Renku Sessions

The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 4

renkuchainGreetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.

Hello again, renku fans! I’ve chosen:

bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters

      –Paul MacNeil

as our 4th verse.

Just breathes satisfaction and a hint of joy into our renku while silently linking on the “scent” level. Fortunate enough to have a second harvest, the people here now have a barn full enough to feed both humans and animals.

I’m also very happy with the assonance of the open “a”s here in “bales,” “stacked” and “rafters”– and pleasantly spaced too.

The fullness here also nicely sets up our moon verse for number 5–and that probably means I won’t be looking for a full moon, but by all means send whatever you immediately associate with verse 4.

So what we want now is 3 lines, moon involvement, always autumnal in renku with, of course, no repetition of the nouns or activities of the previous verses. Oh, and remember the cut-off time is next Tuesday, midnight.

Happy linking,
Marshall

 

A Day of Snow to Date

a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door

    –Marshall Hrycuik

coyote song closer
this longest night

    –Judt Shrode

incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd

      –Maureen Virchau

bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters

    –Paul MacNeil

This Post Has 274 Comments

  1. Hi Marshall,

    A query if you have time. You said in reply to pj: “maybe here’s the place to say: though the moon always indicates autumn, it’s not enough to link with an autumn verse just to have a moon involvement in it – it needs to link and it needs an autumn seasonality as well”.

    I’m wondering about the use of double kigo – the full moon denotes autumn so if one adds ‘coloured leaves’ or ‘mist’ for example, the result is a verse with a double kigo … isn’t it? Maybe the ‘rules’ for renku are different, but I’d be interested to hear more.

    Many thanks,
    Sandra

    1. “sneeze”, especially one that shuts out the moon, too violent an activity for the first 6 , Marietta

    2. “sneeze” too violent a word for the first 6 links, Marietta -like the slant rhyme of the first two lines though

    1. hello again p j -don’t know how “warm feelings” would work here except as a diametric contrast to the feeling you’d probably have if you were outside -which makes it feel like a winter verse, even though the moon’s in it -maybe here’s the place to say: though the moon always indicates autumn, it’s not enough to link with an autumn verse just to have a moon involvement in it -it needs to link and it needs an autumn seasonality as well

      1. Ah. The snow I could imagine already freezing on the ground. It seemed to me the start of this renku was too cold for autumn to begin with. Hmmm.

    1. amid lingering leaves
      spring nest full
      of the moon

      Just a junkie, can’t help myself 🙂

      1. fine, Judt, but if you want more of your links in our renku, don’t write out the season word -as in “spring” here

    1. welcome thoughts, Jackson -but don’t actually say the season word by name; “summer” -and by the way we’re in autumn here -maybe you were just trying to make the case that the ‘moon’ isn’t always an autumn signifier -well, in renku as i see it, it is

    1. like the play on the ambiguity of “lights up” here, Aalix. It could mean ‘starts a bonfire’ as well as ‘makes more visible’ -especially with chimney in the last line – I just don’t like the way, “lights up” sounds, both within this link and in linking with “bales . . .”

  9. bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    – Paul MacNeil
    ***
    horned moon
    in the wake
    of a ferry
    -Betty Shropshire

    1. hello again, Betty -I understand the link or “horned” would be to the pitchforks used in the haying but overall, this eems to be a parallel verse rather than one that links and brings us forward

    1. hi again, Vasile -don’t want a “full” moon because the rafters are stacked -has a liturgical ring to it too

    1. hello again, Vasile -three groups of nouns with modifier is too much -but also, i’m at a loss to see how this links to our bales of hay

    1. ah yes, your re-working of the ‘ribbon’, Marietta -“box” seems too close to ‘bales’ -and if you really want to relieve the urge to kireji you could make it, “a box of letters/ tied with ribbo/ by moonlight”

    1. very specific visual, Marietta -just feel i don’t want something that jewelled here

    1. yer really hardcore about line-ending, joel -why not, “the rustic/ still produces moonshine/ in the cellar” nice link of ‘cellar’ to the implied barn of ‘bales’ but too ‘underground’ for our renku here

      1. I’ve never been called hardcore before – I like it! 🙂 How about
        .
        the rustic
        still produces moonshine
        under stealth of darkness
        .
        the rustic
        still produces moonshine
        under the cloak of darkness

      2. Isn’t he referring to the still being rustic, not ‘a’ rustic still working? The line ending changes the meaning. Confused much …

        1. Thanks Sandra – you are correct in that I’m referring to a “rustic still” – a still being what moonshine is made with! But now I understand why Marshall said what he did – he read something different into the word so I’m less confused…

  18. the bright moon
    turns their grey hair
    to silver

    In the Rumpelstiltskin fairy tale the miller says “I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold.” That’s where my thoughts went in this one.

    1. hi again Claire -fairy tale creatures can appear in the ‘phantasy-mythology’ section -or at least after the first 6

    1. hi Claire -nice enough as it is, just that if there’s a link to the ‘bales’ it must be very tenuous

      1. I thought a pitch fork used to bale hay perhaps? Is that the wrong kind of connection?

    1. hello Agnes -link by eating is fine, but i don’t like the rhyme chiming in here

    1. hi again, Betty -yes, i’ve seen this in Toronto often and marvelled -however, “lofts” is too close to “rafters” and i would avoid using “grazes” after a link with farm animal food in it

    1. hello Lisa -flows well enough, but I don’t feel any tangible link here to the previous verse

  23. bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters

    –Paul MacNeil

    viewing the harvest
    in staggered moonlight
    balance

    1. hello Diane -saying “the harvest” is too close to the “stacked to the reafters’ and also, verbally, “staggered” is too close to “stacked”

  24. incense lit
    the scent of sage
    lingers in a crowd
    – Maureen Virchau
    ***
    bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    – Paul MacNeil
    ***
    stone outcrops
    bathed in moonlight
    his other dream
    – Betty Shropshire

    1. ah, and i was just 2 or 3 offerings from a clean getaway -thanks Michael Henry, this is so ‘a propos’ that i’ll have to rethink my choices

      1. hi again, Michael Henry -I remember making a mental note that this link couldn’t be a ‘day moon’ and it took me til after i shut down to remember-there’s a “day of snow” just 4 links ago -still like it though -thanks, again

    1. hello Lorin -decided “bathes” is too metaphorical for these first 6 -thanks again for the ‘rabbit in the moon’ info

    1. hello Mary -“serenades” a bit ‘over-the-top’ for a mockingbird, but even if it weren’t we had “coyote song” in the wakiku

    1. very nice, steve -the settling dust doubles up the descending moonlight, which is itself a relay -and the travellers would probably be ascending but could be travelling horizontally and i like that vagueness (if use it i’ll keep your spelling:’traveling’) -and hay is notoriously shedding and ‘dusty’

    1. hello again, Paul -certainly frost happens around here in autumn -but I don’t want to have it here, so close to snow

    1. A revision to that one:

      bright moonlight
      reveals a bundle of letters
      tied with ribbon

      1. like the link, Marietta, of “bales” to “ribbon” -though i think your “bright” unnecessary, and “reveals a bundle” a little clunky if you want to keep “tied” (and you do) -the particle in the last line would feel more natural as well -something like: ” by moonlight/ a stash of letters /tied with a ribbon”

  32. incense lit
    the scent of sage
    lingers in a crowd
    *

    bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    *

    getting out of the car
    to watch it rise
    this big orange moon

    – Sandra Simpson

    1. hi again, Sandra -the kireji here of the last line is augmented by the separation of the human from the natural -we want them to flow together, and the lines flow too

    1. hi Mary -“ink” is, i guess an appropriately metaphorical description of geese eclipsing the moon -but we’d like to leave metaphors out of these first verses

    1. nice curling, Maureen -glad you’re playing along even though yours can’t be accepted until after the first 6

      1. Thank you, Marshall. Happy to join in on the fun. Thanks for all your thoughtful commentary throughout the process.

    1. hello Claire -good play on the word, ‘whitewash’ -maybe just inside the line for the first 6 -the problem is “the stubble fields” could be a result of the “second haying” of the previous link -a looking back that i don’t want to encourage (leads to a narrative feel)

  36. bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    –Paul MacNeil

    checkerboard
    moonlit squares move across
    the kitchen floor

    1. hi again, Carol Ann -“checkerboard” is a full-stop kireji -can’t have a third one for a long time (if ever) in this renku

  37. bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    –Paul MacNeil

    in the barn door
    a spider’s web catches
    moonlight

    1. hello Carol Ann -nice, tight link, but i decided we wanted to move out of the barn for this one -might be better with ‘catches moonlight’ as the third line

  38. Are we still doing no animals? In that case:

    bathed in moonlight
    fallen leaves
    cover the roof

    1. -one giant landing for the moon, Maria? though maybe you meant the optical illusion of the full moon resting on a scarecrow at early dusk -either way, not in the first 6

    1. bathed, too metaphorical here, Aalix -and have decided to leave out more animals for the next 10 or 12 verses

  42. oops, forgot the moon in the last one!

    leaves drift down
    through moonlight
    to the cooling earth

    1. hi Aalix -yeah, no moon in the one before -this one, i have problems with “cooling earth” as it seems an arbitrary description that fits our needs rather than an experienced observation -these are on a continuum of course, but this one goes over my line

  44. Thank you, Marshall, moonlight shines/ on the darkness/ of flickering leaves” does fix the nighttime unseen colour problem

    1. hi again, Maria -I appreciate the sickle associated with the moon as a way of making this not just a ‘moon verse’ but a moon verse that links but ‘sickle’ just seems too predictable to me

    1. hello again Michael Henry -a trick of the eye (and language) not permitted in the first 6

    1. Thanks, Marion, this links with the barn and opens out with moonlight leading the way to the next verse -also gives us some of the rustic dank i associate with farming life -will look again at this one

    2. further, though, Marilyn, I’ve already stated that mist is precipitation, so though I like it, I can’t fit it in here -thanks

    1. hi Marietta -let’s just say ‘no’ to cause and effect haikai writing in this renku, even when it flows this well

    1. hi Polona -this is a nice image that I thinks flows better as “each stroke/ of our paddle/ dips into moonlight” to which i would reply that i’m not a fan of ‘reflection’ haikai or haiku, especially when it involves the moon because it has been done so often already but also that we’ve go to link with the previous verse -need to hook up with something in the “bales …” verse

    1. hello again, Marilyn -not so much ‘too close’ to the hay bales as not enough added by the paddock to the barn

    1. hi Aalix -just a bit grim for this part of our renku – i like your earlier one much better

    1. hi Aalix -I like this; one of our few offerings with leaves -that i think links nicely with the wisps of hay from the bales -not sure we can see colours strictly by moonlight -may I suggest: moonlight shines/ on the darkness/ of flickering leaves” at any rate, i need to think this one over, thanks

  55. incense lit
    the scent of sage
    lingers in a crowd
    *
    bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    *
    making a jigsaw
    of the moon
    our half-bare oak
    *
    – Sandra Simpson

    1. hiya, Sandra -we’ve been having ‘kireji problems’ with this link -that could easily be solved by making this: “our half-bare oak/ making a jigsaw/ of the moon” -other problems are: i think puzzle has to go in somehow; “jigsaw” makes me think first of all of the saw and secondly, “half-bare” is a bit too close to “half-bare-naked”

  56. incense lit
    the scent of sage
    lingers in a crowd
    *
    bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    *
    making a jigsaw
    of tonight’s moon
    the half-bare oak
    *
    – Sandra Simpson

  57. incense lit
    the scent of sage
    lingers in a crowd
    *
    bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    *
    reading together
    we join the construction
    of a ladder to the moon
    *
    – Sandra Simpson

    1. incense lit
      the scent of sage
      lingers in a crowd
      *
      bales of the second haying
      stacked to the rafters
      *
      reading together
      we help build a ladder
      to the moon
      *
      – Sandra Simpson

      1. hello again, Sandra -the positive abstract is still too abstract for a renku -i’m looking for how the moon’s presence influences us here and now in a defined yet open way

    1. hi Judt -“shaft” is pleasantly suggestive -glad you’re still participating even though you can’t have another verse in until # 7

      1. Thanks, Marshall, for taking time for me. Oops, was hoping that didn’t stand out. I was just trying to draw attention to something tactile…(meaning “pillow,” of course!!).

    2. hi Lorin -there must be some reference in this offering that i’m missing altogether

      1. yes, I guess so. Don’t you have the rabbit in the moon in Canada?
        We have it, in Australia, but then we had rabbits everywhere, since the English brought them here (foxes, too)
        —

        Japan has the rabbit in the moon, and it’s seen to be pounding rice:
        —

        The festival of ‘O-tsukimi’ is the moon viewing festival based on the Japanese Folk Tale of The rabbit in the Moon’. From this Folk Tale the Japanese people have believed since long ago, that rabbits lived on the moon. Even today in Japan, the moon is pictured with the scene of a rabbit or rabbits making mochi (pounded rice cakes).
        —
        “During this time the moon has a special name ‘Chuushuu-no-meigetsu’ which in English means ‘the picturesque moon of mid-autumn’. This moon occurs during July, August and September in Japan on the lunar calendar. During the months of September and October, the weather in Japan is clear with few clouds and the moon is all the more beautiful, perfect for ‘Otsukimi’.”
        http://www.latrobe.edu.au/childlit/StWebPages/ElishaBrooks/festivals.htm

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_rabbit

        – Lorin

        1. ps, no telescope needed! The rabbit’s ears are sticking upwards and the rabbit is standing, bending over a bit. My grandmother first showed it to me when I was very young, long, long before I knew about the Japanese associations.
          —
          – Lorin

        2. thanks a lot, Lorin -my wife knew this, i sure didn’t -but as a link, more appropriate in the ‘mythology’ section

    2. hi again, Cristina -no need to apologise -I only wish I could write a second language as well as you write in English -your “rood-tree” offering we can’t use because we are avoiding all religious references in the first 6 links

  61. What a great verse from Paul!

    skyward bound
    a bunch of balloons
    make their way to the moon

    1. nice celebration, Jennifer -the rhyme, of course puts these balloons on the other side from our renku

    1. hi again, Michael Henry -this one is complexly problematic: either the main action is ‘moon shadows falling’ and’ falling’ would be extraneous because that’s all shadows can do (or slant down) or “falling” refers to the giant maples leaves that would mean “leaves” has 3 modifiers -but I do appreciate the complexity meeting in the last line

    1. hi Marilyn -“washes a swathe” just too much here -also, “russet” not really needed since we know it’s autumn by the moon’s presence; especially a “sickle moon”

    1. hi Patrick -hardly ever get an ‘Addams Family’ offering for a renku -but never before for a moon verse

    1. hi again, Marietta -feels more natural with “shining” moved to the third line -though I wouldn’t use it because it seems to be invoking some religious observance of the sky -which is okay later

    1. hi again, Patrick -not really looking for a geography of the moon as the moon so much as the effect of the moon on earth life -also, “Nazca” too esoteric a word for the first 6

  67. bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    –Paul MacNeil
    —
    the day labourers
    in twos and threes
    take the moonlit road
    —
    in twos and threes
    along the moonlit road
    the day labourers
    —
    lorin

    1. hi again, lorin -the “day” here jangles with our “day of snow” hokku

    1. hi again, Jennifer -nice, fresh offering -this time the play is in the ‘l’s -thanks

    1. again, p j, very nice -brings a music back into our poem with a play on “coal train” -thanks

    1. hello Patrick -some really tough judments going on here -and the moon a “pockmarked mother” seems a bit harsh

    1. hello again, Jennifer -nice glistening (without stating it) and i enjoy the play of the ‘n’ sounds throughout -back to back lines with ‘the’ always thud with me -but i think we could take the first one out without harming this offering -and actually avoid the ‘kireji effect’ by having the first line last -will look at it again, thanks

    1. hello Krista -so the beams are imaginary at present -looking here for evidence of moon’s presence, in the present

    1. hi again, Cristina -no, sorry, can’t accept “face” here -just too humanized

      1. I did not think about this, it was the second meaning of “face” in the dictionary. In my own language it is the same. In English it means “the surface of a thing, especially one that is presented to the view or has a particular function, in particular”. It is as the expression “clock’s face”. I tried to find a synonym. I couldn’t. Maybe “image” is the best synonym. So, I rewrite it splitting the first word too:

        the weather vane
        hiding and revealing
        the moon

    1. hi Lisa -“strobes” is a bit of a jolt, but acceptable here; the enjambment in the third line wouldn’t be -might read better as “moonlight strobes/ through halting railcars/ dust” -which then, again leaves us with a kireji -though a very nice poetic effect -thanks

    1. hi again, Michael Henry -a bit of incipient violence here -though it is a “hunter’s moon” -the endings: “moon”, “honed on” and “stone” make for a strong English-language poem but too much rhyme and slant-rhyme for a link here in the first 6 -thanks, though, good poem

    1. hello Carmen -nice complexity centering on “glazes” here; double modifiers after that word not so acceptable

    1. hi again, Cristina -kireji are good, even desirable in individual haiku but not in renku -for instance this would be more acceptable as “his last/ glossy photograph/ is of moonlight” -hope you continue to participate as your situations are quite original -thanks

        1. hi Cristina -i’m not sure you mean, ‘moonshine’ which in North America more generally connotes home made alcoholic drink than moonlight -the repeated “on” of lines 2 and 3 are also a problem (not unsurmountable)

        1. “but “a day of snow” is the same, isn’t it? It is a line with a stop end” Cristina

          Yes, but ‘a day of snow’ is the hokku and there is only one hokku per renku. We mustn’t have that clear break/ cut/ kire in the ‘internal’ verses, the other verses in the renku.

          (I hope this is helpful)

          – Lorin

    1. hello, Cristina -this is a very good poem -and the 5 hard ‘k’ sounds in the third line could actually embody the metallic stutter of a broken clock hand -however, the last line has the conclusive stop of a kireji which would add a halt within our renku’s flow

    1. hello Judith -we’re offering for the moon verse here, not blossoms -the first blossom verse will be in #17

  86. Paul – awesome verse full of memories!
    *
    *
    the moon wonders
    where the light
    comes from

    1. hi again, joel -this has a ‘petit prince’ feel to it -but too much personification for me in a renku

  87. bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    – Paul MacNeil
    ***
    his question again
    why do moon beams
    ripple
    – Betty Shropshire

    2. hi again, Betty -prefer the previous version to this one with its “again why” in the second line -this states the beginning of wonder while we need a poem that evokes that wonder in the context of moonlight

    1. hi Marion – quite a shift here, but even with the intended humour, we can’t have a ‘head-butt’ in the first 6

    1. hello again, Marion -“roof” too close to “rafters” -gotta get more shift on

    1. hello again, Michael Henry -“frost” here is just inside the line for autumn -and we have to stop having full stops after the first line (or within lines for that matter) and even if we were to allow ‘endless kireji’, “crinkle” is just over the line for precious in the first 6

  91. incense lit
    the scent of sage
    lingers in a crowd

    –Maureen Virchau
    —
    bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters

    –Paul MacNeil
    —
    a gibbous moon
    shines on the broodmare’s
    new blanket
    —
    – lorin

    1. hello again, Lorin -love the “gibbous” and the whole poem actually -just feel the “new blanket” is too close to the “a day of snow”

      1. Thanks, Marshall. Ah, ‘new blanket ‘ and ‘snow’ because both cover something? The dreaded ‘backlink’? 🙂

        I’ve only seen snow twice in my life, and nothing like you have in Canada. Pregnant mares with caring owners get blankets here when autumn gets a bit crispy. .. like it has this past week. We’ve missed out on our usual balmy autumn this year.

        – lorin

        1. yeah, the dreaded backlink -though also a second animal very early yet beautiful verses all the same

    1. hi again, Marietta -this is beautiful; light both present and absent in concrete terms -will consider this one again later -thanks

    2. hello again, Marietta -lovely as this is, i’m worried again by a third ‘kireji’ verse within our first 5 -though it would be tough with ‘hunter’s moon’, could you rewrite this with one flow of words -something like; “tarnish dims/ the hunter’s moon light/ in the silver mirror”-we still have 3 days -thanks

    1. hello again Vasile -first line kireji problem here -and the fullness one to “kids waiting/ at the window/ for the full moon” would be smoother

    1. hello Carol -this one raises many questions: 1. do i want another animal in the first 18 verses? the first 6? -you override that introducing two here 2. is a predatory swoop too violent for the first 6? well, yes and 3. can cause and effect be so boldly depicted in a renku -well, no -and of course the first line has a kireji ending too -but don’t take it personally -outside of the context of this renku, i see a multitude of poems such as this in structure published quite proudly in haiku magazines around the world every month -write on

    1. hey, i like this one, Barbara -‘disguise’ as a verb here would be highly original – quibble with the blandness of “satisfaction” however -be looking this one over gain -thanks

    1. hi again, Barbara -had “song’ in the second verse -no singing again til verse 20 or so

    1. hi Barbara – “torchless” has a contrived feel to it, adding a rustic touch to an metropolitan theme -and it halts the line like a kireji -which we’ve probably reached our limit of already

    1. hello Marilyn -heaven knows we’re familiar with frost in the autumn around where i live -but my overall feeling from this verse is a wintry one -and we’re in autumn

    1. nice sense, here, Marilyn, of concentration in distraction -something moonlight does for us -i’ll be looking at this one again -thanks

    1. what a relief, p j; i can at least decide that this one’s not up to the calibre of the other two of yours -but thanks

    1. again p j, the only problem i have with this is that it keeps us in the barn -and i’ve got 4 days to decide if i want that -and this is equally beautiful -thanks

  104. incense lit
    the scent of sage
    lingers in a crowd

    –Maureen Virchau
    —
    bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    –Paul MacNeil
    ——
    full of himself
    the red rooster crows
    to the day moon
    —

    – lorin

    1. hi again, lorin -I guess this is a conceivable act, but I don’t really believe a day moon could exert enough visual influence to stimulate a rooster to crow -so, too fanciful for the first 6

      1. Some roosters will crow at anything, anytime 🙂 If the beak and eyes seem to be focusing on something (a day moon in this case) is it really too large an assumption for a human viewer to make?

        (not contradicting you, Marshall, just my view. I do appreciate your comments, which help us all get some sort of grasp on what you’re looking for)

        – Lorin

        1. no, not such a large assumption, i guess -just one i wouldn’t be convinced of by your poem -and thanks for the encouragement to me for saying what i want to say so tersely -a lot to read through here and i don’t want to slow it down -but that’s one of the reasons we do this

    1. nice and direct and in the present, Vasile -but to go back to a working farmer is too much backtracking for me

    1. hi Vasile -looking for a more immediate experience here -i’d be careful of “full” when the barn already is

    1. hello Jackson -‘harvest’ a little repetitive after the bales have been called, “stacked”

    1. hi again p j -this is a beautiful image, appropriately paced -I’ll have to look at this one again to consider whether i want us to be situated so specifically within the barn as this one does -thanks

  110. Thanks to Karen, Michael Henry, Judt, and Maureen… and certainly our fearless leader Marshall.
    Renku is a communal poetry — very non-Western. My haiku craft and philosophy is also influenced from Japan — it is a solitary Art. It is hard to get a group together, but I hope you all will experience creating such a group poem, renku, live and in person. The Internet is the next best thing.

  111. Considering that Marshall may be reminded of ‘ a hundred gourds’
    in my previous offer ? :
    .
    bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    .
    –Paul MacNeil
    .
    moons by the dozen
    hang from the pendants
    of a chandelier
    .
    -Karen Cesar

  112. bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    .
    –Paul MacNeil
    .
    one hundred moons
    hang from the pendants
    of the chandelier
    .
    -Karen Cesar
    .
    * LOVE LOVE LOVE Paul’s verse!

    1. hi Karen -nice appreciation of the stacked bales but this bundle of splintered moons seems too close

  113. nice verse Paul!!!

    *******
    ring around the moon
    a conspicuous absence
    on her finger

    1. hello again, Michael Henry -just the abstract, ‘conspicuous’ jangles too much with your colloquial, ‘ring around’ -nice complexity though

  114. bales of the second haying
    stacked to the rafters
    .
    –Paul MacNeil
    .
    the platform
    of the commuter rail
    in moonlight
    .
    -Karen Cesar

    1. hi again, Karen -actually i’v been on one of these platforms with the moon out and it is stunning -just that the previous verse has 2 ‘the’s and so does yours -which isn’t your fault at all, but this link can’t go here -but thanks, nice memory

  115. Nice, Paul…very evocative.
    –
    –
    watching the moon
    little by little
    between skyscrapers
    –
    –
    Hi Marshall…I think I understood that it was OK for me to post for learning purposes only. If that’s not the case, please let me know…no wish to intrude on the process! Thanks, Judt

    1. yes, that’s right, Judt, nobody has verse twice in the first 6, but i like people to keep offering so the juices keep flowing

  116. Congrats, Paul! A wonderful choice, Marshall. An excellent verse on many levels. Love that link and shift. I can see it, smell it, feel it. I grew up on a farm, and this verse brings back childhood memories. Take care.

    1. hi Robert – no moon for me in this one -and we’re in autumn -‘robin’ is about the only English word i’d recognize as an absolute kigo

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