The Renku Sessions: Barely Time – Week 5
Hello again. This is John Stevenson and I will be facilitating a twelve verse renku, in the Jûnichô style. Over the coming weeks we will add one new verse each week, selected from your offers.
We had 186 offers for our fourth verse, from 35 poets.
I would like to take this opportunity to explain something about renku. Writing haiku, we are all used to making a complete poem with just a few words. This is not how it should be done in renku. The poetry is meant to occur in the interplay between verses rather than within individual verses. As an example (of many), the following was offered this week:
all the king’s men serving
various sentences
This verse, by Michael Henry Lee, was justly praised. I like it too. But renku is better served if a verse containing the phrase “all the king’s men” is followed by a different verse, from a different poet, that contains the phrase “serving various sentences.”
Having said that, I will probably prove inconsistent with some of my favorite verses from this week’s offerings:
a rattler sleeps
untroubled by mice
Keith Evetts
As Keith, no doubt, is aware, we will almost certainly not be including a second verse from the same poet in so short a renku, created by so many worthy poets. But he is also aware that he is encouraged to play along and continues to offer verses. This one does a great job of highlighting something new, something on the ground.
enlisting the defense team
of Larry Moe and Curly
Michael Henry Lee
This is a sharp turn in tone, from something very serious to something stupid.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
Ditto.
fewer groceries
or less gasoline?
Chris Patchel
I like this one a lot but “fewer” may tend to relate to “short” and “count” in the hokku.
curls of flypaper
hang in the attic
Jonathan Alderfer
I also like this one very much. The link is not obvious. Perhaps the baby’s curls lead us here. But more likely, the things in the attic are forgotten things and we have just had two verses linked by “memories” and “forgetting.”
the general’s uniform
surprisingly small
Polona Oblak
By now, the theme in my comments is well established. I love this verse. I have often been struck by the way in which antique clothing suggests that our ancestors were physically smaller people. But, at least for some readers, “small” will relate back to “short” in the hokku.
the Mother of God
crosses the border
Patrick Sweeney
When I mentioned religion as one possible topic, I felt sure that some of us would link the baby in verse three to baby Jesus and I doubted that this would work. But this verse works by taking it a step further, focusing on the mother and on the fact that she, and her family, were refugees. Talk about forward motion! On the other hand, there’s that “star of Bethlehem.”
a full set of clubs
for a day on the course
andrew shimield
I read this as relating to the implication that the one who has forgotten the baby is male and would never forget to take his precious clubs from the back seat. If I select this verse, I will edit out “full” because counting is an element of the hokku.
our weekly rendezvous
at the laundromat
Debbie Scheving
This seems promising, though it would tend to force us to move into love verses next and I want to wait a couple of verses for that.
Another hard choice. These and other good offers can possibly be related to images and concepts already stated or strongly implied in just the first three verses. This will be an increasingly prominent challenge as we go forward. It is possible to find connections between almost any set of images if one tries hard enough. What is a reasonable degree of relationship is the question, but one that will have different answers from different readers.
OUR FOURTH VERSE
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
When linking to this verse, I urge you to refrain from using velocity (a measurement) as the common element.
Our Renku, So Far
BARELY TIME
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
Earthrise still fresh
in our memories
Lorin Ford
somehow forgetting
the baby
in the back seat
Tracy Davidson
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
THIS WEEK
Please offer candidates for a fifth verse, using these guidelines:
- Three lines
- Containing an autumn kigo (other than the moon) from our list: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html
- Linking with the fourth verse only (no obvious linking to any of the first three verses)
- Without an internal grammatical break or pause
Please enter your offers in the comments section, below. Offers should be made by midnight, eastern US time, on Monday, July 18. On Thursday, July 21 I will post a selection of the offers, with my comments, and select the fifth verse for “Barely Time.”
Thank you all.
John Stevenson
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
This Post Has 114 Comments
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the lac luster
of sour grapes
stirring in plan air
typo:
the lac luster
of sour grapes
stirring en plein air
sorry please edit to:
the lackluster
of sour grapes
stirring en plein air
07. 18. 2022 by wendy © bialek
a rose
is a rose but for this
rose of sharon
07. 18. 2022 by wendy © bialek
a morning wagtail
flipping twigs
like pancakes
07. 18. 2022 by wendy © bialek
a cube of sugar
makes the medicine
slow down
a trout swirls
beside a stream bank
full of crickets
filling my lungs
with autumn sky
all day long
.
dry stems crackle
as a deer moves
through the marsh
.
even the towering weeds
in the garden
are withering
the triple spaces in the last line of the previous post were auto-deleted so:
filling my lungs
with autumn sky
all . . . day . . . long
Congratulations, Dan. The “Dan-ism” made me smile from the first read.
*
the mesmerizing sway
of a tall
pampas grass
*
peaches still warm
in the cobbler
and cream
*
lightning foretells
that a change
is coming
*
the fall of a
pawlonia leaf
on bare hills
*
rice sparrows dart
over their wet
harvest
Congratulations Dan
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
the boy builds
a scarecrow
with the glue
……
the scarecrow
stays glued
to the field
……..
she blushes
as her slip
shows
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
– Dan Campbell
*
bits of blue
swallowed by
the mackerel clouds
•
yellow encrusted vents
sulphuring
the dense fog
•
a filigree
of dew
on the tree limbs
– Betty Shropshire
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
—
all the hens
cackle at the purebred
cock’s comb
a cricket
jumping and jumping
in a jamjar
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
*
departing geese
honk as they cross
the skyline
a marmalade cat
enjoys the remains
of the sun
Grandma predicts
the coming of autumn
and the apocalypse
Great verse, Dan.
the old scarecrow
still dancing
the same jig
one last jig
before replacing
the old scarecrow
the scarecrow winks
when the boys
hide their stash
…
flashes of hair
the colour of honey
seen through the fog
…
jockeys playing poker
on straw bundles
in the stables
all out
to arrest the scarecrow
for trespassing
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
the sound of hooves
lunging into
a lightning bolt
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
*********
the once loud
cricket chorus
faint . . . fainter
*****
the silky swish
of pale golden
pampas plumes
revision of verse:
the silken swish
of golden
pampas plumes
autumn
colour
in the breeze
07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek
one pawlonia leaf
and down the stretch
they come
07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek
one pawlonia leaf
and orders for rakes
going off the roof
07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek
waters of autumn
and down the stretch
they come
07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek
first storm
and down the stretch
they come
07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek
oooops…caution!!!….the ‘one pawlonia leaf’ submissions have an element consistent with…numbers and can be associated with counting….i apologize for this.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
—Dan Campbell
fluttering
in a field of grass blooms
birds singing
or maybe;
fluttering
in a field of grass blossoms
birds singing
or
fluttering
in a field of grasses in bloom
birds singing
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
—Dan Campbell
fluttering songs
in fields
of forbs in bloom
birds singing
in fields
of bush clover
fluttering in
blooms of grass
a chorus of birds
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
——Dan Campbell
.
weeds seeds
hitch a ride
on the autumn wind
.
geese move
through the fog
in a pagoda of notes
.
an evening skimmer
searches for a sunlit perch
among the gravestones
(“evening skimmer” is the name of a species of dragonfly)
typo correction:
weed seeds
hitch a ride
on the autumn wind
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
-Dan Campbell
in the lantern’s glow
shrunken heads are dribbling Rumbullion
through sewn lips
black straps unwind
when rabbis unite
in fiery dance
07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek
Thank you for comments John, so rich. The spirited offerings in this energetic renku are delightful and invite more play.
*
weeping
bush clover
cools down
at dusk a crow
comes to rest on
a scarecrow
at dusk
a lone crow settles on
the weathered scarecrow
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
a candy apple
left at the bottom
of the goodie sack
a salmon swimming
through the air
in an eagle’s claws
***
the surprised stare
of a salmon
in an eagle’s claws
***
a prodigal son’s
lantern searching
for home
will stop to visit
his jockeys grave leaves peaches
new typhoon brewing
spiked
by a shrike
and left for dead
birds gather
to sing about
grass blooms
new coolness
running along
a stream
seasick
on the boat
because of the waves
no place
for a bell cricket
on the bell
the teeming
waters of autumn
also run
what the pine learns
from the pine cricket
is pure speculation
somehow forgetting
the baby
in the back seat … Tracy Davidson
.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses …Dan Campbell
.
scratching
up potatoes
from the mud
.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
— Dan Campbell
who will tell
the scarecrow
his fly is open
the wind
passing over
a scarecrow
a scarecrow
leaning in
to the wind
remember one message
take a deep breath
by the sea
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
— Dan Campbell
a slip dress
all the rich blues
of morning glory
—Marietta McGregor
Or:
a slip dress
all the rich blues
of morning glories
—Marietta McGregor
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
— Dan Campbell
lanterns
lead the way
to an inner sanctum
— Marietta McGregor
.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
—Dan Campbell
fanning ourselves
in the remaining heat
after a bout
— Marietta McGregor
Worse than crossing the desert on a Horse with No Name. Very amusing verse, Dan! And I’m enjoying the comments as we go along and as it all gets harder.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
— Dan Campbell
when
the remaining heat
features a champion
— Marietta McGregor
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
—
a pine mushroom
pops up
out of nowhere
wild orchids
through the weave
of moist manure
japanese ivy
crimsons up against
the stable wall
the seeds
that settle
from a bed of hay
Guess I’ll have to withdraw ‘a pine mushroom’ as mushroom is a late autumn kigo. Perhaps:
a cricket
pops up
out of nowhere
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
still hanging on
hear the buzz of the wasp
while separating between poison and medicine
somehow forgetting
the baby
in the back seat –Tracy Davidson
.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses –Dan Campbell
.
the turf comes alive
with the various sounds
of insects
.
(“insects, bugs (mushi, all autumn). Many named insects are found in summer; this refers mainly to insect sounds. “)
somehow forgetting
the baby
in the back seat
Tracy Davidson
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
*
well done, made me laugh 🙂
just thinking, there’s human presence – direct or indirect – in all the four verses we have so far, so i guess we need one that’s completely human-free. even more so if a pair of love verses comes next…
the sky
fills with calls
of migrating birds
shimmer
of dragonfly wings
along the reed bed
the fog
has borrowed its scent
from the pines
Good thinking, Polona!
Molasses and I appreciate the selection and comments!
a farmer
adjusting
the scarecrow’s grin
***
a scarecrow
with a bird nest
for a heart
****
two scarecrows
staring at
each other
***
scarecrow
listening to
the lonely farmer
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
the curious way salmon
only pretend
to drink
*
what can be learned
about home schooling
from the salmon
*
Small green grapes
getting tasty in the
warm sunshine
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
*************
picking
the first peach
her morning’s run
**
her thrill
to watch unabated
rice sparrows
***
Maples red leaves
her mood of
renunciation
***
digging potato
her agricultural
past time
**
no more
straw bundles
she envisages
a tart apple slice
with peanut butter
and raisins
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
—Dan Campbell
knotgrass
line the path
of the garden
a road to eden
in the shadows
of the lantern
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
the first satisfying sip
from the waters
of autumn
*
salmon following
instinct through the waters
of autumn
*
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
the splash
of false cadence
from the falling sweetfish
*
splashed
by the false cadence
of a falling sweetfish
*
his field
full of haystacks
for us to roll around in
who knows
what the katydid
did next
no sweetness
in the sour apples
I scrump
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
the glittering
of the salmon
in their suits of mail
*
better link:
*
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
the glittering of the salmon
in their silky
suits of mail
Congratulations Dan.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
—Dan Campbell
a lantern
on our path
to eden
a lantern
on the path
to our garden
lantern shadows
on the path
of our garden
our garden
with a stone lantern
to light the way
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
-Dan Campbell
Scarecrow
does nothing
during the uprising
new straw
just waiting to be spun
into gold
dew tell
if you may this
mad estate
.
.
cricket
and i
restless leg syndrome
.
cricket
and i
sing for our supper
.
cricket
and i
chew through cash
.
cricket
and i
consider husbandry
.
cricket
and i
all night long
.
.
after marlene mountain
a cool reception
awarded
the winner
a desolate pasture
with nary
a weed
windstorms
obscure any tracks
in the sand
Up late or early, Michael?!
Love
“a desolate pasture
with nary
a weed”
…in so many ways
dew tell
if you may this
mad estate
the usual time between 3:30 and 4:30 every morning i’m given
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
—
the desolate
certainties
of war
a woolly jumper
full of holes against
the morning chill
sticking to the line
the next mutation’s no worse
than a little cold
the nagging doubt
there’ll be survivors
when the fog clears
Questing and learning: I’m thinking that…
…the moon verse would normally be at v5 according to the Okimotos’ prescription for a Junicho beginning in summer, but ‘moon’ here has been expressly excluded by John our sabaki — and guessing this is because we’ve already had the implied moon in Earthrise, and we’re not going to have a later moon verse?
…v6 should (according to the schedule) be a paired autumn verse, so in v5 presumably we should observe constraints on which phase of autumn the season word should be, leaving room for later in the season? So this time all, early or mid autumn?
…and now we won’t want moon, stars, night, time, numbers, Earth or other planets, baby or child, cars, seats, other mammal, proper noun, not yet love (v7&8); now perhaps preferably a serious matter, and reestablish a little style or musicality, could even be blossom associated with the season?
Or am I lost in the maze?!
Keith,
If you go back to my first post for this session, I quoted guidelines from the “Renku Home” website. Here they are again, in pertinent part:
.
“A twelve-tone renku consists of twelve stanzas. There is no front or back. One blossom stanza, which may be any flower in any season–it need not be cherry blossoms. One moon stanza, which may be any sort of moon in any season. About two love stanzas, in any position. About half the verses will be seasonal (a pair each for spring and autumn, one each summer and winter), and half non-seasonal, in a flexible order. About half with human focus, the rest on places, animals, plants, and the like.”
.
So, I don’t recognize any requirement about the particular verse or season for the moon and, yes, I am considering verse two to be our moon verse in this session.
.
Yes, verses five and six will both be autumn verses, so I’m going to select a fifth verse that contains something other than a “late autumn” kigo (as presented on our list of season words). And, in fact, I am contemplating asking that verse six be an autumn love verse. I like the idea of placing the two love verses over the “fold” (mid-point) of the renku. I haven’t stated these things because I wish to remain open to other possibilities and because I haven’t wanted to burden participants with too many instructions. I look upon renku as a stimulation of writing, much of which will not be used in the actual renku but all of which has a value for the writer and possibly a future use in other settings.
I think your list of things we have already covered (and won’t want to repeat in any obvious way) is pretty good. And your suggestions about what we might like to do with verse five (“a serious matter, and reestablish a little style or musicality, could even be blossom associated with the season”) are also good, though, again, I don’t want to prescribe so precisely that I foreclose on other possibilities.
Many thanks for the extensive, instructive and helpful reply, John, as I edge towards more understanding of the renku craft.
lunging into
a lightning bolt
the sound of frogs
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
or if there (is) a problem….interpreting with a “pause” between line 2 ending and the beginning of line 3…then:
the sound of frogs
lunging into
a lightning bolt
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
please note….’frogs’ used here…is not the kigo, and not referring to the amphibian…it is ‘v’ ‘shaped structure part in the foot of a horse. and how i linked it.
i also summit:
lunging into
a lightning bolt
the sound of hooves
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
or if there (is) a problem….interpreting with a “pause” between line 2 ending and the beginning of line 3…then:
the sound of hooves
lunging into
a lightning bolt
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
—Dan Campbell
.
a losing season
but still a tip of the hat
from the scarecrow
.
parsnips
grow sweeter
with a touch of frost
.
autumn rain drowns out
the jazzy tunes
from a neighbor’s house
.
a flock of blue jays
inspects
the tattered scarecrow
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
how do i know
want to send a parrot chirping
to mom’s phone
Congratulations, Dan 🙂 I do like the humour of a racehorse named Molasses. ((as if anyone would call their horse Molasses ! 🙂 I’m guessing that the link here is to “back seat”, and that Molasses the racehorse was stuck in the back of the pack.
.
John, I’m a tad surprised, though, that the chosen verse features a proper noun (Molasses, the horse’s name) since that takes attention (my attention, anyway) back to the proper noun, Earthrise (the name of the photo) . It seemed to me that the principal of uchikoshi /kannonbiraki meant we’d be avoiding this this sort of link to the verse before the verse we’re currently linking to. I’d be interested in your instructive comments about this issue, if you wouldn’t mind, John.
Lorin,
Your question has led me to some thoughts that I will share in my post for next week rather than in the stream of comments here. I think this may be of general interest and I wouldn’t want people to miss it if they are not reading back through the stream of comments.
Many thanks, John. I look forward to your thoughts on this matter next week! 🙂
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
or ask
a scarecrow
to roll your joint
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
the scarecrow
rolls a sloppy
joint
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
a long night
confused
can’t find that coffee shop
Big congratulations dear Dan Campbell
Lovely!!
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
how the voice
of the advice columnist
grates when he’s desolate
*
I see “desolate” is late autumn.
so how ’bout:
*
how the voice
of the advice columnist
clashes with the bell cricket
*
how the voice
of the advice columnist
thins in the autumn rain
the gag
no longer funny
we welcome their spirits
the gag
no longer funny
the crows grow fat
the gag
no longer funny
fall season canceled
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
*
the fog
takes the morning
to clear
*
the wind
in the reeds
goes slow
*
wave upon
wave of birds
migrating
Well done Dan, a very clever verse
a refreshing
mint julip to anesthetize
the pain
even a sumo wrestler
runs from the sound
of an ar-15
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
a scarecrow
pickets
the fence
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
a scarecrow
shuffles
his feet
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
how spinach enhances
the build
of a sumo wrestler
*
how fantasies enhance
the build
of a sumo wrestler
*
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
feeling the chill
despite so many irons
in the fire
*
the coming of autumn
brings a surge
of re-brandings
*
no luck
buying shoes against
the autumn rain
*
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
*
a scarecrow
always entitled
to imprunity
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
Congratulations, Dan! Love the wit. John, thanks for the tips.
*
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
*
Dan Campbell
*
the scarecrow sporting a pair
of apple-red
jockey briefs
*
scarecrow decked out
in apple-red
silks
*
Congratulations Dan! You got me smiling with that!
cicadas nearly
out drown the sound
of a coming train
Congrats Dan! Sage advice! 😄
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
—
a gathering
of polite Canadians—
maple sap
soaked to the bone
another ham hock
added to the stew
chance meeting
of the one who got away . . .
mackerel clouds
great advice in your commentary, john!
congrats!!! and with great advice, also, in your chosen lines, dan!
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
*
a scarecrow
propped against
an antique jug
07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek
the stakes
for the fall midterms
never higher
How did I miss ‘never’ lol.
the stakes
for the fall midterms
couldn’t be higher
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
rolling thunder
grass seed blowing
through my brain
Hi all. While I really like Dan’s verse, I guess I’m confused by the selection since betting clearly involves numbers. Weren’t we advised to avoid just that in any future verses because of the hokku?
Respectfully,
Betty
Betty,
You are right, of course. This is something I overlooked. A bet does not have to involve numbers but it very frequently does. While this didn’t occur to me, it clearly did to you. Since I believe that all entities are connected, the only kind of shift I can hope for is one in which the connection is not so obvious that it makes most readers think of an earlier verse (without, perhaps, going out of their way to do so). I guess I goofed in this instance.
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
Dan Campbell
—
how sweet
is the call of the wind
in the reeds
taste of black rain
on a fork
of lightning
each way
migrating birds
cross over
chancers
packed as sardines
in the container
down-at-heel hobo
has to earn bucks
as a scarecrow
suckered
by the scarecrow’s
open arms
still shaking
the dew off
my birthday suit
the peach comes
to a sticky end
in a trifle
hoofing it
like grandpaws
at the barn dance
never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses
–Dan Campbell
sailors arguing over
the difference between
mares tails and mackerel skies
.
migrant workers
give apples
to a grazing mare
.
migrant workers
pick
the apple crop
.
trying to figure out
mares’ tails
and mackerel skies
Congratulations Dan — always love your creativity and humour!
A illuminating opening comment, John, concerning the king’s men: thanks. And also for your other opener. I’m becoming addicted to renku and play along to learn more.
—–
I thought that:
the Mother of God
crosses the border
— Patrick Sweeney
was an immensely powerful verse in the current context of the pregnant crossing state lines to obtain abortion. Dynamite.