The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 34
Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.
Greetings renku enthusiasts and contributors. We’ve now completed 34 verses of our 36 verse kasen renku. Verse 34 is:
the scent of rain wafts
among peepers
- Theresa Cancro
At first sight this verse enacts a straightforward shift in sensory appeal from sound to scent. It happily resumes the quickened pace but there is an added complexity—the falling rain gives rise to a scent that “wafts”—while “peepers” though sounding as a word that would be semantically visual, actually refers to a kind of frog; probably invisible to the casual look at a natural setting, whose presence would be noticeable for its distinctive sound.
So besides helping our renku include the amphibian phylum within it, these frogs, a most haiku-laden animal, also make this a sound to sound link, with the main shift being from an indoor sound of something already aged and getting older that marks a distinct interval of time to an uncultivated, out-of-doors sound that is unpredictable and expressive. And what it expresses is the opening up of earth towards a renewed fruition as it does in the spring.
That there is not just rain but “the scent of rain” mixed with the chirping croaks of these frogs gives this verse a further tactile sense of the rough though wet body of the frog inhabiting this welcome smell. Thank you for this, Theresa.
So, the major blossom verse is next: 3 lines, blossoms or flowers of spring. This is our ‘designer’ or ‘showcase’ verse and it doesn’t have to be quick-of-pace like the preceding ones. In the analogy of departing a party for home, this is where you pause and let the hosts know how much you’ve enjoyed your attendance. But nothing of goodbye in this verse, for here we welcome fresh life.
Happy linking,
Marshall
A Day of Snow to Date
a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door–Marshall Hrycuik
coyote song closer
this longest night–Judt Shrode
incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd
–Maureen Virchau
bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters–Paul MacNeil
dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight–steve smolak
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match–Betty Shropshire
facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones
–Barbara A. Taylor
balls of moss
exit the quaking forest
–Carmen Sterba
in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically
–Marilyn Potter
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
a gypsy’s forecast
uttered to the sound
of rolling dice–Lorin Ford
trick-or-treaters skip
under a new moon
–Maureen Virchau
horses’ foggy snorts
lead our morning jaunt
along the track
–Marietta McGregor
scanning an empty platform
as the train chugs off
–Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy
I sit in silence
behind the steering wheel
awhile–Paul Geiger
the ewe gently nudges
her lambs to move on
–Mary Kendall
one white tulip
in a sunlit border
glows against the green
–Marietta McGregor
another soul in the limelight
of #blacklivesmatter
–Agnes Eva Savich
Bastille Day
fireworks
extinguished
–Marion Clarke
recruitment of volunteers
for the hospice New Year’s Eve–Gabriel Sawicki
beaming with joy
the first visitor presents
a tray of passionfruit–Barbara A. Taylor
the commuter car full
of personal devices–Michael Henry Lee
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses–Patrick Sweeney
a gull’s wings barely moving
in the midday heat–Polona Oblak
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar–Liz Ann Winkler
a dust caked child
turning a dry spigot–Judt Shrode
week after week
the geyser spout remains
frozen solidBarbara A. Taylor
skiers debate
violet wax or blue special–kj munro
twelve breaths
moving as one
hour of tai chi–Michael Henry Lee
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing–Betty Shropshire
this eclipsed moon
suddenly the colour
of fallen leaves–Marietta McGregor
striking the hunting camp
no deer in sight–Paul Geiger
every quarter
the gentle chimes
of our antique–Barbara A. Taylor
the scent of rain wafts
among peepers–Theresa Cancro
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a branchlet
of apple blossoms
on fine linen
Way too late, but I would have said
.
a branchlet
of apple blossoms
at each place setting
no, found out as i was reading earlier that i was looking for uncut blossoms or flowers, Judt
above the cradle
a swaying canopy
of apple blossoms
this one though, Judt could have the blossoms still attached t their natural setting -and it is beautiful -however, “cradle” would bring us back to your “dust caked child” of verse 26 ah well, what a set of lovelies at the end
handing out sprigs
of lily-of-the-valley
the first day of May
.
.
carrying a cluster
of flower bells
for la Fête du Muguet
these are both lovely and appropriate, Mary -but they are both gatherings of petals or flowers and -i wish i had of thought to say this earlier- i want the blossoms or flowers in their natural setting
-thanks for your efforts and some fine haiku as well
fans of iris
splayed across
a garden bed
.
.
iris fans
splayed across
a garden bed
.
.
fans of iris
splayed across
the soil
.
.
** traditionally, tall (or bearded) irises are cut back to about 5 inches after blooming. The resulting plant looks like a ‘fan’ and actually serves to provide shade for the rhizome of the plant.
i realize now that i read this, Mary, that what i want for this verse is uncut flowers -to give our renku more of the naturally ‘uncultivated’ feel
wisteria blossoms
nodding
to the wind
i might think of “nodding/ in the wind”, Mary -but “to” seems to at least partially afford some purpose to the flowers’ nods -which i don’t like
My revision of an earlier verse:
.
.
in morning stillness
a hint
of gardenia
.
or
.
.
in morning stillness
the hint
of gardenia
.
or
.
in morning stillness
the whisper
of gardenias
not sure if “trace” would work:
.
in morning stillness
a trace
of gardenia
good try, Mary, at indicating the flower ‘off-foreground’ without writing of its scent -but still lacking something to be this link
delete the very last one, please…I just noticed that Marion used whisper with her pretty Irises…I missed that somehow…my apologies
ugh, I can’t get this placed right…
please delete only this one since Marion used “whisper” already:
.
in morning stillness
the whisper
of gardenias
.
opening trillium
sheltered
by a douglas fir
discovering
my first trillium
under a frond of bracken
discovering
my first trillium
under a moist fern
like this last one, “under the moist fern” the best of these, Judt -still feel the emphasis is one the discovery and the discoverer and not on the trillium however -which doesn’t diminish it as a haiku but does lessen my enthusiasm for it’s being used here
drips of icing
on petal-shaped
cookies for the guests
naw, Carmen”petal-shaped” doesn’t make it for me as a culminating blossom image for this renku
daffodils
on the roadside
nod at passing traffic
yeah, “nod” is a little less anthropomorphic in general, Marion -but to write that they “nod” to a specific thing such as traffic puts it over the line
Ah, it was the traffic whizzing past that was making the daffodils move (nod) in their wake, Marshall.
down to the lake
escorted by the whisper
of wild irises
“whisper” just over the line for me as personification, Marion
totally content
to sit and admire
her irises in bloom
nice subjective state achieved here, Marion -not what i’m looking for though
all the lilies
in the ornamental pond
have burst open
would have preferred “are open” for a third line, Marion -but would be concerned with how predictable it would seem to follow a ‘frog’ link wit a ‘pond’ one
To be honest, it was an ornamental fountain in Italy, Marshall, but it sounded a little odd as I guess all fountains are ornamental, so I replaced it with ‘pond’ without thinking about the frogs.
all the lilies
in the Italian fountain
are open
an upended umbrella
fills with a flurry
of blossoms
a umbrella swings
from the plum tree
scattering blossoms
seems like a ’cause-and-effect’ poem, Marion, but actually it isn’t -so thanks for this, i’ll look at it again later
You very welcome, Marshall.
(Although I seem to have used an ‘a’ rather than an ‘an’ 🙂 )
marion
sort of a haiku with a twist at the end, Marion -but “upended” just too rough a word for our concluding blossom verse
processional wending
between banks of daffodils
to the festooned gazebo
just too long, Judt -concerned about “wending” after the previous verse’s ‘waft” too
neighbors come out
to view the swirling
apple blossoms
a kind of ‘effect-and-cause’, Carmen -not what i want here
her eyes widen
when the saucer magnolias
burst into bloom
so, Marilyn, “saucer magnolias” are one of my favourites, and bloom early, so they’re perfect for a spring seasonal -but paired with “wide” and ‘burst” the verse’s crescendo is just too loud and augmented
tall bearded iris
heads above
all others
sorry, can’t accept a “bearded” old “iris” either, Mary
the scent of rain wafts
among peepers
.
.
.
the mock orange
dreaming of all
it might have been
sort of like the summer grasses being soldiers in Basho’s famous haiku -too personified here, Mary
sunflowers
bring sudden smiles
to our faces
oh nonono, that -’cause-and-effect’ rag (to paraphrase T.S. Eliot) and his Shakespearian, Mary
swirls of pink
lotus blossoms
grace muddy ponds
yes, i know they’re often “muddy”, Mary, but the diction of that word just wrecks the verse
in morning stillness
only the scent
of gardenias
ugh, I used “scent” right after Theresa’s lovely verse…sorry
for that. Let me rephrase this one:
.
in morning stillness
only the hint
of gardenias
this is nice, Mary -i’ll have to read it again without seeing it after “the scent” -my only problem with it at this point is “only” -but right now don’t have any suggestions -tough to indicate a sense of something ‘off-fucus’ 9especially for a flower) without using an olfactory appeal -so,thanks
“hint” i prefer to your later version with “trace”, Mary but it just isn’t diffrent enough from “the scent . . .”
sweet faced pansies
jumping up here
and there and there
nope, Mary -pansies jumping is just too anthropomorphic -just because a phrase is commonly accepted in everyday speech doesn’t mean it’s acceptable poetic language -in fact i try to avoid everyday speech and syntax as much as possible in my own haiku in order to indicate that common sense tends towards insensitive sense
the coolness
of wild lilies
touching my face
sensitive image, Judt -“coolness” seems a bit out-of-place here -but not a ‘fatal’ flaw -“touching my face” is certainly enigmatic -i’ll return to this later, thanks
Hi Marshall. If it needs explanation, I reckon it doesn’t work, but trying for tactile/zoom in. In my experience, fresh flowers always have a coolness…water content maybe? I don’t know.
This verse: kneeling to experience them more closely, or holding cut lilies to my face…the texture and fragrance…ahhh.
.
Maybe:
.
touching the coolness
of wild lilies
with my face
.
or to my face
.
Enough already! 🙂
Judt
thanks, Judt -i didn’t realize you would be bending down to experience them more fully -certainly more considerate of them then just picking them and lifting them up -thinkyou need to indicate how your skin got to experience them however
I usually plunge my face into fragrant flowers. 🙂
wooded dunes
in dappled light a stand
of nodding pogonias
up from the rich loam
nodding pogonias stand
in the shade of oaks
up from the rich loam
nodding pogonias bloom
in the shade of oaks
so Betty -the flowers this sounds like is a ‘begonia’ -“pogonias” are a kind of fish, i believe -is there another flower i don’t know about?
“nodding pogonia” is a rare and endangered wild orchid in wooded dunes area around the great lakes region
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://dnr.wi.gov/topic/EndangeredResources/Plants.asp%3Fmode%3Ddetail%26SpecCode%3DPMORC2F050&ved=0ahUKEwj7v8Lww5fQAhVEKCYKHTEHAG4QFghIMAw&usg=AFQjCNHWOH6_olEfoOwxAxLtqNSC-b1wqw&sig2=FyZ5aJbY30OMTDzavY21ew
had no idea, Betty -and the Great Lakes is my home region -the one beginning “wooded dunes” is beautiful -thanks very much
so Betty – i went to the link you provided (didn’t work Monday night) and found that the ‘nodding pogonia’ blooms in august -which won’t do -has to be a spring bloomer -so i looked through our flower books and found that the ‘Indian paintbrush’ blooms as early as May, in clumps and in sandy soil -so i would like to use
“wooded dunes/ in dappled light a stand/ of indian paintbrushes”
for our blossom verse
daffodils
compliment
the cut crystal vase
have to think about this one, Michael -i think i’d want the vase to compliment the flowers -but thanks
monarchs flown
and milkweed down
light on the wind
No, sorry, we’ve already met the goddess of wind…
also, too autumnal, Marietta
the spidery curls
of chrysanthemums
frame a temple gate
Or rather:
.
spidery curls
of chrysanthemums
frame a temple gate
“spidery” a kind of sneaky metaphorical, Marietta -fun, but not for here
the misty drift
of flowering dogwood
along a ridge
Gah! Just realised this may be read as reference to Aalix’s previously bolting dog! That wasn’t intended!
okay, Marietta -the only the too heavy “misty drift” that i would object to here
dog bolts
from the stuffy car
to chase dandelions
dog bolts
from the stuffy car
to chase dandelions in the field
first line just too rough, Aalix -“bolts” sort of references a lightning bolt, but also sounds like a thick screw -would rather not have a canine after an amphibian, especially since we had a coyote in the complementary second verse to begin with -as we’re one verse from closing here
What a great verse, Theresa – I had never heard of peeper frogs until now! ?
marion
Thanks so much, Marion! Yes, we have peepers every spring.
–Theresa
opened irises
seen through the wrought iron
scrollwork
hi Betty -this one touches me because i love irises and you managed to not state a colour and, thirdly, it seems as if you are referencing the ‘wrought iron”-like motif that The Haiku Foundation is using as an icon for our “Renku Sessions 4” -seen that way, “irises” also can refer to our collective visual experience during the making of this renku -that in turn is printed out as if in a scroll-like manner on the “Troutswirl”-so, intensely visual and cerebral if you want to take it that way -i’ll have to think about whether i want it here for those that don’t see it in that fashion -but thanks alot
Hi, Marshall…whew! Love your interpretation so thank you for delving so deeply! No matter what verse you go with, it’s all good and I greatly appreciate your skill and thoughts on all of our offerings!
Betty
Thanks, Betty -i’ve decided not to use this verse -it’s a great summary of seeing nature blossom into worldhood through the lens of a renku -but leaders should avoid self-interpretive links -at least for the climax verses -but i am going to use your other verse of “wooded dunes . . .” but had to change “nodding pogonias” because they bloom in August -changed to “indian paintbrushes” -so i’m taking your “no matter what verse you go with” as agreement to this -thanks alot-MH
peach blossom
in a dainty circle
around the tree
don’t know if i fully understand this one Barbara -why isn’t it “a peach blossoms” as in the tree or just “peach blossoms” as if they could be just the petals on the ground? -and “dainty” seems totally needless unless you mean to indicate their frailty -and then using “circle” followed by “around” feels out of place in a haiku
his boutonniere
freshly picked
from the apple tree
certainly empahsizes the beauty-in-impermanence, Judt -does link the human world of apparel to the natural realm nicely though -will consider again, thanks
Way to go, Theresa! Congratulations!
Thank you, Debbie!
Best,
Theresa
in morning sun
a lily’s throat
bright with pollen
instead of ‘a’ lily’s throat:
‘the’ lily’s throat
yes, Judt, “the” is better that “a” -uneasy with “throat’ though -i know it’s used in reference to the lilies’ passage down the flower to its pistil and stamens -but it not only resonates loudly with something human but it also gives the verse a ‘clinical’ touch that we don’t want here
wild violets
in a defensive posture
the odd-scaled snake
-Patrick
flower’s “posture” in the mind of the beholder here, Patrick -i’m looking more for something where the mind absorbs the scene than super-imposes upon it
at the picnic
we wear a sprig of
wattle blossom
emblematic of Australia, no doubt, Barbara -of course i would put “of” at the beginning of the third line -“sprig” to “picnic’ interesting but not obtrusive slant rhyme -have to think about whether i want the flower of our second blossom verse to be emblematic -so, thanks
rainbow colours
shimmying
on a jasmine bloom
no, we have to leave “colours” out as well, Barbara
a blissful stroll
between the wisteria
and jasmine
this too ‘scenty’ as well, Barbara -though i can understand the bliss
opening the window
the lilac fragrance comes
uncalled for to dinner
“fragrance” too close to the just previous “scent of rain”, Vasile
a smile on his face
the child gives to mother
a wild flower
again, this emphasizes the love-bond above and beyond the experience of the flower, Vasile -not terrible in itself, but the reverse of what i’m looking for for here
in the poplar top
not far off sky
an inquiring bud
‘inquiring minds’ are fine, Vasile -and though i am one of those who believe trees have consciousness, i don’t believe their buds make enquiries
‘inquiring minds’ are fine, Vasile -and though i am one of those who believe trees have consciousness, i think this crosses the line into personification
only a breath
and the catkins of willow
burst one by one
“catkins of willow/ burst one by one” would fit the mood very nicely here, Vasile -but the “breath” brings in an agency, probably a human agent that in turn brings in cause-and-effect; something we emphatically don’t want here
here is
some blue harebells sound
the reveille
the peepers’ sound in the previous verse is enough aural experience for here, vasile
antennas
to the sky
plum blossoms
“antennas” just too hard and un-sensual to link here with scents wafting in the frog-voiced darkness, Vasile -but plum blossoms would be welcome
wisteria draws us
along an ancient path
to the pagoda
wisteria draws us
along a well worn path
to the pagoda
“wisteria” with “well worn” really won’t do, Judt -have no problems with “ancient” but i’m wary of the hint that the wisteria are leading us by their scent -which we already have mingled with the peepers’ chirping
backlit on the sill
a graceful arc of tulips
just for her
at the tulip festival
children with crayons
of every colour
don’t want to have tulips again for this blossom verse as well, Liz Ann -lovely though they may be
ladyslippers
filled with dew
along the marshland trail
not crazy about “filled” here, Liz Ann -then realized we’re linking to “the scent of rain …” -so we’d be way too wet with this link
tandem cycling
to the lilt
of ‘Daisy Daisy’
gives the blossom a bit of an accessory function, Michael -and i don’t think we want “evening” and “night” in the same climactic haiku to our renku
nice, light touch, Marietta, singing the “Daisy Song” while riding a bicycle built for two -i feel though that this would diminish the impact of this link as a blossom verse if its ‘love verse’ aspect overrode the flowers’ presence so completely
an evening
enhanced with the
night blooming jasmine
gives the blossom a bit of an accessory function, Michael -and i don’t think we want “evening” and “night” in the same climactic haiku to our renku
swarms of bees
carrying bounty
from clover fields
not a fan of functionality in any kind of haiku, Marilyn -but especially here, it’s not about the labour or the ‘fruits of the labour’ but about the beauty of the blossoming moment; transitory, but beautfiul nonetheless -or even moreso for that
a nosegay of daphne
with endearments
from her lover
never really liked the word “nosegay”, Marietta -but besides this prejudice of mine, we don’t want to mention “scent” in any way after the last verse
If this goes haywire, I’ll quit…which is no doubt the best idea I’ve had all night.
.
.
.
daffodil princess waving
as fez tassels bob
and the drum major struts
not crazy about “daffodil princess”, Judt -wary of encouraging the idea that when something’s really great it has a human component or character to it
Help! I’m stuck in Groundhog Day! One post just came up as a reply AND a comment! And my latest post, meant as an original verse, came up as a reply to another. We’ll see where this ends up.
Frustrated in Seattle
i hope we’re both out of Feb. 2 now, Judt -MH
morning glories
entwine the wrought iron
opened gate
like the first two lines, Betty -third line pre-empts, for me the last verse where i like to open out the renku to the universe
toddler dropping handfuls
of orange blossoms
along the aisle
visualizing their pristine whiteness, it didn’t occur to me that even so, “orange” probably counts as color.
yes, Judt, it does whether intended or not -and would probably be okay if we hadn’t had colours so often -your earlier “orange blossom” verse was still very nice though
thank you, Marshall
Yes, I do like this verse. But, I did notice we already have the word scent in v3?
~~~
carpets of purple
greet the Jacaranda Queen
at the annual parade
~~~
http://www.jacarandafestival.org.au/jacaranda-trees.html
~
My jacaranda are all in full bloom now, wonderful!
yes we do Barbara -i saw a chance for a parallel exit -verses 2 to 3 were “coyote song’to “scent” and so verses 33 to 34 go from “the gentle chimes” to “scent” -these blossom verses are all such a plenum of life in bloom, i’m just going to wait and see for a few days if something really stands out -but so far, any of three already would be great to have in our renku -can only choose one however
the scent of rain wafts
among peepers
–Theresa Cancro
.
wild orchids
open to the sun
in a bush clearing
the scent of rain wafts
among peepers
–Theresa Cancro
.
lily-of-the-valley
and a wish
for the future
would probably prefer the “wild orchids” to this one, Marietta, because it’s so attractively tangible
the scent of rain wafts
among peepers
–Theresa Cancro
.
square after square fills
with the sweetness
of mimosa
don’t really like the “squares, Marietta, right after the “every quarter” of verse 33
Congratulations, Theresa!
Thank you, Marietta!
–Theresa
Thank you, Marshall, for selecting my verse. What a nice surprise. I’m truly honored!
–Theresa
you’re most welcome again, Theresa -glad to have an inclusion from you with us -MH
Yes, Theresa, lovely verse!
.
.
.
orange blossom garlands
on the heads
of praying children
Thank you, Judi!
–Theresa
Sorry about getting the spelling of your name wrong. I should have said, “Thank you, Judt.”
–Theresa
No problem! ?
Wow, just carried away, I guess, with exultation from the thought of flowers and spring! But how could I write “children” when my own verse says “child”?!?
yes we do Barbara -i saw a chance for a parallel exit -verses 2 to 3 were “coyote song’to “scent” and so verses 33 to 34 go from “the gentle chimes” to “scent” -these blossom verses are all such a plenum of life in bloom, i’m just going to wait and see for a few days if something really stands out -but so far, any of three already would be great to have in our renku -can only choose one however
and this one posted twice because i hit something with the side of my hand
don’t really like the “squares, Marietta, right after the “every quarter” of verse 33
hi Judt -this is my fourth attempt to tell you that your verse is lovely as well -as i said to Barbara, i’m expecting many beautiful offerings this week and will look at most of them again and again -thank-you to all for the fine comments and lovely offerings
Wow, just carried away, I guess, with exultation from the thought of flowers and spring. But how could I write “children” when my own verse says “child”?!?
daffodil princess waving
as fez tassels bob
and the drum major struts
Hi Mary…just testing…I’m only getting a “reply” option, but would like to “comment.”
If this posts as a comment, all is well. Thanks, Judt
yeah, Judt, i’ve had to hit “post” twice to get my replies to ‘stay”
Theresa’s offering really stood out from the rest. I think this is one of the most perfect sensory images in our renku. Congratulations, Theresa! 🙂 A perfect choice, Marshall.
.
.
the scent of rain wafts
among peepers
.
–Theresa Cancro
Thanks, Mary, for your very kind words. I was thrilled to see this!
–Theresa