heeds its pull
-Bett Shropshire
coaxing open
my hardened heart
squash blossom
A few attempts, John. Hope it’s not too many at once!
.
ants unzip
a sugary sheath
early peony
.
fresh culms
on the bamboo
family reunion
.
cheerful chatter
accompanying our walk
spring freshet
.
hay-gathering
the interest of a horse
over the fence
.
a flicker of swallows
under the bridge
morning light
.
in a month with ‘r’
a dozen fresh oysters
by the riverside
.
Dear John,
Happy and thanks for this invitation. Here is my hokku
jasmine blossoms
first gift of morning
from above
Thank you for leading, John.
Here is my offering:
shooting stars
the hayride
about to begin
a rice harvest
neighbors arrive singing
folk songs
.
autumn fair
the scent of hay
as the rodeo begins
Hi again, John. Here are a few for consideration…
.
.
hazy morning
the delegates await the arrival
of their master
.
guest nod to each other
at the entrance
morning glories
.
Halloween treats …
the farmer’s son feeds
the smallest pumpkin
.
silvery moon
the jingle of spare change
in the scarecrow’s pocket
.
he taps his glass
to call order . . .
cricket song
.
white linen . . .
bowls of apples gifted
by the old tree
sun –
in dandelion’s yellow
me and the wind
—————————————-
garlic in bloom –
from the seaside bars
smell of paint
from flower to flower
and my eyes with it
a bee
*
river fog –
a ray brush
on the hawthorn
*
small tuft
of unfamiliar flowers-
gray spring morning
a breath
of sweet mountain air
skylark’s song
swirling leaves
the last train leaves
the platform
Verse 3:
…
pink throats
of baby birds
dawn chorus
Verse 2:
…
the village green
we dance around the maypole
weaving ribbons and dreams
Verse 1:
…
morning joy
all eyes follow the lark
ascending
violets
arrive without a card-
low cello notes
rhododendrons-
a flock of birdwatchers
pause and point
–
what’s the use?
crows seem indifferent to
still rags and straw
–
childhood sanctuary-
tamping down
the tall grasses
Emerocallis
my nephew’s
long legs
Emerocallis? I don’t know the word and have had no luck looking it up. Can you tell me what it means?
John and Severa, my guess is that Emerocallis is intended as Hemerocallis: the daylily.
.
What season, though? I associate them with summer.
.
– Lorin
si John e Lorin Hemerocallis = liliacea dagli steli molto lunghi, che si notano molto quando è sfiorito, io pensavo al kigo nipote0= primavera ma se non va bene riproverò. Grazie
Thanks, Severa, Yes, I think they do begin in spring. You might tryusing the common name, in English for Hemerocallis: daylily (singular) or daylilies (plural).
.
-Lorin
Thank you so much, Lorin
daylilies
my nephew’s
long legs
hearing their calls
from within the clouds
itinerant ducks
harvest moon –
filling the demijohn
with sloes
storm clouds –
a hedgerow anchored
with wild plums
2 there but the space between disappeared! 😀
There’s probably a simpler way of avoiding this loss of spacing but what I’ve been doing is putting a period on each line that I want to be blank.
.
Like this.
Ah! Thanks 🙂
swallows in flight –
chicory’s flowers
they color the sky
how clear
the morning dew –
end of summer
Thank you so much , John ! I learnt a lot through your comment. May I offer more of hokku?
Oh, yes. Please do make more offers!
.
labor day
the gift of a millione’er
to a blushing brrreyed
.
Thank you. I would love to hear you say this out loud!
ha ha! thanks John – I’m afraid I’m not much of a performance artist, however, your point is well taken. If renku was (were?) an oral composition the ambiguity presented in the written form might be difficult to communicate.
My first attempt to write hokku
autumn clouds –
in the half light of a room
white chrysantemums
Welcome, Anna Maria. This is a nice start.
.
Your hokku has two kigo (season words) – “autumn” and “chrysanthemums” (which are considered an autumn topic in renku). There is no rule against multiple kigo but one factor, in such a short poem, is taking up space by effectively saying the same thing twice. This can be either an asset or a liability. And the distinction can be hard to call.
Thank you for your comment John.
lo the full moon
in a thousand faces-
pumpkin garden
*
in this year
the crickets begun to sing
much earlier
*
in a thousand places
the poets get ready to write
a fall junicho
Thank you, Vasile.
I am new to renku, John, but I’d like to offer this hokku:
lotus’ wide leaf
bisects the grand muse
of a frog and a fish
Welcome. I hope you will enjoy the collaborative spirit of renku!
candy corn
more decoration
than anything
***********
pumpkin bread
from a recipe
in grandma’s hand
****************
leaves..
the color of cider
the color of wine
Thanks, Michael Henry.
sacred kingfisher –
spring begins
with an azure flash
.
http://www.birdsinbackyards.net/species/Todiramphus-sanctus
.
Lorin
Thanks, Lorin. The link is very helpful.
snapper run –
the lights of small boats
dance on the bay
.
– Lorin
Hi, Lorin.
.
I like this verse. What season are you thinking of?
Hi John,
Early spring is when they start running in Port Philip Bay. The indigenous people shared the timetable early in the piece, and by my time as a small kid I was up before dawn to see my father and his mates off from the beach across the road. 🙂
.
I’ve now googled & this bloke has it right:
.
“I find the first run of snapper in Port Phillip bay is just before early September or late August around the full moon.”
https://snapper-rigs.com/melbourne-snapper-catch-port-phillip-bay/
.
““The Right Time to Fish
The best time to fish in early spring is at the first and the last light, as the bite times are quite short. The bite time increases and the fish become faster as the season progresses, and you may even try your luck in the middle of the day.”
https://snapper-rigs.com/melbourne-snapper-season/
.
Around this recent full moon is the time they’ve begun. They continue throughout spring.
.
– Lorin
ps John,
By the calendar, today, September 1st, is the first day of spring for all Australia, but in reality our seasons don’t fit into the traditional European four seasons. But then, neither do the Japanese seasons.
.
– Lorin
Thank you, John, for starting this junicho.
Herewith, my offers for hokku:
*
aiming high
around the mulberry bush
all the chooks
*
morning assembly
jasmine, wisteria scents
intoxifying
*
a gentle dance
splays of pink orchids
in the breeze
Thanks, Barbara. I had to look up “chooks.” That’s fun.
.
See my comments below about multiple cuts (kireji).
first rain –
in the vernal pool
salamanders dance
Thank you, Linda!
This verse has two cuts – after each of the first two lines. I commented on this with an earlier verse offer, by another poet. Placing a prepositional phrase before that which it modifies is so common in English-language haiku that it’s a kind of cliche. We do it so often because it’s a good way of creating the required cut (kireji). But this verse doesn’t need a second kireji because it has already created a full stop with the dash at the end of line one.
.
Through the years of THF renku sessions I’ve noted that different session leaders have differing priorities. One of mine has been effective line structure and, in particular, the effective use of kireji. The hokku is the only renku verse with this feature and, as we go on, I will be reminding poets who are used to writing haiku that renku is not a sequence of haiku. After the hokku, which is the only renku verse that has the potential to stand alone – in large part because of the action of the kireji – the poetry happens between rather than within individual renku verses.
Thank you John. Would these then both be structurally in keeping with your lesson?
first rain
in the vernal pool
salamanders dance
first rain –
salamanders dance
in a vernal pool
Just saw this question, Linda.
.
The second version definitely has a single cut – after line one.
.
The first version is what I call a hinge verse. We have our choice between reading:
.
first rain
in the vernal pool
.
as an unbroken phrase. In which case the poem has a single cut. But we can also read this as:
.
first rain (-)
in the vernal pool (,)
salamanders dance
.
In which case, there are two breaks, after lines one and two.
*
still life
the tulips’ slow bow
to the artists
*
*
PS. I’m very happy with Plan B. Thank you!
Thank you, Liz. I haven’t entirely given up on plan A yet but happy to go with B if necessary.
Singing cardinals
Disintegrate
Winter silence
Thank you, Maryam.
.
Unless you mean that the cardinals disintegrate, this verse has no cut (kireji).
Thank you for your invitation to this Renku session, John 🙂
*
autumn sky
a cloud behind plane
drafts a line
Thank you, Marta.
verse 2
*
clear water
in a rock pool
swallows dip
Thanks, Carol. I like the tone of this.
Here is my proposal, I am expert on renku and I would like to write something new :
shorter days –
in the crock jar
last lemon
Thank you, Angiola.
Terrible, I wanted to write that I’m NOT renku practice, sorry John Stevenson !!!!!
Nothing to apologize for. I have the advantage of being able to go into the Haiku Foundation website and correct my typos. And I have had to do it four times, just today!
verse 1
*
end
of bitter winds
nightingales sing
Thanks, Carol.
.
I don’t know what I think about starting a renku with the single word/ line “end.” It’s interesting but also seems a little arch.
I quite agree, far too harsh.
Hello John
Thank you for this session.
Just to ask are we allowed up to three attempts?
Hi Carol,
I’m used to reading a lot of haiku, so I say send as many as you think are good ones, within reason.
J
Thanks John.
Very new to renku. I have been watching the last cycle in hopes I might contribute as well. I look forward to learning through practice.
breathing inꟷ
scent of new growth
in the trees
Thank you. Looks like there is a special character at the end of your first line but I’m not sure what it is.
Happy to start a new adventure
my verses
azure sky –
in a cracked pot
new tiny leaves
Thank you, Marina.
.
You have two breaks here. After the first and second lines. A prepositional phrase before that which it modifies is a frequently used English-language haiku tool for creating a kireji. But you already have a kireji with the full stop and change of subject between lines one and two. And you intensify this effect by saying “new tiny leaves” instead of “tiny new leaves” in line three. A simplified version of this verse might read, for instance:
.
azure sky-
tiny new leaves
in a cracked pot
thank you for your comment and revision
“A prepositional phrase before that which it modifies is a frequently used English-language haiku tool for creating a kireji. ” – John
.
I didn’t know that, John. All these years and it’s escaped me!
.
– Lorin
Yes. If you have an image:
.
black pocketbooks
on shelf
after shelf
.
a haiku poet is likely to present it as:
.
on shelf
after shelf
black pocketbooks
.
It’s almost a reflex. Check out any English-language haiku journal and see how often you see this construction. In my own poems, I generally read the the image in its more natural order in order to consider its poetic value separate from this device. The device adds something but I want my poems to have that plus something that doesn’t depend upon the device.
Thanks, John. I understand now. Yes, I’m familiar with the structure, just didn’t realize people were using it to seem to cut the verse. I’ve used it myself. Other times, I’ve referred to it as “the drum roll pause”. 🙂
.
– Lorin
How much I was waiting for it to begin. I wanted to offer my help in starting it. But I am still an amateur and in learning stage.
Here is my 1st hokku-
scarecrow . . .
the girl in new dress
orbits around it
Thank you, Aparna, for getting us started. There is no better way to learn than by doing. There is no better time for doing than the “learning stage.”
Also, a couple of comments about your hokku offer.
.
The diction in the second line is somewhat truncated, to my ear. A more natural version would be “the girl in a new dress” and I would also suggest “a girl in a new dress” because a comparison does not seem to be implied (between the well dressed girl and other girls). The comparison to the scarecrow does not need to be pointed out. It is in the nature of scarecrows to be sporting old clothing.
.
In the third line, “around” is redundant. If she orbits “through,” “within” or some other preposition, it should be stated but an orbit “around” is so expected that it need not be stated. This leaves you room to do more with the third line. Actually, I would keep “around” and trade “orbits” for some other descriptive verb – “sashays,” “struts,” etc. A good choice here could make this verse “pop.”
Thank you so.much , john for your feedback on my hokku. It is great to learn through it. May I submit more or only one verse is allowed ?
Please submit more – as many as you think are good ones!
Thank you, John !! ☺️