The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 28
Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.
Greetings renku participants! Our verse 28 is:
skiers debate
violet wax or blue special
kj munro
This verse brings us into the intimate space of shared, arcane knowledge; in from the stunning and magnificent itself. I could see breath puffs in the high, thin air without their being stated, or for that matter, ice or snow, the surfaces skiers glide upon. So it links by the medium of ice but also by the arc of the mountain to the slope of the geyser spout.
But what I really appreciate about this verse is vocalic interplay of the closed and open-voiced vowels. John Keats called this “vowel harmony.” In the first line the first and last vowels are open, while the middle two are closed: ‘ee’ and ‘a’ with two closed ‘e’ sounds in between. In the second, ‘i’ and ‘o’ are open with ‘wax’ being a special open ‘soft a’ -appropriate because it is the focal point of human device meeting naturally occurring substance. Then, in the final four syllables, an open ‘u’ sound. All five vowels voiced open and accounted for.
After so many dazzling visual links and images it’s a wonderful variation to have one that works on the vocalic level so well. And kj underscores this with the open vowels usually being the stressed ones: ‘ski’ and ‘bate’ in a choriamb in the first line – / /-; ‘vi’ and ‘wax’ in line two that is another choriamb followed by its inverse, with “blue’ stressed; /- -/. Thank you kj.
What we need now for our renku is 3 lines, no particular season. Watch for repetitions but do follow wherever your spontaneity takes you.
Happy linking,
Marshall
A Day of Snow to Date
a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door–Marshall Hrycuik
coyote song closer
this longest night–Judt Shrode
incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd
–Maureen Virchau
bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters–Paul MacNeil
dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight–steve smolak
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match–Betty Shropshire
facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones
–Barbara A. Taylor
balls of moss
exit the quaking forest
–Carmen Sterba
in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically
–Marilyn Potter
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
a gypsy’s forecast
uttered to the sound
of rolling dice–Lorin Ford
trick-or-treaters skip
under a new moon
–Maureen Virchau
horses’ foggy snorts
lead our morning jaunt
along the track
–Marietta McGregor
scanning an empty platform
as the train chugs off
–Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy
I sit in silence
behind the steering wheel
awhile–Paul Geiger
the ewe gently nudges
her lambs to move on
–Mary Kendall
one white tulip
in a sunlit border
glows against the green
–Marietta McGregor
another soul in the limelight
of #blacklivesmatter
–Agnes Eva Savich
Bastille Day
fireworks
extinguished
–Marion Clarke
recruitment of volunteers
for the hospice New Year’s Eve–Gabriel Sawicki
beaming with joy
the first visitor presents
a tray of passionfruit–Barbara A. Taylor
the commuter car full
of personal devices–Michael Henry Lee
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses–Patrick Sweeney
a gull’s wings barely moving
in the midday heat–Polona Oblak
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar–Liz Ann Winkler
a dust caked child
turning a dry spigot–Judt Shrode
week after week
the geyser spout remains
frozen solidBarbara A. Taylor
skiers debate
violet wax or blue special–kj munro
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Not sure you’d see this way down in the pile of offerings, so I’ll put it up here. You didn’t care for the final line “comes to an end” so I suggest this:
.
“comes to a close” might work since it’s the aria that is finishing…Violetta still has a few wonderful minutes before she dies
.
a flash of silence
as Violetta’s aria
comes to a close (or: draws to a close)
.
Operatic endings are dramatic, particularly when the lead is close to dying (as we all know), so I didn’t want this verse to trail off too gently. Violetta has a surge of energy and hope just before she dies and so the verse should perhaps follow. (Just my thinking.)
this is a wonderful offering to link with the leaps of skiing where the skier flies into silence and lands somewhere else with a different sound and a bit of a ‘slash’ -resembling the “flash of silence” before the crescendo of applause at the opera -but I just can’t put “Violetta’s aria” just two lines after “violet wax …” it’s jammed close
too late, I know (alas), but Tosca would have made a wonderful alternate…talk about leaping!! (Carmen would make a good third.)
red and green
manzanita branch
rests a titmouse
don’t want any more colour, here, Paul
the windmills
of my mind bring up
an old song
yeah, i know those lyrics, too, Paul -but i see no link here to the previous verse
cellphone
glued to her ear
she’s oblivious
“glued” a little too metaphorical, here, Paul -and “she’s oblivious” is over the line judgemental
in between playoffs
we have much less
to say
drawing a conclusion again, Michael -especially obvious when it concerns a strictly human activity
a cloudy day spent
in the sun room
full of shade
too many apparent contradictions, though overcome in the final meaning, make for a murky link, Michael
phone melting
in my pocket
blazing jeans
can’t have fires or “blazing” after the “Bastille Day/ fireworks”, joel
wrapping loose change
we have more
than we thought
not enough here to link it with the skier’s debate, Marilyn
though a conclusion to a particular activity, Michael -it still sounds like a homily of advice
I watch
the glee club perform
at the rally
*
a single raven
claims all
my gorgonzola crackers
we went from white to black from the blossom verse, Liz Ann -so i’m wary of going from the implied snow of the skiers to the black of a raven here
*
the sputter
of birthday candles
on grandpa’s cake
“cake” too close to “tray of passionfruit” in a past verse, Liz Ann
squelching
my urge to spin
on the lunch counter stool
no squelching, Judt -still developing to verse 30
these sages
carved in lapis lazuli
seem moonstruck!
—
(in debt to W.B. Yeats’ poem, ‘Lapis Lazuli’)
– Lorin
Are we doing the moon verse as an option?
no -and Lorin knows better -but, sometimes it’s all about the fun
naughty ‘moon’ -W.B. would probably chuckle, Lorin
Shel’s “Hairy Jazz”
“Ragged but Right” on
to The Giving Tree
….
….I loved Shel Silverstein in all his manifestations!
“to sleep:
perchance to dream;
aye, there’s the rub”
feeling a bit soliloquocial, are we, Betty – enjoying your sense of humour -thanks, MH
?
tug o’wars
in bas-relief
more gordian knots
or:
tug o’wars
in a bas-relief
of gordian knots
yeah, parallels, with physical rigour, Betty, the previous verse’s “debates” -we want to shift on -colour to sculpture not enough to offset the repetition of action
scouring the record fair
for a replacement copy
of yesterday
this is a fine example of an infinite regression that isn’t malicious, Michael -but the Beatles’ song, whose title should probably be italicized in this poem, introduces a melancholy that seems out of joint with the rest of our renku -nor does it link right in, here
I agree but i’ll be darned if I know how to access italic in this format.
a better version in my opinion would have been
scouring the record fair
for a copy
of ” Yesterday”
leaving behind
the insuperable obstacles
they win the last race
not a fan, Vasile, of hyperbole in haiku-related poetry -what’s truly “insuperable” would never in fact be surmounted unless the word was an exaggeration in the first place -this has its place in genre prose, but not here
the corporal
on the right flank
strikes the key tone
not really favouring anything military for this renku, Vasile -also, “key tone” sounds too much like the medical term, ‘ketone’; a discordant ambiguity
through the reeds
a dragonfly in crisscross
drawing ideograms
maybe ‘accomplishes ideograms’ -which isn’t very poetic -but having dragonflies “drawing” is simply too anthropomorphic for them -does, however, call to mind Soin’s poem in Japanese remarking that the clouds of a day formed a Portuguese letter in the sky -so thanks
at the confession
bending under the stole
her trembling knees
good contrast of high wealth and shaky guilt, Vasile, but we need to know if her knees were shaking in the confessional of their own fear or whether the ‘she’ here feels fear for what she’s bending over to reach
the Doppler effect
demonstrated at the mall
by police sirens
—
– Lorin
evokes the Washington State mall shootings, Lorin -i’d rather look forward to a Presidential debate in Klingon
her confidence
in the steady tapping
of high heels
from ski-wax to “high heels” intriguing link, Maria -not crazy about sumnary first lines, however
sorting
and resorting an old
box of letters
seems like a ‘downer’, Michael, where i was hoping to keep our renku upbeat at this point
Wow! Thanks for your comments, Marshall – I have been having some internet challenges & just checked back in to the renku – so grateful to be a part of this! Did I mention there is snow in the forecast?
you’re welcome, kj -I’ve got computer and wifi issues too -without snow in the forecast however -cheers, MH
Congratulations, kj – I loved this offering and the possibilities ahead!.
t-y
dueling pianos
playing chopsticks
over and over
parallels the debating exercise too closely, Mary, though sticks linking to skis is neat
a resonant note
with each chakra
being cleared
or it could be:
.
a resonant tone
with each chakra
being cleared
.
.
.
(note: each chakra has a specific colour and it resonates to a specific note/frequency )
yes, Mary, i know about kundalini yoga as my first wife was a yoga teacher -my understanding though is that it would be a super-extraordinary meditational session for more than one chakra to ‘be pierced’ = cleared, in one meditation -‘peroration’ would satisfy both the musical and penetrative aspects of this experience
Marshall, clearing all the chakras in one session is not at all unusual. It’s common practice. Perhaps in Kundalini Yoga, it’s different, but there are many different ways to utilize and clear chakras.
okay, Mary, i’m still learning -MH
the stillness of Helga
as Wyeth adjusts
her braid
nice touch, Judt -just thought i’d avoid painters and painting after the rich palate of tones and vowels in the previous verse
a flash of silence
as Violetta’s aria
comes to an end
from debate to dramatic opera= nice shift, Mary -not sure i like a “comes to an end” as the last line -“flash of silence” is a good one though -so thanks, will get back to you about this one
“comes to a close” might work since it’s the aria that is finishing…Violetta still has a few wonderful minutes before she dies
.
a flash of silence
as Violetta’s aria
comes to a close
skiers debate
violet wax or blue special
–kj munro
—
from the sidelines
an ad lib translation
into Klingon
—
– Lorin
this has possibilities, Lorin, seeing as i think the Clinton/Trump debate would sound even better in Klingon -but I have many o consider before Wednesday -but thanks
so desu ne… Marshall sensei,
domo, Patrick
“A warrior chooses a path with heart, any path with heart, and follows it; and then he rejoices and laughs. He knows because he sees that his life will be over altogether too soon. He sees that nothing is more important than anything else.”
From a letter written to me by a dear friend, hence: ‘valence of old letters’
-Patrick
thanks for clarifying, Patrick. A noble set of statements, Patrick. Not sure i agree with the last sentence but that doesn’t matter to either of us does it?
the purple-bruise shade
of old duck eggs
in a nest of shadows
or we could drop ‘shade’
without “shade” is better, Marietta, but we’ve got enough colour for quite awhile in the previous link -“a nest of shadows” is a lovely metaphor, though not really a ‘haiku-friendly’ phrase
an exhibit
of paintings features
white wine and brie
had the “wine cellar”, Michael -and we’ve just had a poised burst of colour -so we don’t want paintings mentioned as it simply repeats this motif
saxophonist playing
a low-down tune
from the back of the band
still too heavy on the cues for ‘music’, Aalix -and “low-done tune” though fine in itself is out of whack with our renku’s tone
saxophone player
plays a low-down song
from the back of the band
“player” and “plays” can’t be in the same link, Aalix
new paints
inspires the artist
to paint a rainbow
can’t have “paint” twice, Aaalix
one weekend
to paint the guest room
royal purple
no, i think “violet” and “blue” in the previous verse have this side of the spectrum covered for this renku, Marietta
her angles precise
the ikebana tutor
snipping, supporting
or
.
her angles balanced
the ikebana teacher
snips and supports
nice shift from ski blades to flower arrangement, Marietta -I will consider the “her angles balanced” again later, thanks
old crayons melted
and molded
into new
And thank you, kj, for that wonderful verse to link to! 🙂
thank you!
sort of re-constitutes the “wax”, Debbie -which is a way of linking but not one i want to include in this renku
Thank you , Marshall!
queues for freshly
caught tuna, the catch
of the day
not crazy about these kinds of lines breaks, “freshly/caught tuna” Barbara -and though I think its ‘aces’ ‘no particular season’ I just don’t feel there’s a link here
no, he’s not deaf
he just needs an ear
syringe
extrapolation, Barbara -but fun -especially since “suring…” is one of the ancient Greek words for ‘flute’ or ‘oboe’
selfies with Elvis
at Madame Tussards
trumps reality
….yeah, I know, Marshall…ixnay ?
dang, can’t spell
……
selfies with Elvis
at Madame Tussauds
trumps reality
Betty, “selfies with Elvis” is even hard to say without laughing, let alone spelling it right -but if Elvis doesn’t die who wins out; ‘Trump’ or ‘reality’?
I think we should leave that to the Annals of Improbable Research.
… hi Betty , on the world stage, ‘trump/s’ is certainly an ‘interesting’ word, these days. 🙂
(and I haven’t figured out what ‘pence ‘ , on the Trump banners, means… hell , the man’s a billionaire! What have pence, or penny counting, got to do with it? But I’m probably missing some cultural reference)
– Lorin
Pence is his running partner…the vice presidential republican candidate, Lorin. I could wax on about the horror of it all but am hoping one day, Trump will be just another museum wax figure and not the orange menace that he represents today.
“Pence is his running partner… ” – Betty
ah! Thanks for that, Betty. I didn’t have a clue, Have seen the banners around Trump on tv & wondered what ‘pence’ meant in context. (We still had pence here when I was young…tuppence , thrupence, sixpence and ha’pence)
How funny: the big money and his running partner the pence: a ‘Laurel and Hardy’ duo! 🙂 They don’t call it The Greatest Show on Earth for nothing!
valence of old letters
999:1 against
Castaneda answering
-Patrick
even as an undergraduate, Patrick, i knew Castaneda was a fraud, because he separated experience from ‘meaning -‘my cultural anthropology prof flunked me for this perception -he won’t be mentioned in this renku
🙂 well, he was certainly a fraud, whether or not for the reason you state, Marshall.
Ah, the guru game!
—
– Lorin
millenials
on the slippery slope
to lava lamps
—
– Lorin
skid marks
on the slippery slope
to lava lamps
—
– Lorin
You got me chuckling, Lorin!
🙂 thanks, Debbie 🙂 Well, I think i’m generally persona non gratis now. 🙂
-Lorin
I hope they ‘day of snow tires!’, Lorin, that left the skid marks
for the space of an hour
twelve breaths become one
in tai chi
hi Michael -like the implied “breaths” of the debate becoming explicit like this -but don’t like “the space of an hour” for its implied mixture of space and time – maybe, ‘for this hour/ twelve breaths became one/ during tai chi’ -can you think of something better along these lines?
twelve breaths
move as one for an hour
of tai chi
this is better, Michael but I like it even more as “twelve breaths/ moving as one/ hour of tai chi” and would use it as this unless you object -thank-you, Michael, MH
missing the road
they arrive again
at the starting point
has the tone of a ‘wrap-up’, Vasile, and we aren’t quite there yet -nor do we need a ‘re-start’
dabbing on perfume
from Provence’s
lavender field
nice, Marilyn, to move from sight to sound to scent -and you have an explicit place-name -thanks, will be keeping his one around
but can’t use -as “lavender” would indicate a field of flowers and so only included in a ‘blossom verse’, Marilyn
the last letter
came at destination
without seal
(link: wax -seal)
resally a two-lioner, eh, Vasile: a’a last letter arrives/ without a seal’
looking at
the double rainbow
in a buble
keeps it minuscule in gradient, Vasile, but we need alittle more complexity here as well
for lack
of something better
we do nothing
‘knowing nothing, doing nothing’ to which I would add, ‘being nothing (in particular)’ is a famed Taoist saying, Michael -no lack impled
the warmth
of her opal ring
afterwards
like at least two of your others more than this one, Marion -“afterwards” what event?
Death, Marshall, but I wanted to leave it open. 🙁
from her food magazine
a centerfold
of crustless quiche
linking either “centrefold” or “crustless” to “wax” or snow doesn’t work for me here, Michael
this desire
to capture twilight
on the lough
good as a haiku, Marion -not sure I want it as a link here after “skiers debate” as would concentrate the motion on human choice rather than nature itself -but thanks
at dusk
the mountain sports
a five o’clock shadow
naw, this is witty, but not ‘haiku-like’, Marion
a knockout
from the underdog
causes uproar
this has just too much ’cause-and-effect’ for me, Marion
I see the world
through tiny rainbows
after her song
this is possible too, Marion -I like the synaesthesia of seeing through what is heard -thanks
yes, it’s a good haiku, Marietta -but “ikebana” is just too suggestive of a floral scene and so too close to a blossom verse -like the “snips and supports” as a link to the cutting and shifting of the skier’s blades on the snow
but decided I didn’t want even a “tiny rainbow” after the “violet wax and the blue” of the previous verse, Marion
my daughter
inspects a rainbow
on the road
already have colours of the rainbow that are close together in previous verse, Marion
the low note
of a saxophone
leaves the bar
Oops – I’ve just realised this is too close to ‘exits the quaking forest’
.
the low note
of a saxophone player
turns the corner
the low note
of a saxophone player
meets us at the bar
like this, Marion, for its ambiguities -could be the sax player is the sleaziest of the bunch -or it could be as you entered a one-note blast from the sax player greeted “us” -opposite of intimate debates -will keep this around for reconsideration, thanks
her self-portrait
has its eyes closed
but can’t say why
this seems confused to me, Marietta -of course the -self-portrait can’t speak so any explanation is an interpolation by the viewer -perhaps the viewer can’t say why -but why can’t the viewer hazard a guess -believing you have no opinion is already an opinion
I think I over-egged that one. Please don’t ask me to explain, Marshall! I can’t!
from the sidelines
an ad lib translation
of Das Rheingold
—
– Lorin
hi Lorin -could use a person’s proper name here -but not so much a “das Rheingold”
is it the moonrise
or did the streetlight
just come on?
yep, traditionally this is where the third moon verse should be.
but i came to realise a while ago Marshall’s style is anything but traditional… fun nonetheless.
hi Polona -from reading renku led by Basho and Buson i find that what is called traditional or classical renku rules are just inventions by modernist formalists who want to rationalize what a renku is -first of all it’s not rational in origin or in effect
i don’t care about rules per se, Marshall, i rather see them as guidelines, and my remark was meant as an observation.
Basho was even bold enough to put moon and blossom in the same verse in one of his compositions.
of course “rules” can be flexed, the question is to what extent one can do it and still end up with the intended result.
🙂
– Lorin
hey, Paul, nice comment on the moon verse being moved -i’ll keep this around for future consisderation
yeah, can’t use the word, “moon” even within a larger word, when the moon verse is 2 verses later, Paul