The Renku Sessions : A Day of Snow 6
Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.
Hello, renku fans. I’ve chosen:
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
–Betty Shropshire
as our 6th verse.
I immediately liked “faded” as associated with moonlight, and that word with “school colors” made me think of a university homecoming weekend; very definitely an autumn activity.
But two other aspects of this offering i wanted to include in our renku are: 1) how “granny’s specs,” being something we use to provide sight are here presented as something to look at–which is the inverse of the moon that is something we primarily want to see, to look at, but that provides light to see by. 2) Up til now all the verses were written from the standpoint of observation, standard third-person presentation of nouns. Here for the first time, the subject could be carrying the observed; wearing it it fact, so in some sense, embodying the ensemble of nouns.
This makes for a delightful transition from the disciplined processional of the first six verses to the more playful expansiveness of the next twenty-four links. Thank you very much, Betty.
For verse 7 we need 3 lines in the mode of the phantastical, mythological or surreal.
Happy linking,
Marshall
A Day of Snow to Date
a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door–Marshall Hrycuik
coyote song closer
this longest night–Judt Shrode
incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd
–Maureen Virchau
bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters–Paul MacNeil
dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight–steve smolak
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match–Betty Shropshire
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ibis headed man
under a crescent moon…
Thoth waxes poetic
hillary and donald
do the hokey pokey
to light my fire
gold and silver rivers
burn; electra
still missing
all the frogs
she kissed and yet
still no Basho
chocolate gelato
licked from the lips
of Federico Fellini
* try saying that after a few wines renku lovers!
afterhours in the gelato rain -say-on -ce -was he wearing a bowler hat? thanks, Jennifer
tremors spread
as Thor casts
his hammer
Horus going pale
at the news
he’s half ghost
*
*
I just keep playing for the joy of it…feel a bit guilty for all the non-starters : /
yeah, and you’re after-hours deadline too -sometimes guilty pleasures are among the best -and best to you, Judt
on his back
the scarab beetle
dances the rhumba
whoa, Lisa, you’ve been hanging out with 9 year-old boys! What we used to do before we burned those critters -anyway, you didn’t even say you were spinning them, thanks
I didn’t do it. Honest. It was Maureen.
flying lessons
Icarus brings
a parachute
at least your Icarus intended to land! Thanks for the fun, Carol Ann
Daphne’s cry of despair
as her arms mutate
to foliage
nicely done, Marietta -just that I don’t want a classical reference here
a harpy at the birdbath
cracking the ice
to drink
connotes a certain crudeness, Marietta but doesn’t really terrify me -maybe i need a direct hit
a Basilisk dances
with impunity around
the Cockatrice
better than the Kraken struggle or the limping Dali, Paul; a dancing Basilisk -looking forward to your next offerings, thanks
looking in the mirror
I hold a mirror
up to the Basilisk
Okay, okay, grasping at straws.
painting after painting
Dali’s limpness
persists
was Dali’s
wrist watch
really that limp
how limp
was Dali’s
wrist watch
Poseidon wrestles
with Kraken’s
ten arms
Zaphod Beeblebrox
engaged in a drinking binge
with Thor
ah, yes, Polona, the guy with two heads from “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” -this would be a wonderful set-destroying scene for a movie -maybe trash a solar-system or two -but the only sensual appeal here is from the sound of Thor’s drinking partner’s name
the horseman
loses his head
then his scarf
you know, Marion, if this were being done live and this was offered in the first 2 or 3 minutes, i’d probably take it just for the levity of it that speeds us along -but i have the luxury of 5 days previous of offerings -will consider this again though, thanks
Peter Pan
exclaims he’s sick and tired
of being young
“sick and tired” rather hackneyed, don’t yah think?
I hoped it would surprise when combined with ‘of being young’, Marshall – obviously didn’t work 🙁 🙁 🙁
marion
she shoves
her skeletons back
into the cupboard
firm emotion, but no sensual appeal here, Marion
Red Riding Hood
wasn’t really made
of sugar and spice
true, but a judgment, Marion
a zombie
complains about getting
bad press
Or perhaps just …
a zombie
complains about
bad press
maybe zombies can talk, Marion, but about the one thing likeable about them i’ve never known them to complain – but no, not enough imagery for inclusion with these
“maybe zombies can talk, Marion, but about the one thing likeable about them i’ve never known them to complain”
hahahahahahahahaha!
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
.
Magritte throws
his bowler hat
into the crowd
and declares, “ceci n’est pas un chapeau’ -this is not a hat -cheerfully flippant but doesn’t fit for me -“crowd” was used not too long ago too
or maybe just
Mermaid and Witch
play chess
under the trees
both versions are very static and don’t really advance our renku, Aalix
a mermaid and a with
play chess
under the trees
Walter Mitty
up a tree
explores his options
hi again, Aalix -yes, he does that a lot, but i’m looking for some dramatic imagery here
bootscooting
with fifty apsaras
and an elephant
hi Marietta – ‘boot scooting’ is a kind of dance, right? -ap is Sanskrit for ‘water’ so this is some kinda hoedown with scores of water sprites and an elephant at the squaredance -stunning multicultural mix but only the elephant is palpable enough to be included here
illegal spells
interrupt the game
of quidditch
but do they have video replay, with 4 officials watching, that delay our major sports event 20 minutes so they can fit 12 more commercials in? This connects with many of us on a life-lived level, Polona, but this is too cerebral for here and wants for sensual imagery
Superman’s elbows
trash the phone booth
as Kent changes
too close a parallel, paul, to the previous verse of a woman dressing
a barking Cerberus
rising
from my coffee grounds
~~~
or
~~~
bigger than my shadow
the Cerberus rising
from my coffee grounds
prefer the first one, Cristina -though the dog-like Cerberus resembles too much the coyote of verse 2
twig melee
to protect the princess
from a dragon
hi again Agnes, must be missing something here -unless this is a paper-bag dragon
just kids playing fantasy make-believe
playing hide-and-seek
with my ghosts
in the cemetery
“my ghosts” is pretty intriguing, joel -what about everybody else’s ghosts? Or ghosts that have no living relatives? Or have you already determined that these ghosts are figments of your imagination? Hide-and-seek in a cemetery sounds appropriately ghoulish to the phantastical -maybe i just need more information
Marshall – I was thinking “my ghosts” belong to the reader. Don’t we all have “ghosts” or memories (good and bad) that tend to haunt us from time-to-time that we entertain or play hide-and-seek with? Aren’t they usually “dead” issues thus the cemetery? The words “faded jeans, school colors and granny’s specs” from the previous verse made me think of such memories that we can’t or don’t let go of. For me “faded jeans” are my young adulthood days and all those ghosts, school colors are high school and college and those ghosts, and granny’s specs are childhood days spent at grandma’s and there are many ghosts from that time! I’ve probably over thought it all. 🙂
okay, joel, so like ‘skeletons in the closet’ ghosts -got it, thanks
amid fat bookworms
a siren loses her scales
at the gym
“fat bookworms” a little too judgmental, Cristina
my reflection
in the blood-stained sword
of a gladiator
nice twist from the previous verse, Maureen -worthy of another look, thanks
clearly the sound
outside the tent must be a
dragon fighting a cougar
“sound” seems pretty muted for the growling and brimstone that must’ve been going on, Agnes -and why would you end a line with “a”?
Yes, I meant to go back and get rid of sound. Commotion is much better. Dangling “a” was a clumsy mistake trying to make L2 longer. Just went camping this weekend… here are a couple of retries & a third entry:
**
such commotion
outside the tent must be
dragon vs. cougar
**
such commotion
outside the tent must be
a dragon fighting a cougar
**
under the oak
a grubby little knight
jabs his stick
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
– Betty Shropshire
÷÷÷
déjà vu
in a 3-D matrix
without a quarter
déjà vu
inside the matrix
more holograms
hi Betty -when i use a ‘foreign word’ i want it to be less familiar than “deja…
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
– Betty Shropshire
÷÷÷
dost thou question
Ununoctium’s
nobility?
nope, don’t know who “Unun…” is -doesn’t really matter since you can’t link with yourself -though i encourage you to keep it flowing in your mind to contribute
Hi, Marshall. Why you’very not heard of the latest heavy element UUO??…118…which is what ununoctium stands for until they come up a permanent name. Its designation as a noble gas was in queston until recently. Yeah, just for grins being here now.
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
–Betty Shropshire
—
Superman
at super speed
undresses
—-
– Lorin
more requited love, Lorin -not here, not here
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
–Betty Shropshire
—
which replicant
will pass all the tests
for empathy?
—
– Lorin
yeah great scene for “Bladerunners” my favourite is early in the film when the replicant can’t come up with any memories for his job interview, so just pulls out a revolver and shoots his interlocutor -got my empathy right there -too abstract for my purposes here though
ah, Marshall, much as I liked the film, the original story (‘Do Robots Dream of Electric Sheep?’) is much better in its penetration of what it might be to be truly human. A brilliant, if sometimes a tad strange, writer Philip K. Dick was, )
(I do enjoy your comments! on all the submissions They’re what’s keeping me coming back 🙂 )
– Lorin
thanks, Lorin -thinking about and writing poetry are what i most like about life -I once had a business partner who said, “Even Charles Baudelaire couldn’t work 8 hours a day at poetry” to which i replied, “that’s right, he even wrote that statement down” then, waiting until he was nodding with reinforced self-satisfaction, added, “but i could”
howling the blues
with a pack
of werewolves
naw, Jennifer -even werewolves too close to coyotes howling of verse 2
the groom’s
tarantism
kicking in
naw, Judt, this is what I call ‘requited love’ though i won’t be going there this renku -‘dancing mania’ = ‘tarantism, originated in southern Italy (associated with being bitten by a tarantula) -i read it as “tantrism” first -but that’s another Pandora’s box
here comes Godot
blowing soap bubbles
because why not
I realize “because why not” is commentary, but stuck it there anyway because it came to mind (why not) and seemed kinda existential-y.
hey Judt -you replied to yourself before i got here -not deep enough into the anguish to wait for Godot here but great shift -“because” would be unacceptable anywhere else in this renku -so good try
atop the water tower
teen naga spit
on passersby below
ah, Liz Ann, maybe this is why nobody goes for walks by the water-tower -‘nagas’ are semi-divine creatures in the Hindu cycle of religions -also ‘snake’ in Sanskrit
Laocoon’s agony
yet the Trojan Horse
remains
yeah, it did (I would write: “remained”) -but see my comments about struggle on your previous offering, which, by the way, i prefer
Krishna’s flute
dripping notes
in shades of blue
hello Suraja -very pleasing image -though the use of “song” in verse 2 precludes any “dripping notes” this soon after and “shades of blue” too closely replicates the “faded jeans” of the previous verse
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
a loose parrot
circles over us
reciting Howl
I wish there was a Like button for some of these. Love this!
yes, this is really good, Lisa -makes me wish we had 2 or 3 renku going at once, or a variant strand, thanks
upon more thought, Lisa, i can’t use this link so close to the ‘coyote’s song’ of verse 2
trying to expose
the trojan horse is
Laocoon’s agony
it occurs to me, p j, that you might be referencing the grey graphic of contorted struggle that’s the icon for the “Renku Sessions 4” header, both here and in the ‘combat’ of Poseidon and the Kraken and i don’t want to further tie in ‘struggle’ with this renku -great use of the word, “agony” though, thanks
Poseidon wrestles
a Kraken in
mortal combat
can’t really imagine either Poseidon or the Kraken risking any kind of mortality -want drama here, p j, but not necessarily a stand-off
the pythoness
paints her body
as Sirius rises
hi again, Claire -too close a connection to the dressing of the person in verse 6
butterfly
zooms in shimmery flight
twin jet nebula
wow, Colleen -instead of a “bullet with butterfly wings” (Smashing Pumpkins) you’ve written of exploding jet wings to a butterfly -and with a half-stop after the first line and then a full one -can’t use it here -appreciate the intensity though, thanks
escorted by seahorses
into the waves
to Rimbaud
somewhat benign, Jennifer, an entourage for the savagely symboliste poete -but, thanks for the memory -i used to refer to him as ‘author rhymeboat’ -then the “Rambo” series took over the cinemas and his name wasn’t fun anymore
jostling to enter
the blue box that’s bigger
on the inside
sounds like the ‘Tardis’ of “Doctor Who” -not as delightful as your others, though
sliding down
Salvador Dali’s
moustache
Ha ha…I love this one:)
surrealism at one remove, Jennifer -nice touch – though “down” is too near to the “descent” of verse 5
a bearded Valkyrie
riding her skateboard
waves hello
this is merry, Marietta -just when I’m convinced we need some high drama, i receive something delightful as this, thanks
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
–Betty Shropshire
—
for his mermaids
the professor’s discourse
in pig latin
—
– Lorin
sorry, Lorin -just averse to the phrase, “pig latin” -and i guess i could add that it’s animal word too close to “coyote” that was used in the wakiku
chased by sun dogs
chasing our long shadows
to the stars
very cheerful and open, Albert -repetition of the chasing verb problematic however
evil clowns
gain control
of the tilt-o-whirl
naw, they’ve only gained control of the global economy, Michael Henry -good that this is in the present though -will consider agin later, thanks
after we grok
i feel like a stranger
in a strange land
*
me and Atlas
shooting dice
on Beale and Main
Heinlein would be proud.
A
pleasing nonchalance, steve -looking for something more ‘mounted’ here, however
Pheidippides nude
and Ryan Hall not
in a Marathon showdown
Pheidippides nude
and Ryan Hall not
in a Marathon runoff
nice play, Judt! -gotta keep track of those runaway, not runway, nudes
the unicorn gang
playing touch football
with a tribe of grass trees
this is fun, Marilyn -like the link of “football” to “school colors” though it does sound too much like a video game in the making -but thanks
unable to look away
a Basilisk and Cockatrice
locked in a staring contest
like the earlier one better, Mary -much more ‘unlocked’
the Valkyries wait
for the cue
the game has begun
nice link of “the game” to “school colors” of the previous verse, Mary -will have a look at this one again, later – thanks
flesh and bone
search for more
than flesh
very enigmatic, p j, -might be more likely to look for something like this later in the ‘development section’ but not right at its beginning
seven sisters watch
the bright brother rise
again
nice allusion to the Pleiades, Diane -little too quiet for what i’m looking for though
seven sisters dance
in the path of Sirius
as he hunts
Poseidon wrestles
a Kraken with its
ten thrashing arms
certainly more active, p j, but this verse still needs some tangible link to verse 6
at the séance
her x with
another woman
at the séance
her x
with another woman
probably scary enough, Michael Henry -but more for the ‘unrequited love’ section than the phantastical-mythological one
under the floorboards
Poe dances his heart out
with a filmy “vulture-eye”
i love poe- and i love this.
Yes, Marilyn, this is a good poem -just seems a bit long here -and i’m not sure i want a poetic allusion here -but thanks, i’ll keep this under consideration
medusa reflects
upon her life’s work
stony stares
A
hello Albert -pleasantly fanciful -but i want a direct action here
Harlequin dances
on the sidewalk
to unheard tunes
nice allusion, Aalix, to Keats’ “but unheard melodies are sweeter” but feels too silent for here, when we’ve just left the solemn procession of the first 6
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
–Betty Shropshire
.
.
another attempt
at hiring a writer
for Frankenstein’s memoirs
hi Polona -perhaps this ‘interprets’ my instructions for this verse -but not enough direct action to be included
Poseidon admonishes
the Kraken for being
lazy
hi again, p j -“admonishes” just not active enough for me right now -though sea-monsters from Norway’s coast would have been fun to include
a game of chess
with Ben Franklin
at the café
not bad, Maureen, just that i’m wanting action, drama etc. to mive us along right now
a night drinking absinthe
dancing with skeletons
until after dawn
hi Jennifer -bit too much of a break after the first line -though when you did this you probably didn’t feel it at all -thanks
adding to my collection
a chipped tooth
from Edgar Poe
I appreciate, Jennifer, you writing this in the first person -but i’m looking for something with action or drama to move us along
meeting the Buddha
tap dancing on the road
I offer my top hat
very congenial of you, Judt -not this link, though
a mani-pedi
for Helen of Troy
at the spa
still pretty staid in the action department, Maureen -third line probably unnecessary
a gathering
of ghost writers
in the hotel lounge
nice play on words, Michael Henry -not going for ‘sly humour’ just yet
peering at his hook
and those crocodile shoes
under the bed
fine enough as is, Marietta -just that i want something with some action or drama
Christ
takes a brush to his loafers-
Persephone huffs
or
Christ
tips the shine boy-
Persephone huffs
hi Brian -yeah, the first one has a slant rhyme that’s too heavy -of the second, i’d say “Christ” in a line by itself and the term, “shine boy” could be seen as offensive by some and we want to include everybody as much as we can
Marshall,
First, thank you for all you do. Apparently
I’ve missed the mark once again. I wanted to show Christ shaking the dust off his feet from a conquered hell and also by inference looking for the next work. Persephone, the false god, is miffed, and out of work. The connotations that arise from the words “shine boy” are in a way the point. Hell is conquered, the world still corrupt. I try too hard perhaps.
If I offended I offer my sincere apologies. Please forgive me. With that said, I humbly submit this:
Gregor Samsa
takes a boot to the rostrum…
click of the lock
I do not believe Persephone is in any way more of a false god than Christ
About my verse?
Abbott and Costello
on the ins and outs
of a Möbius strip
happy and funny associations, Judt, thanks
Poseidon opens
the Gibraltar straits
to make the new sea
hello p j -you make me realize i’m looking for something more subjective here
Hmm. OK. I’ll give it another go.
a paparazzo
poised for Hercules
outside the gym
delightful enough, Maureen, but i’m looking for a little more drama here
facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones
hi Barbara of these two scary creatures; yowi and bunyip, from down-under, i prefer this offering and had to look up “point the bones” as Australian for ‘laying a curse upon’ -so though I like this one, I would like it a whole lot more as, “facing me/ a hairy bunyip/ points the bones” -thanks
Joseph’s blood-stained cloak
requires
no analysis
in her place
a yowi languishes
on the rocker
on an English hulk
the aliphatic destiny
of a cockroach
-Patrick
hi Patrick -much prefer your earlier one -though thanks for trying out the arcane word, “aliphatic” which has to do with the carbons in fats
a whip-round of hands
collecting copper coins
to pay the Ferryman
hello, Marietta -many words here without much imagery -probably means you’re trying to accomplish too much in a haiku-like poetry frame -the 3 ‘c’s in the middle line a little ‘heavy’ as well
13 o’clock,
the youngest witch
palms a love potion
sinister and naughty, Claire -i’m just uneasy about the sound of “witch” two lines down from “match” of the previous verse
could easily be a young wizard instead
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
–Betty Shropshire
—
at the fun house
all my clones pregnant
with clowns
—
– Lorin
I like it, Lorin -has a light touch and immediate word-play -i’ll look at this one again, later -thanks
the basilisk warms
by the fireplace as
stone figures stand by
hi p j -this has a subtly ominous tone -I like it better with the ‘as’ moved to the third line: “as stone figures stand by” and I think this still avoids any stoppage to the flow -will look at again later, thanks
these dark-eyed creatures
stuck in past and present –
dried dragonflies
hi Rob -can’t have any more kireji in our renku, Rob -the big stop after the ‘-‘
on the boneless chicken farm
seedless watermelons
and the Headless Horseman
‘less is s’mores’, Judt – thanks for the genetic modifications
speculating
on Dali’s mustache
unwaxed and combed
nice twist, Judt -but looking for something more dramatic
a Goblin enchants
a Bible and a Torah
throughout the Christmas season
hi Aaalix -too much going on with this one in terms of proper names and religious holidays for me to use here
goddess Nike
as she poses for selfies
at a football game
Another version which eliminates the rhyming:
*
goddess Nike
as she poses for photos
at a football game
hi Maureen -this still has a bit of a stop after “Nike” – might be better as “goddess Nike/ posing for photos/ at a football game” -but even this leaves me uneasy about the goddess being in ‘granny’s specs’
helium moon
my sleeping tent touches
a firefly
no, we can’t have the word, “moon” so close to verse 5, Todd -though it is a well-rendered fantasy
briefly
these two planets share
the same ocean
just too obscure for me to fathom, Todd
Congrats, Betty! Love the look. A great choice, Marshall.
*
a chipped tooth
as the Cyclops smiles
for his portrait
Thanks, Maureen…I am honored to be included!
bit of a stop after “a chipped tooth” -still want to avoid breaks in or brakes on the flow of our renku
gone ’round the stone circle
the green dragon child
bears the megalith
-Patrick
hi Patrick -that’s more like it! I’ll keep this one for further consideration, thanks
tapping our toes
around
the Ouija board
need either a tighter link to verse 6, Michael Henry or a little more action
with her tarot cards
a photo
of John Lennon’s head
—
– Lorin
yeah,Lorin, better than below, but still too eeire for me right here, especially with news of Prince’s death
a poke to my side
tickles me right out
of platform 9¾
.
— Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy
hi Shrikaanth -this is wonderfully expressive but still rooted in our assumed reality -something phantastical is needed here -but, thanks for the fun
. . . probably anything with the word ‘down’ (as in my ‘wrote down’, even) returns to ‘descent’, so trying again:
—
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
–Betty Shropshire
—
among the trophies
a photo
of John Lennon’s head
—
– Lorin
hi Lorin -I like the later “John Lennon’ one better -just a personal aversion to having his head considered a “trophy”
an alley
of muddy windows
below the bright sky
seems fairly grounded in everyday reality to me, Lisa -we’re looking for the phantastical here for verse 7
white goddess
in the garden face-up
but still smiling
this one, Marietta, feels more like it’s still about the moon than a shift into another range of phantasies -we can’t refer back to previous links but just step or ‘leap off’ of the very last one
granny tells us
the card player
had a cloven hoof
hi again, Marion -can’t repeat, “granny”
Can’t believe I did that, Marsahll. I guess it’s because I was writing from life – my grandmother was full of stories! 🙂
at midnight
the mask
slips
hi Marion -yes, minimalist is allowed now -but “midnight” too soon a use after “moonlight” in verse 5
First thought. The mythological, and the surreal too, but not the fantastical: the real.
—
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match
–Betty Shropshire
—
all we were saying
while the FBI wrote down
his song lyrics
—
– Lorin
. . . but perhaps we can’t repeat the word ‘song’, as it takes us back to those singing coyotes?
all we were saying
while the FBI wrote down
his lyrics
—
– Lorin
… same verse, a variant version:
—
all we were saying
while the FBI wrote down
John Lennon’s lyrics
—
– Lorin
hi Lorin -appreciate you trying to bring in a person’s name right away in the ‘development stage’ but yeah, any reference to music is just too close, too soon after the wakiku
a basilisk warms
by the fireplace but
no one glances
in case the first one has a kireji.
🙂 … a kire, p j. .. a cut.
. . . the ‘ji’ part of ‘kireji’ denotes the ‘cutting word’ in Japanese haiku, which is expressed verbally. The EL substitute for ‘kireji’/ ‘cut marker’ have been dashes, colons and ellipses, but a cut/ kire can be done without a kireji, and Basho praised this.
—
– Lorin
Oh. OK. So noted.
I notice Marshall uses the word kireji. Just sayin’.
🙂 . . . horses for courses, then.
– Lorin
yes, p j, this is more acceptable, but i find it a bit too quiet for the first verse out of the processional -and I would place “but” in the third line -but then again if it were a haiku by itself it would be better with the subtle kireji as you wrote if at first
basilisk warms
by the fireplace
no one glances
Great verse Betty!
.
the gods play badminton
with old wigs from
the cemetery
Thank you, Joel!
hi joel -“wigs” a little too roughly close to “granny’s” in the previous link -sounds like fun, though
from the torn pages
chimera extend
shimmering breath
hello again, Claire -like the break from the solemnity in having “chimera” so close to “shimmering” here -concerned, though that the extension to the breath is too close to the” dust from travelers”
among the manga
a one-eyed ghost
haunts the bookshop
hi Carmen -yes, this is the kind of link i’m looking for -I will look at this one again -there’s going to be many good ones to choose from, i think
Fun verse, Betty…so redolent of “home”. A good kickoff into the new uncharted territory!
Judt
Thanks, Judt!
Thank you, Marshall…I’m delighted to be included in the renku!
Hi Marshall…Are proper nouns OK here? Any exclusions besides backlinking? Thanks.
Judt
hi Judt -glad you asked -actually, renku aren’t just about restrictions. We need to include: 1.a proper name and 2.a proper noun other than a person’s name, 3. a numeral, 4. a foreign word (with explanation added below, 5. an arcane or almost obsolete English word, 6. a feast or holiday or ceremony that is foreign to English-speaking countries and 7. a holiday-ceremony that is common to primarily English speaking countries. We want to be as inclusive and imaginative as possible while still making sense and poetry throughout the rest of the renku. But once we have one of these 7, it will have to be a terrific verse otherwise to have these items repeated
Thanks, Marshall…it’s great to have these guidelines. Rather daunting, though!
after the music
he carries her ashes
Grecian urn
hello Skaidrite -we can be much more playful now but still no repetition; as here of ‘song’ in the second verse in your “music”
urn
carries last rites
smoke and smell
Just an edit or alternate proposition —
urn
carries last rites
essence of life
rajkumar
25-04-2016