Renku Sessions

The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 9

renkuchainGreetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.

Good morning again, renku fans and especially to those who offered links in week 8. There were several worthy verses and i’m happy to say i’ve chosen:

in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically

              –Marilyn Potter

This links with verse 8 in two ways, and in both there’s a second step to the link.

To the “quaking forest” we are offered not just the succour of a garden but that of inside “the garden shop” and to to “balls of moss,” no seeds being planted or in the air, but “seed packets” – needing to be opened up a second time to be dispersed.

I also took pleasure in the choice of “arrayed” over, say, “arranged” because it emphasizes the appeal to the pleasure of a viewer seeing them over the act of the subject accomplishing this.

Further, the assonance of the “a”s – 5 of them – in the last line affords the fancy of believing you’re starting to read and view the display of the packets, left to right, as you’re reading the line. Well written, firmly linked and with a light touch at the end; thank you, Marilyn.

So now what we need for verse 10 is 2 lines, still in spring. Inside, like this last or out-of-doors, either is okay. Just no flowers or blossoms, no repeated activity from the previous 9 and neither can we have another mammal or a moon verse.

Happy linking,
Marshall

 

A Day of Snow to Date

a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door

    –Marshall Hrycuik

coyote song closer
this longest night

    –Judt Shrode

incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd

      –Maureen Virchau

bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters

    –Paul MacNeil

dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight

    –steve smolak

faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match

    –Betty Shropshire

facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones

      –Barbara A. Taylor

balls of moss
exit the quaking forest

      –Carmen Sterba

in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically

      –Marilyn Potter

This Post Has 183 Comments

    1. okay, thanks, Marilyn for clearing this up -“slime” feels menacing here -and it brings back to mind the “points/ the bones” which is not acceptable here

    1. first line an improvement, Marietta, second line feels ‘fast-forward’

    1. this is simply too long for 2 lines, Marietta -and though it does indicate spring i was still looking for a narural setting

    1. too much of a sense of purpose for these cute ducklings for me, paul

  5. You are right about too many “b” words in a row. Would this work instead?
    .
    in and out the nest box
    chickadees busy all day
    .

    1. most likely not, Mary, because need a bird like a bluebird or a martin that will use a box for a nest -I don’t believe a chickadee would do this -maybe a feeder tray, but anyway, I didn’t want any kind of nest after we exited the forest

    1. not enough given to me here, Marilyn, for me to be able to read this properly -are they foot-prints?, butterflies with silver spangles or artworks called, ‘illuminations’? -second line intriguing as well but i can’t interpret it without an understanding of what the first line refers to

    1. some mighty divine vine, there, Agnes -enjoy the dark side of nature being presented here just find it somewhat phantastical for a compost to be so active in spring that a discarded vine could commandeer a vegetable garden before summer started

      1. that’s true, it is a bit seasonally inaccurate. it’s just starting its invasion at the moment 😉 I’m in Texas so the garden is a monster already but yeah, that vine is exaggerated a bit. One last stab:
        **
        **
        a vine from the compost
        invades the veggie patch

    1. well done, Michael Henry -you’ve simplified our palate and made a witty play upon our dedication to the seasons -“opener” being the response to the double enclosure of seeds in a packet -now i have another worthy offering to think about, thanks

    1. Ooops! I just noticed Karen Cesar used “snap peas” in her verse. Sorry, Karen. I was thinking about my actual garden, but let’s change this one to:
      .
      bean tendrils
      slither up a trellis

      1. Oh Mary, please, let’s let Marshall consider BOTH of your verses. Our verses aren’t at all similar. Consider contests where everyone has to use the same kigo.

        ? Karen

      2. yeah, no problem considering both, Karen -if one fits, it fits -with this one i have huge reservations about “slither”, Mary -this word to me is an active verb that implies a certain kind of motion but is here used to describe a ‘steady state’ where no motion is discernible -we can say we can see tadpoles ‘growing’ legs if we watch long enough, attentively enough but I do not believe any one can with the naked human eye see tendrils ‘grow’ or ‘climb’ a trellis -we simply notice the difference in state from time to time, say day to day

    2. and so as I said above, Mary -“sugar snap peas” sounds like a nursery rhyme, no? -“Jimmy crack corn”?

      1. Hmmm, it doesn’t sound that way to me. I grow sugar snap peas, so I guess they seem perfectly normal. I’ll put this one to rest I think.

  10. I should have said it earlier, but congratulations to Marilyn for a very fine verse. A lovely choice.
    .
    in and out the nest box
    bluebirds busy all day

    1. hello, Mary -glad you sent over another verse offering -I’ve decided after a few days of considering Lorin’s arguments that your “rivulets of pollen” is too close to “balls of moss” -though I still think that the line combined with “meanders down the drive” is a lovely poem -this one has a delightful bustle of energy that many of this link’s offerings have been lacking -but you have 3 words in a row beginning with ‘b’ -alliteration can strengthen a haiku when they’re spaced out and not so noticeable -but when you only have 2 lines it’s awfully easy to sound too heavy

    1. wouldn’t that be a potato? joel, and doesn’t this seem to reinforce a major bit of ethnic stereotyping?

      1. Marshall: Sorry about the spelling error-I was on my phone and originally had plural “potatoes” and left the “e” when I made it singular. I’m not trying to be Dan Quayle! 🙂 Not sure I get the stereotyping with this -all I know is that it is a spring ritual in places I’ve lived to plant potatoes on St Patrick’s Day and it had nothing to do with stereotyping – it was more of a ceremonial action. Others insisted that potatoes be planted on Good Friday – would that be a better option?
        .
        .
        potato planting
        on Good Friday

        1. no, not for me, joel -when I was young and Roman Catholic, Good Friday was the one day of the year when you performed no useful labour or ‘servile work’ -so it would probably offend as many people as it would please

      2. Joel & Marshall, for what it’s worth, I’m neither Irish nor Catholic, but tradition in English-speaking nations has these handy reminders of when to plant what that goes way beyond any ethnic origins. Where I am, the adage (& the old almanacs) have it that one must plant sweet peas (the flower sort) by St Patrick;s day.
        —
        But a more relevant point is that St, Pat’s Day, Easter, Christmas, Passover etc. are *not* seasonal indicators, but calendar references. These observances occur on the same dates world wide, It ‘ll be spring somewhere & autumn somewhere else & neither of these seasons in tropical regions.
        Hey, in the 21st century, I think we need to go beyond the ‘flat earth theory’ approach to renku, unless it’s specifically stated from the beginning that this is “a Hawaiian renku”, ” an Alaskan renku”, “a Sicilian renku” etc.
        —
        – Lorin

  12. balls of moss
    exit the quaking forest
    .

    –Carmen Sterba
    .
    in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    .

    –Marilyn Potter
    .
    sautéing snap peas
    with a thin slice of fennel
    .
    – Karen Cesar

    1. doesn’t “saute’ing” (apostrophe for accent egout) seem somewhat awkward here -as I said before, I much prefer your ‘galsswing’ offering

  13. balls of moss
    exit the quaking forest
    .

    –Carmen Sterba
    .
    in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    .

    –Marilyn Potter
    .
    fashioning a kite
    from yesterday’s news
    .
    – Karen Cesar

    1. this has a whiff of extending a narrative to it, Karen, as well as a plotted human action to it -i’ll just say that I much prefer your ‘glasswing’ for this link

  14. after Maureen’s goslings
    –
    –
    cygnets working on
    their pas de quatre pond glide
    –
    –
    –
    Too familiar to define? French “pas de quatre” is a ballet dance for four people, famously “Dance of the Cygnets” in Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake.

    1. thanks, Judt, no not familiar with this term at all -and though i love ballet the dancers working on their glide could do so in any season -though, as you say, this links with Maureen’s goslings and not Marilyn’s spring verse

      1. Hi Marshall…Well, actually, I think cygnets are spring, and the four of them following mom would be somewhat arrayed? Just acknowledging that cygnets came to mind because of Maureen’s goslings.
        Not at all trying to put this forward as a good verse, but I am trying to hit all the elements…which I was hoping I had done.

    1. P.S. Congratulations, Marilyn. A wonderful verse for spring. Another great choice, Marshall.

    2. fairly ‘spring’ enough, Maureen -though the repeated ‘g’s in verse one followed by alliterative ‘p’s in verse two just feels too pat and comfortable

  16. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    –Marilyn Potter
    —

    shoots of the misnamed
    Jerusalem artichoke

    —
    – Lorin

    1. I like, “shoots” after that this seems to invite controversy more than ‘relay’ our renku

  17. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically

    –Marilyn Potter
    —
    some world regions
    still have honeybees
    —
    – Lorin

    1. certainly, Marietta, a familiar sight to anyone with moorhens in their neighbourhood – just that “tail-end up” followed by “around” is too awkward

    1. hi again, Marietta -i’m afraid a butterfly ‘investigating’ though I understand the characterization is just over the line in personification

    1. yes, Judt, they did seem groggy, but in the last few years they are darker in colour, larger and seem to be much more determined

  21. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    –Marilyn Potter
    —

    counting wild quail chicks
    I imagine Canada
    —
    – Lorin

    1. yeah, Lorin it gets to 38 Celsius here about twice a year -but it’s never the same 3 days in a row -i tell people we have weather here, not a climate -it snowed today after being 22 on Thursday

      1. … and they say it’s Melbourne that has 4 seasons in one day! 🙂
        (not your seasons, though) We get 45C + some days in summer.
        —
        – Lorin

    1. repeat of “lit” from verse 3 -and i suspect you’re describing your experience of the renku -or mine -rather than offering a link -but fun enough

  23. balls of moss
    exit the quaking forest
    .

    –Carmen Sterba

    .
    in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    .

    –Marilyn Potter
    .
    plaster of Paris
    seals the killing jar
    .
    -Karen Cesar

    1. “jar” and “packets” too close, Karen -never used jars myself by the way

  24. balls of moss
    exit the quaking forest
    .

    –Carmen Sterba
    .
    in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    .

    –Marilyn Potter
    .
    the butterfly catcher
    retires his net
    .
    -Karen Cesar

    1. “glasswing” a dragonfly, Karen? -anyway, if it is i like this verse’s playful irony of something similar to what you want to catch having already landed on a part of the catching devise -and butterflies are becoming painfully scarce -i’ll keep this one around here, thanks

    2. never, Karen, they just get torn to pieces on thistles and bad sewing -too downer of a link for me

  25. balls of moss
    exit the quaking forest
    .

    –Carmen Sterba
    .
    in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    .

    –Marilyn Potter
    .
    a glasswing on the handle
    of my butterfly net
    .
    – Karen Cesar

    1. “glasswing” a dragonfly, Karen? -anyway, if it is i like this verse’s playful irony of something similar to what you want to catch having already landed on a part of the catching devise -and butterflies are becoming painfully scarce -i’ll keep this one around here, thanks

    1. seems like a lot of work, Paul, for a simple cause-and-effect offering -can’t imagine ‘sow-bugs’ are as cute as wood ducklings

  28. balls of moss
    exit the quaking forest
    .

    –Carmen Sterba

    .
    in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    .

    –Marilyn Potter
    .

    the beachcomber’s pail
    brimming with shells
    .
    – Karen Cesar

    1. Or suggesting rather than naming the beachcomber:
      .

      sea glass and shells
      fill a dented tin pail

      1. hi Karen -no, seashells and such collected in a pail too close to “seed packets” -less so without saying “beachcomber” but still there

  29. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    –Marilyn Potter

    a bumblebee
    scatters schoolchildren

    1. yeah, no this kind of direct ’cause and effect’ moment is something i’d like to avoid at all times in haiku and haiku-related writing

  30. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    –Marilyn Potter

    down a muddy road
    we follow our own tracks home

    1. hi Carol Ann -this is well-written -but has a completion aspect to it i don’t want to include yet

    1. “paralexia” and “convulsion” belong in an ‘extreme language’ section, Patrick; something i’ve never had before -perhaps we should one of these and also a ‘dear wikipedia ‘ section too

  32. Hi Marshall, unless my system is not picking up properly, there seem to be several you haven’t left a note on. Verses by Brian Hall, Vasile Moldovan, Michael Henry Lee, and one by me. Just wondering about them…?

    1. hi, Marietta -sorry, i’ve just responded to these but don’t know if my posts appear according to time or beside the post i’m responding to -so you might want to check by your link

    1. original, paul, but very jarring after the garden shop -i’m guessing it would be a mass of squid fillets

    1. not crazy about the words, “wood” and “tree” 2 verses after “quaking forest’, paul -there must be something about this image arresting for you, though -can you write out in an offering what that is (without relating to something in a forest)?

  36. near the leaking toilet
    examining the pill-bug’s brood pouch

    -Patrick

    1. hi Patrick -no, just not ready to get this down and dirty this early in our renku

  37. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    –Marilyn Potter – Canada (Toronto)
    —
    a heat shimmer resolves
    into quail chicks
    —
    – Lorin

    1. or:
      —
      in the garden shop
      seed packets
      arrayed alphabetically
      –Marilyn Potter
      —
      a heat shimmer
      resolves into quail chicks
      —
      – Lorin

      1. strong but subtle link, Lorin, to “arrayed” -“resolves’ on the first line emphasizes the ‘shimmer’ or haze of diffusion -with “resolves” in the second line there is less confusion, but that may miss the point of the verse -at any rate, i like it better without the particle, ‘a’ if “resolves” is in the second line. For myself, I prefer the first one, “a heat shimmer resolves/ into quail chicks” -problem is “heat shimmer” is almost an epitome of a summer image and we just have to believe the spring suggestiveness of “quail chicks” overrides this -certainly in my part of the world, there is at least one heat wave before summer -and probably a little farther north of me, wild quail chicks appear after the summer solstice -so to be seasonably consistent, i don’t think we should have two different seasonalities suggested in one verse

        1. Hi Marshall,
          I thought ‘heat shimmer’ was supposed to begin in Spring (it is so in the Japanese lists, and also in reality here where I am, in southern Australia). I think of heat shimmers as wavering precursors or ‘little brothers’ to mirages.
          I’ve found this by someone in a place called Peeay (where that is, I don’t know & haven’t been able to locate, but the groundhog seem to suggest Nth, America)

          https://blogitorloseit.com/2014/04/13/first-heat-shimmers-haiku/
          —
          “First heat shimmer /
          over the highway – /
          groundhog, beware! //

          ◊

          For Carpe Diem Haiku Kai – Heat Shimmer

          ◊

          Sadly, Spring in Peeay brings a surge of groundhogs out of their burrows – and often those burrows are close to the highways.”
          —-

          The most common quail in Victoria ( …where I am) breeds, according to Wikipedia, between August & December (late winter to early summer. I’ve seen them mid-spring to early summer.
          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stubble_quail
          —
          (The way the chicks’ stripes move as they ‘flow’ along behind parent before vanishing into tussocks or scrub really does look like a heat shimmer or an illusion, Very clever camouflage on the part of the designer!)
          —
          Goodness, it does get hard with the seasons when we go international, though, doesn’t it?
          —

          – Lorin

        2. … and getting rid of the article (‘a’) would be fine with me should either of these versions end up being a contender.
          —
          – Lorin

        3. alow me to chime in, Marshall and Lorin.
          i’ve seen these pockets of shimmering air above a heated surface as early as late march, and until the effects of the climate change there was nothing extreme in the local climate (though in Slovenia we have an amazing array of different microclimates on a very small surface: from mediterranean to alpine to continental influences with a number of in-between stages)
          .
          when i wrote my first heat shimmers haiku it almost felt like cheating as it was observed in late april rather than summer. learned later, though, that it is in fact considered a spring phenomenon

          1. hi Polona and Lorin and everybody -“heat shimmer” brought to my mind, happily, i might add, a poem by the best Canadian poet of the 19th Century, Archibald Lampman. It’s called, “Heat” and it begins , “From plains that reel to southward dim” -so i believed a ‘heat shimmer’ was that wobbly air look you see most often around airplanes burning off fuel as they taxi -and when it’s really hot it feels like the whole landscape is ‘reeling’ like this from the heat -there is a winter shimmer that looks like a mist from a distance, but after you’re out in the minus 30 C for an hour you find your beard is filled with pellets even though it’s now snowing -i guess that’s a cold shimmer -at any rate if the quail in Australia usually have chicks in August it would seem i’m wrong on both accounts, but perhaps consistent in that we can’t have conflicting season indicators in one and the same verse

          2. Thanks, Polona and Marshall, for your responses. I’ve learned from them both. Like Slovenia, the areas of Southern Australian near the coast are said to have a ‘Mediterranean’ climate. The temperature in winter where I am never gets to 0 Celsius & it usually snows only up in the mountians. (I’ve seen snow 3 times in my life) Toronto is just a hop from New York & Michigan in the USA.
            —
            Of course terrain and closeness to oceans need to be taken into account, but the obvious thing is that, at around 37°0′S 139°42′E, climate here is likely to be closer to the Southern-most USA States at around 37°0′N … California, New Mexico (although land-locked, there) and the island of Honshū in Japan (where Fukushima is). So what is “really hot” in Toronto is likely to be a pleasant summer day in Victoria, Aust.
            —
            I begin to understand why the Japanese invented the saijiki… so that all participants across the various Japanese islands would be in the same boat. But here, we are working without a common reference for seasons. Since without a common reference the final authority on seasonal indicators is the sabaki, if Marshall declares (as he does) that ‘heat shimmer’ and ‘quail chicks’ indicate conflicting seasons or that seed packets indicate Spring (because that’s how it is in his region) then all I can do is accept that this is a regional renku, specific to Nothern USA/ Southern Canada. I may have a chance in non-seasonal verse spots or those tagged ‘foreign/exotic’.
            —
            – Lorin (up the creek without a saijiki)

    1. hello Brian -a simile in the first line usually screams out in a renku -and did you mean “on the leaves’ backs” or “on the leaf’s back”?

    1. sense of human accomplishment in this, Vasile that i don’t want to repeat here

    1. hi Vasile -spelling should be ‘listening’ -like the ‘rainy clouds’ much better as it has two distinct elements

    1. “vaccuum bags” a parallel to “seed packets” playfully witty but not the kind of linking i’m looking for

    1. “vaccuum bags” a parallel to “seed packets” playfully witty but not the kind of linking i’m looking for

    1. hi, Marietta -no, no computer problem, i must have skipped these four offerings when i wanted to get to Lorin’s complaint about repeated ‘clumps of vegetal (sic) matter’ and forgot to go back to the ones before that -sorry -this link of yours has a lightness of whimsey to it -because of course they don’t know what they’re defending other than their new family -but i find the concern for human affairs still a bit of an unnecessary intrusion here

  44. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically

    –Marilyn Potter
    .
    .
    some of the tadpoles
    beginning to grow legs

    2. hello again, Polona -I think I like the tadpoles “beginning to grow legs” the best -to my mind, it slows the growing down more to the pace of the growth -have to think about this one, thanks

  45. Marshall, this is addictive! Here are a few more kinesthetic ideas for the pollen verse:

    the original:
    a rivulet of pollen
    colors the street
    __________

    rivulets of pollen
    trickle down the path
    .
    rivulets of pollen
    cascade over the curb

    a rivulet of pollen
    splashes in the gutter

    rivulets of pollen
    meander down the drive

    rivulets of pollen
    ramble down the road

    rivulets of pollen
    wander through the street

    rivulets of pollen
    trace around puddles

    1. Yikes…no spaces! Sorry. Another try:
      Marshall, this is addictive! Here are a few more kinesthetic ideas for the pollen verse:
      .
      the original:
      a rivulet of pollen
      colors the street
      __________
      .

      rivulets of pollen
      trickle down the path
      .
      rivulets of pollen
      cascade over the curb
      .
      a rivulet of pollen
      splashes in the gutter
      .
      rivulets of pollen
      meander down the drive
      .
      rivulets of pollen
      ramble down the road
      .
      rivulets of pollen
      wander through the street
      .
      rivulets of pollen
      trace around puddles

      1. Mary & Marshall, don’t all of these return us to the last -but -one verse (uchikoshi) ? :
        —
        balls of moss
        exit the quaking forest

        –Carmen Sterba
        —
        – Lorin

        1. No, i don’t think so, Lorin in that the structures contained in the words are so different: moss as amorphous/ rivulets a definite shape, escaping a chaos of “quaking forest’ versus ‘down an drive or street’ -a narrowly defined course in a well-lit area. What is similar is the opening out from a sealed off area or circumstance but i see them diverging in different ways in a different direction (down) and moss doesn’t have pollen; the end result of seeds (fertilized plants) do. The balls of moss could be experienced in darkness, and is probably a counter-factual whereas the rivulets of pollen could be driven over in the dark, but not seen as rivulets except under the influence of a light source and can be seen down most North American streets in any spring. So i’m not concerned about this possible verse ‘back-linking’ or reversing or repeating the direction in or of our renku

          1. Ok, thanks, Marshall. To explain my query: I guess I saw both Carmen’s & Mary’s ku under an imagined category something like ‘Travelling Clumps of Vegetable Matter’. 🙂
            —
            -Lorin

      2. hi Mary -I think i prefer “meander down the drive” the most -which one do your prefer?

        1. Hi Marshall,
          Yes, I like the word “meander” here:
          .
          rivulets of pollen
          meander down the drive

          .
          (apologies for sending so many choices…I’ll be good from now on)

    1. hi Paul -like Judt’s before on this link, wouldn’t this be better as a 3-liner?

  47. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    –Marilyn Potter
    —
    under the rainbow
    sunlit ducklings
    —
    – Lorin

    1. well, this is both lovely and a propos, Lorin -rainbows could happen anytime but you have the sun’s light breaking through on young fowl in a fresh array -will keep this one around, thanks

  48. Maybe brussell sprouts too much like balls of moss

    Maybe:

    dandelion greens
    finsish a mesclun salad

    1. yeah, brussels sprouts a little too close, but i’m mostly just ‘off’ the eating concern here -the link with ‘seed packets’ doesn’t have to be food

    1. maybe it clogs the renku too, Lorin -i still like ‘rivulets of pollen”

  51. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically
    –Marilyn Potter
    —

    the crunch of asparagus
    with my scrambled eggs

    —
    – Lorin

    1. just too many modifiers, Agnes: ‘zesty’, ‘freshly’ and ‘new’ -try for evocative nouns that expand their meaning (in the context of the verse (and the renku)) without modifiers -not always easy or natural but after you start with none you can test whether each one you add enriches your offering

    1. hi Agnes -feel like you’re linking to the orderliness of the ‘array’ whereas I want to appeal to its disjointedness

  54. Thanks for the feedback on this one, Marshall. You were right. I shouldn’t have used ‘colors’ here:
    .
    a rivulet of pollen
    colors the street
    .
    Here are some alternatives:
    .
    a rivulet of pollen
    gilds the street
    .
    a rivulet of pollen
    adorns the street
    .
    a rivulet of pollen
    brightens the street
    .
    a rivulet of pollen
    decorates the street
    .
    (I like the use of ‘gilds’ (v) of these choices, but brightens has a similar effect.)

    1. hi Mary -thanks for working on this one -I was thinking of making it more kinaesthetic and feel-sensitive and have it ‘swivels across the street’ or even ‘rivulets of pollen/ swivel across the streets’ because that’s what i saw them do on the north shore in Long Island NY in the spring

      1. Yes, I was thinking of the movement, too…will work on this and come back. Thanks for the feedback.

    1. very tactile, Judt -think it works better as a 3-liner, “two knuckles deep” as the second line

  56. in the garden shop
    seed packets
    arrayed alphabetically

    –Marilyn Potter
    .
    .
    every asphalt puddle
    outlined with pollen

    1. hi Polona -reminds me of Mary’s -prefer the ‘rivulets of pollen’

    1. witty, Michael Henry -but i’m not a fan of colloquial phrases in renku -plus, when i ran a book wholesaler, my main customer service person would just trot out this phrase instead of detailing where the error was

    1. makes me feel like spring is an inconvenience, Michael Henry -I have hay fever myself and can’t wait til it’s springy enough to sneeze

      1. pay
        day
        —

        Ouch! Totally inadvertent. Good eye, Marshall. Can it be rescued ?? as:
        —
        you cannot pay
        for this first warm spell
        —
        OR
        —
        this first warm day
        is beyond price

        ***

        [and yes, one can see the newly fledged hummers being led to a feeder. Clueless, but in a few days they are indistinguishable and on their own — would be late spring depending on where you live]

    1. I imagine this is possible, Paul -I like your, “first leaves …” much more

    1. great flow to the lines, Paul -this one is possible to use -“ancho chilies” are ‘poblanos’, right? thanks

      1. yes, Marshall .. same plant. BUT poblano doesn’t begin with the letter A.

        1. which is why i’d prefer it, Paul -to respond to “arrayed alphabetically” by having sprouts shoot out in order is implying an overarching narrative that is precisely what i’m trying to fight against -renku are anti-narrative -not just associative by accident -but linking as they leap all over the place because there’s no ‘story’ or ‘theme’ to it -just a ‘show’ i.e., look at this, it’s the universe the way it is, not how humans would reconstruct it

  62. Thanks, Marshall. I’m honoured and grateful to have my verse chosen, and look forward to reading all future links and your helpful comments.

    1. you’re most welcome, Marilyn -and I look forward to further offerings from you as well

    1. hi Gabrielle -no flowers or blossoms here -they are reserved for the 17th and 35th verses as climaxes

    1. yeah, Mary, this is way too close for maintaining momentum in our renku while shifting

    1. reads too much like a cute animal -I like your first one so much better, Mary

    1. very nice, Mary -great to get something so ‘on’ so early, thanks -bearing in mind that we’ve already had “school colors” you may want another surprising verb in its place

      1. The “THE FIVE HUNDRED ESSENTIAL JAPANESE SEASON WORDS” has “sprouts” (kusa no me) as an early spring word. Not so?

        1. it may be essential in Japanese, joel, but i’m leading an English-language renku based in seasonality being substantiated by sense-experiences and not by universally understood ‘season-words’ (as they would be in Japanese, whether read by a poet or a non-poet) -among competent English speakers who are not poets, or even haiku-poets, ‘season-word’ has an air of mystification and jargon

  68. on the stepping stones…
    guga…gwanwyn…jaro…yaz…
    –
    –
    –
    * “spring” in Somali, Welsh, Czech, and Azerbaijani

    1. hey Michael Henry, is that because you put out beer to save your garden by drowning the slugs and after 2 nights you figured you’d just drink the beer? or were you cooking escargot? I toast you with a glass of merlot, cheers

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