The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 23
Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.
Greetings, renku-makers! Here’s what we have for verse 23:
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
This verse immediately lifts us out of the visual sense and the virtual world and transports us into the tactile and imaginary; moves our renku out of the enclosed human realm of contemporary “personal devices” and into the expanses of ancient nature, but with an imaginary twist.
The “Marcel Wave” was a hairstyle invented by the French hairdresser, Francois Marcel in 1872, and the word here, “marcels,” besides fulfilling our need for an arcane English word, incorporates a bit of human fancy and style within the one season that allows for human idleness and frivolity out-of-doors; summer.
We know that it’s summer because the grass is “tall.” And we marvel at how these testimonials to the earth’s fertility have been shaped into waves. Thus, on the axis of human/technological in the previous, this verse superimposes that of the immortal/magical, celebrating each of them in a distilled swivel. Thank-you very much, Patrick!
What we need now is 2 more lines of summer seasonality; maybe not so fanciful as particular, direct and as beautifully cadenced as this one.
Happy linking,
Marshall
A Day of Snow to Date
a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door–Marshall Hrycuik
coyote song closer
this longest night–Judt Shrode
incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd
–Maureen Virchau
bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters–Paul MacNeil
dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight–steve smolak
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match–Betty Shropshire
facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones
–Barbara A. Taylor
balls of moss
exit the quaking forest
–Carmen Sterba
in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically
–Marilyn Potter
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
a gypsy’s forecast
uttered to the sound
of rolling dice–Lorin Ford
trick-or-treaters skip
under a new moon
–Maureen Virchau
horses’ foggy snorts
lead our morning jaunt
along the track
–Marietta McGregor
scanning an empty platform
as the train chugs off
–Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy
I sit in silence
behind the steering wheel
awhile–Paul Geiger
the ewe gently nudges
her lambs to move on
–Mary Kendall
one white tulip
in a sunlit border
glows against the green
–Marietta McGregor
another soul in the limelight
of #blacklivesmatter
–Agnes Eva Savich
Bastille Day
fireworks
extinguished
–Marion Clarke
recruitment of volunteers
for the hospice New Year’s Eve–Gabriel Sawicki
beaming with joy
the first visitor presents
a tray of passionfruit–Barbara A. Taylor
the commuter car full
of personal devices–Michael Henry Lee
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses–Patrick Sweeney
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with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
.
resting under the shade
on the homeward stretch
snake coils under a rock
from the burning sun
snake hides under a rock
from the burning sun
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
.
each festival dancer
carries a paper fan
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
stewing in sweat
the suburbs dream of beaches
—
– Lorin
whoops, no, of course not. 😉 …not ‘suburbs’ with ‘commuter car’ as last-but -one !
– Lorin
yeah, not with “commuter cars”, Lorin -but i’m glad you ‘sent’ because you’re right about the “green room” -i’d totally forgotten it was the last word of our first blossom verse -and it’s directly ‘linked-on’ by “limelight” in the next verse so “green” is out for the rest of this renku -but also the “Bastille Day” 2 links later has “fireworks” -so that’s way too soon to have another verse with “fire” in it -even if the previous one was most the aesthetic kind of explosive than the devastating one; that link does include its own statement of devastation -and thanks for refocusing my attention -MH
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
.
we gather on the porch
as the humidity soars
still, Carmen, this stresses the human response to the “humidity” -a quality that renku in general couldn’t do without -just not what i want to emphasize here
in Celsius or Fahrenheit
the weather map reddens
maybe makes one worry about the heat, but not really feel it, Michael -which is what i’m looking for here
*
four small hands
slather aloe on daddy’s back
charming Liz Ann, but i was hoping, for this link, for a direct expression of heat in summery conditions rather than the human adjustment to these conditions
phosphorescent wavelets light
a midnight beach
first word just feels too technical with “light” as the verb, Marietta -then tried ‘phosphorescent wavelets/ on a midnight beach’ and it just seemed too ‘thin’ a verse -and after the magic of the previous verse its technicality gets emphasized
*
across the lake
the drift of campfire songs
nice summer night scene, Liz Ann -but i now realize we’ve had “fireworks” just 5 verses ago -so ‘fire scenes’ are done for this renku
*
under the weeping willow
spilled lemonade
little too close to ‘crying over spilt milk’ on the part of the willows, Liz Ann -gotta watch that alternative readings to the one you intend don’t spoil and misdirect the effort
Thanks, Marshall – as always, your comments are great teaching moments.
balm of surf lapping
at sand scorched feet
“balm” to “scorched” a bit too explicit a relief, Judt for our renku
slow moving combine
conjures a dust storm
hey joel, this is very good, thanks -performs a nice link in register with the “with a touch of her finger” -allows a machine into our renku in an unobtrusive way and “conjures” links with the ‘magic’ of “the goddess” while being definitely in late summer -“dust storms’ and wild fires being the scourge of the earth in summer for settled or unsettled areas
” ‘dust storms’ . . . the scourge of the earth in summer . . .” – Marshall
—Marshall?
—
Hmmm . . . are you sure, Marshall? I’ve googled:
This 2016 one in Texas happened early in April (your mid-spring)
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2016/04/07/texas-panhandle-dust-storm-massive-clouds-photos/82737516/
—
‘Yellow dust’ is a traditional kigo for spring in Japanese haiku because of dust storms originating in China & Mongolia which happen in Japan mostly in spring.
—
The major dust storms in Australia have historically all been in spring and early summer.
The last big one I’ve been in was in September 2009 (early spring) on the 2nd day of a haiku conference in NSW. It was a red dust storm & turned New Zealand’s mountain snow-caps pink.
—
Just sayin’ (as they say over there) and keeping the forward progress of a series of seasonal verses in mind. I like Joel’s verse but as I read it, it’s as not referring to a dust storm: the dust cloud churned up by a combine harvester can look like a mini dust storm. I think the point is that the topsoil being farmed is dry & it’s a drought year, (some countries call one dry year a ‘drought’) Drought is perhaps more noticeable in summer.
—
– Lorin
yes, Lorin, i’m sure you’re right about the storms -I’ve only seen one, and it was in fact spring in Arizona at the time -I was focusing on how the combine’s conjuring made it ‘look like’ a dust storm -as you say -and emphasizing drought as an aspect of a hot summer -but as I replied further to joel i’m too uncomfortable with how close and continuous a wind goddess could be to a storm
sorry, joel, but upon reflection i can’t use this here; “the goddess of wind” linked to “dust storm” is just too continuous -as if in a narrative -and the “conjures” even solidifies how ‘too close’ it is
under bleached skies
yesterday’s mud cracks
“bleached” just too brutal a word for me to use with “skies”, Betty -and if you wanted to link the “mud cracks” (crevices” might be a subtler word) to the “tall grasses” you should start the first line with that
Will try something more subtle…I volunteer and temporarily live at a Texas state park where temperate grasslands meet the Chihuahuan desert that overlays 100 million year old limestone from ancient shallow seas. We had almost 5 inches of rain recently and with triple digit temperatures, what little mud there is dries and cracks rather quickly…not sure if I can visualize mud crevices in this harsh environment…at the gates of hell…that’s more like summer here indeed!
okay, Betty, well-taken -no need to use crevices if they’d be that inappropriate
flowers in the park compete
with the bride’s bouquet
Here in Ireland where it rains often, the summer months of July and August are the most popular (and expensive) for weddings – but there is still no guarantee that it will be a dry day!
(I had two weddings to attend within the first fortnight of July this year 🙂 )
.
second chance for the single girls
to catch another bouquet
but it’s really our human sense of competition that you’re writing about here, Marion -happy enough occasions, but you’d need a footnote to indicate this were a summer link -for instance, around here, May is the ‘go-to’ wedding month
So is May a summer month for you, Marshall, or is it because (like February in India) it’s cooler?
marion
not at all summer, Marion, though spring here is an event, not a 3 month season -my feeling is the brides in Canada, where winter is harsh, like to appear at their best at the time of the blossoms -and our May is totally filled with all manner of blossoms -unless like this year when April was so cold after a mild winter, the cherry blossoms, for instance, didn’t appear at all -the buds went straight to leaf in their case -still many others bloomed
balmy air carries base notes
of fairground music
Oops – ‘air’ too close to ‘goddess of wind’ 🙁
base notes of fairground music
arrive with the first tourists
evaporites rimming
what once was the shore
or:
evaporites rimming
yesterday’s shoreline
again, Betty, i appreciate the link to sea and shoreline but we seem to have lost the concentration on summer
red and yellow sailboats
race across the lough
or
.
red and yellow yachts
race across the lough
prefer the sailboats, Marion -and i like how they and “the lough” bring us to a seaside that would link with “the tall grasses” -just think this could happen very well happen in spring too
magpies panting in the shade
of a backyard sleepout
not sure about “panting” here, Marietta -and “shade” would imply a daytime “sleepout” that puzzles me
Hi Marshall. We have a 1-room sleepout (a cabin or you could call it a studio) in our coastal backyard. In midsummer, magpies crouch in its shade in scooped-out sand lies, their beaks gaping wide. I swear I saw them pant when the mercury hit 42 degrees-celsius at midday! But I may have been overwrought from the heat…
Thanks for your ever-interesting and enlightening critiques!
Marietta
phosphorescent wavelets
light a midnight beach
guitar riffs heat the blue hour
in a casa de la musica
nice you ‘bring the heat’, too, Marietta -just that this way it could be any season
a mob of cattle lumbering
kneedeep in mirage
this one is meant to be heavy, i know, Marietta, but the first line is just too heavy and the second is heavy in apparent contradiction or ‘ironic standpoint’ -which we don’t want here
slow creak of a porch swing
long into the sultry night
haunting aural and tactile imagery here, Judt -so thanks for that -not exactly what i was looking for, but i’ll keep it around
beer bottles sweating
as afternoon wears on
yes, we can say, “beer bottles” sweat, Mary -but i think one of the reasons we compose haiku and participate in ‘haiku-related’ activities is to lay bare these phrases as anthropomorphic and avoid them just as we would avoid clichés in our prose writing
after a welcome rainfall
steam rises from the road
’cause-and-effect’ in the human realm, Mary -which isn’t ‘horrible’ -but there’s nothing else here but the “steam”
a clackety swirl of water
sprays limp flowers and kids
this resembles reportage, Mary -i’m not even happy with people calling haiku writing ‘snapshots in time’ but describing a moment as if it’s a picture doesn’t cheer me either
we fan ourselves as the preacher
rants about fire & brimstone
subliminal ’cause-and-effect’ is no more acceptable than the usual, Mary
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
.
up and down the quiet cul de sac
air conditioners pinging on and on
well, Mary, this is so long, it could be a four-line offering
“…right now i want some direct statement of heat and not so much the human adjustment to it.” – Marshall
—
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
through heat haze
the roar of burning trees
—
– Lorin
this was great too, Lorin, as an image -but “haze” to “trees”, though perhaps appropriately harsh, is a slant rhyme i don’t want here
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
after the bushfires
only brick chimneys
—
or, in US English:
–
after the wildfires
only brick chimneys
—
– Lorin
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
out of the smoke haze
shrieking cockatoos
—
– Lorin
don’t want the “shrieking”, Lorin
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
kangaroo ground
surrounded by spot fires
—
– Lorin
i like this one,( “kangaroo ground”) the best of these, Lorin -and thank-you -i ask for heat and you send me fire -this one could have the fire embody the movement of the wildfire in its springing about unpredictably -so thanks for that, too
“… this one could have the fire embody the movement of the wildfire in its springing about unpredictably …” – Marshall
Thanks, Marshall, Yes, that’s precisely what spot fires are. Bits of burning fuel from a wildfire/ bushfire are blown (airborne) to locations further away from the original fire, and dropping, start new fires…. small at first. In this case, mostly grass fires.
—
– Lorin
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
a firefighter
wipes the sweat from his eyes
—
– Lorin
vultures ride the thermals
as the town gossip swats flies
parallels that run to parable not one of my favourite things, Betty
wet feet
hiss on the pavement
that’s heat alright, Aalix -but too close to “with a touch of her finger” of the previous line
baseball’s best stadium hot dogs
boiling since Easter
“boiling since Easter” seems negative here, Todd -but also introduces another season by mention of the word, “Easter” -not a total no-no to everyone who likes renku, but it is to me
Little League mother home from shopping
double laundry soap
too long a first line, Todd -and too humanly purposive -we do want activities that connote summer, but not ones that are dependent on other human activities
coiled beneath the ledge
its diamond weave hypnotic
interesting too leave out the subject here, Betty -i’m guessing it’s a snake -and “hypnotic” could apply to the effect of a long hot summer on a human as underlying metaphor -but it’s just not the link i feel we need to “the goddess of wind”
thrown-out mattress
it belongs to manic frogs tonight!
second line too long, Todd -a very heavy stop after the first line too -enthusiastic though it is in its writing
lizards dart
from shadow to shadow
deceptively simple, Betty -so, thanks -have to think about the appropriateness of “dart” here though
after swimming class a child
tiptoes over hot bitumen
first line, Marietta, is really, “after swimming class” isn’t it? -usually writers attempt to stretch a two-liner for a 3-liner: here you’ve done the opposite
endlessly trying to scoop a fish
with her little red bucket
simply too long, Marion, for a renku verse -though well-written English poetry
the flap of birds and bunting
along the esplanade
nice play on the birdiness of “bunting”, Marion -and good interlinking of the human with the wild but no heat here
None here either, Marshall! 🙂
cheers for the local lass
in the festival pageant
well, okay, Marion, but this could be ant season
Yet again, Marshall, not in Ireland. I’ve obviously got to completely rethink summer as a kigo, because here on this little green island it seems to be totally at odds with the rest of the world.
the arrival of bigger waves
makes kids and seagulls shriek
too ’cause-and-effect’ Marion -which we try to avoid because the overwhelming prevalence of human agency in our worldly realm makes it too easy to believe that the universe is composed of ‘single-line’ or analog ’cause-and-effect’ when i believe it is in the essence of haiku to believe that the universe is ‘steady-state’ and mysterious
Very interesting, Marshall. Thank you for pointing this out. I’ve only come to haiku in the last few years, so I welcome your insightful comments.
dazzling displays on the lake
by a host of blond surfers
double “d – l” s in the first two words too much for me here, Marion -also, you may note from my reply to Lorin’s offering below that i have problems with surfing as a summer indicator
You wouldn’t want to try surfing in Ireland in any season but summer, Marshall brrrrrrr
.
Come to think of it, it’s not much warmer in summer! 🙂
barefoot in the sand dunes
I run through childhood memories
second line feels too long, Marion -and the first line repeats, to my ear at least, the cadence of “with a touch of her finger”
a beetle by my beach towel
resumes climbing the dune
a little too ‘small scale’ for me here, Marion -but also, because you have 2 rhymes in the first line: “by’ to “my’ and “beetle” to beach” (slant) the bounce of “resumes” off “dune” of the second line is quite jangling
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
.
grand kids leap at each
rotation of the sprinkler
naw, Carmen, too much ’cause-and-effect’ in this verse for me
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
.
a bounce house set up
for the ten-year-old’s party
this, Carmen, could happen in any season, i think -so not specifically summery enough
evening rain ceases and a
frog symphony tunes up
“frog symphony” too anthropomorphic for me, Paul -and just so you know, ending a line with an article makes my teeth gnash
opened fire hydrant
whooshing with laughter
personification of a water hydrant -Hydra would be indeed laughing, Betty at hell’s door
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
-Patrick Sweeney
*
tomatoes from Minnesota
for sale at the store
so this does indicate ‘summer is here’, Ellen, but i am at a loss to explain how this links to the words of the previous verse
Dear Marshall, Thank you. For me the link is plants – tall grasses and tomatoes. And although not a link, I like hearing “marcels” and then “Minnesota.”
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the grasses
-Patrick Sweeney
.
.
a new wave of birdsong
unfurls overhead
hello Karen -this is pleasant enough an aural image but there are two ‘quasi-metaphors’ here -to the beach with “wave” and to a flag with “unfurls” -one of these figures is stretching it; two is too much for sure -plus watch enjambment words -both lines end with this: “bird-song” and “over-head” -commonly acceptable but distracting when used in adjoining lines
our boots release a warm tang
of oregano on the hillside
nice aftermath, Marietta, but still a bit too ’cause-and-effect’ for me
the mirage of tree crowns
floating on the horizon
has an appropriately ‘airy’ feel, Marilyn but too close a slant rhyme -and i want something substantial here in this link
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
heavenly coolness
in the green room of a wave
—
(In surfing, the green room is the inside of a barrel that is produced by a wave. This term was coined due to the colour of light reflected into the barrel.)
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/5e/00/8d/5e008dfee2653afe04e7d7207303d1ed.jpg
—
– Lorin
wow!
🙂 Thanks, Polona!
– Lorin
this is so good and yet not what i’m looking for, Lorin, that i want to ask you to resubmit this for the 2-liner, no particular season verse after the next 3 liner, summery one. Seems to me, that where people surf, without rubber jackets, there is only one season with variations of wetness. That, in turn for me, limits the ‘seasonality’ of surfing
ok, then . . . thanks, Marshall. Actually, after posting it I wondered if it might be ineligible because of the use of the word “green” (Marietta’s verse #17) which I’d forgotten until I reread the renku so far.
—
(“Seems to me, that where people surf, without rubber jackets, there is only one season with variations of wetness.” – Marshall
—
Nah! 🙂 Surfing for professionals can be most seasons somewhere in the world, but for most folk it’s a summer activity. That’d make surfing without a wetsuit exclusively a tropical activity, and it ain’t. Victoria (Victoria in Australia, where I am) has 4 seasons. and you wouldn’t find many (if any) surfers down at Bells Beach today… even though it’s almost officially spring. And if there were some professionals there they’d definitely be wearing wetsuits. But I imagine they’d all be at Tahiti right now)
http://magicseaweed.com/news/forecast-update-as-teahupoo-looms/9355/
—
I thought, though, that “heavenly coolness” would be more than sufficient to place the ku definitively in Summer, since that amount of appreciation is something only experienced as a relief from “too damn hot”,.. Even Basho & Kikaku used ‘coolness’ as a plain summer reference:
—
a midday nap
putting the feet against the wall
it feels cool
—
– Basho. source: translation by R.H. Blyth, Haiku Vol. 3
– Lorin
no dispute that a response to “toodamn hot” is ‘summery’, Lorin -just want a more direct ‘stuff’ of exclusively summer in this link -not a specifically human adjustment to it
the warmth of tomatoes
ripe from the vine
OMG, what a deja-vu (deja-ku?) moment!
there’s now way you (or anyone else) could have known but I’ve been recently invited to write a renku and my accepted hokku has the exact wording in the phrase segment (the only difference being “straight” in my verse vs “ripe” in yours
a poetry photon wave, Polona -ride on
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
a row of beach hats slurping
iced soba noodles
—
– Lorin
nice ‘tan’ ‘ku, Lorin, in that the 5 verses together make a fine poem -just that right now i want some direct statement of heat and not so much the human adjustment to it
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
—
Excellent! It was my favourite, too. 🙂
– Lorin
a common gull
steals my sandwich
I was going to write ‘seagull’ as that’s how we have always referred to these birds here by the coast, but I know a some don’t consider this to be a proper name. Then I thought a light fingered (or light feathered) ‘common’ gull was quite funny. 🙂
well, Marion, there are ‘seagulls’ but they’re huge and by the oceans -most by far around here are either ‘glaukus gulls’ or ‘herring gulls’ -“common gull” is humorous, but not what i’m looking for here
counting contrails
from our picnic blanket
yeah, okay, but not enough heat, Marion
our picnic seasoned
with fine sand
yes, Marion, all of our food will be ‘sand-wiches’ -i wrote this once -new category of offerings: ones that remind leader of her or his own throwaway haiku
🙂
a liberal application
of the latest sunscreen
yeah, Michael, we have a new Liberal government in Canada who are facing ‘sticker-shock’ over the price of their promises -but no, i think i’m looking for a ‘straight’ statement of heat for our hottest summer ever (on all hemispheres)
new books to read
by open windows
*
Summers are short here by Lake Michigan in Wisconsin. The warmth and fullness of gardens and fields, as already the light changes and days grow shorter. Will try to write this as applies to what best serves the poem. Just able to follow along better now. Thank you.
*
nice, light touch here, Ellen -just think I want something of the ‘heat’ in this one
the thrum thrum of evening
lacewings’ violins
nice image, Paul -and I know it was way back in verse 10, but we had “glasswing” there -and though i would welcome another flying insect at this point, i think one whose name includes “…wing” just feels too limiting to our renku, even at a 14 verse distance
OK. So be it. So tricky, the Renku.
hey , Paul… have you considered calling those insects katydids instead? (Katydids, too, can sound like someone sawing away at violins/ fiddles)
– Lorin
Congratulations, Patrick. A very fine verse.
our vibrations alert
a red-bellied snake
again, Barbara, an interesting reversal of awareness, so that we realize our own involuntary sensitivity triggering a unanticipated response in a wild animal -so thanks for that -i’ll have to consider later whether i can fit this one in
Marshall, the best way NOT to get bitten by a red-bellied black snake that might be around is to stomp heavily on the ground. They’re not the sort that chases people & will get away if they can.Yes, they ‘hear’ the vibrations through the earth from a distance and will clear off if at all possible. Best way to get bitten by one is to sneak around softly and surprise it.
—
– Lorin
An extraordinary verse, Patrick. Congrats! Another wonderful choice, Marshall.
*
a snake’s hiss
through the dry riverbed
thanks, Maureen -read together, the “snake’s hiss” is too jangling right after “tall grasses”
looping dragonflies
in a tiny Cirque du Soleil
yes, they usually perform out-of-doors, Mary -but it could be anytime between Spring and Autumn
silent dragonflies soar
in a tandem dance
this could just as well be autumn where i live, Mary -I much prefer your earlier offering
Beautiful image, Patrick
.
in the shade of their arbour
she offers a chilled pinot gris
this is a lovely image, too, Marietta -cold, clear and intoxicating fluid decanted in shadow -just concerned that read together with the previous verse it would imply that the “she” here is “the goddess of wind” -which we don’t want
Patrick, yours is a very beautiful and inventive verse…a perfect choice for #22.
.
with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses
–Patrick Sweeney
.
.
a Scarlet Ibis lifts off
its nest in the rookery
actually, Mary, it was verse 23 -but your new offering is quite striking as well -kind of a relay of the wind’s touch -and a beautiful bird -i’ll be looking at this one again, thanks
Domo Sensei, careful editing saved whatever was half good about this verse. It has been a great summer interacting with all the great poets involved in this renku. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to run a renku…but I greatly appreciate all your hard work.
-Patrick
Thanks a lot, Patrick -you’re most welcome and i hope you keep offering such original verses MH
goldenrod blooms
near Lake Michigan
“goldenrod” still a flower or blossom, Ellen, and as such has an exalted position in verses 17 and 35 only -hope this doesn’t seem too traditional, but this placement and the three ‘moon verses’ very much anchor our renku
i loved this verse the moment i read it!
.
.
a gull’s wings barely moving
in the midday heat
great start to this link, Polona -can see the feathers ruffle as if they were blades of grass -thanks -will consider again later