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The Renku Sessions: Barely Time – Week 6

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Hello again. This is John Stevenson and I will be facilitating a twelve verse renku, in the Jûnichô style. Over the coming weeks we will add one new verse each week, selected from your offers.

A total of 31 poets offered 166 verse five candidates this week.

During the week Lorin Ford posted the following comment:

“John, I’m a tad surprised, though, that the chosen verse features a proper noun (Molasses, the horse’s name) since that takes attention (my attention, anyway) back to the proper noun, Earthrise (the name of the photo). It seemed to me that the principal of uchikoshi /kannonbiraki meant we’d be avoiding this sort of link to the verse before the verse we’re currently linking to. I’d be interested in your instructive comments about this issue, if you wouldn’t mind, John.”

Also, Betty Shropshire alerted us to the likelihood that “bet” in my verse four selection might relate back to “count” in the hokku. I will address these concerns directly in a moment but first I want to mention another subject that has come to me recently.

It seems that I have been thinking, throughout this feature, about teaching how to write renku. But there is another skill, and in my mind an equally important skill to consider. And that is how to read renku.

Over the eight years I’ve devoted to this feature, it’s become clear to me that there are assets and liabilities inherent in the present format and platform. Renku has been adapting as it transitions from Japanese poetry to world poetry, in various languages, climates and cultures. It has simultaneously been adapting to a transition from a face-to-face social event to virtual collaboration.

In its origins, renku were practiced primarily as real-time, face-to-face collaborative creations. Today, this is more the exception than the rule. Also, the art of renku developed in a comparatively homogeneous cultural setting, where participants shared a great deal of common assumptions. But here we are in a situation that is almost the polar opposite of those conditions.

If everyone were to read a verse in exactly the same way, there would be fewer “mistakes.” But this, of course, is not realistic. And it is even less so when we are a group of people, many of whom have never met, living in very different circumstances and settings. We are, as Churchill pointed out, separated by a common language. By that I read that we may expect more understanding of each other than is reasonable without much more communication.

So, I didn’t think of “never bet on” as referring to gambling and odds making. I just thought of it as saying “don’t have great expectations of.” But the wagering meaning is more likely and so I have revised verse four to at least soften if not correct for this. I didn’t want to do it, however, in the middle the week because some people would see my note making the change and some wouldn’t. So, everyone was put under a disadvantage this time but, at least, everyone was treated equally. My edit of verse four appears in the recap below.

Lorin’s question also deals with this matter of different readings of the same words. It is compounded in this instance because she is he author of the words and I am the selector. In a stand-alone poem, I would favor the author’s understanding, though I would also appreciate that readers might have many other valid readings. In the case of the renku, however, I am going to press for my reading. That being the case, I should probably explain it and make a small edit to make it clearer. I do not think of “Earthrise” as the title of a photograph. I didn’t even know that there was a title associated with a single photograph. There were many taken at the same time and, surely, they were not all titled. I took the word earthrise to represent the moment when humanity took a real step beyond a geocentric vision of reality. I doubt that I would have selected the verse if I had thought of it as referring to the title of a single photograph. But as the occasion of a major shift in the orientation of humanity I thought it perfect for our first “shifting” verse. Of course, Lorin is right about what she was thinking but I’m going to ask us all to think of this verse, in the context of this renku, as I think of it. To reinforce this, I have made the small but significant edit of replacing the capitalization in verse two with lower case.

My initial comment about the skill of reading renku is that, as with writing the verses, the governing principle needs to be “forward motion.” Everything in creation is related in some way and if we read a renku always looking back for links, we will find them. It is proverbially the case that we find what we look for. The standard I try to set is “obvious” back linking. Of course, this is a subjective standard and we cannot expect to totally agree on individual instances. For each of us, though, I would suggest that, in order to decide if a back-link is obvious, first we need to cultivate a “forward motion” reading. The specific concerns that were raised by Betty and Lorin are well observed and deserving of discussion. But they did remind me that one of the things that sometimes turns newcomers away from renku is that it can seem impossible to manage all of the rules. And more than impossible with each added verse. A live session gives the participants the possibility of rapid and simultaneous review of any issues that arise, plus the benefit of all of the kinds of communication that compliment and enhance mere words. In this setting, however, we will have to do the best we can with our circumstances.

So, keep letting me know with your comments if you have concerns but realize that I will generally address them in the initial post of the following week rather than in the helter-skelter of the comments stream.

 

Here are some of the verses that seemed to me good candidates for our first autumn verse:

 

a scarecrow
propped against
an antique jug

Wendy C. Bialek

These days, the scarecrow is more often seen as an autumn decorative item than it is working in a field.

 

the scarecrow sporting a pair
of apple-red
jockey briefs

Laurie Greer

I don’t know if the crows are impressed but it kind of scares me.

 

the glittering
of the salmon
in their suits of mail

Laurie Greer

Lovely and poetic

 

a tart apple slice
with peanut butter
and raisins

Chris Patchel

A vivid taste and texture image.

 

 

the fog
has borrowed its scent
from the pines

Polona Oblak

A vivid scent image.

 

 

the turf comes alive
with the various sounds
of insects

Lorin Ford

Another good sound image, one that calls upon us to imagine the sounds.

 

scratching
up potatoes
from the mud

Lorin Ford

Multiple horse racing gags. “Scratched” from the race, perhaps Molasses wasn’t a “mudder.”

 

an evening skimmer
searches for a sunlit perch
among the gravestones

Jonathan Alderfer

Dragonfly is an autumn kigo. This has always seemed surprising to me. I like the “late life” of the dragonfly’s search for the warmth of late sunlight.

 

autumn
colour
in the breeze

Wendy C. Bialek

A verse that offers a synesthesia experience.

 

the silky swish
of pale golden
pampas plumes

Sally Biggar

“Silky” is a clear link to “racehorse.” I would have been satisfied with just the indirect association of the long-stemmed plant with the long-legged racehorse and the prominent plumes with horse’s manes and tails.

 

peaches still warm
in the cobbler
and cream

Debbie Scheving

I suppose that the impact of this sort of verse depends upon how you feel about the particular dish. I for one, would be happy to have seconds of this. If I select it, however, I will remove “still” since it was used in verse two (“still fresh”) and change line one to “warm peaches.”

 

 

It was pointed out in the week’s comments that human beings are either literally present or strongly implied in our opening verses. This will be a factor in my choice. Another factor is my intention to start the love verses this week. So, something leading in that direction, without actually being a love verse itself, would be a good choice.

 

OUR FIFTH VERSE

 

the fog
has borrowed its scent
from the pines

     Polona Oblak

 

 

 

Our Renku, So Far

 

BARELY TIME

 

short night
barely time
to count the stars

Keith Evetts

 

earthrise still fresh
in our memories

Lorin Ford

 

somehow forgetting
the baby
in the back seat

Tracy Davidson

 

a racehorse
named Molasses

Dan Campbell

 

the fog
has borrowed its scent
from the pines

Polona Oblak

 

 

THIS WEEK

Please offer candidates for a sixth verse, using these guidelines:

  • Two lines
  • A love verse (love between adult human beings)
  • Containing an autumn kigo (other than the moon) from our list: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html
  • Linking with the fifth verse only (no obvious linking to any of the first four verses)
  • Without an internal grammatical break or pause

 

Please enter your offers in the comments section, below. Offers should be made by midnight, eastern US time, on Monday, July 25. On Thursday, July 28 I will post a selection of the offers, with my comments, and select the sixth verse for “Barely Time.”

Thank you all, once again!

John Stevenson

 

 

 

 

The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct

This Post Has 118 Comments

  1. his ‘tattered bashoo’
    pick-up lines plagiarized

    07.25.2022 by wendy © bialek

  2. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    —-Polona Oblak

    .

    maple leaves blush
    as they fall around us

    .

    we laugh at the maple leaves
    blushing overhead

  3. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak
    *
    taking in the remaining heat
    and your oh so blue eyes
    – Betty Shropshire

  4. Lovely verse, Polona. I could smell the fog and pines.
    *
    his peach fuzz rubs
    the apples of her cheeks
    *
    hand in hand
    they follow the sandpipers
    *
    brushing bits of hay
    from each other’s hair

  5. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    —-Polona Oblak

    .

    acorns ping off the roof
    while we talk in whispers

  6. I didn’t follow Lorin’s ´objection to v4 ‘Molasses’, but I think it should be taken out and another put in it’s place. Verse i-3 link, and to some extent answer each other. Verse 5 could easily have evolved from 1-3 ; but
    Molasses has no connection or response value fore or aft. When I saw it,
    I could see no way of replying to it.

    1. Replying to Dick, it is quite possibly only in my own imagination, but my five offerings last week did link in some small way. Looking back at my notes, the key words were sway, (dessert), foretells (when the word bet was still in Dan’s verse), fall, and dart. Some weeks are more of a stretch than others, but that is the fun and challenge of it.

    2. (my reply to Dick Pettit)

      Dick, my “objection” to v4 ‘Molasses’ was that both Earthrise and Molasses are proper nouns (the actual name/title of the famous photo and the name Dan Campbell chose for his horse. ) This instance of kannonbiraki / link to last-but-one verse stuck out like the proverbial sore thumb to me so I brought the issue to John’s attention. (and I do not confuse the major renku boo-boo of “uchikoshi/ kannonbariki/ returning to last-but-one” with the generic ‘backlink’. ) I do believe that Dan committed that major ‘renku sin’ with that horse’s name. Any name/ proper noun would be a mistake.
      .
      So John, as sabaki, was put in a difficult position. He’d already selected Dan’s verse when I mentioned the issue to0 him in the previous week’s thread.. What could he do? The solution he chose ( taking the capital E away from Earthrise so it no longer seems to be a thing with a name, no longer acted as a proper4 nouna proper noun) allowed Dan’s horse to have a name: Molasses. John also tweaked Dan’s verse by removing “never bet on” a horse with that name, but kept the name itself, ‘Molasses’.

      The horse’s name, ‘Molasses’ , is a word link Tracy Davidson’s “back seat” in the immediately prior verse, because a horse with such a name might suggest a racehorse that ‘sticks’ to the back of the pack.
      .
      I think it’s obvious that John was in a sticky position, having selected Dan’s ‘Molasses’ verse.
      In the tradition of THF renku to date I’ve noticed that, once a verse has been selected it may be tweaked, but not taken out, by the sabaki.

      1. For Lorin and Dick

        “In the tradition of THF renku to date I’ve noticed that, once a verse has been selected it may be tweaked, but not taken out, by the sabaki.” (Lorin)

        Actually one of mine was removed . . . the verse was challenged after being selected
        and I gave it up to allow for another. I believe Polona had objected it for it relating to a previous verse’s “re-purposed mailbox” because mine had a sex change inference. I can’t find the Renku Archives for some reason (not showing up in the links) or I would direct you to that discussion. It was a female sabaki and I’m blanking on her name. ?‍♀️ I also remember though reading somewhere that once new verses were submitted/posted before any objection to the new selection occured, then that verse in question would remain albeit with edits if necessary.

        Betty

        1. Again, sorry Lorin and Dick . . . I found theRenku Archives. The 2015 Bowl Of Cherries’ verse 11 is where that discussion ocurred and tells of removing the verse, etc.
          Regards to all,
          Betty

          1. I think I’ve found it, Betty. But can’t see what verse was selected then later taken out.
            Betty, I’ll go back & try to find it again.
            .
            (I do recall leaving that particular renku out of frustration. There was ‘mountaintop’ followed by ‘Valhalla’ (which is fine: two “up in the air” places) but then followed by “roofing iron”, yet another “up” reference. My view was that “roofing iron” was ‘committing uchikoshi’ with ‘mountaintop’ but the sabaki thought otherwise but wouldn’t explain why. I dropped out of that renku.
            .
            I should go back and read it all.

      2. Interesting thus to learn more about the role and limiting conventions of a sabaki.

        On Dick’s comment: at first I too found it a little difficult to find a link between “somehow forgetting the baby in the back seat” with betting on the racehorse Molasses, but as John frequently notes, and Rorshach confirms, a mind can find links between almost anything. In this instance, I found:

        — irresponsibility (perhaps a content link)
        — a lesson learned the hard way (ditto)
        — and the very word “Molasses” immediately brought to mind Ella Fitzgerald and “icky sticky goo” which any parent will associate with an untended baby… (Basho’s “scent” link?!…)

        As to forward linking from horses, races and sweet sticky molasses there is a legion of possibilities, but fog and pines did not come easy… until I thought of “scent link” and smiled. And it’s a lovely elegant verse that sounds so traditional, that anyone would want to find reason for it.

        Pareidolia?

        1. Well, Keith, among us geezers, there are ome common descriptors for fog:
          “fog as thick as molasses”
          being one. ?
          Betty

        2. For what it’s worth, Keith:
          (a)
          short night
          barely time
          to count the stars (Keith Evetts)
          ^
          (b)
          earthrise still fresh
          in our memories (Lorin Ford) (originally, ‘Earthrise’… & nothing at all to do with volcanoes, anthills or the dirt that the dog casts into the air before he buries his bone.)
          ^
          link: b – a ‘above to below’ . From a view to stars (above, in space) from Earth to that first, famous view of Earth from space that appeared on our televisions and magazines, and continues to be available on many places on the internet, including Wikipedia, The Guardian etc.- Lorin
          .
          (c)
          somehow forgetting
          the baby
          in the back seat (Tracy Davidson)
          ^
          link: c to b — from memory to forgetting. A clear link. (Tracey)
          .
          (d)
          a racehorse
          named Molasses (Dan Campbell)
          ^
          link: (d to c) – Dan
          perhaps from implied motor car (transport) to horse as another form of transport ? Or a horse whose name suggests the sort of racehorse that gets stuck behind the rest I must say the link here rather eludes me, is somewhat foggy, though I appreciate the humour in the unlikely & unsuitable name for a racehorse. With a name like that, one isn’t likely to place a bet on it.
          .
          (e)
          the fog
          has borrowed its scent
          from the pines (Polona Oblak)
          .
          ^
          link e to d : from one very sticky thing (molasses )to a less sticky, but still clingy thing (fog), perhaps?
          . . .
          As to your “. . . but as John frequently notes, and Rorshach confirms, a mind can find links between almost anything.” (Keith)

          Unfortunately, that’s true and I’ve often complained (concerning interpretations of the cut in haiku, not renku) that readers (and at least one popular haiku promoter) have taken Dennis Garrison’s well-meant “dreaming room” idea of the cut to ridiculous lengths, encouraging the reader to find anything he or she fancies in the connection of the two parts, as in a Rorsharch test.

    3. “I didn’t follow Lorin’s ´objection to v4 ‘Molasses’,…” Dick Pettit
      .
      My objection to ‘Molasses’ was that it is a proper noun, the ‘title’ or name of something, as is ‘Earthrise’, and being such it ‘drew’ attention back to the ‘ushikoshi’ or ‘last but one’ verse: my Earthrise verse. It would be so had any proper noun been used in verse #4.
      .
      John has said ” I do not think of “Earthrise” as the title of a photograph” and also ” I doubt that I would have selected the verse if I had thought of it as referring to the title of a single photograph. But as the occasion of a major shift in the orientation of humanity I thought it perfect for our first “shifting” verse. Of course, Lorin is right about what she was thinking but I’m going to ask us all to think of this verse, in the context of this renku, as I think of it. To reinforce this, I have made the small but significant edit of replacing the capitalization in verse two with lower case.”
      .
      But my point really has little or nothing to do with interpretation. ‘Earthrise’ is the title of a photo of an event seen for the first time and it also marks, as John notes, “the occasion of a major shift in the orientation of humanity” . It’s one of those great moments in time when all humanity saw and still can see the planet we live on from outside, from ‘up’ there by Earth’s moon.. Both John’s and my interpretations are fine, imo. They don’t clash at all.We were just seeing different aspects of the same thing. Perhaps I didn’t express mine well enough when I pointed the uchikoshi issue out to John.
      .
      I’m not comfortable with John’s edit to, ‘earthrise’. (I’m not e.e.cummings, nor was meant to be) If the whole renku was intended to avoid all proper nouns & we all knew that, then perhaps that’d be ok. ‘Earth’ (capitalized…the planet) and ‘earth’ are related of course, but they’re not the same thing. They’re no more the same thing than molasses and a horse called Molasses are.
      .
      The point is that Earth is a proper noun, a place, as is California, as is London, as is a horse with any given name. Earth is the name of the planet we live on. When we write about our planet we capitalize the E. The astronauts & whomever correctly named that photo, the first look at the Earth from space for everyone, ‘Earthrise’.
      .
      ‘earth’, without the capital, refers to that substance which we dig, plough, etc, … dirt, topsoil, clay, ground, sand, loam etc. ‘earth’ without the capital E is the stuff ants make anthills from, the stuff we grow crops in, the stuff that flies up behind when one is herding cattle along a dirt road. The stuff the dog sends flying when he’s digging up one’s daffodil bulbs.
      .
      The name of Dan’s horse, being a proper noun, drew my attention back to last-but-one (which I’d happened to write but my attention would’ve been drawn back if that 2nd verse, the wakiku, whoever had written it, and any verse with a place name or person’s name etc. written by anyone else.)
      I thought this was an instance of ‘ushikoshi’, so I spoke up, enquired of John.

      And now I wish I hadn’t. Archived, when this renku is complete, Dan gets to keep his horse’s name, but my verse looks like it was written by someone who doesn’t know the difference between earth and Earth. If I hadn’t spoken up, it would still be ‘Earthrise’, as written by me and selected by John. And now it’s not.

      It’s like the difference between Queen and queen. One of these waved from behind a car window to a crowd lined up both sides of the road to Government House, in Melbourne in the fifties, when I was a kid. But I was in my late teenage years before I became acquainted with quite a few friendly, clever and memorable queens.

  7. Hope Its not too late to join this session. been busy while the sun shines.

    first time passion
    cushioned by new straw

  8. Congratulations, Polona!

    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak

    a mattress sweetened
    with bouncy new straw
    .
    how dewy your cheek
    after a deep sleep
    .
    happy campers adrift
    on the River of Heaven
    .

  9. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    their shapes shifting
    in the flowering meadow

    ——-

    new coolness
    and her heart aches
    ——

    she swoons
    at his peach cologne

    —–

    under the fir
    he has his milky way with her

  10. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak
    .
    .
    and i uncertainly inhale
    this autumn lamplight
    .
    breathe autumn colors
    but from here to there evergreen
    .
    autumn wind scatters
    the heart’s hidden agenda
    .
    .

  11. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    — Polona Oblak

    ****
    listen to the crickets
    applauding our mating dance
    ****
    sharing toasted termites
    after the village dance
    ****
    crickets joining my serenade
    under her window
    ****

  12. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    *
    Polona Oblak
    *
    he seals their fate with the swagger
    of a wagtail
    *
    stealing the art of the swagger
    from the debonair wagtail
    *

    1. Completing my entries

      he licks the apple juice
      from her chin
      .
      she offers him a bite
      from her freshly picked apple
      .
      she offers him a bite
      from her apple
      .
      she tempts him
      with her app!e

  13. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    *
    Polona Oblak
    *
    her prince dressed like a salmon
    in shimmering mail
    *
    her prince bears the gift
    of a shimmering salmon
    *
    ready to be caught
    in her prince’s chain mail
    **
    hope it’s not cheating to recycle my previous offering like this!

    1. I live in salmon country, and the lovely unique image of your salmon in shimmering mail caught my eye last week.

  14. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak
    .
    .
    one after another
    in a flowery field
    .
    curves bathed
    in distant lightning
    .
    a new coolness
    after the fireworks
    .
    drinking from a glass slipper
    on the heels of the dance
    .
    soaked to the bone
    i pour myself another
    .
    .

  15. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    —-Polona Oblak
    .

    autumn’s lingering heat
    stored in your hips

    .

    I hear the migrating geese
    call your name

    .

    lovers trade voices
    with the autumn wind

  16. Congratulations Polona! Lovely verse. :)

    .
    that month the winds
    sweep me off my feet
    .
    large-ly you with my sense
    of it eternally awake
    .
    the sound of your name
    to the beat of rain
    .
    not eternity as our hour
    diminishes in a minute
    .

  17. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak
    *
    sharing chips with her
    on the way home from school
    *
    english ‘chips’ (fried potatoes)

  18. snuggling under the duvet
    in the morning cold

    the stretch of her blouse
    over the fulling block

    that low giggle at the hint
    of sumo wrestling

    o to pluck
    the maiden flower

    nuts
    about her brazilian

  19. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines Polona Oblak

    she makes her husband
    the fresh pumpkin soup he loves

  20. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak
    *
    a gay divorcée
    flouts autumn’s voice
    – Betty Shropshire

  21. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak
    *
    how the blues in her veil
    match the autumn color!
    – Betty Shropshire

  22. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak
    *
    desolate as she sews
    her true love’s trousseau
    – Betty Shropshire

  23. lightning between them
    in the wink of an eye

    his scallywag smile
    piques her autumn desires

    eyeing the dew
    on a firm cucumber

    the dew in his pants
    as they tango

  24. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    Congratulations , dear Polona!!

  25. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines – Polona Oblak

    to please the boss the nanny
    in milady’s negligee

  26. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines — Polona Oblak
    .
    hey ho the breaths of lovers
    all through the long night – (long night (yonaga, all autumn).
    .
    lovers’ breaths blending
    all through the long night
    .
    like autumn
    the boyfriend comes early (coming of autumn (risshuu, early autumn).
    .
    hard to tell whether
    katydid or didn’t (katydid (kirigirisu, early autumn).
    .

      1. True, Polona. :-) This one should be scratched:

        lovers’ breaths blending
        all through the long night

        My oversight! It’s good you pointed it out.

  27. Wonderful guidance and explanation John. Thank you.

    Congratulations Polona.

    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    — Polona Oblak

    nestled behind her ear
    two small orchids

    dreaming of her
    in a field of orchids

    the delicate nature
    of orchids and her kisses

    needles in haystacks
    finding her soft kisses

    withered tips sway
    as she leans on him

    first tide together
    warmed by her hand

    new straw to lay on
    sharing there first kiss

  28. Lovely choice, and love the attentive and detailed commentaries so far.

    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    cock’s comb preens a hen
    crowing all night

    morning-glory embrace
    we feel what we can’t see

    migration to unseen horizons
    we move to the bedroom

    autumn misty rain
    we awake together

    autumn deepens
    the red of your apples

    autumn deep field
    your exoplanet enters my orbit

  29. she calls me cabrón
    while feeding me grapes
    ****
    her living room dances
    keep us both young
    ****
    banana in my pocket
    no I’m just happy to see ya

  30. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    Congratulations Polona – a classy and well-crafted verse!

    Thanks for the informative discussion John.

  31. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    *
    smears of lipstick
    on the scarecrow’s shirt

  32. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak
    *
    spruced up for new soba
    and how m’lady blushes!
    – Betty Shropshire

  33. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak
    *
    with the coming of autumn
    he recalls her perfume
    *
    second chancers exchange
    vows on an autumn day
    *
    the old man and woman
    echo autumn’s voice
    *
    an old couple shares
    the remaining heat

  34. meet after negations
    new rice in rich utensil their first food
    ******
    maples glow
    their hands of shake and promising future
    ***
    her first plant
    rose of Sharon her beauty with his dark skin
    ****
    autumn paddy – talisman
    of lovers’ pine and hunger after their play
    *****
    new coolness
    their ambience after shower
    ******
    still in desolate air
    their songs strings of new melody
    **
    long night
    their eyes endless catch up with sky

  35. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak

    is it autumn’s voice
    cautioning this desire?
    – Betty Shropshire

  36. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    he shaves my legs
    with zest of citron soap

    07.22.2022 by wendy © bialek

  37. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    zest of citron soap
    from that hotel night

    07.22.2022 by wendy © bialek

    1. ooops!

      the fog
      has borrowed its scent
      from the pines

      Polona Oblak

      zest of citron soap
      returns us to hotel spa

      07.22.2022 by wendy © bialek

  38. revised:
    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    echos of citron soap
    from that hotel night

    07.22.2022 by wendy © bialek

    1. ooops. again….

      echos of citron soap
      returning to the same room

      07.22.2022 by wendy © bialek

  39. loving OUR FIFTH VERSE, the best of the best…poetic and stimulating…thank you for writing this verse, polona and thank you, john, for allowing this one to be our fifth verse. (thank you for the mentions, john and all your organized thoughts and perspectives.

    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    echos of citron soap
    from our hotel night

    07.22.2022 by wendy © bialek

    1. edit to:

      echos of citron soap
      from our hotel stay

      07.22.2022 by wendy © bialek

  40. Lovely verse!! Well played, Polona!
    *
    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    – Polona Oblak

    his jokes needling out a smile
    over the new soba
    – Betty Shropshire

  41. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    *
    Polona Oblak
    *
    trading the desolate for the gift
    of passionate dreams
    *
    not desolate even knowing her dreams
    are re-gifted
    *
    forgiving her for the chill
    of re-gifted passion
    *
    even re-gifted the passion
    is refreshing
    *

  42. Dissipates to reveal a new love
    Refreshing as a just-picked honeycrisp

    *****
    Hand in hand the lovers stroll
    Through the mist and into refreshing newness

    *****
    Out of the mist two lovers emerge
    Strolling into the crisp new day

    Jen Gurney

  43. his interest grows
    as they dance

    how tenderly she nurtures
    his banana plant

    seeing each other’s scars
    beneath the lantern

  44. Tanabata
    for one and one night only

    star crossed lovers at
    the Tanabata festival

    spicy salmon roll for
    their first course at dinner

      1. I have reset the link so that it connects to THF’s library page for this material.

  45. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    -Polona Oblak

    school begins the study
    of the pale nape of her neck

  46. how autumn colors
    kindled their romance

    (I’m thinking ‘maple’ is too close to molasses.)

    1. how autumn colors
      rekindled their love

      I prefer this version but wonder if it works as the first love verse (since a progression is typically what’s wanted.)

  47. scratching
    up potatoes
    from the mud — Lorin Ford
    .
    ‘potatoes’ was on Higginson’s list: potato ( all autumn) and when one is scratching around in it, mud feels very sticky, like molasses. That’s all I meant. A tactile thing. (Though I acknowledge the possibility of Molasses being scratched from the race.:-)

  48. John, many thanks for your in-depth replies and comments: much appreciated, and I do understand your reasons for the changes in my ‘Earthrise’ and Dan’s ‘Molasses ‘verses. And of course I understand, under the circumstances, the necessity. Something had to go and it couldn’t be the horse’s name. ‘Tweaking’ has to be part of what a sabaki needs to do. Even live, even in Basho’s time, let alone in this most difficult online setting. :-)
    .
    But I will say, in relation to ‘Earthrise’, that it was that first photo, titled Earthrise, that made such an impression, world wide. There may have been many earthrises after it, but that first is the remembered one and always will be. Here’s a relatively recent article, first up when I googled just now: “Earthrise,’ the Photo That Propelled the Environmental Movement and Led to Earth Day ” — Patty Wetli | April 22, 2020 7:06 am
    .
    https://news.wttw.com/2020/04/22/earthrise-photo-propelled-environmental-movement-and-led-earth-day
    .
    Thank you, too, for putting those verses by me up on your list. (obviously, I did them just for the fun of still following this renku)
    the turf comes alive
    with the various sounds
    of insects — Lorin Ford
    .
    MIchael Henry Lee might realise that, though “the turf” links to horse racing & ‘insects’ sounds’ was the kigo, I was sort of copying his recent Sergent Pepper-based verse. Mine, above. . . Julie Andrews, anyone? :-) (“The hills are alive with the sound of…” )

  49. Congratulations, Polona. It’s a lovely verse in all ways and struck me when I read it in last weeks Comments section.

  50. love is taking her
    moody goose for a walk
    ***
    nibbling on the sardines
    she hid in the cabinet

  51. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    — Polona Oblak
    ****
    always giving me
    the largest pear slice
    ****
    her dance moves on the porch
    a bit slower now

  52. Wonderful, Polona! And thanks, John, for always helping us !

    smoothing the sheets
    where heat remains

  53. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    — Polona Oblak
    ***
    her brand new body
    skinny-dipping in the quarry

  54. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    *
    Polona Oblak

    missing a snap apple
    ends up with a kiss

  55. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    *
    Polona Oblak
    *
    what’s not to love in the blur
    of a lantern?
    *
    whispering blue nothings
    in the lantern-lit air
    *
    …and already something blue
    in the lantern-lit dew
    *
    something blue in the air
    of lantern-lit kisses
    *
    his opening gambit a gift
    of persimmon
    *

    1. I hope “lantern-lit” is close enough to the listed “lantern light” to be “all autumn,” rather than the “early autumn” of “lantern alone.

      revision:
      what’s not to love in the blur
      of the lanternlight?
      *

      1. oops–still screwing it up. No lanterns (early) just lamplights (all)
        so sorry everyone
        *
        what’s not to love in the blur
        of lamplight?
        *
        whispering blue nothings
        in the autumn lamplight
        *
        …and already something blue
        in the lamp-lit dew
        *
        something blue in the air
        of lamp lit kisses
        *

  56. the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    *
    Polona Oblak
    *
    what they give away with a meet cute
    in the lamplight

    1. or, maybe cuter:

      the fog
      has borrowed its scent
      from the pines
      *
      Polona Oblak
      *
      what they give away with a meet cute
      in the haystack

  57. Wonderful verse, Polona! So many ways to go with it. John–almost too much to think about here. What an incredible thing is renku. Thanks!
    *

    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines
    *
    Polona Oblak
    *
    …sure from that first pitch
    into the paddy….
    *
    what’s clear from that first pitch
    into the paddy….

  58. Thanks for the illuminating comments on renku, John. And congratulations to Polona for a lovely stylish verse.

    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

    Polona Oblak

    a kiss with eyes closed
    in faint autumn lamplight

    wind in the reeds
    or a lorelei

    dancing the dance of the ages
    for ages

    the press of our bodies
    in dew-soaked grass

    (or, if repeating ‘our’ from V2 is off limits:
    the press of bodies
    in dew-soaked grass)

    she’s eager to come
    on a mushroom hunt

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