The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 30
Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.
Hello there, renku travelers! We’re about to make the turn for home. Our 30th verse is:
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
Betty Shropshire
“Drift” is the keyword in the linking here. I thought ‘dance’ was too close to the graceful but deeply anchored movements of tai chi practice in unison but that “drift” connoted a kind of oneness with the river’s flow that would be neither willful nor against the anglers’ wills either.
“Drift” also works here both as a noun; ‘drift fishing’ being a technique of landing the game and as a verb where it would be the anglers who are drifting. “Sheboygan” was just the most resounding Place Name for a river suggested and “along” in its ‘n’ and ‘g’ sounds deepened its resonance.
We’ve had mammals, a sea-monster and a bird, so with “salmon” we have now included an animal from the fish phylum. These are non-native, “inland salmon” who in fact don’t die after spawning in the shallower, pebble-strewn waters of North America’s ‘Great Lakes’. But they are salmon nonetheless and are fished in the autumn, both for the sport they offer and their taste.
Thanks to Patrick Sweeney and Betty for their input here. This is a lovely transfer of energy from a non-seasonal verse to a setting for our fall seasonality. Thank you very much for this verse, Betty.
What’s up now is our final ‘moon verse’ -3 lines, with a further indication that it’s in the autumn. We’ve had moonlight and a new moon (crescent) so there’s no need to be bashful about offering a full moon, a round simulacrum or a day moon for this link. Just please steer clear of animal repetitions, colours or reflections on windows or waters.
Happy linking,
Marshall
A Day of Snow to Date
a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door–Marshall Hrycuik
coyote song closer
this longest night–Judt Shrode
incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd
–Maureen Virchau
bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters–Paul MacNeil
dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight–steve smolak
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match–Betty Shropshire
facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones
–Barbara A. Taylor
balls of moss
exit the quaking forest
–Carmen Sterba
in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically
–Marilyn Potter
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
a gypsy’s forecast
uttered to the sound
of rolling dice–Lorin Ford
trick-or-treaters skip
under a new moon
–Maureen Virchau
horses’ foggy snorts
lead our morning jaunt
along the track
–Marietta McGregor
scanning an empty platform
as the train chugs off
–Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy
I sit in silence
behind the steering wheel
awhile–Paul Geiger
the ewe gently nudges
her lambs to move on
–Mary Kendall
one white tulip
in a sunlit border
glows against the green
–Marietta McGregor
another soul in the limelight
of #blacklivesmatter
–Agnes Eva Savich
Bastille Day
fireworks
extinguished
–Marion Clarke
recruitment of volunteers
for the hospice New Year’s Eve–Gabriel Sawicki
beaming with joy
the first visitor presents
a tray of passionfruit–Barbara A. Taylor
the commuter car full
of personal devices–Michael Henry Lee
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses–Patrick Sweeney
a gull’s wings barely moving
in the midday heat–Polona Oblak
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar–Liz Ann Winkler
a dust caked child
turning a dry spigot–Judt Shrode
week after week
the geyser spout remains
frozen solidBarbara A. Taylor
skiers debate
violet wax or blue special–kj munro
twelve breaths
moving as one
hour of tai chi–Michael Henry Lee
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing–Betty Shropshire
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or all who are dying to know we survived Mathew but not without financial loss
**********
after the storm
a flock of wood storks
under a day moon
never could type worth a sh____t should read ” for all who are…”
certainly glad to hear from you, Michael -that you got through this last weekend -seen pictures of wood storks in people’s bathrooms in North Carolina -is that where you are?
St. Augustine Florida
So glad you are unharmed after Matthew. That is the main thing.
Yup thank you Marietta
Nice ku, Micheal! It seems almost a sign that the worst is over. Were they coming back, or going?
– Lorin
going west away from the Atlantic beach side
. . . & another last go
—
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
caught
among blackberry briars
the rising moon
—
– Lorin
ironic, Lorin, that the reason i didn’t want food or cooking in this link was that it would seem like the ‘catch of the day’ from fishing -and you have a “blackberry briar” as well, making the netting explicit -i’ve been trying to avoid such direct links throughout, but i certainly appreciate your efforts and commitment to making this an intelligent as well as an elegant renku
o, duh! And I thought it was so apt & realistic a link. Put it down to relative inexperience. This was a flashback to my youth in the backwoods of East Gippland. Blackberries grow as high as the first storey of a house along the river there.
—
– Lorin
by moonlight
the scarecrow dances
with a plastic bag
a little bit of phantasy never hurt, eh, Marion? -it’s only that “a plastic bag” just feels like a ‘bad’ linking to the nets of “drift fishing”
Drat and double drat, Marshall! ;D
BMW moonroof
lets me see the stars
in your eyes
well, that’s original, Paul -don’t really want ‘the ultimate driving machine’ linked in here, but thanks
OH. So, no brands to be mentioned in renku, eh? Hmm. Makes sense.
warmed by the moon
in the old wooden pails
must begin to boil
what, Vasile, is being warmed? -you don’t mean to say that the moonlight is making the wooden pail’s water boil, are you?
under the moon
the scarecrow watches over
orange pumpkins
it’s awkward, joel, having one line begin with “under” and a subsequent one end with “over” -stating “orange”isn’t really needed either
unde the day moon
the farmers carts hurry up
to the silo
this one does involve autumn, Vasile, but has no sensual appeal to the reader, except maybe to the kinaesthetic sense of speed
light like by day time
the full moon watching
on high
while ebb and flow
waves are born, waves are dying
under the same moon
“waves” to the implied river too hard a link, Vasile -and not really any autumn here, either
at the closing time
in the revelers eyes
double full moon
thanks for clarifying -guess i was still indulging my ‘notherner’ bias to think that when the moon was closest in November it wouldn’t be for the southern autumn (February) as well -but as for the kigo of cicada -you know i said right from the beginning that i believe kigo only apply in Japan and would be a waste of time to use in offering to this renku -all i can draw upon is my own experience -and if i want to know of the cicada, i listen to the cicada and to me they mean summer
happy enough, Vasile, but no autumn here
one last go:
—
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
Betty Shropshire
—
2 versions:
—
elder’s pipes
smoke by the pampas grass
until moonset
—
white beards
of elder’s by the pampas grass
until moonset
—
– Lorin
correction:
—
white beards
of elders by the pampas grass
until moonset
—
glad to see you eliminated “smoke”, Lorin, which was too close to “breaths” -but even as it is it’s too soon after “twelve breaths/ moving as one”
out on a limb
the day moon hooked
by a straggler leaf
….
for fun
every compliment
obtuse but for the day moon
and the change of leaves
don’t understand, Betty, how these natural occurences are “compliments” of you
Was trying to use and play off obtuse as in complementary angles…epic fail but I only minored in math, Marshall
The complementary angle of a compliment, Betty? What a difference an ‘i’ makes. 😉
– Lorin
“The complementary angle of a compliment, Betty? What a difference an ‘i’ makes. ?
– Lorin”
…
LOL…I was a little too obtuse!
Cheers!
Betty
where each leaf
grasps the day moon’s
tug and pull
this is a mental extrapolation, Betty, based on ’cause-and-effect’ results -not a sensory experience
fun’s a good thing, Betty -cheers
back atcha! ?
🙂 astute, Betty. 🙂
– Lorin
o, dear…the order stuffed up… I mean the “out on a limb” one.
– Lorin
Thanks, Lorin! (wish more of my emoticons would display here) ?
reading ‘Good Night Moon’
as the little children
settle into sleep
.
.
reading ‘Good Night Moon’
as little ones
settle into sleep
.
fair enough, Mary but this could happen any night of the year -we’re specifically looking for a moon verse that’s autumnal even without the moon
a homeless man
bids the moon goodnight
before making up his leaf bed
like how the “leaf bed” would signify autumn, here, Marion -not so sure about “bids” beginning one line and “bed” ending the next -and i have to consider whether we need “beofre” next time i read this, thanks
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
the moon huge
and the cries of cicadas
fading
—
– Lorin
okay, Lorin, so the moon is closest in its orbit of earth in November -so that’s when it has the largest in appearance to us when full: “huge” -so that’s fall here, but spring in the southern hemisphere -so are there really cicadas in November in Australia, Lorin? -anyway, “the cries of cicadas” would mean primarily summer to any poetry reader
“are there really cicadas in November in Australia, Lorin?” – M
Probably up North, but not where I am, in the South. You seem to be going by calendar months, Marshall. Hey, it’s spring here now, 2nd month of spring: October. They begin to emerge in Summer (in Victoria) . . . late January, February (think of your August) But they’re still around and more vocal in Autumn, then there’s the pathos of fewer and fewer who haven’t yet mated, (so, my ‘fading’ … March into April) Deafening when there’s a lot of them, but when you get the fading sounds there are fewer & fewer. You notice it. It must be that Japan’s main island climate is close to mine (certainly closer than Canada’s!) because the sound of cicadas is a traditional autumn kigo for the Japanese.
kigo for all autumn
cicada in autumn, aki no semi 秋の蝉 (あきのせみ)
….. autumn cicadas, shuusen 秋蝉 (しゅうせん)
This kigo brings out the sadness and appreciation of the near death of this animal.
remaining cicadas, nokoru semi 残る蝉 (のこるせみ)
http://worldkigo2005.blogspot.com.au/2005/03/cicada-semi-05.html
– Lorin
To clarify:
“so the moon is closest in its orbit of earth in November” – M
—
In the Northern Hemisphere, yes. But in the Southern Hemisphere, November is late spring and the moon is closest in it’s orbit in autumn, the opposite season to spring, just as it is in the Northern Hemisphere. It’s the Earth’s elliptical orbit around the sun that makes your longest day my shortest and vice versa. The moon is constant in its orbit of Earth.
—
– Lorin
whoops, no, that’s not it! The moon’s orbit is elliptical too. So this might be better:
—
“During the year, the sun is furthest north of the equator on the first day of northern summer and its furthest south of the equator on the first day of northern winter. Right now we’re in the beginning of fall in the northern hemisphere. The moon, opposite the sun, is moving northward as the sun is moving southward. The season of fall is somewhat of a midway point for the sun and the moon. Because the moon is moving northward, it is rising about 25 minutes earlier than it normally would, or only about 25 minutes later each night. Therefore, for about a week, it’s rising at about the same time that the sun is setting.”
http://phys.org/news/2010-10-harvest-moon-big-orange.html
—
… and there’s more about why it looks biggest in autumn, in both hemispheres. your autumn, my autumn…at opposite times of the calendar year.
—
– Lorin
thanks for clarifying -guess i was still indulging my ‘notherner’ bias to think that when the moon was closest in November it wouldn’t be for the southern autumn (February) as well -but as for the kigo of cicada -you know i said right from the beginning that i believe kigo only apply in Japan and would be a waste of time to use in offering to this renku -all i can draw upon is my own experience -and if i want to know of the cicada, i listen to the cicada and to me they mean summer
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
a storm of leaves
faster than the clouds
that race the moon
—
– Lorin
“storm of leaves” a metaphor, Lorin -which isn’t necessarily a death-knell for it -but then when add that clouds, “race the moon” this whole verse leaves the realm of haiku or ‘haiku-related’
Well, ‘a storm of leaves’ may strictly be metaphorical but it’s shorter than ‘leaves being blown around by a storm wind’ , which is what I’d hope most readers would see as an image. There’s nothing ‘very metaphorical ‘ about it, as there would be if it was, eg. ‘a storm of words’.:-) Our whole language is metaphor based!
—
As for ‘clouds race the moon’, haven’t you seen that? Haiku is not and never has been a scientific ‘nature report’. Check out ‘clouds race the moon’ on the Presence website (I’ve read your haiku in Presence ):
—
the Cup favourite
restless in his stable …
white clouds race the moon
—
Lorin Ford, Presence 51 (2014)
—
(That ku, of course, is set in spring, not too long before the first Tuesday in November, the day the nation stops for a horse race. 🙂 )
—
Just sayin’ 🙂 (as the Americans say) … not everyone would consider the “storm of leaves” ku I offered above as a verse that “leaves the realm of haiku or ‘haiku-related’ “.
—
– Lorin
http://haikupresence.org/tagged/Lorin%20Ford
no, not, everyone, Lorin -may i remind you that this is not a competition
You hadn’t noticed that it had become a competition for some, Marshall? I did, and so I decided this time around I’d attempt to compete, too. Silly of me, though, I admit. 🙂
—
cheers,
Lorin
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
vexed with the moon
a street sleeper turns
to the other side
—
– Lorin
?
Yes, Betty 🙂 you’re right, I admit it was me getting vexed with the moon (verse). 🙂 I wish I was over there fishing in your river instead of being hooked & struggling with this #!#! renku!
—
– Lorin
still have trouble, Lorin, with “street sleeper” -and with the possible exception of winter, this could be any season
True, Marshall. Any time the moon was bright & glaring enough to annoy. 🙂 Mind you, a lunar eclipse doesn’t happen in a particular season either, though it only happens with a full moon.
If I say I saw a sunset the colour of peaches, would that mean I saw it in the season of ripe peaches?
—
– Lorin
No, Lorin, you’re right -but if you used the word “peaches” it would probably consolidate a summery feeling -be odd to accept it say, for a winter verse, wouldn’t it?
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
a spotlight moon
finds what we left to rot
in the dew
—
– Lorin
or:
a spotlight moon
shows what we left to rot
in the dew
—
– Lorin
sounds a bit like the Olson, Lorin -and “spotlight moon” i just can’t abide since it makes the moon into a useful human tool as in a stage theatre
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
.
.
Audrey singing
Moon River
in a wistful voice
.
as Audrey sings
Moon River
in such a wistful way
.
.
MH, not sure of the rule about linking two verses by beginning with a conjunction in the second one.
.
if this isn’t acceptable, then:
.
Audrey singing
Moon River
in such a wistful way
no, conjunctions, okay, Mary -just wanted to steer clear of “Moon River” and “Blue Moon”
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
lingering
with the scent of old sneakers
Chrysanthemum moon
—
– Lorin 😉
lingering
with the scent of damp sneakers
Chrysanthemum moon
😉
—
– Lorin
o, no … no more scent, at least overtly, after Jude’s verse #2. Damn.
—
– Lorin
also, “Chrysanthemums” are flowers in bloom, Lorin
the bright moon
repeated repeated
in fields of dew
—
– Lorin
seems to me, Lorin, that this occurence would be both awe-inspiring and dazzling -“fields of dew” i have reservations about -but it does have a magic to it -but “repeated repeated” just doesn’t -and then there’s my bias against reflections . . . -will reread later, thanks
the moon’s droppings
dew or blood, whatever
results are
—
– Charles Olsen (from ‘The Moon is the Number 18’ )
frost covered prairie
under a full moon
from the window seat
from the window seat
frost covered prairie
under a full moon
Too much like snow.
spiral of an orb weaver
shimmering with frost
under the full moon
from the window seat
frost covered prairie
under a full moon
Sorry…please scratch.
Whew! What a snarl! Back to the top, I’d like to take out “full.”
.
spiral of an orb weaver
shimmering with frost
under the moon
Help!! I’m ensnared by the orb weaver! Can’t seem to stop; I apologize. Try as I might, the dang verses transmogrify as soon as I post! And I now realize that spider webs alone suggest autumn. So…
.
spiral of an orb weaver
shimmering
under the full moon
.
Please disregard everything else that I have posted…thanks.
.
Judt
no problem, Judt -“orb weaver” actually has happy associations for me of Ariadne and Penelope in Greek mythology -so don’t be kicking yourself
Selene’s flowing dress
graced with a moonstone
worthy of the gods
or
.
on Selene’s flowing dress
an iridescent moonstone
worthy of the gods
a circlet of flowers
and moonstones adorn
Selene’s flowing hair
can’t have flowers or blossoms, Mary -that’s for verse 35
ah, right…nix #3, but #1 and #2 do NOT have flowers in them at all
“flowing” we probably want to avoid writing explicitly, Mary, due to the river in the previous line -but also, “Selene” without any context that it’s denoting a human is in fact a goddess -so the last line is a throwaway
Darn. My link attempt was the word ‘flowing’ to connect with ‘drifting.’ Isn’t that a legitimate way of linking???
Selene is the Moon Godess (one of her names) so automatically a moonstone for her is appropriate, no?
Thinking perhaps renku just isn’t for me. 🙁
many of your offerings might work in a ‘live renku’ where i choose to include the first one i can work with, Mary -and you certainly ‘get loose’ quickly (as a musician would say -and you’d be a fine asset in doing that and loosening everybody else up -so don’t discount your renku chops just yet
Mary . . . different sabaki, different approaches to renku, different verse choices, different results. Yet why would you want to give up? I’ve noticed that Marshall has been particularly encouraging to you in his comments throughout.
—
But with this ‘Selene’ verse, the obvious reason it wouldn’t be selected by any sabaki worth his/her salt at this stage of this renku is that ‘goddess’ has been done. After Patrick’s verse:
—
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
it would be a glaring mistake to include a subsequent ‘goddess’ verse.
—
– Lorin
Ah, I get it. Silly me–I overlooked the first goddess. Lorin, Marshall has been encouraging–I’ve commented on his patience a few times. As a renku beginner among so many skilled poets, I get annoyed with myself for not grasping how to link. I’m learning a lot and will quit complaining. Apologies.
Marshall, you have mentioned that you didn’t want food in this verse. I have an offering that refers to a wonderful Mexican folktale for children called, “Borreguita and the Coyote,” in which the greedy (and tricked) coyote goes after the moon’s reflection in the pond thinking it is a big cheese he can eat. I’ve done two versions here with one mentioning a cheese and the other alluding to it as a disk. Not sure if this still is a no go zone when it’s only a illusion.
.
.
greedy coyote
dives into the pond
after the golden cheese
.
.
coyote splashes
the golden disk
watching it disappear
Ugh! My apologies to MH and to all. Of course coyote appeared in the second verse of our renku. How could I have forgotten? *sigh*
at the pumpkin fair
a DJ spinning
‘Blue Moon’ on repeat
yeah, Marietta, i was worried how easily ‘Moon River’ and ‘Blue Moon’ would come to mind here -want some thing more ‘angular’
?
moon shadows
and a crackle of leaves
along the alley
this is nice too, Marietta -but i prefer your “eclipse” one -and “along” repeats the “along the Sheboygan” just four lines before
the full moon
gives up its secret
fairy ring
to go from “drfit fishing” to lighthearted phantasy such as this is too much of a shift, Marion, even for me
Well, a fairy ring is in fact a circle of mushrooms or toadstools which are caused by a fungal infection and are quite common around here, Marshall – but I guess I’ve got a bit stuck on the mushroom theme!
https://www.rhs.org.uk/advice/profile?pid=158
as if by magic
mushrooms appear
at midnight
Do we specifically need to mention the moon, Marshall or is it clear enough that mushrooms suddenly appearing at midnight have been lit up by the moon?
.
.
as if by magic
mushrooms follow a path
to the moon
each case is different, Marion -a ‘face’ or ‘orb’ by itself in the right setting would suggest the moon -“mushrooms” don’t connote the moon to me, so iwould probably discard this one, even if i were taking ‘food oriented’ offerings
an empty pumpkin
overflows
with moonlight
“overflows” carries the water over from the “drift fishing” of the previous verse -acceptable in some renku but not to ours
mushrooms
picked out by a
pumpkin moon
two food groups, Marion -but you must know i also detest lines ending in an English- language article, such as “a”
Sorry – typo!!!
beneath a sanguine moon
the displaced march
to freedom
“sanguine” puts too much human emotion into the still moon, Marilyn -and i’m thinking if “the displaced march” they would probably be more likely prisoners, (not going to freedom) and if they’re refugees, they’d be straggling and unorderly
*
under the mushroom moon
our baskets soon full
of gold
well, Liz Ann, mushrooms are food -but i like the cheeriness of this one -not for here, though
shorter days but
moonight in my eyes
at the bridge table
“days” is a rather loaded word in this renku, Paul and the game of “bridge” as a link with the “anglers” in a river is offputting to me
sizzling fritters
by the light of
a Corn Moon
or
the sizzle of fritters
by the light
of a Corn Moon
no, Barbara, decided to do without food or cooking for this link (i know i didn’t state this at the beginning of the ‘offer period’ but i realized the first day that i in fact wanted something else for this link
I follow
a skein of mist
to the full moon
this one has possibilities, Marion -don’t know if i want to change “follow” to ‘trace’ or ‘track’ or just leave it -obviously, have to look at this one again, thanks
decided, Marion, that “skein of mist” is too soon after the breaths of the debating skiers made explicit the next verse of the tai chi participants
Betty, I neglected to congratulate you on your excellent verse:
.
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
.
the word play and imagery in this verse is particularly appealing…I had never heard of drift fishing, but you linked so well to the previous verse…Congratulations!
Thank you Mary! ?
his birthday gift
of topaz earrings
and a golden moon
okay, Marietta -but if you didn’t know the moon signalled ‘autumn’ how would you know it was autumn from this verse unless it’s an astrological reference that i would rather not have here
Sort of astrological, Marshall – topaz is an autumn birthstone…
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
a tugboat’s horn
tows the fog-veiled moon
to safe harbour
—
– Lorin
. . . and too much of an air off closure in this one. – Lorin
yes, Lorin -but also “tow” as a verb for “tugboat” is too ‘heavy’
g’day Marshall,
In my garden I do have wonderful fungi that are luminous.
I seem to have forgotten the moon in my last offer:
intense moonshine
on a scarecrow’s crook
declares “No Trump Here”
but with this version, Barbara, the magnificent mushrooms are gone and we’re left with a political comment
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
gleaming
with plates in the dish rack
a bone china moon
—
gleaming
with plates in the dish rack
harvest moon
—
lorin
– Lorin
Now I know that food has been eliminated, I imagine Yu won’t want apres food either. – Lorin
no, not really, Lorin
this farmer’s
last harvest
pumpkin field aglow
——
moonlit sign
by pumpkin field
“u pick”
hi Debbie -lovely image of the rolling field under moonlight -last line, though accurate to the perception is a bit coarse for what i’m looking for however
Thanks Marshall! I thought about that! This is such a fun challenge and I so enjoy when someone comes up with just the right fit!
this eclipsed moon
suddenly the colour
of fallen leaves
yeah, the reddish-orange i saw once around midnight in Ottawa was truly amazing, Marietta -you actually see the orb as if a coloured shadow -thanks, now you’ve given me 3 to consider
at the harvest ball
her pearls take light
from the moon
this is good, Marietta, but i like your next one about the eclipse even more
two sloe gins
on the swing seat
at early moonrise
Or
.
apple brandies
on the swing seat
at early moonrise
i’m more of a slow gin than a brandy apple, myself, Marietta -sounds like fun, but i’m off of food and drink for this one
Congratulations, Betty.
.
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
.
fastening
her moonstone pin
his fingers tremble
nice ‘zoom in’ from anglers fishing to “fastening” a pin, Marietta -unsure about whether i want the focus to be on the human fingers and a human product rather than the moon though -but thanks, i’ll have to think on this one
yeah, i just like the “eclipsed moon” better than this one
Thank you, Marietta! ?
Congratulations , Betty!
————
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
-Betty Shropshire
————–
flanneled photographer
caught in headlights
the moon framed
nice twist, Debbie, the gauche paparazzi caught like a deer in the headlights -but too heavily augmented for our renku
Thanks , Marshall!
Thank you, Debbie! ?
left speechless
in awe of the clarity
of Heaven’s River
nice haiku, Barbara -but want a moon verse not so much astronomical appreciation
flapping wildly
“No Trump Here”
on the scarecrow’s hook
yeah, i’m bidding 4 no trump myself, Barbara -but not so much instead of a moon verse
the Frosty Moon
slipping free
of earth shadow
more cerebral than perceptual, Judt -not completely against ‘the rules’, but not what i’m looking for here
Frosty Moon inching
up the windowpane
to a cello sonata
hope it was one composed by Brahms with Pablo Cassals playing, Judt – but “Frosty …” unfortunately for me brings to mind the children’s Santa song, “FRosty the Snowman” – don’t kow how you could know that -but it does
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
not a prawn
to throw on the barbie
this supermoon
—
– Lorin
now i think , Lorin, the barbie dolls must be hiding -don’t even wants prawns right here (after the salmon)
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
peeled potatoes
ready for the pot
shine back at the moon
—
– lorin
this is a nice haiku, Lorin -but have decided to leave off of food for now
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
—
presenting mooncakes
as the moon rises gift-wrapped
in shining clouds
—
– Lorin
decided i want to leave out food for this link, Lorin -but “gift-wrapped” is too baroque for here in any case
yes, a tad formal & ritualistic. 🙂 – Lorin
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
–Betty Shropshire
the moon hauled up
into mackerel clouds
by a skyhook
—
– Lorin
don’t like a “hauled up” moon, Lorin -organic vs. mechanical kind of thing
Like a fishing line, hook & sinker vs a fish? (I was trying to link to Betty’ verse)
– Lorin
yes, you’re right, Mary -it does indicate autumn, as this verse needs -guess i just think it’s too ‘tight’ a word for a field ready for harvest
Apogee…
the pickpocket’s
day off
-Patrick
night off? 🙂
—
(the prawns are hiding, too 🙂 )
– Lorin
hey Lorin and Patrick, maybe it was a hard day’s night among the apogees
the day moon
a serendipitous surprise
over our pumpkin patch
L2 has 8 syllables, so maybe this (7 syllables):
.
the day moon
a serendipitous sight
over our pumpkin patch
i would write, ‘day moon/ serendipitous/ over a pumpkin patch’ -but i think it would be more of a surprise if “day moon” were not stated as such and were left to the last line
I think you are exactly right, Marshall. In a haiku I would do just that…I have trouble figuring out what to leave in or out in a renku, but I am starting to learn.
.
serendipitous
over a pumpkin patch
daymoon
.
or
.
over a pumpkin patch
serendipitous
daymoon
.
I prefer the second version. I will be careful about paring down more in the future.
Ooops, I prefer the first.
keep writing, Mary -to mix metaphors with baseball -‘you can’t hit nothin’ if you don’t make that swing’
lanterns lift upward
as we feast on mooncakes
and Cassia wine
okay, so i know what a Cassia tree is -but what, Mary, specifically are “mooncakes”? -eating as a link after fishing is interesting
The mid-autumn festival in China is often called the Moon Festival. Part of the celebration involves lanterns floating into the night sky, and it is customary to give (and receive) moon cakes which are round and stamped with moon-related designs. They are made of preserved lotus beans and are given out as a wish for good fortune. Much of this links back to the moon myth of the Moon Godess named Chang’e…a lovely story there. This link to a wikipedia article tells all about the various customs, but eating mooncakes and drinking cassia wine are two of the most common.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid-Autumn_Festival
thanks alot, Mary -i don’t really know what my preferences are for a link until i receive a few and just feel my intuition respond -so i wouldn’t have said beforehand i don’t want a food link here -but i realize now that i don’t -but thanks for the info and keep writing
his scrimshaw dream
of a whale bone moon
gliding over ripened fields
a lot here, Mary -a bone-carver phantasizing a full-scale painting -just not sure we need “ripening” -but thanks, i appreciate the complexity
I used ‘ripened’ to indicate it was autumn, Marshall.
yes, you’re right, Mary -it does indicate autumn, as this verse needs -guess i just think it’s too ‘tight’ a word for a field ready for harvest
it’s true that
I cannot write my verse
by harvest moonlight
well-written, Paul, but i’m not ready to shift from “drift fishing” to “harvest”
OK. Thanks.
the moon circle
stopped among
the bamboo twigs
has a mysterious ring to it, Maria -but in some ways it’s too close to the drifting anglers and from another view, it doesn’t link at all
-and, “stopped among” while it adds resonance is an activity we don’t want here -looking to ‘pick up’
footprints on the mud
followed by
the Hunter’s Moon
reinvigorates the meaning of “Hunter’s Moon” well, Maria, but i feel a need for a second element here
guiding me home
phosphorescent toadstools
in tonight’s full moon
~~~
as if hypnotized
a mouse nibbles pumpkin
in the moonlit circle
like the first one better, Barbara -and would prefer, ‘luminous’ or ‘surreal’ “mushrooms” to the “phos . . .” which sounds too much like a lightbulb -also “tonight’s” seems out of place here beside the “full moon” -don’t have a suggestion for how to rectify that -but thanks -saw some orange mushrooms myself just yesterday -very autumnal
Delighted, Marshall….thank you!!!
.
twelve breaths
moving as one
hour of tai chi
–Michael Henry Lee
.
along the Sheboygan
salmon anglers drift fishing
.
–Betty Shropshire
.
.
quietly humming
across a hunter’s moon
the hum of a drone
.
.
the kanji for ‘cloud’
across a hunter’s moon
quietly humming
.
.
the kanji for ‘cloud’
quietly humming like a drone
across a hunter’s moon
.
.
the kanji for cloud
across a hunter’s moon
quietly humming
.
.
the kanji for cloud
quietly humming like a drone
across a hunter’s moon
.
.
the kanji for cloud
crossing a hunter’s moon
quietly humming
.
.
the kanji for cloud
crossing a hunter’s moon
the hum of a drone
.
.
Alan Summers
hi Alan -don’t like how “the kanji” are being used here -i’m thinking along the lines of ‘moving across the Hunter’s Moon/ while i hum/ the kanji for cloud’ -but i think this is too close to tai chi and ‘drifting’ -want to avoid a kireji break here as we’re bearing for ‘home’ and want to speed up slightly -not even sure i want to use ‘Hunter’s Moon’ even, since hal the renku i’ve read have one in them -but thanks for your efforts