The Renku Sessions: Cotton Clouds – Week 15

Welcome to the current renku session. I am John Stevenson and I’ll be your guide for a twenty verse, nijûin renku.

We will be using an on-line list of season words and phrases (kigo) for those verses that require a seasonal reference:  https://yths.org/season-word-list/

Here is my short list of verse 15 offerings:

the quiet of twilight
applauded
only by the moon

Pamela Garry

applauding
the moon
in ASL

John Stevenson (just for fun)

the moon
forever near
the earth

Richard Straw

our canoe wake
ripples
the moon

Jonathan Alderfer

straining to see
what they heard outside
with only the moon’s help

Debbie Feller

the yes
no maybe
of moonlight

wendy c. bialek

moon viewing
makes me hunger
for cheese

Tracy Davidson

silent
silent
moonlight

rob barkan

the full moon
hides behind
a maple leaf

Orense Nicod

moonlit winds
coax the forest
to loosen its leaves

Anna N Jennings

while the moon delivers
a message
in invisible ink

Laurie Greer

wheat beards
on the chin
of the rising moon

Margaret Anderson

super moon light
shivers San Francisco Bay
gold then silver

Clysta Seney

a flock of geese
        cuts the moon
in thirds

Belinda Behne

moonlit sea
whispers
forever

Anne Fox

raindrops
fade to black
before the moon

VJ Green

the rigging rests
under the pull
of a shining moon

Debbie Scheving

the corn moon casts
shadows
on the fields

Nancy Brady

One of the many things about this mode of composition that differs from live renku is the lack of opportunities for me to easily provide guidance to those who are new to the art. I’ve been trying to touch on some of the things that seem most important for newcomers to know with each of these commentaries but I don’t get to see directly how clearly I have been communicating other than seeing that certain things have not been absorbed.

What I will add to my instructions this time is the idea that special care should be taken at all times not to duplicate any images from the hokku (first verse) or the “leap over verse” (the verse before the one to which we are currently linking). The general principle of renku involves continuous forward motion. Anything that draws our attention to a verse other than the one we are currently linking with is counterproductive of forward motion. The hokku, for instance, contains the phrase “cotton clouds.” No other clouds will be included in this renku.

Before announcing my selection, I want to say somethings about why certain of my “short list” verses did not get selected. In each case, I found the verse very attractive but passed on it, in the end.

First of all, there were many attractive offers from poets already included in the renku. That, by itself, is a crucial factor. A renku is a social event and inclusion is an important factor. With twenty verses, we will have, at best, twenty poets. And I hope that anyone who cannot be included will at least feel that they were seen and considered.

the yes
no maybe
of moonlight

wendy c. bialek

I love this verse. I passed on it only because the “leap over verse” is in the form of a question and this verse is all about answers.

the moon
forever near
the earth

Richard Straw

This is also quite wonderful. I have passed over it based upon a social consideration. You may have noticed that Richard Straw has been “short listed” almost every week, so far. My belief is that he is likely to offer something good for each of the remaining five verses, so I can wait and see what else he may offer. Also, with well over twenty poets and only twenty verses, the main secondary thing I can offer is the “short list.” So, even if I don’t select a verse from him, I have amply demonstrated that I appreciate his work.

super moon light
shivers San Francisco Bay
gold then silver

Clysta Seney

While many verses, so far, have strongly implied colors, none have named them. Unfortunately, the “leap over verse” contains our first proper noun – “Caesar.” While it might be alright to include a second proper noun in a twenty verse renku, it should not be done so quickly unless it is a mechanism of linking with the immediately prior verse.

moonlit winds
coax the forest
to loosen its leaves

Anna N Jennings

This is an excellent seasonal verse and links nicely with the previous verse. But we had “downhill like a rocket” followed by Cleopatra (unnamed) being released from a bag or a rug in the “leap over.” So, wind loosening leaves may be coming too soon to renew this sense of motion as a central image.

our canoe wake
ripples
the moon

Jonathan Alderfer

Beautiful precision.  My concern is “our.” We have just completed a final series of love verses. While we could include a third love verse here, I am sticking to the expected order of verses. And I want each of the verses to be clearly seen as what is expected. While this verse does not have to be read as a love verse (and probably was not intended as such) it could easily be read as one in this position.

Here is my choice for the fifteenth verse:

a flock of geese
       cuts the moon
in thirds

Belinda Behne

Also, a matter of beautiful precision. In contrast to the previous, cricket verse, which features a drawn-out moment of suspense, this verse involves a split-second moment of observation.

So, here is what we have, so far:

Cotton Clouds (working title)

a pinto colt
canters the meadow
cotton clouds

John Stevenson

muddied boots
on the welcome mat

Jennifer Sutherland

a bounty
of tulips spilling
over the vase

Eavonka Ettinger

the comfort of song
sung together

Anne Fox

the hermit crab’s
new shell glistens
in the moonlight

Sally Biggar

he fell for the sundress
on bare shoulders

Debbie Scheving

sweet nothings
with a hint
of Bengay

Diana Ming Jeong

we tip the busker
for attempting ‘teen spirit’

Margaret Anderson

everyone dies
at the end but
we keep reading

Devin Wilson

paper cuts
not withstanding

Michael Henry Lee

the stoic grin
on the cooling face
of the gingerbread man

Laurie Greer

downhill like a rocket
on a baking pan

rob barkan

is she in a sack
or is it a rug that rolls
out before Caesar

madeleine kavanagh

crickets
as he waits for a kiss

Orense Nicod

a flock of geese
      cuts the moon
in thirds

Belinda Behne

This week, we will be working on the sixteenth verse. This will be two lines. It will be an autumn verse. It must contain a season word or phrase from our list of autumn kigo. Note, also, that this is the final verse of the “ha” (middle part) of this renku and, thus, your last chance to be rowdy.

Please enter a maximum of five verse-sixteen offers. The deadline for submission will be midnight, eastern US time on Monday, August 4.

Looking forward to your final “ha” verses!

John

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