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The Renku Sessions: Barely Time – Week 5

renku_300

Hello again. This is John Stevenson and I will be facilitating a twelve verse renku, in the Jûnichô style. Over the coming weeks we will add one new verse each week, selected from your offers.

We had 186 offers for our fourth verse, from 35 poets.

I would like to take this opportunity to explain something about renku. Writing haiku, we are all used to making a complete poem with just a few words. This is not how it should be done in renku. The poetry is meant to occur in the interplay between verses rather than within individual verses. As an example (of many), the following was offered this week:

all the king’s men serving
various sentences

This verse, by Michael Henry Lee, was justly praised. I like it too. But renku is better served if a verse containing the phrase “all the king’s men” is followed by a different verse, from a different poet, that contains the phrase “serving various sentences.”

Having said that, I will probably prove inconsistent with some of my favorite verses from this week’s offerings:

 

a rattler sleeps
untroubled by mice

Keith Evetts

As Keith, no doubt, is aware, we will almost certainly not be including a second verse from the same poet in so short a renku, created by so many worthy poets. But he is also aware that he is encouraged to play along and continues to offer verses. This one does a great job of highlighting something new, something on the ground.

 

 

enlisting the defense team
of Larry Moe and Curly

Michael Henry Lee

This is a sharp turn in tone, from something very serious to something stupid.

 

 

never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses

Dan Campbell

Ditto.

 

 

fewer groceries
or less gasoline?

Chris Patchel

I like this one a lot but “fewer” may tend to relate to “short” and “count” in the hokku.

 

 

curls of flypaper
hang in the attic

Jonathan Alderfer

I also like this one very much. The link is not obvious. Perhaps the baby’s curls lead us here. But more likely, the things in the attic are forgotten things and we have just had two verses linked by “memories” and “forgetting.”

 

 

the general’s uniform
surprisingly small

Polona Oblak

By now, the theme in my comments is well established. I love this verse. I have often been struck by the way in which antique clothing suggests that our ancestors were physically smaller people. But, at least for some readers, “small” will relate back to “short” in the hokku.

 

 

the Mother of God
crosses the border

Patrick Sweeney

When I mentioned religion as one possible topic, I felt sure that some of us would link the baby in verse three to baby Jesus and I doubted that this would work. But this verse works by taking it a step further, focusing on the mother and on the fact that she, and her family, were refugees. Talk about forward motion! On the other hand, there’s that “star of Bethlehem.”

 

 

a full set of clubs
for a day on the course

andrew shimield

I read this as relating to the implication that the one who has forgotten the baby is male and would never forget to take his precious clubs from the back seat. If I select this verse, I will edit out “full” because counting is an element of the hokku.

 

 

our weekly rendezvous
at the laundromat

Debbie Scheving

This seems promising, though it would tend to force us to move into love verses next and I want to wait a couple of verses for that.

 

 

Another hard choice. These and other good offers can possibly be related to images and concepts already stated or strongly implied in just the first three verses. This will be an increasingly prominent challenge as we go forward. It is possible to find connections between almost any set of images if one tries hard enough. What is a reasonable degree of relationship is the question, but one that will have different answers from different readers.

 

 

OUR FOURTH VERSE

 

never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses

     Dan Campbell

 

When linking to this verse, I urge you to refrain from using velocity (a measurement) as the common element.

 

Our Renku, So Far

 

BARELY TIME

 

short night
barely time
to count the stars

Keith Evetts

 

Earthrise still fresh
in our memories

Lorin Ford

 

somehow forgetting
the baby
in the back seat

Tracy Davidson

 

never bet on a racehorse
named Molasses

Dan Campbell

 

 

THIS WEEK

Please offer candidates for a fifth verse, using these guidelines:

  • Three lines
  • Containing an autumn kigo (other than the moon) from our list: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html
  • Linking with the fourth verse only (no obvious linking to any of the first three verses)
  • Without an internal grammatical break or pause

 

Please enter your offers in the comments section, below. Offers should be made by midnight, eastern US time, on Monday, July 18. On Thursday, July 21 I will post a selection of the offers, with my comments, and select the fifth verse for “Barely Time.”

Thank you all.

John Stevenson

 

 

 

 

 

The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct

This Post Has 114 Comments

      1. sorry please edit to:

        the lackluster
        of sour grapes
        stirring en plein air

        07. 18. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  1. a rose
    is a rose but for this
    rose of sharon

    07. 18. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  2. a morning wagtail
    flipping twigs
    like pancakes

    07. 18. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  3. filling my lungs
    with autumn sky
    all day long
    .

    dry stems crackle
    as a deer moves
    through the marsh
    .

    even the towering weeds
    in the garden
    are withering

    1. the triple spaces in the last line of the previous post were auto-deleted so:

      filling my lungs
      with autumn sky
      all . . . day . . . long

  4. Congratulations, Dan. The “Dan-ism” made me smile from the first read.
    *
    the mesmerizing sway
    of a tall
    pampas grass
    *
    peaches still warm
    in the cobbler
    and cream
    *
    lightning foretells
    that a change
    is coming
    *
    the fall of a
    pawlonia leaf
    on bare hills
    *
    rice sparrows dart
    over their wet
    harvest

  5. Congratulations Dan

    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    the boy builds
    a scarecrow
    with the glue

    ……

    the scarecrow
    stays glued
    to the field

    ……..

    she blushes
    as her slip
    shows

  6. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    – Dan Campbell
    *
    bits of blue
    swallowed by
    the mackerel clouds

    yellow encrusted vents
    sulphuring
    the dense fog

    a filigree
    of dew
    on the tree limbs
    – Betty Shropshire

  7. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    all the hens
    cackle at the purebred
    cock’s comb

    a cricket
    jumping and jumping
    in a jamjar

  8. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell
    *
    departing geese
    honk as they cross
    the skyline

  9. the scarecrow winks
    when the boys
    hide their stash

    flashes of hair
    the colour of honey
    seen through the fog

    jockeys playing poker
    on straw bundles
    in the stables

  10. all out
    to arrest the scarecrow
    for trespassing

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  11. the sound of hooves
    lunging into
    a lightning bolt

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  12. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    *********

    the once loud
    cricket chorus
    faint . . . fainter

    *****

    the silky swish
    of pale golden
    pampas plumes

  13. autumn
    colour
    in the breeze

    07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    one pawlonia leaf
    and down the stretch
    they come

    07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    one pawlonia leaf
    and orders for rakes
    going off the roof

    07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    waters of autumn
    and down the stretch
    they come

    07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    first storm
    and down the stretch
    they come

    07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    1. oooops…caution!!!….the ‘one pawlonia leaf’ submissions have an element consistent with…numbers and can be associated with counting….i apologize for this.

  14. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    —Dan Campbell

    fluttering
    in a field of grass blooms
    birds singing

    1. or maybe;

      fluttering
      in a field of grass blossoms
      birds singing

      or

      fluttering
      in a field of grasses in bloom
      birds singing

      1. never bet on a racehorse
        named Molasses
        —Dan Campbell

        fluttering songs
        in fields
        of forbs in bloom

  15. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    ——Dan Campbell
    .

    weeds seeds
    hitch a ride
    on the autumn wind
    .

    geese move
    through the fog
    in a pagoda of notes
    .

    an evening skimmer
    searches for a sunlit perch
    among the gravestones

    (“evening skimmer” is the name of a species of dragonfly)

  16. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    -Dan Campbell

    in the lantern’s glow
    shrunken heads are dribbling Rumbullion
    through sewn lips

  17. black straps unwind
    when rabbis unite
    in fiery dance

    07. 16. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  18. Thank you for comments John, so rich. The spirited offerings in this energetic renku are delightful and invite more play.

    *
    weeping
    bush clover
    cools down

  19. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    a candy apple
    left at the bottom
    of the goodie sack

  20. a salmon swimming
    through the air
    in an eagle’s claws
    ***
    the surprised stare
    of a salmon
    in an eagle’s claws
    ***
    a prodigal son’s
    lantern searching
    for home

  21. birds gather
    to sing about
    grass blooms

    new coolness
    running along
    a stream

  22. no place
    for a bell cricket
    on the bell

    the teeming
    waters of autumn
    also run

    what the pine learns
    from the pine cricket
    is pure speculation

  23. somehow forgetting
    the baby
    in the back seat … Tracy Davidson
    .
    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses …Dan Campbell
    .
    scratching
    up potatoes
    from the mud
    .

  24. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    — Dan Campbell

    who will tell
    the scarecrow
    his fly is open

    the wind
    passing over
    a scarecrow

    a scarecrow
    leaning in
    to the wind

  25. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    — Dan Campbell

    a slip dress
    all the rich blues
    of morning glory

    —Marietta McGregor

    1. Or:

      a slip dress
      all the rich blues
      of morning glories

      —Marietta McGregor

  26. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    — Dan Campbell

    lanterns
    lead the way
    to an inner sanctum

    — Marietta McGregor
    .

  27. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    —Dan Campbell

    fanning ourselves
    in the remaining heat
    after a bout

    — Marietta McGregor

  28. Worse than crossing the desert on a Horse with No Name. Very amusing verse, Dan! And I’m enjoying the comments as we go along and as it all gets harder.

    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    — Dan Campbell

    when
    the remaining heat
    features a champion
    — Marietta McGregor

  29. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    a pine mushroom
    pops up
    out of nowhere

    wild orchids
    through the weave
    of moist manure

    japanese ivy
    crimsons up against
    the stable wall

    the seeds
    that settle
    from a bed of hay

    1. Guess I’ll have to withdraw ‘a pine mushroom’ as mushroom is a late autumn kigo. Perhaps:

      a cricket
      pops up
      out of nowhere

  30. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    still hanging on
    hear the buzz of the wasp
    while separating between poison and medicine

  31. somehow forgetting
    the baby
    in the back seat –Tracy Davidson
    .
    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses –Dan Campbell
    .
    the turf comes alive
    with the various sounds
    of insects
    .
    (“insects, bugs (mushi, all autumn). Many named insects are found in summer; this refers mainly to insect sounds. “)

  32. somehow forgetting
    the baby
    in the back seat

    Tracy Davidson

    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    *
    well done, made me laugh 🙂

    just thinking, there’s human presence – direct or indirect – in all the four verses we have so far, so i guess we need one that’s completely human-free. even more so if a pair of love verses comes next…

    the sky
    fills with calls
    of migrating birds

    shimmer
    of dragonfly wings
    along the reed bed

    the fog
    has borrowed its scent
    from the pines

  33. Molasses and I appreciate the selection and comments!

    a farmer
    adjusting
    the scarecrow’s grin
    ***
    a scarecrow
    with a bird nest
    for a heart
    ****
    two scarecrows
    staring at
    each other
    ***
    scarecrow
    listening to
    the lonely farmer

  34. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    *
    Dan Campbell
    *
    the curious way salmon
    only pretend
    to drink
    *
    what can be learned
    about home schooling
    from the salmon
    *

  35. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    Dan Campbell
    *************
    picking
    the first peach
    her morning’s run
    **
    her thrill
    to watch unabated
    rice sparrows
    ***
    Maples red leaves
    her mood of
    renunciation
    ***
    digging potato
    her agricultural
    past time
    **
    no more
    straw bundles
    she envisages

  36. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    —Dan Campbell

    knotgrass
    line the path
    of the garden

    a road to eden
    in the shadows
    of the lantern

  37. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    *
    Dan Campbell
    *
    the first satisfying sip
    from the waters
    of autumn
    *
    salmon following
    instinct through the waters
    of autumn
    *

  38. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    *
    Dan Campbell
    *
    the splash
    of false cadence
    from the falling sweetfish
    *
    splashed
    by the false cadence
    of a falling sweetfish
    *

  39. his field
    full of haystacks
    for us to roll around in

    who knows
    what the katydid
    did next

    no sweetness
    in the sour apples
    I scrump

  40. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    *
    Dan Campbell
    *
    the glittering
    of the salmon
    in their suits of mail
    *

    1. better link:
      *
      never bet on a racehorse
      named Molasses
      *
      Dan Campbell
      *
      the glittering of the salmon
      in their silky
      suits of mail

  41. Congratulations Dan.

    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    —Dan Campbell

    a lantern
    on our path
    to eden

    a lantern
    on the path
    to our garden

    lantern shadows
    on the path
    of our garden

    our garden
    with a stone lantern
    to light the way

  42. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    -Dan Campbell

    Scarecrow
    does nothing
    during the uprising

    1. .
      .
      cricket
      and i
      restless leg syndrome
      .
      cricket
      and i
      sing for our supper
      .
      cricket
      and i
      chew through cash
      .
      cricket
      and i
      consider husbandry
      .
      cricket
      and i
      all night long
      .
      .
      after marlene mountain

  43. a cool reception
    awarded
    the winner

    a desolate pasture
    with nary
    a weed

    windstorms
    obscure any tracks
    in the sand

    1. Up late or early, Michael?!

      Love
      “a desolate pasture
      with nary
      a weed”
      …in so many ways

  44. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    the desolate
    certainties
    of war

    a woolly jumper
    full of holes against
    the morning chill

    sticking to the line
    the next mutation’s no worse
    than a little cold

    the nagging doubt
    there’ll be survivors
    when the fog clears

  45. Questing and learning: I’m thinking that…

    …the moon verse would normally be at v5 according to the Okimotos’ prescription for a Junicho beginning in summer, but ‘moon’ here has been expressly excluded by John our sabaki — and guessing this is because we’ve already had the implied moon in Earthrise, and we’re not going to have a later moon verse?

    …v6 should (according to the schedule) be a paired autumn verse, so in v5 presumably we should observe constraints on which phase of autumn the season word should be, leaving room for later in the season? So this time all, early or mid autumn?

    …and now we won’t want moon, stars, night, time, numbers, Earth or other planets, baby or child, cars, seats, other mammal, proper noun, not yet love (v7&8); now perhaps preferably a serious matter, and reestablish a little style or musicality, could even be blossom associated with the season?

    Or am I lost in the maze?!

    1. Keith,

      If you go back to my first post for this session, I quoted guidelines from the “Renku Home” website. Here they are again, in pertinent part:
      .
      “A twelve-tone renku consists of twelve stanzas. There is no front or back. One blossom stanza, which may be any flower in any season–it need not be cherry blossoms. One moon stanza, which may be any sort of moon in any season. About two love stanzas, in any position. About half the verses will be seasonal (a pair each for spring and autumn, one each summer and winter), and half non-seasonal, in a flexible order. About half with human focus, the rest on places, animals, plants, and the like.”
      .
      So, I don’t recognize any requirement about the particular verse or season for the moon and, yes, I am considering verse two to be our moon verse in this session.
      .
      Yes, verses five and six will both be autumn verses, so I’m going to select a fifth verse that contains something other than a “late autumn” kigo (as presented on our list of season words). And, in fact, I am contemplating asking that verse six be an autumn love verse. I like the idea of placing the two love verses over the “fold” (mid-point) of the renku. I haven’t stated these things because I wish to remain open to other possibilities and because I haven’t wanted to burden participants with too many instructions. I look upon renku as a stimulation of writing, much of which will not be used in the actual renku but all of which has a value for the writer and possibly a future use in other settings.

      I think your list of things we have already covered (and won’t want to repeat in any obvious way) is pretty good. And your suggestions about what we might like to do with verse five (“a serious matter, and reestablish a little style or musicality, could even be blossom associated with the season”) are also good, though, again, I don’t want to prescribe so precisely that I foreclose on other possibilities.

      1. Many thanks for the extensive, instructive and helpful reply, John, as I edge towards more understanding of the renku craft.

  46. lunging into
    a lightning bolt
    the sound of frogs

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    or if there (is) a problem….interpreting with a “pause” between line 2 ending and the beginning of line 3…then:

    the sound of frogs
    lunging into
    a lightning bolt

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    1. please note….’frogs’ used here…is not the kigo, and not referring to the amphibian…it is ‘v’ ‘shaped structure part in the foot of a horse. and how i linked it.

      i also summit:

      lunging into
      a lightning bolt
      the sound of hooves

      07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

      or if there (is) a problem….interpreting with a “pause” between line 2 ending and the beginning of line 3…then:

      the sound of hooves
      lunging into
      a lightning bolt

      07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  47. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    —Dan Campbell
    .

    a losing season
    but still a tip of the hat
    from the scarecrow
    .

    parsnips
    grow sweeter
    with a touch of frost
    .

    autumn rain drowns out
    the jazzy tunes
    from a neighbor’s house
    .

    a flock of blue jays
    inspects
    the tattered scarecrow

  48. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    how do i know
    want to send a parrot chirping
    to mom’s phone

  49. Congratulations, Dan 🙂 I do like the humour of a racehorse named Molasses. ((as if anyone would call their horse Molasses ! 🙂 I’m guessing that the link here is to “back seat”, and that Molasses the racehorse was stuck in the back of the pack.
    .
    John, I’m a tad surprised, though, that the chosen verse features a proper noun (Molasses, the horse’s name) since that takes attention (my attention, anyway) back to the proper noun, Earthrise (the name of the photo) . It seemed to me that the principal of uchikoshi /kannonbiraki meant we’d be avoiding this this sort of link to the verse before the verse we’re currently linking to. I’d be interested in your instructive comments about this issue, if you wouldn’t mind, John.

    1. Lorin,

      Your question has led me to some thoughts that I will share in my post for next week rather than in the stream of comments here. I think this may be of general interest and I wouldn’t want people to miss it if they are not reading back through the stream of comments.

      1. Many thanks, John. I look forward to your thoughts on this matter next week! 🙂

  50. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    or ask
    a scarecrow
    to roll your joint

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  51. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    a long night
    confused
    can’t find that coffee shop

  52. Big congratulations dear Dan Campbell
    Lovely!!

    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

  53. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    *
    Dan Campbell
    *
    how the voice
    of the advice columnist
    grates when he’s desolate
    *

    1. I see “desolate” is late autumn.
      so how ’bout:
      *
      how the voice
      of the advice columnist
      clashes with the bell cricket
      *
      how the voice
      of the advice columnist
      thins in the autumn rain

  54. the gag
    no longer funny
    we welcome their spirits

    the gag
    no longer funny
    the crows grow fat

    the gag
    no longer funny
    fall season canceled

  55. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell
    *
    the fog
    takes the morning
    to clear
    *
    the wind
    in the reeds
    goes slow
    *
    wave upon
    wave of birds
    migrating

  56. Well done Dan, a very clever verse

    a refreshing
    mint julip to anesthetize
    the pain

  57. even a sumo wrestler
    runs from the sound
    of an ar-15

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  58. a scarecrow
    pickets
    the fence

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    a scarecrow
    shuffles
    his feet

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  59. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    *
    Dan Campbell
    *
    how spinach enhances
    the build
    of a sumo wrestler
    *
    how fantasies enhance
    the build
    of a sumo wrestler
    *

  60. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    *
    Dan Campbell
    *
    feeling the chill
    despite so many irons
    in the fire
    *
    the coming of autumn
    brings a surge
    of re-brandings
    *
    no luck
    buying shoes against
    the autumn rain
    *

  61. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    *
    a scarecrow
    always entitled
    to imprunity

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

  62. Congratulations, Dan! Love the wit. John, thanks for the tips.
    *

    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses
    *
    Dan Campbell
    *
    the scarecrow sporting a pair
    of apple-red
    jockey briefs
    *
    scarecrow decked out
    in apple-red
    silks
    *

  63. Congratulations Dan! You got me smiling with that!

    cicadas nearly
    out drown the sound
    of a coming train

  64. Congrats Dan! Sage advice! 😄

    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    a gathering
    of polite Canadians—
    maple sap

    soaked to the bone
    another ham hock
    added to the stew

    chance meeting
    of the one who got away . . .
    mackerel clouds

  65. great advice in your commentary, john!
    congrats!!! and with great advice, also, in your chosen lines, dan!

    never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    *

    a scarecrow
    propped against
    an antique jug

    07. 14. 2022 by wendy © bialek

    1. How did I miss ‘never’ lol.

      the stakes
      for the fall midterms
      couldn’t be higher

  66. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell

    rolling thunder
    grass seed blowing
    through my brain

  67. Hi all. While I really like Dan’s verse, I guess I’m confused by the selection since betting clearly involves numbers. Weren’t we advised to avoid just that in any future verses because of the hokku?
    Respectfully,
    Betty

    1. Betty,

      You are right, of course. This is something I overlooked. A bet does not have to involve numbers but it very frequently does. While this didn’t occur to me, it clearly did to you. Since I believe that all entities are connected, the only kind of shift I can hope for is one in which the connection is not so obvious that it makes most readers think of an earlier verse (without, perhaps, going out of their way to do so). I guess I goofed in this instance.

  68. never bet on a racehorse
    named Molasses

    Dan Campbell


    how sweet
    is the call of the wind
    in the reeds

    taste of black rain
    on a fork
    of lightning

    each way
    migrating birds
    cross over

    chancers
    packed as sardines
    in the container

    down-at-heel hobo
    has to earn bucks
    as a scarecrow

    suckered
    by the scarecrow’s
    open arms

    still shaking
    the dew off
    my birthday suit

    the peach comes
    to a sticky end
    in a trifle

    hoofing it
    like grandpaws
    at the barn dance

    1. never bet on a racehorse
      named Molasses
      –Dan Campbell

      sailors arguing over
      the difference between
      mares tails and mackerel skies
      .
      migrant workers
      give apples
      to a grazing mare
      .
      migrant workers
      pick
      the apple crop
      .
      trying to figure out
      mares’ tails
      and mackerel skies

  69. Congratulations Dan — always love your creativity and humour!

    A illuminating opening comment, John, concerning the king’s men: thanks. And also for your other opener. I’m becoming addicted to renku and play along to learn more.

    —–

    I thought that:

    the Mother of God
    crosses the border

    — Patrick Sweeney

    was an immensely powerful verse in the current context of the pregnant crossing state lines to obtain abortion. Dynamite.

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