The Renku Sessions: Barely Time – Week 8
Hello again. This is John Stevenson and I will be facilitating a twelve verse renku, in the Jûnichô style. Over the coming weeks we will add one new verse each week, selected from your offers.
This week brought in 137 verse seven offers, from 34 poets.
I have a lot to answer for this week. So, let’s get started.
My selection for verse six contains the words “apple juice.” Verse four contains “Molasses.” While any sort of strong or direct linking to an earlier renku verse might be considered a flaw, linking to either the hokku or to the last-but-one verse (e.g. verse four, when selecting verse six) is considered a serious flaw. So, I goofed.
As has been pointed out, this particular imperfection could be fixed by changing the name of the racehorse in verse four. Similarly, since Lorin is continuing to press the case for capitalization of “earthrise” in verse two, a change will be made there; selecting something else, clearly not a proper noun, that is “still fresh in our memories.”
Marietta McGregor raised a couple of questions. “(M)aybe John would like to clarify further, that ‘remaining heat’ must apply purely to weather, not to anywhere else, such as the warmth of a bed.”
Yes, that’s right. If you look at the list of kigo, you will see that they are arranged in groupings under each season, with headings such as “Animals,” “Plants,” “The Heavens,” etc. The particular kigo, “remaining heat,” is listed under “Autumn – The Season.” It cannot be successfully deployed as a kigo unless it refers to the portion of early autumn characterized by remaining heat. This does not mean that such a phrase cannot be used for other purposes in a renku but it does mean that it cannot function as a kigo if it refers to things like the remaining heat of a cup of coffee, or of a relationship, or of the final round of a sporting competition.
Marietta also noted: “I’m also worried about ‘stickiness’ — of child seats, mud, Molasses and juicy chins. I can’t help making connections, rightly or wrongly.” This tendency to apply imagination to the finding of connections is easily overdone. Everything is connected and I believe that, given full play to my imagination, I could connect every verse of any renku I’ve ever seen. There is no stickiness overtly offered in regard to the child seats. It’s easy to imagine but it’s also easy to imagine that the temperature and humidity are low enough that the seats are not sticky. It’s easy to imagine that the baby is “sticky” in some ways but also easy to imagine otherwise. And “mud” is not currently presented anywhere in the renku, although it was mentioned in the discussion about the racehorse. We can sometimes find ourselves trying to link to things that were suggested but not actually used. As for “Molasses and juicy chins,” stickiness is the least of our problems. When I change “Molasses” it will be to something less notably sticky.
Finally, Polona Oblak observed, “another imperfection in this pairing: ‘from the pines’ followed by ‘from her chin.’”
This happens a lot in English-language renku. As do things like repeated use of articles. We have, for instance, six instances of “the” in the first six verses. If we were writing for a competition, I would want to find ways to alter any of this that seemed easily modified.
Polona goes on to say, “(O)h well, we’re only human therefore not infallible.” I think that would serve nicely as the keynote for our renku practice.
Here are some of the verses that struck me as candidates for our second love verse:
forbidden
and yet so far
so good
Richard Straw
mature love
only a different style
of fun & games
Laurie Greer
the tingle
that teases
her core
Tracy Davidson
a diamond collar
and the long leash
that comes after
Betty Shropshire
parting gift(s)
of (a) cigar case to him
and red lip gloss to her
Lakshmi Iyer
tabloids full
of celebrity divorce’s
spicy details
Polona Oblak
a red bikini
drapes over
the balcony rail
Kathleen Trocmet
Note: “Swimming” is listed as a summer kigo. If I was going to use this verse, I would want to think of some other intimate attire; something less associated with a particular season.
how they astonish each other
with the portraits
of their marriage
Laurie Greer
who says
a woman can’t also
pop the question
Chris Patchel
A question about a question, without a question mark!
husbands are handy
when hanging
photos
Wendy C. Bialek
rumour of an affair
filters through
social media
Carol Jones
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
a close shave
in the closet
as hubby returns
Keith Evetts
OUR SEVENTH VERSE
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
Having firmly established that we have reached the love verses with verse six, we can afford to proceed with a lighter touch.
Our Renku, So Far (note modifications to verses 2, 4 and 6)
BARELY TIME
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
9/11 still fresh
in our memories
Lorin Ford
somehow forgetting
the baby
in the back seat
Tracy Davidson
a racehorse
named Tortuga
Dan Campbell
the fog
has borrowed its scent
from the pines
Polona Oblak
he licks the apple juice
on her chin
Nancy Brady
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
THIS WEEK
Please offer candidates for an eighth verse, using these guidelines:
- Two lines
- Winter – containing a winter kigo from our list: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html
- Linking with the seventh verse only (no obvious linking to any of the first six verses)
- Let’s have a purely nature image – no human presence
- Late entry: let’s make this a moon verse, since I’ve edited out the moon reference from verse two.
- Without an internal grammatical break or pause
Please enter your offers in the comments section, below. Offers should be made by midnight, eastern US time, on Monday, August 8. On Thursday, August 11 I will post a selection of the offers, with my comments, and select the eighth verse for “Barely Time.”
Looking forward to your offers,
John Stevenson
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
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hackled orb weaver’s last attempt
to wrap the cold moon
08.08.2022 by wendy © bialek
orb weaver’s last attempt
to wrap the cold moon
08.08.2022 by wendy © bialek
no lee from
the winter moon
moonlight on the snow
the fox and rabbit dance
the snowy owl
glides in the moonlight
a snowy owl crosses
the winter moon
I haven’t been able to consistently keep up with the evolution of this renku, but after reading John’s discussion notes preceding the selection of “walking barefoot” today, I, too, wondered about “barely” and “barefoot” — which I then saw Keith Evetts also queried. It seems to me that, especially in a renku with only 12 linked verses, it would be a good idea to avoid repeating the same word, however modified or compounded . . .
yes. to the same word not to be repeated…..but are these two, the same word? vicky
correction: vicki
the eyes of a hawk
under a cold moon
*
the moon sits
over wintered mountains
*
withered grasses glow
under a cold moon
*
cold and clear
and a winter moon
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
*
moonlight barred
by the pond’s unyielding black ice
– Betty Shropshire
the winter moon’s wan smile
cracks open
the winter moon
goes with the floes
winter moon alone
and palely loitering
the winter moon caught
in palm trees too
an arc of flying fish
in the winter moon
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
*
moonlit fjords scarred
by the howling north winds
– Betty Shropshire
screech of a barn owl
cold as the moonlight
‘screech’ might be tot close to ‘tongue’ : /
winter moon
guiding the penguin patrol
****
abandoned penguin
gazing at the winter moon
****
penguins honking
at the winter moon
****
penguins diving
into the winter moon
.
.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
.
.
the lone wolf summons
the snow moon
.
the snow moon
and its captive audience
.
the snow moon melts
on the lone wolf’s tongue
.
leaving only paw-prints
on the snow moon
.
.
Congrats Jonathan!
.
.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
.
.
the cold moon
at the end of a sentence
.
the cold moon
takes a pregnant pause
.
hangman
with the cold moon
.
.
the moon also rises
over winter mountains
08.07.2022 by wendy © bialek
snow-capped mountains juggle
the cold moon higher
08.07.2022 by wendy © bialek
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
*
winter moon’s gentle tug
wakes a sleeping volcano
– Betty Dhropshire
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
*
a great white shark breaches
the winter moonrise
– Betty Shropshire
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
the cool touch of winter moonlight
calms the withered field
*
those free cows
sitting under a shady tree
neighing horse
add to the mystery of the forest under the crescent moon
fly back to fly under the rainy moon
bat looking for fruit
the crow’s caw-caw
at the naked winter moon
the indifference of moonlight
to a winter cherry
winter moon
over the sensimilla
(or if Spanish preferred, sinsemilla)
the moon fails
to melt an icicle
the freedom of the wolf on the hilltop
shining in the moonlight
loose and free
before it hits the ground
under the full moon
the grass is so fresh
Congratulations , dear Jonathan
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
moon over snow
for a spell
the winter moon’s
long stretch of river
the cold moon
missing a bat
Congratulations Jonathan!
.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
the howl of a wolf
echoes in the moonlit sky
an ocean moon rocks
in silvery foam
moonshine
on a blanket of snow
tangling in bare branches
a winter moon
.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
*
the genesis of misery
for such mere snowflakes
– Betty Shropshire
well shucks . . . just saw the moon directive. Scratch this.
Betty
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
-Jonathan Alderfer
the full frontal
winter moon
oysters thanking the winter moon
for tonight’s high tide
***
tonight’s tide
is a winter moon symphony
***
the winter moon using
the lake as a mirror
love, especially, the last one, dan
Many thanks, Wendy!
winter fly goes moonless
in a microwave
08.05.2022 by wendy © bialek
BEWARE: the above verse contains subject matter that may have remnants of human consumption/ findings or references…that we have been advised no to have in this segment of our renku.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
—Jonathan Alderfer
a couple of cold crow
settle on the moon
a spinning top settles
on the winter moon
a leafless tree holds
the winter moon
tree without leaves
holding the winter moon
trees cold and naked
holding the moon
move over wispy clouds
the winter moon is rising
08.06.2022 by wendy © bialek
withered fields bathed
by a mellow moon
water freezes over
as the bright moon goes by
or maybe-
rivers freeze over
as the bright moon moves on
a little moon
in every nandin berry
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
and:
a tiny moon
in every nandin berry
08.05.2022 by wendy © bialek
snow clouds
the mood of the moon
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner – Jonathan Alderfer
.
this winter moon
caught in an oyster shell
.
an oyster shell’s nacre
reflects the winter moon
.
hauled up from the south pacific
this winter moon
.
a huddle of penguins
under the winter moon
cold carp
kiss the moon
08.05.2022 by wendy © bialek
ooops
a cold carp
kissing the moon
08.05.2022 by wendy © bialek
this can stay as well. disregard the oooops below
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
-Jonathan Alderfer
winter moon’s fighting
the battle of the bulge
what the winter moon
reveals conceals
what the winter moon
reveals and conceals
we take each other
prisoner
—Jonathan Alderfer
***
pity those wolves on planets
with two full wintry moons
***
the winter moon whistling
as it wanders in the night
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the new winter moon
with the old in her arms
*
free, not a number,
the winter moon
*
winter moonlight
astir in tide pools
*
feather-chasing swallows
in late winter moonlight
*
a pilgrim’s path lit
by the winter moon
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
the winter moon escapes
its icicle cage
*
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
—Jonathan Alderfer
***
winter moon
nesting in an oak tree
***
oysters clap instead of howl
beneath the winter moon
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
the withered fields make their appeal
to the merciful moon
moonlight illuminates
icebound waterfalls
clear moonlight across
a snowbound wilderness
John, I like your approach to address any questions in the introduction to the following verse. and these were some efficient edits.
well done, Jonathan!
huh, and already a busy comments section…
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
1)fallen leaves
still string of oneness in moonlight
*****
2) special moonlight
on withered pampered grass
******
3) cold crow
avoids moonlight’s glide
4) what if moon or sun
winter fly all the time
****
5)frost captured
by tantalizing winter moon
***
6) winter rain mild
On balcony’ shade of sly moon
good-night moon
full in the winter sky
.
enough moonlight
for every snowflake
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
the pristine drift of plastic-laced snow
in the winter moonlight
*
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
*
hoodoos sculpted
by withering winds
– Betty Shropshire
This is wonderful, Betty. As this is a winter verse it reminded me of the essays I’ve read by John Muir when he and fellow adventurers went to Alaska.
All the very best with this verse.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
the winter moon pulls the pod of orcas
to safety
*
the pod of whales tows the winter moon
out to sea
oh–I guess I need a winter kigo in addition to winter moon.
Revisions:
the moon pulls the cold carp
to safety
*
the cold silver carp tow the moon
out to sea
wild ducks
take a spin on their pond
bare branches
capture the winter moon
no escape
from the circling hawk
Oops! Only just seen the late addition of making it a moon verse. Oh, well, one qualifies anyway.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
the hawk calls for a third of the world
left free for the wild
*
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
–Jonathan Alderfer
snow clouds veil
a winter moon
.
a full moon coincides
with the winter solstice
.
a winter moon watches
polar bears hunt
huskies howling
at the winter moon
***
the winter moon
hiding its dark side
***
oysters dream of migrating
beneath the winter moon
such rich reading and learning, thank you to all
(trigger finger – it should read – )
*
snow moon
rests on granite
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
*
snow moon
rest on granite
frost in the sand
catching winters moon
alternatively:
softly the sand
catches winters moon
_______________________________
crystalized dew
caught by winters moon
alternatively:
the winter moon
crystalizing dew
(First time ever trying this! Hopefully I followed the rules, ha.)
Welcome, Vincenza!
geese leave a silhouette
on the wintry moon
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
Yes, that’s a nice one, Wendy. 🙂
… and you could even go:
.
silhouettes of geese
crossing (or ‘across’) the wintry moon
(use it or lose it..it’s just a suggestion for you to consider)
lorin….these are wonderful!!! and very poetic suggestions!!!! i find great merit in all of these…in fact, i doodled one just like these, on a pad while working on it….i don’t have to choose just one. so i will enter all these as well. not instead, but along with the original i posted.
your edits, though more, poetic, coverts a snap shot in time, (like a shasei) to a video….
silhouettes of geese
crossing the wintry moon
wendy c. bialek with edits from lorin ford.
silhouettes of geese
across the wintry moon
wendy c. bialek with edits from lorin ford.
this is the one i doodled:
silhouettes of geese
cross the wintry moon
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
the reason i posted the less poetic one:
geese leave a silhouette
on the wintry moon
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
is that it slows motion down….like a camera….and just imprints an image on top of another image, FREEZES it! making it a montage…..a moment in time, that stays on the retina of your mind’s eye…..sealed and stamped, relished and enjoyed in its motionless, coldness!
that is all lost for me in the video….of geese in continuous, fluid motion which is the more conventional approach we are most used to seeing, and writing about.
so i made a conscious decision to sacrifice my wordy poetics for a unique technique that i feel enhances the feeling of winter coldness.
though, the poetics are admittingly outstanding in the video approach.
also….my link is “leave”….to give
i don’t want to break the rules…. i thought john said we shouldn’t post edits on any posts….but if john has changed this….ruling….”what is good for the goose is good for the gander” LOL!!!!,
correction
your edits convert
a wonderful ending Wendy, takes us to all the future ….
susan….just would like a little clarification here….
when you said “ending” were you referring to the last line of my verse, the last of the winter verses or a last verse, (ageku) of a renku?(or something else???)
this one is a keeper!
thank you for your attention on it, lorin
and thank you for your encouraging words…susan.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
.
Jonathan Alderfer
.
Congratulations, Jonathan. 🙂
Question: we have “barely time” in the title and hokku — and now “barefoot” in v7. Is this okay??
And: the moon, unmodified an autumn kigo, is freighted with associations of the eternal feminine and love. We have just had two autumn love verses…
Meanwhile:
the winter moon’s
daylight robbery
there’s no going back
for the winter moon
the winter moon
in a web of cloud
the winter moon
breaks out the moonshine
just the wind whistles
at the winter moon
pox marks all over
the winter moon
gold moonlight repairs
cracks in the ice
the winter moon reset
after each extinction
i find it okay….they have different meanings….one is almost and the other is completely not there.
but what matters is how john calls it.
“Question: we have “barely time” in the title and hokku — and now “barefoot” in v7. Is this okay??” – Keith
.
🙂 Keith, the late John Carley, a person from the North of England with a sense of humour even when dying, would’ve called your concerns here “forensic”. ‘Barely time’, to me, means ‘just enough time/ almost not enough time’, but does ‘barefoot’ mean ‘just enough foot’ or ‘not enough foot’?
.
….and if I now suggest a barefaced winter moon?….
… or a po-faced winter moon? 🙂
we’ve had two love verses, the first of which is set in autumn whereas the second one is nonseasonal (although things could be said about barefoot but let’s not go there since it isn’t mentioned in our reference list). winter moon per se has nothing to do with love. as i see it, the moon is the satellite orbiting the earth and other (feminine, love etc) associations are irrelevant unless directly alluded to
barely time and barefoot – i see no issue whatsoever
“. . . (although things could be said about barefoot but let’s not go there since it isn’t mentioned in our reference list). ” – Polona
True, Polona, ‘barefoot’ isn’t mentioned in the ‘500 Essential Season Words’, the kiyose we’re going by.
It is considered as a kigo in Higginson’s ‘Haiku World’, though:
P 130 –
” BAREFOOT, hadashi (all summer) What better symbol of summer than feet’s freedom from shoes and socks?
ohashi nite
neru matenro e
hadashi muke
on the great bridge
sleeping, bare feet
toward the skyscrapers — Takashi Kodaira, Japan [k] ”
.
& Basho wrote one, at least. Here is a translation:
Taking a nap,
feet planted
against a cool wall. – Basho (trans. – Robert Hass )
palona and lorin….i would think that seasonal/barefoot only matters if your subject(s) are outdoors.
we are free to go barefoot indoors at any season….in jonathan’s verse….he doesn’t indicate outside or inside….but, if one views this love encounter, as i do, as occurring inside ….my belief is that it is immune to a seasonal stamp.
yes, Wendy, that’s one of the reasons i didn’t want to make an issue of it. no big deal when writing for fun but i’d want to avoid this kind of reference altogether if writing for a contest
yes…i agree palona, it is best to avoid using distracting seasonal references…as it muddies the reader’s understanding and directional placement of verse. ..and would be disqualifying in a contest of more scrutiny.
correction: polona
Congrats, Jonathan…what a wonderful love verse. I plan on writing a few verses to it before the deadline on Monday evening.
John, thanks for taking on this renku and maneuvering through all the pitfalls associated with them. I appreciate all of your comments from week to week as well as your decisions
Speaking only for myself, I participate because I am trying to understand the form and all the linking that goes along with the different verses. Frankly, I don’t always understand the links and verses, but I figure every week is a learning experience for me. I wonder about the fact that each poet has their own life experiences which affects how they see various verses.
Thank you again for choosing one of my verses, and that you modified it, that’s fine, too. I am just glad that you have taken on this role and are willing to teach us, or at least me, how to write renku. I may never understand the form entirely, but I am learning. On the other hand, some of the verses I have written have turned (with modification) into haiku, which have been accepted in journals. Thanks again, John.
herding cats is always difficult
especially during a winter moon
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner – Jonathan Alderfer
.
black swans in the rushes
under winter’s pale moon
“Late entry: let’s make this a moon verse, since I’ve edited out the moon reference from verse two.” – John
.
What moon reference?
“Earthrise still fresh
in our memories “
9/11 still fresh
in our memories – Lorin Ford
.
somehow forgetting
the baby
in the back seat – Tracy Davidson
.
a racehorse
named Tortuga – Dan Campbell
.
It’s a clever fix, John, I have to admit. Dan gets to keep his proper noun. My (prior) verse loses its proper noun (and it’s mood) altogether and is replaced the USA disaster of September 11th, 2001 by the well- known abbreviation, 9/11. The incident occurred in your autumn & my spring but it’s not on the Japanese kigo list we’re going by so it doesn’t count as seasonal verse. (I answered Wendy’s query re the season of Earthrise in a previous week. Her question was, in essence, something like “When it’s spring in Houston what season is it on the moon?” )
.
Though you’ve Americanized my wakiku (and the terrorist attack on the Twin Towers in your neighbourhood was undeniably terrible) and changed the mood drastically, the idea of using numerals to replace a proper noun ( a proper noun that had, apparently, become outshone by Dan Campbell’s proper noun two verses later) is clever. So is replacing Dan’s horse named Molasses with an island named ‘Turtle’ (Tortuga) (So, a query: does that mean no more foreign words and no more place names and no more sea creatures for the rest of this renku? )
.
These big Green Sea Turtles are not slow, though, and they swim great distances. I have the honour of being a deemed Turtle Woman. This happened because a group of these big, curious turtles came along and swam with me, several miles out of Cooktown, with nothing else around except my friend who was several fathoms deep building something to do with an pearl oyster farm. It frightened the wits out of me at first, being surrounded by heads like something dragonish and alien, but then I realised what they were. Being deemed a Turtle Woman, I had to give my word to protect turtles and never eat them.
.
As an irrelevant ps : though I wouldn’t bet on a horse named Molasses, I would place my bets on a horse named Turtle because that horse would probably be on the records as having WIW (won in wet). 🙂
lorin….9/11 may have occurred in ny, usa but affected and remembered w/w.
the trip to the moon was launched in florida, usa….and the photo
called, earthrise, was “born and edted” in usa in a darkroom. as it was
slide film in the camera on board and had to be converted to a print
using labs in usa. so my question is….if an egg is fertilized on a ship
was the baby born on the ship or where the parent gives birth to it?
i like very much….what john has tried to accomplish….any mistake(s) that may have occurred, at your expense….i am sure was done without malice to you and your country.
as far as seasons go for the moon…..i am sure, soon, technology will catch-up…and we will know
its seasons….as we do with other planets in the solar system. the season that may show in a photograph of the earth from the particular part of earth captured in said photo…can be obtained under careful view at the moment the camera takes in the image.
hemispheres matter
“lorin….9/11 may have occurred in ny, usa but affected and remembered w/w.” – Wendy
Yes, in the sense that we have World Wide News and in the sense of the (earlier) shooting of your President Kennedy. But the season in which those in each hemisphere received that news, even the season that the thing happened, differs. You are one of the last of the ‘flat earthers’. (I write this from a cold August morning, nearly noon. You (or THF will receive it, in a few seconds at most, on a hot August night. (probably hot… who really knows these days of scary climate change?)
re your:
“the trip to the moon was launched in florida, usa….” (yes- Lorin) and the photo
called, earthrise, was “born and edted” in usa in a darkroom” (yes, -Lorin) as it was
slide film in the camera on board and had to be converted to a print
using labs in usa. ” (yes, and so?- Lorin)
“so my question is….if an egg is fertilized on a ship
was the baby born on the ship or where the parent gives birth to it? ” (Wendy)
🙂 🙂 🙂 Nice try, Wendy. Obviously a baby is born where the mother gives birth to it. If it’s unlucky, it might be born today in the Ukraine.
But as a metaphor for ‘Earthrise’, birth and babies analogies don’t cut the mustard. Ask any of your more reliable, educated fellow citizens. What you’re implying is that a photo of the Earth taken from a spacecraft very close to our moon on December 24, 1968 must be seasonal. And since the spacecraft was launched from the USA and the photo taken by an American, then relayed to Earth, the photo of Earth, you claim, must be seasonal . Why? because it was taken by citizens of the USA, developed in the USA, owned by the USA etc. and since it was winter in the USA on Dec. 24th 1968 and subsequently into January when copies of the photo were being made and distributed, Earthrise has a season, and that season is winter.
This is absurd, Wendy. Think about it. Earthrise, humanity’s first visual (let’s not pick bones…the named photo wasn’t literally the first) first shared image of our planet, Earth, from space, from a point in space very close to our moon, can’t have an earthly season, any more than subsequent images of Mars and Jupiter have earthly seasons. Earthrise is ‘no season/ all seasons’ because it our first view of the Earth, the whole planet, from Space. Not of any particular place, nor a particular hemisphere. What season is it on Earth now?
Earthrise, unlike 9/11, unlike the shooting of your Pres. John Kennedy, or that of John Lennon, cannot even at a stretch imply a season.
(And the reason John’s … sabaki John Stevenson’s … 9/11 tweak to my Earthrise ku works in the position it’s in (note that it’s a no season/ all seasons verse) is because “memories” also has no season.)
it is my observation, that “our memories”of earthrise….didn’t ring true for john s. as he had stated that he didn’t think “photograph” upon his personal reading of your original verse.
it is my opinion:
a photograph is flat…and therefore can not show the whole entire earth as totally round.
i do agree that memories can occur at any time….events….may be subject to seasons.
9/11 was not just usa news….people from all around the world were killed, physically injured and/ or psychologically victimized by this event.
my question to you, lorin….is the second verse of a renku… supposed to reflect the same season of the hokku?
“a photograph is flat…and therefore can not show the whole entire earth as totally round.” – Wendy
Also, a photo is taken in an instant, and the Earth keeps turning. ‘Earthrise’ is the name of a photo but that photo implies a turning Earth, the planet we live on, seen from “outside” for the first time. A view the whole human population of Earth could (& can) view. We often see a moonrise from Earth. The title of that photo is connected to what we call moonrise. (This is so obvious!)
.
“my question to you, lorin….is the second verse of a renku… supposed to reflect the same season of the hokku?” – Wendy
A question far better directed to John, not only our sabaki but one more knowledgeable and experienced on these subjects. However, I do find this in Renku Reckoner:
Wakiku, verse #2
” . . . In all but the shortest and most recent types of sequence, the Wakiku automatically takes the same season as the hokku . . .” – (bolding, mine – L)
(The Junicho is one of “shortest & most recent types of renku sequence” referred to. There is a lot of flexibility. My guess is that the hokku & wakiku don’t have to be in the same season for Junicho, but the idea of the wakiku supporting the hokku remains. My view of the ‘Earthrise’ wakiku I wrote of is that it was an “all seasons/ no season” verse supporting Keith’s summer verse (‘short night’). – Lorin)
This is from ‘Renku Home’, which you should be able to reach from the 500 Essential Season Words page:
under “Shorter Renku”
.
—Practical Guidelines for the Jûnichô Renku Form —
by Seijo Okamoto, Master of the Haikai Sesshin
translated by William J. Higginson and Tadashi Kondô
1. A renku must have literary value and a sense of stylishness. This is what Bashô called “timeless and fashionable” (fueki ryûkô).
2. A twelve-tone renku consists of twelve stanzas. There is no front or back. One blossom stanza, which may be any flower in any season–it need not be cherry blossoms. One moon stanza, which may be any sort of moon in any season. About two love stanzas, in any position. About half the verses will be seasonal (a pair each for spring and autumn, one each summer and winter), and half non-seasonal, in a flexible order. About half with human focus, the rest on places, animals, plants, and the like.
3. Progression and diversity are the essence of renku. Accordingly, a wide variety of things in nature and the world of humans should appear.
(End of translation.)
—–
Are you satisfied with that, Wendy?
“i like very much….what john has tried to accomplish….any mistake(s) that may have occurred, at your expense….i am sure was done without malice to you and your country.” – Wendy
Goodness me! I’ve participated in many renku with John as sabaki here at THF and have every respect for him. I certainly don’t need someone like you implying otherwise, Wendy.
“. . . as far as seasons go for the moon…..i am sure, soon, technology will catch-up…and we will know
its seasons….as we do with other planets in the solar system. . . . ” Wendy
“Apollo 8 (December 21–27, 1968) was the first crewed spacecraft to leave low Earth orbit and the first human spaceflight to reach the Moon. The crew orbited the Moon ten times without landing, and then departed safely back to Earth.[1][2][3] These three astronauts—Frank Borman, James Lovell, and William Anders—were the first humans to personally witness and photograph the far side of the Moon and an Earthrise. ”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_8
.
Tell us, Wendy, what season was it for the Apollo spacecraft and crew during the period of Earth’s December 21-27, 1968?
What season was it when “The photograph was taken from lunar orbit on December 24, 1968
this is all i am saying…a season can be obtained from the content of the photograph.
earthrise is the name given to a photograph and was what you ref. in your verse.
that is all.
“this is all i am saying…a season can be obtained from the content of the photograph. . .
that is all.”- Wendy
No season can logically be derived from the content of that photo, Wendy.
I don’t understand why you keep pushing this ridiculous assumption of yours. It’s basically:
“Earthrise is seasonal and it takes its season from the fact that the photo was taken from the Apollo 8 spacecraft (an American spacecraft) orbiting the moon , taken by American astronauts. Since it must’ve been winter in the USA when the photo was taken, Lorin’s original wakiku must’ve been a winter verse.”
What rubbish! And that is all.
an “image” was captured on the spacecraft on slide film……the “photograph” was made… born on earth, in a lab in usa and the photo was edited by turning the image under an enlarger…in usa lab. we didn’t have digital….like we do now.
and though the earth was rotating….the image freezes in time…..so i believe it could be possible to find out was hemisphere, or area of the earth was exposed to that image and determine a season.
i believe, if we are able to freely communicate and debate issues….without name calling, intimidation and put downs….we could find out that we can agree on at least…9 out of 11 issues.
your input is valuable to the group, your talent is immense….let there be no more need for negative, personal attacking words. that is beneath the character i expect from a poet of your standing.
if you don’t agree with my words….why not say, “you don’t agree”??? rather than call it rubbish?
that would be quite satisfying for me.
“… and the photo
called, earthrise, was “born and edted” in usa in a darkroom. ” – Wendy
.
All sources I know of spell ‘Earthrise’ with a capital E, just as the name of our planet is correctly spelt with a capital E (since both Earth and Earthrise are proper nouns.) I don’t know why you persist in believing both Earth and Earthrise to be common nouns. Perhaps, Wendy, you don’t know the difference between a common noun and a proper noun?
While earth is something we dig up when planting our tulip bulbs or whatever, the same stuff that ants dig up in tiny portions to build their tall anthills, and the same stuff that some dogs like to kick up with their hind legs.,Earth is the name of this planet we all live on. There’s no debate about it.
i have taught myself to type with a straw, as i am doing now, as i have an incurable, medical condition…aggravated by raising my arms.
hence the verse…husbands are handy when hanging photos….above…
and many other poems i have previously, pecked out, that allude to it.
lorin. i am very sorry that my lower case typing has been an inconvenience to you.
Considering the subject was originally whether or not a proper noun in verse 4 (Molasses) was allowable, considering that there was a proper noun in verse 2 (wakiku) (Earthrise), and also that John subsequently changed that proper noun to a ordinary noun, I would say that my point regarding your use of lower case was fair.
*I don’t like your sarcasm, whether or not you really do have a medical condition that allows you to type all the letters of the alphabet in lower case with a straw but disallows you to use the Shift key.
winter greens to keep them
from the trap of starvation
*
a polar bear confined
to a tiny chunk of ice
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
ooops! no more mammals
mandarin duck
swims through its bars
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
Thanks for the painstaking explanations and revisions, John. And congratulations, Jonathan.
As I understand it, the brief is now for a winter verse that is a moon verse, set in nature and with no human element. “Moon” is an autumn kigo, but we’ve had two autumn verses. The only option from our saijiki is “winter moon”. Although there are precedents for having two kigo in a verse if the season is clearly established by one, and elsewhere “cold moon” is held to be a winterised moon. So, here goes on the chance that there is some flexibility…
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
—
flurrying snowflakes
settle on the moon
moonlight catches
a flurry of snow
ice can’t keep
the moonbeams still
winter moon in the eye
of each silver koi
the window stolen
by the winter moon
the glacier sheds tears
at the winter moon
(well, this is personification week over in the Haiku Dialogue…)
Or if non-moon alternatives are possibly acceptable, deferring a moon verse:
a chrysalis waits
in the clutch of ice
a particle of grit
enters the oyster
the crow’s toes
frozen to a pole
Keith, the moon is an autumn kigo only without any other modifier that puts it in another season. you don’t need to call it a winter moon to qualify. for example, snow in the same verse as the moon will take precedence and the verse will be considered a winter verse.
moonshadows creep
across the river ice
I’m happy with that approach; but sometimes it brings a comment that “you have two kigo in this verse”. I think that as long as one kigo takes a clear predominant role in establishing the season, and the other is consistent with it rather than at odds with it, it should be fine. Frogs do hibernate under the ice…..
no one can deny the moon can be observed year-round. but it is around the autumn equinox that it is the most prominent, hence its placement in the autumn season. that doesn’t mean the moon is not allowed in any other season. for example, hazy moon is listed as a spring kigo.
other cultures also observed the moon. there’s a list of the so called traditional full moon names (not associated with standard kigo): https://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/moon/full-moon-names.html
*
“I think that as long as one kigo takes a clear predominant role in establishing the season, and the other is consistent with it rather than at odds with it, it should be fine.”
yes, i completely agree with that.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
winter greens show there’s a way
out of anything
*
pale sun still withering
the lake a dusty bowl
dried up mud flats
only mutant weeds survive
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
-Jonathan Alderfer
Mandarin ducks slip
into eclipse plumage
but, Patrick, ducks acquire their eclipse plumage during summer when they molt. in winter males will feature their best breeding plumage.
Yes Oblak san, true. That must be why I couldn’t get a date in high school.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the stalactites of icicles
barring the way
*
Way to go, Jonathan! I, too, am so amazed at everyone’s creativity. And thanks again John, for sorting through all the questions, concerns and problems. I want to wish for you what you do for us . . .that this can be FUN! :). So here’s hoping everyone sends in some good and fun verses for you to read and select from.
winter grasses bend
beneath the north wind
*
north wind frees
the tree of leaves
winter grasses bend
beneath moon’s stare
*
moon pours through branches
freed of their leaves
winter moon
free to shine
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
the innocence
of snow
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
a gust of wind
embroidered with snowflakes
.
on the far shore
rime ice lasts all day
.
frost heaves
buckle the tarmac
.
winter moon
surrenders to the clouds
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
*
ice encasing
the dogwood buds
*
in the cocoon
on a winter’s night
*
frost clinging
to windows
*
snowflakes falling
into one another
*
river ice locking
with the riverbank
*
logs falling inward
in the fireplace
*
cold crows
in fallow fields
*
winter flies finding
the same pane
*
the sandpiper
retraces its steps
*
flowers out of season
freezing together
*
fallen leaves
interleaving
*
withered pampas grass
bordering an empty pool
nice one, Jonathan ..
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
– Jonathan Alderfer
a chill blustery wind
obscures the tracks
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
spear flowers proving the survival
of the fittest
*
Hi, John. Difficult decisions made and I don’t envy your position as Sabaki. Thank you for taking heed of everyone’s concerns so graciously. And thank you for mentioning mine as having a love verse potential.
One question as to the winter verse. Will there be a followup winter verse to this one?
Betty
betty,
in this form of renku, junicho….it says that there is only one winter and one summer verse, two spring and two summer….from renku reckoner by j. carley. so we a free to choose early. mid, late and all kigo words.
we are free…..that is…if john s. chooses to follow the structure listed in john carley’s book
…and/ or on William Higginson’s ‘Renku Home’, Wendy, where precisely the same structure is found.
the structure that i see in …..
We have had 2 Autumn verses so there’s that. I figure each Sabaki has their unique take on the progression. 😊
sorry betty….correction:
two autumn and two spring
This will be the only winter verse.
Okey doke! 😊
Wendy and Betty,
re Wendy’s comment ” betty, in this form of renku, junicho….it says that there is only one winter and one summer verse, two spring and two summer….from renku reckoner by j. carley. ”
.
While this is true, not everyone will have or will be following the late John Carley’s ‘Renku Reckoner’, and I imagine that might include our Sabaki , John Stevenson. Luckily for anyone wanting to know about how many winter verses etc. the Junicho has, the Junicho is the Junicho whatever source we use and ‘Renku Home’ is only a click away. If you can reach the ‘seasons’ page to find kigo you can reach the ‘shorter renku page’ on William Higginson’s ‘Renku Home. From there you’ll find the main points about Junicho on the ‘SHORTER RENKU’ page. http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/shorter_renku.html
.
Just scroll down to Junicho or click on ‘Twelve-Tone (Jûnichô)’ at the top of the ‘Shorter Renku’ page.
” Practical Guidelines for the Jûnichô Renku Form
by Seijo Okamoto, Master of the Haikai Sesshin
translated by William J. Higginson and Tadashi Kondô “
Thank you so much for mentioning my verse. Liked the way Renku is moving along.
.
My offerings
.
wintry wind whistling
through a bamboo fence
.
scent of winter wood
in the hanging icicles
.
winter moon light up
the silver shackles
.
Lakshmi Iyer
Congrats Jonathan!
*
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
– Jonathan Alderfer
*
a turnip instead of a carrot
for the snowman’s nose
*
a proud crow
strutting across the snow
Thank you John! It’s getting tougher to navigate all the requirements and still be poetic—I got lucky. And thanks to all my fellow poets who continue to offer new ways of looking at the world that would never have occurred to me.
extreme snowfall buries
ancient mountain trails
Congrats, Jonathan!
*
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
– Jonathan Alderfer
*
a murder of cold crows
croak ‘neath an overhang
– Betty Shropshire
revising to:
cold crows croak
‘neath an overhang
– Betty Shropshire
* According the the 500 Words . . ., “cold crows” is “Used equally for ravens” and ravens croak while crows caw so hence my use of the word “croak”.
another enlightening online renku experience. thank you John for demo-ing how learning and spiffing work using talent and “colleagueality”. i so appreciate learning from this THF community.
snowbound theatre
keeps an audience captive
or
snowbound theatre
keeps a captive audience
Oops, no human presence.
another close of the year
ending in the red
freeze warnings recommend
we bring in the bonsai
lighting the smudge pots
while sleet turns to snow
hunting for a key
to the wood shed
slight edit to first verse:
another close of year
ends in the red
breaking out snowshoes
for the first big snow
snow up to
the razor wire
Interesting reading, John, this is why Renku will remain a bit of a mystery, for me!
Thank you for mentioning mine.
Congratulations, Jonathan.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
a battering snow
guilty of the cover-up
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
the north wind releases a cry
from the frozen reeds
*
the freezing wind releases a cry
from the withered reeds
*
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
winter moon
captured in clouds
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
John, i am confused, ….have we decided not to have a moon verse?
was it earthrise or stars that was/is the reason? or are we free to have a moon verse now that earthrise is edited out?????
Good point. We can have a winter moon verse. If not, we will pick it up later.
great job jonathan! a splendid love verse, indeed.
and thank you john, for all that hard editorial work!
(and thanks for the mention, john)
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
Jonathan Alderfer
trapped in ice
the calligraphy of twigs
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
ooops!
the paddles of ducks
etched in ice
08.04.2022 by wendy © bialek
Wow–this has certainly been full of surprises! Thanks for all the explanations about our twists and turns, John. And Jonathan–thanks for a great second love verse.
*
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
*
Jonathan Alderfer
*
a silver chevron of half-
frozen wild ducks
*
wild ducks breaking free
of the frozen pond
*
Wow, great explanations John. So much going on.
Congratulations Jonathan.
walking barefoot
we take each other
prisoner
— Jonathan Alderfer
three sheets to the wind
ridding bed bugs