The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 25
Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.
Hello, renku contributors. Here’s what I’ve chosen for verse 25:
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
Liz Ann Winkler
This verse presents a counter-factual to the “heat” without trying to show a resolution by human agency. The arms of “arm chair” link to the “barely moving” wings of the gull and transport us to a ‘below-the-surface’ succor of coolness and the intimation of both intoxicating beverages and a choice of vintages.
All this, yet it maintains a tone of wistfulness and personal imagination. It has both an “I” and a “my” but doesn’t ever become a reality and it still has more the feeling of elation than defeat.
“Wine cellar” not only removes us from the overbearing heat at the world’s surface but brings us underground and ‘above-it-all’ at the same time in both a literal and a culturally figurative sense. Thank you very much, Liz Ann.
And now we need, for verse 26, 2 lines, no particular season. Remember we need to link in an oblique way, avoid a narrative extension, stay away from words or actions already used and also to shift into another openly inclusive realm. Tall an order as this sounds, you’ve all been doing this remarkably for 25 verses. I salute all who have offered!
And continued happy linking,
Marshall
A Day of Snow to Date
a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door–Marshall Hrycuik
coyote song closer
this longest night–Judt Shrode
incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd
–Maureen Virchau
bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters–Paul MacNeil
dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight–steve smolak
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match–Betty Shropshire
facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones
–Barbara A. Taylor
balls of moss
exit the quaking forest
–Carmen Sterba
in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically
–Marilyn Potter
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
a gypsy’s forecast
uttered to the sound
of rolling dice–Lorin Ford
trick-or-treaters skip
under a new moon
–Maureen Virchau
horses’ foggy snorts
lead our morning jaunt
along the track
–Marietta McGregor
scanning an empty platform
as the train chugs off
–Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy
I sit in silence
behind the steering wheel
awhile–Paul Geiger
the ewe gently nudges
her lambs to move on
–Mary Kendall
one white tulip
in a sunlit border
glows against the green
–Marietta McGregor
another soul in the limelight
of #blacklivesmatter
–Agnes Eva Savich
Bastille Day
fireworks
extinguished
–Marion Clarke
recruitment of volunteers
for the hospice New Year’s Eve–Gabriel Sawicki
beaming with joy
the first visitor presents
a tray of passionfruit–Barbara A. Taylor
the commuter car full
of personal devices–Michael Henry Lee
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses–Patrick Sweeney
a gull’s wings barely moving
in the midday heat–Polona Oblak
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar–Liz Ann Winkler
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this makes it less personal I think
they want to cry
for the losr children
yes, it does, Aalix -but wherefore?
I want to cry
for the lost children
feels like you’re responding to Judt’s offered link, Aalix -otherwise there’s no context for this at verse at all
waterfall
echoes through the forest
nice aural evocation, Aalix -but still too much a concentration of fluids
tea brews
for the haiku club meeting
two liquids too concentrated, Aalix -and don’t like the mention of “haiku” in a renku -makes it too self-absorbed
our cat sniffs the air
before stepping out
Sorry, it should be ‘night air’
“night air” is better, Marion but this suggests a turn from day to night that i don’t want to have here (the moon verse is still a little away) -last verse begins with “if” that makes “sniffs” dodgy here as well
a game of Pooh sticks
at our favourite bridge
sounds lovely, Marion -but could lead us into a comparison of each of our favourite bridges and a game of nursery rhymes rather than verses that link into an elegant poem
comfort in basalt columns
at the Giant’s Causeway
hi Marion -from the “if only” to science fiction isn’t where i wanted this renku to go now
Marshall, not sci fi but a UNESCO world heritage site just a little further round the coast from here. One of the stone formations is the giant’s wishing chair, but I guess this is too local…
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant%27s_Causeway
like all of us
Philae needs light
‘let me compare myself to a space-probe lander”, Barbara? I don’t think so
en plein air
his palette heavenly hued
ah, open-air painting, Betty – I used to do most of my ‘first draft’ writing out of doors -but “heavenly hued” overdoes the ‘set’ theme here -I like the word ‘hue’ but always worry that, by context, it could be heard as the quarried, ‘hewn’ -the double “h” feels that uncomfortable to me here
at the fireside the old man
saying only endless fairy tales
too long in the words and syllables, Vasile -“fire …anything” is off for the rest of the renku as well
reading in his serene eyes
the shade of a black thought
ah, Vasile, looking into the virtuality of another person’s mind -somewhat pretentious as it portends evil deeds -but “the shade” is too close to the “cellar” anyway
riding the aerial lift
up to new adventures
no, joel, going from under in the “cellar” to “up” on the “lift” too predictable here
another mint tea
as he rolls out more carpets
interesting again, Marietta, in that this could either be a person preparing a highly dignified welcome or, conversely, a rug salesperson -but “mint tea” right after the hint of “wine” just too great a concentration of drinking fluids in one part of our renku
reflections bounce off
coloured glass
this one, Barbara, is just tenuous in its link
red-heads squeeze
through the port hole
so the “red” relates to the” wine” and “the port hole” to the cellar, Barbara? I guess i’ll say again, i’m looking for more complexity in the images or in t heinterpretations of the activity
chablis with prawns
on the top deck
flips bottom to up, Barbara, but keeps the wine; actually on a higher keel -still reads mostly like a re-focusing of the previous; not a deep enough shift
even the bloody* gnome
travels more than we do
.
.
Marshall, I wasn’t sure if words like “damn” or “bloody” are acceptable in Renku. I could substitute “blasted” of course. Is there a rule to follow?
sure, Mary, “bloody” and “damn” are “acceptable if they’re appropriate -but a verse of self-denigrating attitude, however light-hearted is not -mangles our renku towards self-evaluation
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
–– Liz Ann Winkler
.
.
crossing the Rhône
on a bridge to nowhere
I should add, this is Pont Saint-Bénézet or more commonly known as the Pont d’Avignon. It no longer spans the full distance across the Rhône. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pont_Saint-Bénézet
Of course the famous nursery song is about this very bridge.
want to move on from the “wine cellar”, Mary -not into its own ‘proper’ associations, however lovely
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
–– Liz Ann Winkler
.
.
grapes past prime
give in to Noble Rot
I have seen links in other renku, not led by me, that go back in the process of one of the elements in the previous verse, Mary -but it’s not for ‘my’ renku as it suggests ’cause-and-effect’, narrative and explanatory reasoning that i think work against the play of haiku-related poetry
deep in a cave
away from daily busyness
repeats too much of the previous verse’s condition, Marilyn, so as to bring stasis into our renku where we don’t want it
Les Horribles Cernettes
circle through the world wide web
or:
the World Wide Web uploads
Les Horribles Cernettes
hi Betty -don’t know what “cernettes” are -but do know i don’t want to follow an imagined possibility with a romp into virtual space
Big Ben gongs
with the changing of the guard
very ceremonious, Betty -and takes us to London town -just doesn’t ‘work’ here for me
his man Alfred
lays out the batman suit
lol, Betty 🙂 I love it!
– Lorin
Thanks, Lorin! ?
down in the bat cave, Betty? not really for our renku right now
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
–Liz Ann Winkler
—
their ancestral coat-of-arms
up for auction
—
– Lorin
nice oblique “up” from the cellar link, Lorin -but don’t want to suggest genealogy here
a pungent aftershave
quickly clears the lift
the straight ’cause-and-effect’ here, Marietta, to be avoided in renku and in haiku-related poetry in general
his drycleaning bag
carried onto the subway
he carries his drycleaning
out of the subway
a little less of a ‘narrative run’ to this one Marietta -but still slightly predictable from the subterranean origin in the previous verse
a gamers’ convention
for Dungeons and Dragons
kinda cutesy, Marietta -“Dungeons” too close to “cellar” anyway you look at it
hilling up dirt
in the potato patch
going up in the opposite direction, Marietta is a good shift -just feels too much like it’s either summer or spring
just because, I guess, here’s one I had culled from this last offering:
.
.
dust caked child
turns the dry spigot
Well, there was a good reason…it’s a report/observation. :-/
.
.
this is great, Judt -i’d forgotten it was the child that was “dust baked” -the “dry” might seem a bit overwritten but i’ve thought about it and it’s the best way to say ’empty of fluid’ so i’d let it stay as it is, in place of my previous adjustment -thanks
I don’t know why I can’t stop picking at things; and you, of course, are the one who knows what fits. But somehow the cadence here seems sort of flat. Probably no improvement, but wondering about:
.
.
a dust caked child
turning the dry spigot
.
Over and out!
even better, Judt, thanks -improvements are always welcome, thanks
keeping her distance
the lens stuck on zoom
ironic adjustment of the technology changing the setting on the human, Mary -but i’m not looking for any irony here (i know you’d have no way of knowing that) but you should know the practice of people working for machines i find deplorable
snoozing in church
despite the hard bench
yeah, i can sleep anywhere, Mary -and, don’t want our renku to go to church
he objects to the noise
of her vacuum cleaner
this simply creates conflict without leaving the house, Marion, when we don’t need conflict or reversal (Aristotle on Tragedy) to proceed and we do need to leave the house (i’ve decided only after i received some offerings)
she plucks up the courage
to Google Stockholm syndrome
interesting play on the “arm chair” in the cellar, Marion but the third line is just too much of a ‘breath-full’ for one line
imagining smoke
at the jazz gig
links with the “if only” of the previous verse, Marion -and the “incense” we had previously is far enough away -just don’t want too ‘subjective imaginings’ in a row
I tell the blues singer
he’s seasoned, not old
‘he’s vintage’ would be an even stronger statement of the link, Marion -though I’ve seen a lot of music performed in a cellar, i don’t want our renku to stay indoors at this point
reflections on time travel
from my office cubicle
“cubicle” and “cellar” too close, Paul
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
.
–Liz Ann Winkler
.
Dad’s bathroom break
reading War and Peace
.
– Karen Cesar
parallels going to the enclosed room of a cellar, Karen
bottling up
his next S.O.S
bottling up his SOS
as a castaway
could be read as a continuation of the previous verse as though we’re on the brink of a narrative, Betty -don’t want to do that
our twelve step program
offers another way
intriguing link, Betty to the “wine” and with steps to and from the cellar -though not what i’m looking for here
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
–Liz Ann Winkler
—
Dr, Who’s tardis
arrives in time
—
🙂
– Lorin
Time italicized) Lord, Lorin? -good one -I think we’ll make this link better though
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
. –Liz Ann Winkler
.
.
a mystery ingredient
in the priest’s chalice
nice link to the “wine”, Mary -not sure if I want to take our renku into church, though
Liz, congratulations on a truly delightful offering.
.
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
–Liz Ann Winkler
.
.
an iceberg melts
as seals swim ‘round
too close to an evocation of heat, Mary
congratulations!
a gold medal drop
~
(Marshall, wines also get medals: Gold Silver and Bronze)
~
jig-saw pieces
find each other
~
this Paleo diet
not so easy
yeah, Barbara, i know about the prizes -“jig-saw pieces” sounds too self-referent to our renku -“this Paleo diet” too personal for what i’m looking for here
pirates choosing sides allow
their youngest mate to join
sorry, Marietta, to keep harping on this -but the breath break on the first line would be “pirates choosing sides/” which leaves “allow their youngest mate to join” too long and adds the feel of a kireji here where we definitely don’t want it -just running lines on over their natural cadence is no solution
I don’t every time, but I should ALWAYS say a verse out loud not just in my head, for the breath break! Don’t worry that you may be harping, Marshall, it’s a learning process for me.
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
– Liz Ann Winkler
Thank you, Liz!
she loses her balance
at the news
this one, Debbie, just too vague -unless you relate it to your previous offering -which we can’t do within our renku -so readers not reading all the commentaries would have no idea how this linked to the previous verse or what “the news” were
Thank you , Marshall! I really appreciate your comments and guidance, so I can learn!
the river crests
banks foreclosing
beneath earth’s crust.
maggots feast
don’t necessarily want to continue going down through the cellar, “beneath earth’s crust.” Dianne -did you really mean to put a period after “crust”? -also, thousands of activities are going on below the crust to focus on the “maggots” seems like a strained attempt to evoke our mortality -which we do at a leisurely pace in our renku, especially in our ‘moon verses’ -don’t need this abrupt reminder
very witty, Debbie -the river’s crest in flooding season would see its banks ‘outperformed’ -so it would be like a money bank demanding collateral cashed in when you need your assets most -have to consider this link for its humour again later -thanks
THRILLED to learn my offering will be part of this Renku. Every time I read the whole, I am impressed by the choices. Thank you Marshall and to those who keep contributing and inspire us all to stay in the game.
yes, Liz Ann -thanks to you and to all who keep this inspired relay alive -MH
gold medal
celebrations
winning athletes linked to award-winning wines, Barbara? This is so short it would speed up our renku -that we don’t want to do until verse 32 or so -‘moving quickly to conclusion’ -one like this then maybe?
a rambling wombat
near the electric fence
certainly has a dramatic effect, Marietta -in terms of renku flow, “a wombat rambling/ near the electric fence” would be better -but when I read this, i have the impression of the heat or flame of electricity surging into the wombat if it hits the fence -and we have to move on from heat or flame here
tea brewing
in tattered tents
repeats both the liquidity of “wine” and the enclosure of “cellar”, Aalix -one repetition might have been okay -two is just too much
soldiers brandishing
bottles of water
.
.
.
dust caked spigot
in a Time photograph
yes, Judt, it is tough without the word, “heat” -what about “a child in Time (italicized)/ by a dust-caked spigot” -“photograph” has a great sound here but makes it too long and i feel the ‘child’ is an essential part of the pathos, even if we can assume the locale could be anywhere -not worried about the ewe and her lambs either
Hi Marshall…yes, my previous post included a child turning a dry or dust caked spigot. I like the idea of combining the child with the Time magazine thing. Thank you!
Hi Marshall,
Not sure, but have been wondering if this might flow a bit better…
.
.
in Time a child
by a dust caked spigot
Trying “Gaza spigot” without using the word “heat”…hmmm.
.
.
dry spigot
in Gaza dust
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
.
–Liz Ann Winkler
.
counting the cost
of provoking Montresor
.
– Karen Cesar
just too obscure a reference, Karen
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
.
–Liz Ann Winkler
.
muttering under his breath:
measure twice cut once
.
– Karen Cesar
thanks, Maureen -yes, Liz Ann’s has an uncanny sense to it -this offering is good too as far as it goes. In some US cities poor men collect soda bottles for food money while in my Toronto legions of mostly men and some women collect left out beer cans and wine bottles whether they’re derelict or not
sounds like the worker is continuing the action from the previous verse, Karen -something we’ve been avoiding in this renku where the emphasis has been on ‘shift’
Congrats, Liz Ann! What an intriguing verse. It lingers. Brilliant choice, Marshall.
*
the homeless woman
collecting cans
this oedipal complex
we must explore further
so, Betty, this would be a psychoanalyst’s couch down in the wine cellar? -very underground -and the “complex” may account for the multitude of ‘uprisings’ in our world -but maybe you’re just commenting on my repeated requests for ‘complexity’? yes, “explore further”
if only I could fit
an arm chair
into my wine cellar
–Liz Ann Winkler
—
“alas!” cries Hamlet
in Juliet’s tomb
—
– Lorin
geez, Lorin, imagine if Romeo popped up alive on Ophelia’s barge!
Yes, imagine that. 🙂 Hamlet wasn’t a mistake, here, but I take it you’re dismissing this one.
—
– Lorin
didn’t think it was a mistake, Lorin -but, yes, i’m saying ‘no’ to it
in the middle of dinner
our door bell rings
well done, Michael -relates to the wine and sets up the next verse very nicely -i’ll consider this one again later -thanks
the big fish already rising
to a expertly-tied fly
sounds like a thinly-veiled political comment, Marietta -but its link is tenuous
a volcano about to blow
but we still watch the lava
first line, a good description, Marietta, but it’s too long and has an internal rhyme
climbing three flights of stairs
from Mithras into daylight
can’t go back to “daylight” after escaping the “heat”, Marietta -mythology also a good idea, but I don’t understand your use of “Mithras” here, whom I only know as an obscure Roman deity
Yes, a Roman god, Marshall. There’s a church in Rome, the Basilica of San Clemente, which is several churches one atop the other. The deepest holds a shrine to Mithras. The verse was sort of struggling up out of there, but I forgot ‘daylight/ heat’!
Liz Ann, if you manage it, may I join you? Enjoyable verse! Congratulations!
Come on down, Marietta! We don’t get a lot of overly oppressive heat where I live in the Pacific Northwest but any excuse to sit back and sip a few cold ones will do.
One day for sure, Liz Ann!
what a good idea, Liz Ann!
~
uproar in the House
with yet another division
politics another possibility, Barbara -finding i have an aversion, though, to any more 8-or-more syllable lines
walking to work brings
reflections of time travel
would like this better, Paul as “walking to work/ with reflections on time travel” -removes the flirt with ’cause-and-effect’ -but is still on the ‘too straightforward’ side for this verse -and when you smooth out the breath breaks, the second line is too long
A Dangerous Method
or Father Knows Best sitcoms?
didn’t even think of a tv, Betty -interesting suggestion -i’ll consider this one again later -thanks